


Voluptas Noctis Aeternae

by lov3nerdstuff



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 7 years of Hogwarts, Adventure, Angst, Dark Academia, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Mutual Pining, Potions, Romance, Slow Burn, professor/student, set in the 80s
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:20:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 53
Words: 262,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27473428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lov3nerdstuff/pseuds/lov3nerdstuff
Summary: It is the year 1983 when the ordinary life of Robin Mitchell takes a drastic turn: she is accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Despite the struggles of being a muggle-born in Slytherin, she soon discovers her passion for Potions, and even manages the impossible: gaining the favor of Severus Snape. Throughout the years, Robin finds that the not quite so ordinary Potions Professor goes from being a brooding stranger to being more than she had ever deemed possible. An ally, a mentor, a friend... and eventually, the person she loves the most. Through adventure, prophecies and the little struggles of daily life in a castle full of mysteries, Robin chooses a path for herself, an unlikely friendship blossoms into an even more unlikely romance, and two people abandoned by the world can finally find a home.General warnings: blood, violence, trauma, neglectful families, bullying, cursing
Relationships: Severus Snape/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 440
Kudos: 261





	1. The Songbird - Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story consists of seven books that follow the seven years of Hogwarts schooling! But because almost all of them have the length of actual novels, they are split into individual chapters! (At the time of posting the first part, I have almost finished writing book 7, so worry not, this story won't be abandoned in the middle ;) It's already written and edited for the most part!

After hours of curious excitement, it was anxiety that now settled deep in the pit of her stomach and squeezed her heart with its chilly roots. The flicker of the candles and torches on the walls danced across the faces of the children around her and illuminated the entire staircase in a warm orange, which however did little to ease her frayed nerves. Back on the train, she had overhead a few of the older students complain about having to witness the sorting ceremony yet again at full length, and the inevitable boredom it would cause the entire student body this year all over again. Oh, what she would give for some boredom now… or maybe not. Both anxiety and boredom were some of her lesser favorable options when it came to emotions to feel right now, and she desperately wished to just have it behind her already. 

But some dunderhead obviously had deemed it an appropriate idea to have the entirety of first years, however limited in number they seemed to be in her eyes, wait outside the great hall in a small pulk of anxious whispers and excited babbling. Gosh, she already was annoyed by her soon-to-be classmates, even if that annoyance quite possibly stemmed in her general discomfort. But seriously, was it so difficult to just stand still for a moment? To be quiet and considerate of others' emotions for a mere few seconds? Obviously it was.

For the entirety of the train ride from London to Hogwarts, she hadn't spoken to anyone besides the candy lady, and simply had stuck to doing some reading in the textbooks she was to bring for her classes anyway. Studying was easy, had always been throughout elementary school, and learning was both comfortable and a welcoming distraction. People however were difficult, noisy, intimidating. That's what she'd stuck to all throughout her eleven years of life, preferring solitude over company that made her uncomfortable, because that's what worked for her. She had no intention to change that now. 

These children… they were rather repelling in the way they shoved each other and screeched like chalk on a dry blackboard. They were all the same age as her, and they were all waiting to be sorted into houses, as a stern looking professor had explained a few long minutes ago. 

Admittedly, she was among the older ones in the group… she would already be twelve in roughly two months. Just like all the other kids whose eleventh birthday had been shortly after the start of the term  _ last _ year. She'd had to wait quite a while to be here now, and frankly she was so done with the waiting already. If everyone could just hurry up a little, she would be most grateful.

With every minute that had passed with her just standing in the crowd and waiting for the grand door to open, she had gotten closer to crying. Anxiety definitely had done that to her before… had made her burst out into tears of discomfort and despair only to be mocked and laughed at by her peers for being a crybaby. Had turned her skin into a nervous blotchy ashen instead of the normal cool white for days on end. Had stolen hours of sleep, night after night. 

But that had been in elementary school. This was Hogwarts. And she had decided in the very moment she had entered this magnificent castle that she would not let the others mock her for showing her fear. No, from this point on, she wouldn't let anything or anyone intimidate her. She would be strong, hard working, and self-sufficient. And nobody would get to see her crying.

That decision however had not yet made the way from her determined eleven year old mind to her racing heart, nor to her clammy hands. With an annoyed huff, she wiped them on the fabric of her skirt that was almost completely hidden beneath the black robe she had been told to wear. 

Robes, candles, moving paintings… whatever she had imagined Hogwarts to be like, this wasn't it. And yet, this old castle held such a serene, bone deep calm in every atom of stone and wood that she couldn't help but feel comfortable in this place. Safe, almost, hadn't it been for the impending ceremony and the always dreaded first time meeting with her classmates. 

Maybe she should make an effort to talk to someone… anyone at all. The thought alone made her stomach churn in dread and nervousness. Deep breath. She could do this, she simply had to.

Just as she was about to open her mouth to voice a croaked 'hello' to the dark skinned girl standing next to her, the heavy doors flew open with a startling creak, and gone was the chance to possibly make a friend. Well, an acquaintance, at least.

Only whispers, quiet chuckles and the shuffling of many feet on the stone floor were heard as she was ushered into the great hall together with the other students, and it only subsided once the group of children came to stand at the very front of the large room. Ahead she spotted a long table that was risen slightly higher than the ground level she stood on, and that was the only reason she could spot it in the first place, behind the heads of the students standing before her. Ironic, really, that she was one of the oldest and yet one of the smallest.

Before she had the time to dwell on getting a better view though, the female professor in the front started explaining the procedure, which then was followed by an odd kind of song and finally by a long list of names being called. 

One by one, she watched as the students around her walked to the front, and a fairly short amount of time later, the hat that was placed on their heads called out their destined house. 

She sighed. Her knowledge of the houses was limited, graciously spoken, as was her knowledge of this magical world in general. With two normal human beings as parents –'muggles', as they were obviously to be called– she had spent her eleven years on this earth as a not-quite-so ordinary girl in a desperately ordinary family. Now all of that was to change, and it left her feeling more numb than anything else. She wanted to be excited, really, but it was so much to take in all at once… too much, almost.

As the row of students in front of her thinned out slowly, she suddenly found herself standing at the very front of the group, with a clear view of what was happening in front of her. A stool, a student with a ridiculously old hat, and the female professor with a roll of parchment.

Behind it however lay the head table, the professors' table as it seemed, which immediately caught her interest. Back there she found the most bored looking and also the most excited adults she had seen in a long time. Well, this certainly would be the teachers then. How many times had they seen this ceremony already? Must be terribly dull indeed…

Slowly her eyes scanned the staff one by one, on their own account rather than for her decision to actively do so. In one long row sat a very tiny man, a very large man, a chubby woman, a woman with spiky hair… She found that she couldn't exactly pinpoint much about these people. Only once her eyes roamed over the figure right in the middle, the headmaster, she suddenly got the lingering impression that however kind and friendly the grey haired man looked down at his students, he was still surrounded by a heavy cloud of power and danger alike, which seemed to radiate off him in palpable clouds. A power that could reach unfathomable heights. He was certainly not someone she would mess with, ever. 

While her eyes continued trailing along the line of teachers, she found nobody was spiking her interest quite like the headmaster, and she almost would've focused back on the ceremony right in front of her, had it not been for the person sitting at the very end of the table. 

In but a fraction of a second, her straying eyes were glued back to the man with the raven hair and matching robes. He seemed rather young for a teacher, surely not older than thirty. Maybe around the age of those people her parents taught in their university classes. How was someone this young already in such a position? Or… what was his position in the first place? Who was he?! 

In a moment of mental cringing, she chastised herself for her blind guessing. Maybe he was a guest, or a teacher's assistant… but whatever he might or might not be wasn't for her to judge. However it would certainly explain why he seemed to be at least twenty years younger than everyone else at the table. And why he was the only one who seemed to prefer his own company over that of the other adults.

As she watched him, oddly intrigued by his long hair and deep frown, she felt the same aura of power and danger radiating off of him that she had noticed about the headmaster as well. Only that this man reminded her much more of a bottomless abyss than of unfathomable heights. Maybe–

"Robin Mitchell." The sudden ring of the female professor's voice caught her off guard, as at last her own name was called out loudly. Robin couldn't tell whether it was for being startled out of her staring at the professors, or because she found herself at the solemn center of attention now, but her heart immediately jumped back into its painfully fast drumming. Hell, she should just get it over with and move on with the evening. Hadn't she just promised herself not to be such a child anymore?!

With a face set in stone, and strides that luckily did nothing to betray her nervousness, she took the remaining few steps to the very front and sat down on the stool to face the entire student body. All eyes were on her indeed, as the sorting hat was placed on Robin's head rather awkwardly to fit over the long wavy ponytail she had forced her dark hair into just that morning. Her immediate reaction to wearing the old thing was an unsettling feeling of discomfort. Like icy fingers clawing at her skull and trying to dig into her brain to suck out her soul. Piercing eyes drilling into her mind to unveil her deepest thoughts and emotions. Robin shuddered upon the mental image.

'Well, what do we have here?' A voice suddenly rang out in her head, clear as day, and she had to suppress the startled yelp from bubbling past her lips. Maybe she really should have talked to some of the other students beforehand, for many of them at least had seemed to actually know what was going to happen during this ceremony. Well, too late for that now.

'Interesting… Very interesting indeed.' The voice sounded in her head once more, and this time Robin remembered that she had sworn not to be frightened anymore. Not even by a creepy voice in her mind.

'You're the hat, right? What are you doing in my head? Can you read my thoughts?!' She tried to phrase the sentences in her head in the same fashion she had heard them coming from the hat before, and for a brief moment she wondered if it would be able to read her mind far enough to know how scared she truly felt. Or maybe it couldn't dig that deep. Maybe it would be fooled by her attempt to show nothing but a focused and collected calm.

'You certainly are a peculiar little thing, all worked up over nothing...' The hat's voice sounded almost mocking now. But even if it hadn't been this condescending in its tone, anyone referring to her as 'little' would make Robin take up a defensive stance immediately.

'And you are a rude, old piece of clothing that's being ridiculously inconsiderate of people's feelings! You know nothing about me!' She defended herself on instinct, very well hearing the pout in her own mental voice but finding herself unable to care at the present moment. Fear made her lash out, that simply was a thing that happened.

'You certainly have some wit, child, but you will find that this is rarely appreciated here. However I appreciate your honesty, an equally rare trait unfortunately… What am I to do with you?'

'Well, you're the one supposed to know where I belong, aren't you? That's your job. I'll be delighted to hear what you have to say then.'

'You embody a rather conflicting set of traits, child, and some of them run deeper than even my perception is made to follow.'

'What does that mean?' Robin questioned silently, with a very much visible frown, but in return was met with nothing but mind numbing silence. The quiet chattering of impatient students graced her ears once more, and her heart picked up speed in accordance. 'Hello? Mister… hat… sir?' Nothing.

What was going on here? The other students had been done within seconds, and she had already been sitting on this stool for multiple dreadful minutes. An eternity compared to the others!

In a small rush of panic that was now ebbing through her, Robin looked up at the professor standing by her right side. She felt terribly small next to this graceful woman, terribly unimportant and most of all terribly insecure, which didn't help in her attempt to refrain from showcasing her nervousness in front of every single Hogwarts student. The professor however was looking down at the parchment in her hands with what could only be described as the calm nigh-indifference of routine.

Frustrated with the woman's ignorance, Robin turned her head further, looking over her shoulder at the raven haired man at the head table, whom she had wondered about before being called up here, and whom she hadn't quite gotten out of her head ever since. She didn't know why she sought out him in particular, and neither did she get to think about it, for in that very moment, he was staring right back at her.

Her breath caught in her throat as soon as her eyes met his, for but the briefest moment only, and yet, right in that moment, the hat's voice rang out once more. 

"Slytherin!" It yelled loud and clearly for everyone to hear, and this time Robin almost fell off her stool at the sound, while her eyes snapped back to the student body in front of her. A few claps and whistles could be heard from one of the long tables, and the joy that sprang to her mind upon the cheering was yet weighed down by awkwardness. Luckily she only had to do this once, the sorting and being in the spotlight, and after that she would be left alone if she wasn't mistaken.

As soon as the hat was taken off her head, Robin jumped off the stool like it burnt her skin. At least the difficult part was over now… Relieved beyond reason, she made her way to the long table that seemed to be taken up by the Slytherin house. Her house now, as it seemed. While she slowly regained her sense of curiosity along with the slowing down of her heartbeat, she risked another quick glance over her shoulder just as the next name was called. To her great relief, nobody was paying attention to her anymore, as they now listened to the next sorting. Robin let out a long breath, and allowed her eyes to travel over the professors once again. Nobody was looking her way... Nobody but the elderly man right in the middle, who gave her a brief and utterly unreadable glance, before at last averting his eyes as well. Good… Robin finally felt like she could breathe again, and thus took the final few steps to her table with confidence for once. These people would be her family from now on, or so the professor had said.

"Your name is Mitchell?" An older students asked the very second Robin sat down. She had said a quiet 'hi' upon her arrival, but never received a greeting in return.

"Uh, yeah…" She replied more insecurely than she would've liked, and sat up straight in an attempt to force herself into a more confident attitude. "I'm Robin Mitchell."

"Hmm." The older boy frowned, but didn't say any more than that. Instead, he shot the girl sitting next to Robin a peculiar look, who exaggeratedly rolled her eyes in return. 

"So, are you a half blood or pure blood?" The girl asked nonchalantly, but with such an edge to her voice that Robin immediately felt the defensiveness creeping up to the front of her mind again. Was everyone in this world so underlyingly hostile?

"I…" She started, but found herself unable to finish her sentence. Was this girl asking what Robin thought she was? For her blood group? Or her heritage, as in… dog breeds? A sigh directed at her broke Robin out of her thoughts.

"I swear these first years get more ridiculous every single year." The strange girl groaned under her breath, and the boy on the opposite side snorted indignantly in return. Robin frowned, but the girl spoke on. "I'm asking if you come from a wizarding family or a bloody half and half!"

"Actually… both my parents are normal. Not magical, I mean." Robin replied, and added with just a subtle touch of pride to her voice, "I'm the only witch in my family."

As if someone had flipped a switch, the lively chattering at the table close around her subsided and gave way to an uncomfortable silence. Various pairs of eyes locked on Robin in equal shock, doubt and disgust, and she suddenly wished she hadn't said anything at all. Her words, or at least her choice thereof, had clearly been wrong.

"You're a mudblood? Seriously?!" The boy sitting on the opposite of her stated with another incredulous snort. "Seems like they let anyone into Slytherin these days. Sorting hat seems to have had just as many doubts, going by the time it took..."

Honestly, Robin didn't know for sure what a mudblood was, but she had been on the receiving end of such a great variety of insults over the course of her life that she could spot one when it came her way. However, the realization that she ought to feel insulted still didn't give her a clue about how to properly react, and she decided to angrily glare at the rude boy to cover up her embarrassing lack of good responses.

"Just so you know, I won't let you sit next to me again!" The girl next to her suddenly snapped at Robin, in feigned disgust, and scooted as far away as the person on her other side would let her. "People here don't want to be associated with someone like you. So… just sit somewhere else, will you?"

"Whatever…" Robin muttered under her breath and moved an entire seat over into the other direction, while she watched the remainder of the ceremony happening at the front. Just because two or three or six people were being unreasonably hostile over something she didn't even have the slightest control over didn't mean that they all were like this in Slytherin… right? 

In an attempt to distract herself from the situation, Robin let her gaze wander to the head table once more. It first drifted to the extremely large, bushy haired man who seemed to be two heads taller than everyone else, and at least thrice as enthusiastic about the start of term. Then her eyes flickered over the headmaster, whose carefully considering eyes were intently taking in the students being sorted. Finally she focused on the sinister young man in black again, who was subtly ignored by the other teachers and looked like he was dreading this entire situation almost as much as Robin herself did. Oddly enough, she felt a bit less terrible when she observed him in his dread of everyone and everything. At least she wasn't alone in her misery.

Hopefully someone else would be sorted into her house soon, would take the empty seat next to her and let her talk to them. Someone nice, hopefully. Or just anyone at all.

_______________

After the rather rough start at the welcoming feast, Robin's first weeks at Hogwarts went by quite successfully. Most of her time went into studying and working by herself, as almost all of her professors had given plenty of homework even in the first few days. Learning about magic turned out to be quite delightful actually, and while Robin became disenchanted with it rather quickly, coming back to the reality of going to school did nothing to reduce her willingness to study hard and learn as much as she could to get perfect grades. Every day for the first few weeks she found herself in the library, sucking up information like a sponge in the desert. In regards to learning, Hogwarts was her paradise. One class in particular, or rather one professor in particular, fueled her perfectionism more than any other and pushed it to the very limits. Potions, with Professor Snape. She had yet to figure out if that was a good or a bad thing though.

It had come as an honest surprise to her to find that the mysterious raven haired man she had observed so intently during the welcoming feast was not only the head of the Slytherin house, but also the potions professor, and as rumor had it, also the most feared teacher at Hogwarts. While the first potions class had been nothing short of intimidating, filled with sarcasm, subtle insults and reproaches about underwhelming preparation, Robin had actually felt rather drawn to do well in the class. Potions was a hard subject, admittedly, and not only because the professor was beyond strict and brutally demanding. The topics and pace weren't for everyone either. Right during the first week they had covered the safety regulations, basic ingredients, equipment and procedures, and then in the second week they had written a lengthy test on it already. In other classes, they had often times not done much more than 'say your name and practice how to properly hold your wand' at that point. 

But aside from the admittedly steep progression of the class, Robin enjoyed the logic and structure that seemed to be inherent to potion making in general. While she couldn't in good conscience say that she was studying so very hard purely because of her enjoyment of the subject, she still felt undoubtedly intrigued to find out more about it. In her own interest, not just for class. The ingredients sounded complex and interesting, while the instructions were demanding in both focus and patience. The only thing she couldn't quite wrap her head around yet was the functionality of some of the potions mentioned in her textbook… Could one really brew fame by throwing a bunch of herbs and animal parts together? How the hell was that supposed to even work?!

And then of course, there was Professor Snape. He still gave Robin the chills, much like he had during the feast, and while she tried very hard not to be intimidated by him or his dangerous demeanor, she often times found herself failing miserably at that goal. Yet, she couldn't help wondering about him.

Severus Snape had taken on the position of the potions professor and head of the Slytherin house two years ago, at the mere age of 21. Since then, he seemed to have made an effort to become the most feared and the most dreaded professor at Hogwarts. That at least was what the members of Robin's study group had told her, those fourth year Ravenclaw girls she eventually had found the courage to sit with. Upon Robin's careful inquiry about who the man teaching her favorite class actually was, they hadn't been short of scoffs and harsh words. And in the end, their stories had all come with a rather direct and elaborate warning. 'Don't disrespect him or his class', 'Don't talk to him unless asked to', 'Never do things you're not explicitly told to do'... All the unwritten rules to follow around the dark professor had made Robin's head spin, and the horror stories about his classes had made her stomach churn. Could a teacher really be as bad as his reputation?

While she honestly appreciated every piece of advice she received from the older students, as well as all the information about the wizarding world in general, she simply couldn't understand why everyone seemed to despise Professor Snape quite this much. Sure, he was brutally honest and unforgiving of misbehavior, but Robin had gotten the impression that most of the time his insults and punishments were either well deserved, or at least somewhat justified. As long as people did as they were told and tried their very best in class, he would leave them be. 

Robin for her part had come to realize that the best way to survive Professor Snape's classes was to always come prepared, and to always work harder than expected. So that's exactly what she had been doing ever since the first week. And as of yet, he had not insulted, scolded or even mocked her once, which was as good an outcome of her efforts as she could have wished for. Especially considering the bad experiences other students were making with him. Overall, Robin believed to have the hang of all her classes by now, a little more than four weeks into the school year. Foremost she believed to have understood potions, and even Professor Snape. Gods, she couldn't have been more wrong. 

It all had started in potions class (where else would it begin) in the third week of the term. At the very end of class, Professor Snape had assigned them a four page essay on the use of the three main ingredients they had been using in class that day, which would be due the following week. It was the very first essay Robin would have to write for any class –as opposed to the in-class tests they had previously done in potions and the practical assignments done in other classes– and she honestly found herself excited about the rather mundane task of written homework for once. Perhaps, this was her time to shine.

Foremost, she considered herself lucky for the first time since coming here that her parents were muggles. They had taught her the basics of academic essay writing (in the format they both taught in their respective graduate classes at university), which left Robin with a decent advantage over her classmates. Hadn't it been for her parents, she might have been quite as clueless as the other first year students about how to approach this assignment. The realization of this small muggle-induced advantage barely made up for the poor treatment she still received from most of her housemates, but it had at least made her feel confident in her abilities for once, and that was something at least. She would show them how terribly wrong they were about her, and about muggle borns in general. For Robin, it all started with this essay.

Thus, more than determined to get a top grade in that essay and no less determined to prove to her professor that she wasn't as big of a dunderhead as the rest of her class, Robin worked through every book about those three bloody ingredients she could get her hands on. It honestly was a good mixture of wanting to impress and actually finding interest in the subject itself that made her work her butt off for a week, but as she handed in her essay during class in the fourth week at last, she felt positive that her efforts would be rewarded. She felt positive, right until she made the mistake of bringing her essay up during dinner with two of her study mates. 

"You did what?!" Jessica, a short girl with curly blond hair asked while she desperately tried not to splutter her pumpkin juice all over the Ravenclaw table they were seated at.

Robin felt the heat rising to her cheeks as she suddenly dreaded having to repeat herself. "I, uh… wrote an Oxford style essay for Professor Snape's class? With, uh, with multiple opinions on… on the subject. And arguments for each, and… stuff."

"Oh dear god, Robin…" Marleen, another one of Robin's closer acquaintances, sighed softly and covered her eyes with her hands. "Didn't anyone tell you what those essays are supposed to look like?"

Robin shook her head vehemently, as a deep frown settled on her face in unison with a deep crimson. Who on earth should've told her? There was nobody who spoke much with her besides the currently present suspects, and even they avoided talking about Professor Snape and his classes in a general manner. Besides, Robin had been so utterly convinced that she was doing things right for once that she hadn't bothered asking anyone about it.

"Well, in these essays you're supposed to write down what was explained in class, and what is written in your textbook. Just repeating what was already said, you get me?" Marleen explained with that certain condescending edge to her tone that she often took on when explaining things to Robin. At first Robin had felt furious about the belittlement, but soon enough she'd realized that it was just Marleen's way of explaining things to anyone in general, even to people her own age. "You're  _ not _ supposed to look for further and quite possibly wrong information in just any random book and whatnot."

"But I  _ did _ write down what was mentioned in my textbook, and also what he explained. But it just seemed so ridiculously little, you know… How does one fill four pages of parchment with ten bloody sentences?!" Robin defended herself, partially against her peers and partially against her own feeling of embarrassment at her error. "If anything, I did more than what was expected of me. How's that wrong?! I was just trying for an 'outstanding'..."

"For Snape, everything that's not asked for is wrong. And he NEVER gives an outstanding to anyone, not even his own folks." Jessica muttered gravely as she dug into her dessert with a spoon way too large for the tiny pastry. Robin, upon witnessing the brutal assault on the carrot cake, found that she had lost any and every appetite over the sheer anxiety the conversation had left her with.

"Yeah, Snape will definitely have your head." Marleen stated as a matter of fact while she carefully cut her piece of cake into bite sized bits. "But since you're a Slytherin, he might let you off the hook with a mere week's worth of detention."

"A week?!" Robin croaked out, ignoring the familiar churning of her stomach the best she could. "But is… Is that really considered a 'mild' treatment?! And I'm not even a REAL Slytherin! For all I know, he might just treat me like everyone else does at this long and turn me into a maggot or… something!"

"Pure bloods and their bullshit elite can be a nasty business." Jessica shrugged with her mouth full of cake, while deliberately ignoring Robin's comment about Snape. "Guess it's just bad luck that you ended up in the wrong house. Pity, you would've made a decent Ravenclaw."

"Hey, it's hardly Robin's fault that she's gotten herself into Slytherin!" Marleen snapped right back at her friend before Robin even had the chance to defend herself. "It's not like she chose to be stuck with those snobs."

"That's why I said 'it's bad luck', idiot!" Jessica rolled her eyes at the scolding, and Robin for once stayed suspiciously silent. She couldn't stand when her peers trash-talked her house… it left her feeling more sour about her current choice of company than encouraged by their words of attempted comfort. And they did it a lot. 

They didn't understand what life as a muggle born in Slytherins was like. Instead of the few odd glances and insults coming from but the very minority of students in the other three houses, Robin had to face a vast majority of this kind of wizards every single day. And not just at dinner. 

Still, oddly enough, Robin felt proud to be where she was. Not like she truly belonged there, but proud nonetheless. However she wouldn't voice that thought in front of her companions, mainly out of the fear that they wouldn't want to have her around anymore if she showed that sense of pride in her house. And if they wouldn't have her, she would be left entirely alone for the moment. In addition to that, Robin actually quite enjoyed occasionally learning some fourth year magic on the side. However, tonight she had enough on her mind already.

"Uh, I'll… I'll head back to my common room. Study a little… make my testament before Professor Snape has me hanged for the essay…" Robin tried to joke as she rose to her feet in a sudden hurry, and went on to feign a nonchalant smile. "I'll see you guys tomorrow."

Dear gods, what had she done?!


	2. The Songbird - Part 2

Despite all her efforts to mentally prepare for this, Robin didn't feel the least bit ready to find her essay resting on her desk the next time she stepped into the potions classroom. Chewing nervous on her bottom lip, she placed her leather bag down next to the table in the second row and took a seat reluctantly, almost as if expecting the parchment to jump at her any second now. 

Frowning, Robin gave the rolled up thing a lingering look, while the seat next to her was abruptly taken in a haste that seemed rather uncanny for a slow Friday morning. A quick glance out of the corners of her eyes told Robin that her bench neighbor had arrived in the same awkwardly insecure manner as she had the weeks before. For a short moment, Robin wondered if the chubby girl whose name Robin admittedly hadn't managed to make herself ask for yet, was feeling this scared because she had to sit next to someone like her. Robin's frown deepened upon that thought, before she turned her eyes back to the parchment on her desk at last.

Just as she was about to finally give it a look and inspect the damage it had done to her grade, the door flew open with a start and a black river of fabric rushed past her through the aisle between the desks. Robin's heart skipped a beat in surprise, and she cursed herself under her breath for STILL being started by Professor Snape's mode of entrance. He made an entrance like that every week, and every week Robin found herself startled by it yet again. She briefly wondered if he did it on purpose, to mess with the students. To get their attention, perhaps.

"Open your textbooks on page fifty seven." Came the monotonously determined command from the front, interrupting Robin's internal monologue, while every audible chatter around the room had long died out. This was the only class that ever happened in… the students falling silent and paying attention the very moment the professor entered the room. Robin couldn't say that she minded much, she had always rather dreaded the minutes wasted with the teacher trying to get everyone's attention.

With a quiet sigh, Robin took out her textbook, notebooks and the quill Marleen had charmed for her to never run out of ink, and instead placed the bloody essay into her bag, leaving it uninspected for now. She would have to wait until after class to look at her grade, since focusing on anything but potions class in potions class was nigh impossible.

Next to her, the Hufflepuff girl let out a tiny noise of despair, and Robin glanced her way while opening her book on the requested page. For a moment, she silently watched how the girl vainly roamed through her bag with trembling hands, only to sit back up empty handed and with a flustered face.

"We can share my book." Robin heard herself say before she could stop herself. Darn, she really didn't need any more problems, nor to be made fun of… again. But she also couldn't keep her mouth shut. Ever.

The girl's eyebrows shot up in surprise, before she gave Robin a timid but overwhelmingly thankful smile. "That- uh, that's very kind of you." She whispered back, and Robin pushed the book to the middle of the desk silently before turning her head back to her professor at the front. 

He was watching them intently, with one eyebrow risen, but with no comment. Robin had to force herself to hold his gaze instead of looking away like her bench neighbor did, and for but a second, Snape's eyebrow lifted just a little bit higher in an expression Robin couldn't put a name to. Then he turned back towards the entire class.

"Today we will be brewing a simple antidote to common poisons. If you did your assigned reading before class, I shouldn't have to say any more." Professor Snape spoke sternly while he sat down behind his desk, letting a piercing glance wander around the room. Seeing as none of the students made a move to react in any way, he added with a scowl, "Instructions are on page fifty seven. Collect your ingredients at the front." With that he averted his eyes from the students and instead focused on the stack of parchment on his desk.So much for the insightful lecture Robin had hoped for. 

While most students started shuffling and talking quietly in small groups then, Robin's eyes remained fixed on Professor Snape for a moment of irritation, a deep frown on her face. Usually, Snape would at least give a scolding comment about the previous week's assignment at the beginning of class, saying how yet again they had failed to bring forth even one single 'outstanding', or he'd even make remarks about the sheer inability of his students to be any more than just complete dunderheads. Today however, he seemed quite unwilling to do either. Robin wondered if it had anything to do with last week's essays that he was even more dismissive than usual. Or maybe he was simply having a bad day? Professors surely had bad days as well, everyone did...

" _ Now _ , Miss Mitchell." Snape's sternly taunting words were uttered without him even looking up from whatever he was reading, and Robin's eyes snapped away in an instant, followed by the burning embarrassment of getting caught while staring. Even if unintentionally, she HAD, in fact, stared at him for quite some time while so deep in thought. Darn, first the probably failed essay and now this…

To cover up for her lack of confidence, she quickly rose to her feet and set out to collect her ingredients like she had been told to, while trying to shake off any thoughts about her professor. Whatever was up with him today, it wasn't for her to dwell on. She did wonder however if anyone else had noticed this minor change in his demeanor at all, the slightly deeper frown on his face or the even more cutting edge to his tone… But she honestly had no intention to find out. He had a bad day, so what? She did, too.

Thus she focused on the things she knew, and that was following the instructions in the textbook. Obviously she had done her assigned reading beforehand –potions was currently the only subject she actually did her readings for– and thus she was quite certain that she would get this antidote right. With an almost unshakable determination to do her best, she started with step one.

… … … 

It was only half an hour later –Robin was currently cutting up dittany into perfect little pieces– that her focus was broken by one of her fellow Slytherin students. 

"How's the potion coming along, jay?" Alexander Downing, a particularly dense individual and proud pure blood, sneered at Robin. Oh how much he must love to call her 'jay' at every possible and impossible opportunity… in fact, he had done it so often that some other not-quite favourable Slytherins had started adopting the same moniker for Robin as well. "Doesn't look right, don't you think?... Your 'potion'?" He drawled the word out in an overly mocking tone as he leaned over his third row table to gawk into Robin's cauldron with a disgusted look on his face. "Can't expect much more than failure from a filthy mudblood anyway."

As he leaned back into his own space with a self-satisfied smirk on his face, getting a few appraising laughs from his friends, Robin had to forcefully bite down the white hot rage that poisoned her blood and made it difficult to breathe. She shot Alexander an angry glare and turned back towards her cauldron without a word, but she wasn't done with him by far. No, he had called her jay often enough to forge himself an enemy, but calling her a mudblood was what had sealed his fate just now. Robin would have her revenge… and it surely would send a signal to his friends just the same.

"You're muggle born?" The quiet voice of the Hufflepuff girl next to her suddenly brought Robin's mind back to the classroom. 

Her surprise at getting caught while living in her head once more took her ability to react for a moment, but the Hufflepuff didn't seem to mind and simply kept staring at Robin both in surprise and wonder. And since Robin saw no judgement in the girl's eyes whatsoever, only heard the quiet snorting coming from the row of boys behind her, she decided that she would try to make a friend one more time before finally giving up on her classmates once and for all.

"Yeah…" She finally sighed, in resignation almost at her own decision. "Nothing is short of ordinary in my family. The muggle kind of ordinary, I mean."

For but a short moment, the Hufflepuff's eyes lit up in pleasant surprise, then she blushed a deep crimson. "I… I didn't think there were any muggle borns in Slytherin at all."

"There won't be when I'm done with jay!" Alexander roared out rather loudly from behind the girls, laughing along with his friends at his own comment, and he thereby earned himself a dangerous glare from Professor Snape. 

Robin for her part merely rolled her eyes at the stupid idiots behind her and ignored them like she usually tried to. Instead she focused back on the Hufflepuff girl by her side. "I wouldn't know if there was another one besides me. But since I'm most definitely in Slytherin and also definitely muggle born, you could say that you thought wrong." That, Robin realized, came out a bit more defensively than she would've liked, but she also couldn't bring herself to take it back. The girl bit her bottom lip and quickly looked back towards her slimy, brown potion that truly looked nothing like it was supposed to. Robin almost felt sorry for her own harshness, as well as the girl's obvious lack of talent for potion making.

"Why, uh, why does everyone call you jay?" The girl finally asked, and Robin was almost glad to find that she hadn't scared her away with her admittedly hostile attitude. She should make an effort be kinder to her bench neighbor, the girl had as of yet been nothing but nice, after all.

"I think they call me jay because my name is Robin." She shrugged. "Robin Mitchell. I guess the bird analogy is just funny to them for some reason."

"Oh… I'm sorry they keep doing that. It can't be nice to be an outsider in your own house." The girl looked truly remorseful as she spoke, while awkwardly stirring her failed potion in an attempt to somehow save it by stirring alone.

"No, it's not."

"If it helps anything, my parents are muggles as well."

"Oh?"

"Yeah… but in my house that's no big deal really. Some idiots make a fuss about it, but it's truly the minority."

"Sounds nice. I'm starting to think I was simply placed in the wrong house." Robin finally admitted a bit jokingly, even though she neither felt confident in her statement nor in her use of humor. She liked Slytherin… she just didn't like the Slytherins she had met as of yet.

"Couldn't agree more!" Alexander added in from behind them.

"Shut up, idiot!" The Hufflepuff snapped at him immediately, and Robin's eyebrows rose in surprise. She surely hadn't seen that coming, especially not after what was being said about Hufflepuffs and their inherently harmonious nature. Another reason to stop listening to the gossip and prejudice between houses, if the rumors about Professor Snape weren't enough indication of that.

"Don't speak to me like that, you worthless daft cow!" Alexander shot right back, and Robin watched how the girl's face fell in immediate shame inflicted by the crude insult. Obviously she wasn't the only one who had fallen victim to his bullying.

"What's your name? I'm sorry I never got around to asking before…" Robin questioned her then, both to actively ignore Alexander and to distract the girl from his vile words.

"Ah, well, I didn't know your name either, so I cannot really blame you for that." She gave Robin a small and crooked smile. "I'm Theresa."

For once, Robin smiled at the girl in return. Theresa… she surely was nice enough for a stranger, and fierce enough for a first year. Robin could actually see herself being friends with her. Maybe, if they got to know each other better from here on. "Nice to finally meet you, Theresa. After sitting next to you for five weeks now."

Upon Robin's words Theresa chuckled in amusement at last, and Robin had to smirk as well, in relief that Alexander's words hadn't caused a lasting damage to her potential friend. A moment passed, and both girls finally focused back on their brewing in comfortable silence. Enough chatter for now… Robin still had a potion to make and a revenge to conduct.

… … … 

After the dittany was slowly stirred into the steaming liquid, she continued to hand-pick the valerian sprigs and all the while she debated about how to put Alexander back into his place with the least effort and the most effect. Most things that came to her mind were so incredibly dim witted that they could very well come right from Alexander himself, and Robin dismissed those ideas in the sheer refusal to sink quite as low as him. Only once she added the final ingredient, a chopped bezoar, to her cauldron way ahead of time and even further ahead of everyone else, Robin found herself graced with the sudden memory of something she had read about in Jessica's fourth year potions textbook a few days ago. It surely was nothing short of risky, but both brilliant and stupid enough that she absolutely had to try now that the idea had struck her. Besides, she was good at this, at potions. She knew what she was doing! Nobody bullied Robin without receiving a serious payback. And nobody bullied the people she even remotely cared about without a full blown revenge.

Thus, as soon as she had added the bezoar, she decided that her potion was about as done as it could be. Her ingenious plan however was just beginning. Taking out a piece of parchment, she wrote 'Please play along and it'll be worth it. I'm gonna say something now, and you'll tell me it was part of the assigned reading. I want Alexander to hear it.' and passed the note to Theresa next to her. The girl frowned at Robin for just a moment, making her think that maybe it hadn't been a good idea to include her in the plan after all, but then she subtly nodded with a small smile, and all of Robin's precautions vanished into thin air. Alexander Downing would get what he deserved at last, after being the main cause for five weeks of Robin's continued suffering. Enough was enough.

"Oh no, I believe I've made a mistake!" Robin sighed dramatically, quietly enough that only Alexander and his idiot friends would hear. No need to alert any other students of the ongoings between them now. "I totally mixed the ingredients up! But this is just such a difficult subject, how was I supposed to know that we should add aconite instead of a bezoar?!"

"Well, it was mentioned in the reading we had to do for today that bezoars are almost as outdated as our textbooks themselves!" Theresa lied so easily that Robin was actually impressed with her. "Maybe you should've read it before coming to class."

"Yeah… I really should have. Now I'll certainly be in a lot of trouble." She was quick to reply, adding just a hint of feigned despair to her tone.

"Serves you right..." Alexander snorted, before grinning triumphantly. " _ Obviously _ we have to exchange the bezoar for… the other thing. It's common knowledge among REAL wizards that bezoars are outdated… but how would you know about that, right?" He scoffed arrogantly, and not quite so subtly went to retrieve the aconite instead of the usual bezoar. 

Robin turned back to her own cauldron with an exaggerated eye rolling, and only in the safety of her own space allowed herself to grin in utter mischief. She had only guessed that Alexander hadn't done his reading, but it had been a more or less educated guess based upon the information gathered in the previous five weeks, and thank goodness had she been correct. Bezoars being outdated? Only someone who had paid absolutely zero attention to anything Professor Snape had explained would've bought that nonsense. And Alexander luckily was such a someone. A prime example of a dumbass, even. Well, and Robin had a brain, but Alexander's lack thereof was nothing she should take pride in.

While Alexander indeed passed on the news of the supposedly outdated instructions to his friends, Robin smiled reassuringly at a nervous looking Theresa for a moment, and then turned towards her cauldron once more. The antidote really had turned out quite as perfect as she had expected, especially considering that her mind had definitely been elsewhere today. Hopefully Professor Snape would be just as content with her work as she was… maybe he would even forget about her flunked essay and her short moment of stepping out of line in the beginning of class.

Only then it crossed Robin's mind that the little inside joke she had just had with herself in the form of her revenge on Alexander might actually be interpreted as stepping out of line, and most definitely would be in this context! Her heart skipped a beat at the realization, and she could already feel her hands getting clammy. Oh no… no no no. She had made such an effort up to this point to make a good impression on her professor, to do well in this class and get good grades, and now it would all be ruined by her own blind seek for vengeance. Gods, she was an idiot! So much for trying to be mature about her emotional impulses… Obviously she didn't regret doing it either, Alexander really had it coming after all, but she definitely regretted doing it  _ here _ . Right in front of Professor Snape's eyes. Not a smart move, Robin… 

While she anxiously awaited the end of class, when he would make his way through the rows of students to carefully inspect the outcomes of today's brewing session, she couldn't quite keep the worried frown off her face. How did other kids do it? Acting up, getting into trouble, pulling pranks even on their professors? Robin didn't have the slightest idea; this was the first time she had ever done anything so stupid and she already was determined that the momentary satisfaction she'd gotten out of it wasn't worth the anxiety of possibly getting caught. Maybe she just would have to grow a thicker skin against the bullying indeed. It's what her father already had so coldly told her to do in elementary school, when she had come home crying because the other kids had laughed at her for being… well, her.

But that was years ago. In Robin's mind, she was a different person now. No more crying, or rather no more letting others  _ see  _ her cry, and no more blindly trusting other people. All that, she had left behind even before she had stepped onto the train to Hogwarts. Now all she had was herself and her smarts, and she was determined that she wouldn't need anything else to succeed around here.

Her mental pep talk came to a sudden halt when the room around her fell oddly silent at once, leaving only the quiet bubbling of the potions to be heard. Robin looked up from her book that she had been staring at without actually taking the words in, only to see that her professor had gotten up from his desk and was now indeed making his way along the many rows of desks. How he moved absolutely soundlessly was a riddle to her, but she made a mental note to keep that talent of his in mind. Who knows, one day it might save her from being startled by him suddenly appearing behind her back.

For a few minutes, Robin subtly watched (and also eavesdropped) on Professor Snape giving various students his feedback, or rather a good scolding. Not one positive word left the man's lips, and not one student got spared his commentary. Seeing as it was only three more students before he would come peering into her own cauldron now, Robin nervously rearranged her notebooks into a perfect stack, placed her quill in a straight parallel line next to them, and quickly cleared her table of every and any leftover supplies and utensils before giving the desk a final (rather improvised) swipe with the sleeve of her robe. Maybe she should look up a spell for swipe-cleaning one of these days…

Then Professor Snape stepped around to Theresa's side of the desk, and Robin could already hear very little but the beating of her own heart at that point. 

"Forgetting our textbook and then having the audacity to mess up now, did we?" He commented in a threatening nonchalance, as his gaze lifted from Theresa's admittedly failed attempt at the antidote to her poor, blushing face.

"I-I really tried to, uh, to get it right…" She stuttered, averting her eyes from her professor's. In the dim light of the torches and candles alone, they almost looked entirely black as they gazed down at Theresa without any visible emotion while he waited for her to speak on. "Maybe I didn't measure the ingredients carefully enough… I think…"

"Obviously you didn't…" He simply voiced, with the same indifferent and slightly condescending expression he always wore. 

"Measure correctly?" Theresa inquired insecurely, and Robin bit her bottom lip in nervousness.

"Think." Was his only reply for a moment, but after a moment he gave Theresa a stern look and added, "Maybe less talking and more focus would be advisable next time, Miss Franklin. Consider the measurements a suggestion, not a fixed mark. Reevaluate based upon the reality in front of you."

"Yes, sir…" 

Robin's eyes stayed fixed on her professor as he took the two steps to stand right in front of her desk now, looking at the clean tabletop (the only one in the room), then at her with an eyebrow risen in that particular manner yet again, and finally down at the antidote simmering in her cauldron. She held her breath as his brows furrowed for a short moment, then his face went right back into its stoic solemnity. With his head still turned down towards her potion, his eyes shot up to hers for no more than three long seconds, before he straightened up even taller than he had been standing before and walked on to the next student without a single word.

Robin let out a shivery breath in utter confusion. If she was being honest with herself, she hadn't  _ really _ expected any praise coming from him. He never praised anyone, she'd already discovered that much. But at least a little acknowledgement, was that too much to ask for? Or at least a comment on what to improve? How was she supposed to learn like that?! A quiet huff of frustration pressed past her lips… was this a 'say nothing if you've got nothing nice to say' kind of thing? Hell no… he was brutal in his comments, he surely wouldn't just keep his scolding words to himself now. Then what was it? Had she disappointed him beyond words? Didn't he deem her worthy of feedback? Because she was a-... No. She had to stop thinking in Alexander's terms. And her wish for a change of topic was granted, even if more than likely to her disadvantage rather than her saving.

"Mister Downing… Care to explain?" Professor Snape hissed at Alexander, and all color drained from Robin's face as she slowly turned in her seat to witness the disaster unfold. The impending doom she had brought upon herself as much as upon him.

"But sir, I didn't do anything wrong!" Alexander defended himself, and a few indignant snorts were heard from the back of the room. Snape ignored them.

"You  _ clearly _ have no idea what situation you find yourself in, Mister Downing. Obviously it has escaped your notice that you were supposed to brew an antidote? Or haven't you learned to  _ read  _ prior to your arrival at Hogwarts?"

"No, sir! I followed all the instructions, and I did the reading on the outdatedness of bezoars, and…" 

"Pray tell, do you have an urgent desire for detention or are you truly this dense?" 

Now Robin finally couldn't suppress her own snort anymore, and she found herself forgiving Professor Snape for not giving her a proper feedback. Him mocking Alexander right now more than made up for it. Unfortunately, that was when Alexander caught on to her scheming as well, and his face turned beet red.

"SHE!" He yelled out, and Robin's smirk dropped immediately as he almost stabbed a stubby finger into her face. "That filthy mudblood told me that we were to exchange the bezoar for anco… acro…"

" _ Aconite _ ..." Robin groaned out under her breath, in utter annoyance and with a roll of her eyes, before she could remind herself to keep her stupid mouth shut. Bloody hell… that was as good a confession as she could've given. Well done, stupid.

Professor Snape's menacing eyes were on her in an instant, and Robin winced, then shuddered. Oh no… For a second he stared at her like he wanted to suck her soul out with his eyes alone, but then (to everyone's surprise) he turned back to Alexander.

"As it appears to me, Mister Downing, that despite this  _ tragic  _ joke made at your expense, you have failed to do your assigned reading prior to today's class. Also it would seem like you have made an enormous effort to keep everything I have been explaining to you dunderheads over the course of term from getting into the way of your astonishing ignorance." Professor Snape's voice was neutral, collected, yet sharp and dark as it got… but none of that could cover up the ever present sense of danger radiating off him in palpable waves. "I expect a ten page essay on bezoars and their many uses in potion making on my desk by Monday night." With that, he turned away from Alexander and scolded the next student for their poor attempt at the antidote, leaving Alexander to angrily pout to himself.

Robin for her part couldn't believe that professor Snape still had not wasted a single comment on her, nor that he had simply disregarded Alexander's constant bullying of other students. Didn't that matter at all? Or was it some bullshit pure blood privilege? Her heart was again beating furiously, almost jumping out of her chest at this pace, while her thoughts seemed to spin in circles. All things considered, she should feel lucky. She had stupidly enough admitted to doing what she'd been accused of, but there had been no consequences whatsoever. At least not for her. Alexander however…

"See, not even Snape denies that you're a filthy mudblood…" He muttered from behind her, in unmistakable hatred. "One of these days I'll kill you, jay, and he will even give me bloody house points for it."

"I'd like to see you try." Robin spat back, at last engaging in the pettiness of a vocal argument. But her capacity for taking bullshit surely was used up for today, as was her patience. "You, the great pure blood wizard who doesn't even know a single thing about bloody bezoars! Or about potions for that matter…"

"Oh, and YOU know all about potions, huh?" He sneered. "Don't be so bloody pretentious, you're  _ nothing _ , and I'll make sure that everyone knows that."

Before Robin could say any more to defend herself or her wounded pride, Professor Snape made his way back to the front of the classroom to make some final announcements before the end of class, robes billowing behind him theatrically as ever. With an annoyed sigh and a rapidly forming headache, Robin noted down her assignments in a notebook that had served her as a commonplace journal ever since the first week, before stowing away her supplies in her bag as soon as the class was dismissed. 

However once she rose to her feet to head out, the unmistakable deep voice of her professor cut right through the bristling noise of the other students. "Where do you think you are going, Miss Mitchell?" 

"...Sir?"

"My office, now." With this statement that desperately screamed 'punishment', he turned on his heels, and with strides that were so long that Robin wouldn't have been able to keep up even if she'd tried, he disappeared through a door at the very back of the room.

"Serves you right…" Alexander spoke up yet again, with another nasty grin. "I hope he kicks you out. And even if he doesn't, being alone in a room with Snape is definitely worse than writing a stupid ten page essay…" 

"Oh shut up, will you? At least come up with some good insults before you open your mouth." Robin growled back with a feigned angry frown, while still she nervously picked at the hem of her sleeves behind her back. A moment later Alexander made his way out of the classroom with his friends, muttering under his breath how much he hoped that Snape would just turn Robin into a heap of vermin, and for some reason she didn't rule that out of the wide range of possibilities for what was to happen to her soon. Once more her nerves got the better of her, and she bit her bottom lip as she frowned at the door in the front of the room. Before today, she hadn't taken notice of anyone being called into her professor's office, and that realization deeply concerned her. Could she truly be expelled for this one stupid practical joke?! 

"I'm sure he won't be all too harsh on you…" Theresa finally spoke up in a quiet voice that proved just how uncertain she was about her own statement. "And even if he is, just remember that… that… he's just…"

"Thanks for trying." Robin gave her a forced half smile. "I won't drag you into this, don't worry. As far as anyone knows, you never helped me do this."

"I wasn't concerned about that." She replied sympathetically and shouldered her backpack. "I just wanted to wish you look. I'll see you in transfiguration on Monday, yes?"

"Yeah…" Robin replied quietly, all the while not taking her eyes off the door to his office that he'd left ajar. "Have a-... uh, a nice weekend."

With a small nod Theresa left, and the very last students filed out soon after her, which left Robin standing alone in the middle of the silent classroom. And for the second time she asked herself: what had she done?!


	3. The Songbird - Part 3

As she slowly walked towards the door to his office, she reminded herself that she didn't want to look intimidated, and most definitely didn't want to cry. Especially not in front of Professor Snape! Alright, maybe she was scared of him after all. Summoning all bravery left within her, Robin knocked three times, before finally sticking her head through the small space between the door and its frame, not daring to open the door any further. 

"Took you long enough." Was his scolding reply to that, and Robin entered the office with careful steps while still chewing on her bottom lip. She was starting to taste the bitter sting of copper in her mouth, as her constant worrying had left her lip raw and the skin broken. Professor Snape seemed to be entirely indifferent to her nervousness. "Sit."

She complied immediately, taking a seat on a rustic but sturdy wooden chair across from him at the desk. For a short while she allowed her eyes to scan her surroundings as thoroughly as the moment would allow her, and she took in both the impressive collection of books and the astonishing variety of potions. The closer Robin looked, the more she realized that they were stacked and stashed absolutely everywhere, and yet everything seemed to follow some kind of sorting system, a certain logic she couldn't quite grasp at the first sight alone. But she appreciated it nonetheless, this intricately structured chaos that sparked her curiosity more than it intimidated her, and oddly enough she felt comfortable in his space right then. He was also just a person, a teacher with orders and rules to follow. Surely he couldn't kill her on the spot. The realization relaxed her enough to at least cease the worrying of her poor bruised lips. Her eyes shifted back to Professor Snape sitting behind the desk, and she studied his folded hands on the tabletop for a moment.

"What do you have to say for yourself?" He inquired with an eyebrow risen just enough to give an edge to the question despite the coolness of his tone, and Robin's eyes moved up to his dark ones.

She felt like someone had inflated a balloon inside her chest, and that balloon threatened to squeeze all air out of her lungs in return as she opened her mouth to reply. "I… He…" Her voice words came out croaked, while too many thoughts stumbled over each other in her mental race for a decent answer. Get a grip, Robin… "He was bullying Theresa."

Professor Snape raised an eyebrow at that, but his continued silence clearly communicated that he expected Robin to continue on, which she however had no intention to do. This was as good a reason as any, she thought, and whether he knew the truth or not didn't change the fact that she was the one in trouble right now. Almost a little defiantly, she held his gaze in silence, even if only to cover up for the way her heart raced and the fact that she felt sick to the pit of her stomach. 

"And you and Miss Franklin have been friends since…?" His eyes were fixed on Robin's so intently that she could feel his gaze at the back of her head, crawling through her brain like the chill creeping up her spine. It reminded her in an odd way of wearing the sorting hat.

"We're not." 

"I see…" Another interval of silence followed, while yet his eyes never left hers even for a second. Finally Robin felt uncomfortable enough to speak up once more.

"Sir… will you-... Will I be expelled now?"

His brows furrowed into a deep frown in an instant. "Don't be ridiculous, Miss Mitchell, stupidity doesn't suit you nearly as well as your classmates make it out to."

"Then… why am I here?" She dared to ask, voice small again as she tried to wrap her head around his cryptic remark. Was that supposed to be an insult or a compliment?

"You are here because you  _ knowingly _ tricked your classmates into brewing babbling beverage instead of the assigned antidote!" His voice was strict, his eyes cold and hard, and Robin wished to go back to being simply disregarded by him. It was better than being scolded.

"It's not like drinking it could've made the nonsense coming from him any worse, you know…" Robin muttered under her breath as she averted her eyes at last, focusing on a medium sized glass bottle on his desk instead. It held worms, of some kind, and Robin was surprised by how little the sight repelled her. Somewhere in her mind, a tiny voice wondered what their use might be. Where they could be collected or bought. If they were cut or squished for potion making.

Once the silence of the office became too suspicious yet again, she looked back up at her professor only to find the corner of his lips turned upwards into the barest hint of a smirk. Almost startled, Robin blinked in confusion at the almost-display of emotion coming from him, and the expression vanished from his face as suddenly as it had appeared.

"Indeed, it likely wouldn't have…" He finally said, a little milder in his tone, and Robin let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. "Still, it would interest me not only to hear how a first year came to know about babbling beverage, but also how said first year came to the conclusion that the instructions for the antidote could be altered into making the sooner."

"I read. A lot." Robin blurted out before her brain would come up with a more intelligent response. Looking at her hands, she added so quietly that she wasn't even sure if he would hear, "And I thought his oblivion was funny."

Professor Snape rolled his eyes and leaned back in his chair with a condescending sigh. "Has it ever crossed your mind that maybe there is more to consider when making a potion than just throwing together the ingredients on the list? And that thus the likelihood of successfully altering a potion without consequences of enormous gravity, at least for an inexperienced individual, is close to zero?"

"No, sir." Robin replied quietly, and her gaze dropped to her hands in her lap in shame. She felt ridiculous, embarrassed enough to wish the ground would swallow her up. Arrogance was a spiteful thing, especially when hers had been so very unwarranted. It has been five stupid weeks, and she had already believed to be on top of the world because she had gotten ONE bloody potion right.

"Do you deem Mister Downing's wrongs to be reason enough to quite possibly blow up the entire castle?"

"No, sir." That was it, she couldn't possibly embarrass herself more than she just had. In trying to prove to him that she was no complete dunderhead like everyone else, that she wanted to learn more about potions, she had only proved the very opposite.

"And, pray tell, did you seriously believe that I would tolerate such behavior in the first place?"

"No, sir." Robin's whisper was followed by yet another long moment of sobering silence, and she could feel his scrutinizing gaze lingering on her small figure as she slumped down even further into the chair.

"Contrary to popular belief, I do not overlook the wrongs done by students of my own house, nor those of any other for that matter." He sighed at last, finally releasing her from his scrutinizing watch in order to let his eyes travel over to a bookshelf on the wall. Robin had heard this rumor before, that he had a rather strong game of favoring Slytherins going on, but she hadn't yet seen any of that for herself. In class, he looked down on everyone just the same. And now, she would be punished just the same. "Tell me, Miss Mitchell, what would you deem an appropriate punishment to give now?"

"For… for the babbling beverage or for the failed essay, sir?" She winced inwardly as she spoke, hoping to not upset him any further by asking questions in the first place.

Professor Snape however, for once, looked mildly surprised by her words and lifted one eyebrow even higher in return. "Neither. I was referring to Mister Downing's repeated abuse of the English language to cover up for his admittedly justified inferiority complex."

The wheels in Robin's brain turned for a moment, then her eyes snapped up from her lap to meet his in genuine surprise. "You… had him write that essay because he's bullying people?"

Snape rolled his eyes again. He seemed to do that a lot whenever Robin spoke up. "Punishing him for bullying people would  _ encourage _ that boy rather than have him reconsider his pathetic behavior. I wouldn't give him another reason to act out his hatred."

"But, I mean, you asked me about a punishment that's appropriate for him bullying people, but you also didn't want to punish him for it yourself… But then you still gave him that essay? What kind of answer do you expect me to give in the first place?"

"Isn't that obvious enough?"

For a moment, Robin thought over everything that had been said, and everything that hadn't. She didn't want to blurt out the first thing that came to her mind again, not after him just showing her that she'd literally hit rock bottom of her own misguided pride. Then a different thought graced her spinning mind and brought it to a sudden stop. "Why would you ask what punishment I would give  _ now _ ?"

Again she was met with a silence that urged her to continue, and this time she actually did, trying to not let him down again. "You asked what punishment I would give NOW… meaning I did, actually, punish him before already, by… by having him make the babbling beverage. But I understand that… that it was very foolish of me to act that way. My revenge only led him to have even more reason to bully m-... Theresa. And… it was stupid of me to mess with things I know practically nothing about, and arrogant to assume I knew enough about it in the first place. I'm sorry…"

"Are you?" Professor Snape asked calmly while lifting his eyebrow once more in question, thereby looking almost bemused by Robin's monologue of misery.

His question made Robin blush, for no other reason than because he had straight up caught her lying to him. Could he… no, surely not. But then again… there WAS a rumour about Professor Snape being able to read minds, wasn't there? She decided not to test her luck today and stick to the truth, however painful that might be. Childish behavior had gotten her into enough trouble already. It was nothing but the truth for her from now on.

"Actually… no. And yes." She earned herself another eye rolling for that, but continued nonetheless. "I'm not sorry that I defended Theresa even though we're not friends, specifically. I'm not sorry I defended any innocent person in general. I'm not sorry I defended  _ myself _ . But I am truly and honestly sorry for…" She bit her own tongue before she could finish the sentence. What she'd meant to say wasn't something he wanted to hear, and it certainly wasn't something she wanted to admit to.

"Yes?" A pause. "Do go on, Miss Mitchell."

"For disappointing you, sir." Robin finally said, as the crimson crept up her neck and onto her cheeks, feeling uneasy by how true the statement was indeed. She absolutely hated disappointing people she looked up to. "For being the bloody idiot you likely take me for. The stupid muggle born Slytherin who disgraces your house. The dunderhead who failed her essay because she was too proud to ask for clearer instructions. The arrogant-"

"Get over yourself already." He almost snarled, and Robin's eyes snapped back up at him in irritation and just a little more hurt than she would've liked to let on. Here she was, telling him she was scared as hell to disappoint him, and he told her to get over herself? Before tears finally rose to her eyes however, for but a short moment, his face showed discomfort rather than reproach, and her feeling of hurt ebbed down significantly in an instant. A second later however, his frown deepened and the mixed expression vanished from his face as he spoke on. "I did not expect you to be sorry for your actions, and that is not why I asked about your take on punishment."

"You... did not?"

Another eye roll. "Obviously. I had rather hoped you would come to understand my terms of punishment." When Robin merely kept looking at him expectantly, he added, "Well?"

"Uh..." Think, Robin… what's he trying to say? What's the lesson here? She spoke on before she knew the answer to either question. "If it wasn't just his failure at the antidote or his bullying of people… Maybe Alexander's error, ultimately, was that he didn't do his readings, and didn't pay attention in class. And that was why you assigned him the essay. For him to… to learn about what he'd failed to learn before."

For the first time since Robin had known him, Professor Snape looked pleased. And that about her very own words! She let out a relieved breath; obviously she had drawn the right conclusion from what he had said after all.

"And what did you fail at today, Miss Mitchell?" He asked in a pointed drawl while quirking an eyebrow at her yet again.

Did 'everything' count as an answer? Probably not, she had to think deeper than that. "My-... my essay?" That, quite possibly, was the worst answer she could've given, and Robin wanted to smack herself in the head if he didn't preempt her.

But all she got was a scowl, and that impossibly intense gaze again. "I have no intention to justify my grading in front of my students, if that is what you are trying to achieve by bringing it up again." He rose to his feet with a start, and Robin jumped quite visibly at the sudden movement, which in return made him roll his eyes even more as he walked over to the bookshelf. He scanned the spines of the books at eye level for a moment, then spoke on. "However since you seem to care more about your performance in this subject than about the subject itself, let me assure you that your essay grade is fairly reflective of your classwork in general."

Bloody hell, did he really think that badly of her? Didn't he see that she worked so hard just to appease him? Or that-... Oh.

Her shoulders slumped as realization dawned on her, and she suddenly found great interest in her shoes and the dark stone floor beneath. He had put it rather brilliantly… every ounce of her efforts had gone into getting a perfect grade, not into studying the subject of potions itself. The worst part about it was that his words hadn't even been the slightest bit taunting, without any accusation, as if he deemed it perfectly legitimate to just try for grades. That perhaps was what made her feel guilty the most; that she's had a choice, and only now came to realize that she had chosen wrong. Not in his eyes, but in her own. 

She suddenly came to realize, with a startling desperation, that she actually wanted to learn more about the wide field of potions for learning's sake, not because it would get her good grades or praise, but because she actually cared about the subject. Honestly cared, more than she had really understood before being confronted with the two alternatives as for why someone would work this hard. Maybe it wasn't too late for her to get on the right track just yet. Still, Robin sighed in regret for the time lost and the wrong impressions made.

"I think I do know what I failed at, professor. Not only today, but ever since the start of term… And I'm sorry. Truly." Saying those last words at last, she lifted her eyes off the floor once more to seek his in an attempt to convey that she actually meant it. That the message was understood, appreciated even, and that she had the honest-to-the-core intention to act on it too. 

For a moment his eyes remained fixed on hers, leaving Robin to feel the odd tingling in the back of her mind yet again, and she subsequently started picking at the sleeves of her robes again. 

"Do you know what this is?" His surprisingly calmly spoken question replaced an actual answer to Robin's statement as he took a step closer and held the item in his hands out for her to see.

"A book, sir?" Robin's immediate reply was paired with her own eyebrow rising in question, and only after a heartbeat did she realize that she had just sassed her professor. The adrenaline caused by a natural flight instinct hit her like a brick wall, and she held her breath in shock and anticipation .

His immediate response was not much different than hers, to be honest, a good mixture of sincere shock and surprise, but also… subtle amusement? His guard was back up before she could properly grasp it.

"It's a  _ chance _ , Miss Mitchell." He finally said, obviously deciding to let her previous retort slip as he handed the book to Robin and then moved to sit back down behind his desk, watching her in silence until at last she looked back up at him. "As opposed to engaging in the average pettiness of the other imbecile children in order to gain their respect and recognition, I propose you don't attempt to prove yourself by their very means at all. You cannot, and the sooner you come to realize that, the sooner you will discover that the only way to achieve what you are striving for is to stop trying to be equal and start trying to be  _ better _ ."

"...Sir?"

"You heard me, Miss Mitchell." His tone held a graveness that had Robin's skin tingle in an equally pleasant and frightening way, leaving her breathless and just a bit dizzy. "Prove. Them. Wrong. And not through the usual pathetic scramble over blood status and grades."

Her eyes widened at that, and she stared at him as if he'd told her about the existence of aliens or something equally unbelievable. Had he truly said what she had heard, subtext and all? She had so much to think about, so many cryptic statements to sort through…

"That would be all." The bored indifference had returned to his voice, and he dropped his gaze from Robin's eyes down to the students' notebooks on his desk without another word.

"But… you haven't given me any sort of punishment, sir. For the babbling beverage." Robin spoke up quietly as she rose to her feet, unsure why she would even bring it up. Maybe because she thought that she deserved to be punished after all… it would certainly clear her conscience of the remaining guilt.

Professor Snape sighed in rather badly feigned annoyance that even Robin could spot for once, and dropped his quill onto the desk a little more forcefully than necessary before he looked back up at her. "What did we discuss about punishment, Miss Mitchell?"

"That, uh, that it's supposed to make you learn what you failed to know before?"

"And?"

"And… in regards to the babbling beverage… I would need to learn that…" She almost wanted to say 'I shouldn't have done it', but that wasn't it. That couldn't be it. Severus Snape would not have taken so much time and so many words just to have her realize that pulling pranks in class wasn't cool. So she took a breath, and took a chance. "... that revenge by their means only leads to more suffering on either end. And that if… WHEN I get my revenge, I better be the smartest person in the room."

This time the smirk playing on his lips was quite certainly a smirk indeed, and Robin felt tremendously pleased. However she knew better now than to show a reaction to it and thus she simply made sure to remember that her professor actually  _ could _ look pleased if one got that far with him.

"I believe you have a class to get to. We are done here." He said and turned back towards his work, causing his long hair to hide his face from Robin's sight for the most part. Didn't he like people seeing him show positive reactions? Probably not. 

"Thank you, sir…"

"Don't thank me. I'm responsible for a house full of morons, and I would much prefer to have one person less to worry about." He said, and added almost with a humored tone as Robin made for the door, "Read the book, Miss Mitchell."

"Yes, sir." She smiled despite the insult, for she got the lasting impression that it hadn't been directed at her. "I'll be done by Thursday."

"Make that Tuesday and I might actually be impressed." He murmured as Robin stepped out of the office, and she couldn't believe that he'd actually sassed her back. In a humorous manner! The grin that fell onto her face didn't cease as she hurried through the classroom and out into the hallway, through the dungeons and up the spiral staircase. 

Only once she walked through the empty courtyard, book still tightly clutched to her chest, she realized just how late she actually was to her defense against the dark arts class. A good thirty minutes! Bloody hell… Professor Morgan would have her head, and quite possibly every other body part carefully separated from the other as well. That is… if she showed up in the first place. When it was either playing practice dummy for the rest of the class, or getting some quality time and have a look at Professor Snape's book, there wasn't really a choice to make. 

Once she had arrived back in her empty dorm room and sat down cross-legged on her bed, she stared down at the book in her hands. ' _ Basic Herbology for Potioneers' _ … Huh, why would her potions professor give her a book about herbology? She had never considered that a subject might actually be of use for another, but then again, it definitely made an odd amount of sense. Especially with potions and herbology. With all those plants she had read about while researching for… The essay!

With a sharp intake of breath, Robin dug through her bag in search for the crumpled up pages of parchment. Somehow, after having Professor Snape unveil the truth about her focus on grades instead of knowledge, the stupid essay had greatly lost in significance to her. Even if she had gotten a bad grade… and even if that meant that her overall performance was bad as well… she would try to be better from now on, in a general manner and not just about grades. However a little ambition couldn't hurt either, and thus she unrolled the papers without the sour feeling she had gotten at its mere sight this morning.

Below the very last of her own written lines, her professor had scribbled a dark red 'O'. At first Robin mistook it for a zero, then however she read his comment.

_ 'Congratulations for being the first student to not completely bore me out of my mind.' _

Robin let out a short laugh, then shook her head to herself as she kept on grinning. She felt absolutely exhilarated, because even now that it was an 'outstanding' instead of a failing grade on her essay, she actually didn't care anymore. Sure, she was relieved to have passed, and giddy to be the first student to get an outstanding from Professor Snape, but she didn't actually _ need _ it anymore. Because she had been shown a better path, because she would be better indeed. With the goal to actually understand and remember what she read before she would return the book on Monday night, she finally started on the first page.

_______________

Christmas break had been long awaited by many, and in hindsight Robin was almost embarrassed to admit that she rather had been looking forward to it as well. However the second she had come home to an empty house and a note saying that her parents were at a work event that night, and that they were sure she'd be alright on her own 'because she was twelve now after all and used to being on her own at school', she had regretted coming home in the first place. Her entire Christmas break was either spent alone in her home, watching her parents work when they were there, or listening to them talk about work during meals. Really, meals were the only time they talked at all, but Robin still found herself surprised when the conversation took on a different topic than her parents' work or general household matters for once.

"So tell us, Robin, how do you like the new school?" Her father asked completely out of the blue, after ten minutes of talking about some kind of cells Robin hadn't even understood the name of. Something weird in Latin, or whatever language that had been.

"I, uh…" She found herself at a loss for an answer for a moment only, then however the words all came rushing to her mind at once. "It's amazing, actually! The subjects are completely different to anything you will ever have heard of, things like transfiguration, or defense against the dark arts… or potions! Potions is my favorite, it's super hard but also so much fun! Oddly enough, the other students can't stand our professor in that class at all, actually nobody but me can, but I get along with him for some reason! I borrow books from him every week, once or twice even, depending on the time I have and the amount of pages or the difficulty of the topic… He's also responsible for our house! There's actual houses people get sorted into in the beginning of their first year, can you believe that? And they have this competition for points between them, and I often times get awarded points for giving right answers in class! Oh, and don't even get me started on the library they have! Really, learning is so much fun when you like the subject, and I like most of them a lot!"

The excitement about finally being able to talk about these things to someone completely overtook Robin in a wild rush, and she couldn't help smiling widely as she spoke, but after a while of talking she had to realize that neither of her parents actually seemed to pay too much attention to what she was saying. Her smile faded, and she paused in her stories.

"That's lovely, sweetie." Her mom replied the very moment Robin fell silent, and honestly the reply couldn't have been more generic. "Can you keep up with everyone? How about your grades, do you even have something like that?"

As the realization set in that her mother hadn't really been listening indeed, Robin suddenly lost both her appetite and her willingness to converse at all. She felt stupid to have rambled like that… felt like someone had punched her in the stomach.

"I get good grades, better than most." She made herself say though, picking at the broccoli on her plate while tears of stupid humiliation made her vision swim together. "Even though I have… uh… I've been trying to focus more on… learning, instead of grades."

"Good, good…" Robin's father answered with a small nod that looked almost content, and she already felt a little better upon his approval. But his voice turned into the very opposite direction when he spoke on. "So you would like to keep attending this school instead of a normal one, I assume?"

"Yes." Robin replied in an instant, in utmost determination for once. Going to Hogwarts was the best thing that had ever happened to her, and she wouldn't let anyone take that from her again.

"I hope you are aware of how that is limiting you in regard to potential future careers." He went on, and Robin only rolled her eyes. They'd had this conversation a year ago already, when she had first received the letter of acceptance. 

"She is twelve, she doesn't think about future careers!" Her mom argued right back. "And she can still get a real degree when she is done with the magic!"

"Right, because a nineteen-year-old with a degree in magic tricks will get accepted into any of the colleges…" He scoffed in sarcasm, dropping his cutlery on the table much like Robin had. "Look at your own students and tell me that they haven't all struggled through a real education first!"

"You don't even know anything about Hogwarts or the things they teach there!" Robin protested with an angry frown. "It's as serious a school as any of your world!"

"Did you hear that?! 'Your world', she says, as if she isn't even part of it anymore!" Her dad ignored her and looked only at her mom across the table. "I was against this nonsense from the start. But if Robin is happy where she is, please, I haven't said anything at all!"

"But I can continue going to Hogwarts, yes?" Robin asked, even though she was being actively ignored in this conversation about her.

"Yes, sweetie. Your dad is just concerned, that is all. You're doing great, I'm sure." Her mom finally took enough pity to reply, and Robin felt relieved upon that at least.

Neither spoke a word after that, and Robin still didn't touch her food until her father told her to finish what had been put on her plate for manners' sake. She did, but she didn't stop the tears from running over her cheeks at the same time.

The only good thing that came of her holidays spent at home was the allowance she received for Christmas. Her parents had explained to her that they didn't actually know what she liked in terms of presents anymore, nor what she would like to be given as a gift, and thus she might as well use the money given to her to buy something she truly wanted. Robin found that even if it was a little impersonal, she didn't mind the arrangement all that much, and went ahead to invest her (admittedly pretty gracious amount of) Christmas money in Diagon Alley. She bought more books than she cared to admit, some purely out of curiosity and others because she had previously borrowed them from Professor Snape and had been especially reluctant to return them once she'd read them through. After having an elderly witch who worked in the bookstore shrink all the books to a traveling size for her –and give her an entire book of literature related spells for free so she could bring them back to their original size once at Hogwarts– Robin went ahead to spend the very last of her 'gift' on buying herself an antique locket on a chain. It wasn't anything extraordinary, but quite beautifully made and worth every penny in her opinion, despite its obvious signs of age. She didn't really know what made her buy it nor what to put in it yet, but she had an inkling that eventually she would come to know.


	4. The Songbird - Part 4

On the night of Robin's return to Hogwarts, she felt honestly relieved to be back at the castle. It had become a true home to her over the last months, and the old stones, moving paintings and long hallways had her feeling more welcome here than her own family home did at this point. Most of all she had missed the dungeons, with their freezing air, gloomy atmosphere and serene darkness. Hell, she even had missed most of her classes and teachers! What, or rather  _ who _ she hadn't missed at all however was Professor Morgan. 

If there ever had been two people who simply couldn't stand each other's guts, it was Robin and Damion Morgan. Ever since the first week of term, he had been unreasonably harsh and hostile towards her, and that without any fathomable reason. Robin had tried for weeks on end to get on his good side, without any success whatsoever. At last she had simply accepted that everyone but her seemed to adore the 'handsome young professor', as the members of her study group liked to call him, and that he in return seemed to adore everyone except for Robin.

And it was exactly this defense against the dark arts professor who approached Robin as she left the great hall after dinner one Friday night, two long months after the end of Christmas break.

"Miss Mitchell…" His almost cheerful voice made Robin jump, and she pressed the book she carried even more tightly against her chest. She knew better than to be misguided by his friendly attitude, even when he came to stand in front of her with a smile. "Where would we be headed at this time of night?"

"To… the dungeons?" Robin replied without much thought, as she peered up at him in the dim light of the candles. It was true, she was merely heading from dinner to her room, not even taking any detours. In her eyes there was yet again no reason for Morgan to bother her, to call her out for absolutely nothing, and yet again he still did just that for some unknown reason.

"Huh…" He quipped, feigning both a frown and a nonchalant smile at once. "Curious that you would be heading there now… After what you did today, one would assume you would make a little more effort to hide away."

"I'm not hiding, sir…" Robin replied immediately, both in surprise and defense, as a deep frown fell upon her face as well. "I don't know what you're talking about, actually. I spent the entire day in class or in the library, I can hardly imagine either of that to be wrong."

"Of course you don't know what I'm talking about…" He sighed in resignation, then grabbed Robin's arm and started dragging her towards his classroom. "None of you students ever know anything at all when it comes down to the inevitable question of who is guilty and who is not."

"Please, Professor, I didn't do anything wrong! I swear!" Robin protested, but still didn't dare to resist as he dragged her along so very harshly. "Where are we going?"

"Detention, my dearest. You will have a great time cleaning up the mess you made in my classroom. And if it takes you all night, then perhaps you will learn not to mess with me!" He declared almost happily, but didn't loosen up his death grip on Robin's arm even as he had to see that she was following him without resistance now. 

By the time they hurried up the spiral staircase, his hold on her was seriously starting to hurt, but Robin didn't dare complaining. The sudden turn of events, and foremost the suddenly very real threat of getting detention for something she hadn't done in the first place had finally made its into every part of her mind, and Robin found that she was petrified with fear. Whatever it was he believed her to have done, she saw close to no possibility to convince him of her innocence. Her heart was racing like crazy at this point, her stomach churning as it always did when she was afraid, which made her believe that she couldn't actually get a decent word of protest out even if she tried.

A moment later they arrived in front of the classroom door, and Professor Morgan merely kicked it open with one foot before dragging Robin inside. The immediate sight she got of the aforementioned 'mess' was quite repelling, to say the least, and she wondered how anyone in their right mind would even be able to create such thing. Papers were scattered everywhere, books ripped apart and models trashed, and in addition to the sheer demolition alone, the entire room was covered in a disgustingly smelling black-purple goo.

"What happened here?!" Robin asked in quiet shock, while at last her arm was released and she could try to soothe the hurting spot that surely would bruise by tomorrow morning.

"Oh quit the act already, will you?" Morgan sighed again and pushed Robin further into the room. "You are going to clean this classroom until it's absolutely spotless, and you're not going to leave a second before that is done to my fullest contentment."

"But sir,-"

"No 'but', Miss Mitchell. You have gotten yourself into this and you're going to get yourself out of it again."

"I don't even know any cleaning spells…" Her voice was almost too quiet now, defeated and flat… she didn't like how she sounded at all. But it was late, and she was tired after a long day of studying, and she just wanted to read the book she had gotten from Professor Snape that morning after potions class… but as it seemed, that wouldn't be happening any time soon.

"Well, you better get started doing it the old-fashioned way, then." He gave her another overly bright smile, then summoned up a bucket filled with a strangely smelling pinkish liquid, a rag and a broom. "Doesn't that look like fun…"

"But-" Robin started, but upon the glare she got in return, her voice lowered in volume significantly. "...the water smells funny."

"Well, obviously it does, silly…" Professor Morgan scoffed, "It's a cleaning solution. How else would you get the… slime off." 

Before Robin could say anything that would indicate her concern about touching that stuff, Professor Morgan turned back towards the door and stepped out into the hallway. "As I said, I expect this to be done and over with once I return."

"Aren't… you going to be staying here?" The frown on Robin's face deepened once she realized that he was actually going to leave her alone. "Isn't detention to be supervised by a professor?"

"The way I see it, you can hardly mess up the room any more than you already have, so why would I need to be staying? This room's disgusting!" He let out an incredulous chuckle, "And I've gotten an important… appointment to attend to. Truth be told, I'm already quite late." Then he shook his head to himself and pulled the door shut from the outside at last. 

Robin heard a few whispered words, then a faint bluish glow crept through the gap underneath the door for but a second before it faded as well, leaving the classroom illuminated by only the moonlight falling through the tall windows. A vain attempt to free herself revealed that the door was indeed quite as locked as it could be, and wouldn't even budge under Robin's admittedly mediocre use of alohomora. She regretted not spending at least a little more time and effort on charms class, but then again, charms was more of a 'say-the-word, do-the-thing' kind of subject, and Robin preferred a little more thinking and a little less learning by heart. It didn't matter now, because for now, she still had a classroom to clean.

With a sigh in resignation, Robin placed her book on the only clean spot in the room (she made sure of that twice) and got working without wasting any more precious moonlight.

… … … 

Five long hours later, the room was cleaner than it had probably been in years. Decades, even.

To begin with, Robin had used one of the spells she had read about in her book about literature she had gotten with her Christmas purchases. It had neatly restored the books that had been torn apart, and she had to spend little additional time to put them all back into what seemed a good place to store them. Next, she had used the cleaning spell she had finally been able to learn by heart a few months ago, the same one she frequently used to clean her workspace in potions class. At last however, she had found that the blackish goo wouldn't even faintly disappear from any of her tidying spells, and thus she indeed had to revert to doing things the old fashioned way: taking the rag and the bucket into her own hands to scrape the bloody stuff off every single surface in the classroom. 

And bloody it had been indeed, or at least extremely unpleasant, if not straight out torturous. While Professor Morgan's cleaning solution did indeed work extraordinarily well to get rid of the goo, it had also turned out to be rather extraordinary at getting rid of the skin on Robin's hands. After three and a half hours of being wrist-deep in the rather aggressive solution, Robin was just about ready to burst into tears over the unyielding pain. However she hadn't once thought about quitting, not even when her hands had started bleeding and her skin had burnt like liquid fire. That would've come equal to admitting her defeat to Professor Morgan, and Robin was both too proud and too stubborn to let that happen. She would not give that man any reason at all to justify what he had done to her, but she would prove that she wasn't what he believed her to be. Even if for now that meant taking the unfair punishment with dignity. 

When at last the classroom was spotless, her hands bloody and burnt, and Robin in her entirety dead tired, it was well after one o'clock at night. So much for being in bed before curfew…

With a slightly pained groan, Robin rose to her feet after spending hours on her knees and walked towards the door that promised her freedom. She picked up her book, or rather Snape's book, with the sleeves of her black jumper, not risking to get any blood on it, before at last she tried the door once more. It still wouldn't budge.

Groaning in annoyance, tiredness and frustration, Robin tried every spell about locks, doors or gates she could recall, but without any results. She was still locked inside the classroom. Somehow she had hoped that the spell keeping her in here would be undone the very moment the room was spotless, but obviously she had overestimated Morgan's creativity.

Well, in this case she would have to wait until he came back to check on her, which in Robin's eyes might just as well take a couple more hours. It wasn't much of a rumor and more of a well known truth that Professor Morgan enjoyed to visit Hogsmeade in the late hours of the night, and sometimes only returned after sunrise the next morning. And when he returned, his robes were ruffled and the blackness in his eyes dilated to the obvious. Or so Robin had heard, at least, and for once she felt rather prone to believe the gossip, even if only because she wanted it to be true. It was a nice mental image to snort over in class.

With another sigh, Robin walked back through the moonlit room and finally allowed herself to light a few candles as well. She had refused to do so earlier, for the long and dark shadows they usually created would've made it rather difficult to find but the very last spot of dirt in their darkest depths. But now that she was done cleaning, she might just as well do some reading in candlelight, if only she was careful not to let her injured hands touch the paper. Hopefully ' _ Mandrake and its Use in Modern Age Potion Making'  _ would make the time until she would be released from her prison a whole lot more interesting, and the night overall a little less lonely.

… … … 

The short, muttered words on the other side of the door didn't suffice by far for Robin to prepare herself for the door to fly open with a start, and she let out a surprised yelp as the book in her fabric covered hands slipped to the ground with a quiet thump. 

"What in God's name are you doing in here?!" Professor McGonagall's both surprised and scolding tone didn't help with the inevitable racing of Robin's heart at all. "Miss Mitchell?! It's three o'clock in the morning, you ought to have been in bed for hours!"

"Professor!" Robin finally blurted out in relief, as she picked up the book carefully, with her hands still covered. At least it wasn't Morgan, anyone but him was a joy to see at this point. "I can explain…"

"I surely do hope so."

"You see, Professor Morgan locked me in here at around eight o'clock last evening, for me to clean the room of the absolute grossness it had been covered in. And well… he said he'd come back to let me out again, but that was hours ago, and he's not yet returned from his… appointment."

"And why by the heavens would Professor Morgan lock you in here to clean in the middle of the night, and entirely by yourself as well?" McGonagall's voice as well as the incredulous frown on her face spoke volumes about what she thought of Robin's story, but Robin wasn't yet ready to give up on the truth.

"He clearly must've believed that I caused the mess in the first place, which I solemnly swear I did not!" Robin pressed the book to her chest in a vain attempt to find some comfort in it, and walked towards the transfiguration professor with a hopeful face that indeed betrayed her emotions as well. "He stopped me in the hallway after dinner, and dragged me straight up here."

Professor McGonagall frowned down at Robin with a stern expression in return. "Did anyone witness this incident?"

"Well, no, but-"

"And did Professor Morgan, by any chance, tell you to sit around here, reading books in the candlelight, after you had  _ cleaned _ ?" 

"No, I-"

"Miss Mitchell…" Professor McGonagall raised her hand to silence Robin, which she did comply to with a sudden and heavy weight on her heart. "If you are going to come up with a story to cover up for your nightly detours, at least make sure to make it reasonable."

"But professor, I-"

"That's enough." She cut in, and Robin felt her own strive for the truth deflate like a balloon. "It's not for me to decide what we are to do with you, but let me assure you, if you were in my house you would be cleaning classrooms for that accusation of Professor Morgan alone." With that, McGonagall turned towards the door with the unspoken yet unmistakable message for Robin to follow her. 

As they descended down the spiral staircase, Robin felt like she should say something, do something, anything to make her professor see the truth… but no words would come across her lips. She felt defeated, and betrayed by justice. Sure, professors were only humans, but was it too much to ask of them to believe her? Didn't they realize that she wasn't full of the same lies and pathetic behavior the other children showed? Obviously not. Thus, in a mixture of betrayal and indifferent numbness, Robin ignored the pain that was still spreading from her hands up her arms and followed her professor down into the dungeons. Maybe she would at least, at last, be able to get some sleep now… However, much to Robin's surprise, McGonagall didn't lead her to the dorms, but rather right towards Professor Snape's office. Well, just bloody great… now she would need to disappoint her favorite professor as well, and all that in the same hellshow of a night that just refused to come to and end already. She just wanted to sleep, for God's sake…

McGonagall knocked on the door twice, then waited in silence. Two seconds later, the door was ripped open with a start, and an angry looking Snape glared down at the two females on his doorstep. Upon seeing McGonagall however, his anger turned into indifference first, then into annoyance.

"Good evening, Severus." McGonagall spoke and put a firm hand on Robin's should once she noticed her taking small steps backwards. 

"To what do I owe this…  _ pleasure _ ?" Snape asked ever neutrally with just a subtle hint of sarcasm, and Robin almost let out a bitter snort. It wasn't much of a humorous situation, rather the opposite, but seeing that his modes of communication with fellow professors didn't differ from the way he spoke to the students just made Robin feel a little bit better.

"I caught one of your students out of bed, while on my patrol." McGonagall phrased it almost as an accusation, which made Robin frown. " _ Reading _ , in Damion's classroom. She had locked herself in with a rather badly cast charm on the door, and hadn't it been for the light of the candles… I might not have found her at all."

For a second, Snape's eyes flicked down to Robin's, and she felt her heart sinking to the bottom of her stomach. Oh no… he was mad at her. For real, this time. And that could only mean real trouble in return. With a start, Robin felt her eyes watering and once Snape looked back up at McGonagall, the first tears spilled down her burning cheeks. Damnit… she had always made such an effort not to cry in front of anyone. But she was just too tired, too disappointed in the loss of truth and the world, too focused on ignoring the pain to actually care anymore. Not tonight anyway.

"Thank you, Minerva, I will take care of the situation. Right away." With that Snape pulled Robin into the office by her other shoulder, then simply shut the door into his colleague's face. With two long strides he was back behind his desk, sat down, and went back to scribbling line after line onto a piece of parchment in silence as if Robin wasn't even there. 

For a moment Robin simply stood in the middle of the office and focused on stopping the tears falling from her eyes like the rain outside had been doing for days. Only once she felt like she had somewhat regained her composure and was more or less ready to face a harsh scolding, she looked up to her professor at last.

"Care to explain?" He asked as if she hadn't just spent five minutes crying in the middle of the room. Actually, she found herself thankful that he ignored it entirely. But that didn't change the fact that she had already spent enough time trying to convince people of her innocence today. It had never worked, so she might as well spare both of them the time and get the seemingly inevitable scolding over with as soon as possible.

"No." She thus answered in a neutral but quiet tone. "Please, professor… just tell me how horribly I have disappointed you tonight, and how I'm going to get a month's worth of detention. I honestly just want this night to end already."

At that Snape looked up from his work at last, and his eyes sought Robin's until she felt the tingle in the back of her head once more. Honestly, she didn't even care if he yelled at her now. She just wanted to go to bed and cry herself to sleep, in the hopes that at least her hands would hurt less once she woke back up in the morning. 

"I can believe Professor McGonagall's account of the occurrences then?" He raised his eyebrows a little, and placed his quill down on the table to sit up straight to observe Robin more intently.

"I'm fairly certain you can believe whatever you want, sir."

A few muscles in his face ticked upon that, but it didn't reveal any possible thoughts he could be having in reaction to her words. Robin hugged the book even tighter to her chest, but didn't look away from his testing gaze. She'd stopped being afraid of him the first time he'd given her a book to read, and by now she actually found his focused seriousness and honesty to be admirable traits every other teacher seemed to be missing. He'd become her favorite professor a good while ago, for a good reason.

"Then I believe we are done here, Miss Mitchell. You are free to go." He said, and motioned towards the door without another word. 

Robin didn't need to be told twice, and in her desperate wish to get back to her room before her eyes would start watering again, she almost ran face first into the door. Embarrassed, she tried the handle once more, wincing as the fabric of her jumper rubbed against her broken skin the wrong way, but yet she couldn't open the door. Completely confused, she turned back to Professor Snape only to find him still watching her intently.

"Well?" He merely prompted, motioning to the door again, and Robin took out her wand with shaking hands that were a dangerous indicator of how close she felt to falling apart completely at last. She tried the same variety of spells she had previously used in the defense against the dark arts classroom, and with the very same result. Nothing. The door wouldn't move an inch, and the tears were back in her eyes as well. Why did everyone have to torture her tonight?!

"Quite impossible without the right spell, isn't it?" Snape's voice sounded from close behind Robin all of a sudden that she dropped both the book and her wand with a startled shriek, while her hands flew up to her face to cover her eyes. A childish reaction, admittedly, but she couldn't care less at the moment. She just wanted everything and everyone to go away already and leave her alone.

Snape however, standing a few feet behind her now, did rather the opposite and moved Robin's now uncovered hand away from her face with such a startling carefulness that she dropped her other hand as well to look at him in honest surprise. He was looking down at the bloody mess that were her fingers, carefully twisting her hand over in his own without actually hurting Robin any more than it would've hurt without his chilled touch. She had no idea how he did that.

"The truth, Miss Mitchell. Now." He finally commanded with a voice as grave as she'd ever heard it, while yet he dropped her hand beyond carefully indeed, before moving over to a shelf full of small bottles and vials.

"I… I didn't mean to keep things from you, professor…" She started, swallowing down the lump in her throat. Maybe  _ he  _ would actually believe her. The least likely person to show compassion. "It's just… I told Professor McGonagall, and she didn't believe a word I said, and earlier Professor Morgan didn't believe me either, so I just… If I get scolded for telling the truth anyway, why bother telling it at all, you know?"

"Well, I am listening now, am I not?" He simply gave back, stern as ever while looking through the potions, but to Robin those words actually meant more than she cared to admit. Because she actually believed him. 

"It all started after dinner today… well, yesterday actually. I was walking towards the common room, at around eight probably, when Professor Morgan approached me out of nowhere and dragged me to his classroom, saying he was giving me detention for what I did today. The class was an absolute mess, all destroyed and covered in that blackish purple goo… And Professor Morgan told me to clean up the room spotless before he returned. Then he left me with a rag, a broom and some cleaning solution, and locked me into the classroom before he left. Told me he had an appointment and that he'd come back later… but he never did, and I couldn't get out on my own, so I sat there and read the book you gave me. To at least make some good use of my night." Robin finished with a nervous anxiety that was making her hands tremble, and obediently sat down on the chair Snape pointed her to once he turned back towards her. 

He held out a small vial filled with green liquid for a moment, then handed it to her. "Drink this."

"Is…" Now the rest of her body started shaking as well, maybe out of anxiety, or maybe out of sheer tiredness. But she still couldn't suppress her curiosity, not even in this state. "Is that Wiggenweld Potion?"

His brows lifted in mild surprise, and that barely-even-there smirk played on his lips once more as he sat down across from her in his own chair. "It is indeed…"

"Oh…" Robin breathed in equal surprise, and since she didn't know what else to say, she moved to down the contents of the frail glass bottle, coughing upon the rather unpleasant taste but swallowing it nonetheless.

"What happened to your hands?" He asked without wasting any more time, every sign of amusement gone from his face to be replaced by the previous graveness once again.

"The… goo, it wouldn't be washed away by any of the cleaning spells I used, so I… I had to scrub it away with the rag and Professor Morgan's cleaning solution. With my hands. And well, the cleaning solution did get rid of the goo, but also every scrap of skin on my bones."

"And why exactly didn't you stop once it started to hurt?" His tone let her know that he actually didn't know the answer to this question, instead of his usual rhetorical ones. "Why did you let it come this far?"

"I…" Now it was embarrassment which Robin felt, rather than nervousness for once. It had been a bit stubbornly childish, hadn't it? "It was stupid. There's no good reason."

"I asked for  _ your  _ reason, not a good one." 

"I thought that if I actually did what he told me, that if…" New tears formed in her eyes, making it difficult to talk, but she wouldn't disappoint Professor Snape even more by refusing to answer now. "If I did what he'd told me to, did  _ nothing  _ challengeable, if I proved him wrong about me… that someone would see that I didn't do what he accused me of. I… I just wanted to be better." She finally started crying for real, ugly sobs and a puffy face, until her hands started hurting less and less, and her tiredness seemed to vanish further into the back of her mind. The potion was showing effect, then… thank goodness. Wiping her face with her sleeve, Robin felt a little more composed at last. The tears stopped flowing, and her nose felt a little less stuffed.

"Has the pain lessened?"

"Yes. Thank you…" Her voice sounded raspy and thick, but hearing it couldn't be worse than watching her sob, so she let it slide and gratefully went with his ignorance of her crying. His silence, to Robin, felt kinder than any awkward words of comfort ever had.

"What exactly is it that Professor Morgan accuses you of?" He asked once she looked back up at him.

"I'm not entirely sure, sir…" Robin answered truthfully, and balled the now wet sleeve up in her fist while she thought. "I guess he believes that I messed up his classroom."

"Did you?"

"No!" Her reply came so quickly that her eyes seemed to jump out of her head at her desperate expression. "I… I thought… I thought you believed me, sir…"

"I believe that Professor Morgan locked you up in his classroom, as well as everything that followed upon that as you stated it." He said, and for a short moment the muscles in his jaw clenched but his face stayed neutral. Robin didn't know if that glimpse of a reaction was about her or Professor Morgan, but she didn't even care. He believed her, and she would forever be grateful for that. "Now I need you to give me a reason to believe that his accusation was as unjustified as his punishment."

Robin thought for a moment, bit her bottom lip, tapped her foot against the stone floor, and pulled her sleeve over her hand once more to thumb over the edge of the book on her lap, even though the blood on her hands had dried up now and the skin was healing at an astonishingly quick rate. That's when she had an idea, one she could only hope would convince him. If he knew her at all by now, he would understand.

"They ripped the books." She started. "In the classroom, all the books were ripped and completely torn apart. And I could never do that, not even in a blind rage. I spent my entire Christmas money on books, and I even own a spell book dedicated only to spells about working with and preserving books! I… I used one of those spells on the books in the classroom, actually. I restored them instead of simply swiping up the pages." She took a deep breath, then placed his own book on his desk with her still covered hands. "And I preferred to have my jumper scratch my hands even more sore for two hours than allowing a single drop of blood to possibly touch the pages of your book."

A variety of emotions flashed through his face upon that, each too brief for Robin to fully grasp, but she was certain to have spotted both an overall consensus of both concern and rage. It sent a chill down her spine, and she almost wanted to apologize for whatever it was she'd done wrong, but he beat her to it. "Is your skin healing yet?"

"Yes, I believe so. I don't feel as tired anymore either."

"Was to be expected." He stated, rising to his feet, and then made his way towards the door. "Get up."

"Where are we going, sir?" Robin asked, intentionally calmly, as she rose to her feet. This time she felt more excited than anxious. A bit of both, maybe.

"Nowhere. I will teach you how to open the door."

What followed were five minutes of explanations from Professor Snape, and then ten minutes of Robin trying to put them into action the best she could at this time of night. At the end of it, she had learned both the spells to lock and unlock the door quite successfully, thanks to the easy to follow instructions and a lot more patience than she was used to. She was left feeling proud of herself for once, for learning something new so quickly under these circumstances, and thus she found herself smiling for the first time in hours. It felt good to not be sad anymore, and she wasn't quite as oblivious to who she was to thank for that as he likely would've wanted.

While Snape moved back to his chair and his desk, Robin remained standing in the middle of the room. "Thank you, professor… For the Wiggenweld potion, and the spells. And especially for believing me when no one else would."

"I'm the head of this house, Miss Mitchell. That means it is my responsibility to look after you, whether you are guilty or not, which in this instance wasn't for Professor Morgan to decide."

"Will you be talking to him about this?" 

"Would you like me to?" Again, an honest question. The difference was visible in his eyes more than in his tone even, and for a short moment Robin wondered what else she might find in there if she paid attention to it from now on.

"Not really." She sighed at last, then gave him a crooked smile. "I believe fighting him by his own means would only end at my disadvantage yet again. I want to be better than that."

And for once, Robin got an actual smirk in return, a real one that wasn't mocking or sarcastic. Only humored, and a little bit proud if she squinted enough. It was a beyond relieving sight, one she made sure to remember.


	5. The Songbird - Part 5

_ Previously: _

_ While Snape moved back to his chair and his desk, Robin remained standing in the middle of the room. "Thank you, professor… For the Wiggenweld potion, and the spells. And especially for believing me when no one else would." _

_ "I'm the head of this house, Miss Mitchell. That means it is my responsibility to look after you, whether you are guilty or not, which in this instance wasn't for Professor Morgan to decide." _

_ "Will you be talking to him about this?"  _

_ "Would you like me to?" Again, an honest question. The difference was visible in his eyes more than in his tone even, and for a short moment Robin wondered what else she might find in there if she paid attention to it from now on. _

_ "Not really." She sighed at last, then gave him a crooked smile. "I believe fighting him by his own means would only end at my disadvantage yet again. I want to be better than that." _

_ And for once, Robin got an actual smirk in return, a real one that wasn't mocking or sarcastic. Only humored, and a little bit proud if she squinted enough. It was a beyond relieving sight, one she made sure to remember. _

===============

That was when a loud knocking on the door disrupted the comfortable silence of the office, of the dungeons as a whole, and his face went back to cold annoyance in an instant as he jumped back to his feet and answered the door a second later, while Robin went to collect the borrowed book she had placed on the desk earlier. Before she could pick it up however, her thoughts were drawn elsewhere.

"Severus, I've just heard from Minerva that… that you have…" The voice on the other side of the door was unmistakable, and Robin almost wanted to roll her eyes in return. Of course he would make an appearance now… what kind of pain in the ass would Professor Morgan be if he didn't show up at all the wrong times indeed? 

"That you've taken the liberty to interfere in an issue of mine." Professor Morgan finally finished, but Robin still had no sight of him as Snape was strategically blocking the doorway. Maybe she should be glad for that. Silently, she moved back from the desk and further into the shadows.

" _ Interfere _ ?" Snape's voice was back to that mocking and passive aggressive tone it sometimes took on during class, when students had gotten themselves into unusually big trouble. "And why would that be the case?"

"Well, uh, I would have liked to deal with the… the audacious intrusion of my office myself, for once." He stated in a feignedly confident manner, and Robin's jaw dropped. He actually had the audacity to pretend that none of this had happened and that McGonagall's version of the story was true?! Thank goodness Robin had had physical proof for Professor Snape to believe the punishment part of the story without a doubt.

"I know of no intrusion, Damion, and I can assure you I wouldn't dare to interfere in any of your  _ affairs _ ." The sarcasm was so strong in this statement that Robin had to bite the inside of her cheeks to keep from giggling. Obviously the rumors didn't stay within the student body only.

"What did you do with Miss Mitchell then, after Minerva brought her down to this… charming place?"

"It isn't of your concern." The mock was gone, but the bite so strong that Robin shuddered. Even from back here, she could faintly see the muscles in Snape's jaw clenching for a moment, and the hand he had wrapped about the edge of the door was white as a sheet from his grip on it. Obviously he was as done with Professor Morgan's attitude as Robin herself was, and the sight pleased her immensely.

"Not of my… Well, but Severus, I was  _ clearly _ in the right here, and-…" Morgan didn't get to finish, as with a start both men disappeared from the door and into the hallway. Bloody hell… her potions professor obviously wasn't only as quiet as a snake but also as fast as one. Robin continued to hear muffled voices, and inched closer to the door while staying on the safe side, hidden away behind the heavy wood and long shadows.

"Your  _ right _ does not include the judging nor the torture of MY student." Snape's hissed words were so dangerously low that Robin had to press her ear to the gap where the door met the wall in order to hear them at all. "You had no right to lock her into that room nor to approach her with your accusations in the first place."

"You-... You know?" Morgan's whine sounded small and scared, and Robin revelled in the sound more than she should.

"Yes, I know what you did Damion. And you would be well advised to make sure it never happens again. Otherwise, I'm certain the headmaster would be curious to hear about the incident."

"Are you threatening me, Severus?"

" _ Obviously _ ." 

"It's… I- I… Miss Mitchell, she…" Morgan sounded irritated, if by fear or something else Robin couldn't tell. But it sent a shiver through her body just to imagine what exactly was happening in the hallway and out of her sight.

"Yes?" Snape asked in a drawled manner, and Robin could almost imagine his eyebrow lifting with the question.

"You don't believe her, do you?" 

"Every word."

"I didn't take you for the kind of man who would be fooled by a little girl." Morgan definitely laughed now, but without humor.

"Curious… I took you for exactly that kind of man." Snape's cold reply was followed by a pause that was filled with only the silence of the dungeons.

At last Morgan spoke up again, now sounding a lot less torn than before, and also a lot less mocking. Robin wondered what had changed. "I apologize for skipping over your line in command. I should have… consulted you about the issue before I approached the girl. But she cleaned the room, didn't she? Her detention is served and all is well, so where exactly is your issue?" 

"My  _ issue  _ is that you let harm come to my student while she was supposed to be under your however illegitimate supervision!" Snape replied in yet another of his growls that broke over the ones addressed like lightning but struck deep like thunder.

"I swear, Severus, I didn't… It was just…" The whine was back in Morgan's voice, and Robin came to realize that even when she had still been only pretending to be braver than she was around Snape in the beginning of the year, she had never been quite as pathetic as her defense against the dark arts teacher was acting right now. The thought made her feel proud of herself.

"You didn't what?"

"I didn't know anyone could be stupid enough to get themselves hurt in an empty classroom!" Morgan finally pressed out, and Robin's feeling of confidence was replaced by a sudden anger that made her blood boil, right until she heard another startled yelp from the hallway.

"You-... Wh-…" Morgan croaked out, but it barely made for more than noise of pure discomfort. The whimpers continued on for three more seconds, then a loud thud put an end to it and Morgan took in a sharp breath at last.

"I apologise, Damion… Following your logic, I didn't know anyone could be stupid enough to get themselves hurt in an empty hallway." Snape stated as indifferently as ever, and Robin's jaw dropped in astonishment, but she didn't allow herself to be too impressed just yet. There was still a conversation to eavesdrop on.

"If… If the headmaster hears about this, he will…" Morgan huffed in exasperation, obviously still out of breath after whatever it was exactly that had happened out there. It couldn't have been of the pleasant kind.

"I can hardly believe that he would put more weight on a conversation between colleagues than on your wilful negligence of your duties as a professor."

"Very well then." Morgan said in an almost pouting tone, followed by more rustling of fabrics. "He won't have to hear about either of it, will he?"

"That is not for me to decide."

"Oh come on now! You cannot seriously want that  _ child _ to decide over your future!"

"As it appears, about yours as well."

Morgan scoffed. "You bloody better make sure she makes the right decision." Then, after a short moment, he added, "You won't lose a word about this conversation though, will you, Severus? I can hardly imagine you wanting her to know either."

"Obviously." Snape replied in mocking lightness and innocence, and Robin had to bite her lip to keep from snorting yet again. Obviously the possibility to keep it from her had long passed.

"In that case, I believe we are done here." Professor Morgan sighed almost happily, and two seconds later Professor Snape came walking back into the office, slamming the door shut without another word, only to spot Robin standing right behind it.

" _ Not. A. Word _ ." He gave her a pointed look, but his admittedly poorly hidden not-even-smirk told a different story. 

While he made his way back to his desk, Robin followed to the middle of the room, then stopped and simply observed him. The not-smirk was gone, and the frown had returned to his face as he obviously avoided her eyes now.

"I won't tell." Robin said suddenly, so quickly that he had no chance to interrupt her. But her words at least made him look at her once more. "Not the headmaster, and not anyone else. I promise that."

"Miss Mitchell, the-..." Snape started ever neutrally, but Robin cut in for once.

"No. Sorry, I really don't mean to interrupt you or cut you off like that, but please let me say this…" She searched his eyes for a moment, biting down her arising nervousness for a greater good. He needed to hear this. She needed to say this. But only once he motioned for her to continue, Robin spoke on. "I know this whole… situation probably didn't really go as you intended. I know that we both made an enemy today. But I really meant what I said earlier, I don't want to play this bloody game by his rules anymore, and I don't want to play games at all. I'm not going to give him any more reason to hate me, and I certainly won't give him any reason to hate you, professor. I don't want him to get you into trouble over this nonsense. After everything you did for me, you just deserve better than that."

He actually looked quite surprised by her words for a second, but then his frown only deepened and his features hardened. " _ Don't _ ."

"Huh?" Robin's confidence washed away like chalk in the pouring rain upon his grim tone.

"Don't speak to me like we are equal." He hissed at her in a sudden hostility that took her breath away. "Don't pretend to be so pathetically grown up, don't believe you know even a single thing about me, and most importantly,  _ don't ever _ believe that I need pity from someone like  _ you. _ "

He glowered at her with a strange yet unreadable look in his eyes, and Robin suddenly felt dangerously close to crying once more. What had she done wrong?! What had she said to upset him? She had only meant to express her gratitude, to prove to him that his efforts and advice hadn't been wasted on her…. Why did he act like this now? Robin didn't understand. She didn't understand at all. 

This entire night was just too much. She'd been done with the day before Morgan had approached her already, then again after the cleaning rush, once more when McGonagall had refused to believe her. This mess of emotions and reactions she didn't understand now was just the final straw to her complete and utter misery. Tears spilled down her cheeks before she could bring herself to stop them, and she knew that whatever it was that was happening right now, she had to get away at once. 

"Thank you for your help tonight. I'm sorry to have bothered you." She heard herself say in the numbest tone she had ever been able to make herself use. "Goodnight, professor." With that she simply turned on her heels and left the office without waiting for a reply, without waiting to be told she could go. To hell with it, he could still give her detention tomorrow if he fancied it. Right now she only wanted to find a dark and desolate spot where she could cry her eyes out, and then to finally fall into bed.

… … … 

Two hours. That's how long Robin got to sleep before the other girls in her room started getting ready for breakfast. She'd never gotten along particularly well with them, and thus it didn't come as a surprise that they made absolutely no effort to be quiet and let her sleep. Instead, it seemed rather like they made an effort to be as noisy as they possibly could be, which in return made it impossible for Robin to go back to sleep. Thus she tried to ignore her headache and tired eyes, and went ahead to start with her day as best as she could.

Once in the great hall, she luckily spotted her study group at the Ravenclaws' table soon enough and thus she was able to at least sit with someone who didn't despise her. For a while Robin simply listened to the other girls talking while she munched on her toast in tiny bits, however soon enough the conversation was stirred into her direction.

"You look awful, have you been studying all night again?" Marleen asked with a slight scolding tone, and Robin just sighed for a moment as she dropped her toast onto her plate.

"Something like that…" She murmured in return, and went to swirl her juice around her cup instead.

"What is it that you've been reading lately?"

"Oh, just… a book about mandrake."

"Mandrake? Isn't that only covered in second year herbology? Or was it in first year? I can't remember..." Jessica asked with a frown at Robin, then looked at Marleen who only shrugged. "Honestly Robin, where do you get those odd books all the time? They hardly sound like school books, leave alone books anyone would actually want to read!"

"I enjoy them…" Robin simply returned, with no intention of telling them that she was borrowing the books from Professor Snape. She had long before discovered that her study group didn't like the potions professor, and since she didn't share that sentiment at all, not even after his hurtful words from last night, she generally refused to bring him up in conversations. This way she at least wouldn't feel the need to defend him in front of other people, which would only lead to both his embarrassment and her own.

"Aaaaanyway…" Jessica tried to fill the awkward pause in conversation, "Have you guys noticed how Professor Morgan hasn't even shown up yet?"

"He  _ never  _ shows up for Saturday breakfast, Jess, you know that as well as I do, and..." Marleen's voice suddenly trailed off as she stared at something behind Robin's back, and Jessica's eyes followed soon after with the same odd expression in them. Robin didn't care enough to waste energy on turning around only to see someone snorting out their milk through their nose or letting their plate float, and thus she simply continued picking up the tiny crumbs that had fallen off her plate and putting them back into their place in silence. Maybe she should just leave and go to the library… or for a nice long walk down to-

"Miss Mitchell." Professor Snape's deep voice sounded from right behind her, and Robin felt both dread and relief at once. Holding her breath, she turned around to see him standing in the middle of the aisle between the tables, looking down at her as stoically as ever. Before anyone could question what he might possibly want from her, she rose to her feet to take the two necessary steps to stand in front of him.

"Professor…" She greeted him quietly, politely, but without the usual smile. For the briefest moment, she saw that inexplicable expression flash through his gaze again, the muscles in his jaw clenching, then his eyes flicked over to the Ravenclaws for a broken second and back to Robin.

"You forgot this in my office last night." He simply said, in calm neutrality instead of indifferent neutrality for once, and handed his book on mandrake to her with a look that said more than his words did.

"Thank you, sir." Robin replied quietly, and a small smile fell onto her lips at last as she realized that this might just as well be his way of not-really apologizing. It was his book after all, he had no reason to return it to her unless he cared enough to realize that she would appreciate the gesture.

"How is your… reminder of yesterday's detention?" He asked so quietly that hopefully only Robin would hear, instead of all twelve students who were currently listening in on their conversation. Seeing the feared potions professor actually talking to a student outside of class, while  _ not _ yelling at them for once, must have been a surprise to most of them.

"My… oh!" Robin breathed, and a crimson heat rose to her cheeks upon the realization that she had entirely forgotten about her hands from the point on when Morgan had shown up last night. As subtly as she could, she shifted her hands around the book so that Snape got a clear view of them as she did as well. "All good as it should be." 

"Very well then." He mused and looked past Robin towards the head table for a moment, then turned back to her with an odd frown and his voice even more quiet than before. "I would greatly appreciate if you could refrain from reading at breakfast today."

"Of course, sir." 

Professor Snape gave her another silent look for a few seconds, then turned around on the spot and headed back towards the grand doors with his black robes flying behind him at each one of his quick strides. Wherever he passed by the tables, the students fell silent in respectfulness or intimidation, and quite a few of them turned their heads to stare at Robin who only then realized that she was still standing in the middle of the aisle. Quickly but without a haste she sat back down in her spot, placed the book in her lap, and picked up her discarded toast from her plate as if nothing had happened. Maybe one day she would get an actual apology from him for the hurtful things he had said… if she had understood his behaviors correctly and he was somewhat sorry for what he had said, that is. For today however, this had already been more than she could've hoped for. She hadn't expected him to lend her books at all anymore, leave alone actually  _ find _ her to return the one she had started.

"So… are we just going to pretend that this didn't just happen right there?" Jessica finally asked with a small laugh, and the conversation started back up from there. Robin didn't comment on any of it, nor did she tell them what had been said between her and Professor Snape. She had promised it to him, and Robin always kept her promises.

… … … 

As soon as it was socially acceptable to excuse herself from breakfast, Robin went to take a walk down to the black lake. She had discovered the shore, just where the forest met the edge of the water, to be an oddly calming little place, and since nobody ever seemed to come here, it had become her refuge for those times when even the dungeons were too crowded. It still was the middle of March, cold wind and dark clouds and all, but Robin had always enjoyed the gloom more than the sun anyway.

With a content but tired sigh she sat down in her usual spot, a large log from where she could overlook the lake, and opened her book at last. That was when a small piece of parchment came tumbling out of the pages and onto her lap. A frown creased her forehead, and her heart skipped a beat at the familiar spidery cursive.

_ Miss Mitchell.  _

_You did a very foolish thing in promising your silence on the events of last night, however you need to know that it does not go unappreciated. You were right about one thing: both of us did make an enemy. However you should also remember that he made two in return. I don't have to tell you that having me as an enemy is not advisable, but I am led to believe that the same can be said about you. Still, if the events of last night_ _lead_ _to any disadvantage for you, now or at any point in the future, I expect you to find me immediately._ _Continue to be better, Miss Mitchell._

_ Professor Snape _

Robin read the note twice, then smiled to herself for a moment as she looked out over the lake. This was as good an apology as anyone could probably get from the potions professor, and Robin was led to believe that not many people had ever actually received one in the first place. More and more with every encounter and every class, she was getting the impression that the cold and indifferent Professor Snape wasn't all that indifferent in the first place. That he actually cared more than he would ever admit to anyone. That there was way more to him than he let on, and all those inexplicable expressions and hidden smirks were only the peak of the iceberg. And while Robin didn't know any of that for sure, only had a vague idea at this point, she most definitely knew that she wouldn't tell anyone about her observations. But she would pay attention, and try to find out more about his many hidden expressions. She had six more years to figure him out after all, and she was sure that eventually she would.

Foremost, she also had six more years of studying potions, and she was absolutely determined to learn and improve. It was slowly turning from a favorite school subject into a real passion of hers, and a book on mandrake was merely the start to that.

With another smile and every intention to keep it for a  _ long  _ time to come, Robin tugged the note away into the deepest pocket of her robes, and finally opened her book on the page she had left off on the night before.


	6. Of Common Enemies - Part 1

The end of Robin's first year at Hogwarts had come sooner than expected. She had done fairly well in all of her exams, even defense against the dark arts, despite her previous concerns. After the incident in March, Professor Morgan actually had as good as ignored her for the remainder of the school year, and merely given her grades slightly worse than she believed she deserved. Nothing out of the ordinary, and the same could be said for the other subjects. She had made efforts however, since that night, to become better in charms, and it had paid off in terms of both grades and knowledge. It still hadn't sufficed to beat herbology, leave alone potions, but she felt comfortable with more spells than she had learned in class, and that ought to be enough.

Thus, when summer had finally forced Robin to return home to her parents' house, she had actually felt content with her overall progress of the past year, but also desperately ready for a break in all the learning.

That sentiment however had lasted for a mere week, and without the possibility to borrow books from her favorite potions professor, Robin soon had found the necessity to find other methods to keep herself busy, and distract herself from missing school. Those methods mainly had entailed sitting in on summer classes at the university her parents worked for, and while a twelve year old wasn't really the intended audience for any of those classes, Robin had been surprised to find that she actually had understood quite a lot of the entry level subjects. Thus her summer had been filled with classes on history, cultural studies and art –which had turned out to be more about architecture than about art after all– and she had learned a lot while yet being systematically excluded from everything not class related by both the regular students and the professors. Her parents hadn't been any better, as they had been working day in day out as always, ignoring her as always, saying "that's nice, sweetie" as always.

Only upon her return to Hogwarts for the beginning of her second year, Robin had actually felt like she belonged once more. Both the castle and the landscape gave her a feeling of finally being able to breathe again, after a long time of existing in a room with too little air. Sure, seeing her parents had been nice to some degree, but only at Hogwarts did she actually feel like a person of value again. At her parents house, she was an asset in a game that wasn't hers to play. At Hogwarts however she was Robin, and the master of her own fate. Even if to the others she was still the muggle born Slytherin who spent more time with her books than with her peers.

And just like that, she happily threw herself back into her classes and assignments, picking things right back up where she had left off last term. 

The members of her study group started talking about their O.W.L.s and about fairly little else quite early on, and Robin soon found herself annoyed by them more than she appreciated their company. Thus she started to spend more and more time studying by herself instead, and eventually also eating by herself as well. Unlike last year, she actually didn't mind not having a permanent group, or anything that came even close to friendships. There was always someone she could sit with, should she choose to do so in the first place, even if that someone was only a brief acquaintance from one of her classes. 

Her habit of borrowing books from Professor Snape had to her great luck survived the summer, and right after the first class of the term he had dropped a thick tome about preserving and properly storing different kinds of ingredients on her desk. Not the most interesting read, admittedly, but she would gladly take anything she got. It was still better than those books in the library that all basically said the same thing with different words. She found herself wondering more than once if perhaps they had all been writing by the same person, under different synonyms.

Thus for the following weeks in potions class, whenever they weren't actively brewing anything in particular, Robin would read in that book instead of listening to a lecture about some thing she'd known for half a year already, and to her surprise Professor Snape hadn't complained nor given her an odd look for it even once. Robin soon had realized that they might just have come to the silent agreement that she would learn more if she stuck to her books for now. Well, his books, but nobody needed to know about that. It was an unspoken agreement between them to keep this arrangement to themselves, as well as the quite good terms on which they were with each other at this point. Well, 'good' in Snape's terms at least, which meant that he mostly just let her be for the duration of class and she asked any questions she might have about her reads afterwards.

Eventually this habit, and this particular book especially, had led Robin to discover what she would put into the locket she had been wearing ever since the previous Christmas: a branch of dried dittany. Admittedly, fitting an entire branch into a locket of less than the size of her palm might have posed a problem, had Robin not done her research properly and come across a spell that allowed her to expand the space within the locket to a much greater size than the outside would let on. A simply extending charm, really, but very useful as she found. That only had left one issue remaining, and after having a frank conversation with Professor Sprout (whose favor Robin had gained last year by being the only Slytherin student who actually cared about herbology), Robin had been indeed allowed to take a branch of dittany from the greenhouse. In the week following upon that, she had carefully followed the instructions in the borrowed book and dried the plant while (hopefully) preserving all its qualities, therefore turning her nightstand into the best improvised laboratory she could manage. 

At the end of her efforts, she'd actually been quite proud of the outcome, and that is exactly why she had kept the whole endeavour to herself and simply had gone back to wearing the locket every day like she used to, only that now it hid one of the finest healing plants the country had to offer. She'd have to see if she could get her hands on dried mandrake too, at some point. But for now, the dittany would do.

______________

The peace and quiet of her life at Hogwarts lasted for exactly two and a half months after term had started, right up to the point when Professor Morgan decided that it was time to mess with Robin once again. Honestly, while she hadn't really seen it coming this time either, she had indeed known that he eventually would start causing her problems again. And it just happened to be a lot sooner than she expected.

"Miss Mitchell!" His exaggeratedly cheerful voice brought Robin to an immediate halt, and an immediate spark of panic to her heart. It was Saturday night this time around, but yet again right after dinner and in the emptiest and dark hallway Hogwarts had to offer outside of the dungeons. Robin was spotting a scheme here.

"Professor Morgan…" Robin half sighed and half stated as she turned around to face the man in question. After over a year of having to listen to way too many girls fawning over him, she still couldn't understand how anyone could seriously and in good conscience consider this sleazy individual handsome.

"What a strange déjà vu to be having… Feels like it was ages ago that you messed up my classroom." He smiled innocently and shook his head to himself.

"Funny, to me it seems like just yesterday." Robin replied with the most neutral face she could manage.

"Ah, you and your… witty… remarks, how I have -not- missed those over the summer…" He sighed and raised his chin for a moment, peering down at her over the bottom rim of his reading glasses, which he wore only whenever he wanted to look particularly authoritative. Or that's what Robin thought, at least.

"What is it you would like from me this time, sir?" She asked as calmly as possible, while her hands were getting clammy again nonetheless and she had to resist the urge to wipe them on her trousers. That would've been a dead tell of her anxiety, and she didn't want him to see any of it at all.

"You will assist me in class on Monday. I will be demonstrating a spell that seeks out the other's deepest truths. Much like that famous potion, actually, what's it called again…"

"Veritaserum?" Robin suggested with a frown, keeping her face otherwise neutral while her anxiety went through the roof. He seriously wanted to force her to speak whatever truth in front of the entire class by using magic?! Was that even allowed?

"Exactly! However what I intend to show to the class is called legilimency."

"Never heard of it…"

"That is because it is not commonly taught at this institution."

At that, Robin's heart started beating even faster in nervousness. "But… then why would you teach it to us now, sir? And- and why do you need to demonstrate it on  _ me, _ out of all people?"

Professor Morgan let out a small snort in return. "I'm not  _ teaching _ it to you, don't be ridiculous… I'm merely using it to demonstrate something. And I chose you to demonstrate it on, because you are an obvious choice. You were so very intent on your honesty and truthfulness last year that I see no reason as for why it should bother you to speak the truth yet again."

"What if I don't want to assist you?" Robin asked quietly, with a lump in her throat that simply refused to be swallowed down, and her only hope was that the darkness of the hallway hid the fear in her eyes at least.

"Well, I would absolutely hate to force you to do it, Miss Mitchell, but I'm afraid you have no choice." He smiled sweetly, with just a touch of feigned sympathy. "Don't worry, it will be over in a blink."

"But-"

"You see, I told you about this beforehand because I came to realize that troublesome young children such as yourself need a role model for their actions, if we ever want something to become of them." He said with another self sufficient sigh, looking around the hallway as if dwelling in the righteousness of his own statement. "I believe one day in the  _ very  _ distant future you will thank me for every lesson I teach you now. So consider yourself lucky that I allow you to participate in this… lesson."

"Yes, sir." Robin gave back in a neutral tone, while her insides however were both on fire and frozen over at the same time. This was Morgan's late revenge for what had happened last term, it had to be… He'd waited until she felt safe, only to strike now. Petty move, honestly… and still Robin felt sick to the stomach.

"Very well!" Morgan was back to cheery. "I will see you in class on Monday. Have a lovely rest of the weekend." Without wasting another glance on her, he turned on his heel, clasped his hands behind his back nonchalantly and walked off into the direction of his classroom.

Robin however remained standing in her spot for a little while longer, heart beating frantically while a cold rush of adrenaline washed over her body in the most uncomfortable manner. Bloody hell, that man scared her more every time she had to interact with him, and it had only gotten exponentially worse since the detention incident. Tears started stinging in her eyes upon the mere thought of going to class on Monday, but she obviously didn't have much of a choice. Even if she found a reason to avoid class on Monday, he would just come at her with the same threat the next class or the one after that, and she couldn't avoid defense against the dark arts classes for the next five years to come. She also didn't want to, she actually liked the subject. It was only Morgan that she despised.

As the adrenaline slowly decreased and made room for rational thoughts once more, Robin also rediscovered her ability to move. Without even having to think about it, her feet carried her down to the dungeons and right to Professor Snape's office. Yet once she was about to knock on his door, her fist stilled mid-air as she finally paused to think. This wasn't a good idea… well, sure, he had told her to find him if she ran into any problems with Professor Morgan, but then again… she really didn't want a repetition of last time. More so for his sake than for her own. Also, she couldn't just come bursting into his office like the frightened idiot she was, hoping to be shown an easy way out of this the very second she asked for it. No, if she was to drag him into this  _ again _ (and that was a big IF still) she better come to him with a plan already at hand.

Robin pulled her hand back and dropped it to her side with a sigh, then walked backwards until her back gently touched the cold wall on the opposite side of the hallway. What on earth was she even doing… She was a second year student, and Professor Morgan was… well, a professor. A bloody bad one, to her luck, but still… what kind of chance did she stand against him? Especially in regards to a spell that she hadn't even heard about, leave alone knew how to read up on if it wasn't something she was even supposed to learn about in the first place. She wasn't brave enough to go into the restricted section of the library, and the open one only had books appropriate for standard school topics. She couldn't refuse to partake, couldn't use any sort of shielding spell against him… Hell, if he'd just give her good old veritaserum, at least she would know what she was in for. There even were antidotes for that stuff! Actually… Morgan had said that the spell was rather similar to veritaserum. Robin crossed her arms over her chest and started pacing up and down the hallway, passing by the door again and again on each way. 

Maybe… maybe she could make the antidote to veritaserum, and take it before class on Monday. Did that help against legi… what was it again? Gosh, she really couldn't concentrate whenever her anxiety got the better of her. And remembering technical terms wasn't all that high on her list of priorities when she was fighting with blind panic on the inside and not showing any of it on the outside. It was an unfair battle, really…

Antidote. Yes. It could work, it had to… it was the best plan she had. Again she walked by the office door, and right past it towards the end of the hallway yet again. How was she supposed to get the recipe for that antidote though? Or the necessary ingredients?! Making veritaserum itself was a rather advanced procedure, and even if Robin was far ahead of her class, she wasn't  _ that  _ good, not even close. The antidote would require even more precision and knowledge. Robin turned around once she reached the end of the hallway, and headed back into the opposite direction. She couldn't do it alone, couldn't do it at all maybe. But she also couldn't just sit by and do nothing while Professor Morgan would make her blurt out every secret she has ever had in class on Monday. Bloody hell… 

"Will you stop pacing and come in already?" Snape's deep voice brought both Robin and her thoughts to a sudden halt. She froze in her step and finally lifted her gaze off the floor to see him standing in the doorway a mere two steps to her right, giving her that trademark pretending-to-be-annoyed frown.

Heat rose to Robin's face immediately, and she felt both embarrassed and relieved as he turned to the side to make room for her to enter. 

"I'm sorry, sir, I just… I didn't want to bother you." Robin finally remembered to speak, as she sat down in the by now familiar chair across from his own.

"Now that you did, you might as well tell me the reason for it." He replied calmly as he took his own seat with an expectant expression. Robin held his gaze for a moment, then let her eyes wander around the room like she always did, until something caught her sight.

"The small jar with the green liquid in the third shelf from the bottom, second from the right… it stood on the second shelf from the bottom, last time I was here." She said quietly, before she could really convince herself not to. It was a stupid observation, without any meaning probably, but saying this was easier than answering his question.

Professor Snape's frown deepened as he followed Robin's line of sight, before it vanished and his eyebrows rose up high as ever. "It would indeed appear that it was… misplaced."

"Now or then?"

"Why are you here, Miss Mitchell?"

Robin looked down at her hands, as they were nervously fiddling with the edge of her grey jumper on their own accord. Darn it… she didn't even have any real reason to keep secrets from him anymore. He'd seen her cry, seen her desperate and seen her being a complete dunderhead. Snape was probably the only person in Hogwarts she had ever been entirely honest with in the first place, and when she thought about it, she had no intention to change that now.

With a still fragile certainty, she looked up to meet his eye again. "I'm here because I need the instructions for a potion."

His eyebrows lifted even higher, and he almost looked amused once again, but seeing as Robin herself didn't smile even remotely, the brief expression vanished in a blink. "Which potion?"

"The antidote for veritaserum."

"Why, pray tell, do you believe I would simply give it to you?"

"I do not."

"Then why are you here?" 

"Because I had to try nonetheless." There was no insecurity in her voice, which surprised her a little, but it didn't come unappreciated. This was a serious matter to her, and he might as well know that. At least he hadn't straight up denied her request and thrown her out of the office already.

Instead his eyes narrowed and he sat up a little straighter as he seemed to grasp the gravity the issue held for Robin. "Why do you need that antidote so desperately that you risk asking for it so boldly?"

"Self-preservation." As he merely gave her a look in return, she added, "I was asked to assist in a class on Monday."

"And that justifies your request because…?"

"It's Professor Morgan's class." Robin's voice went down in volume by more than she intended, but she couldn't care less because Snape's face showed an immediate expression of understanding, then question, and irritation at last.

"I see. What did he say to you, exactly?" He asked a bit too darkly for it to be nonchalant or even neutral, and Robin felt an odd sense of relief to see him still disliking the defense against the dark arts professor as much as she did. She only could've hoped that he had not changed his mind since March, and obviously he hadn't. So far so good.

"He said he wants to demonstrate a spell on me that reveals my deepest truths, and that the spell reminded him of veritaserum. Well, actually,  _ I  _ suggested veritaserum as a comparison because he couldn't remember the name." Robin shrugged and Professor Snape rolled his eyes theatrically, but Robin got the impression that it wasn't directed at her as much as at Morgan.

"Did he say which spell?" 

"He did, but…" Robin bit her bottom lip for a second, reminding herself that he had indeed  _ seen  _ her panic before and there was no reason to not tell him about another instance now. "He did say which spell, however I… was too busy not dying over anxiety to pick it up and remember what it's called exactly." The annoyance she had expected to see on his face didn't come, which pushed her to continue on. "But I remember that it's something that's not taught at Hogwarts. He doesn't want us to learn it, just… just demonstrate it himself for some reason. I believe it started with an I or an L… I'm sorry, sir, I honestly don't remember. I should have though, I know…"

Oddly enough, Snape's reaction still was none of annoyance, but he rather stared right past Robin, lost in thought. Had her information not been completely useless after all? Anyway, she almost felt calm now that she had opened up to him about the situation. At least she wasn't alone with it anymore; someone knew of her concerns and actually took them seriously. That was a huge step towards getting out of this entire thing relatively unharmed. Her heartbeat slowed down significantly, and she didn't feel sick anymore. Good… Now, that other jar also had-

"Miss Mitchell?"

"Huh?" Her eyes snapped back to her professor and her cheeks gained in colour once again. She really needed to stop zoning out whenever she was in his office… Snape however kindly ignored her flustering and went right on as if nothing had happened in the first place.

"Was what Professor Morgan mentioned by any chance titled 'legilimency'?" 

"Yes!" She blurted right out, eyes widening a little in surprise that he had actually been able to make any use of her poor information. "Exactly that!" The look she received in return however made her wish she hadn't answered all that enthusiastically, as it sent a chill down her spine in an instant.

"Are you  _ absolutely _ certain?"

"Yes, yes I am… Why? What kind of spell is that, professor? Why are you asking like that?" She asked in an almost insecure manner now, but didn't receive an answer as he got up and went to retrieve a book from one of the shelves in the far corner of the room. After flipping through the pages for a moment, he turned the open book around and handed it to Robin before moving to sit back down in his chair in silence.

Robin scanned the page to get the overall gist of it, and her eyes widened in sheer horror at every word she read. At last she placed the book on the desk between them and simply stared at Professor Snape in both shock and fear. Morgan wanted… and he really was forcing her to… no!

"That is why I'm asking like that." Snape sounded almost as displeased as Robin felt, even if he had no reason to in her eyes. She was glad that he shared the sentiment nonetheless.

"Can't… Is that… Is that even allowed?" Robin's voice was but a whisper, a plea almost to whoever would hear, to at least make this  _ wrong _ .

"The use of veritaserum on students has…  _ unfortunately _ been prohibited, however I'm not aware of any such rules regarding legilimency. As it seems, the ministry has as of yet turned a blind eye to it."

"And… and the headmaster?" 

"Will hardly see a fault in a mere demonstration of the subject. He has always been quite… liberal."

Robin's face fell even more, and she stared down at the words on the page in front of her as they began swimming together slowly. Then however she frowned at a different issue. "Professor… It may be completely stupid of me to say, but… this spell does not sound like anything I know about veritaserum. I mean, sure, it both reveals the truth in a way, but if I understand correctly, this… is more than just a means to finding out the truth. It's a hellfire being compared to a match. Which leads me to believe that –and I do apologize for being so direct about this– Professor Morgan either has no idea about this spell, even though it falls into his supposed area of expertise, or he doesn't know a thing about even the most basic basics of potions."

"I'm led to believe that he isn't proficient in either." A small pause, and Robin managed a half smile at his fairly direct insult before he continued speaking. "And you are right, Miss Mitchell, legilimency has fairly little to do with veritaserum, or more precisely, nothing at all. Which is why I will not give you the instructions for the antidote."

While his words definitely made sense, Robin also felt her heart sinking and squeezing together painfully. It had been her only chance… or had it? Another idea sprung to her mind suddenly, and even though she knew that it was extremely inappropriate and straight out wrong, it was an idea born from desperation. "What if I poison him?" 

Snape's expression did show a small but honest reaction upon her words, a mixture of astonishment and a hint of being impressed, but more words fell off Robin's lips before he could shut her up. "Maybe draught of living death, so that he doesn't show up to class until I graduate, or forgetfulness potion to make him forget that he ever asked me to do this,  _ forced  _ me to do this even, or a hate potion so he shows his TRUE self in front of the entire school, or-"

"That's quite enough, Miss Mitchell." He interrupted her with a scolding tone, and Robin sobered from her rant in but a second. Oh no… had she really just said all of that? Out loud?? To Professor Snape??? As he continued, his voice took on a more neutral tone again, but his eyes conveyed the same graveness nonetheless. "I'm giving five points to Slytherin, for your remarkable knowledge of admittedly rather suitable positions for the occasion. And I am giving you detention, for suggesting to poison a teacher."

"What?!" 

"Come to my office first thing after breakfast tomorrow morning. You will be here the entire day, so don't expect to be indulging in any other… activities tomorrow." 

"Tomorrow is Sunday." Robin frowned at him, and felt a little betrayed after all. She had a serious problem at hand and he was giving her detention?! However justified it was, for her impulsive blurt of a desperation born thoughts, she had hoped for a little more understanding at least. Also, there was no detention on Sundays. Usually.

"I'm well aware." He replied to her surprise, giving her another of those looks that said more than his words did. Only that this time Robin had no idea what exactly it was that it said. But she didn't question him, as much as she wanted to, for he wouldn't give a reply anyway. When Professor Snape demanded something to be done, it would be. That's just how things were, and Robin found herself admiring him for it even. He wore an armor of dangerous intensity for his daily robes, and it suited him better than anyone else.

"I'll be here, sir." She finally replied in a quiet voice, and her eyes went back to the book on the desk. Would he at least let her borrow it until Monday, so that she could prepare for what was coming her way?

As if he was reading her mind now indeed, he gave an answer to her internal question. "The book won't help you, Miss Mitchell, nor will any potion. I suggest you spend the night resting instead of pondering over either option."

"How did you know I would?" Robin asked with a half amused and half embarrassed huff. Did he  _ actually  _ read her mind? He probably did, and yet she had the sudden feeling that detention with Professor Snape wouldn't be all that horrible. Not for her, at least.

"Because  _ I  _ would. Given your point of view on this issue, it is the most sensible thing to do." He replied with a risen eyebrow and a pointed look. "However from my point of view, I strongly advise you to rest. You will fare better with energy rather than pointless knowledge in tomorrow's… detention _. _ "

Robin frowned at his cryptic statement, but he seemed rather unwilling to say any more on the issue and thus Robin took a deep breath before she went to reply in his trademark neutrality. "Very well. No books for me tonight, I'm going straight to bed. Would that be all, sir?"

"Careful, Mitchell. You wouldn't want to risk detention over your  _ wit _ ." 

"I thought I already have detention, sir." 

"Get. Out." He drawled in a low tone, and yet the not-smirk tugging on his lips didn't escape Robin's notice as she rose to her feet and walked to the door.

Somehow she felt better than she knew she should in the light of getting detention, leave alone what would be happening on Monday. But here she was, having to hide her smirk as she turned around to Snape once again. "Goodnight, professor. I'll be on time."

"You better be." He mused with another gaze louder than words. "Tomorrow."

As Robin closed the door behind herself and stepped into the dark hallway, turning into the direction of her dormitory, she allowed a small smile to grace her lips at last. Things still weren't exactly working out in her favor, but after talking to the quite possibly darkest person she had ever known, the world seemed an odd lot brighter nonetheless.


	7. Of Common Enemies - Part 2

Robin ended up in front of his office even before breakfast was over. She hadn't been in the mood for sitting with anyone, and stuffing her face with enough toast and tea to last the day had taken no more than ten minutes. Thus she stood frozen in front of the wooden door with a deep frown, wondering if he was the kind of person who got mad over people being too early. He probably was… thus she sat down on the ground, leaning against the wall across from the door to wait another ten or fifteen minutes. Since he had so  _ kindly  _ let her know the previous night that she wouldn't be out of detention quite possibly until after dinner, she had actually put on a thick turtleneck jumper over her usual long sleeves. The dungeons were quite cold, especially now that it was nearing December, and even though she loved the place more than quite possibly any other inside the castle, she didn't want to be chilly the entire day. She frowned to herself suddenly, as the idea entered her mind that Professor Snape might be wearing so many layers of fabric all the time because he was down here all day, every day. He must feel quite cold in winter… Robin wondered if he prefered cold weather to warm weather just like she did, too.

"When will you learn to just  _ knock _ ?" 

Robin startled at the all too familiar voice, and had to put her head all the way back into her neck to look up at him while seated on the ground like this. "Professor Snape! I… I didn't hear you coming…"

"Obviously." He sighed. "Get up, we have a lot of work to do."

Robin did as she was told and followed him into the office, still feeling incredibly small next to him even though she was standing straight now. Had she always been this short…? Well, duh… obviously. Robin cringed inwardly as she realized that she was picking up on his speech patterns now as well. Then again, it happened with everyone she actually wanted to get along with, no matter if peers, teachers or strangers.

"What exactly is it that one does in detention, sir?" She asked then, to give herself a change of topic as well.

He let out a small snort in return, then cleared his throat in a vain attempt to cover up for it somehow. "This isn't detention, Miss Mitchell."

"But you said-"

"And  _ now  _ I say that it is not." He glared at her for a moment, then pointed her towards her usual chair. "If someone ends up asking about it however, it very much is."

"So detention is our cover story." Robin concluded as she sat down and watched with surprise as he for once got his own chair out from behind his desk to place it directly across from hers, without the table in the way. "But for what exactly?"

"You came to me with a solution for your own problem already at hand last night, and while your means may have turned out to be unsuitable for the purpose, I intend to supply you with a more appropriate one. Do you understand?"

Damn, why did he always have to say things in the most complicated way possible?! Let's see… she had come with a solution… ah! "So… you're saying that you liked my idea to find some kind of thing that would counteract his spell?"

"I wouldn't quite go as far as to say 'liked', but generally, yes."

"And since you said there is no book or potion that can help me… we're talking about an act here?"

"No. We are talking about occlumency." His voice was harsh, and Robin immediately felt like she had done something wrong. However seeing as her face fell, his tone strayed back into neutral territory. "I will try to teach you to resist the external penetration of the mind. A day does not nearly suffice to learn, leave alone master this rare and difficult skill, but seeing as Professor Morgan isn't the most…  _ accomplished _ wizard, maybe the basics will do for now."

Robin's eyes widened in honest surprise, astonishment and an overwhelming gratitude she couldn't even begin to express. A chance was all she could've hoped for, and here he was giving fuel to that hope. "Thank you, sir."

"Don't thank me. It is hard work to learn, and it certainly is going to be painful." He grumbled, but Robin didn't care. "It is nothing a second year student should even  _ consider _ knowing about."

"And yet here we are…" Robin replied under her breath, but Snape ignored her and sat up straighter while keeping his gaze solely on her own. 

"I understand your issues to lie with Professor Morgan rather than the magic itself, is that correct?" Once Robin nodded with an admittedly insecure frown, he continued. "In order to learn the art of occlumency, I will have to break into your mind, and you will try to resist. Do you understand that this is a serious invasion of your privacy?"

"Yes." She said, a little croaked, while trying to swallow down the lump in her throat. There was nothing she had to hide that he didn't already know about, really, there was no reason to be nervous. Only stupid childhood memories, fear and anxiety. Surely nothing he hadn't seen in other students before.

"Would you still like to proceed?"

"Yes." This time her reply came with more determination, and it indeed mirrored her sentiment. He was  _ asking her permission _ for this, even though she had already once said that she wanted his help. He might not seem like the nicest or most trustworthy person to anyone else in the school or on the entire planet even, but if Robin trusted anyone in that moment, it was Severus Snape. "I want to learn this, professor, really. So just go ahead."

Without wasting any more time, he obviously quite gladly ignored the entire previous conversation and went straight into the topic. "I want you to clear your mind of every thought, every emotion, every memory. Keep your mind clear at all times, and do _ not. lose. focus. _ " Once Robin nodded, he continued. "Closing your eyes should make it easier for a start. A direct gaze will make it easier for your opponent to enter your mind." Again, Robin nodded and closed her eyes like she had been instructed. "Prepare yourself, Miss Mitchell. This is not going to be pleasant."

Robin focused on keeping her mind blank, but how does one go about thinking not to think?! Was that even possible? Did it-

A startled gasp escaped her lips at the highly unpleasant, if not straight out torturous feeling of someone stabbing her conscience with a million needles, digging deeper and deeper into her brain. She let out a small cry, fingernails digging into the arms of her chair while her eyes remained squeezed shut in agony. In an instant the feeling was gone, leaving her breathless and confused.

"I told you it was painful." He said almost a little apologetically, but then his voice and expression shifted back to scolding. "And I told you to  _ focus _ ! Not to wail in fear and think about the nature of thinking!"

"Yes, sir…"

"Emotions are a weakness, a backdoor for people to use and manipulate you. Allow them to see your weakness and they will use it against you until your very demise. Protect your emotions. Shut them off." He explained entirely factually, before turning into command mode again. "Try again. And  _ please _ , if that is not entirely impossible for you, focus!"

With a small nod Robin closed her eyes once more and took a deep breath. He was right, of course he was… she had to shut it all off. She had to try again. And again. And again.

… … … 

They had been at it for hours already, and Robin hadn't gotten the least bit closer to accomplishing anything at all. She however did know now why Professor Snape had been so very insistent on her getting rest… this entire thing was beyond exhausting, and had she not been so very insistent on both learning the skill and not disappointing him, she would've given up before lunchtime.

Now however, an hour after dinner would've ended, she was still at it, and still trying to learn anything at all about bloody occlumency. Snape was scolding her half of the time and trying not to smack her the other half, and Robin could tell that he was growing increasingly impatient with her. Honestly, she couldn't even blame him for it. Her emotions and thoughts were all over the place, and the more worried she got about upsetting him, the worse she did in keeping him out of her mind. If he saw any of her worries and insecurities, he did remarkably well at not showing any reaction to it though.

"Come on, Mitchell! Are you even  _ trying _ to resist?!" He snapped at her then, once again drawing her out of her thoughts. 

"I am trying, sir!" Robin almost whined, fighting the tears in her eyes as she replied. "But the harder I try, the more difficult it gets…" It really was bloody ironic to think that the more she tried to suppress her emotions, the more desperately they came spilling out indeed. What the hell was she doing wrong?!

"I've seen muggles do better at this than you do…" He muttered more to himself than to her, fiddling with his sleeves in obvious frustration, and Robin thought she had never seen someone so young looking so old before. And it all was only her fault.

"I'm sorry…" She breathed as she looked down at her hands in her lap, still fighting the tears in her eyes in vain. He really didn't need to see even more of her being pathetically emotional.

"Don't be sorry. Be better." He replied in a surprisingly quiet voice that held no more scolding than Robin's did, and as twisted as it was, she knew that he was trying to encourage her. In his own weird way.

"I will." Robin said then, nodding her head to herself as if to make herself believe her own words. "Just… give me two minutes."

She needed reason, logic, a line to stand on to work from there. Reason… he certainly wouldn't tell her to be better if he didn't deem her capable of it. If he truly believed her to be as big of a dunderhead as he said he did, why would he  _ still  _ be here with her? Why would he spend his precious time on a goddamn weekend to teach her a skill she only needed because she was scared of another professor? He really must believe that she could do it. Maybe… it was time she started believing it for herself as well.

He had told her this morning to shut off her emotions, but her emotions had always run deeper than her mind's command. She couldn't simply shut them off, they were far too powerful for that. But she could do what she always did when they became too much: build a wall between her emotions and her reason. Separate her active mind from its core. That only left her mind to stay clear of superficial feelings and thoughts.

Feeling nothing, on the surface, was like feeling numb, wasn't it? And numbness she had a lot of experience with indeed. So instead of trying to feel nothing on the outside, to suppress what she did feel, Robin focused on the feeling of numbness she had grown more accustomed to ever since the start of term. Numbness was facts. Numbness was functioning without emotions 

"Ready." She said, then released a slow and deliberate breath while closing her eyes, and waited for the needles in her brain to make her scream. But all she felt was a little prickle in the back of her head. 

Mildly irritated, she opened her eyes to see if maybe he had stopped trying in the first place, but she only was met with the same intense gaze she had seen so many times before. The needles in her mind stung a little harder as she kept her eyes wide open, and she could tell that he saw her irritation. The question why it didn't hurt. Before she could help herself, she thought a quiet 'hello', even if only to test if it would work. The prickle in her mind stopped immediately, but Snape kept staring at her in surprise now.

"Was that… better?" Robin asked wearily as she dropped her internal wall, and the concern came right back. It hadn't hurt as much as before… but maybe she was growing numb to the pain too, and he would finally give up on her now.

"What did you do?" He asked in return, without answering her question in the first place.

"Uh, it's… I-I disconnected my brain from my emotions?" That sounded more like a suggestion than an answer, and thus she went on. "It's, uh… it's what I do when I feel too much, or when I don't want people to see how I truly feel. I know you said to shut off my emotions, and I really tried all day to do just that, but no matter what I did, I just… couldn't. So I tried it in my own way for once. If it didn't work, I'll stop, just tell me-"

"Do it again." 

Robin barely had time to repeat her process of consciously disconnecting her actively processing brain from her emotions, memories and everything that made up her personality, before she felt the needles in her mind again. Or more precisely, a faint tingling in her brain. It wasn't all too unpleasant though, only little more than the very mild headache she got from focusing on keeping her wall up anyway, and thus Robin simply looked back at Professor Snape in the same manner as he was looking at her.

"Try thinking of an imagined scenario." He commanded then, focused but not menacing, and Robin followed his order immediately.

She thought of herself leaving the office, and walking up the spiral staircase, down the hallway past the many doors and towards the kitchen. She didn't really know what it looked like in there, so she made up a kitchen in her head, and how she snagged a piece of chocolate cake from a fridge. Then she dropped the scenario and focused back on the outside world, letting him see that she wondered what he was thinking now. The tingling in her mind stopped, but Robin found it difficult to shut off her numbness quite yet, so she simply stared at Snape while waiting for him to speak up first. He seemed to be doing the same however, and for a few minutes they both stared at each other in complete silence.

"Did you seriously have to imagine stealing chocolate cake?" He finally asked. "Or was that a memory?"

"I was feeling hungry. And I don't even know what the kitchen here looks like."

"Curious."

"Why?"

"Because I have known the real kitchens for a long time and yet did not doubt yours to be equally real."

"Is that good?"

"That would depend on the point of view. If one does consider your apparent talent for the subject to be 'good', then yes, that is good."

Robin's heart skipped a beat, and slowly her mind pieced itself back together in its normal ways. "I… I have a  _ talent _ for it now?! You said literally five minutes ago that I was the biggest failure you had ever seen!"

Snape rolled his eyes and gave her a glare in feigned annoyance. "That was before you suddenly developed the ability to perfectly shield off entire parts of your mind!"

Robin's eyes widened at that and she found herself rather incredulous of what he was saying. "I  _ actually _ shut you out completely?!"

"That you did." 

"Wow…" She frowned to herself at first, then at him. "I don't know if that is even possible, but couldn't you simply try harder?"

Professor Snape scoffed at her remark, and rolled his eyes yet again. "Believe me, Miss Mitchell, what you did right there is all you will need to shut Professor Morgan out entirely."

"But…" Robin started, and only as he rose an eyebrow in question she allowed herself to continue. "I would like to know the limit of what you call 'talent'. Consider it practice, if you will. I just can't imagine that I could keep you out if you really tried to get into my mind, you know… I've only been able to do it twice, and you said it's a difficult skill to learn. I just can't imagine that I would be any good at it now, after a mere day of failing almost the entire time."

"Pride didn't suit you, Mitchell, but neither does exaggerated humbleness. But if you wish to test the limits, we will. It should be good practice indeed." With that he motioned for her to get ready, and sat up straight.

The more Robin did this process of disconnection, consciously now instead of just by chance, the easier it became to do. More so than before, she focused on making her mind a mere mirror, a blank reflecting surface, before she looked Snape right back in the eye and nodded once. The feeling that followed was already a lot more intense, and Robin tensed up in return, which only worsened the unpleasant feeling inside her head.

"Relax, but focus." He reminded her as well, and Robin tried to consciously drop all stress from her body and mind. It lessened the discomfort for a moment, but he was quick to counter and soon Robin had to close her eyes to keep her barrier intact. It continued for roughly a minute, before finally she relented in both mental and physical exhaustion, causing him to come crashing into her brain like a bullet through rotten wood. The very moment he crossed her breaking point however, he stopped in an instant. 

"Was that any good? Or did you not have to try at all?" Robin asked after a minute of silence, breathing a little more heavily than she would like in order to calm her heart and mind back down.

"Some would even say remarkably good." He mused, before he got up at last and moved his chair back to its rightful spot behind the desk. "I almost had to make an actual effort."

Robin scoffed, rolled her eyes, but couldn't help smirking nonetheless at his antics. "So you really think I'm good enough to keep Morgan out of my head?"

"Certainly." He sat back down, and folded his hands on the desk.

"Thank you." Robin gave him a smile, even if an exhausted one. "Really, I… You looked into my head, I'm sure you know how grateful I am."

"In fact, I do. Otherwise I would hardly have put up with you all day." He said absolutely neutrally, but upon Robin's slightly indignant look, the barely-even-there smirk just wouldn't stay off his face.

"I thought you did because you can't stand Professor Morgan either." She mused innocently, biting her bottom lip while her eyebrows rose. If he messed with her, she felt prone to return the favor.

The hard expression was back on his face in a second however, making it clear that the joking was over. "Do not believe for a moment that you know me or my intentions, Mitchell. I am obliged to take care of my students, however I would strongly advise you not to confuse my professional actions for my personal interests."

"Yes, sir. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to appear disrespectful." Robin apologized immediately, even if she didn't entirely believe his words. He didn't seem to believe them either, but it was one of the many things Robin knew better than to address by now. It was none of her business, after all. "Anyway, I'm very grateful for your help."

"Officially this never happened, Miss Mitchell, and you have never heard a word about occlumency."

"Of course. I had an absolutely dreadful day in detention today, counting beetle eyes and unicorn hairs, should anyone ask." Robin lied with an innocent smile. "And you scolded me the entire time for not paying enough attention."

"Good." The underlying amusement returned to his face, and Robin felt pleased with herself immediately. Somehow, she preferred to see him happy, or as close as he could get to that anyway. 

"Still, thank you for today's 'detention'."

"You had the idea, made the plan and sought a course to action by yourself. And as it turned out, you also discovered your own way to acquire a new skill by yourself." He raised an eyebrow at her in mock-confusion. "I had absolutely no part in this."

"Of course not, sir." Robin bit the insides of her cheeks to keep from smiling. "I promise."

"Indeed, I merely caused you pain and made you forego dinner." With an almost bored looking expression, he got out a piece of parchment and wrote down something in that spidery cursive Robin actually quite enjoyed looking at by now. It had an oddly pleasant aesthetic, and just enough sense of familiarity to be comforting. Then he folded the paper three times and handed it to her. "You should find out what the kitchens look like. Ask the house elves to make you whatever you would like."

"But sir, it's two hours past curfew…"

"Hence the note. Whoever tries to stop you will have to answer to me from now on. I do not wish to be bothered every time you happen to be out past curfew."

"Thank you, sir." Robin finally had to smile again. "Would you… like anything from the kitchens?"

"Don't try to be kind to me, Miss Mitchell, it's not worth your efforts." He replied surprisingly coldly, and picked up another empty piece of parchment. "That would be all."

"Well, I'm sure you will hear about tomorrow's outcomes before I get to tell you myself…" Robin's smile reduced to a crooked one. "Whatever happens, I will deny that you had any part in it."

"Hmm."

"Goodnight, professor."

"Good luck, Miss Mitchell."

With a small but sincere smile, Robin closed the office door behind herself and breathed in the cool air of the hallway. Well, who knew that detention could last well over twelve hours? But then again, it never had been detention in the first place. It had been something much more valuable. When this morning she had been but a bloody damsel in distress, she now was fairly decent at the basics of occlumency. One couldn't really expect more of a day's worth of practice.

With an almost happy sigh, Robin made her way up the staircase and down the hallways. Walking around the dark castle after curfew was way more fun than she had expected, especially considering that she had even been explicitly told to do so. It really was odd… whenever she knew Professor Snape to be on her side, there was barely anything that could stop her. He might not see it like that in return, but Robin considered him to be her biggest ally. Her only ally, actually, but a great one nonetheless. She only wished that there was anything she could help him with in return, for once.

Just as she rounded the next corner and crossed into the kitchens' hallway, she almost literally ran into Professor McGonagall. Who else would be patrolling tonight, huh? It wasn't really that Robin didn't like the transfiguration professor, but ever since the incidents of last March, there had been a mutual distrust between them, an air of unease and insecurity at least on Robin's part. She couldn't tell if the professor liked or despised her at all.

"Miss Mitchell! Why am I not at all surprised to see you wandering the corridors past curfew yet again?" The professor sighed, and put her hands on her hips in resignation. "What is your excuse this time?"

"Detention." Robin shrugged, and handed her professor the folded piece of parchment without another word.

McGonagall shot her a frowning glance, then read over the note in silence while her lips however formed the words as she read nonetheless. Robin still didn't understand a word, but it made her curious. Only once her professor had reached the end of the note, she looked at Robin with wide eyes, then at the note, back at Robin, and finally folded the paper and handed it back to Robin with a strange look on her face. Without another word, she stepped around Robin and continued her patrol without wasting another word on her or the incident.

Robin looked at the note in her hand with a frown, then over her shoulder, at the professor slowly vanishing in the distant darkness, and back down the hallway to the kitchen. Odd… but she was still in need of something to eat, and thus she made her way into the kitchen at last. It was nothing like she had imagined it to look like, not worse nor better though. A little more crowded with house elves, perhaps, but also very nice for a functional room almost nobody ever got to see.

"How may we help you, Miss?" One of them asked as soon as Robin closed the door behind herself quietly and stepped further into the large room.

"Uh, good evening." Robin gave them a small smile, which they reluctantly returned. "I was told I could find something to eat up here."

"Oh, certainly, Miss!" Came the immediate reply. "What would you like to have?"

"Do you have chocolate cake?" Robin asked with a hopeful expression on her face, and the house elves seemed fairly amused at her question, however not in a condescending kind of way.

"Certainly, Miss. Is that what you would like to have?"

"Yes, please. That would be very kind of you." She gave them another smile, and some of them giggled self-consciously in return.

"May I ask you a question, Miss?" A female elf asked, while a general commotion arose all throughout the kitchen.

"Of course!"

"What makes you come here so late in the evening? We rarely have students coming to the kitchen, leave alone at this time of night!" The elf asked curiously, and one of her peers nudged her in the side in return, but she kept looking up at Robin.

"Oh, you see, I was with Professor Snape until now. In detention, I mean." She shrugged, and sat down on one of the tiny chairs while waiting for her sweet dinner to be prepared. She actually felt quite guilty for just waiting around… "Is there anything I can do to, uh, help you? Or… do anything for you in return?"

"No, Miss, it's our pleasure to serve you."

"If you say so…" Robin sighed reluctantly, and waited for the remainder of the preparations in silence. When at last a small but beautiful chocolate cake was placed in front of her, her eyes lit up in immediate excitement. "Thank you so much, it's just perfect!"

And while the house elves giggled or grumbled once more and went to clean up after themselves, Robin happily cut off and dug into a piece of her cake. She had about three quarters of it (seeing as it really was a fairly small cake) before she felt filled up at last, and absolutely ready to just fall into bed. However she also couldn't really resist the idea that plopped into her head, and smiled to herself as she turned to one of the house elves once more. "Excuse me, is it true that you can teleport anything in Hogwarts from one place to another?"

"Yes, Miss! It's how we serve your meals every day."

"So… If I politely asked you to send this piece of chocolate cake to Professor Snape, could you do that for me?"

"Certainly! Is that what you would like, Miss?"

"I would like that very much indeed." Robin grinned, and with a snap of the elf's fingers, the cake disappeared right in front of her eyes.

"There you go, consider it done."

"Thank you, I really appreciate that." She smiled down at him happily, before turning to the rest of them and bidding her goodnight to them all, which was followed by even more giggles and grumbles.

On her way back to her dorm, Robin ran into Professor McGonagall once more, but the teacher merely nodded at Robin once in acknowledgement before moving along. Odd… Robin once again wondered what Snape had written on that note. Once she was in her room and had gotten ready for bed as quietly as she could to not wake up the other girl –even if they would most definitely deserve it–, she finally decided to give in to her curiosity. Casting a quiet  _ lumos  _ under her covers, she slowly unfolded the parchment to avoid noise. She really wasn't supposed to read this… but her curiosity was stronger than her wish to follow nonsensical rules. The short and to the point note only contained one single sentence:

_ I hereby give Miss Robin Mitchell the permanent permission to freely move around the castle at any time she sees fit. - Professor Severus Snape _

Again, Robin couldn't help but smile. He really must trust her if he allowed her to break curfew… but then again, he had spent hours looking into her head today. He hadn't seen everything, not even close to it, but obviously it had sufficed to know that she wouldn't ever abuse the little trust he put in her now. Was he even allowed to do such a thing as allowing her to walk around at will? Professor McGonagall at least hadn't questioned it, and she was deputy headmistress… maybe it was just fine, then.

Robin folded the note back together to how it had been and then even smaller, before storing it away in her locket as well. Who knew when a permit such as this might come in handy? She definitely didn't want to lose it, even if only as a reminder of today's 'detention'. As she placed her wand on her nightstand and laid down under her covers in darkness at last, she realized that today might just have been the first time in over two years that she had continuously been around the same person for a longer period of time without the desperate wish to escape and be by herself. Funny, she hadn't even once thought that his company bothered her in over twelve hours… Even funnier was it though that the one person she didn't feel bothered by was also the one person that bothered absolutely everyone else.


	8. Of Common Enemies - Part 3

"Good morning, class!" Professor Morgan cheered as he stepped out of his office at last and down the steps to the classroom's level. "Today's lesson shall start with a short  _ demonstration _ on my part. Miss Mitchell, would you be so kind?"

"Of course, professor." Robin put on a fake smile and ignored the whispering around her as she made her way to the front. She had already started building on her internal wall during breakfast, and by now Robin didn't even feel nervous anymore. All that was left in her conscious mind was the here and now, and an eerie calm to go along with it. While she took her stance in front of the class, Morgan turned towards the other children once again.

"You needn't be afraid for your… _ beloved _ classmate's well-being, I can assure you, even if what you will be witnessing now might sound like she is suffering from… severe pain." He finished with an innocent smile at Robin, and Robin merely reflected it right back at him. 

Some people in the class snorted and whispered, surely picking up on Morgan's sarcastic remark, but Robin didn't even care. She had left all nervousness and every hint of fear behind before entering the classroom today, and now she was absolutely ready to begin. Professor Morgan however wasn't done talking and inflating his own ego yet. 

"You see, this is a highly dangerous spell and not part of the regular curriculum, but I believe it is important to demonstrate what  _ real _ power looks like, for a change. And I repeat once more: Miss Mitchell agreed to assisting me for this VITAL demonstration. So do not let the following  _ agony _ you will be witnessing fool you into thinking otherwise."

The laughter had died down now, and Robin noticed how half of the class looked rather nervous about the prospect of seeing a fellow student in pain, while the other half simply seemed to be waiting for a good show. She felt no particular response to either. There was only neutrality on her mind.

"Ready, Mitchell?" Professor Morgan took a rather ridiculous stance opposite of her so that they both stood sideways to the class, then he drew his wand and pointed it at Robin.

"Yes, sir." 

" _ Legilimens _ !" He said loudly, and looked Robin right in the eye, however without any intensity. In return, Robin felt a minimal tingle in the back of her mind that was barely strong enough to be noticed at all. She held his gaze, leaning her head to the side a little as if in question, and lifted her eyebrows with a calm smile. Professor Morgan's eyes widened in irritation, and he took a step closer towards Robin while however his own focus decreased so that she could barely feel anything in her mind at all anymore.

"How… do you… do that?" He asked through clenched teeth, a frown falling onto his face as he did exactly the wrong thing by tensing up and losing focus.

"Oh, did we start already?" Robin returned innocently. "Is this the part where I am supposed to wail in pain under your power, sir?"

The roaring sound of many laughters broke through the classroom in return, but Robin didn't allow herself to be pleased. She kept her mind blank, unreadable, and simply kept on looking at Morgan in mocking innocence. A short moment later, he dropped his wand and even the most minimal intrusion in her mind came to an end. Instead, Professor Morgan grabbed her by the collars of her button up shirt and black jumper, and pulled her closer with a furious glare.

"You failed to mention that you're an occlumens, Mitchell." He hissed at her while the chattering in the classroom picked back up, most likely to joke about Robin's remarkable embarrassing of their teacher.

"A what, sir?" Robin kept her face neutral with a touch of mocking cluelessness. She didn't need to feel her victory in form of pride to know that she had won this time around.

"Sit. Back. Down." He merely ordered in a tone that would've made anyone shudder, then released her collar from his grip and gave her a little push back towards her seat. And while Robin did just that with her still perfectly neutral face, Morgan turned back to the entire class with a forcefully bright smile. "Well, why don't we skip the demonstration for now and start on our new topic, shall we? Page 251."

… … … 

Robin didn't have to wait long for Professor Morgan's payback. In fact, it came just a few hours later, on Monday afternoon, in the form of an older students. The redhead made his quick way to the front of Robin's transfiguration class, whispered something to Professor McGonagall, who in return nodded and looked right at Robin.

"Miss Mitchell, you were summoned to the headmaster's office." She said, then nodded at the redhead once more, upon which he led Robin out of the classroom and right to her place of destine in silence. All the while Robin's heart seemed to burst out of her chest at any moment, and she felt dangerously close to throwing up.

"Just knock and go in. He's awaiting you." The boy said, then made for a quick disappearance before she had the chance to even thank him for escorting her here.

Honestly, Robin hadn't ever exchanged a word with Professor Dumbledore in her one and a half years at Hogwarts, and she very much would've preferred to keep it at that. But she didn't have a choice now, did she… Morgan had obviously told on her, even though she hadn't technically done anything wrong at all. No, really, she had not done one wrong thing. That's exactly what Robin would tell the headmaster as well. She took a deep breath, and built her internal wall. There was no use for tears or anxiety in the discussion that would surely follow, and she preferred to keep her head clear in order to ensure the best possible outcome for anyone involved. She had no intention of lying, but neither had she the intention to reveal Professor Snape's involvement in any of this. If things went how she planned them right now, he wouldn't even have to hear about this incident. With very little anxiety remaining in her processing mind, she knocked three times and then let herself in. 

"Ah, Miss Mitchell!" Professor Dumbledore greeted her from behind his desk with a kind smile. "Do come in, don't be shy."

"Good afternoon, headmaster." She nodded her head in acknowledgement and stepped right up to his desk without further hesitation. "You wished to see me?"

"Well, I received a rather lengthy complaint from Professor Morgan about you, just an hour ago. He demanded for you to be punished for your behavior in class today."

"I see…" Robin replied neutrally, but politely. "If I may ask, what exactly is it that he accuses me of, professor?"

"Why don't you tell me, Miss Mitchell?" Dumbledore smiled at her in obvious amusement.

"He called me an occlumens in class today, that is all he said to me personally. But I'm not aware of any fault on my part." She shrugged, then quickly added, "Which is not to say that there is none, of course, just none that I'm aware of."

"And what do you think Professor Morgan meant when he called you an occlumens?"

Before Robin could answer that question, the door to Dumbledore's office was opened after but one brief knock, and Robin's heart skipped a beat in nervousness despite her wall as she saw who entered.

"You wished to see me, headmaster?" Professor Snape's deep voice sent a shiver down Robin's spine, and once his eyes fell on her with that stupid risen eyebrow of his, she turned back to looking at Professor Dumbledore instead. Otherwise her wall would come dangerously close to crashing right down in a heap of tangled up emotions.

"Ah, Severus!" Dumbledore greeted in a delighted tone. "I'm sure you already know Miss Mitchell…"

"Indeed." Was all Snape replied as he came to stand next to Robin in front of the headmaster's desk.

"I've asked you here to confirm a colleague's suspicion." Dumbledore explained in what to Robin looked a lot like subtle amusement. "About Miss Mitchell."

Robin once more dared looking at Professor Snape out of the corners of her eyes, but regretted it immediately when she caught his hard gaze. Her eyes flew back to Dumbledore in an instant.

"I see…" Snape replied neutrally, just like Robin had done mere minutes ago. "If I may ask, whose suspicion am I to confirm?" 

This time Dumbledore smiled a little wider but still not enough to call it a grin, and Robin probably would have straight out laughed at the parallel phrases as well, had she not been trying to keep every emotion at bay.

"Damion's." Dumbledore replied easily, and his expression dimmed back down to the previous subtle amusement. "He came to me under the impression that Miss Mitchell is practicing occlumency."

"And how exactly did he get that impression?" Snape's voice took on that dangerously inquiring tone again, and Robin wasn't sure if he was going against Morgan or herself with the question.

"He did not say." Dumbledore smiled almost knowingly, and Robin wondered if the two men always had their conversations in cryptic remarks or if it was because of her listening in.

"To my knowledge, Damion would have had to use either a curse, a potion or means of legilimency to become aware of such circumstance, none of which is commonly allowed or recommended to use on… students." Snape stated, and Robin could feel his eyes on her for a moment while she still refused to look at him. He must be so disappointed in her…

"This just happens to have been my line of thought as well when Damion demanded for Miss Mitchell to be punished for her supposed ability, which is precisely why I declined the request." Dumbledore said mildly and gave Robin a kind smile before turning back to Snape. "However I would still like for you to confirm his suspicions, Severus. Should Miss Mitchell indeed be an occlumens as he says?"

Now Robin actually did look at Snape, neutrally, but she knew that her wall was but a joke to keep her anxiety at bay at this point. If he even barely tried now, she wouldn't stop him. But while he did meet her eyes in that intense gaze, he did not try to look into her mind at all.

"Yes." He finally said, gravely almost, and turned away from Robin to look back at the headmaster. "She seems to have quite a…  _ talent  _ for it."

"Miss Mitchell…" Dumbledore's direct address made Robin turn back to look at him once more. "Were you aware that you used occlumency to resist Professor Morgan's attempt to enter your mind?"

"Yes."

"And, I'd very much like to know, how is it that a second year student is already aware of this ancient magical practice?"

"I read about it." Robin replied honestly, as her rational mind was slowly starting to function again. "I read about it in a book I came across while I was actually looking for something entirely different."

"And why did you decide to practice this skill?" Dumbledore lifted his eyebrows in question, and Robin didn't even have to look to know that Professor Snape was doing the very same thing.

"I did because I was afraid." Robin started, again opting for nothing but honesty, even if only on a broader scheme. "As you might be aware of, I was born and raised in the muggle world. The discovery of magic itself was, to me, equally exciting as it was frightening, and that hasn't changed much. Magic, to me, is something I will never fully understand, and that is what frightens me most. From what I learned about occlumency, I foremost believed it to be a tool to protect myself against things I can't fight as of yet. However I found that the focus and clearness of the mind required for learning it are a good way to deal with my fears. And my anxiety."

"I see…" Dumbledore replied with an all-too-knowing smile, and Robin had to return the smile at least ever so slightly. 

"Will I get into trouble for this, sir?" She still found the need to ask, even if her nerves were already a whole lot easier to tame. 

"I see no reason for that. While it is highly surprising indeed that someone so inexperienced in the use of magic should be able to make even any use of a powerful skill such as occlumency in the first place, there is no fault in it, nor a reason for me to scold you. I rather wish to congratulate you for your already remarkable proficiency in the subject, and would strongly advise you to continue your private studies. Despite what Professor Morgan or other teachers might have to say on the issue." He finished his small monologue with another oddly knowing smile, then looked at Snape for a brief moment and back to Robin. "I'm sure Professor Snape would be willing to assist you in your studies, should you wish to continue them. It would be a shame to neglect a young talent merely based on prejudice and inept opinions, wouldn't you say, Severus?"

"Certainly, headmaster." His neutral tone really didn't give away any sentiment he might feel concerning the issue, and Robin found herself wishing for once that he wasn't this good at this game. She would've liked to at least know if he was indifferent to being told to possibly continue teaching her outside of potions class, or if he was mad about it. But his face was absolutely blank.

"One more thing, Miss Mitchell…" Professor Dumbledore said then, and Robin let him know that she was paying attention by lifting her head ever so slightly in acknowledgement. "Did Professor Morgan at any point indeed manage to break into your mind?"

Robin frowned at the question, thought for a second, then smoothed the lines back out of her face as she replied. "No, sir. He… he didn't even get close, if I may say so. Why do you ask?"

"Oh, I was merely being curious." The headmaster smiled at Robin in amusement and folded his hands on his desk as he leaned forward a little. "Thank you for your time. You may go now, both of you. I believe it should be time for dinner anyhow…"

"Thank you, professor." Robin replied politely as she walked backwards to the door. "I hope you have a nice evening." With that she turned around on her heel and disappeared through the door, out of the office as quickly as was still considered graceful. To her surprise, Professor Snape was right behind her and closed the door behind the two of them before she could. As they made their way down the narrow stairs in silence, Robin walking ahead, she found that while the silence wasn't uncomfortable, she still felt the need to say something. Just to test the waters, to see if he was mad at her. However, much to her surprise, Snape spoke up first. 

"You did not mention my involvement in the events." He simply said, more statement than question, in a neither scolding nor praising manner.

"I promised you I wouldn't."

"However you also did not cease to speak the truth the entire time."

"I never lie, sir. I do leave things out sometimes, and that usually suffices to alter the other's perception of reality, but I never lie." Robin shrugged, which resulted in her having to readjust the strap of her backpack on her shoulder. After a small pause, she finally made herself add, "I'm sorry that you were yet again dragged into the consequences of my actions. I had no idea that Morgan would be dimwitted enough to tell on me despite being the one to do the questionable thing."

"The general dimwittedness of the average person is a necessary nuisance to get used to. But you will, eventually." He almost sighed as they walked next to each now, towards the great hall where dinner would be served shortly indeed. Robin had to smirk at his comment, and didn't even bother hiding it as she looked up to find him looking straight ahead, in equal amusement that was probably invisible to everyone but her. She quite liked his not-smirks.

"Morgan really did not get into your head?" He inquired then, almost curiously, and Robin once again felt tempted to sass back.

"You sound surprised, professor…" She merely stated in an innocent tone, looking ahead now as well while she tried not to grin.

"With Professor Morgan's  _ talent _ for magic, it would not even surprise me if he had used the spell against himself in the first place."

"I doubt that he would find a single useful thing in his own mind though." Robin mused with a frown to herself and got a quiet snort from the man next to her in return.

"You clearly should not be talking about teachers in such a fashion, Miss Mitchell." He replied, but the usual bite was absent from his superficially scolding tone. And yet he was right, Robin realized, gossiping about a professor with another professor wasn't quite the best idea. 

"Anyway, it was sheer dumb luck that Professor Dumbledore encouraged my out-of-class studies today, even suggested me to ask you for help." She said instead, coming back to the lingering core of her concerns. "I know you say you're responsible for all of your students, but that doesn't mean I can be nor  _ want _ to be a constant bother. So I will keep my problems to myself from now on."

"I would rather you don't." He was quick to reply, but ever-factual about it, of course. Why did he only ever let her see what he thought when it was about something absolutely irrelevant?! "You give me a constant headache, Miss Mitchell, but you are not a bother."

Robin didn't know if she should smile or frown at that, so she did neither and only looked up at him once more while she waited for him to continue. When he didn't, she decided to speak instead. "I'm seriously not a bother?"

"Seriously."

Only once they had almost reached the open doors to the great hall, Robin dared to ask another of her burning questions. "But honestly sir, what do  _ you _ get out of helping me out all the time other than trouble and headaches?"

"Chocolate cake, for example." He replied almost easily, with the same pointedly unimpressed expression he usually wore in class. Yet, Robin could clearly tell by the not-smirk that this was a mere charade. The smirk was on her own face before she possibly could have stopped it, but she bit her bottom lip to not grin up at him too brightly as he added, "Have a nice dinner, Miss Mitchell."

"Same to you, professor." She added as politely as her smirk would allow, while Snape already made his entrance with the return of his usual stone-set scowl.

_______________

After the original occlumency incident, Robin continued practicing her ability to disconnect from her emotions on her own, and whenever she came to Professor Snape's office to borrow or return a book, they would test her progress. 

Sooner than expected (as always) it was Christmas break once again, and Robin made the surprisingly easy decision to stay at school this year. She had written to her parents in advance to let them know of her decision, and they hadn't even questioned it. While on one end Robin was eternally grateful for the freedom they gave and always had given her, she also felt weighed down by their obvious indifference that was merely wrapped in ridiculously sweet nicknames and expensive presents. It felt like they only loved the  _ idea  _ of Robin, and not Robin herself. But she pushed the feeling away like she was getting so good at doing, and simply imagined that she hadn't even had the choice to go home over the holidays.

As most of the other students left to head home however, the castle got a lot quieter, as did the Slytherin common room. To Robin's bad luck, it was almost exclusively the students who couldn't stand her that had stayed behind in her own house, while the members of the other houses that were still here almost never left their own common rooms in return. Rarely there was anyone in the library whenever Robin sat down with a book to study for fun, and seeing as all girls in her dorm room had gone home as well, Robin soon got the impression that outside of the meals, she was the only current resident at Hogwarts. To say it wasn't boring would've been a lie, and to say she didn't feel lonely an even bigger one. 

However, against the boredom at least, Robin quickly found a cure: reading up on the tradition of magical duelling, which Professor Flitwick had briefly mentioned in charms class before the holidays, as well as studying the many attacks and defenses suitable for a 'friendly' duel, even if that fell more into Professor Morgan's subject. It was quite a bit like fencing in terms of rules, actually, but adapted to the magic involved of course. And while it was snowing like crazy most of the time, Robin still felt motivated enough to go out into the cold to try out the spells she discovered, and to practice them on some innocent trees throughout the day. It at least posed a welcome change to reading all day, every day. Which, admittedly, still was all she did after dark.

Since her common room had basically been turned into idiot-headquarters, Robin found a little joy at least in finding a different spot in the castle to read in every night. On new year's eve, Robin found the castle outside of the common rooms to be especially empty. Everyone was probably getting ready to celebrate the new year, staying up with their friends until midnight… Robin however made use of the permission from Professor Snape to stay out after curfew, and simply stayed sitting in one of her favorite spots in an arch in the arcades around the courtyard, overlooking the white snow creating a sharp contrast to the blackness of the night. She'd wrapped herself up in as many layers of clothes as she could fit under her winter robes, and taken her latest book on duelling spells with her as well, before coming out here to simply be alone with herself and the night. And despite it being the last day of the year, it was as good a night as any. She looked at her wristwatch… half past eleven. That meant she would head back inside no sooner than in forty minutes.

"What, pray tell, do you think you are doing out here at this time?"

Robin almost fell off her spot in the arch as she jumped at hearing a voice for the first time in hours. "Professor Snape! Bloody hell, you scared me…"

"Obviously." He mused as he came into her field of vision at last and stopped his stroll right in front of Robin, arms crossed behind his back. "But that did not answer my question."

"Would you like the full truth or the pretty one?"

"I always expect the entire truth, Miss Mitchell, and you are well aware of that."

"Well, in that case, I'm here because I didn't want to spend the last night of the year among idiots. You gave me the permission to move around the castle as I see fit, and seeing as I might as well be poisoned by the glares shot at me in the common room, this is the best possible option to spend the evening. I enjoy the serenity of the night, and the soundlessness of the snow." Robin simply stated as a matter of fact, in the knowledge that he wouldn't accept anything but the truth indeed. She however left out the part about possibly crying her eyes out over sheer loneliness had she stayed in her room alone.

Professor Snape looked down at her with a frown for a moment, studying her intently as if making up his mind about what to do about the situation. The fact that he had to think about it in the first place, instead of sending her straight back to the common room without further ado, brought a small smile to Robin's lips, as she turned back to her book in her lap. A few seconds later she heard more than saw that he moved, and she didn't know if she should be happy or upset that he had simply left without another word.

"What are you reading?" His voice startled her yet again, and Robin jumped just as badly as she had the first time. "Could you stop being startled every time I talk to you tonight?" The eye rolling was practically embedded in his tone, and Robin rolled her eyes in return.

"Could you stop startling me every time you talk to me tonight?" She muttered under her breath as she leaned out of her arch a little to see him sitting in the very next one. The column in the middle was blocking most of her view, but Robin could tell that he was staring out into the snow covered courtyard. "I'm reading a book about duelling. Attacks, defenses and such…" She finally said, a little more loudly, and without the mocking tone.

"And what would be the use of that for a second year student?"

"It kills boredom." Robin shrugged even though he couldn't see her, and flipped her book shut with a soundless sigh. "I've been practicing some of the spells over the holidays."

"Any insights worth mentioning?"

"Mainly, I've realized that attacking snow covered trees isn't the brightest idea." Robin rolled her eyes at herself as she leaned her head against the cold stone wall behind her to stare out into the night as well. It really had been a rather unpleasant experience to be drowning in a heap of snow… she shuddered at the memory.

"Still better than attacking your own reflection in the mirror…"

"Have you ever tried that?!" Robin snickered, and almost regretted not being able to see his annoyed face in return. Why would he do that though? Somehow, the thought that he had also just been a student once made her smile.

"I will  _ not _ admit to such a thing." He said rather pointedly, but Robin had to grin to herself nonetheless. 

For a long moment, both of them stayed in comfortable silence as they watched the snow falling continuously, in a hypnotizing pattern of random black and white. For the first time in over a week, Robin didn't feel lonely at all.

"I will grant you however that this place is indeed rather calming in its… serenity." He stated almost uncharacteristically quietly at last, and Robin had to smile again.

"Told you so…" She replied under her breath, unsure if he even heard her or not, but unwilling to harm the silence by the use of sound. Maybe that's why his words had been spoken so very quietly as well… did he appreciate the fragility of silence as much as she did? At least he seemed to appreciate something about this moment, seeing as he was still here in the first place. He had no reason to stay, and that made Robin appreciate his company all the more. They stayed like that, watching the snow falling in silence, until the silence at last was disrupted by something other than them. Robin looked at her watch in surprise, having entirely forgotten about it being new year's, to find it showing midnight at last.

"That would be the people in Hogsmeade." Snape commented in rather obvious distaste, sounding almost as annoyed that the silence had been disrupted as Robin felt too. It had been nice… very nice even.

"Happy new year, professor." Robin said quietly after a few seconds of listening to the distant sound of fireworks, a little afraid that he would mock her for the sentiment and thereby ruin her future memory of a beautiful night.

"The very same to you, Miss Mitchell." He replied instead, in a sigh that was stuck between feignedly annoyed and sincerely calm, but that was enough already, and Robin felt truly happy for the first time in weeks. He didn't need to know that though, which is why Robin waited another moment before she got up to her feet, stretching her frozen limbs, and walked to stand in front of his arch now. Even when sitting, he still was a little taller than her and Robin almost would've laughed at the sheer randomness of the thought. Why did she even pay attention to stupid stuff like that?

"Thank you for letting me stay out here." She finally said, as neutrally as she could. "I know you didn't have to do that, but I really appreciate it. It's…" Her voice trailed off as he rose to his feet as well, and they started making their way back into the castle.

"Do go on." He encouraged, or rather inquired after a few steps, but Robin didn't know if she even wanted to. She should've thought about that before she had started speaking… now she also had to finish it.

"It's rather lonely inside the castle, with just those imbeciles who despise me no matter what I do for company… Studying by myself is a good enough distraction during the day, but at night I feel like I can hardly breathe inside those walls." She explained in a quiet calm, and once again expected him to mock her for being so pathetically emotional. However, once again, he surprised her.

"I understand." Was all he said, and yet Robin felt like he actually  _ did  _ understand. Maybe it was his tone that led her to believe this, or maybe it was having shared half an hour of silent existence outside of school or learning… it didn't matter. Robin felt understood indeed.

"May I ask, professor, what would I need to do to get detention during the holidays?" She wondered then, as they made their way down the stairs to the dungeons, thinking about how even scrubbing cauldrons or whatever else he might make her do would be an improvement to her current situation of daily boredom.

"Are you truly that desperate for something to do with your time?" He asked in return, not even trying to hide the amusement from his voice anymore as he still looked down at her with a frown.

"Quite." She sighed, giving him a small shrug. "Reading is lovely, as is practicing spells, but I'd like to give the poor trees by the lake a break for once. And my brain as well. Do something less-…"

"Redundant? Pathetic? Imbecile?"

"I was going to say lonely, but redundant is fine with me as well." The reply earned her a full not-smirk, and Robin smiled at the darkness ahead of her as well.

"You could always use that unparalleled ability of yours to make up dimwitted insults for the teaching staff." He suggested surprisingly tactfully, and Robin had to snort at the comment.

"You mean like calling a certain defense against the dark arts professor a bloody pillock?" She suggested with an innocent smile as they stopped in front of Snape's office door.

Instead of actually answering the question however, he gave her one of his indecipherable looks for but two seconds, then turned to open the door. "I'll see you for detention after breakfast tomorrow. Goodnight, Miss Mitchell." 


	9. Of Common Enemies - Part 4

From the moment she got up, Robin actually felt excited about detention. She didn't even care what it was she would have to do, only that it was something other than reading or studying for once. And she didn't particularly mind being around Snape for the day either, seeing as he was still the most interesting person she knew, and probably ever would know. And also kind of the only person who talked to her at this point.

Thus she made her way towards his office after having a very quick breakfast, once again dressed for a day in the cold. This time, she actually knocked.

"I see you are able to learn, after all." He commented without looking up from the pile of parchment as Robin stepped into the room. "Knocking surely is a difficult skill to master."

Robin rolled her eyes at his mocking words, but she knew better than to actually feel insulted. If he wanted to hurt her, he knew very well how to, and it would be easy for him as well.

"Do  _ not  _ roll your eyes at me, Miss Mitchell." He warned darkly, still without looking at her, but his tone alone was enough of a scolding to make a glare redundant indeed. "I am not your friend, and you would do well to remember that."

"Yes, sir. I'm sorry..." Robin had a rush of guilt running through her in an instant, and she once more felt the wish to not upset him any further. He was the only person she even remotely liked, and the last thing she wanted was to lose the little trust and respect she had earned in the last one and a half years.

"Seeing as you would be more nuisance than help to me at the present time, you will be delivering a message to Professor Sprout for me today." He explained, and finally looked up at Robin in perfectly unimpressed indifference. Once more he waited until she nodded before he continued. "She will be in the greenhouse at this time. May I suggest for you to wear robes a little… warmer?" With that he handed her a folded piece of parchment, giving her another pointed glance, before finally looking back down to his work at last. "That would be all. Good day, Miss Mitchell."

As Robin went to retrieve her warmest robes before heading towards the greenhouse, she couldn't help feeling a little disappointed, and even worse, a little hurt indeed. Somehow, she had rather been looking forward to spending the day in the dungeons, hoping to maybe learn something new about potions, or occlumency, or anything else Professor Snape would teach her. She'd thought that maybe she could actually help  _ him  _ for once. But she realized now just how silly that had actually been, and most of all she felt embarrassed of herself and her own ridiculous expectations. This was just what she had asked for, after all… something to do.

With a sigh, she bit down her embarrassment and entered the greenhouse to fulfill her task. "Professor Sprout…?" She called into the open room, frowning to herself as she saw nothing but green.

"In the back, just come in, dear!" Came a loud voice calling in return, and Robin did as she was told until at last she spotted the herbology professor attending to a plant Robin had seen before, but didn't exactly know the name of.

"Good morning, professor." She greeted politely, and watched the woman work with curiosity until she remembered why she was here in the first place. "I, uh… I have a note from Professor Snape for you."

With a clearly doubtful expression, Professor Sprout turned to Robin and took the note from her, unfolding and reading it under Robin's careful observation, which actually took more time than expected. Robin couldn't help wondering what it was about, or why it obviously was quite long… she really was too curious for her own good.

"Is this a joke?" The roundly woman asked at last, looking at Robin in question and doubt.

"No! I mean, I don't know, he just asked me to deliver the note a little while ago, I don't actually know what its content is. But he seemed rather serious about its immediate delivery!" Robin replied, and the professor's face brightened up in an instant.

"Very well then! There is more than enough work to do." She said happily, before delving right back into the plant she had been busy with before. "Come on, Miss Mitchell, the plants won't take care of themselves!"

Robin frowned in irritation for a second, but then caught the gloves that were being thrown at her and joined her professor in carefully weeding and pruning the plants. After a short and essential explanation on what to cut away and what not, she felt rather confident in the task and moved on to the next set of pots on her own.

"Are you sure Professor Snape won't mind me helping you out today?" Robin finally asked after a while of pondering over the question. Well over an hour had passed since she had come to the greenhouse, and Professor Sprout didn't seem to intend letting her go any time soon. Not that Robin minded, she rather enjoyed the work, but the worry simply won't leave her mind alone. "I mean… he said I have detention today."

"You really don't know what he wrote in that note, do you?"

"Of course not! He didn't tell me, and I wouldn't ever dare to look."

"Aren't you curious?" The professor chuckled softly, and Robin felt the heat creep up her neck and onto her cheeks.

"Of course I am… But he trusted me to deliver the message without looking at it, and I wouldn't dare disappointing him." She replied honestly, but continued focusing a little too hard on the plant in front of her.

"Because you're afraid of him?"

Good question, Robin thought. Why didn't she want to disappoint him quite so desperately? Because she was afraid of him? "Certainly not." Robin replied with a scoff before she could keep her mouth shut.

"Oh?" Professor Sprout wondered out loud, and Robin could tell that she was honestly surprised. "I was under the impression that the students, especially the younger ones, are rather intimidated by him."

"Oh, they certainly are!" Robin replied quickly, careful to avoid her professor's eye. "I just mean… my wish to not disappoint him stems in a hopefully common respect rather than fear. He's the head of my house, and also the teacher of my favorite subject." As she realized what she'd said, she blushed even more. "Sorry, I didn't mean to say that I don't like herbology, it's just-…"

"I understand, your passion lies with potions." There was a smile in her voice as she spoke. "No offense taken."

"Good… I really would've hated to upset you."

"You're remarkably loyal for a Slytherin, Miss Mitchell… as well as kind and thoughtful. I wonder why the hat placed you in Slytherin." 

Robin sighed louder than intended upon hearing her professor's words, and the woman continued with a small laugh. "You hear that quite often, don't you?"

"Yes, actually. From teachers, classmates, myself…" Robin shrugged to herself a little, as she moved along the different types of plants. "It's like nobody wants me in Slytherin in the first place."

"Since we're having such a nice chat already, may I ask what happened to the branch of dittany I let you take a few months back?" Professor Sprout asked then, and Robin was sure that it was both out of curiosity and to change the topic to a lighter theme.

With a small smile she dropped her gardening supplies and gloves and moved over to her professor to answer the question by simply showing her. It really wasn't like her locket was a secret… more like a very private inventory. But if she ever wanted to get a chance at also preserving some other types of useful plants, she might just as well show the herbology professor what she needs the plants for. "I dried it according to a book of instructions I borrowed… and have been carrying it around since then. I happen to get myself into unfortunate situations more often than not, and properly preserved dittany can on its own work as a supplement for a healing potion. Generally, I just like to be prepared. So I find solutions to problems before they arise." She stated as she carefully removed the plant from its hiding place and handed it to the professor. Sprout frowned for a moment as she inspected Robin's work very carefully, then returned the plant to Robin who in return placed it back inside the locket.

"This is very good work, Miss Mitchell. And a very clever idea as well." She finally commented with an honest smile. "I'm sure Professor Snape was pleased with your work."

"Oh, uh… he doesn't know about it." Robin replied with yet another blush which she also tried to hide by hurriedly returning to her work on the opposite wall. "I dried it in my dorm, just to… you know… test the instructions once at least. I'm fairly sure Professor Snape wouldn't have appreciated me trying this out in the first place."

"Well, I for my part can assure you that you have quite the talent for it!" She laughed quietly to herself more than to Robin. "When we have to restock the ingredients in the potions classroom, I might just have to borrow you from Severus for a day or two to help me."

"It'd be an honor. I'll be happy to help." Robin smiled to herself as well, face red as a tomato by now from being praised like that in all honesty for once. 

Robin spent all day in the greenhouse, assisting the herbology professor in everything and anything that was to be done that day. She actually ended up learning quite a bit on the side even about plants they wouldn't be addressing in class for years to come, and she loved every second of it. Reading about all those plants and their use in potions had been a great basis, but Robin had discovered throughout the day that no book could replace practical experience. And she had gotten plenty of that. 

On the side of learning and working, Robin had also discovered that Professor Sprout loved to chat. In class she usually stuck to giving basic instructions and answering questions, but now that she was alone with Robin, she actually talked quite a lot about anything and everything, much to Robin's honest entertainment (and also enjoyment). There hadn't even been time to feel lonely, between getting instructions for the next task and answering questions ranging from her favorite kind of tea to the staffroom rumor about Robin being an occlumens, and she had quickly forgotten about everything that existed outside of the greenhouse.

It was only shortly before dinner that Professor Sprout finally put her work down with a sigh. "If this wasn't a productive day, I don't know what is!"

"I'm delightfully exhausted." Robin smiled as she returned her gloves to the place where she had taken them from his morning. "Today was truly lovely, thank you for letting me stay. I only hope I was more help than nuisance to you."

"Of course you were a help!" Came the immediate protest from Sprout. "Who on earth would call such a lovely young woman a nuisance?" Robin didn't reply, only bit on her bottom lip and looked down at her shoes for a moment. She really shouldn't have brought it up.

"Don't tell me Professor Snape said that to you…" The older woman groaned under her breath then, rolling her eyes and rendering Robin momentarily confused, before she spoke on. "You really shouldn't listen to everything he says, dear. He's… well, your head of house of course, but he's also –and promise me you won't tell him I said that– just a twenty-four year old idiot sometimes." Robin couldn't help but snicker at the frankness of her professor. He really was only twenty four? He seemed so much older than that… but Professor Sprout went on before Robin could dwell on it. "You know what, don't promise you won't tell him. He might as well know I said that. Might do him good to know that he isn't inerrant either."

Robin gave her professor a partially insecure and partially embarrassed half smile. "I'm afraid I couldn't promise it to you anyway. I mean, I won't tell him out of my own interest, but… I can't lie to him, professor. For multiple reasons."

"You really are more loyal than most people deserve, do you know that?"

"It's not as much about loyalty, and more about him simply reading my mind from time to time." Robin shrugged, and only then realized what she had just told the professor. The blush was back in an instant. "I mean, he only does when I ask him to! Not-not that he… would ever be that disrespectful… He-he's just  _ way  _ better at any of this than I am, obviously, I mean…" She tried to fix the damage she believed to have done, but Sprout only chuckled.

"Just make sure you don't forget that he's also only human, will you? With all those times he's being cold and void of emotion, it's good to keep that in mind. Not everything he says is also what he means." She gave Robin a sad but kind smile, and received a small nod in return. "It might make your life with all the other students a little easier too, to remember that they're only human."

"Thank you, professor." Robin replied with an appreciative smile. She wouldn't tell her that Snape wasn't all that emotionless if one just paid attention… nobody needed to know that, if he didn't want them to know. And Robin honestly was no expert in the field either. "People are… difficult, sometimes."

"I know, dear… it's a burden and a blessing at once to be different."

"I'm not different… Who says that?" Robin frowned, again taking on a defensive stance while her professor moved around the greenhouse to finish up with today's work.

"Professor Snape believes you to be, and I very much think he's right!" Sprout chuckled once more, and while Robin realized that it might not actually be meant as an insult, a chunk of anxiety still remained in her racing heart. The herbology professor however seemed oblivious to her concerns as she spoke on. "You have an astonishing ability to learn whatever you set out to, and that in such a high quality and in such a short time… it's remarkable! Tell me, is there any subject you're truly bad at?"

"Well, uh…" Robin actually had to think hard for an appropriate answer to that. There was so much she was bad at… just not much in regards to school. "I'm rather mediocre at transfiguration, as I don't really see the use of that in a grand scheme of things, and at astronomy… I love the stars, but I also prefer looking at a nice painting rather than painting myself, if you know what I mean. Oh, and history of magic I find dreadfully boring, even though I actually do love history, but I'm quite good at the subject nonetheless… I think." No need to mention why she was also rather mediocre at defense against the dark arts…

"That's quite amusing, wouldn't you say?" 

"It is?"

"To me it is. You're good at whatever you set your heart to, and if it's challenging enough, you're quite excellent indeed!"

"Oh, uh… thank you, professor…" Robin felt uncomfortable, being praised like that, and even though it made her feel a bit proud of herself as well, she'd rather not have an adult gushing over her supposedly admirable qualities. Stuff like that only messed with one's head, and she hadn't forgotten the lesson about pride she'd received in her first year here.

"If you don't believe that you're at least  _ somehow  _ different, I may remind you that you preferred spending the entire day hands deep in soil with a professor instead of doing… whatever it is young people do these days. What  _ do  _ they do these days?"

"Uh, I… I'm not sure I'm the right person to ask, professor…" Robin's chuckle stemmed more in embarrassment than in humor, but she really didn't know what other kids were up to these days. She literally hadn't spoken to another student in almost two weeks!

"Ah, yes, that's right… nevermind then." For a moment it stayed silent, and Robin didn't know if she was supposed to leave or stay. At last, Sprout gave her another encouraging smile before speaking. "If you ever find yourself in need of something useful to do with your time again, I'd be delighted to have some help around here!"

"So… you wouldn't mind me coming back tomorrow? I'm not quite done yet, with the cutting of-..."

"I'd be happy to have you here, dear!" The older woman smiled brightly now. "We had quite the nice day chatting and working, wouldn't you say?"

"We certainly did, I'm very thankful for that."

"Don't worry about all the talking though, if you just want to come to work in some quiet, that's fine by me as well! If we continue at this rate, it'll be the first year I finish all the work before terms starts back up!" With that, she suddenly seemed to remember something, and pulled the now very wrinkled piece of parchment Robin had given to her that morning out of the deepest corners of her robes. "Here, you should read it."

"I'm not sure Professor Snape would want me to…"

"But I want you to, and if he's got a problem with that, he's welcome to tell me about it. Because I have a thing or two to tell him in return, and I'm sure he wouldn't like that at all!" 

Robin took the note, and was absolutely determined that no matter how nice Professor Sprout could be, she also wasn't someone to pick a fight with. Not that Robin would've wanted to in the first place. "Thank you, professor."

"Now go on back in already, dinner will be served in a few!" 

With that Robin was gently shooed out of the greenhouse and into the cold evening air. It really was freezing… and her skin hurt even more from the cold wind. After spending all day in the greenhouse, she might as well be a pillar of ice at this point, and she barely had any feeling in the hand that was still clasping the note. As she realized that, she quickly dug both hands into the pockets of her robes in a vain attempt to gain some warmth, and broke into a light jog back into the cold warmth of the castle.

And how could it have been any different, the very person she ran into right in front of the doors to the great hall was none other than Professor Snape. Robin didn't feel like talking to him at the moment… him calling her a nuisance today after saying two months ago that she  _ wasn't _ a bother maybe had cut a little deeper than she would've liked.

"Miss Mitchell… I see your day in the greenhouse was quite… successful." He spoke before Robin could pretend to overlook him, and she bit back the unnecessary emotions as she turned towards him, finding him looking at the soil and dirt that had caught on her robes with a disgusted frown.

"Good evening, sir." She greeted politely, and just in case shoved the piece of parchment in her pocket a little further down. "It was indeed a small success, we finished quite a lot of work despite the cold. I probably learned more than I do in a month's worth of herbology classes."

"Good…" He mused, then raised an eyebrow in that feignedly condescending manner. "However that does not excuse your underwhelming state of dress."

Robin frowned, and looked down at the really quite dirty fabric of her robes and black jeans. Well, it could be worse… "I'm sorry, would you prefer me to change before dinner?" Her tone was just on the edge between a sincere question and sarcasm, as was her expression as she looked back up at Snape.

He of course didn't miss the subtones and glared at Robin for a second before he replied. "Don't bother." With two more muttered words from him that Robin couldn't even properly hear while standing directly in front of him, the dirt started breaking up into tiny particles before simply floating away like dust. She shot him a confused look.

"You represent the Slytherin house, and thereby also my own person. Your actions, choices and appearance should be reflective of that." He merely stated, as if it was good enough of an explanation, but seeing as Robin still looked questioning, he added in a rather harsh tone, "Would you have preferred your  _ peers  _ to mock you for digging in the dirt all day?"

"No…" Her reply was but a whisper, and she looked down to her feet in renewed shame. Why did he always have to be right? She hadn't even thought of what the others might say, and surely their reactions wouldn't have been all too kind if they knew Robin had willingly spent the entire day helping a professor. Children generally were too cruel to overlook something like that. Really, she should be thankful to Snape. Again. "I'm sorry, sir… I didn't mean to be such a nuisance." Aaaand it was out. Core of the problem, presented neatly on a silver plate because she just couldn't keep her mouth shut. Well done, Robin… Her cheeks heated up upon the pettiness of her own stupid feelings as much as the regret of allowing them to be voiced.

He didn't reply, but neither did he move away. After half a minute Robin felt irritated enough to look back up at him. To her surprise she wasn't met with a scowl or sheer annoyance, but with one of those oddly unreadable expressions that gave her a chill. She didn't want to be in this situation right now, didn't want to hear him say that she was indeed a nuisance, nor however that she wasn't. There had been no fault in saying that she would've been more nuisance than help, it probably was true as well, even if a bit harshly worded. But wasn't that exactly what she admired as well, his directness and honesty? The only fault here was her own. Her complete overreaction to the issue, her feeling hurt in the first place, her being childish about it. He'd told her to be better, and she would be just that right now by doing the most adult thing she could think of.

"That was inappropriate of me to say and I apologize for it." She spoke in her best game of neutrality as the giant bunch of confusing emotions finally let her lock them away behind her walls. For a little while at least. "And I thank you for making me aware of my situation as well as helping me out of it. I will see to it you shouldn't have to again." A pause of but three seconds, where Professor Snape frowned in irritation and Robin remained entirely calm as she went on. "I don't feel particularly hungry, so I will just return to the dormitories. Goodnight, professor."

As she turned around to walk off while she still could do so with some dignity, unsure if this _really_ was the adult thing to do or an even more childish one, his voice stopped her in her movement after but two steps. "It was indeed… _inappropriate_ to call you a nuisance in the first place, seeing as you clearly are not. You know that."

Had he really just admitted to having done something wrong? Was it too late to speak of Christmas miracles yet?? Robin turned back over her shoulder with a half smile at last, while the knowledge of the effort it clearly must've taken him to say this was already healing the bite of his previous words. "I know." 

Maybe it was just her being way too forgiving, too intruding, too invested in things that were none of her business once again, but somehow she felt like 'you know that' wasn't as much about his actual statement, but everything he  _ didn't _ say. Like he knew that Robin understood enough of his mysterious ways to realize that he sometimes didn't mean what he said. And she did. Whether he knew that or not.

"You might find it useful to consult the chapter on elemental alternations in this week's… _ private study _ , before returning to the greenhouse tomorrow. I believe it was on page 173…" He mused, gave Robin a pointed look, and then put on his signature scowl at last before making his (now belated) grande entrance to dinner.

Robin smiled, then frowned as she realized that she was smiling, but found herself unable to stop nonetheless. Damn, she wanted to be mad at him for once! But, of course, he wouldn't be Professor Snape if he ever let Robin have her way without an effort.

While she made her way down into the dungeons to actually return to her bedroom (the day truly had been delightfully exhausting), she couldn't resist the curiosity anymore and took advantage of everyone being at dinner to read the note meant for Professor Sprout.

_ Pomona. _

_ I am certain you know Miss Mitchell, as it truly is quite impossible not to notice her in class. I would like to ask you for the favor of allowing her to assist you with your practical work for the remainder of the holidays. She has a remarkable talent for potions, and I know for a fact that she knows more about herbology than you would expect of any second or even third year student. Whatever task you find yourself willing to give to her, I assure you she will try the utmost to fulfill it to perfection, and I advise you not to underestimate her and her capabilities. _

_ I would highly appreciate it if you could give her a challenge and an ear, seeing as I am currently hindered by paperwork and thus unable to do so myself. I intend to return the favor should the occasion arise. _

_ Severus _

Somewhere in the middle of reading the note, Robin had stopped walking and simply remained standing perfectly still right in the middle of the hallway as she read it again.  _ This  _ is what Snape thought of her?! Bloody hell, she really couldn't be mad at him now… But it wasn't the words of praise (which felt odd enough coming from him, seeing as he only ever scolded her), but foremost the undeniable kindness of the act itself that touched Robin deeply. She'd known he cared somehow, about all this students and their behavior, because he was the head of house and yada yada… but he actually  _ did  _ care, truly. That much was obvious to Robin now, at last… he had listened to her, and understood indeed. Not only her wish to do something useful with her time, but also her feeling of loneliness. Surely that was why Professor Sprout had made an effort to keep her talking today, because Snape had asked her to, and it actually had helped a great lot against the pent up loneliness. More than Robin had realized before just now. Having a task, and having someone she wasn't afraid or bored to talk to… that really had been everything she'd wanted, and that was what he'd given her. From now on, whoever dared to say that Professor Snape wasn't deep down a good person was destined to get a piece of mind from Robin.

Once she walked into her room, the first thing she did was to hide away the note, placing it with the not-really apology she had received last year and some other bits and pieces of significance in a small box she had used the same charm on as on the locket. Then she took off her robes, and grabbed her latest borrowed book from her nightstand before flipping it open to page 173. It was completely blank but for the page number. Robin frowned and flipped to the next page, where her eyes landed on the description of a spell that sounded a whole lot like what he had used to get the dirt off her clothes a short while ago. She rolled her eyes, but with a humored smile. For being her favorite professor, he really was quite insufferable. 

_______________

After happily spending the remainder of her Christmas break in the greenhouse, life upon the continuation of term had gone on quite uneventfully. She'd borrowed books from Snape as always, spent a little more time on deepening her herbology knowledge, and otherwise focused on the overall bother that was other classes.

It was only in the middle of May that  _ someone _ had the bright idea to do a workshop for students of all years on the art of duelling.  _ Someone _ , in this instance, being Professor Morgan, but as it seemed he had found some support among certain charms and transfiguration professors as well to set the whole thing up. Most of the professors seemed to be in favor of it, actually, with Professor Snape being one of the few exceptions. Robin knew with almost complete certainty that his issue wasn't the duelling itself, but rather Professor Morgan's involvement in it. Quite frankly, she shared the very same sentiment.

Robin had kept practicing attacks and defenses ever since Christmas break, as a balance to her solely academic efforts and more out of amusement than necessity, but she had thereby gotten quite far ahead of her classmates, who up to the point of the workshop's announcement likely hadn't even known that duelling existed as a sport. This certainly gave her an advantage, but she wasn't sure if she should be all too happy about the  _ coincidence _ of having a duelling workshop a few months after taking up practicing by herself. Maybe Professor Snape hadn't been the only one who had found out about her efforts after all… She hadn't exactly been subtle about it, if one considered all the times she'd been reading during meals or attacking trees on weekends. Maybe this entire thing simply was Morgan trying to get back at her for embarrassing him in front of the entire class. Or maybe she was just reading too much into it.

The workshop was set up for a Friday morning, which meant that for half of the second year students potions class would be cancelled for this sake, much to the dismay of two and the joy of twenty people. After breakfast that morning, the great hall was shortly remodeled into something that to Robin looked a great lot like a catwalk, and since classes were cancelled for everyone that day, both the entire student body and most of the staff was present and squeezed onto stands along the catwalk-thing. It really was quite the spectacle, almost like a small scale quidditch match that everybody wanted to be a witness of. While the workshop was mandatory for all year one to five students, the sixth and seventh years had been given the choice to attend if they fancied to, but as far as Robin could tell, nobody wanted to miss this event.

As she sat on a third row bench with her still closed book in her lap, she didn't actually expect too much of this thing today. Maybe a little entertainment if some of the older students went at it, but she wasn't too sure if anyone would be brave enough. Quietly, she let her eyes wander through the mixed crowd to see where all the people of (positive or negative) significance were seated. There was Professor Sprout, sitting with McGonagall on the stand directly across from Robin's, on the far left side of the rows. A bit to the right there was Theresa, who Robin actually still got along with in lessons, but never talked to outside of the classroom. Pity, really, but in the end their personalities just wouldn't quite make for a lasting friendship. A good few seats over was Alexander Downing, who surprisingly enough had stopped bothering Robin some time after the beginning of second year. Around him sat an entire clan of Slytherins, who Robin unfortunately knew, but luckily didn't have to bother with much. Most of the Ravenclaws students who had been her study buddies (until they hadn't even noticed Robin's absence since the beginning of term) were sitting to the far right, chatting among themselves and probably still gushing over Professor Morgan. Robin pulled a face involuntarily and let her eyes travel on, over some Slytherins she couldn't stand, the redhead who had escorted her to Dumbledore's office that one time… until at last they fell upon Professor Snape. He was sitting right in the middle, with some other professors, and looking quite as bored as Robin felt. The thought made her smile to herself, and when his eyes caught hers from across the room, her smile only broadened into a smirk. He rolled his eyes in return, but even from the distance Robin could see the not-smirk clearly on his face for a moment, before he set out to hide it. Good enough; her mood had brightened up quite a bit already. Seems like they both couldn't wait for some people to get their asses kicked.

A few minutes later (Robin had gone over to reading now) Professor Morgan started the workshop by giving a dull speech that Robin heard about half of, processed not more than a quarter of while she went on reading, and would remember even less from. Then he started with the first years. They still got some instructions, a bit of safe space and assistance, and then a few volunteers took turns duelling. Occasionally Robin looked up to see them awkwardly staring at each other, or she risked a look at Professor Snape to find him reading as well. Huh… she wasn't doing anything wrong by not paying attention then. 

After half an hour of the pretty much constant chattering of the spectators while the first years duelled, Morgan took on the word once more, explaining how they would now move on to the second year students with less of a safety net already. Robin didn't actually care, for the people in her grade weren't all that much better than the first years anyway. Not that she believed herself to be much better at this either, but she at least wasn't stupid enough to think she would be good at it. Or insane enough to volunteer.

"Our first volunteer will be Miss Robin Mitchell! Applause, if you will!" Morgan's cheerful voice barely made its way into Robin's mind as she focused on some oddly specific detail about a healing plant being used in a poisonous potion, but once the people around her started whispering even louder and some even nudged her in the shoulder, she slowly began to register what the bloody idiot up front had said.

"I… I don't want to volunteer." She blurted out before she could think better of it, as her heart made a leap before getting a head start on her mind in terms of speed.

"Don't be shy, I know how much you enjoy a good fight." The professor grinned at her with a mocking friendliness, and Robin recognized that she'd lost this round. The fight however was just getting started.


	10. Of Common Enemies - Part 5

As she rose to her feet with her book tightly hugged to her chest, she took a deep breath and pushed her emotions and anxiety into the back of her mind, before building her wall of neutrality. By the time she had climbed up onto the catwalk, she almost felt calm again. From what she saw, almost nobody was paying her attention anyway, and nobody could care less if she got her butt kicked or not. Most of the students as well as the teachers were chatting among themselves, and Robin got the impression that they were all waiting for the main act to begin once this warm-up game of the lower years was finally over. A quick glance told her that Professor Snape was still facing the book in his hands, but his eyes were following Robin through the room as she approached Morgan. Well, at least Snape would make sure that she didn't get killed. Probably.

"Up front at last… You can  _ read _ in your downtime." Professor Morgan drawled quietly, and grabbed the book out of Robin's hands a little too forcefully, only to toss it to Snape on the nearby stand with a mean sarcastic smile. Then he turned to the audience all around them. "Any volunteer who would like to try their luck against Miss Mitchell?"

Multiple hands rose immediately upon the question, most of them Slytherin students but also a few others, and Robin sighed to herself. So much for spending the day reading… despite her walls, she still felt subtly embarrassed that Morgan had given her book to Snape. That had been such a petty move yet again, and probably only meant to mess with her nerves. However keeping the anxiety away was working rather well at the moment, and Robin drew her wand out of her sleeve before taking on the position she knew was expected of her, without actually listening to Morgan speaking. It didn't matter that she hadn't chosen to be here. She  _ was _ here now, and she would try her very best to go against whoever Morgan could set her up with. Whoever his choice might fall onto, he surely wouldn't pick in her favor.

A Slytherin boy of her grade jumped onto the catwalk then, with a menacing sneer directed at Robin, and she heard quite a few people rooting for him rather audibly. Her face however remained in perfect neutrality, even as they stood right in front of each other and then made their ways to their respective ends of the catwalks after Professor Morgan had explained the procedure Robin already was familiar with. 

"Prepare yourselves!" Morgen called to them over the quite significant noise around them, and Robin took on the stance she had practiced. Maybe practicing on real life people would have been better than perfectly still trees… It didn't matter now. The very moment Morgan had stepped off the catwalk and gave the go, Robin sent her opponent flying through the room before he'd even gotten out a word. Well… that had been surprisingly easy. 

The chattering around her got quieter for a moment, then picked back up. The boy on the other side of the catwalk sat back up, groaning in pain before lying right back down, and Morgan awkwardly got back into his place in the middle. "Well, it seems we have a winner." Very mild applause followed. "Would anyone else like to go against Miss Mitchell, seeing as we were done so very… timely?"

The hands that were still risen now were more reluctant, and mostly coming from students in higher years. Robin was pretty sure that she would get her ass kicked now, but at least she hadn't gone down right in the first round. That would've been rather embarrassing. While Morgan picked her next opponent, Robin risked a side glance at Snape. He had closed his book and was following the ongoings with very much feigned indifference now, which Robin could only tell because she figured that if he actually wouldn't care, he would still be reading. 

"Next up is Miss Augustine against Miss Mitchell! I have… taken the liberty to pick an opponent from a higher grade, that surely is alright with you, isn't it, Mitchell?" Morgan asked with another bright smile, but didn't actually wait for an answer before he stepped aside once again. "Prepare yourselves… and go!"

The older girl was faster in her attack than Robin's last opponent had been, but Robin could block it off fairly easily with a spell that reflected whatever had been thrown at her, which in return caused the other girl to take a tumble. Just as Robin believed it already was over again, her opponent fired the same thing as before at Robin while still on the ground, making Robin fall on her behind too, rather harshly. In her shock at actually getting knocked off her feet for the very first time, she didn't bother getting up, and threw a fairly impulsive petrifying spell at the Gryffindor girl who had just risen back to her feet. Too slow to block, the girl froze with a surprised face, and then fell to the ground stiff as a pillar with a dull thud. 

While Robin quickly got back onto her own two feet, she looked around with a hint of insecurity on her mind that actually did reflect in her face for now. She hadn't exactly paid attention to the rules of this specific event, and didn't know how far she was allowed to go, or if maybe she could even use that one spell she had discovered by accident… but as of yet, nobody complained. Indeed, the chattering had died down a little further now as the older girl was being carried off the catwalk, and Morgan stepped back into the middle.

"Uh, well… what a surprise! Seems like Miss Mitchell has had a bit of practice beforehand! Who would like to go against her next?" His voice was still too bright, but it had gotten so shallow that most people probably could tell that he was very much irritated by this turn of events.

Robin herself smoothed out her robes, and stared at a spot on the ground. It was odd, going against real people… She wanted to win, but she also was scared of accidentally hurting them. Also, it was quite hard to believe that she had already won two fights in a row without any prior experience. Sure, she had  _ knowledge _ , but not experience. It really was the same thing that she'd observed while working in the greenhouse with Sprout… knowing something and doing something were quite far from each other at most times. But, obviously, knowledge without experience already sufficed to have an advantage over experience without knowledge. Still, she didn't want to believe quite yet that she was actually any good at this. The people who volunteered for this pathetic show of pride likely weren't those who actually were any good at it, and those who were good at it probably didn't have any interest in going against an inexperienced second year. 

That assessment of the situation was only supported by the performance of the next person she went against, a fourth year with a superior look on his face even before the flight started, and who then couldn't even think of more than the same two spells which he fired at Robin continuously. She blocked them all without much effort, but didn't attack in return while he only grew more and more aggressive in his own attack. Eventually after a few minutes, when he needed two seconds to catch his breath, Robin saw her chance and sent him flying in the same manner as the first boy. He hit his head rather harshly on the wooden catwalk, and stayed down just like the others before him. 

Alright, this was getting ridiculous… Robin didn't want to make it look like she even remotely knew what she was doing. The only reason why she was still up here and refusing to lose was because she didn't want Morgan to  _ see _ her losing. Well, neither did she want Snape to see her losing, but that was a whole different issue.

The next person she went against was a sixth year, and Robin actually felt a little concerned. This guy should have triple the knowledge AND experience she did, and probably a whole different motivation to win, if one could go by the group of giggling girls in the ranks. If he actually sent an attack her way, she was pretty sure that she would go down immediately. Well… she still had no intention of admitting her loss to Morgan, thus she would have to simply be faster than this boy. As they each got into their respective ends, Robin already planned what she would do, and as soon as the go was given, she set it to action. Before her opponent could open his mouth to voice a probably very clever attack, Robin simply sent a very fast  _ immobile  _ at him, and his mouth stayed hanging open from his attempt to speak. After that, a simple  _ expelliarmus  _ sufficed to demonstrate that she could've used any choice of harmful attack instead. Honestly, she was mostly surprised that this had worked. While what she'd done in the beginning was solely the defense and attack spells she'd read about when studying duelling, she slowly discovered that it actually was the use of non-native spells that gave her an advantage. And fast thinking, but that wasn't really something she had studied for.

While the sixth year was freed from Robin's spell and led off the catwalk, Professor Morgan once more asked for volunteers to go against Robin, however this time nobody raised their hand. As Robin studied the audience, it appeared that people had split into two patterns of behavior: those who still seemed ineffably bored and disinterested (and who likely were the ones that were any good at this in the first place) and those who had stopped chattering in order to watch the quite unique show of a second year beating up student after student with the most basic spells. That however also meant that a lot more people were watching her now, and Robin felt uncomfortably put on display. Still no volunteer, and she started feeling awkward up there on the catwalk while Morgan tried everything to encourage the students. No chance… the show-offs were scared of possibly embarrassing themselves by losing against her, and the talented people didn't care enough to try.

" _ Fine… _ " Morgan finally announced loudly, and Robin had the faint hope that he would send her back to her seat. But oh, was she wrong. "If nobody sees themselves fit to face a  _ second year… _ I will."

Robin's jaw dropped quite literally, as did a few others in the audience room. Was he actually being serious about this?! As Robin made her way to the middle of her unfortunate pedestal for the usual procedure to begin, she couldn't quite suppress all of her anxiety anymore, not even close, but she kept an indifferent face nonetheless. This really must be a bloody joke… Even if Morgan wasn't all that good at magic, Robin still was only a second year student and he a stupid and irresponsible professor who had already hurt her quite a bit once, and gone on to try a second time as well. Geez… now was his third chance.

"Don't worry, Miss Mitchell, I will not be all too hard on you." He grinned at Robin, and she had to resist the urge to roll her eyes as she stood directly in front of him now. Maybe she just had to make the best of this yet again.

"May I make use of one of my own spells, sir?" Robin asked sweetly, feigning a smile as she spoke.

"Is it in any form harmful to the bystanders, or lethal to the person attacked with it?"

"Not at all, sir."

"Then I don't see why you would want to use it in the first place, but go ahead and use it if you fancy." He shrugged, and waved Professor Flitwick over to be the replacement judge for the unusual fight. 

Meanwhile, Robin's eyes sought out Professor Snape in the crowd, only to find him staring at Morgan with that grave look of danger he'd already worn that night in the hallway last year. While she was looking at the crowds already, she discovered that now almost every person in the room was curiously observing the spectacle in the middle. Observing Robin. 

"This might not be the playground fight you're used to, Mitchell, but I expect you to give your very best." Morgan said with a truly mocking tone now. "And Mitchell… don't hold back. There's little you can do that would harm me." With that he bowed and Robin did it likewise, before turning away and heading into their respective ends. 

Bloody hell bloody hell bloody hell… she needed a strategy. She didn't really believe that Morgan would harm her, not seriously at least, but she also couldn't have him talk to her like that and get away without a scratch at least. She knew however that her chances at bettering him were very limited. Maybe she would use her accidental spell creation after all… She'd really only stumbled across it because she'd been curious. After new year's, she just hadn't been able to get Snape's comment about attacking a mirror out of her head, and sooner or later she had researched a spell for creating a mirror outside (so she wouldn't have to carry it from the castle all the way to the lake) and tried it out for herself. The result of her researched spell in combination with a mixup with a duelling spell… had been quite fascinating, and not really what she had expected.

Upon the call to ready herself, Robin took on her most confident stance, and upon the go, she already spoke the broadest overall defense spell she knew before she even heard Morgan mutter a word. However she was very right to do so, as an infinitely short amount of time later a spell came crashing against her defense and almost made her trip over. Wow… he clearly wasn't holding back either. 

Robin used the second of surprise on Morgan's part about not having hit Robin right on the first attempt to send a short row of attacks his way in return, which obviously he blocked with ease. But he waited after that, not attacking immediately like some of the students, actually all of the students, had. This probably was where the experience came in. Robin kept the words for a defense on her lips as she decided to wait as well, taking a fairly reluctant step forward, in the knowledge that sooner or later Morgan's hatred for her would force him to act. The room around them was almost dead silent, you could've heard a pin drop, as everyone was watching the absolutely unfair duel between a thirteen year old and a thirty year old. However as of yet, Robin was still standing, and she was determined to stay that way as long as she could. A moment later her guess proved to be right, as the professor sent a rather colourful row of attacks Robin's way, some with and some without words. Robin blocked some of them, and impulsively decided to simply physically dodge a few others. Just because nobody ever did that didn't mean it didn't work, right? And she could focus on getting the few spells she knew right without having to lose quality due to pace.

Morgan seemed surprised at that once more. Almost five minutes had passed, and Robin was still there. If that wasn't something, at least… She carefully studied his features, finding the surprise followed by anger and an obvious slipping of patience. Not good… As he raised his wand for what seemed to become a fairly brutal attack, Robin knew that it was time for her own little spell. Either it would work like she believed it to, or she would wake up in the hospital wing. Either was fine if it meant finally getting out of this stupid fight.

" _ Spectulo contemplari! _ " Robin got out a broken second before Morgan could voice his own spell, and immediately a sleek silver surface separated Professor Morgan from Robin herself. It spanned almost the size of a normal size wall, and reflected whatever lay on both sides like a mirror. Thus it was that Robin only saw her own messed up hair and blotchy face being thrown back at her instead of whatever was happening on the other side of the mirror wall. However seeing as Morgan  _ had  _ voiced his spell and yet it had not reached Robin, her plan truly seemed to have worked. That thesis was strongly supported by a loud thud, and a groan coming from the other side. A fair amount of gasps and giggles filled the room, and she allowed herself a brief smile of relief upon that. But it soon faded when she heard rather than saw magic being thrown against her mirror wall violently, and she took on a defensive stance once more. She had no idea how long the wall would throw Morgan's spells back at him before it broke under the assault, but she wanted to be prepared nonetheless. Soon enough the cracking sound of not-quite glass was to be heard, and as Robin moved to speak her defense, she already saw the fury filled eyes of her professor instead of her own, followed by a flash of red light. Then, everything was black.

… … … 

If there ever had been something like an essence of headaches, Robin was sure that it was this exactly which had been given to her, as she opened her eyes with a groan. Her eyelids felt heavy like someone had clipped weights to them, and her head was throbbing so desperately that she couldn't even tell if there was anything else hurting in her body. But a headache at least meant she wasn't dead yet, and as she finally could will her eyes to open enough to actually see something, that suspicion was confirmed. She was lying in a bed in the hospital wing, for all she could tell, and the light of the candles on her nightstand felt like daggers to her brain. With another groan, she closed her eyes again. But the little relief this brought was taken right away again once the painful light was replaced by painful sound.

"Miss Mitchell! Good to have you back at last…" Madam Pomfrey's voice sent a new dagger through Robin's skull. "How are you feeling?"

"Sore." Robin croaked out in return, feeling like her throat had been sore indeed for weeks. "The light hurts."

"Nah, if you can sit up for a moment, I can give you something to take the headache and sensitivity away."

"Sure…" Robin sighed as she forced her eyes open once more and then scooted herself into a sitting position to still more or less blindly take the cup from the healer and gulp down whatever was in it. Tasted quite horrible… but after a few seconds the most urgent pain in her head, throat and eyes decreased, however not without making room for a new soreness of her body. With a small frown Robin took in the darkness of the room for a while, then looked back at the healer standing by her side. "Is it still Friday?"

"Well, yes… It  _ is  _ Friday, but it's been a week since you were brought here."

"A  _ week? _ !" Robin gasped, staring at Madam Pomfrey incredulously. She did feel a little stiff, admittedly, but a week?!  _ How?!  _ "I can't have been sleeping for a week!"

"You were unconscious, not sleeping. But from what I was told, it actually is surprisingly early for you to be back up, considering what happened to you!"

"What… did happen to me, exactly?" A deep nervousness settled in the pit of Robin's stomach, as she merely remembered flashes of her fight with Professor Morgan. Had that pillock seriously sent her into a coma for a week?!

"I wasn't there to witness the incident, but from what they told me, you got hit by a spell meant for game hunting during that silly duelling workshop."

"...Game hunting?" Robin's eyes, her voice, her expression, everything was a perfect representation of her sheer incredulity. Was this a joke?!

"You know, hunting boar and stag and-"

"I  _ know  _ what game hunting is!" Robin groaned and rested her head back into her pillow with enough force to create a new headache. After staring up at the dark ceiling, she spoke on in a much calmer voice. "Sorry, I didn't mean to snap…"

"Don't fret, I am used to far worse from you Slytherins."

"I'm not like them." She said more to herself than to Madam Pomfrey, but also didn't mind her possibly hearing.

"You should rest now. As I said, your waking was quite a bit earlier than expected, and your body still needs to recover from the internal bleedings. Is there someone you would like me to notify of your bettering state?"

"No… I think sleep will do me better than company at the moment." Also, Robin knew of no one who would actually care.

"Well, that's a first!" The healer let out a surprised laugh as she gathered the cup from Robin's nightstand. "Usually I am the one to tell you lot that."

"Told you I'm not like them…" Robin sighed as she was left to herself, likely being expected to sleep, but she remained sitting for a moment nonetheless. Her eyes wandered through the dark room, taking in a few other occupied beds, some surrounded by vases of flowers and treats, others quite as sterile as hers. Maybe she wasn't the only one in Hogwarts without friends… actually, very likely she wasn't the only one. A school housing that many people just was prone to have more than one loner (professors excluded from Robin's mental statistics, for now). As she laid down to get some sleep indeed, she thought that if today was Friday she must've missed two defense against the dark arts classes. The thought made her smile. However as she realized that on the flip side of that she had also missed potions, she buried her face in the pillow with a groan and forced her mind to stay blank until she fell asleep at last.

… … … 

The next morning turned out to be a lot less painful in terms of waking up, however a lot more annoying in terms of company. Robin was rather suddenly ripped out of her sleep by Madam Pomfrey, and she was still hazed by sleep when she was told that she would be getting visitors in a few moments. While Robin honestly couldn't imagine who would come to visit her, especially this early on a Quidditch Saturday, she also didn't want to look like a total mess to whoever it might be. Thus she sat up a little too quickly for it not to hurt, then somewhat fixed her hair and finally rubbed the tiredness out of her face as good as she could. Half a minute later she saw that it had been well worth her effort, as an entire  _ brigade _ of professors came heading her way.  _ Great…  _

"Good morning, Miss Mitchell." Professor Dumbledore was the first to speak up as the (admittedly) small group came to stand at the end of Robin's bed. If the headmaster himself had made time to show up at her bedside, this surely would be interesting at least. "It was… reported to me, that you were awake. I hope this is not an unfortunate time?"

"Good morning… everyone." Robin replied a little awkwardly, looking from Dumbledore to McGonagall, to Morgan, to Snape and Madam Pomfrey at last. Why exactly were all these professors here in the first place…? Anyway, she would have to talk to them now. "It's as good a time as any. I mean, of course it's not unfortunate!" Could she be any more awkward? It was too early for this… her mind needed to wake up first.

"Madam Pomfrey has assured me that your health should allow a conversation, but we all shall see to it that this visit will be kept quick." Dumbledore said, with a diplomatic smile at Robin first and then a peculiar look at Morgan. "Go right ahead, Professor."

With a clearly feigned smile, Professor Morgan took a step forward, and Robin tensed up instinctively as he spoke up. "I would like to apologise to you, Miss Mitchell. My actions during last week's duelling workshop were, by all means, irresponsible and inappropriate." His words were as forced as his apologetic expression, and likely every single person in the room was aware of that as well. "It should have been  _ obvious  _ to me that a duel against a student, a mere second year student at that, was HIGHLY unfair. I apologize for letting myself get… carried away."

Too many eyes were on Robin then, expecting her to accept the apology and smile like a good girl would, and she felt like she had no other choice. Dumbledore might mean well in having Morgan apologize like a little kid, but in reality this was only making things much worse. Morgan would hate her even more for this, and Robin would only suffer more in return. Her only hope was that Morgan might lay low for a while after this, out of fear to get caught once again. That however didn't help her now. He hadn't even apologised for hurting her, or sending her into a freaking coma for a week… only for picking a fight with her despite being 'obviously superior'. Bloody bullshit. And while she couldn't tell him that, she certainly could play along.

"Thank you for the apology, professor." Robin replied with a diplomatic smile she borrowed from Dumbledore for the occasion. "I also would like to apologise. I hope my actions didn't lead to you getting hurt all too badly."

And while there definitely was a quiet snort coming from someone in the room, Robin couldn't tell who had been the origin. Her eyes were solely fixed on Morgan's, and she watched his pasty facade quake and falter as she herself wore innocence like a second skin.

"No, in fact, I am quite alright." Morgan chirped in a cutting tone. "Which, until just recently, couldn't be said about you in return."

"And whose fault is that?" Snape hissed lowly in an immediate reply, glaring daggers at Morgan who took an instinctive step backwards and thus away from both Robin and Snape.

"Now, now, Severus… I think now that Miss Mitchell is recovering, it is time to move on and forget this unfortunate accident." Dumbledore intervened before another hospital bed could get a new occupant. "However while unfortunate indeed, we all shall make sure that it is not forgotten, and we  _ learn  _ something out of it." The last part was spoken with another pointed glance at Professor Morgan, who finally gave up his act and scowled openly.

"If I am not mistaken, Damion, you mentioned an urgent appointment you have to attend to today. As you put it, this visit already delays you almost unfashionably… and seeing as we are done here, I'm sure you will be kindly excused." McGonagall spoke up after a short moment of uncomfortable silence, and Robin didn't miss the dismissive subtone. Why did this feel so much like she was kicking him out? Robin didn't mind one bit, though.

"Yes, ah, you're quite right, Minerva." He changed back from scowl to smile in an instant. "If you would indeed excuse me… headmaster, Severus…" With one look at each man, Morgan turned on his heel and almost fled from the room. Robin let out an audible sigh once the door had closed behind him. 

"It appears to me, Miss Mitchell, that you and Professor Morgan have quite the…  _ mutual distaste _ for each other. Did I assess that correctly?" Dumbledore said a moment later and drew Robin's attention back towards him.

"Yes." She replied without even a hinch of embarrassment, which actually surprised her a little bit herself. 

"Well? No excuses?" McGonagall asked with a risen eyebrow, but she sounded surprised rather than scolding, which only assured Robin in her eerie calm that she still didn't quite understand why she had it in the first place. Maybe Madam Pomfrey had given her some drugs that were only now kicking in, or she'd hit her head a little harder than she'd been told… but she just didn't feel like giving half truths right now.

"Professor Dumbledore didn't ask for my excuses, I believe… only if he's correct about the mutual dislike between Professor Morgan and me. To which the answer was a simple yes. There's not more to it. If you were hoping for me to elaborate however, I can assure you that I have none and never had the intention to act upon my dislike. I don't want to be disrespectful, no matter what he thinks about me, but I quite frankly refuse to take all of his acts without reacting within the boundaries he has set himself." 

"I see." Dumbledore answered with a humored smile that mainly confused Robin (she hadn't said anything funny, had she?), while McGonagall simply looked at Robin like the girl had grown a second head. But it was Dumbledore who continued. "Thank you for your honesty, Robin, it is sometimes hard to come by in this castle and therefore all the more appreciated. I hope you will have fully recovered from this unpleasantry soon." With that he bowed his head a little, smiled, and made his way out as well. That still left Snape and McGonagall, with the latter still looking too surprised for words. 

Thus it was Professor Snape who now moved to place the book she'd been reading last week on her nightstand, again in perfect neutrality and without the daggers from minutes ago in his eyes. "We wouldn't want you to miss out on your education while stuck in here, would we now?"

"Of course not, sir." Robin smiled up at him in appreciation. He likely could guess that Robin would be bored out of her mind if she was stuck in here until tomorrow, but of course he would never admit to actually doing something nice out of his own interest. So why not blame it on education, sure.

"Once you are well enough, you will have to  _ enlighten _ me about that spell creation of yours…" He mused with another look at Robin, and a tiny not-smirk, then turned to McGonagall. "I believe we have a game of Quidditch to attend."

As they made their way out of the infirmary, Robin barely picked up on McGonagall asking, "Did  _ you _ teach her to speak in cryptic remarks like that, Severus?!", before the doors finally fell shut behind them as well.

As Robin flipped the newly regained book open a few minutes later, she almost wasn't even surprised anymore to find another small piece of parchment falling into her lap. With a smile on her face, she scanned the spidery handwriting.

_ You did NOT hear this from me under any circumstance and you will not tell a single soul about it either: You won the duel against Morgan. He used multiple spells that were clearly against the set of rules, and thus he was disqualified subsequently, in private by the headmaster himself. You were better indeed. - Snape _

Robin's grin took over her entire face, but she just couldn't help it. This was amazing, even if no one could ever know about it. Snape and Dumbledore knew, she knew, and Morgan knew, and that was enough for now. It might only be a formality that led her to win in the end, or rather his mistake of being a cheating idiot, but she at least could happily live in the knowledge that she had NOT lost to Morgan. Oh, she really couldn't wait to tell Snape all about her mirror spell indeed. Perhaps he would actually be proud of her for once.


	11. Secrets - Part 1

To be honest, Robin had been quite glad once her second year at Hogwarts had come to an end. After the workshop, things had been odd for the remaining month of the school year, as almost everyone knew of Robin's duel with Professor Morgan, however almost nobody knew that it was her who had won in the end. Thus, it's needless to say that Robin had fallen victim to even more mocking comments, doubtful glances and evading behaviors. Morgan may have lost the fight, but he surely had succeeded in his overall mission to get revenge on Robin for his own embarrassment, even if not entirely in the way he had planned to. All Robin could really hope was that people would forget over summer, like they usually tended to forget mostly everything that had happened the previous school year. Education included.

Summer, once more, was the essence of dreadful with a subtle touch of heat induced madness. While England surely wasn't the hottest place during the summer months, it already sufficed to almost drive Robin insane and make her daydream about her lovely cold dungeons back at Hogwarts. In an attempt to do something not completely useless, she spent most of the summer in the local university's library, or taking day trips by herself to other cities or even the coast. Her parents, unsurprisingly, were more than happy to supply Robin with however much money she needed for these solo-activities of hers, as long as she promised to be back before dinner and not to take things from strangers.

Sure, it was perfectly normal to let your 13-year-old travel the country by herself… but Robin only would've cut into her own flesh if she'd mentioned any of those thoughts. They probably were just glad that she kept herself busy in the first place and thus didn't force them to find ways to entertain her, leave alone take vacation from work.

During one of those day trips, in the middle of summer and long before school would resume, Robin visited Diagon Alley to browse the stores for interesting books and other things she could make use of. While her book hunt resulted in the spending of her leftover Christmas money (which she had received only upon her return home for the summer, seeing as she hadn't been home for Christmas itself and her parents were strictly against sending money in the 'post'), Robin also tried one of the candies that were for sale in some of the stores. It tasted quite horrible, but led to the idea to bring some  _ proper _ candy to Hogwarts for the next term, not only the weird magical stuff they sold on the train. They recently had made Twirl chocolate into twin bars, and Robin still felt excited about it. So that idea was born, and a month and a half later also executed when Robin packed about a third of her trunk with clothes, then almost two thirds of it with books and other necessities, and the remaining space with Twirl bars. Maybe if she showed them to the house elves in the kitchens, they might be able to find something similar for her in the future.

… … … 

Term started the very same way it had the last two years as well, with lots of assignments and a therefore overcrowded library.

To her great relief Robin had been right, people _ had  _ mostly forgotten about last year's incidents, but that still didn't make her feel any less uncomfortable being around the other students. Every time she turned around, she felt like eyes were quickly averted; every time she left a room, she was sure to hear her name whispered in quiet words of judgement; every time she answered a question in class, she knew that at least one person rolled their eyes. At last she believed she'd simply gone mad, or paranoid, while the truth more than likely was that she simply had gotten so used to being alone over the summer that being around so many people at once now, literally all the time, just came equal to a constant internal petrification. 

Somehow, Robin had expected it to simply sort itself out eventually. But every night she sat in the Slytherin common room, in the most desolate corner possible, and first years were running all over the place on one end and upperclassmen snogging off in some corners elsewhere, she felt just impossibly close to bursting. Her skin would start crawling uncomfortably, she wouldn't be able to focus on anything but the loud voices of people laughing and talking, and her heart would start beating faster and faster until she felt so hot even in the dungeons at night that she could feel cold sweat running down her back in return. The first week that had passed like this, Robin had blamed it on not being used to being around people anymore and thus simply forced herself to re-accustom herself to it. The second week, when nothing had changed, she had gone straight to her bedroom, even though it had been near impossible to study or read there either, even with fewer people she despised around her. 

It was only in the third week that she finally had enough of the existential dread that would haunt her once it got closer to the evenings, and thus she decided that if her mind refused to readapt, she would have to adapt her behavior in return. That is why on a Tuesday night, after dinner, Robin took all of her necessary books and assignments and sat down in one of the darkest corners of the most desolate hallways to do her work. She didn't want to be questioned why she was sitting here on the dirty ground to do her work, nor about why she was doing it  _ now  _ instead of when the library opened back up in the morning… she simply didn't feel like answering any of the questions that surely would be thrown at her if she was found. But here, in a desolate hallway, her heart at least beat at a normal pace and she could focus without being distracted every two seconds. It was calm, and quiet, and not filled with idiots, and Robin couldn't think of another (open) room in the castle that fulfilled these three basic requirements at the moment. So she sat there and scribbled away in her notebooks, using a mere  _ lumos _ as a light source for her work. Once she was done, at roughly around midnight, she retrieved her spread out supplies and, as quietly as she could, made her way back to her dorm. That had really been the first productive night of the term.

While Robin was aware of the fact that she still had that staying-out-past-curfew permission from Snape, she actually wasn't all too sure that it still counted for this year as well, seeing as a new term usually meant a clean start in almost all regards. And she simply didn't want to risk anything, especially not getting robbed of her newly found workspace. For the rest of the week, Robin went into that hallway to study every single evening, and didn't once meet anyone who would question her about it. 

Only on the Sunday night that marked the end of the third week, she decided to try staying in the common room once more, seeing as all she planned to do was reading in her newest borrowed book. And she couldn't hide away in the hallway to do her work forever after all, it was only meant to be a short-term solution to her focus issue. Surely she could just work on not being so easily annoyed by everyone and everything, or get her neutrality game on again to make the anxious feeling go away. But seriously, why on earth was the stupid common room so freaking small if literally all students of the  _ entire  _ Slytherin house were expected to hang around here every single night after dinner?!

Robin kept her eyes on the page, a deep frown creasing her forehead as she was still determined to focus. Some first year bumped against her arm and Robin dropped her book as a result of that, which lead her to angrily glare at the child while she picked the book back up. She had to read the same sentence again. Someone was eating an apple somewhere close by… the sound was annoying. She read the sentence again. A fit of laughter. She had to read the sentence  _ again _ . Was it getting warmer in here? Robin couldn't even hear her own thoughts. Everyone seemed so happy… why couldn't she feel happy like that? Her chest felt tight at the drowned thought, and a desperate wish to shout at everyone in the room at the top of her lungs stirred somewhere within her mind.

She flipped the book shut, probably too loudly going by the looks she was getting from a few nearby people now, and walked out of the room so determinedly that only the pace rendered it a walk instead of a run. She didn't slow down once she'd left the common room behind. She didn't slow down either as she crossed the dark dungeon hallways and jogged up the spiral staircase. She didn't care if anyone saw her. She just had to get out.

At last, in the safety of the nightly courtyard, she slowed down to a stop and closed her eyes. Well, what a dramatic overreaction that had been… she had surely made a fool out of herself. People would think her even more weird and crazy now. But… she also shuddered at the mere thought of going back and pretending like she had merely gone to the bathroom for a moment. It was only half past nine, and that meant she would have to wait a whole lot longer until the common room would clear up even a little.  _ Great _ .

Her heart was still beating a little too hard for comfort, and thus she slowly walked around the courtyard, into the arcades, down some hallways, up some hallways, and before she knew, she was back in her study spot of the previous week. Well, why change a working system, right?

With a sigh she sat down, crossed her legs and leaned against the wall as she opened her book once more. This was way better… and yet she had the feeling that this had gone far too well for far too long. Someone  _ had  _ to find her here, eventually, and somehow she knew that this moment would be today. And yet, somehow, she didn't care. Couldn't care, rather, as there literally wasn't any other place she could hide right now that didn't drive her nuts entirely. And it turned out she was very much right, unfortunately, only very much wrong about who would find her.

"Miss Mitchell. I'm not at all surprised." Professor Morgan was the unfortunate intruder to Robin's little calm space. "Get up."

Robin didn't complain, didn't even fight his command, but simply rose to her feet and followed him as he walked ahead and motioned for her to follow. However, as uncharacteristic as it seemed, he made no efforts to talk, or put on a facade, or even get her into any kind of trouble. He simply led her down into the dungeons, through the darkness and only stopped once he stood in front of a room Robin had never been in before. Yet she very well knew what lay behind the closed door, and thus it surprised her even more that Morgan had led her here. He knocked, and a few seconds later the door flew open to reveal a rather annoyed looking Professor Snape. 

"What?!" He snapped at Morgan rather indignantly, and only after a few heartbeats he seemed to see that Robin was standing behind the defense against the dark arts professor. His expression went through a hailstorm of barely-even-there emotions for but a second, then it hardened ineffably. "What did he do?" He asked with an inquiring look at Robin, while completely ignoring the other man in between them.

"Nothing." Robin replied almost calmly, giving Morgan a quick look just in time to see him rolling his eyes.

"I found  _ your  _ student lurking around the hallways." Morgan said then, rising his eyebrows at Snape in the kind of condescending manner that seemed to be a bad imitation of the other man's speciality.

"And?" Snape still seemed utterly unimpressed, and Robin almost would've snorted had she not bitten the insides of her cheeks.

"Well, since it seems to have escaped your notice, it's two hours past curfew!" Morgan snapped right back.

"And it appears to have escaped  _ your  _ notice that Miss Mitchell has been excepted from that rule for over a year now. So if you  _ kindly  _ could refrain from making such a fuss…" Snape muttered, then looked at Robin once more and motioned for her to get into the room, which she complied to immediately, a second before the door was thrown shut behind her, right into Morgan's face. While Snape moved right past her and basically ignored her presence from then on, Robin took a moment to study her surroundings.

The room actually was a lot smaller than she had imagined it to be. 'The Potion Master's private laboratory' somehow sounded like more than merely a small space less than the size of her dorm room. Still, it had shelves on all four walls –which were stacked entirely with even more odd ingredients–, a fireplace, then two longish tables in the middle of the room and a lonely barstool. Well, and a stack of books that didn't really look like they belonged here though. That was it.

"What, exactly, was your business in the hallways at this time?" Snape inquired then, and Robin's eyes moved from the preserved and bottled animal parts to her professor.

"I thought you said I had your permission to be out of bed at this time…" Robin frowned in irritation, but also a little fascination as she watched him move around the limited space. Granted, there was more than enough room for her to stand at double an appropriate distance, but she still felt like she was invading his space.

"Yes, and if you would like to keep it, you better start telling me what you were doing that made it possible for Morgan to find you." He kept working as he spoke, and Robin had no choice but to keep watching him as she replied.

"I was reading your book." She started, holding up the black tome in her hand for a moment for him to see. "I did nothing wrong, only sat in an empty hallway in the darkness and read. Quietly."

"Care to elaborate?"

"Not particularly."

"I insist."

"Alright…" She sighed and resisted the to urge to roll her eyes. He really never settled for anything less than the entire truth, and she would grant him that. But only the parts she understood herself. "I have been working in that one dark corner in the first floor east corridor for the past week. After… the library and studyhalls were closed."

"Why not do your work during the day like everyone else?"

"I have enough work to last me the entire day."

"And why is that?"

"Why are you asking so many questions, sir?"

"Answer. The. Question."

"I just… find more work once I'm done with the simple stuff. It's not like I've got anything else to do." Robin shrugged. "I read your books and do my assignments. Then I take notes and study for tests. And then I read more books."

"And why would you prefer to study at night?"

"It's easier to think at night. Calmer… easier to focus. I can work way better."

"How… curious."

"You think? Every time I happen to run into you after curfew, you happen to be working, too." Robin mused and averted her eyes at last to inspect the ingredients once more. Oh, how she'd love to walk around and have a closer look… she'd read about so many of them. But she stayed at the door, respectfully waiting to be told what to do next, while not quite so respectfully watching him work once again.

It was curious, really, that it had never appeared to her before how  _ good  _ he actually was at his work. Not the teaching, not really, but potion making. Sure, he was the potions professor and supposed to know something about his trait if he taught it to others, but if one only looked at Morgan, it was clear that being a professor for a subject didn't necessarily promise proficiency as a requirement for the job. Still, Robin had definitely expected Snape to be quite extraordinary at this, judging by his comments in class, his books, his knowledge… but she had never actually seen him making a potion before. Watching him working now, Robin felt reminded of watching an intricate dance, or listening to a piece of music. It really was curious, how she simply couldn't look away.

"You say Professor Morgan brought you to me without any further incidents?" Snape asked after a moment, seemingly ignoring Robin's previous comment, but she hadn't exactly expected anything else after such a long moment of silence.

"Yes… he barely said a word, actually."

"Good. Do you still possess the permit I gave to you last term?"

"Yup." She held up her locket in return, as if that would prove anything, and only upon his frown did she realize that her gesture likely didn't mean anything to him. That… was embarrassing. She quickly dropped her hand to her side again and stared at the empty table a bit further into the room. "I mean… yes, I still have it."

"In that case, I would ask you to make use of it the next time you venture around the castle at night. Preferably before another colleague of mine comes knocking on my door and distracts me from my work."

"Yes, sir. I'm sorry."

"Tell me, do you intend to continue studying in the hallways at night?" Now that question was most certainly more born from curiosity than forged by disapproval.

"Uhm, I… actually, I don't. I mean, I didn't really… intend to study there in the first place, but… it just ended up happening. I… no, I won't study in the hallway again." She said before she really could think it through. Where else would she go? Staying in the common room seemed like an odd lot of trouble to go through just to once again not disappoint Snape. But as always, she would still try for exactly that sake.

"Then I believe we are done here." He sounded almost calm, content even, which was unusual but not at all unwelcome. "You are free to go."

Maybe it was yet again the time of night that made Robin stupid, or the fact that she at last felt calm again after the strange anxiety she had experienced in the common room, but the words left her mouth before she could swallow them down again. "May I… stay, for another moment?" In an instant Snape looked up from his cauldron and right at Robin, with the most surprised expression Robin had ever seen on him. Before he could scold her for her indignant request, she quickly added, "I mean… I have read so much about some of these ingredients you keep in here and… and the plants and animals, and… I have never gotten the chance to see any of them for real. I'm just… curious. May I stay? Please?"

"Don't touch anything." He said before he thought, or at least that's what it looked like to Robin, for he seemed just as surprised at his own words as she was herself. After a second of sending a mutually shocked look at each other, he turned back to his work at hand and Robin moved to inspect the shelves on the walls. Her face felt way too hot… luckily he couldn't see it currently.

Really, this place was even better than his office. While he stored some potions and books there, and some of the more common ingredients that may need quick replacement in class, this private lab was on an entirely different scale of fascinating. Thus Robin really took her time looking around, indeed not touching anything like she had been asked to, and tried to remember as much of it as she could. She didn't know how much time passed like that, in silence, and she also didn't particularly care. The entire laboratory in its perfectly neat overcrowdedness and with its one small, moonflooded window was absolutely serene. Calm like the softest cushion to a sore mind.

Only once Robin reached the last of the shelves, her inspection was momentarily interrupted. "Since you are still here and  _ distracting _ me, you might as well hand me the valerian."

A small smile played on Robin's lips in an instant. "I thought I wasn't to touch anything."

"Do not sass me, Miss Mitchell." He warned, but it sounded too shallow to actually be serious. "Valerian. Now."

"Springs or root?" Robin inquired as she scanned the rows and rows of bottles until her eyes fell onto both of the mentioned parts.

"I am in the process of making a sleeping draught…"

"Springs it is, then." Robin breathed more to herself than to him even before he had actually answered her question, and carefully, very carefully even, she moved the large jar out of its place, then turned around and took the few steps towards his workspace. Snape looked almost impressed (for his standards at least) as she placed the jar next to the cauldron on the table, and then took a respectful step backwards again to give him his space. 

"I believe we did not cover this particular potion in class." He said then, as he moved on with the recipe and added the needed valerian springs.

"It was in the textbook." Robin replied with an almost humored smile. "You didn't expect me to read all of  _ your _ books and not study my own textbook first, did you, professor?"

He rolled his eyes and merely glared at Robin for a moment, upon which she only had to grin more. However a moment later he finally replied. "If you are so well versed in basic potions, I am certain you can tell me what I have to do next to finish this particular one?"

Robin thought for a moment, just to make sure she  _ really  _ knew what she was going to say. "Nothing. The draught should be done, actually."

There it was again, that not-smirk. "Precisely. Put the jar back when you return to the shelf."

"Of course, sir." Robin was still smiling, and a small spark of giddy excitement ran through her as she returned the valerian to its rightful place. This was nothing, really… just the most minor act of assisting him in finishing a potion. Something a spell could've done. And yet, to Robin, it was everything. She had been helpful for once, and he had actually  _ allowed _ her to help! The night had just taken a drastic turn from panic and dread to calm and joy.

While Professor Snape went on to bottle the finished potion, Robin studied the remainder of the shelf in silence again. Half of the stuff that was stored here seemed as foreign to her as it could, making her wonder what it was and what its use might be… but she also didn't want to bother him any more by asking. It already had been a small miracle that she'd been allowed to stay for a little while longer, and by now the common room surely must've cleared up almost entirely. However once Robin was done with her curious inspection of even the last bottle and the last jar, she still remained standing in the corner of the room and almost involuntarily went back to watching the potions professor finishing up his work.

"Are you done with your  _ tour  _ of my laboratory?" He asked without looking up from the surely not all too difficult task of counting the labels on the table. Considering it was quite a lot of them though, the task seemed quite annoying.

"Yes… and thank you, for letting me ' _tour_ ' your lab. I've really enjoyed the look around, but yeah… I'm done."

"Then why are you still here?" His question didn't sound like the reproach or complaint Robin was used to, which was what made her frown ever so slightly as she replied.

"Well, you haven't asked me to leave yet…"

"Let me rephrase that: Why would you choose to dwell here, while you are free to leave? Certainly there are less dreadful… places to be." His question, or rather the way he asked it, obviously sincerely incredulous of her behavior, put a sudden and heavy veil on Robin's happiness that made her just a little too sad for her heart to bear in good conscience. Was it so hard to believe for him that people wouldn't dread his company? Or at least would choose to stay for the sake of an amazing laboratory like this?

"I'm in good company." She finally decided to say, in an easy tone, but with a hint of worry making itself known in her mind just a few seconds later. This was Snape she was talking to! The very professor who made an effort to pretend that kindness repelled him like a disease! But he still deserved kindness… maybe more than anyone else. Perhaps he would be less put off by the statement if she wrapped it in a veil of humor! "You know… To be surrounded by at least five hundred different species, even if in parts, surely isn't a company I would want to miss."

He rolled his eyes at that, as an asset to an almost perfect mask of indifference that was merely spoilt by another badly hidden not-smirk. "Don't be ridiculous. There are well over five  _ thousand _ different species in this room."

Robin's jaw dropped, but then she couldn't stop the wide grin on her face that stemmed from both the excitement at the diversity of species and the relief that he hadn't gotten all defensive at her comment. "Really?! Wow, that's… incredible. Now I truly feel privileged to be here."

"Being stared at by the cut off heads of dead creatures surely does not seem to bother you all that much. How… peculiar."

"Well, I'm stared at every day by living creatures with very much the same absence of understanding, but who are of far less use to anyone. I'd say I'm used to far worse than any of this…" Robin pointed to one particularly outlandish example in a jar to her right, feeling a little bit proud of her reply as well as a little too smug for her own good. However she also wondered if Snape was really surprised by the fact that she didn't mind the laboratory, or rather by the fact that she didn't seem to mind his company.

"In that case I'm certain you would have no objection to labeling these bottles for me. From what I know, your handwriting should be more legible to the staff in the hospital wing than what they are used to." He said as he stepped away from the bottles himself and instead went to look over one of the books on the other table.

"I think your handwriting is legible… mostly." Robin commented nonchalantly with a small shrug, but quickly shut her mouth once Snape raised a warning eyebrow at her. Right… they weren't on that level of conversing. Not usually, at least. 

Instead of dwelling on it for longer than necessary, she moved to the now free table and picked up the one label he had already written. It contained the name of the potion, the date, and the number 1/245. Well… this would take a while.

"You should sit down. If… you really should want to do this." He spoke up just as Robin picked up the quill in slight awe at its neat ornamentation.

"Uh, yes. Thank you. I do want to… yes." She replied a little awkwardly as she moved to sit down on the only stool in the room. Honestly, she'd do pretty much anything to be allowed to stay in this calm lab for now, and even more to actually help Snape for once. Even if it was by writing two hundred and forty five bloody labels. Well, forty four, actually. 

With a silent sigh, Robin looked over her shoulder once more to watch him writing something on a piece of parchment with an almost content expression. Maybe she wasn't the only one who was enjoying her presence here, after all… Well, at least he seemed to tolerate her. With a content smile she turned back towards her own table, and began to work as well.


	12. Secrets - Part 2

The thing about making promises as someone who's inherently loyal is, unfortunately, that you leave yourself no choice but to keep them.

Seeing as Robin had assured Professor Snape that she wouldn't study in the hallways anymore, she found herself highly uncomfortable in the common room once again on Monday night. Her divination homework was spread out in front of her on the table, while simultaneously some other students used the same piece of furniture to store their disgustingly sticky sweets and some kind of soda. _ Of course _ it had to go wrong. How else would she be reminded of why she dreaded this place in the evenings. The disaster unfolded, the soda was knocked over and emptied its entire contents all over the table, and all over Robin's homework essay. At least she had been graced with fast reflexes, which allowed her to save her textbook and quill at least and jump out of the way before the inevitable wave of sparkling pink fluid with a swirling dash of black ink swept over the edge of the table. Her essay, however, was lost in the floods.

A small apology was all she got in return, along with a few confused whispers once Robin tried to undo the damage by using the spell she'd learned from Snape's book during the last winter break. It indeed turned the water into a fine mist at first, then dissolved it completely, but unfortunately it also dissolved the ink on Robin's parchment, and instead left behind all the sticky sweetness that hadn't dissolved with the water. Right… this just worked with  _ natural _ substances.

"How did you do that?!" An astonished first year asked Robin with wide eyes directed at where the water had been sloshing around mere seconds ago. "Will I be learning that too?"

"Unlikely." Robin mumbled in annoyance, not at the kid, but the overall situation. Now that the three pages of her essay were basically blank parchment again, and she currently held everything else she'd brought neatly in her hands, she saw no reason in cleaning the rest of the mess up herself. With the intention to at least not make enemies in the grades below her as well, she turned to the kid once more. "Just be nice to your professors and they might show you something handy like that." Then, without another word, she made her way out of the common room and into her dorm. If she'd have to rewrite the entire goddamn essay tomorrow after classes in addition to her usual work, she seriously needed to get some sleep. 

Tuesday turned out to be just the way Monday had ended. Robin overslept (which literally  _ never  _ happened), upon which she had to skip breakfast to make it to class, and then ran from one subject to the next for the entire day, only to spend all remaining time until the evening by trying to get as much minor homework done as she possibly could. By the time she walked into the great hall for dinner, she felt so on edge that her stomach protested even at the prospect of eating a single pea. But she'd already missed breakfast and then skipped lunch to finish up a chapter in her book before afternoon classes… She at least had to try to eat something, or she might just collapse like her carefully constructed composure had done hours ago.

"Hey jay, what's all that talk about that you used some bloody weird spell last night?" A boy in her grade, who was sitting a few spaces over at the Slytherin table, asked immediately once Robin took a seat in one of the only empty spots. Being fashionably late, even if by fortune rather than favor, came at the price of having no say about bench neighbors. "Did you make up something new to impress the teachers?" A few people chuckled at the boy's comment and turned to Robin expectantly for an answer.

"Shut up David." She snapped at him with a glare, while her stomach reminded her that it strictly refused to take any more stress tonight. Really, Robin already felt very much like just imploding and ceasing to exist at a moment's notice today. And out of all the times her classmates could have chosen to pick on her this week, of course it had to be today, the one day she  _ really  _ couldn't be bothered with any more annoyances.

Within the next fifteen minutes Robin got exactly one piece of bread down, before she simply gave up on dinner and its inherent company altogether. As subtly as she could, she rose to her feet and made for a quick exit to head back to her dorm way before dinner ended. That at least gave her a good twenty minutes all to herself, before at last the other girls returned to the shared bedroom and thus inevitably made it impossible for Robin to do her work in the same space. With a sigh that bordered between resignation and desperation, she stuffed her trusty leather backpack with all things needed for today's assignments, as well as a bar of Twirls for the unlikely case that her appetite should return at any point in the next couple hours. 

Then she made her way back into the common room with the utmost determination to make it work tonight. And at first it seriously looked like it actually could. It was rather empty in comparison to other nights, more or less quiet as well, almost possible to focus… Then however dinner time was officially over, and people entered the room like a flash flood. Or rather… a flesh flood.

The book in Robin's lap shook with the nervous jittering of her right leg, and her mind went in and out of focus as her eyes lifted on their own account to scan each new person entering the room. She tried directly facing the wall to make herself stop after half an hour of her eyes skipping from the page to the door. That however led Robin to a rawly-anxious state of mind where every loud or sudden noise made her jump, and her fingers dig into the spine of her book until her knuckles turned white. The tension that coiled her muscles into knots every time she startled never quite left her body, and after a while she started to shift in her seat in restless discomfort. The frown that had long ago set on her face almost made her eyes water in its attempt to help her to focus by merely squeezing her eyebrows together, but it only served to give her a headache. Indeed, the more she had to focus on staying calm, the more she realized that her mission to make this work was failing. And just like that, slowly, the thudding of her heart and the adrenaline in her blood drove her painfully insane. Just  _ breathe _ , bloody idiot! This is a complete overreaction… more than likely just some stupid puberty thing. Ridiculous… 

She wanted to yell at everything and everyone to just  _ shut up _ and stop overwhelming her senses like that. Wasn't that something people supposedly did when they were (almost) 14? Not that Robin would know… her parents used to joke how she'd just jumped from childhood straight to adulthood without the awkward teenage phase. Well, maybe this entire lack-of-basic-functioning was just teenage-hood finally catching up with her.

She managed another forty minutes of restless reading, until she reached the end of the chapter only to realize that she could not remember a single word her eyes had traveled over. What book was she even reading?! Oh god… she would never finish this essay! A sharp tug in her chest and a new wave of nauseous heat accompanied the thought. She would fail this essay, and then the entire class, and then she'd be expelled. Bloody hell, she will end up cast out of both the muggle and the wizarding world! No, she had to do something, anything, she needed to get out of here… now.

The air seemed to be sucked out of the room as Robin threw her book into her backpack and her backpack over her shoulders. She didn't care that she felt dizzy. She didn't care that people were watching her abrupt exit like she had gone mad. All she felt was the painful thudding in her chest, the shame, and the tears stinging in her eyes. Before she could fathom to stop or even just slow down for a moment, she was hurrying through the pitch black hallways as if she could simply get rid of the dreadful feeling by going into a blind run. Outrunning her emotions. Just a minute in the courtyard, a minute under the stars or in the darkness of the night and she would be fine, she could just-... 

A surging whiplash of electricity hit her body as she blindly ran into a solid surface that made her trip over her own feet and land on her butt, startling her enough to lose control over her unshed tears at last. For a second she blinked up at the blurry figure she'd run into, before being forced back onto her feet by a new wave of adrenaline released into her veins and the still persisting urge to run.

" _ Not. So. Fast… _ " The all-too familiar voice of her favorite professor sent a shiver down Robin's spine, but she also couldn't help the impulsive decision to simply walk on. Her body currently held her rational mind hostage, just as she was held in place by a firm grip on both her shoulders before she could bolt. 

No no no… he had to let her move on or she would explode into a wailing heap of tears and misery. Or worse, she might yell at him. He would hate her. Even more than he already did anyway. Everyone hated her. She didn't want him to hate her… But she couldn't tell him that, she couldn't even voice any of her thoughts as they remained in their painful ambivalence of tumbling over one another and yet staying completely absent. She just wanted to be left alone… to die already and be rid of this torture.

"Breathe, Robin…" The sound of calmness, of darkness. "Count to six while you breathe in and count to six while you breathe out. You will be alright."

As if her body was trained to obey his solemn command, to ultimately trust his every word, she complied and closed her eyes. One… two… three… four… five… six… She was drowning, literally drowning. Six… five… four… three… two… one… Breathing hurt. It was painful, but getting better. One… two… three… four… five… six… Why wasn't he mad at her?! He was Snape… he was always mad when she did something ridiculous. Six… five… four… three… two… one… He still had his hands placed on her shoulders. She found that she didn't mind. Not the least bit, actually. One… two… three… four… five… six… She felt like her body actually started obeying her mind once again. The painful tension was fading away, the ringing in her ears died down and only her heart was still beating too fast. She could deal with that. Six… five… four… three… two… one… Robin opened her eyes, and despite the thick darkness, she was met with almost black ones in return. Another shiver ran over her skin.

"I'm sorry…" She finally managed to speak in merely a whisper, and a second later an overwhelming wave of guilt closed up her throat altogether. This really was a whole new level of being a bother. He  _ had _ to hate her now… Wait, had he really used her first name a minute ago? It was all a bit of a blur in her mind… 

"Don't." Snape merely said, and let go of one of her shoulders at last to pull her along through the corridors and into the empty potions classroom. As the door closed behind them, he finally turned towards her once more with a mixed expression. "Care to explain?"

"I will, just… give me a moment, please." She brought out, then carefully dropped her backpack on the floor and slowly walked from one end of the classroom to the other, pacing back and forth while Snape sat down on the edge of his desk and watched her in silence. Finally she felt enough like herself once more to talk to him, even if she wasn't entirely sure what he expected to hear. So that's where she started. "I don't know what to say…"

"Is this a usual occurrence? You running through the hallways in blind panic?"

"No…" Robin finally stopped in her avoidant movements, but still looked everywhere other than at the potions professor. "I mean… yes. But no. Ever since the start of term, I… it's…" Robin sighed, then sat down in her usual seat in the second row and put her head in her hands for a moment to collect her thoughts, while Snape waited patiently for her to go on. Finally she took a breath and lifted her eyes to look up at him. "I really shouldn't have told you that I wouldn't study in the hallways anymore… it's the only place I can bear to be at certain times. Ever since the start of term I've had trouble being around people. Not generally, I mean, just… working there, in the common room. I can't focus on my work, no matter what I do, and it always ends with me feeling like I'm going to die. Then I run and hide in the hallway. It's just… what I do to-... to cope without bothering anyone." She shrugged, more so to herself than to him. "I know it's probably just some pathetic teenager thing. It's nothing, really, and I already feel embarrassed enough by how stupid that all sounds… And I should probably stop talking."

"You should have told me."

"What?" Robin blinked at him in irritation. This is not the response she had expected. Mocking, yes. Scolding, even more likely. But not… something that sounded an unlikely lot like understanding. Remorse even! Surely she was misinterpreting that.

"You should have told me on Sunday what you told me now, and matters would not have come this far." He replied reproachfully, which was already way more likely on the scale of his normal subtones, and moved away from his desk towards the door.

"Well, it's not something you simply tell people! At least not without a darn good reason…" Robin defended herself quietly while avoiding his eye once more. He already knew quite enough, he didn't need to see her blushing over it like a damn idiot as well. "And no offense, professor, but I doubt that there is much you can do about it anyway. It's probably just… nature, or… something." She cringed as the words left her lips, but she would only embarrass herself even more if she spoke on in an attempt to make it any better.

"You may have failed to notice that you are sitting at a desk in a decently lit classroom right now instead of cowering on the ground in a dark hallway."

"Actually I was quite aware of that." A small smile accompanied the frown on Robin's face now as she turned around to face him standing by the door. "But… you seem to be making a different point with that statement and I… don't get it."

"Would you like me to spell it out for you?!" He rolled his eyes, looking equally annoyed and uncomfortable. The kind of uncomfortable he always wore when he got caught doing something nice.

"I'd actually appreciate that a lot, sir." She replied with an insecure half smile, even though she knew that his comment had been mere sarcasm. "This… thing, in the common room, has left me a bit… slow, for the moment. Sorry… I guess I'm back to being a dunderhead for the moment."

"Do you remember the advanced spell to lock and unlock doors which I taught you in your first year?"

"Yes, of course."

"It is commonly used to lock the classrooms.  _ All  _ classrooms, to be exact, in the entire school. However I would prefer if you made use of that knowledge solely on the doors to my own classrooms, should you find yourself in need of a… suitable study space again." He gave her a pointed look, then disappeared out into the hallway without another word.

Robin stared at the now closed door for another moment, and listened to her own heartbeat and the silence it was filling. He trusted her enough to allow her to study here, and even come and go at will. That… wow. Robin felt honored, in a way, and definitely privileged. She'd felt proud to be allowed to break curfew, but this was a step further into what honestly started to look like trust. Severus Snape trusted her, even if only ever so slightly. Hadn't she been so emotionally exhausted from the events of today overall and tonight in particular, she would have smiled brighter than the sun. She  _ felt  _ like smiling brighter than the sun, actually… but all her body allowed for now was a small but grateful smile. Yeah, she'd happily write a thousand labels for him as a thank you for this… and a couple more as an apology for making him do something nice. For now however she still had an essay to write for divination, and she would make sure that it turned out even better than the first.

… … … 

About an hour later, Professor Snape returned to the classroom in the same silence he had left with. Robin looked up from her work as her ears picked up on the movement, and she followed him with her eyes as he sat down behind his desk with a stack of paperwork. For a moment, he returned the gaze with the same calm expression he had worn in the lab two days ago, and Robin wondered what he might possibly be thinking. Then he focused on his own work, and Robin did the same. 

For two more hours they sat in silence like this, each working on their respective tasks in the dim light of the few lit candles in the room. Robin hadn't been able to work this well for this long ever since the start of term, maybe even longer than that, and she couldn't quite believe just how lucky she was to have ended up here now. Lucky, and grateful. Just sitting in Snape's classroom with him, way past curfew and in comfortable silence, she felt like she was able to relax for the first time in over twenty four hours. In addition to that, her essay was turning out to be amazing. This might not beat last Sunday night, with all the amazing wonders the lab had to offer, but it was a pretty close second.

Once the essay was done and packed up to be handed in tomorrow, Robin made the pleasant discovery that the Twirl she had packed was still unharmed and not entirely smashed after how she'd thrown her book into the backpack earlier. Pleased with herself for packing the candy in the first place, she grabbed it out of her backpack along with the book she intended to read next. 

"You brought chocolate to Hogwarts?" Snape raised an eyebrow at her in what almost looked like amusement, and Robin had to smile at the fact that  _ this  _ was what finally had led him to disrupt the silence. "Isn't the insufferable amount of sweets served here quite enough?"

"It's not nearly the same, actually." Robin replied neutrally, then took one of the chocolate bars out of the package to place it on her desk before looking back at Snape. "Do you… uh, would you like one? I mean… I'd be happy to share. Still haven't gotten used to having two chocolates in one package…"

"And what exactly would be the use of that for you?" 

"Eating chocolate or sharing? Actually-... Well, I guess it doesn't matter, actually… both tend to be quite delightful." Robin shrugged as she rose to her feet and walked over to his desk to place the second piece of chocolate in front of him. Seeing as he still looked doubtful, Robin rolled her eyes even though she knew she shouldn't. "I'm not going to poison you! I'm… just trying to be nice. And hoping you won't yell at me." 

While Snape continued to frown at her, then at the chocolate on his desk, Robin sat back down at her own desk with a sigh and went to enjoy her treat. Why couldn't he simply accept a kind gesture without being all weird about it? It made Robin feel weird in return… but she also refused to let that stop her from being nice to him. He probably didn't believe that anyone would be kind to him for the same reason he found it so hard to believe that Robin didn't mind, and even appreciated his company. Well, in case she or anyone on this planet hadn't noticed before now… her potions professor was different. Not different from anything in particular, just  _ different _ . Yet she couldn't help wondering… had he ever tried muggle candy before? Chances were ridiculously high that he didn't even-...

"There indeed is nothing like Twirls in Hogwarts… I had no idea they sold them as twin bars these days though." He mused after a moment, then snatched the piece of chocolate off his desk to eat while resuming his work as if nothing had interrupted him in the first place.

Robin felt baffled for a moment… he actually  _ knew  _ that they hadn't always come packaged like this?! Most of the kids in her house didn't even know what a TV was… leave alone a random brand of sweets. How come he knew? But Robin knew that it wasn't her place to ask... She'd already stretched her luck quite enough by offering him chocolate in the first place. But in terms of being kind, it really was an improvement to having the house elves bringing him cake, just like her using his classrooms as a study space was an improvement in terms of trust. Somehow, Robin felt like they were making progress. But she didn't yet know which goal they were trying to reach.

… … … 

After Tuesday night, Robin declared the potions classroom to be her personal sanctuary. Thus it was no surprise that on Wednesday night she was back in front of the door, only to find it locked. However seeing as Snape had been rather direct about her being allowed and  _ expected  _ to let herself in, she didn't hesitate to make good use of the spell she'd learned in her first year. From some time after dinner until way after midnight, Robin was alone in the classroom, working and reading and simply enjoying the fact that she was entirely on her own. Solitude was hard to come by around here… so she treasured every second she had to herself, before at last she made her way back to her dorm. She didn't run into a single person that night, and it was absolutely blissful.

On Thursday night Robin had to let herself into the room yet again, but after an hour of being alone, Professor Snape burst into the room like a black whirlwind or a thundercloud, which in return caused Robin to jump with a yelp. He stared at her in surprise for a second, frozen in his spot in the middle of the room now after the dramatic entrance, but then his entire demeanour slowly changed from threatening tension to calm neutrality and he moved on into his office, only to come back with a stack of notebooks a moment later. Still without saying a single word, he sat down at his desk in the front of the classroom and started to work. Whatever he had been upset about a moment ago, to Robin it seemed to have faded for now. Or he'd just gotten better at hiding it. However Robin had also gotten better at reading his barely-existent expressions and tiny tells, and thus it was more than likely that he felt calmer now for real. The thought made Robin smile as she turned back to her work. Perhaps this sanctuary wasn't only hers to escape to after all.

On Friday night, Robin found herself with a surprising lack of assignments for the next week, which left only her private studies to delve into. However due to exactly that reason, she decided to take a walk down to the lake after dinner, before curfew would limit her to the castle grounds alone. It was still surprisingly warm for the beginning of October, and thus she strolled along the shore until the time of night forced her to return to the castle. Once back inside, she made her direct way to the potions classroom without even bothering to return to her dorm first, seeing as she carried her backpack with her anyway, and thus all of the books she could possibly read. To her surprise, the door was unlocked already, but she stepped into the room to find it empty and in darkness. Well, the back of the room where Robin was currently situated was dark. The door leading to Snape's office however stood wide open, and the faint light radiating out of the office dimly illuminated the very front of the classroom. 

Without wasting any more time standing in the dark like an idiot, Robin closed the door behind herself, lit the candles with a single word and then sat down in her usual spot. Somehow it only now appeared to her that up until this week, Snape had always been working in his office whenever she had seen him working in the evenings, and not once in the classroom. Had he started working here to keep an eye on her? No, she'd been alone here all of Wednesday, and multiple hours over the other two days. Huh… how curious. Robin then settled for the explanation that he also didn't mind some company at times. And the desk here in the classroom seemed a whole lot larger than the one in his office. 

"Miss Mitchell…" His voice stopped her before she even had the chance to unpack any of her books from her backpack.

"Good evening, professor." She replied in a hint of surprise at actually being talked to after the enduring silence of the previous night, and meanwhile followed him with her eyes as he made his way out of the office with a book in his hands that might as well be older than the castle. "Is… is everything alright?"

"Indeed. However I… would like to ask for your assistance." His voice didn't let on anything at all once more, and Robin didn't know if she should feel nervous or excited. Her heartbeat sped up anyway.

"My-... My assistance?" She frowned a little, but snapped out of her insecurity in a second. This was her chance to help him another time, and she would take it no matter what. "I mean… of course, I'd be glad to. What is it you need my help with?"

He placed the book on his desk and motioned for Robin to come over as well, which she did while he explained. "I was in the fortunate position to acquire this unique piece of literature over the summer, but it appears to be missing one single page, which however I suspect to be of crucial importance to fully understanding everything else. Since the page was not simply torn out of the book, it also cannot simply be restored either."

Robin stood next to Snape at his desk and carefully inspected the heavy tome for a moment. It was bound in shabby but decently restored leather, with the barest hint of a gold inscription on the spine that however had long before rubbed off. Not much to go by… what kind of literature was this even? After a moment she looked up from the book to meet her professor's eyes. "How could I be of any help with that? I mean, I absolutely  _ would _ help you if I could, but I very much doubt that there's anything I can do if even you didn't know a suitable spell. Maybe you could ask Professor Flitwick, or Professor McGonagall, or…"

"I asked for  _ your _ assistance, did I not?"

Robin nodded, but the frown stayed on her face nonetheless. "Yes, sir… but I'm afraid I'll only disappoint you even if I tried. I have no idea how to restore the page as it is."

"I would not be so certain about that. You are in the possession of something that could very well be of vital assistance right now." He gave her a moment to think, and the gears in Robin's mind jumped into full action. Did she, really? But what-...

"The book about literature spells!" Her eyes widened at her own conclusion, and her lips remained agape with the realization. So  _ that's _ why he had asked her! But how had he remembered that? It's been ages since she'd mentioned it…

"Is it still in your possession?" 

"Of course!" The smile was on her face before she could help herself. In an instant she was back at her own desk and digging through her backpack with her right arm almost disappearing in the small bag up to her shoulder. Snape watched her with a risen eyebrow, and Robin felt the need to explain herself rising up with the heat on her cheeks. "Uh, I… carry a lot of books usually, so I used an extension charm I had previously researched for-… You know what, nevermind." 

Snape looked so extremely unimpressed by her words that Robin had enough reason to assume that he actually _was_ actually –at least partially– impressed by her spellwork. Really, it was another odd thing about him that she'd discovered recently, the nearly indistinguishable difference between unimpressed, and _'unimpressed_ but actually quite impressed'. She hid her smile in her bag for a moment, until she came to the conclusion that the book in question wasn't in there. Thus she dropped the bag on her desk as she rose to her feet, and then turned back to Snape. 

"The book is in my dorm room, since I hardly ever use it these days… But I'll go get it right now, so, uh, I'll be right back." With that she made for the door and left without waiting for a reply. Ten minutes later she walked back into the classroom at the same pace she had left with, eyes already fixed on the book as she flipped through the pages. "I'm afraid I only ever really studied half of it, seeing as the second half was pretty much useless for me at the time, but-..." 

"Jay?! What the hell are you doing here? Must've gotten yourself into detention as well, huh?" The snarling voice of David –who certainly had been a more than qualified replacement for Alexander in terms of bullying, ever since the duelling incident– made Robin look up from her book so fast and in so much surprise that she almost ran into the corner of a desk. In equal shock and incredulity she stared at David for a second, then at Professor Snape who had taken a seat behind his desk.

"You've got to be joking…"


	13. Secrets - Part 3

"You've got to be joking…" Robin groaned to herself more than to either of them and rolled her eyes in exasperation. Right… this still was a public place, even at night. After a second of collecting herself, she put on her game face and continued her way towards Snape's desk, where he mentioned for her to sit down as well. Honestly, she was only glad that she didn't have to sit at her own desk like some idiot in detention, and that probably was the exact reason why Snape made her sit up front with him now. At least Robin chose to read that intention into his actions.

"Hey, why doesn't  _ she  _ have to write a stupid three page essay on valerian root?!" David complained a second later, with clearly more of a pout to his tone than would leave any room for dignity.

"Because unlike  _ someone _ I'm not in detention." Robin replied neutrally but with a deathly glare. "Now shut up and do your work."

Surprisingly enough, David actually looked quite intimidated in return, but Robin had the faint idea that this might be more due to Snape's glare than her own. Huh, maybe she should have let him handle this… with him being… the professor… and all that… Robin looked down at the book in her hands and took a deep breath to counteract the heat burning on her cheeks.

"McGonagall found him sneaking around the hallways with one of her own students. A second year girl, who should be serving her own detention with Minerva right at this moment." Snape said, much to Robin's surprise. She hadn't expected an explanation for the ongoings, and certainly not coming from him on his own account. But she also couldn't help the barest hint of a smirk that came to her lips.

"So that should be the infamous tall-and-older girlfriend he keeps bragging about? I must say I'm disappointed… Is she tall at least?" Robin mumbled, hiding her smirk by looking down as she placed her book on the desk between herself and Snape.

"No." He replied in perfect indifference and Robin had to snort, however very quietly and very shortly.

"Pity…" She brought out in almost the same level of indifference that for her as well as for him was but a mere charade at this point.

"I can  _ hear  _ you, you know that?!" David complained, and this time Robin remembered her place for once and kept quiet.

"You already have two weekends worth of detention, should we make that three, Mister Thompson?" Snape asked with that particular expression that literally gave every student the jitters in utter terror. Well, every student but Robin, but he hadn't used it in her in a long time, so who knew how she'd react… Robin wasn't too keen on finding out. David looked back down to his work, probably intimidated just as much as angry, but at least he seemed to stay quiet this time.

"So, uh, yes…" Robin started to get back into work mode and effectively stop herself from getting tempted into sassing Snape. With David around, he surely would scold her rather than smirk, and she didn't have the nerve for that tonight. So back to the facts it was. "As I was saying earlier, I haven't memorized the entire book. But while flipping through the pages on my way back down here, I came across something interesting on page 132." 

Without a word, Snape moved to flip to the mentioned page, and his frown melted away as he read over the text. However it returned once he reached the next page, and Robin hoped she hadn't suggested something entirely stupid and unrelated. Only once he'd read all three pages of related information, he finally looked back up at Robin. "Have you read the entire instructions?"

"Well, I hardly had enough time for that on my jog back here." She shrugged. "I read the description of the functionality, not the instructions or additional information."

He looked minorly surprised at that. "And that sufficed for you to believe that it might be of use?"

"I  _ suggested _ it because it looked promising." She corrected. "One has to start somewhere. If it's rubbish, we at least know what we're NOT looking for."

"Interesting approach." He mused, and Robin felt momentarily stunned by how close that comment had gotten to an actual compliment. "I believe you discovered something that might very well be worth a try."

"But… maybe we should look through the rest of the book as well? Maybe there's another spell that fits even better?"

"Obviously." He rolled his eyes without any annoyance in them, and went to flip to about the middle of the book. "Up to which point do you sincerely remember the contents?"

"The last page I can remember for sure was about… repairing broken spines… it had a very peculiar picture in the top right corner. Somewhere in the 70s or 80s…" She sighed and gave him an apologetic half smile. "I always remember the contents and the layout better than the page numbers."

After a few seconds of flipping through pages, Snape pointed to the page Robin had described. "This one?" 

"Yes! Page 78… I wasn't too far off then." She smiled to herself for a moment. "Up to that one I remember what every spell was about."

"Good." He merely said and started scanning every page from that point on. Seems like Snape put an odd lot of confidence in Robin's memory… but she really was certain about the contents up to that point. It was all very basic, short-term restoration and spells for every-day practical use. The one about broken spines on page 78 was the first one that was a bit more complicated and unusual in its use, and that is the only reason why Robin had remembered it. It was the first one she didn't care to remember. 

For a moment Robin watched Snape reading, but then she felt stupid looking over his shoulder, even if only figuratively. He could assess these spells way better than she could, and if he found something suitable for the occasion he would probably show it to her. Maybe. 

With a silent sigh she let her eyes travel over the almost empty room. It was an odd perspective to be looking out over the class from this side of his desk… but one could really see almost everything from here. Everything, happening in front of you. Nothing in your back. Yeah, Robin felt comfortable sitting here. Then she studied the desk itself, along with the few things on it. Perfectly organized chaos, as always… but for once she actually understood the system behind it, which pleased her quite a bit. She'd happily trade desks with him any day, and that even though she couldn't even imagine switching seats with someone in class. She'd been sitting in the same spots in each of the classrooms for over two years now… and she doubted that she'd ever willingly sit elsewhere. The great hall however was a different issue, she'd never had a specific seat there, so she was fine with switching tables in there. But this was a classroom, and she felt oddly comfortable in a space that wasn't her own. Huh… 

Her eyes then fell upon the mysterious tome this entire fuss was about in the first place, and she was grabbed by curiosity. "May I… take a look at the book we aren't currently working with?" She inquired carefully, prepared to be right about being denied but equally prepared to be surprised.

"Be careful, it is… delicate." While delicate didn't seem like the word he had wanted to say, and she got a decent idea about why he didn't speak his mind once she heard David quietly groaning over his essay, Robin still understood the sentiment. This book was important, somehow. So she gave him a small nod with a sincere and serious expression, before she carefully moved the heavy thing over to her end of the desk. 

The first few pages looked decent enough; there were handwritten descriptions of spells, some strange symbols and drawings… nothing that stood out in particular. But once Robin had actually read a few pages, she couldn't help the deep frown that creased her forehead. "This is absolute gibberish! It may look valid, but anyone who spends at least a little time studying this book would realize that these aren't even workable spells." 

Now that got Snape's attention immediately, and seeing as he had finished skimming over Robin's book anyway, he turned his attention towards her entirety. "How did you come to that conclusion?"

"You see… for once, the actual  _ words  _ for the spells aren't even given. Not one single time! I mean alright, one could argue that the book is meant for wizards so advanced that they don't need words. You know… people like you." She regretted saying that the moment it was out. But maybe he would overlook the accidental compliment if she just continued. "However, what definitely strikes me as odd and leads me to the conclusion that this isn't even  _ meant  _ as a proper spell book is the technical terms used throughout the descriptions, as well as the names of the people mentioned."

Now he definitely looked curious, deeply intrigued to be exact, and even people who weren't practiced in reading his microexpressions would be able to see that. "What, pray tell, do you mean by that?"

"I'll gladly tell you in a moment, but just answer me one question first, please… because otherwise I'll feel really stupid in my assumption." Robin said quietly, not because she felt insecure, but because she couldn't have David hear this in case she made a fool out of herself. "When do you think this book was written?"

"I assume the manuscript itself is from the second half of the 16th century, but it was obviously rebound several times up to this point, which makes the binding by far younger."

"Okay. Okay…" Robin nodded to herself for a few seconds as her brain tried to make a coherent line out of the many different strings of thought in her mind. Then her eyes lit up as she started to explain. "So, the thing is: most of the terms, all the ones I know at least, are directly taken out of Renaissance culture. It's a colorful mixture of philosophy, architecture, literature, music… And the names, I recognize them from this time period as well. But they all have nothing to do with magic, not even the slightest bit. It's like… putting numbers into the alphabet!"

Snape seemed genuinely interested in what Robin was saying, and he looked up from the book to meet her eyes. "How exactly did you come to know Renaissance culture?"

"I had a lot of time two summers ago and attended some classes. At a muggle university. I know, not very appropriate for a Slytherin, but oh well… I was horribly bored. To be honest, I had already forgotten most of the things I learned, but reading these names and terms now definitely brings back a lot of it. I mean, I at least know that they're things from the Renaissance." She shrugged with one shoulder, as she felt like the biggest nerd in history and yet the biggest failure for having forgotten most of those classes already. "Anyway, if the manuscript was written in the 16th century, that would explain the Renaissance influence. Now, I do have some more… theories, about the book. But I wouldn't want to bore you, sir, I'm sure you already know all of this and I'm just… babbling. Sorry."

"In fact, I was previously unaware of this connection to muggle history and culture, and I dare say I would not have learned about it without your  _ babbling _ . So please, do enlighten me about your theories." He said calmly, giving her one of those still entirely unreadable looks. "You have my fullest attention."

"Well…" Heat rose to Robin's cheeks once again, and she couldn't quite believe that she had discovered something he hadn't yet noticed. "The book is basically a spell book written with muggle terms… and it surely requires extensive knowledge of both worlds to write something like this. So my first assumption is that the author was a half blood… or a muggle born. But it doesn't matter, actually. The thing about knowing both worlds really leads me to believe that the author knew what they were talking about, and thus the gibberish was  _ intentional _ gibberish. And if the gibberish is intentional, it makes me wonder what the intention of this book is in the first place. You say a page is missing… What if the entire book was merely created to hide that one page?" 

Going by the look Snape was giving her once she had finished her sentence, Robin had just said the dumbest thing in the existence of nonsense. Great. Insecurity finally showed on her face as she still held his gaze. She just wanted to help him, to solve this mystery… 

"I agree." That was what he finally replied, before briefly gazing at the still working David and then looking back at Robin. "Your theses… will serve as a decent basis for any further efforts."

What?! He thought she was right?! Robin's lips curved up into a small smile. "Uh, if I may ask, sir… did you find a spell for restoring the page? If it really is the sole purpose of the book to hide whatever is written on it, I'm actually even more curious to know what its secret is."

"Likewise." He mused, quietly enough so that Robin could barely pick up on it, but then he spoke up in a normal voice. "I still consider the method you suggested the most suitable." Upon Robin's frown, he added, "Page 132."

"Ah… Maybe I should consider reading the entire thing then." She smiled and carefully closed his book, while switching its place with her own book on the desk. Only then a thought caused her heart to sink in an instant. "I mean… you surely only asked for my assistance in this because I have literature spells in my possession. I… could lend the book to you, if you'd like that."

"Indeed, my intention was to borrow this particular book from you." He said with the gravest expression he had worn all night, and Robin found her heart hollowing out even more. Of course he wouldn't want her to actually partake in any of this… she'd merely been lucky to be included up to this point. But… it was hard to let go of such a great mystery. Of the illusion to be useful, the illusion to do something important for once. That was until he spoke on. "However I cannot deny the fact that you improved my understanding of this book immensely. And… neither can I deny that you are the most reliable assistance I have. Could you imagine yourself to-..."

"Yes." Robin cut in before he could even finish his sentence. "I… sorry for interrupting, but I would very much like to keep assisting you."

She actually got a not-smirk in return. "In that case, I suggest you to read those three pages now."

With a nod, Robin picked up the book and leaned back in her chair while flipping to the correct page. She wouldn't allow herself to get all too excited about this… she was, but this situation required a certain professionalism, and she would do her best to display that now. It didn't take her long to read the three pages, twice even.

"It's… a potion?!" She finally stated with an incredulous expression. "That's weird…"

"Why do you think it is a potion instead of a spell?" He asked then, but this was a professor-question, not a Snape-question.

"Well, seeing as you said a simple restoration spell wouldn't work, it certainly has something to do with the fact that spells aren't strong enough to counter or reverse the magic used to remove the page in the first place. The magical properties of various ingredients combined in a potion however should be strong enough for that." Robin replied without thinking much about it, and placed the book back on the desk with a shrug.

"Good." He looked fairly pleased with her reply, which pleased Robin in return. "You have studied the list of ingredients required for this task, yes?"

"Yeah, I've studied the entire procedure. Twice."

"There are… a few required ingredients I currently do not have in my possession." He kept it vague, eyes flicking to David for a second before returning to Robin. She understood. "We have to get our hands on those first, before we can start on the potion. You are aware of the time it will take to prepare the procedure?"

"Yes. I am." She stated in determination. "No problem with that." The potion would take two months to make… honestly, if anything, she was sad that it wouldn't take longer. Who knew if Snape would ever allow her to help with something again once this was over?

Before either of them could continue, they heard a quiet snoring coming from the Slytherin boy, who had literally fallen asleep over his essay. Robin snorted, and Snape rolled his eyes in return.

"I truly cannot say Minerva could have picked a worse time to drop him off with me." He muttered, grabbed a random journal off the stack at his end of the desk, and then rose to his feet to walk over to the sleeping David. With an unforgiving glare, he smacked the boy in the head with the journal. "This is detention and not your bedroom, Mister Thompson."

"I-I'm sorry, sir…" David immediately brought out as he startled awake, frightened eyes looking up at his professor.

"Seeing as it is well after midnight, you may leave for now. However I expect you to return right to this spot after breakfast."

"Yes, sir…" David sighed in defeat as he rose to his feet, and jumped once Snape snatched the essay from his hands. "Goodnight, sir…" With that, he shot one quick look at Robin before scurrying out of the classroom.

"I hate that child." Snape muttered as he returned to his desk, and Robin couldn't help laughing at the dry honesty. She really couldn't agree more… but she knew it wasn't her place to comment on it.

"So, where will you get the missing ingredients?" Robin asked instead, while he sat back down. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Seeing as I will be stuck with Mister Thompson for the entire weekend, I would highly appreciate if you could indeed… run a few errands."

"Yes, of course! What do you need me to do?" 

"Tomorrow is the fourth Saturday of the term, correct?" 

"Yes?"

"That means you will get to go to Hogsmeade for the first time, and I ask of you to go indeed. There is a small shop that sells various ingredients for rare potions to anyone who pays enough, off high street obviously. A black building with a golden inscription over the door. I would like you to go there tomorrow. Follow the second alley going to the right off high street to its end, then turn left and you should come across the shop after a minute's walk." With that he turned to face the desk rather than Robin and got out a snippet of parchment to scribble a quick list on it. Then he handed the paper to Robin. "If I'm not mistaken, you should be able to get all of this in Hogsmeade. Tell the man in the shop that I sent you, and you shouldn't be refused nor expected to pay straight up."

"I will do my best, sir." She answered with what she hoped was a positive expression of professionalism and not an overly excited smile. Going to Hogsmeade hadn't really been on her agenda up until this point, but it also wasn't like she had any other plans for tomorrow. After all, she still was only too glad to get to help with this entire mystery. Surely running errands for him would be better than whatever she would've come up with, for nothing that had to do with the potions professor was ever short of interesting in the first place.

"Certainly I do not have to tell you that this entire endeavour is to be kept between you and me. Furthermore I expect you to take your involvement in this as seriously as I do."

"Of course I take this seriously!" Robin gave him an incredulous look that probably let on a bit too much of her hurt expression along with it. "Have I ever given you a reason to doubt that I'm absolutely serious about my work and studies?"

"No." His reply came fast and with certainty. "I am well aware of your dedication for all matters you concern yourself with. However you ought to know that in my terms there is no casual participation. I take your involvement as seriously as my own, and I expect you to do the same."

"You're my professor, of course I take you seriously!" Robin still didn't quite get what he was aiming at. Maybe she should consider going to bed soon… her brain was getting slow.

"Not  _ me _ , Mitchell!" He rolled his eyes in that exaggerated annoyance once more. "You have to take  _ yourself _ seriously! I do not have the time or nerve to listen to a self-deprecating speech every time before you voice a thought of yours. Speak your mind and I… will refrain from scolding you, should your comment be redundant."

"Promise you won't yell at me when I say something stupid?" Robin inquired carefully, even though she finally grasped where he was coming from with that statement. Actually, it was rather nice what he was saying. He took her seriously, and demanded for her to be in this completely or not at all. That's really all Robin could've hoped for.

"I do not make promises." Snape answered with a frown as he leaned back in his chair. "But I tell you now that I will not yell at you unless it is absolutely necessary."

"Good enough for me." Robin smiled ever so slightly, feeling both incredibly excited for this private project but also incredibly worried that she will somehow screw it up and make him regret that he put enough trust in her to allow her to assist in the first place. Well, she would just have to be better. Better than she was now, and better than he expected her to be. Just… what  _ did  _ he expect of her to do, exactly? For now, running errands. She wouldn't let him down right on the very first task (nor on any other, actually).

"You look exhausted." He stated then, perfect indifference with a hint of a sigh. "You should go to bed. There isn't any more to be done until tomorrow anyway."

"Yes, sir." With a small sigh she got up and made her way over to her backpack on her own desk, grabbing it on the go as she continued towards the door. Really, she was indeed exhausted and doing herself a favor rather than following his order by heading to bed now… 

"Your book, Miss Mitchell." His voice stopped her a few steps away from the door, and Robin turned around to him once again.

"You should keep it for now… with the other book I mean. Isn't that what you would prefer anyway?"

"It is indeed." The not-smirk was back, and so was the lifted eyebrow. "I should assume this is more than fair after lending books to you for two years."

"It surely is." Robin smiled, tiredly, but sincerely nonetheless. "Goodnight, professor."

"Miss Mitchell?" Again, his voice stopped her just before she could open the door, making her turn to him yet again with a question on her face. He spoke on before she could voice it. "Hogsmeade certainly isn't a dangerous place by any means, but since students are rarely seen venturing off high street, I would still advise you to be careful when going to that shop tomorrow."

While he looked perfectly indifferent in that statement, rising to his feet and gathering up the two books from his desk with an expression of utter boredom, the very attempt to hide anything from his face that could have given off the impression of concern or care actually was what gave him away. Just having noticed that made Robin's smile brighten inevitably.

"I will be careful. No need to worry about your precious ingredients." She couldn't help adding that second sentence with a small smirk, and upon receiving a small glare and a not-smirk in return, Robin finally made her way back to her dorm.

… … … 

If Robin had felt like she was anything more than just a third year student last night, Saturday morning definitely had every intention to put her back into her place.

First, she had decided to actually make somewhat of an effort in terms of dressing for being errand-girl today (seeing as she hadn't forgotten what Snape had said about her representing the Slytherin house and his own person), and thus she'd ended up with the same old, large and black turtleneck jumper she fancied, tugged into some blackish drainpipe jeans and kept in place by a black belt with an admittedly very scratched silver buckle. Oh well… concessions had to be made. Her mom always said black was classy and staid… and while Robin didn't agree on the 'staid' part, she still wanted to appear classy today. 

Her choice of wardrobe however led to the first instance that tried to put her back into her place, namely her fellow students, who didn't cease to make comments from joking to mocking to insulting during breakfast. Well, in comparison to the other third years, with their colorful shirts, patterned dresses and generally average thirteen-year-old style of clothing, she did stand out a lot. Robin looked quite a lot more like some of the sixth or seventh years, if anything… But she suffered through the comments in silence on the outside, and just a hint of doubt and shame on the inside. Maybe she should make an effort to fit in more… but then she looked at everyone again, seriously, and the thought flew out of her mind to never be considered again. Nope, not gonna happen.

After breakfast, the real issues began. Equipped with her trusty leather backpack that was (as always) stuffed with anything she could possibly need, ranging from parchment and books over snacks to a rain jacket, and of course the list of ingredients she was to acquire, Robin stepped out into the courtyard in sincere appreciation of the dark grey clouds in the sky. Way better than sunshine… that only ever made her eyes hurt. 

"And where's your permission slip, Miss Mitchell?" McGonagall asked then, eyebrows risen and clearly expecting something Robin wasn't sure about.

"My… what?" Thus came her very  _ eloquent _ reply.

"The permission slip signed by your parents for this instance? Allowing you to leave the castle grounds in groups of at least three students to go to Hogsmeade?" McGonagall prompted again, and a new existential dread overcame Robin upon the professor's words.  _ Fuck. _

"I… I didn't think to let them sign it. I… thought it was more one of those 'for your notice' kind of things." She replied in a faintest hope to somehow fix this situation. "I mean, I traveled the entire country of England by myself over summer! Well, not the  _ entire  _ country, obviously, but I traveled by myself, alone, WITH their explicit permission. They would probably laugh at me if I asked them for permission to go on a fifteen minute walk away from home now!"

"I'm sorry, Miss Mitchell, but rules are rules."

"But that's  _ ridiculous _ !" Robin couldn't help the exasperated sigh, nor the inevitable rolling of her eyes, as she threw her head into her neck to angrily glare at the sky.

"I do not make the rules, but I'm still obliged to follow them. As are you." The professor pointed out, then added a bit more kindly, "If you are so certain that they will allow you to venture out on your own, you can always send them a letter before the next Hogsmeade Saturday in two weeks and have them sign their permission."

An idea sprung to Robin's mind immediately, born both of McGonagall's words and her own refusal to accept her fate. "So it does not have to be the  _ specific _ slip given to us before term, but a handwritten approval would suffice?"

"In my eyes, yes." The professor frowned. "However I…" Her voice trailed off as she watched how Robin took off her backpack and dug her arm into it to the shoulder.

Upon seeing the professor's astonishment, Robin merely said, "Extension charm… helps with carrying the books." Then she took out a piece of parchment and a ballpoint pen she usually didn't use for Hogwarts business, and wrote a quick note. It read:  _ 'Hereby we allow our daughter Robin Mitchell to leave the castle grounds in groups OR by herself at any time not officially prohibited by the school rules.' _ Then Robin handed the paper to McGonagall.

"If my parents sign this, would it suffice for me to be allowed to leave the school grounds also by myself whenever we are officially allowed to go to Hogsmeade?" She asked the still astonished professor, and put her stationery back into the bag while waiting for an answer.

"Usually students simply break this rule instead of asking for permission. It merely applies to third years anyway, to ensure they get used to the new freedom before abusing it." McGonagall finally replied with a doubtful expression.

"Well, I'd rather change the rules to fit my needs than break them, to be honest." Robin shrugged. "That's usually less stressful for everyone."

Now McGonagall straight out looked incredulous and yet undoubtedly humored. "In that case,  _ if  _ you get your parents to sign this piece of writing, then yes, you may go on your own this year as well."

A smile spread on Robin's lips. Part one of her plan had worked, at least. "Great. Where can I find you in approximately twenty minutes, professor?"

"I have absolutely no idea what you are plotting, Miss Mitchell, but I can assure you no owl will be that quick." 

"I'm not planning on using an owl, professor… I'm planning on bribing a house elf." Robin replied with a hint of mischief in her tone that even she could hear herself. "They are very nice, actually, if one is respectful and kind. And as far as I know, there is no rule against asking them for a favor."

"Indeed there isn't… However they are not a replacement for owls in any way."

"I have no intention to make them do anything they don't want to, which is not to say that I could in the first place. But I think I can offer them something in return that may convince them to do me this one favor." After a few seconds of silence, Robin added, "Please, professor… I really need to go to Hogsmeade today. And seeing as the only thing holding me back currently is a missing signature from my dad, I have come up with a perfectly by-the-rules plan to get you just that. Just because it's not commonly done this way doesn't mean it's any less legitimate."

"You certainly are creative in your sheer determination to make it to Hogsmeade today." McGonagall sighed. "I'm heading to the teacher's lounge now, should your efforts lead to the desired result."

"Thank you." Robin gave the professor a bright smile, then made her way towards the kitchens as fast as she could without running. This  _ had  _ to work… she would not stop even one second before those damned ingredients were on Snape's desk.

It took Robin a good ten minutes to convince her favorite house elf, who she had gone to for chocolate cake in the middle of the night more often than she liked to admit, to do her this favor. Not because the female elf (whose name Robin had learned to be Buttercup) would've refused Robin, she'd never do that, but because Robin had to convince her to accept a bar of Twirls in return. Finally, after explaining the advantages and necessity of fair trading to the entirety of the kitchen staff, Robin could get the young elf to accept the trade. Five minutes later, after apparating from the Hogwarts kitchens to Robin's family home in Oxford and back again, Buttercup happily exchanged the now signed permission slip for the chocolate bars Robin was handing her. Really, bless the house elves for being able to apparate in and out of Hogwarts, and bless Robin's brain for remembering that at such a convenient time. 

After saying thank you and making sure Buttercup actually  _ liked  _ Twirls, Robin was on her way to the teacher's lounge in an instant. For once a plan of hers was actually working out the way it was supposed to, and honestly the feeling of success sufficed to gather up enough confidence to knock on the door and ask for McGonagall. The professor didn't actually seem all too surprised anymore when Robin handed her the now signed note, and without further ado she allowed Robin to head to Hogsmeade at last. If Robin wasn't mistaken, she even saw McGonagall smile in amusement for a brief moment when she finally turned to leave.


	14. Secrets - Part 4

Hogsmeade was quite as underwhelming as Robin had anticipated, but she found that she enjoyed it nonetheless. High street was crowded with students of all ages, as well as with adults of all ages, which overall was something Robin  _ didn't  _ enjoy. However the shops and taverns looked rather appealing in their particular aesthetic, and she made sure to actually take the time to visit some of them the next time she came here. Today however, she was on a mission. 

Finding the way Professor Snape had described was easier than expected, and Robin had to snort at the sheer understatement of him saying students rarely came this way… Everything that lay off high street was practically void of any life in general! Deserted so much that she felt comfortable immediately. No people was better than too many people. 

The walk to the shop wasn't actually all that long long, but then again, it was a really small village in general, so this was not at all surprising. Soon, Robin stood in front of the black building with the gold inscription and gave it a lookover. The place seemed dubious, gloomy and just so incredibly low profile that it must undoubtedly be important. Just the place she would expect nobody but Snape to know about. Now… she only needed to gather up the courage to go in. With a deep breath, Robin built up her walls to force all anxiety and doubt out of her mind. If there had ever been a time to allow herself to be bold, it was now. Bold, and stoic, and serious… sound familiar much? Robin rolled her eyes at herself, and opened the door.

"Scurry off, kid… This isn't a place for the innocent." A scratchy male voice greeted Robin the very moment she set foot into the shop. 

"If you talk to all customers like that, I'm not surprised that I'm the only one in here. And the first in just how long…? Going by the dust on the shelves and the look on your face, I'd say it's been a while." She shot right back, a perfect copy of calm indifference on her face, even though her heart beat like crazy. No place for the innocent indeed.

The man's eyebrows lifted higher than Robin thought possible, and he let out a small laugh in accordance with his astonished expression. "Fast mouth for such a little thing… Say, how old are you anyway?"

Robin completely ignored the question and simply looked at the man for a moment, making it clear that she wasn't here to chat. Then she went straight to the core of her presence. "I need a variety of ingredients for a potion and I was told I could get them here."

The man lifted an eyebrow at Robin again, but his superior smirk vanished to make room for a neutral expression. Good, maybe he would actually start taking her seriously now. "You want to talk business, alright… Who told you that you could find what you need here, with me?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes! It matters because I haven't made my mind up if I'm gonna screw you over or not, and your affiliations could play an important part in that decision."

"Who says I can be screwed over in the first place?" Honestly, Robin didn't know why she didn't just tell the man that Snape had sent her. It would likely make things way easier for her to just rely on the professor's reputation. But then again, exactly that was the issue: Robin wanted to be taken seriously for her own sake. And she would never achieve that if she placed herself in Snape's shadow now. Then she'd never be more than the little errand girl.

"You'd be surprised who I've already conned… Wizards far more experienced, and witches far greater than you." The man chuckled. "But I like you, kid. No funny business. What do you need?"

Tersely, Robin read the list of ingredients to him and he moved through the room behind the counter to gather up the various things in return. A minute later, he placed what she'd asked for on the counter.  _ Almost  _ what she'd asked for. 

"This isn't Abraxan hair. But you surely knew that already, seeing as you tried selling it to me. It's probably Granian, isn't it?" Robin commented with an (admittedly feigned) unimpressed expression. "I'll grant it to you, they're very similar, but not enough to fool me. You see, while Granian is originally grey in color, it can bleach out enough to turn white naturally. That however, even in the best cases, leaves it with just a hint of an undertone of a different color. Abraxan hair on the other hand is purely white by nature, and thus void of every and any undertone. Looking at this, there's definitely more grey than white in it, wouldn't you say?"

Now the man's jaw dropped in anything BUT amusement, and he looked as incredulous as any person probably could. Surely he hadn't seen that coming… but Robin for her part merely kept looking at him in perfect neutrality. After half a minute of dead silence, he finally spoke up with the first honest expression he had worn since Robin had entered the shop. "Who the hell are you?"

"Someone you don't want to screw over no matter who I'm affiliated with. Now, would you be so kind and bring me the correct ingredients?"

"As you wish." He replied immediately, finally void of all humor and joke, and went back to the shelves to bring out what looked like the same seven ingredients already present on the counter. Those ones he merely swiped out of the way, and placed the new items down with much more care than the first time. "Is this everything you need?"

Robin let her eyes travel over the ingredients slowly, considering and foremost conscious of the fact that she was being watched. The Abraxan hair now looked like what Robin assumed it was supposed to… and that was about everything she could tell. Honestly, to her, all of the other ingredients looked exactly the same as before. She had absolutely no knowledge about any of these items, leave alone any clue to identify if they were what they were supposed to be. It had merely been her dumb luck yet again that she had recently read an article about freaking Abraxan hair and it's astonishing similarities to Granian hair, and even more dumb luck that she had been  _ right _ in calling him out. Dumb luck was rarely deserved… But she would still take as much of it as she could, as it obviously had just sufficed to make this man believe that she knew more than she actually did.

With her neutral facade still running smoothly, she looked back up at him behind the counter. "Yes, this will be everything. For now."

"You're freaking me out, Miss, but I  _ do  _ respect your knowledge. Not many people would've known the difference between those hairs, and I least expected it from s-..." He stopped mid-sentence as he noticed Robin's glare, then a muscle in his jaw ticked and he avoided her eyes in fairly obvious discomfort. "...from someone like you. This will be sixty five galleons."

"For account of Severus Snape."

"Bloody hell…" The man groaned and hid his face in his hands. "You're with  _ him _ ?!" 

"Do you have a problem with that?" Robin rose her eyebrows in question and stared him down again, which clearly seemed to make him even more uncomfortable. On the inside, Robin's pride did a happy dance… she really was doing Snape justice here. 

"Let's say I have  _ a lot  _ of respect for that man… But you're no better than him, looking like you can kill with your glares…" He made a face that was almost the opposite of the mocking distaste he'd shown her when she'd entered the shop. "Just take your stuff and go, will ya?"

With a small, innocent smile Robin packed the ingredients into her backpack and then looked back at the man once more while she made for the exit. "Thank you for your assistance. Have a nice day." Without waiting for a reply, she opened the door and let herself out into the street at last.

She managed to keep her neutral facade up until she took the first turn back towards high street. Then the grin on her face widened until it was simply unstoppable, and she had to walk up and down the alley a few times to calm down her racing heart and her lasting excitement. Bloody hell, that had been both absolutely exhilarating and absolutely frightening all at once. Robin couldn't believe that she had  _ actually _ managed to be intimidating all on her own, and that she'd been taken seriously because of that. No wonder Snape preferred everyone to be intimidated by him… it surely was a good way to get respect.

Finally her heartbeat slowed down, and Robin made her way back to high street with a small smile. If she wasn't mistaken, there was a candy shop here in Hogsmeade… and Snape would surely still be stuck with David until dinner. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to visit that shop before heading back to the castle… maybe it wouldn't hurt to do something normal for once.

… … … 

It was late afternoon when Robin left Hogsmeade to head back to the castle, not long after her quick visit to the candy shop had come to a rather sudden end when she had felt absolutely overwhelmed by a horde of people storming the shop, which then had resulted in Robin's immediate departure. Unfortunately, this was exactly the time when most other students decided to return to the school as well, which left Robin stuck in an entire throng of people on their slow trod back to Hogwarts. 

"Didn't expect to see  _ you _ here, jay, out of all people…" A boy one year above Robin spoke up as he fell into line with her. She didn't know him, not really… she only knew that he was one of the Slytherins who took particular joy in bullying her for some reason. She had never cared enough to find out more about him than that though.

"But then again, David did say something like that." He mused, shrugging, then skipped a step ahead and walked backwards as he looked at Robin. "He also said something about you getting him into trouble with Professor Snape, do you happen to know anything about that?"

Robin continued to ignore him, and simply looked at a point far behind his shoulder as she walked on. This kid was friends with David? And David had spilled the tea on the events of last night?  _ Great…  _ that certainly didn't make it easier to ignore his mocking. Robin would just have to stay neutral and ignore this incident, same as always. But obviously the boy wouldn't have that, and neither would his friends who Robin only noticed closing in as they had formed a loose circle around her already. Oh geez, she really wasn't in the mood to deal with these idiots right now… today had already been exhausting enough as it is.

"David said you would be running some errands for Snape today… Is that what you were doing in Hogsmeade?" He frowned at Robin with a mean grin. "You're such a teacher's pet, you know that jay?"

"If that's what it takes to talk to someone other than you idiots for a while, then yes, I'm indeed a teacher's pet. Happily." She replied at last, refusing to let that be used as an insult against her. Getting along with her professors was a  _ good _ thing, getting along with Snape was great, even, and nobody could convince her otherwise.

"So what is it that you did for him in town? Got him some new torture device? Or poisoned a few people?" The boy mocked, and his friends proved themselves to be loyal peasants as they laughed about his every joke. Again, Robin decided to say nothing. Even if that wouldn't stop them from being jerks, it at least wouldn't make her one of them. Insults never led anywhere other than to more insults, and Robin could very well refrain from getting involved in it. That however was until their strategy changed from insults to actions. "Why don't we take a look into that backpack of yours, huh? See what you  _ hide  _ in there…" 

In an instant, the boys beset her and the bag was ripped from her shoulders while they held her arms at her sides with two boys each. Alright, neutrality went a long way with Robin, but this was a step too far. In a natural response of fight or flight, she chose to fight indeed and moved to free her arms, actually succeeding in that, before she lunged at the boy in front of her. Nope, she wouldn't let this vile creature touch any of her belongings. 

The boy barely escaped Robin as she jumped at him, but before she could make any attempt to either go at him again or draw her wand, he dashed off together with his friends, Robin's bag still in his hands. In an instant she was after them, not even caring if she had to push people out of the way or go at a full sprint over uneven ground to catch up with them. She would get that bag back, no matter what. This was the third time today she was forcefully reminded that she was only a student, one who didn't fit into her house, one who couldn't escape the cage she had been put into, one who couldn't even prevent getting involved in the childish behavior and shenanigans of her peers. However this time, for once, she had no other choice but to get her hands dirty as well.

… … … 

It was over an hour later when Robin made it back into the castle, her bag clutched tightly in her blood and mud covered hands. Hopefully nobody would see her like this. Hopefully she could sneak past everyone despite the stupid limp caused by a twisted ankle. Hopefully… this day would just be over soon. Every step felt like a knife to the core, every inch of her skin burnt like it was clawed open and dipped in salt, and every muscle felt like it was ripped apart anew with each movement. Put shortly, Robin was in quite a bit of pain, but she refused to allow herself to cry over it, to even be  _ bothered _ by it at all. She wouldn't give them that last pleasure, not even in their absence. She refused to acknowledge that  _ their _ sheer idiocy had resulted in  _ her  _ getting hurt, even if it hadn't been their intention. There was only a certain capacity for emotions Robin could endure every day, and today she had long run out.

Once she caught sight of herself in the glass of a cabinet, she still had to close her eyes for a moment to force away the anger, and the embarrassment. Honestly, she could be partaking in a contest for the best zombie costume… only that the blood and cuts covering her skin were her own, and the dark bruise forming on her cheekbone was only one of the many that remained hidden under her clothes. However she still considered herself lucky as she made her way to the dungeons, entirely unseen and soon swallowed by darkness. She had gotten her backpack back, and it was still as good as it had been this morning, with its entire contents merely a little shaken up from the run but otherwise in perfectly ordinary condition. The same thing really couldn't be said about her own self, but quite frankly Robin worried more about her possessions than about her body. Bodies healed, objects didn't. Especially not rare potions ingredients that weren't even  _ her _ possession in the first place.

Robin's feet carried her to the door of the potions classroom without detours, but before she opened the door she took a moment to remind herself of what she would likely find behind this door. The reason for her catastrophical evening going down like it had in the first place, and thus the (even if indirect) reason for the agonizing pain she was in.  _ David _ . Truth be told, Robin felt very tempted to burst into the room at once and torture that boy without even having to voice a single spell and before he even realized that she was there. But that revenge would be short lived, unproductive and highly inappropriate, even if probably very satisfying for a very short moment. This was the same situation she'd been confronted with in her first year with Alexander, only on a different scale… and she wouldn't make the same mistake twice. She'd try to be better this time.

After taking a deep and thereby slightly painful breath, Robin opened the door and walked into the room with as little limping as she could. Slowly and forcefully calmly she walked towards the front of the classroom where Professor Snape hadn't even bothered looking up from the book on his desk. Perhaps he was so focused on whatever he was reading that he hadn't noticed Robin's fairly silent entry… He didn't look like he was deliberately ignoring her, at least. 

On her way to the front, Robin focused her entire attention on Snape, thus on her own part deliberately ignoring David and two other students who were sitting at their own desks and probably writing up some assignments. They, however, didn't ignore her.

"Bloody hell, what happened to you?!" David of course was the first to blurt out the obvious, though in a tone so entirely amused that Robin felt tempted to reconsider her decision on torturing him. "Looks like you've finally fallen out of your ivory tower, huh?"

That at last got Snape's attention, and his eyes lifted off the book in lightning speed to find David across the room, however his gaze came to a sudden halt on Robin instead. The sheer amount of barely noticeable microexpressions flashing over his face right then would have sufficed to keep Robin thinking for an hour at the least, but she wasn't granted that time before he was back to neutrality and addressing her in the gravest of tones. "What happened?"

"I would rather tell you about that without… the additional ears, sir." Robin brought out in a quiet and calm voice that however was just a bit too breathy to not give away how she truly felt. In pain, but also surprisingly numb. Looks like she really had run out of any emotional capacity for the day.

Snape's eyes moved from Robin to the clock on the wall, then to the three other students sitting in the room, and finally back to Robin. "Detention will be over when dinner starts, in approximately forty minutes. If you have no other obligations, you should wait for me in my laboratory."

The laboratory? Goodness, Robin wouldn't be able to decline that no matter how much pain she was in. "Thank you, sir, I will do just that."

"You know how to enter." He merely replied with another of those pointed looks and finally turned his eyes back down to his book.

Robin could tell that he wasn't reading though. The muscles in his jaw were clenching, even if only subtly, and he looked way too tense to be focusing on anything but the room around him. Yet, she understood that this wasn't the place for further conversation, as of her own request, and thus she made her way back to the door with quick steps that hurt more than could be healthy. Three pairs of eyes followed Robin as she grabbed the doorframe too tightly to replace a pained hiss, opened the door abruptly and almost fell into the hallway before slamming it shut again. So much for being subtle.

The walk was luckily short and dark, and Robin found that she could enter the lab with the same spell as the classrooms indeed, but this time she made the effort to lock the door behind herself with the corresponding spell for once. Only then she felt like she could finally loosen the grasp on her bag, could finally allow herself to hurt, could take a true breath at last. The small space really had a calming effect on her, even now. She didn't bother lighting up the candles before she dropped her bag in a corner and sat down on the floor with her back against the side of one of the shelves. Having the wood pressing her jumper against her sore skin wasn't the most pleasant feeling, but sitting at last was enough of a relief to still allow a deep relaxation to wash over her nonetheless. Now that the adrenaline was slowly wearing off and the necessity to protect herself was withdrawing in her head, she felt surprisingly dizzy as she stared out of the window into the last bits of dark grey sky that were slowly taken over by blackness. Before she knew it, the blackness had swallowed her as well.


	15. Secrets - Part 5

_ Previously: _

_ The walk was luckily short and dark, and Robin found that she could enter the lab with the same spell as the classrooms indeed, but this time she made the effort to lock the door behind herself with the corresponding spell for once. Only then she felt like she could finally loosen the grasp on her bag, could finally allow herself to hurt, could take a true breath at last. The small space really had a calming effect on her, even now. She didn't bother lighting up the candles before she dropped her bag in a corner and sat down on the floor with her back against the side of one of the shelves. Having the wood pressing her jumper against her sore skin wasn't the most pleasant feeling, but sitting at last was enough of a relief to still allow a deep relaxation to wash over her nonetheless. Now that the adrenaline was slowly wearing off and the necessity to protect herself was withdrawing in her head, she felt surprisingly dizzy as she stared out of the window into the last bits of dark grey sky that were slowly taken over by blackness. Before she knew it, the blackness had swallowed her as well. _

===============

The next thing Robin noticed was a feeling of heat and cold at once. And a terrible throbbing in her head. A small groan escaped her lips as her body felt like lead when she shifted from one uncomfortable position to another. Then her ears picked up on a movement to her right and her eyes fluttered open at last to see the lab being dimly lit by a soft glow coming from the fireplace. Right… she still was in Professor Snape's laboratory. Another faint groan left her lips as she realized that she really shouldn't have fallen asleep in here… even if it had been more of passing out than falling asleep in the first place. Then her eyes wandered through the room until they were met by dark ones observing her in return, and Robin jumped with a sharp intake of breath.

"I-I'm so sorry, I really… I mean I didn't-..." She started, but was interrupted before she could get out a proper apology.

"Stop." Was all he said at first, before he knelt down next to her with a roll of his eyes that didn't seem to be directed at Robin though. "Drink." He ordered as he held out a vial to her, giving Robin a serious déjà vu of her first year. But she obeyed nonetheless, not even bothering to ask what it was she was trying to keep down despite its horrible taste. Her body was hurting enough to currently put a pause to her curiosity, and she found that she trusted Snape enough at this point to do as he said without second thought. Curious, really… she hadn't really thought about it before, but now she was forced to notice that she  _ did  _ trust him indeed. She couldn't currently think of anyone she trusted more, in fact, but maybe that was simply due to her current situation and condition.

"I'm sorry." She tried again after a few seconds, and while he remained sitting on the ground a few steps away from her, his eyes were fixed on something on the other side of the room. "I really didn't mean to… pass out like that, or to-..."

" _ Stop. It. Now. _ " He interrupted her again, pointedly slowly while still refusing to look at her, and Robin's heart squeezed painfully in anticipation of a thorough scolding or simply a row of insults. "Tell me what happened."

Finally something clicked in Robin's mind, seeing as the pain in her body slowly dimmed down, and she realized what must've gotten her professor so upset. She really could've thought of that earlier…

"Nothing, actually, I was surprisingly successful!" She started, deliberately positive in her tone, while getting up onto her feet so hastily that she felt dizzy again and swayed a little as her sprained ankle still hurt more than expected when she walked. Still, she quickly reached for her backpack in the corner, then turned back towards Snape who had gotten up as well and was now looking at her with an unreadable expression at last. Robin chose to ignore that though, for the sake of her attempt to prove that he indeed didn't have a thing to be concerned about, and moved over to the closest table to unpack her assigned purchases while she spoke on. "Sorry if my… current condition is a bit, well, battered, but this only happened after I returned from Hogsmeade and I'm very certain that nobody saw me like this until I came to your classroom. So… I didn't make any bad impressions and all that. More importantly, I was able to get all of the ingredients on the list in the shop you sent me to. Admittedly, the man there tried screwing me over by selling me Granian hair instead of Abraxan, but we sorted that issue out fairly quickly and I'm rather certain that he wouldn't have dared to give me the wrong ingredients a second time. However I still would prefer for you to confirm that, sir, seeing as I don't really know what I'm doing at all and I'm babbling again, so… I'll just shut up now."

Snape's expression was very much mixed, if not entirely unreadable again, as he looked at Robin and her hopefully positive half smile for a few more seconds, before taking two long strides to stand on the other side of the table Robin had put the seven items onto and was currently using as a support to keep from falling over. With a considering, sharp look that brought a shiver to Robin's skin, he studied the ingredients one by one, and only at last looked back to her on the opposite side.

"He did give you the correct ingredients, and very likely also the best one he had of each." He finally replied to at least the most important aspect of Robin's previous stream of words, and then raised his eyebrows in question. "He tried selling you Granian, you said?"

Now it was for Robin to straight out blush, seeing as she hadn't originally meant to tell him about that, but after everything else that had happened afterwards, she had kind of… forgotten. "Well, yeah, but only because I was being a dunderhead. I… kind of didn't tell him that you had sent me, at first, and I really just wanted to see how far I could get on my own."

"That was both stupid and dangerous."

"Yeah, I know…" Actually, she did get stupid, but dangerous she didn't really see. "That's why I said I was being a dunderhead… with too much pride and too little care. It won't happen again."

"Seeing as you were successful on your own however, I would be rather curious to know the specifics." 

"Well, uh… He wanted to kick me out right after I entered the shop, I returned a rather bold insult directed at said shop, then he tried selling me the wrong things, I called him out, he apologized and brought out the correct ones, I glared at him some, he called me scary and assured me that those were the real deal, then I gave him your name and left." Robin stated without much fuss. There really wasn't a reason not to tell Snape about this if he wanted to know… and there he had the short version.

"How did you know that he was trying to cheat you?"

"I honestly didn't. I made an educated guess about the hairs, seeing as they were the only thing I recognized from that book of yours I read two weeks ago, and that sufficed for him to believe I knew what I was doing. Admittedly, I would've preferred to… you know…  _ actually _ know what I'm doing instead of bluffing, but for today that had to be enough."

"That is… remarkable." He stated neutrally, and Robin believed she had misunderstood him. Had he really just said that she had done something even remotely good?!

"I hope I will be better prepared next time, I…" She halted, then averted her eyes down to the table in the realization that it was very much possible, if not likely even, that there wouldn't be a next time. "Nevermind."

"You will be." He replied a few seconds later, and even though he still seemed to make more efforts than usual to stay completely neutral, his words still brought a small smile to Robin's entire face as he continued. "Now, would you  _ please  _ sit down before you faint again? The way you claw at the poor table is… just pathetic."

Now that sounded more irritated, if not irritable, than his previous statements and therefore Robin didn't mind being called pathetic for once. It very likely was just another occasion of Snape not knowing how to be nice without making it look like he was being nice, and she was getting used to it even though she couldn't say she deemed it an acceptable behavior. But who was Robin to openly judge a professor, or anyone but herself really… Thus she sat down on the ground once more with a quiet hiss, and leaned against the wall so she was facing the fireplace. 

"Better?" She asked as she looked up at Snape, and then watched how he stepped around the table to lean against the edge of it.

"Yes." A pause, filled with the quiet crackling of the burning wood. Robin looked at Snape for a moment longer, then turned to stare into the fire. Obviously he had no intention to tell her to leave, and Robin had none to go in return. The silence was nice, but he broke it fairly quickly. "Seeing as we have made it abundantly clear now that the ingredients are complete, correct and unimpaired, I would still like to hear what happened."

"I thought you meant the errand run… when you asked what happened…" Robin returned quietly, feeling a bit uneasy to talk about the other incident.

"I want to know what happened to  _ you _ , Miss Mitchell. You cannot truly expect me to refrain from asking questions when you show up in my classroom bruised and beaten, belonging into the hospital wing rather than a potions classroom, and then pass out on the floor of my laboratory."

Robin bit her bottom lip in shame, and maybe a bit of regret for burdening him with all of this. She hadn't even thought about that, actually, before heading straight to his classroom indeed. "Why did you help me instead of sending me to the infirmary, if you don't mind me asking? I mean… you could've just let them take me there while I was… out… and not be bothered anymore."

"You chose to come to me and not to Madame Pomfrey upon your return, and even if I find that choice highly debatable, I would not disrespect your decision by taking it from you." He replied as if it was the most obvious thing ever. "Besides, you did not seem too gravely injured, so I believed a healing potion would be sufficient for now."

"Thank you. For all of that." Robin replied sincerely as she looked back up to him once more. He might very well be the first person who actually seemed to consider her choices as something to be respected in the first place, and she was even more thankful for that than for the potion that had taken at least most of the pain away.

"Don't thank me, Mitchell, tell me what happened. Who did this to you?" He demanded once more, clearly uncomfortable yet again about being thanked in all honesty. But seeing as he had done her a huge favor in allowing her to come here (and thus to pass out in private instead of in the possible company of the wrong people), Robin complied to his request without further hesitation.

"Not a 'who', professor… I had a small run-in with the whomping willow." She sighed, but moved on immediately before he could cut in. "Before you think I'm ACTUALLY stupid, let me explain how it got that far. You see, yesterday night, when we were talking about the books and the ingredients… well, anyway, some kids heard that I was running an errand for you today, and they felt particularly curious to find out what it was all about. And since I obviously refused to even confirm any of their suspicions, they grouped up, snatched my backpack, and after a redundant little chase game, they got tired of me not giving up on it and hurled it into the branches of the whomping willow before running off. I'm sure you can imagine the rest, seeing as I got the bag without it taking any damage."

"As it seems, you took the damage instead." He commented in slight distaste, but then returned to inquiring. "Who were these children and how did they come to know of the fact that you are working with me?"

Working with Snape? Huh… Robin liked that he thought of it this way. It made her feel proud to have put so much effort into today's task, and guilty to give him a very unsatisfying reply now. "The first thing I don't know, and the second… I'd rather not say."

"And just  _ why  _ would you want to protect those imbeciles whose irresponsible and condemnable behavior has left you in such a state?" This at least got the thick layer of neutrality to wear out a little and show just a bit of incredulity and sincere curiosity.

"I'm not trying to protect anyone, sir. Truly, I thought about which method of torturing them would be the most gruesome for most of my way back to the castle. Aaand… I probably shouldn't have said that. Anyway, I really don't know the names of the boys who took my bag."

"Gryffindors?"

"Slytherins. A year above me." Robin replied with a partially apologetic but mostly sad half smile. "Funny how everyone else is bickering with the other houses and I can't even get along with my own, isn't it? But it really doesn't matter, actually. They are just…" She didn't know how to finish that sentence, and stared back into the fire with a huff. What were they, exactly? Normal?

"Not worth your efforts." Snape finished the sentence for her, and Robin's sad smile turned into more of a real one. 

"Yeah. Guess that's why I don't know their names, huh?" She snorted to herself but didn't take her eyes off the flames. They were such a contrast in their relentless movement to the quiet calm of the laboratory… 

"And how did they come to know that you were worth bothering?"

"Funny way to put it… I'm worth to be bothered… I don't really think I'm worth anything to them though, not even to be bothered. They were rather interested in you, sir, not me." Robin thought for a moment, but then decided to tell him anyway. "They heard from David. He told them some things he must've overheard last night, but I can assure you they know nothing of actual relevance. David was more eager to tell them that I got him into trouble with you, which of course is ridiculous, but oh well… what about people my age isn't."

"I despise that child." He grumbled in return, the same thing he had already said last night, and Robin had to chuckle again before she thought of something that wiped the smile off her face.

"Please don't punish either of them for this, professor, even if you happen to know who's to blame. I mean… if I may ask that of you without being terribly out of my place." She started in a serious tone. "Nobody but me could possibly know about what they did today, and if they get punished for it they will know I told on them… and I would only suffer more. Just like you said to me in my first year. That's why I only  _ thought _ about torturing them, too. Because revenge only leads to more suffering."

"If that is your wish, nobody will ever know I'm aware of the incident." He replied, much to Robin's surprise, but also to her great relief. "However, I shall also see to it that Mister Thompson's last day of detention tomorrow will be the worst he has ever lived to experience."

"That… is entirely up to you, sir." Robin said with a humored smile, putting the statement in place of a thank you. She would have to find another way to thank him eventually, one that didn't make him uncomfortable. Maybe chocolate cake. Or Twirls. She would surely think of something.

"It is fairly late, you should return to your dorm. Certainly rest would do you well after your 'run-in' with the whomping willow." He spoke up after a while of silence, and Robin frowned to herself as she realized that she had no idea how much time had passed since she had arrived here.

"Uh, what time  _ is  _ it, actually?" She asked as she rose to her feet with another hiss upon putting too much weight on her ankle. Damn thing… did healing potions not work on sprained ankles?

"Half past three at night. And may I suggest you to visit the infirmary tomorrow nonetheless to let Madam Pomfrey take a look at that?"

"What?!" Robin's frown deepened even more. "I mean yes, I'll have it looked at tomorrow… but half past three?!"

He actually shrugged upon that ever so slightly with an almost humored expression. "You were unconscious for quite the while."

"You should've woken me up! I had no intention to bother you for that long…" If Robin hadn't felt embarrassed enough tonight, this gave her the rest. And still… it had been kinda nice of him to let her rest. Or maybe he simply couldn't be bothered, who knows.

"Seeing as you were sleeping in a corner most of that time, you didn't bother me at all, actually." He replied calmly as he moved to put away the newly acquired ingredients at last. "I had work to do anyway."

"Still…" Robin mumbled to herself, glad that the dim light of the room would hide most of the deeply scarlet color in her face. With as little limping as possible, she picked up her backpack from the table and shouldered it carefully to not hurt herself more, even though the potion she'd been given had taken care of most of the soreness and scratches, which merely left the bruises and her ankle to be taken care of in the morning.

"Come back here to the laboratory after dinner tomorrow." He commanded ever-neutrally as Robin made for the door.

"Sure." She replied before she thought, but once she thought, she frowned. "For what, exactly?"

Snape rolled his eyes in that exaggerated manner, but not without making sure she saw the gesture. "We will be starting on the potion, obviously. Or did you think this would start and end for you with a mere shopping trip?"

"I… was rather hoping it wouldn't, sir." Robin replied with a smile she didn't even try to hide. "But I wasn't all too sure about the extent of my involvement."

"As I said, Miss Mitchell, all or nothing." 

"I'll gladly take the 'all' then. Or rather… give the 'all', if I can." 

At last the not-smirk was back, but he tried to hide it by turning his back to Robin, however not nearly quick enough for her not to notice. "I expected nothing less of you. Goodnight, Miss Mitchell."

"Goodnight, professor." With that, Robin made her slow way to her dorm in the silence of the night. Half past three… bloody hell. If this was what Snape considered normal working times, she'd surely be in for something interesting over the next two months.


	16. Secrets - Part 6

Unsurprisingly, working with Snape was absolutely demanding and still (or therefore) absolutely delightful. The Sunday evening they had started the slow process of making the potion, Robin had mostly watched Snape working and listened to him explaining what he was doing as he moved along. But over the days and weeks, she was allowed to do more and more herself, and somehow, miraculously, a second chair had found its way to the laboratory by the end of the third week. Being allowed to do more practical work, however, had come at the cost of Snape correcting literally  _ everything  _ Robin was doing for a good amount of time. Whether it was cutting something up, separating something else, or even something as simple as stirring… he always had something to complain about.

Robin loved every second of it dearly, even though she would accidentally sass him sometimes in return to his corrections of whatever she did. There also was no denying that she was learning more than she had ever expected, and even though the times when they actually had to work on the potion were not more frequent than two to three nights a week, she always looked forward to it from the very moment she left the lab in the first place. 

Unfortunately the two months came to an end eventually, and Snape summoned her to the lab on a Saturday night in December to bring their work to an end with the very procedure this all had led up to. The restoration of the page. Honestly, Robin didn't know what to expect of it. They still had no idea what was hidden on that page, but she felt honoured that she was allowed to be here for the final revelation nonetheless. He was by no means obliged to keep her around at any point, especially not now, and Robin was well aware of that, which was what had led her to be all the more grateful in return.

"What do you think we will find on that page, professor?" She asked as she sat on her stool, observing how he placed the old book on the table, opening it to the two pages that enclosed the missing one.

"If I knew, we would not have to go through with this entire procedure."

"I  _ know _ that you don't know… But what is your assumption? What do you think is worth hiding like this?"

"I do not know, Miss Mitchell." He sighed, but then turned to her as he lifted an eyebrow. "What is your assumption then, if you expect me to have one?"

"Well… I've actually spent quite some time thinking about this." She smiled to herself for a moment. Truth be told, she had been thinking about little else over the course of the last two months. "Seeing as this page is probably from the Renaissance, it would be something THEY deemed worth hiding. So I asked myself: What was worth hiding in the 15th and 16th century? The answer would be: basically the same as today. Sex and power, the driving forces of mankind since the very beginning. Now, I honestly doubt, or rather I want to doubt, that this entire spell is about sex, so I'm staying with power. The means to power are control and protection, which leaves us basically with weapons and security. Now back to the Renaissance: as far as I remember and as far as the library here allows me to research, most of the European countries weren't actually counties but basically a rag rug of principalities and such. That again leads me to believe that wars, especially of the magic kind, weren't  _ actually _ fought on a scale large enough that would bring forth a weapon strong enough to be worth hiding like this. That leaves us with security, and thus protection. Which is, to finish this off, what I believe this page is about. A protection spell."

Mildly amused and badly hiding it, Snape raised an eyebrow at her once again. "You seem fairly confident in your thesis."

"If I wasn't confident in it, it would hardly be a thesis worth upholding." Robin smirked. "I would even bet my non-existent birthday presents on it."

"If they are non-existent, that statement hardly counts for anything, does it?"

Now Robin had to laugh out loud indeed. "True, unfortunately. But I'm still fairly certain about my thesis."

"Then we shall see if you are correct." Snape mused and finally moved on to follow the instructions in Robin's literature spell book. First, one had to make the potion. They'd done that already, at least. Then the potion would have to be drizzled over the part of the spine on the inside of the book where the page was missing. Snape allowed Robin to do this step, and it admittedly was an easy task, but she was only too happy to get to do something in this procedure at all. Next, the actual spell had to be spoken, which Robin gladly left for her professor to do, as she honestly didn't even know how to pronounce the words she'd read on the page. After that was done, the instructions merely said to wait, and then they would be done. So that's what they did, merely sitting on their stools and staring at the book while waiting for something to happen.

"Do you think it worked?" Robin asked after five minutes of silence, when still absolutely nothing had happened

"Yes."

"I honestly can't believe it was this easy after freaking two months of making that potion."

"Luckily efficiency not always correlates to effort."

"I hope you know that I'm very grateful that I got to help you in this, sir, no matter how difficult or easy it is. I've learned so much, and I truly believe that I've never felt so filled with… passion, and joy, and curiosity, in anything ever before."

"I know." It was a simple statement, but Robin understood what he meant to express. He wouldn't have made an effort to teach her any of the things she'd learned if he didn't know she appreciated it.

"Good." She returned with a smile, then looked at the book once more only to jump in her seat. "Bloody hell! It's glowing! It's actually working!"

Snape rolled his eyes, but still had to suppress the not-smirk at the same time, which was only a partial success, seeing as Robin still noticed it. "Of course it's working, Mitchell, get over it."

"Sorry." She bit her lips and tried to contain her sheer excitement, but it honestly was difficult. It was actually working! "It's just… a spell I found, in my book, with a potion we made, restores your book page! How amazing is that!"

"You seem to have had fairly few successes in your life if you get that excited over this one." 

"Well, all successes I've ever had were utterly unimportant in the grand scheme of things. Getting good grades, winning minor quarrels, scaring scummy shop owners… It wasn't anything worth mentioning. But this could be something amazing! Something that actually matters!"

"We will see in just a short moment." He mused, then turned towards the book and once the page was entirely restored at last, he went to read it over once, twice, another time…

"And?" Robin asked anxiously, after giving him almost fifteen minutes to read that one single page. Nobody needed that long to read a couple words!

"Shush."

She rolled her eyes, but complied. If the past two months had done anything, they had proven to her that the odd amount of trust she put into Snape was actually justified. And thus she waited another ten minutes until he finally turned to her with a grave expression.

"Is… is it something… bad?" Robin tried again, and her insecure frown met his stoney gaze for a moment until she looked back at the book.

"You should read it." Was all he said, before standing up from his stool and busying himself with whatever he could to obviously distract himself from whatever it was he had just read. To think about it, perhaps.

In an instant Robin's eyes were glued to the book. It  _ was  _ a protection spell indeed! The grin was on her face immediately, and she felt proud to have come to the right conclusion. As she read on, everything became a bit clearer, and yet also a great deal more confusing. It wasn't a spell… it was a potion. After reading it a second time, she looked up from the book and her eyes found her professor's across the room. "Quite frankly, I'm not sure I understand."

"I would be surprised if you did."

"Why?"

"Because I am not certain I understand it either, and I would much prefer if I didn't."

"What?!" Robin frowned at him in honest question. "Why would you hope you don't understand? What exactly is it you believe to understand?"

"You were the one to guess that it was a protection spell. Why don't you tell me what you understand?"

"Alright…" Robin sighed and let her eyes travel over the page once more, before looking back up at Snape. "As far as I got any of this, it's a potion, not a spell."

"Good. Go on."

"Well, it is supposed to protect the person drinking it from the influence of any kind of magic. But not their own, somehow. So… it's like a two-way mirror, kind of. Nobody can magic you, but you can magic everyone else."

"Precisely."

"But…" Robin added reluctantly.

"But?" Snape frowned in return, clearly not having expected her to continue.

"Yeah, but…" Robin frowned as well, as she looked at the page once more. "It seems like this spell will only protect…" She stopped there, feeling like this was probably a really silly thought. If Snape hadn't understood it this way, it was probably wrong anyway.

"Do go on." He encouraged, or rather demanded though.

"It sounds like it only protects half bloods. Or maybe also muggle borns, I'm not sure… but definitely not pure bloods." 

In an instant, Snape was by her side and looking at the book as well in an astonishing intensity. "Where did you read that?"

Robin pointed to a paragraph at the bottom of the page. "Here it says  _ 'Only thee who is't hast ventur'd both worlds shalt beest the one who is't dwells in the safety of the beshrew's blessing'. _ In my opinion that would roughly translate to  _ 'Only you who has ventured both worlds shall be the one who dwells in the safety of the curse's blessing'  _ in modern day language. And seeing as the entire book is a mixture of the muggle and wizarding world, I just thought that those are what's meant with 'both worlds'. The only people who usually know both worlds are muggle borns or half bloods. So… yeah."

Snape read the short paragraph again, then looked up at Robin in sincere astonishment. "I believe you are right, Miss Mitchell."

"Wait, what? Really!?" Robin stared back at him in equal surprise and doubt, eyes wide as they searched for any sign of mock in his own. But he was entirely serious.

"It seems fairly obvious now that you pointed it out, but I must admit… I failed to notice it before." He commented, reading the paragraph yet another time.

Had he just-... No, surely not… but he definitely  _ had _ admitted that she had found something he hadn't, right? Right?! Robin was too stunned to even give any proper reply, so she simply offered him a happy half smile.

"However I am not certain if this means that pure bloods cannot make the potion, or if it will not affect them, in disregard of the ones who made it." He mused after a few seconds, and Robin finally snapped out of her daze as the words sunk into her brain.

" _ Them _ ?" She asked before she could stop herself from saying anything at all. "Do you mean… you're not…?"

Immediately he shot her a defensive glare. "That is not even remotely of your concern."

"I'm sorry." Robin replied quickly and while she still felt curious, she also regretted bringing it up. "I really didn't mean to pry, sir."

"Simply forget about it, will you?" He murmured, then turned towards the book once more. 

"So… why does it matter if they cannot make it or if they merely cannot use it?" Robin asked for the sole sake of a change of topic. 

"You know the answer to that." He replied with a pointedly annoyed expression.

"I do indeed…" Robin whispered to herself, then looked at the book in front of her, and finally to the ingredients on the shelves. She really had screwed this up, hadn't she… It had been truly stupid to ask him something that personal. "Sorry…"

"Don't apologise. You had a crucial part in the project, and this discovery is your merit as well as it is mine. A potion like this has been searched for for centuries, and would any of this become known… It would be revolutionary."

"...would? We're not going to… to tell anyone about it?" Robin asked in surprise, and a mild twist of disappointment. "But… we can try it out at least, right?"

"No." He replied with a quiet solemnity that made Robin's heart sink even further. "This potion is dangerous, more so than you likely realize."

"But how? Why?!" Robin asked in desperate incredulity. "What's wrong with protecting yourself against your enemies? This potion could help so many people…"

In a moment's notice, Snape turned to Robin entirely, not even an arm's length away, and looked down at her with such a seriousness and intensity that she inevitably shuddered. "Nobody can know that this potion exists. Not a single soul but you and me, do you understand that?"

"I do." Robin replied quietly, as she still looked up at him with sad eyes. "But please, at least tell me why."

"Promise me that you will never lose a single word about it to anyone but me. Not the other teachers, not a friend, not even Professor Dumbledore or the Minister of Magic himself." He really seemed to be dead serious about this, and Robin started feeling sick with anxiety again. If he truly wanted her to swear her silence, he had a reason to. 

"I promise." She replied in complete seriousness and utmost honesty. "I don't know if it means anything to you, but I promise."

"It does." He replied a little less gravely, and took a step backwards, out of her personal space. "Coming from you, it does."

"Can you… please tell me why this is so dangerous?  _ Please… _ I just wanted to understand." Robin tried once more after a moment of silence, not even caring if her begging was pathetic, but she needed to know.

"Do you know Oscar Wilde, Miss Mitchell?" He asked completely out of context, or so it seemed, and Robin only looked even more lost.

"Yes, I… I've heard of him."

"I thought so. He supposedly said: _ 'Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth'. _ " Snape made a small pause, and Robin considered the quote for a moment before he spoke on. "In my eyes, the same principle applies for might. Make someone believe they are invincible, and they will show their true self in their actions. Now, I'm certain you are aware of the propensity of mankind to oppress their oppressors, if given the chance. What do you think would happen to the muggle borns after centuries of being oppressed by the pure bloods, if they gained access to a potion that makes them invincible?"

" _ Oh… _ " Robin's face softened from pouting incredulity to actual understanding, but her chest still felt painfully small for her thudding heart. "It-it could lead to some very serious damage in the world, I guess. There's always someone willing to start a revolution… but we mustn't give them an opportunity for that." She finally concluded on her own, nodding to herself as if to help the words sink into her mind and shake out the disappointment.

"Precisely." He confirmed, back to neutrality if not even a subtle touch of calmness. "That is why nobody can know of its existence. Do you understand that now?"

"I do… and I agree, even. I just didn't really consider that something so good could be used for something so bad." She sighed, picking at the buttons of her shirt subconsciously rather than by choice, and looked from Snape down to the book. "What do we… what will you do with it?"

"The very same thing the previous possessor did. Destroy the page, keep the book of nonsense safe." He replied as he sat back down on his own stool, and Robin could feel his eyes on her even though she kept staring at the book to hide her tears.

"So all efforts were for nothing, huh?" Her voice was throaty and thick, and Robin felt like they got stuck in her chest in the first place. She had been so focused on this whole thing, had put so much of her heart into it… and now it would be destroyed, and thus every chance of possibly continuing this out of class work with Snape was over once and for all. That maybe –no, definitely– was even worse than the loss of this remarkable potion that had been lost in the first place anyway.

"Will you stop being so dramatic, now…" He gave right back, feignedly scolding, but it did its job and Robin pulled herself together as he spoke on. "Nothing about this project by any means was in vain, seeing as we both learned a valuable lesson. And wouldn't you say it was our aim to solve a mystery rather than strive for material gain?"

Once again, Robin had to realize that Snape was right. Of course he was... It was ridiculous to be upset over this, she should be happy indeed that they had actually managed to solve the mystery. That she had gotten to help, and that she had gotten to learn so much over the last two months. In this new light, the tears stopped burning in her eyes and she could blink them away before looking up at her professor with an attempted half smile. Better. 

"We definitely did solve the mystery." She said, and the smile reached her eyes a moment later. "And I definitely learned a lot from all of this, and from you, professor. It truly was a joy."

"Your understanding of joy is rather curious, if you consider being constantly corrected one."

"I consider potions a joy. And learning." Now she had to smile for real, and the sadness faded from her mind like clearing fog. This wasn't the end.

"That is… acceptable."

Robin had to snort at his choice of words. "It's  _ 'acceptable' _ ? May I ask, what did you learn, sir, if you say we both learned something from it? Is it just the spells and potions or… something else?" 

His face went straight back into stony nothingness, and Robin believed she had said the wrong thing  _ again _ as he got up and walked across the room to fetch an empty bottle, probably to store the remainder of the potion.

"I learned that at least one person in this school full of dunderheads is worth my time and efforts." He finally replied, likely as indifferently as he could manage, but the words were clear enough even without any means to convey them appropriately. Professor Snape deemed Robin worth his teaching. He didn't regret allowing her to help. Maybe he would even let her do it again. Robin's smile widened into a grin before she could help it.

"That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me, I believe." She smirked before she could think better of it.

"Who said I was speaking of  _ you _ ?" Came his immediate reply, but now both his tone and expression clearly gave away the obvious tease. Robin found herself enjoying it… those extremely rare moments when he wasn't void of any sentiment, on the outside.

"I beg your forgiveness for being so pridefully assuming." She laughed, and there it was again, the sarcasm she got scolded for more often than not. And still Robin couldn't wipe the smirk off her face.

"Forgiveness granted."

"That was easy…"

"Careful."

"I'm in the potions master's private laboratory… whatever else would I be but careful?" While her tone was still anything but serious, he actually seemed quite pleased with her statement, and that made Robin smile even more. Slowly her cheeks were starting to hurt again… it was odd how she always seemed to go through a wide array of emotions in the shortest time spans whenever she was around Professor Snape. He was irritating, and everything he did was too. That must be it.

While Snape filled the remainder of the potion into the bottle he had just retrieved, and then labeled it and put it away into one of the shelves, Robin looked over the page with the dangerous-protective potion again (she couldn't find a name anywhere and thus that's what her mind had labeled it, for now). Would destroying it really prevent it from being found in the future? Sure, Snape was brilliant, but if a potions professor and a third year student could restore it almost by chance, then who said nobody else would in the future?

"Professor… can I ask you something?" Robin started her attempt to voice just that thought in a way that wouldn't possibly sound like an insult to him.

"You may ask, but there is no guarantee that I will answer."

"So… I was wondering if the spell we used to restore the page in the first place, and with spell I mean potion and spell and the entire thing, if, you know…" Just get the question out, idiot! "Don't you think someone like us will eventually do the same thing we did? I mean restoring the page that you're destroying now. Wouldn't that simply be a delay of things, if the next person finding it isn't as considerate of its dangers?"

He seemed to really consider her words for a moment, which he had done quite often over the last weeks actually, before he looked at Robin when answering. "That is possible, yes."

"So maybe… a repetition of history wouldn't necessarily be the… best idea?" Robin suggested vaguely and already made a face that clearly showed what she expected him to reply with. A scold, namely. 

"What would you suggest I do instead?"

Now, she hadn't expected that. But she'd take the opportunity to voice her thoughts a little more in detail. "So this is the point where my logic kind of depends on my very limited knowledge of things, but… I was thinking, if there really isn't another possibility but to restore the page with a spell-potion-whatever thing like we did, then one should consider how the process of restoration works. From what I understand, the spell in my book refers to the destruction of the page itself which is, kind of, reverted by the procedure we just did as well. Seeing as you said two months ago that all the  _ book  _ restoration spells you tried didn't work in this case, that would –with a bit of corners and loops– mean, in the end, that the page needs to be  _ destroyed _ first to be restored in the book. If it's not destroyed, while it simply being taken out of the book wouldn't qualify as destroying it I believe, one couldn't restore the page with the book alone."

"So?"

"So… You could take the page out of the book, but NOT destroy it. Because if the only means to getting the page back into the book is a restoration spell or potion, which in return only works if the page was destroyed in the first place, then nobody will be able to get their hands on the page if they have the book." Robin suddenly wasn't so sure about her idea anymore… what if he deemed it stupid? But she'd already voiced too many dumb thoughts around him to let that stop her now. "That of course would still leave open the possibility for the page itself to be found, when it's not destroyed, especially since it's no longer hidden by the book… However if you find out just what exactly counts as for the page being 'destroyed', you could always do something else to it to make it useless. Something that doesn't count as destroyed, and thus will make a restoration impossible, but will also make the page useless. In the end you will thus have a useless book, and a useless page, and neither can be made to function again."

"Where, pray tell, did you get that idea from in this instant?" He raised an eyebrow at Robin, but otherwise didn't give away what he thought of her suggestion. Idiot… 

"I… think. A lot." Robin replied lamely. "I mean, I don't know much, and I can do even less, but I'm fairly decent at thinking… I think." 

Snape rolled his eyes at that admittedly silly statement, and Robin tried to force the heat out of her face. For a minute, it was completely silent.

"Your mind truly is an ever-surprising quarry to delve in, Miss Mitchell…" He commented then, with a frown and a curious look at her, and while it wasn't really a compliment, his words still made Robin shiver for some reason. "I will consider your suggestion before making my decision about what is to do with the page and the book."

"Thank you, sir. I'm just glad it wasn't complete nonsense." Robin replied with a nervous chuckle, then scooted herself off her stool and awkwardly took a step towards the door before turning back once more. "Uhm, is there… anything else for me to do tonight?"

"If I'm not mistaken, you have an essay to write for my class." Aaand he was entirely back in professor-mode, scowl, bored indifference and all.

"I finished it last night, sir."

"I  _ assigned  _ it last night, Miss Mitchell."

"Yes, and I wrote and finished it after dinner. Proofread it this morning. Edited it this afternoon. All done now."

"The class really is too easy." Snape sighed dramatically. "Unfortunately, all the other students would fail if I made it any more difficult."

"Don't they fail as it is already?" Robin whispered more to herself than to him, and still received a glare and a not-smirk in return.

"Goodnight, Miss Mitchell." He said after two more seconds of silence, and Robin understood a polite invitation to leave when she heard one.

"Goodnight sir." She gave back before she let herself out, with a smile that didn't leave her face for the rest of the night.

_______________

It was almost a month later when Robin heard about the book, and the dangerous-protective potion again. Just as last year, she had decided to stay in the castle over Christmas break. However this year she actually knew from the start what she would be doing, and Professor Sprout seemed rather delighted about Robin's enthusiasm to help her out again. But one thing  _ did  _ change in comparison to last year. This year, Robin received a Christmas present. Not in the traditional sense, admittedly, but to her it would always be one all the same.

Seeing as she would only get the money from her parents once she would go home in the summer, Robin hadn't exactly expected to be given anything at all. And it surely wasn't given to her the way she would expect either. While usually the students who stayed here over the holidays received their presents in the common room upon Christmas morning, this is not how Robin came to hers. 

Christmas arrived in a whirlwind of snow and cold, just like last year, and it also went that way again. Robin worked in the greenhouse most of the time, but occasionally she would be sent to Hagrid's for a change. She hadn't really had much contact with the man in question before this particular Christmas break, but seeing as Professor Sprout didn't require her assistance every single day, the herbology teacher still was kind enough to refer Robin to the gamekeeper. He wasn't the brightest fellow, admittedly, but good-natured and kind to the bone, and that made Robin like him in an instant. She helped him out with all kinds of things, from taking care of the magical creatures (which she unfortunately knew nothing about since she hadn't taken this particular class) to simple work in the school garden, and admittedly, she did learn a lot from Hagrid, too.

In the evenings Robin would still come to sit in Snape's classroom, alone, for she still couldn't stand to be in the common room even though it had become rather deserted. The overwhelming panic she had felt in the beginning of the term hadn't been back since, but Robin assumed that it was solely due to the fact that she had been avoiding situations that made her panic in the first place at all costs. Christmas came and went this way, without a present, but with a good lot of practical work every day. She actually felt content, with enough decent company throughout the day, and enough time to read by herself at night. The only thing that nagged at her mind from time to time was the absence of a certain potions professor from the classroom or his office in the evenings, but then again, she reasoned that since he still showed up for most meals, he surely was fine. Still, she felt worried about him. A little. An appropriate amount. It was perfectly normal to worry about someone you usually saw every day. Almost. She didn't let his absence stop her from making good use of his classroom every evening though. The first night she didn't spend in there was New Year's. 

After her work of the day in the greenhouse was done, she got cleaned up and tidied her part of the room, then wrapped herself in her warmest clothes, and in sweet remembrance of last year headed out into the arcades that surrounded the courtyard at roughly eleven. With a soft smile she sat down in the same arch as last year, crossed her legs underneath her, and started to read her book on the care of magical creatures. Maybe she could convince some people to let her join the class after the holidays, if only she caught up with the class material before then. It's what she'd been trying to do ever since the first day of working for Hagrid, when she had discovered that magical creatures actually were a very much similar subject to herbology when it came to its usefulness for potions. 

"Becoming predictable, are we?" Snape's voice called out to her even before he was anywhere to be seen. 

"I'd rather say I've been spending surprisingly little time out here this Christmas." Robin replied with a smile, but kept her eyes on the book. At least she hadn't jumped again.

"What are you reading this year?"

"The textbook for the 'care of magical creatures' class. I thought about convincing whoever teaches it currently to let me join the class after the holidays."

"Where does the sudden interest stem from?" His voice had gotten closer now, and Robin believed he had once more taken a seat in the arch next to hers.

"It's surprisingly handy to know a bit about the creatures whose body parts and liquids we use in potion making. Just like it's useful to know herbology." She smiled to herself, eyes still on the book while yet she had stopped trying to read.

"Clever."

"That's what I'd rather hoped."

"Consider it done."

"What exactly?"

"Your inquiry to participate in the class. I will speak to Professor Kettleburn, and he will let you join once term resumes."

"Wha-... Thank you! That's… amazing! Really, thank you so much." Robin's eyes finally lifted off her book and she looked towards the arch next to her, but yet again could see nothing more than stone and ornamentation. 

"Yes, well… just do me the favor and make sure you are not ahead of the class right on the first day already." He mumbled in the usual discomfort upon being thanked, and still Robin had to snicker at the comment.

"Then I better stop studying their textbook now and leave the last two chapters for another day." She commented with a grin, and indeed closed her book in her lap only to rest her forearms on it to lean forward just enough to get a glimpse of her professor in the next arch. He looked gnarlier than usual, if one could even say that about someone that young, and Robin seriously wondered what he'd been up to during the holidays. But it wasn't her place to ask. 

Thus they merely sat in silence yet again, watching the snow falling slowly and calmly as the minutes ticked by without their notice. Robin did wonder for a moment why Snape was out here with her, but she dismissed the question when she couldn't even tell the reason why she was here herself. Maybe it was the calm, or the solitude. Even if technically it wasn't solitude in the first place, with it being the two of them, but still it was  _ like  _ solitude from all the stupid people. Just two people who understood the silence like a part of themselves. At least that's what Robin thought, and for her it was a good enough theory to stick to.

At last it was the noise coming from Hogsmeade again that made Robin aware of the turn of years, and she smiled to herself as she realized that she had spent another new year's out here with the potions professor. Maybe it was turning out to be an odd little tradition, just like Professor Sprout's –who had told Robin that she always spends new year's sitting in her room's window with a piece of cake, watching the fireworks in the distance– which she had told Robin about the other day. While Robin found the herbology teacher's tradition quite charming, she preferred her own that hopefully would come into existence for real. Just Snape, and silence, and darkness, and Robin. She could very well live with that. Too well, perhaps.


	17. Secrets - Part 7

Neither of them said a word, not even for wishing the other a happy new year, nor however did they make any move to leave. Eventually the noise made way for the silence again, and they were still sitting in their respective archways. Somehow Robin didn't want to be the first to go, even though she was starting to feel cold. But cold was usual, and comfortable was rare. A true feeling of comfort, at least. Especially now that Snape didn't come to the classroom in the evenings anymore. Robin frowned to herself upon the thought; when had his presence become something she enjoyed so much? For more than just the possibility of learning something, namely as in experiencing actual joy in having him around? She didn't know. It didn't matter. He was the only truly bearable person around, that probably was enough of a reason to appreciate his company.

"Your teeth are chattering." His statement finally brought Robin back to the real world, and she realized with a start that he was right.

"Uh, yeah, well… sorry. I should probably… go back inside." She said and got up, out of the arch, to shake out her frozen limbs. A few seconds later she started towards the dungeons indeed, and after another few he was walking next to her.

"If you have another second of your time to spare, I would like to give something to you." He finally said after a moment of just walking in the same silence they had been sharing for the past hour.

"Uh, certainly…" She replied with a small frown, and seeing as he made no attempt to stop walking towards the dungeons whatsoever, she simply let him lead the way.

"Wait here." He ordered once they reached the door to the laboratory, and Robin complied with the same frown on her face that she's been wearing for the past few minutes. As he disappeared into the room and closed the door behind himself, Robin leaned against the opposite wall and enjoyed the darkness around her. It was funny how she'd never actually used a spell for lighting up the hallways at night, when the candles were unlit, but always had thought that she could see well enough. Many of the Slytherins actually had gotten so used to the darkness of the dungeons that whenever someone used a  _ lumos _ down here, it was almost always either a first year or someone from another house. That fact just seemed amusing to Robin right then, and she found herself smiling into the darkness even as the door was opened again.

"What, pray tell, is humoring you quite that much?" He asked doubtfully, the very second he seemed to notice Robin's amusement even as he stood next to her in the hallway again.

"Oh, just the darkness, professor…" Robin replied with another smirk, but then turned her entire attention back to him as he handed her a blank but closed envelope. 

"Open it in private." He ordered in a pointed statement, but then continued normally. "As it turned out, your suggestion was indeed best fit for the circumstance… however I will not say any more on the issue."

Robin didn't know what he was talking about, but she took the envelope and held onto it for dear life anyway, purely on instinct. She did that with anything that seemed even remotely important to her these days… had done so ever since the incident with her backpack in early October.

"Alright…" Her voice was more of a whisper than a real statement, for no other reason than that she didn't know what to say in the first place, since he had made it clear that he would not give her any further information. Seems like she would just have to open the envelope and see what's inside… her skin crawled at the thought, stuck somewhere between anxiety and excitement.

"Happy new year, Miss Mitchell." He said after a moment of merely looking at her in the darkness, with another unreadable expression that made Robin wonder even more what was in that envelope.

"Happy new year to you too." She replied with a small smile, then both of them headed their ways without another word.

The very moment Robin stepped into her room, having it to herself for the moment just like last year, she lit the fire in the oven and jumped onto her bed after shedding her jackets and shoes in lightning speed. Then she held the envelope in her hands again, heart beating frantically, and finally opened it with the utmost care. The first thing that fell into her hands was a small note, and she went to read it immediately in the hopes to make some sense of this situation at last.

_ Over the course of the last weeks I have taken precautions to ensure that it is not destroyed, but can never be used again. Yet, it would be unwise to keep it in my possession in its entirety, so I am giving half of it to you now, for you are the only one who can know. Keep it safe. _

Slowly Robin was starting to understand what was going on, what all this was about… but once she took the second piece of parchment out of the envelope, there was no doubt. Snape had given her half of their project, instead of destroying it. That's what he'd meant when he'd said her suggestion had been the best choice!!! Bloody hell… He had actually listened to her stupid idea! And now he was giving half of the greatest discovery of the century to her for safekeeping. Robin's lips parted as she stared at the tiny piece of parchment in her hand. It had been shrunken down to the size of little more than a fingernail, the letters not even readable as they floated over the page like a snowstorm. But it was unmistakably the same page they had restored a month ago. Well, half of it at least. 

As Robin moved to take off her necklace with the locket on it in order to place the precious piece of parchment inside, she wondered why on earth he would have chosen to give it to  _ her _ . Out of all the people, there… oh. She was the only person other than him who knew about the potion's existence, and she was the only one who could know in return. That's what he'd meant, and that's why he had given it to her. Admittedly, he also could have kept it to himself, or hidden the parts without having her in the picture at all... But he hadn't. He'd had the choice, and he had chosen to give it to her. Robin felt unbelievably proud of that, and stunned beyond words as she tied the locket back around her neck. She would keep it safe, as part of her promise to keep their secret. As a piece of proof that she deserved his trust.

Professor Snape had given her the best Christmas present she had ever received, and somehow, Robin found great delight in the fact that he would deny it to the very end. 

_______________

Whenever things went too well for an extended period of time at Hogwarts, Robin had learned to grow suspicious. In this instance, everything between the start of the new year and the beginning of April had been such a period of time. She had indeed been able to join the 'care of magical creatures' class, had spent every night in the potions classroom working on assignments or private studies, sometimes with and sometimes without Professor Snape being present, and not once had she been bothered by any of her peers or teachers. Really, it was highly suspicious. But one single class in the middle of April brought a sudden change to that, be it for the better or –more likely– for the worse.

It was Wednesday afternoon, one of those days when every ounce of concentration was hard to come by, and unfortunately also the time of day for Robin's defense against the dark arts class. The first surprise had come when the students had entered the room to find it cleared of all tables. Instead, right in the middle of the room, there stood a huge chest with a large lock on it. That… was odd. 

Robin set her backpack down in the back of the class like they all were instructed to, and couldn't help wondering what Professor Morgan was up to today. He'd been suspiciously indifferent to Robin all year long, and somehow she rather hoped that this wouldn't change now. A few minutes later and the riddle came to an end: they would be getting some practical experience for once! Morgan seemed rather pleased with himself as he explained the task… the chest held a boggart, a creature which transformed into the darkest fears of whoever faced it, and today the class was to learn how to defend themselves against it. Individually.

Robin already couldn't stand the task from the very second it was explained. She had read about boggarts, of course, and she wasn't all too concerned about facing one, but she wasn't all too fond of the idea of everyone in class seeing what she was most afraid of either. The thing was… she had absolutely no idea what she was most afraid of. Sure, there was a huge array of things she was scared of, but she had no idea which one was the worst fear of them all. There literally were a million things that scared her, but not one she wanted anyone to know about.

Professor Morgan did a quick demonstration of how to use the  _ riddikulus _ spell, while however –so Robin noticed immediately– he refrained from actually facing the boggart himself. Maybe he was too scared of giving his own fears away, or he knew that he might as well fail at even such a simple task; who knew… Then he had the students line up in a long row in front of the chest. Robin tried to stand as far in the back as she could, in the hope that maybe classtime would be over before it was her turn to go against the creature. She really wasn't looking forward to finding out what her worst fear was, especially not at the same time as her classmates and Professor Morgan did.

For a good while, Robin quietly observed what the other kids were scared of… A lot of snakes and spiders, some clowns and scary dolls, but also some more substantial things like murder or disease. The latter were particularly unpleasant to watch, as they gave Robin some serious chills and only furthered the churning of her stomach and the anxiety that she hid under her neutral facade as always. What on earth could be her own worst fear? Loss? Failure? Disappointing people she cared about? She really had no idea, but the more students successfully ridiculed the boggart, the closer she got to finding out.

Time indeed wasn't on her side today, and before long the person in front of her in line had successfully ridiculed the boggart to a dog with a sunflower as a head. Really, what a curious imagination some people had… Robin forced away every ounce of anxiety and wonder as she was up next, and drew her wand as she took on a defensive stance. To hell with this, she'd fought Professor Morgan and the Whomping Willow… there was nobody and nothing that could shock her now. She had rid her mind of fear, and every other emotion that could possibly be used by the boggart, so really, what was there to be scared of?

The sunflower dog looked up at Robin with kind eyes, panting quietly while Robin waited for it to change. A few seconds ticked by, people started whispering, and Robin took a step closer to the boggart. She held its intense gaze and put her entire focus on it, and yet it refused to change… she surely wasn't afraid of a cute little dog with a sunflower head! The whispering behind her grew louder, and Professor Morgan said something to address the class, but Robin's heartbeat drowned it out in her own ears entirely. If the dog didn't change soon, she would just-...

Then, in that moment, it did take on its form at last. The room fell silent but for a few quiet gasps, and Robin's lips parted as she stared at the new form the boggart had taken on… She stared at herself. Her very own eyes, not even an arm's length away, her very own body entirely. A few chuckles in the rows of students behind her, a few new whispers. But Robin only frowned as she stared at herself in confusion. She wasn't afraid of herself! The boggart must be wrong. And yet, when the boggart-Robin took a step towards the real one, the latter took an immediate step backwards in return. There was something in her own eyes that was eerie, something hollow, something ineffably dark. Boggart-Robin drew her wand and pointed it at the real Robin with a wicked smile that left the real Robin breathless, thoughtless even.

"Damn it, Mitchell,  _ react  _ for heaven's sake!" Professor Morgan's angry yell reached her through the thick fog in her mind, and the real Robin lifted her wand as well, in a weakly defiant attempt to fight her… it…  _ this _ . 

But her own eyes simply wouldn't let her go, the dark abyss behind them trapping her like an inescapable prison. She heard herself speaking the spell, but she didn't know which one of her it was that spoke. There wasn't a difference anymore, she was both of them and neither. She was falling into a bottomless abyss. In a last vain attempt to protect herself from her other self by any means, the thing that was her more than itself now, she thought of its lifeless body, splintering, like the mirror she had become, her own one, and tried the spell another time, any spell, anything. But the abysmal nothing had greeted her as one of its own already, and she became part of the darkness within herself. Darkness, but not her own.

… … … 

Voices… distant sound. A small murmur of broken speech. More words… more voices.

"You should leave."

"Whatever for?" 

"You have no business being here in the first place."

"But you do?"

"She is  _ my  _ student."

"As she is  _ mine… _ "

"What is it that you did to help, then?"

"Could you two be so kind and discuss this elsewhere?!" A third voice snapped, and Robin felt a sharp pain in her mind as she slowly came to. So the talking hadn't been a dream…

"Bloody hell…" She groaned under her breath in return, and all three voices died down immediately. Her eyes fluttered open, and she once more stared at the ceiling of the infirmary. Oh damnit… not again. At least it was lit by daylight for once.

"Oh, good, she's alive…"

Robin knew that voice, that feigned cheerfulness… She turned her head and blinked for a moment until the figures standing in the aisle between the beds regained some sharpness. Yup, undoubtedly, that comment had come from Professor Morgan. Honestly, Robin had expected nothing less than sarcasm and pretense from him at any point. But… what exactly had gotten her here again? She'd just been in class, and now…

"In that case, I will excuse myself… It is nearly dinnertime." Morgan said in a shallow positivity and Robin saw the blurry figure that was him leaving the scene. Good, he was going away… that could only make things better, really.

"Are you experiencing any sickness or dizziness?" Madam Pomfrey's voice on the other side of the bed drew Robin's attention to her.

"No… I'm just…" Robin moved to reply, distracted by her constantly sharpening vision that now allowed her to see that she'd merely been placed on top of a bed. That could only mean that it hadn't been long! But what had gotten her here in the first place? Oh gosh, that blackness… that boggart, the abyss… How did she feel? Not good, suddenly, not good at all. Panicked, anxious, drained, unsafe. Robin sat up abruptly, her eyes finding the matron at the end of the bed. "I-I'm totally okay, it's absolutely nothing, I'm very good. Just… fainted. A little. Can I go now please?" Her heart was pounding in her chest all too painfully, and she actually felt terrified… but why?

"Any headaches?" The woman asked again, completely ignoring Robin's pleas.

"No! I'm okay!" 

"Cramping in any muscles?"

Robin rolled her eyes, and had to forcefully bite down the desperate wish to give in to the flight instinct. "I. Am.  _ Fine _ ." If she let on any of these weird symptoms now, she would never get out of here. For some odd reason, she felt absolutely desperate to leave.

"What is your assessment, professor?" The matron asked with a glance to somewhere off to the side, and as Robin's eyes followed her line of vision, she almost jumped visibly indeed. She knew that the other voice had been familiar as well! But… what was he doing here? Sure, Morgan's presence had somewhat made sense, seeing as Robin had fainted in his class, but Snape? Why was he here?

For a few seconds Robin held his piercing gaze, and with every single one she found herself more and more unable to keep up her neutral facade. The anxiety, the wish to run, it was getting the upper hand. Why did Madam Pomfrey ask for his assessment? What was going on?

"I believe there is nothing that would warrant Miss Mitchell's stay in the hospital wing." He finally replied, and a second later Robin had already jumped off the bed and was getting ready to run without running.

"Thank you, for your… help with… whatever happened to me." She sputtered as she summoned her backpack with a wordless  _ accio _ , before turning around and making her way out of the room as quickly as dignity would allow. That was rather rude, Robin knew that, but she also couldn't help it.

Once outside of the infirmary, she got no further than to the end of the hallway before a hand on her shoulder stopped her in her haste abruptly. Robin yelped, the surprise causing the tension within her collapse like a card house, and she could barely blink away the tears that welled up in her eyes in return.

"We should go for a walk." Snape said before Robin could apologise for her previous mode of exit, and she found herself merely able to nod. His hand stayed on her shoulder as he led her out of the castle unseen by another and in mutual silence, through hallways and doors Robin didn't even know existed, until at last they arrived under the grey sky that showed the first signs of dusk. Only then he released her from his grasp, and oddly enough Robin immediately missed his hand on her shoulder once it had disappeared.

But she was away from everyone in the castle, outside under the open sky, and that finally allowed her poor heart to calm down bit by bit. For a while they followed a small path, still without a word, and Robin eventually felt like herself again. Almost… content. Especially when they arrived by the shore of the black lake, which really did look like a silver coated blackness now, in the fading light of day.

"You certainly have a talent for getting yourself into trouble." That was the first thing he said after half an hour of silence, and Robin let out a helpless chuckle in return. He was absolutely right, she did have a talent for ending up in some kind of trouble, while yet she never did anything to deserve it. Other than being who she was, that is.

"I apologise, repeatedly and profoundly." She sighed in return. "But I honestly don't even know what it  _ is  _ that I did this time. Or why they had to bother you with it. Or why I felt desperately inclined to get away from the infirmary."

"I can answer the first two questions. The answer to the third however, while I was well aware of the fact from the moment you woke up, shall remain as much a riddle to me as it is to you."

"You knew I had to get out of there?"

"It was hard to miss."

"Is that why you said they could let me go?"

"Yes. And seeing as a change of scenery has indeed seemed to calm your urge to flee, I would say my assessment was correct." 

"Thank you…" Robin sighed again, and walked along the shoreline at the exact spot where water met pebble. An odd little quirk she had picked up over time. "So, you said you could answer the first two questions…?"

"How much of what happened do you remember?"

"Well, I know that we were in class with Morgan, ridiculing a boggart all afternoon… he actually did a dreadful job at teaching us how to defeat it, if you ask me… anyway, I remember that when it was my turn to have a try with it, the stupid thing just didn't change for the longest time. Only after a while it did, and then… I believe it changed into myself." Robin paused for a moment as she frowned to herself and dug her hands deeper into her pockets. "Is that even possible? Or did I faint before that and simply dreamt the whole thing?"

"You did not faint." He replied calmly, factually, as he walked next to Robin at a slower pace now to adapt to the conversation. "And neither did you dream."

"Then what happened?"

"To Professor Morgan it appeared that the boggart took on your very own appearance indeed. As far as he can tell, you cast the wrong spell to fight it, which caused you to lose consciousness."

"That sounds like such a vaguely useless description only Morgan would give." Robin groaned in annoyance as she frowned down at the moving waterline next to her shoes. "I may not know what exactly happened, but I'm absolutely certain that it wasn't as easy as that."

"It wasn't." 

"Huh?" Her eyes snapped back up to Snape in mild irritation, as she wondered what he meant by that. He hadn't even been there, how would he know?

"Do you seriously believe I would have gotten involved if it was merely for a student fainting over a boggart?"

"Well, no… that's why I was so surprised to see you there when I woke up in the first place." Robin shrugged, but kept looking at him for an answer. "But why  _ did  _ you get involved, professor?"

"My assistance was requested, seeing as nobody else could determine what exactly it was that had happened to you. Based on Morgan's observation, you should merely have fainted, 'like girls occasionally do', as he put it..."

"I most definitely did not!" Robin rolled her eyes, but she was well aware that those were Morgan's words indeed. Snape's dismissive sarcasm was a rather precise indicator of that.

"That is what I told them. The spell you cast affected the boggart as much as it affected yourself, thus the spell's effect is what caused your… surrender to unconsciousness."

"Like a mirror?" Robin wondered before he could go on with his explanation. Yup, she was definitely feeling like herself again if she could succumb to curiosity. "Seeing as it and I… were reflections of each other, that would only make sense."

"Precisely like a mirror, Miss Mitchell." He seemed rather pleased with her conclusion, if the not-smirk was anything to go by. "Maybe they should let you teach Professor Morgan's class, seeing as he did not only fail to come to this conclusion, but also refused to understand it once it was explained to him. There are houseplants with more mental capacity than that man possesses."

Now that was certainly the most direct bashing of the defense against the dark arts teacher Robin had ever heard from Snape, or anyone really, and she couldn't help grinning to herself. It was true, after all… Morgan was an idiot for all she knew.

" _ Anyhow _ , my involvement in the issue resulted out of the sole fact that nobody could tell what spell you had cast, seeing as nobody had heard you saying a single word in the first place." Snape continued after a few seconds, clearly trying to pretend that the previous row of insults hadn't happened. Robin did him the favor and went along with it, seeing as the new information she was getting captured her attention anyway.

"But… I heard myself speaking." She frowned at the path ahead as they left the shore behind and grew more and more enclosed by woods now. "I mean, I don't know what spell I used either, actually… I can't recall if the boggart-me attacked me first or if I was the one attacking… It kind of swims together in my head." While that was entirely true, the memory of the hollow darkness in her own eyes still caused her to shiver, and the wicked smile on her lips made her blood freeze.

"It never made an attempt to attack you. You and the boggart stood frozen on the spot for multiple minutes, from what I heard." His reply barely registered in Robin's mind for a moment, but once it did, she didn't understand any of it.

"But… I _saw_ it coming at me! I… I saw myself fighting myself! It grinned and… and raised her… its wand to attack me! Or did I? Gods, this is just complete madness." She groaned to herself and hid her face in her hands for a moment. Why the heck was she her own worst fear?! What was that supposed to mean?

"It is quite complex, I have to admit." He mused, sounding like he was also trying to make sense of it, but still he did not sound even remotely as confused as Robin was.

That's when another one of those lightnings of insight struck her mind, and she looked up at her professor with a start. "How did you know what spell I used if nobody heard me saying it? I mean  _ obviously _ you must've found out what happened and how to undo it, seeing as I'm fine and taking an evening stroll with you."

For once it was Snape who carefully avoided Robin's eyes as he replied. "Everyone saw how you stared at yourself as if in a trace, and yet nobody understands what happened between you and the boggart. They saw no spell, and they saw nothing to fear. I was asked to look into your mind to make sense of it in order for them to help you." Going by both his tone and expression, he expected Robin to be angry about his violation of her privacy, even if it had only been meant to help her. Wait, did he actually feel concerned about angering her? That was surprisingly considerate… and yet Robin wasn't surprised at all. She knew that he wasn't indifferent to her well-being, he'd proven that often enough.

Admittedly, Robin  _ did  _ feel like her heart dropped into her stomach for a moment, then jumped up into her throat, and finally settled for a fast and steady beat in its rightful place. But she wasn't angry. Not at all, actually. "What… exactly did you see in my mind, professor?"

"You used a peculiar kind of petrifying spell, which I believe would indeed have worked to stun a boggart, under different circumstances. It could be undone fairly quickly with the correct procedure."

"That's… good to know. But it's not what I meant." Robin looked up at him with an expression that hopefully said more than her words did, for she didn't know how to actually put into words what she wanted to know.

"What did you mean, then?"

Robin sighed and rolled her eyes to herself in sheer dread of having to ask, then stopped in her sauntering and turned to face him straight on. "Did you… did you see what happened to me before the spell?"

"Yes."

Robin's eyes widened ever so slightly, and her heart skipped a beat. "Did you understand any of it at all?"

His expression fell into a scowl immediately. "What kind of pathetic question is that?"

"Sorry!!! Sorry… I really didn't intend for it to sound so rude, and it probably came out all wrong in the first place." She apologised immediately, her face a mixture of regret and worry. "It's just…"

"Do go on."

"But it's pathetic indeed." She reasoned with his own words, but when he rolled his eyes and waited for her to go on in feigned annoyance, she complied. Somehow, she didn't mind that he knew about her deepest fear. Not that she's had much of a choice in that, but going by his words, neither had he. Someone's _ had  _ to go into her mind to help her, and she was glad that it had been him. Maybe, he could help her make sense of it now. "It's just that  _ I  _ myself didn't understand it, sir. I have no idea what the boggart believed to be my deepest fear for it to turn into myself, and even thinking that it was myself I was afraid of leaves me no wiser."

"I merely saw what you saw, Miss Mitchell, and I felt what you felt. That is how it works. I cannot see more than you know, but I can draw my own conclusions out of it."

Now that was news to Robin… Snape had taught her quite a bit about occlumency, but legilimency in return had never been a part of that. If he had seen what she had, then maybe… "So you saw the… eyes?"

"I see your eyes every day, Miss Mitchell, that is hardly new to me."

His statement left her with an odd tingling on her skin that wasn't even all that unpleasant, but she ignored it for now. There were more burning matters. "Do they really look like that?" Once he raised an eyebrow at her in that annoyed, questioning urgency, Robin rolled her eyes against her better judgement and added, "I mean… do they really hold that-"

"Empty darkness?" He prompted, but didn't wait for a reply before answering in return. "No. They don't."

Robin let out a breath she didn't know she was holding, then closed her eyes for a moment in relief and turned away from him towards the lake in the growing distance. It was slowly getting too dark to see that far. Why had it been such an unknown burden to her that she might actually look like the boggart's version of her? Why was it such a relief to know that she didn't, in fact, look that dark, or insane, or empty? Maybe she  _ was _ her own worst fear indeed… what lay in her mind without her knowing, what she could become if she wasn't careful. But yet, she wasn't like that version of her she had seen. She believed Snape in that. Without taking her eyes off the barely visible shoreline between the trees, she felt the need to address something else she's had on her mind for the last minutes. "I… apologise that my actions put you in a situation where you had to look into my mind without my explicit permission."

"That is an odd thing to apologise for, seeing as it was  _ your  _ thoughts and memories I had to look into. Yet I do not believe that you are at fault for what happened today."

"But neither are you, sir."

As the silence took over once more after Robin's statement had faded into the evening, she turned back to see that Snape was looking at her in return, not with the scowl she had expected but in almost curious consideration. But he did not say a thing.

"Thank you for taking the time to go for a walk with me." Robin finally spoke up again. "I really appreciate that it was you who helped me make sense of this. And to be honest I also doubt that anyone else would even have been able to."

"That makes two of us." Snape replied with a not-smirk that for once was fairly obvious. "There hardly would have been another person who has even a remote understanding of the true complexity of the issue."

"Maybe it's better like that…" Robin sighed, as they started making their way back towards the castle. "I mean… how boring would it have been if my worst fear was anything short of absolutely confusing and ineffable? That would be so… ordinary." She actually heard something like a badly suppressed snort coming from the professor to her right upon her words, and that made her smile.

"Actually, I believe you are inherently incapable of being ordinary." He replied in that perfectly neutral tone again, in absolute seriousness with maybe the tiniest hint of humor shining through, and Robin simply had to laugh brightly in return, while a new wave of tingles ran from her head all the way to her toes. (A curious feeling, really…) 

Maybe they could take walks like this more often. It was delightful, entertaining, calming with just the two of them... He'd probably find that rather dreadful, wouldn't he? Robin had no idea.

But right then he looked almost content as he walked up the hill towards the castle, through the impending darkness and comfortable silence, consciously staying next to Robin despite her being slower than he probably fancied. 

The afternoon had brought a lot of bad for Robin, with the very likely possibility that she would be severely mocked for the incident, but it had at least led to one of the nicest walks she'd ever gone on, and maybe that might just be worth it. In her mind, it definitely was.


	18. The Dark of Night - Part 1

Surprisingly enough, the expected mock and scorn had stayed absent after the incident with the boggart in April. A few odd glances occasionally, and some abruptly ending whispered conversations whenever Robin entered the room had been the most of it. Her roommates had been even more neglectful, even more supremacist than usual, and it had gotten quieter rather than louder in the ranks of the people who despised her. For a while Robin had been deeply suspicious about it, but once the stressful period before the final exams had begun, she had forgotten about it like everyone else seemed to have. Thus the remainder of her third year had once more been filled with calm study nights in the potions classroom, borrowed books from Snape, and the occasional visit to the greenhouse or gamekeeper's lot for some helping out on the weekends.

Summer had arrived before Robin felt even remotely ready to head home. She had been quite heartbroken to leave behind her sanctuary in the dungeons, and to put another pause to the constant stream of borrowed books and late night snippets of academic conversation with her potions professor. Somehow, leaving Hogwarts got harder every single year and she almost felt guilty that there was so  _ very  _ little that excited her about going home. But she did, she had to, and the days spent in her family home ticked by like grains of sand in a desert that were slowly blown away by the wind only to gather elsewhere. 

Still, Robin picked up two habits over the summer: drinking instant coffee at all times of the day, and journaling. 

The former had started by chance one day, when they had run out of tea at home and Robin still had felt like having a hot drink. She'd actually discovered that she enjoyed the taste, after years of not bothering to try it, and she'd scolded herself for not remembering if they served coffee at school. Thus she made sure to bring a jar of instant coffee for the next term, and to simply multiply it if there was no other way of getting coffee around there.

The latter habit, journaling, had also started by chance, but not quite entirely. Robin had for the mere sake of it chosen to participate in a two-week creative writing workshop that was offered by one of her mother's colleagues, and afterwards chosen to keep up the habit that had started out as a mere class project. Admittedly, she had felt rather pathetic in the beginning, to write sappy poetry and badly phrased short stories for class, but eventually she had found a mode of writing that didn't make her feel like an overly dramatic teenage girl. In the weeks following upon that, she filled up the entire class journal and then moved on to a nicer one she'd bought with her Christmas money on a day trip to London.

During the very same trip, she had also come across the small bookshop where she had bought some of her still most beloved potions books during her first year Christmas break, and unable to resist, she had gone in for a moment. However instead of returning with a giant stack of books like she had feared she would, she had only bought a single one, and that was one she already possessed indeed. The book on literature spells. She planned on giving this copy to Snape once term started, as a thank you maybe, or for any other reason she could think of before then. Honestly, she had just been thinking about him every once in a while over summer, wondering what he might be doing between school years, and when she had discovered the spell book in that shop, it had just felt like the right thing to do to get it for him. Who knew, maybe he could make use of it at some point… At least he'd seemed almost as reluctant to return the book to Robin as she always was to return his own books to him.

So that's what she packed for this year: books, coffee and more books. Hopefully that would get her through fourth year.

… … … 

The very evening she returned to Hogwarts, Robin let herself into Snape's office to place the spell book on his desk together with a note explaining that it was a gift from her as a thank you, then she locked the door behind herself and headed to the welcoming feast. Honestly, while she did feel brave enough to give it to him in person, she had come to the realization that it would probably make him less uncomfortable if she didn't. Thus she had come up with the idea on the train ride here to simply place it in his office before the feast, and so far that plan had also worked out. 

As every year, the sorting took forever and the speeches were redundant, but still Robin found herself glad that she wasn't the one to be upfront, waiting to be sorted into a house again. But she also felt more prone than ever to wonder if the hat really had put her into the right place… the abyss between her and the other Slytherins was growing constantly, and she had no intention to counteract it. It was a miracle that she still hadn't been mocked for her run-in with the boggart last year… 

At least there were three years of students below her now, and that meant that almost half of the student body in Slytherin wasn't in conflict with her. Rather on the opposite, actually, seeing as the younger students didn't seem to care about Robin at all. She liked that quite a lot, to simply be nothing more than 'one of the older students'.

Thus she found herself seated between a group of second years and a group of third years during the feast, which left her to herself and her own business entirely. She used the time during the meal to take inventory of the teachers at the head table, or so she told herself, while she merely spent a few seconds making sure that every person was (at least looking to be) alright, and then let her eyes linger on a certain potions professor. His hair was a bit longer than it had been before summer… but otherwise he seemed to be just the same. Robin found herself smiling to herself before she knew, and a sense of calmness overcame her like it usually only did in the evenings in his classroom. A nice change to the usual discomfort she felt during dinner.

The calm lasted for the entire evening, even as Robin returned to her dorm to pack up some books and papers to do what she'd been looking forward to all summer: studying in the potions classroom. Her roommates were sitting together in a corner of their shared bedroom as always, only acknowledging Robin in the form of weird looks and giggles directed at her, but not with a single word whatsoever. That wasn't new though, and Robin didn't let them ruin her surprisingly good mood with their condescending pretense of superior exclusivity. Should they talk about her behind her back, if it made them happy… Robin didn't even care.

She made her way through the overcrowded common room and into the hallways, taking in the comforting, stuffy darkness she had missed so much. Would Snape be joining her in the classroom tonight to work in companionable silence as always? Robin found herself hoping he would.

Before she could even cross into the right hallway however, the door to her right flew open and she was pulled into the room with a surprised yelp.

"What, pray tell, were you  _ thinking _ ?!" Snape's drawled hiss reached Robin's ears before she even realized that she was standing in his office, her back pressed against the inside of the door, with the potions professor an arms' length away.

"...What?" She frowned at him in the dim light, more confused than anything. Her heart skipped a beat though. "Thinking about what?"

" _ Why  _ did you give that book to me?"

"I… just thought it would be more useful, for a change, than giving you chocolate as a thank you. I thought you would appreciate it." She replied positively, even though she felt desperately irritated by his angry demeanor.

"Maybe you shouldn't think quite so much about things that you know nothing about and that aren't of your concern. I am not your friend!" He snapped with a threatening glare directed solely at Robin, and her heart squeezed together for an overwhelmingly painful moment in return. Then it sunk down dead into the depth of her chest, and she felt almost numb in equal sadness and anger. There wasn't any appropriate reply she could give to that, only many necessary ones. To hell with it, if it was her place or not, she needed to say this, and he most definitely needed to hear it.

"Maybe  _ you _ should learn to accept the kindness shown to you, before people give up on showing it to you in the first place!" She replied in an equally angry manner and held his gaze despite the tears that welled up in her eyes now. Oh, to hell with it indeed.

" _ People _ have given up on more than that a long time ago." He spat, almost bitterly, leaving Robin to feel even more shattered.

"Well, I haven't!" Her reply came in an instant, without even having to think, and the anger was making room for sheer overwhelming sadness now. She didn't care if her voice sounded as hurt as she felt when she spoke on. "And I won't, so stop trying to make me." Finally the tears rolled down her cheeks like small angry rivers, but Robin didn't even bother wiping them away. "Keep the bloody book or don't, but I will keep on being nice to you no matter what you do! I won't hate you, even when you so desperately want me to! I  _ never _ will, so just get over it already!"

Without waiting for a reply, or any reaction even, Robin turned on her heels and left the room, heading down the hallway back towards her dorm. She didn't feel like studying anymore. She felt like hiding under her covers and crying as silently as she could.

… … … 

The incident on Sunday night heavily tainted Robin's first three days of term, even as the sadness turned into a hollow ache that was a constant reminder of their fight. Maybe she  _ had  _ overstepped her boundaries, maybe she had done something wrong indeed… Maybe he was right to be angry. But then again, she refused to believe that her kindness had been wrong, and she definitely refused to let him scare her off with his stupid defensiveness. She had meant what she said, she wouldn't give up on him, and her own determination in that surpassed everything she had known to be certain of before. To be honest, she was quite surprised by her own stubbornness in this… and by the desperation with which she clung onto it. Sure, Snape was her favorite professor, and probably also her favorite person in the castle… but she hadn't really known before just how much she actually cared. It left her feeling a bit irritated with herself, every time she thought about it. She really shouldn't be caring about him quite that much, as he had made it abundantly clear that he was not her friend. Only her professor. Who happened to have chosen her as the only person he was nice to. Sometimes. Oh bloody hell, he  _ was  _ the only friend she had, and she should finally admit that to herself. Even if she wasn't his friend in return, he definitely was hers.

And exactly for that reason, Robin refused to let the Sunday encounter change the way she behaved, nor the way she thought. She still came to the classroom every night to study, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, but she didn't see Professor Snape there even once. If he chose to return to how things were before he snapped at her, or even scold her for the way she'd dared to speak to him, she'd be here. But it was not her place to try to fix something she hadn't broken, and neither did she believe that she should bother him any more than she already had. Because no matter what had happened, she still didn't want to disappoint him, and she didn't want to lose what she had gained over the course of the past three years.

Thus Robin only saw him at meals during the next four days, until it was time for the first potions class of the term on Friday morning. She didn't feel particularly hungry, hadn't ever since Sunday night, and thus she decided to come to class early. Without giving any thought to it, she unlocked the room and made her way to her usual second row seat, lost in thought about the book she had been reading for most of the night, since she'd been unable to sleep. For a while she simply stared at the wall ahead, not even existing in the physical reality, until at last the first students started to enter the room with enough noise to break Robin out of her thoughts. And that's when she realized that her desk wasn't empty. Had it been empty when she'd come in? 

A small frown creased her forehead as she picked up the parchment-wrapped object, and carefully unwrapped the precisely folded layer of paper. The first thing that fell into her hands was a box of Skittles. She couldn't help the short, surprised laugh that escaped her lips upon that, and she smoothed out the creased piece of paper to read the words that seemed to only appear on the page upon her touch. 

_ Robin. _

_ I unfortunately found myself unable to acquire any chocolate over the course of the week, but I hope that sweets of a different kind have the same value to you, as means of saying thank you. You were quite right, I do appreciate the book. But I also appreciate the gesture. Despite what I previously said, I want to ask you now to never stop thinking, especially about matters that aren't of your concern. Nobody is quite as good at it as you are. - S _

Robin read the note again, and another time, and yet again, and she couldn't help but smile to herself as her heartbeat picked up in its pace. Sure, he wasn't really apologising for his behavior, but he did something equally remarkable, if not something better. He actually  _ tried _ . To accept a kind gesture, and to make amends for what he'd done. Robin wasn't so sure if that had ever happened before or if it would ever happen again, but she would value it as the outstandingly special occasion it was. He would certainly not have done this if he truly didn't care about what she thought of him. He wouldn't have bothered if he thought of her like everyone else.

"Miss Mitchell, will you stop  _ grinning  _ like a lunatic and demonstrate how to  _ correctly  _ dissect a deathcap without hurting oneself like an imbecile?" Snape's voice, in full professor-mode, suddenly drew Robin out of her little bubble, and she realized with a start that the entire class was present, silent and looking at her. Oh geez… she must've spent more time reading that note under her desk than she had realized. 

"Certainly, sir." She replied then, still unable to stop smiling (especially at his badly feigned scowl), and quickly hid the note in the deepest corner of her pockets. Then she subtly swiped the Skittles into her backpack for equal safekeeping, and made her way to the front to demonstrate what she'd been asked to do. The smile did not leave her face for the rest of the day.

________________

After the rather extreme ups and downs of the first week, things settled back into what had almost become routine now. Robin spent her time in Snape's classroom, borrowing books, studying, doing assignments, and more often than not these days he would be there as well. At some point Robin had brought her instant coffee (since regular coffee was only served at breakfast here), and with a simple  _ aguamenti  _ and a spell for boiling water, she'd made herself a coffee the wizarding way in under a minute. Upon the curious and humored look Snape had given her in return, she had offered to make him a cup as well, and to Robin's surprise he had answered with a simple 'Please' instead of the usual discussion that preceded his eventual agreement. Thus, they fell into the habit of drinking coffee in the evenings, as an addition to the companionable silence they shared while each working on their respective tasks. Some nights they wouldn't exchange a single word, only take turns at making the other coffee in a silent agreement to not talk about this developing habit. Eventually Robin simply left the coffee in his classroom instead of bringing it every day, and even after two months of keeping up with this ritual they still hadn't run out. 

Unfortunately, two months after the start of term was also when  _ 'it' _ happened again. The thing Robin still hadn't found a name for. It was a perfectly ordinary Sunday night, Robin had had coffee with Snape over their respective work, and she had gotten all things done that she had planned to do over the weekend. More, even. She had gone to bed feeling calm and content, and had soon fallen asleep within a few minutes. Every bit the normal Sunday. But then the nightmares had started, and thereby the beginning of Robin's personal purgatory.

She was walking through the school. Cold stone beneath her bare feet as she moved through the hallways. Soundlessness. Eyes focused on the darkness around her, emptiness around her. Now, then, another! A flash of darkness… a boy, a body. A puddle of blood, pooling around his small body like a black lake. Lifeless ink. Coldest contentment. She moved on, moved along, hid away, crept into a room, like fog… a flash of darkness. Another body, more blood, another lake. More room, A room, empty, she crept, it was cold. A flash. The room, filled with bodies. More. Hollow eyes, dead stares, dead stays. Blood. Everywhere, in emptiness. She walked on. The dungeons, blackness, hallways. Hollow eyes, a mirror… she walked, cold, empty eyes. A laugh. A door, her room… her bed, herself. Her sleeping body, her dead body, broken, soundless. Hands covered in blood, a wicked smile, bloody lips. Emptiness. A laugh, a scream. Pain.

Robin woke up with a strangled cry, shaking like dry leaves in the autumn wind as her eyes mirrored the sky's heavy tears. Oh god… it had only been a dream. Only a dream. Her heartbeat had become so fast that she pressed a hand to her chest in an attempt to soothe the pain. She felt entirely too hot and too cold at once. A quiet sob escaped her trembling lips and she pressed her other hand to her mouth to keep quiet. Too late for that.

"Shut up, jay! People wanna sleep here…" One of her roommates grumbled from the bed to Robin's left, and Robin nodded vainly into the darkness as she felt utterly defeated. She couldn't, not with… those emotions, it was too much… she felt like dying. As quietly, as quickly as she could, she slipped into her boots and fled from the room, going for a direct dash to the bathrooms. It was closer than anywhere, the only place she could think to go. Her mind was entirely flooded with fear and pain and foremost a defeating deafening numbness, and she couldn't suppress the tears even if she tried to. Bloody hell, she was going mad, it was too much, too strong, too deep… she was drowning and sucked under by the current of her own blind panic.

The moment she reached the secluded solitude of the girls' lavatories was when she finally broke down entirely and surrendered to the violent sobs for as long as they came crashing over her like brutal waves. She'd lost every sense of time, of space, of herself… it could be hours, it could be minutes. Her heartbeat increased even further to a point where her vision became blurry even beyond the tears, and Robin actually felt afraid that she would die. Now, here, alone. It didn't have to make sense, it just  _ was. _ And it was horrible.

But the sobs died instead of her, and her heartbeat ceased to stab her chest. However the calm that followed came at the price of an absolute and allconsuming numbness, an emptiness of a kind she had never known. She wasn't crying anymore, she wasn't even feeling anymore. She just sat on the cold ground of the bathroom and  _ wasn't _ . Ceased to exist for a while. No thought, no emotion, no Robin. Nothing.

Yet, at some point, a spark of ice cold reason within her mind made her return to her room and lay back down in bed. She still felt nothing, and stared at the ceiling in the darkness for as long as it took her mind to pass out at last. 

That was the first night.

… … … 

On Monday Robin was an absolute wreck on the inside, a victim more of the calm's cost than the storm. She didn't look any different to anyone but herself in the mirrors, and those she avoided to refrain from looking into her own eyes. She had done plenty of that last night.

And yet, the sleepless night came at even more of a cost when Robin made a public fool of herself in herbology. Her mind was still so wound up in processing the events, the  _ pictures _ of the previous night's horrors, that she didn't notice Professor Sprout walking up behind her while talking loudly about the task they were to accomplish. As the woman clapped a hand on Robin's shoulder, a random gesture she did with plenty of students who seemed to not be listening, Robin jumped so badly that her entire being fell into a kind of odd stasis. She shrieked, then froze completely as if petrified and merely stared ahead with terror in her eyes that soon was replaced by the tears of the initial surprise. Admittedly, Robin had always been a bit jumpy, especially when caught dwelling in the corners of her own mind, but this was a new level of sheer and utter overreaction that yet she could do nothing about but to bear it out.

The other students started snorting and whispering, and Professor Sprout asked Robin if she was alright, but Robin's heart was only so slowly calming down to a normal pace again that she merely could nod after a few seconds of forcing herself to realign with reality. 

After classes were done for the day, Robin fled from the castle as soon as she could. Her feet carried her down to the lake, to the shore she always found comfort in… and after half an hour of kicking herself in the butt for being so overwhelmed by a simple nightmare, she finally felt ready to go back to normality. It had only been a stupid dream, some subconscious fear that had manifested itself in terrible and bloody pictures. But they were only that; pictures her mind had come up with. With at least some motivation returning, she made her way over to Hagrid's in order to offer her assistance in this evening's feeding of the creatures the gamekeeper was responsible for. After all, she always found delight in Hagrid's silliness, and the animals' good appetite.

… … … 

A purgatory wouldn't be what it promised if it wasn't a place for the tortured soul to dwell in once more. And thus it shouldn't have come as a surprise to Robin that she woke up screaming the very next, and also two nights later, heart and mind grabbed in panic by the very same dream. The same pictures, the same darkness, the same bloody deaths. While she was yelled at by her roommates on both nights again, this time Robin resisted the urge to run and simply gripped onto her bedding instead, so tightly that her knuckles turned white, in an attempt to get rid of the excess energy. Eventually her heartbeat slowed down, the panic faded, and the numbness returned to her mind to let her fall into a restless sleep. 

The following evening, a rainy Wednesday, Robin went to study in the potions classroom as always, but she decided against the coffee. Maybe all that caffeine was finally taking its toll on her… Maybe this was what caused the nightmares, the restlessness, the overwhelming tiredness she felt by now. Ever since Sunday she hadn't had all that much sleep, and if there was such a thing as a battery in humans, Robin's was close to running out. Still, she made a coffee for Snape once she got to the room, as it usually was her turn first and she somehow didn't want to skip out on the ritual altogether. It had a calming effect on her, and she enjoyed being able to do something nice for him.

For a while they sat in comfortable silence as usual, until Robin dared to look at the clock and an existential dread overcame her with a start. She didn't want to return to her room so soon… didn't want to go to bed. In all honesty and truthfulness, she felt absolutely terrified of falling asleep. Or rather, of dreaming. 

Maybe she should talk about it. She  _ wanted _ to talk about it, and the wish to put into words what she was experiencing grew stronger by the second. The only person she wanted to tell was sitting only a few steps away, and yet Robin felt as if there was an ineffable distance between them that couldn't be overcome. A distance that only existed in her mind. 

"Professor?" The words left her lips before her head caught on. Damnit, Robin! "Can… I mean… do you have a moment to spare?"

"I never do, but go ahead." He replied without looking up from his work, and Robin felt like someone had poured lead down her throat into her chest. Maybe she shouldn't bother him with this… he surely had enough on his mind already, and on his desk. Her heart squeezed even more at the prospect of bothering him.

"Uh, I…" She started, but her entire being was heavily protesting in return. If she told Snape now that something as pathetic as nightmares was breaking her so much, he would never see her as anything more than just a stupid little kid. Robin didn't know when that had become so utterly important to her, but it undoubtedly was now. And it was stronger than her fear of the dreams. "I… finished your book already. I mean I, uh, planned to return it on Friday after class, but… I'm short on other reads, so I thought that maybe… I could borrow a new book today?"

That was a more than decent save, or so Robin thought, seeing as her mind was currently rather preoccupied with different matters. 

"Feel free to go into my office and pick one that interests you." He answered a few seconds later, motioning to the only half closed door on the far wall behind him. Still, he didn't look up from his work. 

Robin sighed to herself and made her way to Snape's office with the book she had almost finished anyway, placing it on his desk before letting her eyes wander over the shelves. He'd never let her pick before, especially not out of his entire collection of books… He must truly be beyond busy if he let her do this now. Maybe it had been a wise choice to spare him from her pathetic problems for once. She couldn't come to him crying, every time something went wrong in her life! No matter how much she felt inclined to. She couldn't be around him and bother him with her nonsense all the time! No matter how much she wanted to.

For a moment Robin simply stood in the quiet calm of the office and stared at the wall of books in front of her. She was a fool, an idiot even. But she wasn't stupid. She knew why she was feeling what she felt, why she cared as much as she did. She just didn't want it to be true. It scared her, in the overwhelming kind of way that one experienced only when moving on from the sheltered walls of home to the endless horizons of the world beyond. It wasn't the first time she had fallen for someone… but it was the first time that mattered. Still, it was wrong and stupid and pathetic and obviously hopeless. Nobody could ever learn of it, and Robin would make sure that nobody ever would. 

She rolled her eyes at herself then, and at her own dramatics. This probably was just another result of her sleep deprivation, another joke her mind was playing on her… A silly crush on her professor, an infatuation born out of too much studying and too little sleep. She'd bet her good grades that it would all be history by Christmas! Actually, she wouldn't… she knew herself too well for that. But she also knew that she had gotten fairly decent at ignoring things until they disappeared by themselves, and thus that's what she would do. Maybe, if she was lucky, they could stay at the almost friendly level they were at now. That would already be a great deal more than what she could have hoped for. And whatever stupid things she was feeling for her professor would disappear before long, and be forgotten for good when she just ignored them. She had to. Bloody hell, these nightmares were really breaking her spirits if she allowed herself such sappy thoughts. She was being ridiculous.

With a sigh, she picked out a book on ratio theorems and stepped back out into the classroom. "Sorry it took me so long… I just couldn't decide, with all those great options." She said as neutrally as she could while sitting back down and placing the book on her desk a little too defeatedly.

"If you continue at this rate, you will have read all my books before the end of term." He commented, sounding almost amused, but Robin couldn't bring herself to smile. There was too much on her mind, too much dread for the night that would follow all too soon. 

"Well, you better get some more then, huh?" She tried to joke, but it came out flat and awkward, and Robin looked down at her hands. Maybe she should just go to bed and hit her head against the bedpost until she passed out. Without wasting another thought contemplating it, she packed up her belongings and rose to her feet. "Sorry, I… I'm not feeling so good tonight. No more use studying. I'll just… go."

At that Snape's eyes finally rose to meet Robin's, but he didn't say anything for a moment. She wondered what he might be thinking, just looking at her with a frown, but she didn't ask and at last he did the speaking for her. "Some decent rest might do you good."

Robin let out a bitter snort in return. "Yeah, huh… why didn't I think of that." 

Snape looked fairly irritated at her sarcastic tone, but she couldn't help it. It was time to go, before her tired mind could do any more damage. "I'm sorry. Goodnight, professor." Two seconds later, Robin slipped out into the hallway.


	19. The Dark of Night - Part 2

The same feeling, the same pictures, the same ordeal. Wednesday night brought the very same dream as the three nights before, the very same terror. Robin woke to blind panic yet again, her skin covered in a layer of cold sweat. For moments she stared at her hands, incredulous that they weren't covered in blood, as it seemed to have been burning into her flesh only moments before. It had been so real, it had  _ felt  _ so real… she had murdered those people, over and over again, and the darkness had swallowed their screams and her own. She had been her very own victim. Nothing about this dream was acceptable,  _ understandable _ … Robin felt disturbed to the core. As she stared at the ceiling above her, letting the tears flow down her face to drench the pillows in her sadness, she wondered why her mind was doing this to her. She was the very one torturing herself, and she couldn't remotely understand why. Somehow, this dark version of herself, this dream-her reminded Robin of the boggart. Of something she had seen in herself before. Maybe she was becoming this person now, maybe… she  _ was _ this person now. 

No. Snape had said that this horrid darkness wasn't in her real eyes, and she believed him. She wanted to believe him. Robin closed her eyes, darkness or not, and focused on the memory of their walk last term. She had been feeling similar to now, physically, heart beating too fast and eyes filled with tears… but he had made her go outside, in the most perfect gloomy dusk, and they had walked along the shore of the black lake. It had been so calm, so peaceful… And Robin remembered the tingles on her skin, the excitement upon compliments that hadn't been meant as such. The fact that he had sacrificed an hour, more even, of his precious time to saunter through the woods with her. The memory made her smile, despite the tears, despite the dreams. A good while later, she could actually fall asleep in peace.

… … … 

Thursday night came, and of course Robin wasn't spared from her purgatory either. The blood, the hollow eyes, the haunting insanity of laughter in dark hallways. It was all there, but it was  _ more. _ It was stronger, it was deeper, and it froze the life in Robin's veins even hours after she had woken up in a pool of her own sweat and tears that at first had felt a little too much like clammy blood. She had run, without even bothering with her boots, and ended up on the bathroom floor once more in a shaking ball of wild eyes and even wilder thoughts. The dream was truly haunting, but the fact that she was having the same dream every single night was even worse. It was wearing her down, breaking her inside out with tiredness and fear. And it started carrying over into the days as well. 

The anxiety she was usually keeping at bay with her carefully constructed walls hit her like an invisible wall at the most unpredictable times, as she was mostly busy forcing herself to function at all. She hadn't gone to Snape's classroom on Thursday night, and now that it was Friday she didn't go either. There wasn't a spark of focus in her mind nor any grain of remaining strength, and honestly, Robin was fairly sure that she would simply break down crying if he looked at her for a second too long. She felt too safe with him to allow herself this comfort right now, it would only make things worse, for as much as she still wished she could just tell him about the terror and pain she was in, she knew that it would be inappropriate.

Thus she lay in bed on Friday night, dead tired and yet unable to fall asleep. Her eyes hurt, her muscles, her head… But sleep avoided her as if she was its polar opposite, and thus she lay in bed and read the book she had borrowed from Snape. It wasn't all too interesting, for she believed in the measure by feeling rather than the ratio by science, but it was nice to have a contrast to her opinion. Robin couldn't help wondering… was Snape more the person to go by science or by intuition? He always was so precise and exact, but then again he also seemed to follow his own rules more than any other. Maybe she would just have to ask him once she didn't feel like a puddle of goo anymore, once all of this was over. Currently, she  _ had _ to believe that this purgatory of nightmares would come to an end eventually, for she didn't know how much longer she could keep up with this.

And once her Friday night was haunted by the same dream yet again, the same horrors that left her in the fragile brokenness of her own mind, she spent Saturday in as close to apathy as was likely possible. Oddly, the day still went by as most other Saturdays would. Robin went to help out Hagrid in the school gardens, did her assignments in the afternoon, and had the most sober five-word-conversation with Snape in the hallway she's ever deemed possible. For once _she_ was the neutral one, the one void of any expression, but it was entirely without her conscious doing. She had felt absolutely empty all day, void of emotions or thoughts that weren't essential to the task she was to accomplish. It was a means of self-preservation, a displacement activity. Her entire self wasn't fit for functioning anymore, her emotions had finally turned off for good, for _her_ good, and even the last reserves of her batteries had run out. Robin felt like a living zombie, in a sense of not feeling at all. It was the only thing that could get her through the day. After an entire week of sleeping for a maximum of two hours per night, she was surprised that she even was still able to go through her day (almost) as usual at all. She didn't know if anyone else noticed the change in her behavior, but she couldn't care less. Her existence revolved around the night, around the dreams that were slowly killing her from the inside. It was a death trap she couldn't escape from. And so the day passed by as a period of waiting for the night, when the chains of numbness would be broken by terror.

Again, Robin didn't go to the potions classroom after dinner. She didn't even go to dinner. Hours ticked by and she merely sat on her bed in alternating periods of reading and staring at the wall, while her roommates were absent for once. They had never  _ not  _ been here in the evenings, and the fact that they started with it now should at least have caused a spark of question in Robin's mind, but she found herself as indifferent to it as to everything else. Eventually she didn't even read anymore, and just stared at the wall while the room grew darker and darker. A glimpse at her watch on her nightstand eventually told her that it was eleven at night. Time to surrender. 

Seeing as her room still was empty but for her one roommate's cat, Robin decided to change into her pajamas here for once. Yet her routine stayed the same as always: first the dark green flannel bottoms, which she had to tie a little bit tighter every night now as a result of skipping most of the meals, then the Queen t-shirt Robin had bought a few years ago after making the forced promise to her parents not to wear it in public. They had absolutely no taste for rock music or pop culture and deemed both a rather despicable thing to celebrate, which is something Robin had never understood and still didn't. But she never broke her promises, and so she had only been wearing the shirt as part of her pajamas for years now. Finally she brushed her hair and tied it in a topknot to keep it away from the seemingly inevitable layer of sweat that would soon cover her skin. The whole procedure, as well as the short visit to the bathroom, felt like she ran through it entirely on autopilot. Her hands knew how to move, her feet where to go without her command. It just happened, and Robin was a mere spectator of her own engrained mechanisms. Fifteen minutes later she lay in her bed, under the covers, straight and stiff like a wooden plank. There was no use in getting comfortable if the night would take the comfort from her anyway. 

… … … 

The same nightmare. The same death. The same rooms, the same hallways. The same blood, the same terror, the same haunting smile on her lips. The darkness, the door. Her room, her bed, herself. No matter how often it happened, no matter how often she stood there watching herself in an impossible ambivalence of who she was,  _ what  _ she was… the same blood on her hands, the same hallow clad in murder, the same dark insane. She saw herself as prey and predator at once. And she saw that she was both. 

She stared at herself with a smirk, and she stared at herself in shock. Her own hands, bloody as well as her clothes, as cold as ice. 

Robin startled awake. She was in her bed, but her hands were still bloody, her sheets and clothes too, and she still stared into her own hollow eyes above her. Blind panic overtook her body, a sickness accompanied by a stabbing pain in her chest. She couldn't move. Tears spilling over her cheeks. A scream died in her throat, she was the prey. Her own cold hand forced her to stand up, even though she didn't want to. Still Robin stood, she had no choice, her own self right in front of her, like a terrible mirror. She was going to die, the dream always ended that way. She was going to kill herself. Robin couldn't move, couldn't  _ breathe _ . But she could feel. The burning tears in her eyes, the pain that was already present everywhere in her body. This wasn't a dream. This was real.

Her opposite self turned her head to the side, and Robin's head turned in accordance without her permission. Oh no… the blood, the bodies, it was real. It was here. Her roommates in bloody lakes, here, real. Her head was forced away, back to herself, back to staring into her own eyes. She couldn't look away, couldn't close her eyes… the pain was too much. This was torture beyond a nightmare, this was real, the death was real, this Robin was real. It was herself, and its lips turned up into a slow smirk of utter delight as it pointed to the bodies in the corner. She did, her own shaking fingers, the same blood on her hands. Robin was her own nightmare, her nightmare had become reality in herself. She had been her own darkness all along. And she had finally become what she was supposed to be, what everyone saw in her, what she had been so afraid to become. No, it couldn't be. She felt  _ cold  _ and her heart hurt so desperately much, the blood in her veins was burning up her entire being. No…  _ please. _ She didn't want to die… she didn't want to kill herself again.

An unnatural sound escaped her lips, an eerie sob of agony, and she jumped at the loud noise that broke the painful silence of before. No… she didn't jump. Her opposite did. 

Robin's still outstretched arm fell limply to her side in an instant, but the other  _ her's  _ stayed in place. What?! It didn't matter, Robin could once more feel her body beyond the pain, she felt  _ herself  _ and only one of them, only her very own body and matter, and she could finally control her own movement. For another silent second she stared at this  _ thing _ that wasn't herself, eyes wide as shock struck her like a lightning bolt of liquid energy. This wasn't herself. This wasn't a dream. This was  _ someone _ .

For once Robin didn't suppress the flight instinct in the least, she pushed whatever,  _ whoever _ this was out of the way with every strength she could fathom and bolted, as fast as she could, out of the room, out of the hallways, out of the dungeons, and out of the castle. A blind run, she saw mere blurry shadows in front of her, she had no destination. Robin simply ran as fast as she could wherever her feet were carrying her. It didn't matter, nothing mattered, only that she got away from there. From it. From what she still didn't know to be real nor to be an illusion. But it hadn't been a dream, and neither was the current moment. Running didn't hurt in dreams, breathing didn't hurt in dreams.

She stopped when her feet touched water. With a start, she snapped out of her blindness and looked around… she was standing in her safe place, her spot on the shore of the black lake. Pebbles beneath her naked feet, freezing water gently lapping at her skin. Robin took a deep breath. This was reality indeed. 

For a moment she simply let the pain wash over her like the gentle movement of the water around her ankles. It was the end of November, the lake was freezing cold. But the pain was a beautiful reminder that she was alive, awake, herself. Her feet hadn't taken well to the barefoot run, she could feel scratches and bruises that were slowly numbed by the freezing water. Robin looked down at her hands, at her entire self once she could think somewhat straight again. The blood was still there. But somehow the sheer amount of adrenaline in her body was keeping her oddly calm for once. How ironic… usually the adrenaline gave her panic attacks and now it was the only thing allowing her to think straight. Life was curious sometimes.

But the longer she stood there, the more the adrenaline wore off, the stronger the emotions came rushing back. She had to get that blood off herself, now. She had to get rid of the panic before it consumed her yet again. In almost unshakable determination, she took another step into the lake. Sure, she could die of hypothermia, but she already felt like she was dying anyway. If this sped things up, she was okay with it, and if it didn't, then she would soon have to deal with herself and the events of tonight. She didn't know which horror she preferred.

For now the pain of the biting cold brought an almost physical relief to the pain Robin felt on the inside, and she waded into the water until it reached her waist. She could have cried in joy at the peace this brought to her mind, but she also could have cried for countless other reasons. But she didn't cry at all, not yet, not before she could rid herself of any connection to what had or hadn't happened in her bedroom. The blood, it had to get off her body before her fingers were too numb to scrub it away. So she set to work, deliberate and effective moments paired with an intense focus that she had missed for days. It was horribly easy, really, to wash away the physical reminders of it all… on her arms, her shoulders, her hair. It didn't matter anymore, she dove under entirely to wash it all away, to get the sweet burning back onto her skin where the water hadn't reached before. But once she was done, breaking through the surface again, breathing, and her body almost frozen to oblivion, she felt the improvised dam in her mind cracking anew. If she started feeling now, she wouldn't stop again. Perhaps she should dive back under and wait for the darkness to comfort her again.

"Blimey! Scare the living daylights outta me!" A hollered exclaim caused Robin to spin around in an instant, and her eyes fell onto Hagrid standing on the shore with a large basket on his shoulders. "What the bloody 'ell you think you be doing there?!"

Robin wasn't prepared for company, wasn't prepared for anything from this point on actually. It messed up her entire strategy to deal with herself, if one could even call it that, and she felt her control and composure slipping away without a trace. She was entirely lost, vulnerable like a feather in the waves to whatever current would grab her next.

"Get outta there already, will ya?" Hagrid commanded urgently, in a haste her numbed mind didn't understand anymore, and thus Robin complied without resistance. Neither did she resist as he led her back towards his hut with a speed only a half giant could still call 'walking', nor when he sat her down in front of the fireplace, wrapped in a thick blanket. 

Only when Hagrid moved to boil some water to make a pot of tea, Robin's mental dam finally cracked the very last bit, and she surrendered to the helpless sobs of someone who overcame their shock at last. Someone who didn't understand what had happened to them, someone who was terrified to the bone. Someone who had a week's worth of pent up emotions that went deeper than panic and that finally needed an outlet as well. Someone who only now came to realize that her nightmares might not have been her own.

While Robin was sobbing relentlessly, Hagrid appeared to be just as lost and confused by her behavior as she was herself. Robin wasn't someone who showed vulnerability on the outside, not in front of anyone but Professor Snape perhaps (to some degree), and thus it was understandable that seeing her like this, helpless and frightened and deeply vulnerable indeed, confused the gamekeeper quite the bit. But Robin couldn't help it, couldn't be bothered with facades or charades, as she finally let herself work through the shock and the tension. So Hagrid let her sit by the fireplace in peace, giving her some much appreciated space to sort through things by herself for now. 

Eventually Robin's tears dried out, she stopped shaking and her heartbeat slowed down. She still felt frightened and still felt confused, but both the panic and the overwhelming numbness were gone to leave only a fairly shaken but otherwise normal Robin behind. The Robin she had been before last Sunday, only a little more broken and a lot more fragile at the moment.

Good as he was with people, Hagrid didn't ask what had happened to her, and accepted Robin's vehement 'no' upon the question if she didn't want to return to the castle with a nod and by offering her a mug of tea at last. The tea was a bit strong for Robin's taste, but perfect in its warmth and comfort nonetheless. Her clothes were slowly starting to dry from the heat of the fire and the now returning warmth of her skin, and after a while she didn't feel cold anymore. Neither from the inside nor the outside. Only terrified at the prospect of returning to her bedroom. She didn't want to know what she would find there, and she didn't know what would be worse… to see that it was real or that it had only been another illusion. She just didn't want to think about it at all, that was the least painful thing to do right now.

Thus, for a while, Robin observed the flames and sipped her tea while it was still hot. She felt different than she had all week, more like who she knew she really was. More like she had before Sunday night indeed, before the first nightmare… it was an odd thing to try to explain even to herself. No matter how much she tried not to think about it, her thoughts always returned to her bedroom. To her roommates, to their motionless bodies in puddles of blood. She shuddered at the memory, and willed away a new wave of tears. It  _ couldn't _ be true… it couldn't be real. Otherwise they would long have found her, or at least found Hagrid to alert him of a gruesome murder in the school. A murder Robin was more certain by the second she had nothing to do with, no matter if it was real or not. She knew herself, better than anyone probably could understand, and she  _ knew  _ that she was not what she had seen in her room. It had looked like her, yes, but it hadn't been her. But honestly, who would believe her? Who would believe that a nightmare she's had for a week straight had suddenly come to life like some badly orchestrated puppet show?! 

Maybe her dream had been prophetic! But that would mean that the murders  _ were  _ real, and there was just too much speaking against that. 

Robin praised herself in very little, but she had always thought of herself as a very logical person, and a good thinker. And as she tried to think this entire thing through in disregard of her own fear, she always came to the conclusion that whatever that thing looking like her was, it had been real, and it had not been her. That much she could tell by the fact that she had been able to physically push it out of the way on her escape. And if it had been her (or a part of her), it wouldn't have jumped when she had made a sound. Just like people couldn't really tickle themselves… or so her line of thought went. Nobody could make themselves jump with a sound they made themselves. That conclusion was both relieving and scary at once, for it on one hand meant that Robin was still herself and who she believed to be, but on the other that someone,  _ something  _ had been in her bedroom tonight and possibly murdered her roommates. No, right, she had also ruled out that there had been an actual murder. So… why had they been lying motionlessly in puddles of blood? Maybe that had been an illusion too, after all. The thing that looked like her had come to her bedroom, and shown her an illusion of a gruesome murder. Geez… that sounded both absolutely ridiculous and yet like the most likely explanation she had come up with.

Another thought struck her suddenly, and this one  _ did  _ make her feel anxious once more. What if the thing was still in the castle? What if it was still out to get her, or worse, out to get someone else?! Her breathing hitched, and she tried to force the fear away and out of her mind. What should she do? Was there even anything she could do at all?!

"Hagrid? If… if someone was in the castle, someone or… something that shouldn't be there, you would hear of it, right?" She asked after a while, but once she got no reply after a few seconds, she looked over to the man in the chair across from her, only to find him soundly asleep. Oh great… what the hell was she supposed to do now? Run back to the castle and make sure nothing was going on there? She didn't even have her wand, or  _ shoes  _ for God's sake! What could she do without either of those?! Not much. Maybe warn the people in the castle, but then again, if nothing had happened by now then it wasn't all too likely that anything _ would  _ happen at all. For now Robin could only hope that she was right in that. At least she didn't feel heroic enough to do anything other than hope.

After a few minutes Hagrid started snoring softly, and Robin went back to watching the fire. There was no way she would find sleep tonight, and she had no intention to try. But with Hagrid asleep, she suddenly felt very vulnerable, and very alone. Not in the sad kind of way, but in the frightening one. Never before had Robin been scared of the dark nor of the silence, but right now she feared both. That's why she kept focusing on the fire, in its warmth and light and soft crackling.

Until a determined knock on the hut's heavy door sparked the flame of fear within her once more.

"Hagrid!" Robin hissed, letting the blanket slide off her shoulders as she jumped to her feet to shake the gamekeeper awake. "C'mon, wake up! Please! Wake. Up!!!" But he only turned away from her in his chair and kept on snoring. 

_ Fine _ … If he wasn't going to protect her, she would do it herself. In an instant she grabbed the nearest thing she could find that would make a somewhat decent weapon, a heavy saucepan of solid copper, and walked towards the door silently. Then she ripped it open with a start, saucepan at the ready, and a heart that threatened to jump out of her chest yet again. She was met with the most startled black eyes she had ever seen.

"Bloody hell! What are  _ you  _ doing here?!" Robin blurted out before she thought, a cool relief loosening the tension in her body for but a second before she froze once more. With even more of a scared frown, she pointed her weapon of choice towards Professor Snape once again. "You… you  _ are _ you, are you not? You're not… you're not that thing, right? Please, don't be that thing…" 

The desperation tainted her voice like the tears that yet again came to her eyes at the suspicion she was having. After what had happened tonight, she didn't rule anything out of the possible anymore. The crueler the idea seemed to her currently, the more likely it was to be true. And if it could turn into her, it surely could turn into the only person she truly trusted.

Snape frowned at Robin in return, but it was an expression of surprise and honest concern rather than scorn. "I have no idea what you are talking about, but you might as well let me inside before you enlighten me in detail."

"No!" Robin immediately replied and held onto the saucepan even more tightly. It was a pathetic weapon, but it made her feel a little braver and that was good enough for now. "I have to know if you are you… I-I can't…"

"Don't be ridiculous, Miss Mitchell…" He tried to make the statement sound scolding, but all that came out was concern indeed. "Who would I be if not me?"

"What do I know…" She breathed in return. "Too much has happened that I can't explain, and I will  _ not  _ be fooled another time, so  _ prove to me _ that you are you!"

For a moment he looked like he wanted to roll his eyes at her antics, but then the mixture of sincere terror and determination on Robin's face made his frown drop instead, only to be replaced by grave neutrality. "How do you suggest I do that?"

"Uh…" Darn, she should have thought of something prior to this. "Tell me… what is my biggest secret?"

Now he did roll his eyes indeed, but thought for a moment nonetheless. "How could I possibly know that?"

"If you are you, then you know."

Again, he thought for a moment and let his eyes travel over Robin doubtfully in the meantime. Oh darn it… she was still wearing her pajamas. To hell with it, there more pressing issues at hand. His eyes didn't leave Robin's as he replied. "Your promise to me. The page."

Robin dropped the saucepan in an instant and hid her face in her hands instead, letting herself fall against the cold wood of the door with a badly suppressed sob. He definitely was himself, and the relief she felt upon that, as well as the twisted embarrassment, was too much for her to take without a reaction in her shaken state. If she had previously believed that she'd cried enough for the night, she definitely had been wrong, as silent tears ran down her cheeks in a continuous stream once again. 

"Huh? What did I miss?!" Hagrid's startled voice got through to Robin. He must've finally woken up from the loud crashing when saucepan had met floor. "Oh, Professor Snape, what brings you 'ere?"

Robin was led to the nearest chair where she dropped down compliantly, keeping her hands twisted in her lap as she stared at the ground for now while her professor went to answer the gamekeeper.

"I came here with the intention to request your assistance in finding Miss Mitchell, but I must admit I did not expect to find her  _ here  _ instead." Snape's voice was followed by the sound of Hagrid's footsteps, then the door closing.

"Aye, found 'er freezin' to death in the lake!" Hagrid started, and Robin stopped listening as he explained how he had brought her here like one of his sickly creatures. She only focused on keeping up breathing, and counted slowly to six while breathing in and to six once more while breathing out. Really, she should do that more often when she wanted to calm herself down; it was working well enough even now, when everything else was failing.

"Is everything alright, in the castle I mean? Is everything as it should be?" Robin finally looked up from the floor in newly regained composure, once Hagrid had finished his story. "I know it's an odd question, but please just answer it." Her eyes met Snape's across the room in doubt, but also in dread. She didn't want an answer… but she knew she needed it. Yeah, he would definitely think she was insane for good.


	20. The Dark of Night - Part 3

"It is not, seeing as you are not there while you are supposed to be. Otherwise however I am not aware of any unusual occurrences." He replied as requested, but kept his inquiring gaze on her even as she let out a relieved sigh. "What, pray tell, did you expect to hear?"

"I was hoping for exactly that answer and fearing something much worse." Robin said evasively, for he surely wouldn't believe her if she spoke the entire truth. For a moment, it was quiet.

"Uh, I better be givin' you two a minute, ey?" Hagrid finally stated in an awkward mumble and shuffled over into the part of his hut that was furthest away from where Robin was sitting. 

With a silent sigh, Robin rubbed her tired eyes for a moment, then rose to her feet and crossed her arms over her chest as she looked at Snape with an almost helpless expression that she just couldn't get rid of. Surely he would scold her now… she hadn't actually answered any of his questions yet and her behavior must seem rather pathetic if not straight out insane.

"You are aware of the fact that you are breaking more than one school rule by being here at this time of night, yes? This could get you into a lot of trouble."

Oh… right. Robin hadn't actually wasted a single thought on that yet. But there really had been more important issues, issues that still were more important to Robin right now. But a simple breach of school rules was easier to face than what she would have to tell him otherwise. "I apologise, sir. I understand how this must be looking to you. Is that why you tried to find me? Because I'm breaking the rules?" Well, at least it wasn't because she supposedly murdered someone.

"Yes, and no. The professor who is patrolling the castle tonight noticed you leaving the grounds and came to alert me of the issue instead of going after you himself. A reasonable choice, seeing as your… liberties are not defined but between you and me. Upon that there were various reasons why I decided to see to the task of finding you myself."

Robin nodded slowly, and let her gaze drop to the ground at the same time. She was having worse problems than breaking a stupid rule at the moment… worse even than disappointing Snape, as much as that still pained her. What had happened tonight was on an entirely different scale, and she couldn't even begin to actually put that into words. Not here, not now… she already felt sick at the prospect. 

"And I was right to come find you myself, that much is obvious to me now. There clearly is more to this issue than a simple forbidden venture into the night, as my  _ colleague  _ suggested you were going for." Snape added after a moment, and the concerned frown settled back on his face. If he was trying to hide it at all, he was doing a poor job at it.

"You have no idea just how much more…" Robin breathed in return, closing her eyes for a few seconds as she thought about any way she could possibly tell him about this whole thing without turning into a sobbing heap on the floor again. But she had to, no matter what she had thought a few days ago, he needed to know. 

"Why don't we return to the castle and you enlighten me, then?" He suggested, but it sounded more like a demand than a question.

"No!" Robin blurted out immediately as a new pang of fear spread through her, and she looked at him with every bit of that clearly reflecting in her eyes. "I… I can't go back there, I won't… Please… don't make me." Her heart was beating so strongly once more that she was sure he must hear it from where he stood three steps away, and she couldn't help the urge to hug herself even more tightly. The thought of returning to the castle, to her bedroom… it was beyond terrifying, especially now that it had suddenly become a very real prospect.

"What happened tonight that is so horrible that it could make you act like this?" He asked after a moment, in a mixture of curiosity and worry. "Why do you want to stay here just so badly?"

"I don't want to  _ stay _ here!" Robin let out a short, bitter laugh that had absolutely nothing humorous about it. "I'm incredibly thankful that Hagrid quite possibly saved my life, but it's not that I want to stay here… it's that I cannot go back!"

"And why not?"

"Because I'm bloody terrified, okay?!" She almost yelled, then clasped a hand over her mouth as if it could take the words back, or the deeply honest expression of fear. Oh great… the tears were back in her eyes, and slowly she was starting to see a pattern. She had cried out the shock and panic, yes, but she had not even remotely started on the real issue. The things she had seen, the week's worth of nightmares, and the grand finale today. And every time it came to actually having to deal with that now, she was backing away from it.

A hand on her shoulder, reluctant almost, mirrored on the other side a second later. Robin blinked the tears away as she looked up, and even now she couldn't help the tingles on her skin, the spark in her heart. Damnit… 

"Is what terrifies you inside the castle?" He asked calmly, keeping his hands on her shoulders as his eyes stayed locked with hers as well. "Is that why you left at this time of night? In this… attire?"

Robin nodded, unable to speak with the giant lump in her throat, and ignored the heat creeping up her neck at both his lasting touch and the fact that she was still in her bloody pajamas! Hopefully… oh god. Hopefully there wasn't any of the blood left on the fabric, or on her skin.

"Is that why you were concerned about unusual occurrences in the school?" He asked on, at least somewhat putting the pieces together now.

"Yes, I… I don't want anyone else to get hurt."

" _ Else _ ? Someone did get hurt already, someone in the school?" His eyebrows lifted in question, and Robin's heart squeezed together painfully.

"I… I don't know." Her voice broke and more tears followed. "I wish I knew, and I hope I'm wrong. My roommates…"

"Your roommates? If you are concerned about their well-being, I can assure you that they are perfectly alright. In fact, I have just given all of them detention for the next three weekends, seeing as they and a few other students were breaking curfew."

"What? Really?" Robin breathed in both relief and irritation. "When was that, exactly?"

"Approximately forty minutes ago when I set out to find you."

"So I was already gone at that point? No doubt in that?"

"None at all."

"Oh thank god." She closed her eyes for a second and bit her lip to keep it from shaking for at least a moment before she spoke on, to herself and her own mind. "It was only an illusion…"

"So what scared you isn't real?"

"No, it  _ IS  _ real! Terribly real even! I don't know what it is, or who it is, or if it's even remotely dangerous to anyone but me, but it is very much real!" Robin insisted with every bit of desperation she felt, pleading him with her eyes to understand. "It's real, and it did something to me that I cannot explain, something… You have to believe me!  _ Please… _ "

"I do believe you." His reply was immediate, without any doubt and in a serious tone. "And therefore we have to return to the castle. If there is even a small chance of a threat, we have to take care of it as soon as possible."

"Please don't make me go back there. I… I'm part of the problem! And if it is still there… I will make matters worse, and I just… can't."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that IT is ME!" The statement came out more as a desperate sob than a fact. "It  _ looks  _ like me, but I swear it's not me. I can't explain it to you or anyone, it's just horribly complicated, I don't understand any of it myself. But I can't go back, please… I don't want to kill myself again." The last sentence was a mere whisper, and Robin surprised herself by allowing the words past her lips in the first place.

For a moment Snape looked equally surprised, then his brows furrowed in stern determination as he looked down at her with that intense focus once more. "Return to the castle with me and we will sort this out together, right now. Nothing will happen to you."

"I want to believe you, sir, I really do, but… things have happened that I cannot explain, and if I ever get tortured like that again I can assure you that I  _ will  _ go mad for real. Or worse."

"Nobody will torture you, Robin. That is only my own privilege." But seeing as Robin couldn't even smile at the sort of misplaced joke she usually found great delight in, he let out a soundless sigh in defeat. For a moment Snape focused on the wall behind Robin while he dropped his hands from her shoulders, frowning to himself in a question he didn't voice, and finally his eyes returned to Robin's. "Nothing will happen to you, and you will be alright. I… promise."

Robin's insecurity made way for sincere surprise. "I thought you don't make promises."

"I don't."

"But… you just made a promise to me, didn't you?"

"I did."

Even if it had come at the cost of any and every expression on his face, as well as the willingness to converse right now, Robin was momentarily stunned by the gesture. Positively, for once. He didn't make promises, ever, and yet he just had, for the mere sake of making her feel safe with him. Even beyond the fireworks that it caused Robin to feel on the inside, it also actually made her want to believe him. Perhaps she would be alright. Even if she returned to the castle now, he would be there and she could trust him. It literally was his job to keep her and the other students safe after all, and if he went against his own rules to make her understand that, he must really mean it. She wasn't alone in this anymore, and she wouldn't be again.

"Alright." She said before she could talk herself out of it again. "I trust your promise. Probably more than myself right now. Let's go back and make sense of this."

After a quick goodbye and a thank you to Hagrid, whom Robin had to wake up once more to let him know of her decision to let Snape take her back to the castle, she followed the potions professor out the door at last, only to be met by heavy rain.

"Do you have your wand on you?" He asked with a risen eyebrow and another quick but doubtful glance at Robin's choice of pajamas. 

"No… I wasn't really in a place of mind for rational thought when I left the castle." Robin admitted in return as she looked down at the contrast of her naked skin on the muddied ground, while crossing her arms over her chest again in an attempt to block out the cold of the rain and the general November chill. Under different circumstances, she might actually have had the will to be embarrassed, but right now she was only feeling like a feather in the current once again. Shaken, vulnerable, and powerless.

"In that case you will have to bear with minimal dry space." Snape replied with a sigh, then pointed the tip of his wand towards the sky and spoke two words, upon which a bluish field of energy moved to form an almost transparent umbrella. Robin watched the magic unfold in as much fascination as was currently possible under the given circumstances, while the rain continued to run into her eyes and soak through the fabric of her clothes. A second later she was interrupted in her stare by the sound of his voice breaking through the rain once more. "Will you come and walk with me now or do you prefer getting drenched entirely?"

Robin blinked the rain out of her eyes and dug her fingernails a little deeper into her own arms, but nonetheless moved closer to Snape until she was mostly standing under the umbrella, and thereby also impossibly close by his side. Geez, couldn't her emotions give her a break for once?! Having fear for one's life getting mixed with pleasant tingles of affection was really a bit too odd of an emotional rollercoaster. But the thought vanished into the back of her mind when he placed an arm around her shivering shoulders to pull her along the path with him, back towards the castle, while keeping both of them under the somewhat dry space of the umbrella.

… … … 

The good thing once they arrived back at the castle was that Robin got out of the freezing cold at last, but on the bad side it also brought along the loss of his comforting presence and warmth at her side when he released her from his hold and took a large step away to an appropriate distance. The loss of his arm around her shoulders almost made her feel colder than the rain and wind had in the first place, but Robin had little time to dwell on it as they made their way down into the dungeons. The hallways, the dark, the silence… it caused Robin's heartbeat to quicken, her stomach to churn and the images of dead bodies to return to the forefront of her mind. She hated how this week had changed her perception of the dungeons so much… she wanted nothing more than to go back to loving the place. Maybe she could, once all of this was over and in the past.

"The lab?" She wondered out loud with a small frown once she realized that that's exactly where Snape had led her.

"You consider it a calming place, do you not?" He returned as if it was the most obvious thing ever, and ushered Robin inside as soon as the door sprung open.

"Yes, I… I do." Robin said quietly with the underlying wonder of just how he knew that. Sure, it was true, but had it been that obvious to him? 

Without as much as another word, Snape lit up the fireplace and a few candles, tossed his rain-drenched robes over one of the tables and generally seemed to ignore Robin's presence as he moved about the room. She couldn't say she was mad about it, really, for it gave her the opportunity to stay out of his way while she calmed her breathing down to a point where her heart wasn't racing anymore. Then she moved towards the warmth of the fire, as its warmth on her frozen skin posed too strong of a pull to resist. A short sleeved t-shirt really wasn't suited for November weather, leave alone for the freezing cold of the rain that had soaked into it. Also, this entire time without shoes had left her feet almost entirely numb from the cold.

Without caring if she was allowed to, Robin sat down in front of the fire, as close as she could without burning her skin off. With a quiet sigh, she held both her hands and her feet into the warm glow for a moment. It burnt, but it was a good burn. Like coming back inside after a day in the snow. 

Once enough silence had passed, enough calm of the laboratory washed over her, she found herself feeling almost alright being in here, behind a locked door, with just Snape and herself and a bunch of dead animals and plants. But she was still terribly cold from the water and the mud all over her skin, no matter how close she moved towards the fire. She needed to get rid of the water, right now, even if she only could try to do so with magic. Without a wand, and without a  _ word,  _ Robin focused on the elemental spell she had learned two years ago. If it didn't work, she at least hadn't lost anything. But indeed, a mere few seconds later, she felt the layer of water dissolving on her skin, the itching of the drying mud along with it, and she opened her eyes just in time to see the minimal particles and the thin mist melting away for good. 

"Impressive." Came the quiet comment from the other side of the room, and Robin turned to sit sideways between the fireplace and her professor.

"Maybe… Misery makes for a good motivation." She replied with a sigh and pulled her legs to her chest to rest her chin on her knees. "I guess this is the part where I have to tell you about everything that happened so that you can figure out if there's any threat to the school…"

"That would be the next logical step, yes."

"I don't even know where to start. It's so… much." Robin signed again, and turned her head to look straight up at Snape where he stood a few steps away. "But I assume what matters right now isn't the entire story of how I ended up at Hagrid's, only the part that made me run in the first place. So let's start with what's important. I… encountered something, or someone, that looked exactly like me. Not even just similar, but an exact copy."

Finally Snape moved over to where Robin was sitting, and to her surprise, he sat down across from her in front of the fireplace to face her with all of his attention like he usually did when something she was saying intrigued him. "Do go on."

"Well, I… I don't know what it is. It was in my room tonight, when I woke up. It… seemed to have the entire control over my body for a while, and I was forced to mirror every of its movements. But it startled when I made a sound, and I could free myself from its influence. I pushed it away from me and ran as fast as I could."

"You touched it?"

"Yeah, I shoved it in the shoulder, or… or arm or someplace around there. I was kind of scared for my life so you will have to excuse the imprecision of that memory."

"What did that touch feel like? Unusually cold, perhaps?"

"No, actually… just like a normal person would." Robin shrugged and smoothed out invisible wrinkles on her flannel bottoms. "It had nothing… otherworldly about it, if you know what I mean."

"I believe I do."

"Do you remember my memory of the boggart?"

"That is hardly something I could forget. Do you assume that someone sent a boggart into your room?"

"No. And that's the point. I spent a lot of time last summer thinking about what happened between me and the boggart, reliving that memory if you will, and I wrote quite a bit about it. And while almost every descriptive word I used for the boggart-me also applies to the me I saw today, a few of the important ones don't fit together."

"You'll have to elaborate on that if you want me to follow."

"Well, the boggart  _ was  _ otherworldly in a way. It wasn't… humanly. It was an essence of eerie darkness clad in my skin. But tonight I faced a real person, whose most inherent attribute wasn't darkness but humanness. The boggart was a vision of me, the thing tonight was a reality. And seeing as it  _ wasn't _ me, it clearly has to be someone else."

"I can follow your logic, but I'm afraid it still does not give me any idea of what we are dealing with."

Robin sighed, feeling guilty and overall annoyed with herself because she just couldn't put the terrors she had seen into the right words. She could describe the physical representation of it, yes, but that was merely the tip of the iceberg. She wanted Snape to know the entire thing. Well, maybe she didn't have to  _ tell _ him the entire thing for him to know though. If she only would pull herself together for a moment, he could see what she had seen. Feeling what she had felt, without discovering the things  _ he  _ (unfortunately) made her feel in return. That was a risk worth taking.

"Perhaps you will know more when you take a look at it yourself." She said before she could change her mind. "You said that you can see every memory and emotion of mine, if I allow you to. I realize that you don't like doing that, but since the matter is urgent and I see no better way to do it… I want you to look into my mind."

"Are you absolutely certain about that?"

"Yes. I want you to know."

"Prepare yourself." He ordered, and Robin pushed anything but the horrors of the past week out of her mind. It left her feeling just an overwhelming hollowness. "Ready?"

"Yes." She replied over the lump in her throat, and a moment later she felt the uncomfortable prickle that always came along with legilimency. The more she focused on the things he needed to see, needed to understand, the more her chest closed up tightly and the wider the rivers on her cheeks grew. Damn those tears again… it was as if she had no control over her crying at all. Minutes passed, hours maybe, or only just seconds. Until the prickle stopped with a start. It was followed by Robin's immediate loss of focus, and the walls in her mind came crashing down upon the second he could no longer see.

For a moment, they simply continued looking at each other in silence. Robin with slowly drying tears in her eyes, and Snape like a deer caught in the headlights. Maybe Robin's eyes were just that soul-stealing indeed, but likelier was that something in her mind had shaken him more than he had anticipated.

"I…" He started, but didn't go on. Probably he couldn't find the right words, just like Robin hadn't been able to.

"I know." She replied nonetheless, following the intuition that told her he understood now. "You should just ignore everything that's not relevant to the task. Without all the fuss and emotions, it might be less… chaotic."

"I am not going to ignore a single part of this, Miss Mitchell, and I expect you not to suggest it again either. But what is more important currently… I believe that there is no threat to anyone but you indeed." He finally found his words, even if in a tone that was a lot harsher than what Robin would've expected. But if he was angry about something he probably had a reason to, and as long as that something wasn't Robin, she currently couldn't care less.

"But that means everything is fine, right? No threat, no danger, no damages." Robin tried to argue out of his perspective rather than her own. Of course the issue wasn't solved for Robin herself, but at least everyone else wasn't at risk. 

"Not even remotely." Now his tone was seriously grave, as if he had just discovered that the entire school was at great danger rather than safe for the moment. "Before I can even get started on addressing any of the _ horrors _ I have seen in your mind, I have to confirm an even worse suspicion. I respected your behaviours tonight, which in the given moment seemed unreasonable and out of context, and I ask you to do the very same for me right now. Can you do that?"

"Certainly, sir…" Robin replied with an insecure frown, pulling her knees a little tighter to her chest as she waited for whatever he might be up to.

But instead of saying any more, he rose to his feet and made his way over to one of the tables where he set up various ingredients, a cauldron, some other supplies… what the heck was he doing? Robin's frown deepened, but she was afraid to ask what he was up to. Not because of Snape, but because she didn't know if she wanted to hear the answer. 

Without any other sensible thing to do, she turned towards the fire once more in the hopes that the warmth would reach her inside as well and melt the remaining fear away. There was remarkably little left at this point, now that she had allowed him to see… It was good that Snape finally knew what had happened. She didn't have to carry the weight of the world by herself, didn't have to fix an issue that she didn't understand. She wasn't alone anymore. 


	21. The Dark of Night - Part 4

"Could you come over here please?" Snape's voice drew her attention away from the fireplace, and Robin found herself surprised that he actually even knew that the word 'please' could be used without sarcasm. If he used it in all seriousness now, the images in Robin's head must've left a deeper impression on him than she had expected.

With a touch of guilt on her mind, she got up and walked over to the table where he was working on whatever potion it was that was quietly bubbling in the small cauldron in front of him. If being here in his laboratory in her pajamas wasn't odd enough, standing next to him now in the same state while he was working definitely was. 

"What do you need me to do?" She asked as neutrally as she could, as her eyes followed every single movement of his hands on their own accord in admiring fascination. Whatever he was brewing here, it surely wasn't something she knew, nor something that was easy enough to be taught in class.

He stopped in his work mere seconds later and turned to Robin with an odd expression on his face, one she couldn't remember ever seeing before. "What you see here is a potion I invented after the incident with the boggart last term, to trace the spells that have affected a living being in the past seventy two hours."

His words made Robin's stomach drop immediately as she caught on to what he was implying. But she didn't want to believe it just yet. "Why are you making this?" Her voice was far too quiet to even feign neutrality, but it would've been useless anyway in the light of the honest discomfort in her eyes.

"To hopefully confirm my suspicion. I believe you have been hexed for some time now."

Robin only nodded for a moment, wrapping her head around the possibility of that. It was likely, yes, but who would've hexed her? And whatever for? Well, they would hopefully find out soon enough, if she finally stopped being a dunderhead and got into a serious mode of working with Snape again. "What can I do to help?"

"That is the downside." He mused and turned to look at the cauldron instead of Robin. "The potion requires your blood in order to determine the foreign magic used on you."

"Alright, how much do you need?" 

His eyes snapped back to Robin at the easy factuality of her voice, and the neutrality in his own was replaced by surprised incredulity. "A… few drops should suffice."

"May I?" Robin asked without further ado as she pointed to the knife on the cutting board in front of her, and upon his barely noticeable nod, she didn't hesitate to use it to make a small and precise cut on her left forearm, to which she then pressed her right hand to stop it from bleeding already. It didn't hurt, and she didn't mind. "Should I add it directly or do you need to do something else first?"

"Go ahead…" His voice was still everything but normal, everything but  _ neutral _ , and his unusual quietness about her ways of assisting him made Robin wonder if she had made a mistake. But he had given her the go after all, and so she moved to take his place in front of the cauldron, then held her forearm over the steaming brew and lifted her right hand just enough to let a few drops fall into the bubbling liquid. It turned red first, then entirely black.

"Anything else?" Robin asked as she made room for him again, holding her arm far away enough from her t-shirt to not risk smudging any blood on it. The cut really wasn't deep and hardly painful compared to everything she'd been through in the past few hours, but she didn't want new blood onto her clothes again any time soon. The thought of that alone made the hairs in her neck stand up, but she figured that it would probably stop bleeding in a minute anyway.

"It was the last step." Snape replied quietly, but kept his eyes and frown on her instead of the product of his efforts. Robin raised an eyebrow in question in return, and that finally made him go on, even if not in the way she expected. "You really are a curious creature."

Now Robin's other eyebrow lifted as well, and she didn't know if she should feel flattered or offended. The crimson heat rising to her face didn't differentiate between that though. "Uhm, I… sorry?"

With a sigh he lifted her arm up by her wrist, in a surprising gentleness that contrasted his irritated demeanor, then pried her hand away from the cut to take a look at it. But Robin didn't even feel the cut anymore, for any and every discomfort was washed away by the pleasantly blazing sensation of his hand wrapped around her arm. Oh come on, Robin!  _ Really?! _ She suppressed the urge to roll her eyes at herself, at the same time as she suppressed the unappreciated tingles. There was no time for this right now, and there never would be time for it! Hopefully that would finally get through that thick skull of hers.

Before she knew, her arm was dropped to her side again, the cut gone and the very much different prickle of magic fading from her skin. "Thank you." She said, even though she didn't know for sure what had happened or what he had done. Once again she had been too caught up in her own head to be bothered with reality.

"I was under the impression that after what happened…" He paused, thought, and turned towards the potion on the table once more before he spoke on. "I did not expect you to be so…  _ factual  _ about the issue. In the light of recent events."

Oh… he was referring to the fact that she had woken up entirely covered in blood a mere few hours ago. Oh well, that surely would be terribly troublesome to anyone who actually acknowledged that it had happened as a part of their reality. In Robin's mind, the events were mere scenes of a movie she had seen a long time ago. Obviously her subconsciousness hadn't found any other way to cope with these memories, for that's what the pictures were becoming now, and Robin was fine with it as long as she could finally function again. Functioning, working, facts… that's what always served to make her mind shut up. But she understood that it must be confusing for Snape, who only saw the results of her weird coping mechanisms now, not the way of coping itself.

"I think I'm better already." She summed up her previous thought process. "Not nearly alright, but mostly fit for function. And right now I need to function to finally get through this mess. So, your theory… would you tell me more? How did you get the idea that I was hexed?"

Snape raised an eyebrow at Robin for a moment, but seeing as she looked back at him with calm seriousness, he sat down on the stool behind him with a sigh and motioned for Robin to sit down as well. "I have had the suspicion that something might be wrong with you ever since last Monday, when Pomona informed me of the incident in your herbology class. Then on Wednesday it was confirmed when you did not feel like working in the evening."

"How did  _ that _ of all things confirm that something was wrong with me?"

"I have seen you working with a broken ankle after getting beaten up by the Whomping Willow. If anything stops you from following your passion for learning, it must be more serious than that." He stated, then continued with the previous explanation. "Of course I did not know the true extent or gravity of the issue before you let me see for myself, but if I had been aware of your  _ nightmares _ at least, I might have been able to draw the necessity conclusion a lot sooner. Say, why did you choose not to tell me?"

"I wanted to!" Robin replied instinctively, but then decided to give a more rational than emotional answer. "I… wanted to tell you, on Wednesday night. But you were so busy with more important things and I didn't think it was important enough to bother you with. I mean, nightmares are just such a childish thing to get so entirely upset about… it's just not something you talk about with your professor if you ever want to be taken seriously again."

"Am I not taking you seriously?"

"Actually, you are the only one who does. And I didn't want to endanger that by complaining about something like this. I just didn't want to reduce myself to a pathetic little girl who is scared of something as childish as bad dreams."

"First point, if you call those nightmares childish then I truly do not wish to know what your childhood looked like. Second point, I would never think less of you for confiding in me about any issue at all. But I do realize that I tend to call people 'pathetic' rather casually, so I see your point in thinking I might do the same to you. I would never. Not… seriously, at least. You know that. Third and most important point, your nightmares weren't, in fact, nightmares at all."

"Wait, what?!" Could he repeat that just a little less casually?? And… not confuse her poor heart by actually being nice to her now?

"What you saw was beyond terrifying, but those images  _ weren't  _ nightmares. They weren't even dreams. Or have you at any point in your previous life experienced the very same vivid dream for a week in a row and found yourself able to remember every detail once you woke up?"

"No, of course not… it really is a bit weird, admittedly. I have actually briefly considered the possibility that they weren't my  _ own _ dreams, but never that they weren't dreams at all. What were they though? And who would be cruel and creative enough to torture me like that?"

"That is precisely what we are going to find out now." With that he snatched a piece of parchment out from where it was stuck between two books on the other table, then placed it next to the cauldron in front of them. "The way this potion works is simple: you let droplets of it fall onto a clear surface, and it will spell out the magic last used on the subject whose blood was added."

While he did just that, Robin got to witness what he had explained and how it actually made sense when put into action. The black droplets seemed to soak into the parchment for a moment, then they formed the words that had been spoken, and thus the spell that had been used. A remarkable piece of magic, and Robin couldn't help the curiosity that overcame her like it would under normal circumstances.

"How did you come up with this?!" She wondered in astonishment as she let her fingers trace over the slowly forming words. They didn't smudge like ink would… curious. "It's brilliant, I mean… I wish I had the energy left to really think it through, but it's already quite ingenious in its existence alone."

"Perhaps…" He mused, careful in his voice of words. "I will explain it to you at a different point in time. If you would like that."

"I would like that a lot, actually." Robin replied with a small smile, the first one in a long time. Maybe sorting through this mess together  _ did  _ help her in dealing with it after all.

"As for the current issue…" He went on then, directed at the piece of parchment, and Robin followed his eyes down to the now clearly legible writing on it. "It appears that my suspicions were correct."

"Okay, but what exactly does that mean? Did… did someone really hex me?" The insecure frown was back on Robin's face as she looked at the paper in an attempt to make sense of the spells. Some of them looked familiar… others completely foreign. But there were a lot more of them than Robin had expected.

"Someone  _ tried  _ to hex you, yes." He started, and his voice took a grave turn as he did. "This spell here…" Only once Robin had read the words he was pointing at, he continued. "It is a terribly ragged alternation of a simple charm. Instead of giving the victim harmless visions born of their own mind, the spell was reworded to give the victim realistic visions that were predetermined by the person casting it. This very likely is what was used on you every night during the past week to instil the very same pictures into your mind. Those dreams were knowingly forced upon you, that much is clear now."

"Who would go through that trouble to do something like that?! And… why not simply use legilimency to place pictures into my mind, it would be an easier choice for that, wouldn't it?" Robin frowned. "Why make things difficult and use a self-made spell?"

"I can only assume that the person behind this spell either wasn't aware of the advantages of legilimency, or was indeed aware of the fact that they would not be good enough at it to get through your defense. It is no secret among the staff that you are a decent occlumens, and I believe it should be equally known among your peers." 

"So someone altered an entirely different spell just to hex me? To give me nightmares?"

"That seems to have been their intention, yes. But going by your experiences and my own, I am led to believe that while it was intended to be a hex, it turned out a curse instead. That would explain why it affected you so strongly."

"So I was  _ cursed _ ?!" 

"Yes."

"Oh bloody hell…" Robin sighed to herself, and honestly she didn't know if she wanted to be relieved or even more terrified. On one hand it was good news that she was someone else's victim, not her own. But on the other hand it also made her  _ someone else's victim _ ! She frowned at another thought. "Uh, professor...? How exactly did the person who cursed me know what kind of visions they needed to show me to mess with my head that much?"

"It could be a mere coincidence."

"No, it couldn't. You saw what my worst fear was last year, and you saw the visions given to me now. Do you seriously believe that something  _ that  _ similar in both its manifestation and result could be a coincidence?"

"No." Snape replied with a defensive scowl. "And before you try to accuse me of telling someone the truth behind the incident with the boggart, let me assure you that I have better things to do than gossip about your fears and memories."

"I… didn't even consider accusing you of anything, actually." Robin said in a calm but quiet voice, as she realized that he really was the only person who knew about her fear in the first place. Still, absolutely nothing within her believed that he would've done that, not to her and not to anyone else. "I know you wouldn't tell anyone about what you see in my mind."

"And what makes you so ridiculously certain about that?" This, clearly, was a test. Robin could tell by his tone, by the frown on his face, even by the fact that he was asking in the first place and not straight out scolding her for making assumptions about him. But it was a test she felt ready to take, even if it was totally the wrong time for something like this.

"Actually, there's two very good answers to that and one you wouldn't want to hear: First, you yourself seem uncomfortable enough knowing about it in the first place, thus I doubt that you would have any gain out of letting other people know that  _ you  _ know. Second and more importantly, you are the smartest person I know, and therefore I honestly doubt that you would consider betraying the trust of someone who is keeping secrets of yours in return. It simply would be unwise, even if that person would never betray you in return."

"What's the third answer?" He asked without any reaction to what Robin had just so very frankly stated.

"That I trust you. Obviously. But seeing as that is my own sentiment rather than a tangible reason, I was under the impression that it would hardly matter to you."

"It shouldn't." He mused, more to himself than to Robin, and turned his focus back to the parchment so exclusively that Robin felt like she had passed the test against his own expectation. For that, she felt a little pleased with herself at last, considering that it was a huge success for a night that had already messed her up so very much. One small win that weighed up quite a few losses in return.

"Before we go any deeper into the question of how your fears became known to the person responsible for the visions, we might as well try to find that person and ask them." Snape commented a moment later, all back to the seriousness of before.

"I agree." Robin replied in an equal 'back-to-business' mode of behavior. "What do the spells say about what happened tonight? There must be one spell at least that's responsible for making me someone else's puppet. I don't really know about the blood or the other me, that might not be anything directly affecting me, but-..."

"Say that again." He ordered with one quick look at Robin, then a frown back at the parchment.

"Uh…" Robin was thrown off her track of thought by the interruption, but stared at the parchment nonetheless as if it would give her the right words to reply now. "I… said that I don't know if the blood or the bodies were really there or if it was magic, but I definitely know that one spell must've been used on me, at least, to make me a puppet of the other me."

"It seems like you just answered your own question." He pointed at another three words written close to the bottom of the list. "Do you know that spell?"

"It looks vaguely familiar, but I'm not entirely certain which bell it rings with me."

"It does exactly what you said: it turns  _ inanimate  _ objects into puppets at the will and command of who spoke the spell. Again, it was reworked to affect a living being just the same, but I believe that this goal was achieved with more luck than reason."

"So someone created a makeshift imperius curse. For  _ me. _ " Robin stated in a mixture of distancing incredulity and simple refusal to acknowledge the insanity of this. "And then they used it to  _ scare  _ me? I can't believe how stupid that sounds while yet being absolutely terrifying."

"This has to be the most pathetically successful orchestration of cruelty I have ever seen." 

"That… is a very good description." Robin sighed, but she still didn't really see the point in all of this. Who would do something like that? And why? At least knowing the 'how' behind what had happened made her feel much less afraid of it. "Do you have any idea how the second 'me' could be explained? Or the bodies?"

"I do have theories, but no proof to either of them." He replied and folded the piece of parchment into smaller and smaller squares under Robin's careful observation.

"Still, enlighten me. Please…" She requested as she wondered what he was up to yet again when he placed the piece of parchment in one of his pockets.

"Polyjuice potion, any and every possible delusion spell, constructed illusions, projected illusions, mere physical acts of trickery, more altered charms, acts of-…" 

"Alright alright, I… I get it." She sighed, and he stopped in his counting down of possibilities. "A different approach, maybe: do you have an idea who could have constructed these spells, or why?"

"Well, who would take such joy in your suffering that they wouldn't refrain from cursing you?" Snape asked in return as he rose from his stool.

"Maybe you better ask me who  _ wouldn't  _ like to see me suffering…" Robin scoffed and leaned the weight of her upper body onto her forearms on the table, for sitting upright and straight became too exhausting at last. "That would definitely be easier to answer."

"Maybe you could narrow it down to the individuals who possess the ability to rework more or less innocent spells into serious, even if adulterated, pieces of dark magic."

Somehow his words rang a bell in Robin's mind, and her eyes widened in shock and dread at her own thought. No… that was ridiculous. Seriously, that was just insane. But wasn't this entire situation insane enough already to make basically anything possible? Maybe. "I… have a name in mind, but it would be  _ very  _ inappropriate to say what I think in this case."

"I believe we moved past appropriate when you attacked me with a saucepan, so you may just as well tell me who you are thinking of."

"Professor Morgan." Robin blurted out before her lips could stay sealed, before her mind could find a better way to approach this delicate topic.

"That happens to have been my first thought as well." He replied as if this serious accusation was absolutely nothing to him. "However no matter how incompetent and imbecile I find that man, in the light of longer consideration I doubt that he is the core of the occurrences."

"But you think he's got something to do with it at least?" Robin inquired. Gosh, she wouldn't even be surprised if Morgan  _ had  _ any part in this. Somehow her problems usually came down to him anyway, or to the other Slytherins.

"I do believe he does, knowingly or not." Snape mused as he rounded the table and made for the door. "No matter what I believe, I shall pay him a visit right in this instant."

"Wait!" Robin blurted out yet again before her rational mind had a say. Maybe the tiredness  _ was  _ catching up with her at last, no matter if she could force her body to stay awake or not. But a tired mind meant a slow filter between thought and speech, and Robin struggled for a decent way to cover up the fact that she didn't want him to leave her alone. Not even in the safety of the lab. Seems like not  _ all  _ fear had left her mind after all. "Uh, it's… it's roughly four o'clock in the morning! I couldn't imagine Morgan to be awake." 

"He most likely isn't, but that doesn't mean I cannot wake him up." It sounded way too simple put like that, unfortunately. "I want this issue to be solved as soon as possible and Morgan is a good point to start."

"Isn't it a bit… weird to come to him with some spells in the middle of the night to find out if they originated from him?"

"Is it? I am merely consulting the school's defense against the dark arts professor in the urgent matter of protecting the  _ students  _ from the dark magic that is inherent in these spells we discovered. This is important school business, and that makes it perfectly reasonable to find him at this time." He explained, and Robin found herself surprised that he bothered to explain his reasons to her at all when he had so often before made a point in not having to explain himself to her, or anyone else for that matter.

"Perfectly reasonable indeed." Robin sighed more defeatedly than intended, but quickly got a gasp of herself again. She didn't want to be alone right now, while they still hadn't answered all of the important questions. While she didn't know who had cursed her just to see her suffering. But she also knew that her only chance at finding out was for Snape to go question Morgan now. "Uh, what would you like me to do in the meanwhile? I… can leave, if you want, or-..."

"You should stay here for now, until the issue is solved. I will lock the door with an additional charm that should prevent anyone but you and me from entering the laboratory. Try to rest." Now, that was more a suggestion than an order for once, and Robin nodded compliantly. Before Snape finally closed the door behind himself however, he turned to Robin once more. "There are ingredients in this room that in sum cost more than the entire castle. You can believe me when I say you are perfectly safe in here with them. But I should not be gone for long either way." With that the door was closed, the room silent and Robin on her own.

… … … 

After a moment of listening to the silence, Robin moved from the table back towards the fireplace. It wasn't all too cold in the small room, usually, but the warmth of the fire still made her feel more comfortable, especially now that she was far from appropriately clad and far from having sufficient energy to keep herself warm. 

At least she already felt a whole lot better on the inside than she had a good while ago. Still scared, yes, and anxious as well, but not terrified out of her mind. Not like crying, not like running. That was a step into the right direction, and one she believed she had only been able to make after the threat had become tangible to her. It was far easier to deal with a person who possesses evil but mediocre magic skills than with a mysterious, allconsuming dark force that was ineffable in its extent and threat.

"Oh, Miss Mitchell!" A small, squeaky voice made Robin yelp nonetheless as it suddenly came out of nowhere, right next to her.

"Buttercup! Bloody hell, you scared me…" Robin said as she took deep breaths to calm her heart back down. "What on earth are you doing here?"

"I apologise, Miss, I am terribly sorry!" The house elf looked to her feet in shame and Robin immediately felt bad for being so harsh to her in her surprise.

"It's alright, don't feel bad about it please. I'm just… jumpy tonight." Robin sighed and tried to somewhat smile at the elf. None of this was her fault after all. "Why are you here?" 

"To bring you whatever you would like, Miss." Buttercup answered brightly. "From the kitchens or any other place."

Robin closed her eyes for a brief second and took one more deep breath, then had to smile for real. "Did Professor Snape send you here?"

"Yes, but he told me not to tell you that, only to bring you whatever you request. So what would you like, Miss?" Buttercup smiled happily, and Robin had to smirk at the clueless innocence of the young servant as well as Snape's attempt to conceal his any and every act of kindness. He might have gotten better at accepting Robin's kind gestures, but he definitely wasn't anywhere near accepting his own. Oh well, an issue for another point in time.

"I would like you to bring me three things from my room, if that's possible?" Robin inquired, and Buttercup nodded immediately.

"Yes, yes! Anything from anywhere, Miss!"

"Good… could you please get me my wand from my nightstand, the old leather backpack from next to my bed, and the black lace-up boots with the yellow stitching from under my bed?" Robin said a little slower than normal, not in a condescending way, but to make sure the elf could memorize it without a haste. No need to rush the poor girl.

"Certainly, Miss. I will be back in a moment." And with that she was gone, leaving Robin alone in the room again. This certainly was a spontaneous development of things, Buttercup showing up here, but not at all unappreciated… Robin couldn't wait to get her hands on her most precious belongings. Everything material that she needed and valued was in that backpack, except for her wand and her favorite pair of shoes. And if Buttercup found those as well, Robin could very well live without ever setting foot into her room again. She would have to live in her pajamas, but she would live indeed.

"Please don't startle again, Miss…" Came the small voice, a mere whisper, from Robin's left after a few minutes, and Robin felt touched that the elf actually made an effort not to scare her again.

"All good, I'm fine." She replied and immediately went to help the completely over-packed Buttercup put her belongings down. 

"I brought everything you requested, Miss!" The elf said, still sounding overjoyed to be helping Robin out. "Your instructions were very helpful, thank you for your efforts."

"That wasn't an effort at all! It is the least I can do to make it easier for you." Robin tried to explain to her, but already knew that the elf wouldn't listen to that. "I'm very thankful for  _ your  _ effort to bring me my belongings." 

"It was my privilege to help you. Would you like anything else?"

"Say, how did my room look?" Robin asked, coming to think back to the puddles of blood she had seen. "Anything… unusual?"

"Your room looked perfectly ordinary, Miss. Very clean for one of the students' rooms."

"And what about my roommates?"

"All four of them are sleeping, and one was snoring. And there was a cat on your bed." Buttercup stated positively, seemingly delighted about being able to give such a detailed report. 

"How curious…" Robin mused to herself, but before she could dwell on it, Buttercup interrupted her thoughts.

"Is there anything else I can do for you, Miss?"

"I would like for you to accept another piece of the muggle candy I have given to you before. You liked it, didn't you?"

"Yes, Miss, I did like it. But you are too kind to me, I cannot accept any more-..."

"You would make me very happy if you could accept it." Robin argued innocently, even though she knew she was tricking the poor girl. But it was for her own good. "It would make me happy if I could make you happy with that candy."

"If it makes you happy, Miss… It makes me happy." She gave in with a sheepish smile, and Robin grabbed her wand and her backpack and summoned a Twirl with a simple  _ accio  _ out of the bag's depths to give it to the house elf.

"Here you go… I hope you enjoy it as much as I do." 

"Thank you, Miss. You really are beyond kind. Us house elves don't receive gifts often, it really is special to be given something." 

"Well, you could always take this candy back to the kitchens and multiply it. Then everyone of you can have a piece, as a gift." Robin suggested in a careful friendliness, and in the hopes that Buttercup would actually enjoy doing that. It really was difficult sometimes to get an honest opinion out of a house elf. Almost as hard as getting an honest opinion out of Snape, only in the exact opposite way.

"Would you like for me to do that?" 

"Yes." Robin replied after a moment of thinking. "Tell them Robin and Professor Snape say thank you for the occasional chocolate cake, and the occasional help."

The elf giggled at Robin's comment and clutched the candy to her chest like it was the most precious item she had ever held. "Certainly, Miss. Would you like me to bring you anything else?"

"No. Thank you, Buttercup."

"You are most welcome, Miss."

"Actually, I  _ would  _ like for you to stop calling me 'Miss'... Just Robin is fine."

"Certainly, Miss Robin." Buttercup smiled brightly at Robin, who couldn't help smiling in return at the incorrigible ways of the house elves. Well, if it made her happy… 

"Goodnight. Enjoy the candy." Robin said after a moment of silence, and the young elf gave her a small wave before disappearing again, leaving Robin alone with her newly regained belongings.

Sighing in relief, Robin took quick inventory of her backpack, then inspected her wand for any blemishes that weren't supposed to be there and finally put on the socks she'd stuffed into her boots the previous evening and then the shoes themselves. Funny how she had never before truly appreciated the luxury of having shoes… or clothing in general.

Then she tried to find the black jumper she was sure to have put into her backpack, but as neither the  _ accio  _ nor a physical search brought any results, Robin gave up on it and simply scooted herself a bit closer to the fire again. Hadn't she even put a darn rain coat in there too, at some point? Then she remembered… she'd taken both the jacket and the jumper out last Saturday when she'd gotten caught in the rain during a walk, and then left both pieces hanging over her chair to dry. In the frenzy of the whole nightmare thing, she had never had the mind to put them back into her bag though.  _ Great…  _ She would seriously need to upgrade her inventory once all of this was over. With all the space she had, she'd definitely pack at least two entire changes of clothes, some shoes and a blanket. But planning to do that in the future didn't help her now.

Yawning, Robin spun and twisted her wand between her fingers and simply gazed into the flames without any lasting string of thought. It must be nearing five o'clock… and she was dead tired. Maybe she should just close her eyes for a moment, only until Snape would return. If she couldn't think straight when he got back, she would be of absolutely no use to solving the issue at hand and that was the last thing she wanted. A few minutes of rest surely couldn't hurt anyone, right? She had her wand with her now, along with everything of value when it came to protecting herself. She was prepared now. And this probably  _ was  _ one of the safest places in the entire castle indeed, so nobody could get to her here… not even the nightmares that weren't nightmares. Nobody knew where she was, nobody could curse her. She was going to be alright. He had promised it. 

With a silent sigh, Robin moved over to the nearest wall to lean against the side of the shelf, but it was too far away from the fire, too cold for her to be comfortable, and thus she admitted her defeated to circumstance and simply curled into a ball directly in front of the flames while using her backpack as a pillow. After everything that had happened tonight, this didn't even seem inappropriate anymore, and honestly, she also couldn't care less. She would pass out soon anyway, so she might as well lay down first. Indeed, before she could think of any reason not to, she had already succumbed to exhaustion.


	22. The Dark of Night - Part 5

A loud bang, followed by an orchestra of rattling jars and bottles jolted Robin awake. With a sharp intake of breath she sat up, wide eyes frantically scanning the dim room around her as her fingers curled tightly around her wand. Before she could go into full defense mode however, her startled gaze was met with the equally surprised one of her professor. Geez, he really was positively insufferable. Slowly the tension in Robin's muscles relaxed, but she kept her eyes on him nonetheless while her sleepy mind reluctantly started picking up its work again. Why did  _ he  _ look so surprised? It was him who had burst into the room and slammed the door like a maniac after all!

"I apologise." Snape said after a few seconds, and Robin's eyebrows rose in surprise. "I didn't consider that my behavior might startle you. My mind was elsewhere."

"It's alright, I mean… Is everything alright? Did you find out from Morgan whose spells those are? Is that why you are so… upset?" Ignoring the fact that he had actually apologised for once, for inconsiderate behavior out of all things, Robin immediately went back to the issue at hand as she jumped up to her feet to meet him at the table they had been sitting at who-knows-how-long ago. 

" _ Upset  _ doesn't nearly cover it, Miss Mitchell." He drawled in a grim tone and the expression to go along with it. "But indeed, I did discover who the spells originated from, and I would even go as far as to say I have unveiled the entirety of this affair."

"What?" Robin couldn't help but stare at him with an incredulous frown. "You… You know what's going on?"

"I do." He confirmed, but made no move to speak on for a moment, which in return made Robin roll her eyes against her better judgement. With a scowl in reaction to that, he finally went on. "Professor Morgan did  _ not  _ create the spells. However, after some…  _ convincing _ , he was able to tell me who did."

"And?" 

"As far as one can trust his word, a group of students. Fourth and fifth year Slytherins. He said they approached him a few days after the start of term, inquiring if and how innocent charms could be turned into dark magic."

"And, of course, Morgan told them…" Robin groaned in annoyance and dread, closing her eyes for a second to focus on not letting a row of insults slip past her lips. Not the bad ones, at least. "That man is a nightmare all in himself."

"He became an  _ unknowing _ asset to them, yes." Snape phrased it more nicely, but the way he said it clearly let on very much the same disdain that had been more directly put in Robin's expression. "But he was able to give me the names of the students who made the inquiry at least."

"Who was it?" Robin asked even though she already felt like she knew the answer to that. 

"Mister Thompson, Mister Campton, Miss Sparks, Miss-..."

"Sparks? As in… Melody Sparks, my roommate?" A new heatwave of discomfort ran through Robin's body in an instant, and she really hoped that she was somehow misunderstanding this. Maybe her mind was still fogged from sleeping.

"The very same. Your other three roommates were among the group as well." He confirmed Robin's suspicion, upon which she let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. Gods… it was so absurd, and yet so very obvious.

"Do you really think that a stupid little group of students cursed me like that?" Robin still couldn't help asking, more hoping to be proven wrong than out of an actual lack of understanding.

"I do not merely think they did, but I know it for a fact." He replied.

"You do? How so?" 

"I summoned them to my office and asked them." 

Now Robin's frown turned into a wide eyed stare once again, and her heartbeat grew uncomfortably fast again. "You… what? When? I… but…"

"Maybe it would help to follow a more… chronological order of events." He sighed, and started over. "After I received the names from Morgan, I was quite frankly as doubtful as you are now. Thus I took the liberty to summon the individuals in question to my office to get at least one step further in solving this issue before breakfast. Yet, I did not expect to solve it entirely, and I cannot say I am glad I did." He made a small pause, and Robin felt like he actually might not know how to phrase what was to follow appropriately. 

"Just say it." She encouraged him to continue, and prepared herself for absolutely anything he might say.

"It was only a practical joke. A simple, pathetic prank that a group of cruel students decided to play on a classmate. They simply deemed it amusing to scare you." He said in that grave tone that went beyond annoyance, beyond any scowl. "None of them possesses the necessary abilities nor intelligence to realize what they have done,  _ truly  _ have done. Or what the spells they have created are capable of."

"No…" Robin said without thinking and shook her head to herself. "It was not a prank! It was NOT a bloody joke!!! It _cannot_ be…" 

"They have no idea that they cursed you, and neither are they aware of the extent of those curses. Nor of the toll their actions took on you. Really, Mister Thompson was quick to explain the hilarity they found in witnessing the boggart incident last term, and the entire group altogether was hoping for a… repetition of those events."

"They just wanted me to jump and pass out?!" She still couldn't believe a word of it, or rather didn't want to.

"In the end, yes. That was the aim of last night's horror theater."

"Well, I'm sure they were delighted to hear that they almost killed me instead."

"They are entirely unaware of that."

"Really?" Now Robin frowned even more now, but finally found herself able to look Snape in the eye once more. "You… didn't tell them?"

"Obviously not. I demanded the truth and they gave it to me. Then I threw them out of my office to be dealt with at a different time."

"And you are certain that they told the truth?" 

"Yes. Students tend to speak the truth when I threaten them." 

"I guess I wouldn't know that, would I?" Robin tried a half smile, but she couldn't quite convey it yet. "Uh, how did they do that thing tonight, with the other me?"

"Polyjuice potion."

"Ah…" Every doubt and question within her collapsed suddenly and made room for sheer and utter humiliation. "And the… dreams? How did they know how to scare me so deeply?"

"Part of your terror was solely born out of the curse, you should keep that in mind." He said at first, but then answered her question nonetheless. "It is related to the general origin of their ideas. Miss Sparks said she discovered a piece of writing of yours at the start of term, which supposedly gave her the idea to mess with you. She confided in her friends, they took the issue to Mister Thompson, and he got Mister Campton involved, who obviously still holds a grudge against you after the incident with the Whomping Willow. They each thought it a fun activity to giggle over with their friends like the bunch of lunatics they are, and thus half of the fourth and fifth year Slytherin students got involved in the execution of this scheme at last. Needless to say, their ambition got out of hand by the point it all was set into action."

"I… don't know what to say." Robin replied in a breath, and stared at a burnt spot on the table in front of her. This is not what she had imagined the solution to this mystery to be, not even close. Somehow, it seemed entirely unimaginable that such a large group of people had formed for the mere sake of letting her suffer. And it was even more unimaginable that they still had no idea just  _ how much  _ they had succeeded in that. It was only a prank. Only a joke. Her suffering, a joke. Her terror, a joke. The fact that she had been one hundred percent willing to die tonight, a joke.

"I know what you are thinking, and I ask you to stop. Right now." His words broke the silence after a moment, but Robin still couldn't get over this impossible ending to the worst night of her life.

"No offense, but I beg to differ." She replied quietly, but didn't look up from the table. She didn't feel scared anymore… only deeply humiliated, embarrassed of herself, and angry that she was embarrassed in the first place.

"I believe you are contemplating how you can pay them back."

"Why do you believe that I'm contemplating such a thing?"

"Because I am." He stated it so simply that Robin didn't even feel surprised anymore. Pleased, yes, but not surprised.

"That's… good to hear. I'm afraid you're wrong about me though. The thought hadn't even crossed my mind." She sighed and finally looked up at him just in time to see his eyebrows rise in surprise. "I don't care about payback or about revenge at all."

"I am rarely surprised, and somehow whenever I am, it always seems to revolve around you." He finally stated, and Robin managed another weak half smile in return. She really did like the idea of being able to surprise him. Even if, or maybe because it made him question her. "What are you thinking of then, if not about revenge?"

"Are you asking me that or do you demand to know?" Robin asked in return, and he seemed even more surprised at that.

"Does it make a difference to you?"

"Yes." 

"I believe I am asking." 

"In that case I would like to refrain from answering for once. I've told you everything you needed to know, everything you  _ wanted  _ to know… But this is something I don't think I can explain." Robin said in the sincere hope that after all the times she had been so very honest with him, he would let this one question go for once. 

"I understand." He didn't sound too content with her refusal, but he respected it and that's what counted for Robin. "May I still offer a piece of… advice in return?"

"Certainly."

"Then let me assure you that they only hold power over you if you allow them to determine who you are. And if they keep you from speaking up."

"They?"

"Nightmares… Fears… Bullies…" He said in very much feigned neutrality. Really, under all those constructed layers of his facade, he seemed to be just as shaken as her. "You are better than them."

Robin let out a half humored and half annoyed huff and rested her head in her hands for a moment. "That is great advice, actually, and yet I hate that it makes me want to tell you."

"That wasn't my intention."

"I  _ know… _ " Robin sighed, and she really did know it to the core of her mind. He was sneaky, yes, but this simply wasn't his kind of method at all. "I know. But you are right, I… shouldn't be embarrassed by something that wasn't in my control."

"You feel embarrassed?"

"Yes! Terribly so, actually. I feel embarrassed that I let them scare me that much, that my mind made such a big deal out of a mere stupid prank. That I seriously believed that this whole thing was something  _ more, _ and that I made you believe it too. I'm truly sorry for that."

"You couldn't have known.  _ I  _ didn't know, and I'm supposed to know. I am responsible for keeping things like this from happening, so if anything, I failed  _ you  _ tonight." For a moment, he seemed as surprised by his own honesty as Robin was. For a moment indeed, they just looked at each other in silence again before he continued. "The sheer amount of coincidences involved in this incident is astonishing, and ultimately what blew it completely out of proportion. You aren't responsible for any of it, and if I may say so, you were quite right to be terrified." A small pause, and his frown turned almost into subtle sadness. "There is no difference if it was students accidentally torturing you with adulterated magic or if something else tortured you intentionally with the worst curses modern history has to offer. It was torture nonetheless."

"But it… they…" Robin couldn't keep looking him in the eye if she truly wanted to say this. She wasn't that brave. But if she didn't say it now, to him, she would never say it at all. "I'm used to it, you know… being bullied and hurt and ridiculed, especially by my own house. I have learned to stand above it, to be better than that. And honestly, I can also live with the death I have seen. I can even live with the death I thought to have caused. Those pictures are a horror film, and as any film, you can shake the memory off if you know that it isn't real. Wait, do you even know what horror films are?"

" _ Obviously... _ " Again, his tone was somewhere unfathomable between humored, annoyed and curious.

"Good… Uh, well, anyway… I think I mostly got over the nightmares when we discovered that they weren't nightmares, and I got over the real life thing that happened tonight when I realized it was polyjuice potion and fake blood. Well, I hope it was fake blood at least, it was all over my-..."

"You are rambling." 

"Yes. I know. I do that when I'm nervous. Or when I dread saying what I actually want to say."

"You do not have to say anything at all if you would prefer not to." He stated pointedly but sincerely, and Robin appreciated that. The always quite so demanding Professor Snape was giving her a choice. He had been doing that for a while now, actually. It wasn't much to expect of anyone, but coming from him, it was a lot. 

"I don't know if I can live with the fact that I didn't care if I lived or died." Robin heard herself say the words as if they came from someone else. "What does it say about me that I wanted to die after what they have done?"

"More importantly, what does it say about you that you are still here after what they have done?"

The returned question put an immediate pause to Robin's mind. She hadn't looked at it in this light before, hadn't considered that while she had been in a very bad place before, she still was here now. That wasn't due to herself though. "It was Hagrid who made me get out of the water."

"Yes, remind me to thank him for that at some point."

"He's the reason I'm still here."

"Not even remotely."

"Then what is your point?"

"My point is that you would not have been terrified if you truly had wanted to die. My point is that people who truly want to die would embrace the opportunity once it arises, not try to fight it. _My point_ is that you are still here because you chose to live despite what was done to you!" His words contradicted the glare he gave Robin, but she chose to see it as an expression of just how serious he was about what he said. The mere fact that he was this determined to help her made her heart flutter, but it also left her no option but to believe him indeed.

"Do you really think that my choice to live says more about me than my willingness to die?" She asked sincerely, rawly even, with more conscious vulnerability than she had ever allowed herself to show before. But it was too late, too far, too important for anything else.

"I do." He was entirely serious in his reply, and intent on making her believe it too. "We are not defined by what is done to us, nor by what it makes us think or feel. What matters are the choices we make because of it, or despite of it."

"Thank you…" Robin sighed in honest relief, and closed her eyes for a moment to let the truth get through even to the darkest depths of her mind. She was still here, still Robin, and finally not afraid anymore. Only dead tired. The problem was solved, all questions answered and only one thing left to do: moving on. 

Robin sighed, elbows on the table, head in her hands. How exactly was she supposed to do that? Maybe she should start by coming back into the real world.

"What time is it?" She asked first of all, sitting up straight once more to look at the skeptical potions professor in front of her. "I have lost every feeling for how late or early it is long ago."

"Between eight and nine in the morning, I am not entirely certain."

"Good gods…" Robin groaned under her breath. "I have kept you up all night. I'm sorry."

"The issue required immediate solving and that took its time."

"Is it solved though?"

"What do you mean?" 

"Do you… think they will try to do it again?" The thought made Robin more uneasy than she would've expected, but she didn't want to let it affect her any more than it already had. She could deal with those asshole students if she had to, now that she knew who was responsible.

"I cannot give you an absolute answer, obviously, but I would not expect them to. In my understanding, they had the conclusion to their efforts in the grand finale last night. Seeing as they were entertained more by the secrecy of the process than by the results, I would assume that I put an end to it. However, if you experience anything suspicious, I expect you to find me immediately."

"I definitely will, but it's good to know that it should be over now, if they're finally happy with what they've done. I know it's probably none of my business, but do you plan on punishing them for what they did, if you haven't already? What's going to happen to them now?"

"I do consider it to be your business indeed." He replied almost easily. "And while I do believe they must be punished, I haven't yet decided on appropriate means to do so. To me, their actions are unforgivable, but seeing as I am biased, I might have to consult the headmaster in that question."

His answer made Robin's skin crawl, and she wondered what exactly he meant when he said he was biased, but she didn't dare to ask. He was already being extremely open with her right now, and she didn't want to push him too far. Maybe she would find out eventually. "Well, I know you will find an appropriate way to deal with the issue, sir. You always do. Unfortunately not everyone learns from punishment."

"Indeed…" He mused, following a line of thought Robin couldn't fathom. But then again, she didn't have to. 

"So, what am I to do now?" Robin asked instead, and couldn't help feeling a little lost, in the lab, in her pajamas, without a clear agenda. "I mean… it surely isn't dangerous for me to leave the lab anymore, and I wouldn't want to overstay my welcome."

"I have been contemplating that for a while now, and I would prefer for you not to return to living with your roommates. It would be best if you moved to a different room."

"That would cause an awful lot of trouble for very little gain though, wouldn't it? I mean… To be honest, I doubt that the other girls would appreciate having me in their rooms either. Changing rooms might simply delay the inevitable."

"You are concerned about a repetition of these events in a different form, at a different time?"

"Obviously." Robin mimicked his favorite expression, but he merely raised an eyebrow in a very subtle (and amused) warning.

"Your worry is reasonable. I was concerned about the very same thing, seeing as it would be rather annoying to go through this entire debacle again." He stated in the worst feigned indifference possible, and Robin had to smile. Snape was being Snape again… things were returning to normal. Good. "That, among other things, is why I decided to assign you to a room with two first year students."

"I… you… really?" Robin's jaw dropped, but she couldn't yet decide if she should be amused, insulted or anything in between. First years, really? She hadn't even been able to stand them when she had been one herself! But then again, she couldn't afford to be picky about these things. Anything was better than living with the people who tortured her.

"Do  _ not  _ look at me like that." He warned her with a small glare that was more comforting than Robin wanted him to know. "The two girls I'm assigning you to aren't as noisy and dimwitted as the other children in their year. They could be more if they had someone to keep them on the right path."

"So you want me to be their… what exactly?"

"Foremost I want you to live with people who will not torture you. But in a second step, yes, I would like you to keep an eye on them. They both are muggle borns… There is no need for me to tell you how that affects their life in this house. And seeing as you already take up most of  _ my  _ time and energy, you might as well keep an eye on them for me." The last sentence was definitely more sass than serious, and Robin found herself smiling again at the small moment of much needed humor. If he wanted her to do him this favor, she would without hesitation. It was a serious responsibility, sure, but also a piece of proof that he trusted her to act appropriately in his place. Robin's heart skipped a beat, and she gave it a mental slap to shut it up already. Not the time for unwanted feelings.

"I will do my best, as long as they let me." Robin said with a smaller smile. "I promise I'll try."

"I expected nothing less of you." Snape replied in a way that somehow brought a new rush of tingles to Robin's skin rather than make it any easier to ignore the previous one. Geez, she really needed to sleep. "Your belongings will be moved to the new room shortly, so you needn't concern yourself with that. I shall speak with the two girls myself to explain the situation and see to it that they don't return to your room until after dinner. You should use that time to rest."

"Oh, I definitely will. Without a curse on me, I might actually be able to sleep soundly for once." Robin sighed and moved to pick up her backpack and wand from the floor. As much as she loved the lab, the prospect of finally getting some rest was way more tempting currently. "I really appreciate that I don't have to go back to my old room. I mean, it might earn me some scorn that I'm going to live with first years, but what's new. I don't think I could've closed my eyes in the same room with the people in my grade ever again, so this is as close to good as it gets."

"I can imagine." Snape mused in return, and watched with badly hidden amusement as Robin tried to come up with a place to store her wand, before she gave up and simply held it in her hand, resting against the inside of her forearm. With another deep breath, Robin stepped towards the door and then turned towards her professor once more. "Which room is it?"

"The very last one to the left." 

"Great, as far away from everyone in my grade as possible." Robin smiled to herself, then at Snape, and finally at the ground. She'd be okay now, it would be over soon. Then they could go back to every-day business. "I literally can't wait to just sit in the classroom in the evenings again and drink coffee with you." …Oh gosh, had she really just said that? Out loud?!

For a moment the humor on his face seemed to tug his lips into a smile, but then the neutral facade of stone jumped back into place and gone was any and every expression at all. "Soon enough you will."

"Well…" Robin turned to face the door with her body, but her eyes stayed on Snape. "I better go now."

"Not so fast. I have one more question that I have been meaning to ask you all night, but now seems the only appropriate time to do so." 

"Oh?" Robin's eyebrows rose in question and her poor stupid heart skipped a beat. That traitor…

"Did someone give you that t-shirt as a gift or do you actually like Queen?"

Robin's jaw dropped and her brows furrowed into a frown, but after a second of silence she finally couldn't help it anymore and just burst out laughing _.  _ Honest, pure laughter. Something that had been unimaginable a mere few hours ago. And yet here she was, laughing, and trying to cover her mouth with her free hand to stop laughing, which however was utterly impossible when she just took one look at his  _ almost  _ entirely serious face. Even Snape couldn't hide the hinted at expressions that clearly suggested humor as his predominant sentiment. Only after a minute, she could finally bite her bottom lip enough to keep the laughter in and come back to a place where she could actually answer that question. But honestly, what kind of a question was that in the first place?! Had he been wondering about this all this time?

"Yes, I actually do like Queen. A lot, even." She answered at last, though unable to stop smirking. "But I made the admittedly idiotic promise a few years ago not to wear the t-shirt in public, so… it's just for wear as pajamas. Which, until today, weren't a topic of public debate." 

"I can assure you they still are not." 

"Good… to know." Robin laughed, and shook her head to herself. "I'm going to get some much needed sleep now. Goodnight, professor."

"Good  _ morning _ , actually. Not everyone can enjoy the luxury of sleeping through the day, Miss Mitchell." He gave her a look, and Robin bit the inside of her lip to not smirk again. "Expect to hear from me about the punishment issue when you wake up."

With a small nod, Robin finally opened the door and let herself out into the ever-gloomy dungeons. Quickly she made for the dorms, in the hopes that everyone was still at breakfast, and then to the very last door to the left in the girls' hallway. The room was absolutely average, just like her previous one, but it looked bigger with only four beds instead of six, and only two of them taken. Robin chose an empty bed on instinct, dropped her backpack and her wand by her nightstand and laid down beneath the covers without a second thought. She was too tired to care about anything but sleep right now, and if Snape was sure that nobody would come at her with those bloody curses again, that was enough to put her mind at ease. Enough to allow her to sleep in peace, without a single dream at all.


	23. The Dark of Night - Part 6

"What do you think how old she is?"

"She looks older than my cousin, but younger than my neighbour… and she's a fourth year, isn't she?"

"That's what he said, at least."

"Well, I was too terrified to actually  _ listen  _ properly!"

"C'mon, he wasn't all that terrifying today…"

"He's  _ always  _ terrifying!"

"Are you talking about Professor Snape?" Robin asked without even opening her eyes, as the sleep slowly cleared from her mind. The conversation, even if it had been respectfully quiet, had been what she'd woken up to, but seeing as she actually felt well rested, it likely wasn't what had actually woken her up. The two voices remained silent upon her question, and thus Robin sighed and opened her eyes at last. Gosh, what time was it even? She felt like she'd been sleeping forever.

With another sigh, a content one for once, she sat up in her bed and blinked a few times until her eyes would focus. Right, a new room… and new roommates. Two young girls were giving her highly doubtful glances from across the room, as they both sat cross-legged on the fourth and only unused bed. Well, now was the time to be nice for once. Robin had promised it after all, and she would try her best no matter what.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt or listen in on you two." She started with a small smile while she got up from her bed, in the hopes that it would make the situation a little less awkward. "I'm Robin Mitchell. And since the only thing I accidentally overheard from your conversation was the question about my age… I'm fifteen. And indeed in my fourth year here."

"Told you she's older than my cousin." The girl with long blonde curls said to her pal, quietly, and Robin smiled in return. Then the girl turned towards her. "Sorry, uh… hi. I'm Cassandra Miller."

"I'm Jorien Blakeley." The second girl added with a small wave. She was the exact opposite of her friend, with short brown hair and surprisingly bright blue eyes. The two of them really made an odd pair.

"It's lovely meeting you." Robin replied with a sigh and the very same smile. "I sincerely hope that you aren't all too mad at me for moving into your room."

"Professor Snape said he made you move in with us. He was very direct about his demand that we don't question you. So… What did you do to upset him? Why did he punish you? I mean… isn't it really degrading to live with lower years?" Cassandra asked and leaned her head to the side curiously. Robin could work with that curiosity, very well even.

"Professor Snape didn't punish me, he did me a favor. I am very grateful to be here." She replied and sat down on the ground in front of the bed the two girls were seated on. 

"But…  _ why _ ?! Professor Snape, doing you a favor? Are we talking about the same person?!" Cassandra inquired further, with a deep frown, and Robin already got a good feeling for why Snape had sent her to live with these girls. 

"Professor Snape isn't half as bad as people believe." Robin mused with a smile directed at the ground, before looking back up at the girls. "He sent me here because he believes that we would get along, and I hope that he's right."

"Nobody in Slytherin gets along with us." Jorien finally spoke up as well. "And we don't like them either."

"That sounds very familiar." Robin chuckled and shook her head to herself. Yup, she definitely knew why Snape wanted her to keep an eye on them. "I don't like the people in my grade either. They're dimwitted dunderheads who usually don't know what they're doing."

"Really? But they seem so… knowledgeable and important. Like they do know what they're doing." Cassandra shrugged. "Just like you do."

"I seem important?" Robin laughed and frowned at the girl in good humor. Maybe this was her chance to get on their good side. "Well, I'm not. I'm just another roommate, a girl like everyone else. No, actually… I'm more useful as a roommate than most people. I know a few things that make life around here easier, as well as some pretty neat magic."

"Really?! You… would show us some of the things you do in your year?" Now both girls actually looked positively delighted. "What's your favorite subject?"

"Potions." Robin was quick to reply. "But I do like herbology and charms and defense against the dark arts as well."

"I feel like we're gonna get along great." Cassandra smiled brightly. "I promise we're not gonna annoy you! Right, Jorien?"

"Yeah, sure…" The quiet girl shrugged, but with a smile. "I've always liked older people better anyway."

At that, Robin felt pleased. She'd always liked older people better too. Ironic, if one considered that she was here to protect two younger girls now. "I won't bother you either, no worries. But seeing as I remember how difficult my own first year here was, as a muggle born among people who've known magic all their lives, I… would like to offer my help, if you ever should need it. "

"YOU are muggle born?!" Cassandra's jaw literally dropped, and Jorien's surprise was a little more subtle.

"Yes. And I know how difficult that can be, so if you need an ally, I'm right here."

Both girls smiled at that, and Robin smiled too. There had been a fifty fifty chance that they'd just frown at her in distaste upon her offer, and she was honestly glad that her directness had paid off. Maybe they would actually come to see something like a prefect in her. Or a tutor, in a way.

"Oh god, we forgot to tell her the thing!" Cassandra suddenly blurted out with wide eyes directed at her friend. "Professor Snape will kill us!"

"Snape only  _ looks  _ like he will kill you, but I can assure you that he will not. Remind me to give you a few survival tips for potions class at some point." Robin smirked. "And are you supposed to tell  _ ME  _ the thing?"

"Yeah… I cannot believe I forgot that!" Cassandra rolled her eyes and dropped her head into her neck. "Professor Snape wants you to go to the headmaster's office."

"Oh?" Robin's eyebrows rose in surprise. "Did he give a specific time for me to be there? What… time is it even?"

"It's half past nine in the evening. Still Sunday. In case you weren't sure." Jorien immediately replied, and Robin found herself impressed with the thoughtfulness of that reply. 

"He only said you should go to the headmaster's office as soon as you were awake." Cassandra shrugged. "So… I guess if you don't tell them that you've been awake for a while, we won't get into trouble."

"I won't tell on you, don't worry." Robin sighed and rose back onto her feet. "But I better get cleaned up now. I wouldn't want Dumbledore to see me in my pajamas as well." The suspicious silence that followed upon Robin's statement spoke for itself, and while she moved to collect everything she needed for a shower and getting dressed from her trunk which had been moved here some time while she had been asleep, she added, "Just ask when you have a question. I don't bite."

"When you say 'as well'... Do you mean someone other than us?" It was Jorien who asked, to Robin's surprise, but not at all to her dismay.

"I mean that too many people have seen me in my pajamas in the last twenty four hours." Robin replied with a laugh. "Hagrid, for example." Somehow, she didn't need them to know that she had spent most of the night in Snape's laboratory. That piece of information was better left between her and him alone. But she also wouldn't lie if they asked about it, she never lied.

"I think your pajamas are cool." Cassandra replied easily.

"Very smooth, Cas…" Jorien whispered to her friend next to her on the bed, while Robin finally walked towards the door with a change of clothes under her arm. With another quick smile at the two girls, she made for the showers at last.

… … … 

"Do come in!" Dumbledore called from inside his office, in reply to Robin's knocking, and she did so without hesitation. "Miss Mitchell, it is good to see you."

"Good evening, headmaster." Robin greeted politely as she stepped up to his desk. She'd decided to wear black jeans with a white blouse and a grey jumper for the occasion, as a change to the pajamas. "I was told that Professor Snape wished for me to find you."

"Indeed, he and I both deemed it best that I speak with you first before any decisions are made." 

"Speak with me about what exactly, sir?"

"About consequences. I was told in sufficient detail about the occurrences of last night when Professor Snape came to consult me in the matter of an appropriate punishment. In fact, he suggested that you should decide about the fate of your tormentors yourself." Dumbledore said easily, with a mild expression and an inquiring look.

Robin's eyes widened at that, and her heart skipped a beat. "He did  _ what _ ?! I mean… why?"

"Professor Snape believes that it would be best for everyone to leave the decision up to you."

"And you don't?" Robin inquired with a curious half smile. "Is that why I'm here?"

Dumbledore's own smile widened and he nodded once before he replied. "I do not doubt Severus' decision to trust you, Miss Mitchell. However I am curious to know how he was led to leave the choice of punishment up to you, and that is why I wished to speak with you first."

"So you really wish for me to decide over the fate of… how many people exactly?"

"Seventeen." He replied calmly, but the number felt like a punch to the stomach to Robin. Considering there were only 23 people in her year in Slytherin, 17 was a lot.

"I don't know, sir…" She frowned to herself first, then at Dumbledore. "Do I really have to do this?"

"Severus told me that you do not harbor any desire for revenge, which is quite astonishing in my eyes."

"Because a Slytherin is always supposed to seek revenge?" Robin asked almost a little bitterly, but not enough to make her sentiment clearer than it already was.

"Because going by the accounts of what was done to you, it only seems reasonable to feel a desire for revenge indeed."

"Well, I don't." Robin shrugged. "I feel a desire for this to be over, and for it to never repeat itself."

"And you wouldn't deem revenge an appropriate way to achieve that?" He inquired with a humored subtone to his voice, and folded his hands on his desk.

"Revenge isn't an appropriate way to achieve anything but momentary satisfaction. There's no gain in it, only suffering on either end." Robin replied without even thinking much about it. She's had that conversation too often already. "Professor Snape knows that, he  _ taught  _ me that even. I really don't know why he wants me to pick the punishment."

"And yet the choice is entirely yours." Dumbledore smiled that signature small smile of his. "He put their fate in your hands, and so do I."

Robin took a deep, conscious breath, and thought for a moment. Her heart jumped at the thought that Snape really wanted her to decide, that he deemed her choice better than his own. She didn't want to disappoint him… but she also didn't want to disappoint herself. 

"There is nothing that would excuse or make up for what they did. Nothing at all." She finally spoke up again, and Dumbledore listened intently to what she had to say. "And quite frankly, I don't believe that any punishment will make them doubt their own actions. So I… have to think of myself."

"And what do you mean by that?" Now the headmaster looked sincerely curious, not in the superior 'I know what you're going to say anyway' kind of way, but like he truly didn't understand what Robin was going for. She liked that.

"If their fate is mine to choose, I will make a selfish choice." She went on, and Dumbledore frowned. "I want to forgive them."

The old man's eyebrows rose in surprise and he kept looking at Robin for a painfully long moment, before he turned towards one of the moving paintings and ordered the man in it to find Snape and tell him to come to the headmaster's office in an instant. Robin's heart squeezed painfully… had she done something wrong? Wasn't this an option she could choose? Somehow the silence in the office felt too thick for Robin to breathe.

"Now, what leads you to say that forgiveness is a selfish choice?" Dumbledore finally asked, and Robin's attention returned from the decorum of the office back to the man behind the desk.

"Because they won't take it seriously anyway… My forgiveness is nothing to them. Honestly, they'll probably laugh at me for being such a pansy. I thought about it in the shower, which, uh, you probably didn't need to know, but anyway, I came to the conclusion that I need to forgive them if I want to move on and leave all of this behind me. So really, I'm just-" Robin was cut off by a knock on the door, and the entrance of Professor Snape.

"Ah, Severus, you were quick." Dumbledore mused with a pleased smile.

"I happened to be nearby." Snape replied, but his eyes stayed on Robin as he came to stand next to her in front of the headmaster's desk.

"Miss Mitchell just wanted to explain why she would like to forgive her tormentors rather than punish them." The pleased smile on Dumbledore's face widened while Snape on the other hand looked mildly surprised and even less content with what he was hearing, but Dumbledore ignored him entirely. "Do go on with your reasons, by all means."

"Uh…" Robin suddenly felt insecure about her choice, seeing as Snape's reaction was rather mixed. But she was doing this for herself for once. "I have to forgive them if I want to move on with my life without dragging the weight of this on my shoulders. And I have to do it now, or I might never. Grudges grow, and they're harmful more than helpful. I want to be better than them."

"You  _ are _ better than them by any means, you don't have to prove that!" Snape replied in a low hiss that really sounded all but pleased. "They don't deserve your forgiveness, not even half of it."

"But I do." The words came from somewhere beyond Robin even as she spoke them, but she felt they were true. "You are absolutely right, they don't deserve my forgiveness. But I deserve to forgive, I  _ need  _ to forgive. Because if I don't, I will become exactly that thing I'm so afraid of becoming. You know it's true… you saw it."

Another moment of silence. Snape looked at Robin in the most enigmatic way possible, Robin held his gaze in determination that she was doing the right thing, and Dumbledore watched the scene in front of his desk with great interest.

"It is your choice. I do not have to approve of it, even if it is terribly righteous. Naive. Idealistic." Snape finally spoke up, back in perfect neutrality, and Robin let out a breath in relief. At least he wasn't completely upset with her.

"But isn't that exactly why you left the choice to her in the first place, Severus, because you knew that she would make a wiser choice than you and me?" Dumbledore asked in what almost sounded like humor, upon which Snape scowled and rolled his eyes in return. So that was a yes. The headmaster turned to Robin. "Forgiving is perhaps one of the greatest acts of courage, and no matter what your peers might say about it, you should keep in mind that it renders you stronger than any form of punishment could have."

"It's only self-preservation." Robin shrugged in return. "I'm not that noble, I just don't want to be angry and afraid for the rest of my time in Hogwarts. As I said, it's a selfish choice."

"And yet it's a wise choice not everyone is strong enough to make." Dumbledore replied with a cryptic expression, and Robin wondered for a brief moment what she was missing here. But he continued before she could ponder over it any more. "However I do agree with Severus in one aspect, namely that it would be naive to think that they wouldn't attempt a similar thing with a different person at a different time."

"Unfortunately there is little to no chance that those horrid creatures will learn from their mistake, seeing as they are not even aware of what exactly they did." Snape added, with a pointed expression at Dumbledore instead of Robin for once.

"Miss Mitchell came to that conclusion as well, before you arrived here, and both of you are absolutely right. This is not an issue solved with a few weeks worth of detention, nor with a letter to the parents. I hardly believe that any of the pureblood families would find the torture of a muggle born as condemnable as we do."

"May I make a suggestion?" Robin asked before she thought, but then again, she had thought about it quite extensively before arriving here. 

"You have an idea, Miss Mitchell?" Dumbledore wondered, and Snape also turned back towards her.

"Just because I didn't choose to punish them doesn't mean I didn't think about an effective way to do so." She shrugged in return, feeling a little weird with both men's fullest attention on her. "I mean… I had a thought. It's probably inappropriate, and it's not what you would consider a traditional punishment."

"Do go on." Snape was the first to reply, as he looked down at Robin with curiosity and the faintest amusement, while Dumbledore for once looked mildly irritated. Honestly, had they expected Robin not to think about what she  _ could  _ do to those people?! She wasn't a saint, for hell's sake!

"Well, I was doing this experiment in my mind on my way here, and I asked myself what could possibly even have a chance to suffice to make them understand what they did. And it was fairly obvious from there." She shrugged.

"Elaborate."

"Yes, I would appreciate that as well."

"Well, just like you said, they don't know what they truly did. They think it was a funny prank that scared a classmate." Robin went on in her most factual voice. "And as we've discovered last night, it is nigh impossible to really understand what happened without experiencing it. So I thought the only thing that could make them understand what they have done, which in return is the only way for them to possibly realize that it was wrong, would be to let them have the same experience. Now, I do of course realise that I cannot and do not even want to curse those people as they have cursed me. But there is always the shortcut to having people feel and see what someone else has been through."

"Do you realize what you are suggesting there?" Dumbledore asked with a frown in return.

"Of course I do. But seeing as Professor Morgan was able to try demonstrating legilimency on me a few years ago, I reasoned that it would not be a forbidden procedure to do on students." Robin answered almost easily. "I thought about it. They don't have to see all of my memories of last night, but the basics should suffice. Really, feeling the terrors and the pain they caused themselves is hardly even punishment. Just like touching a hot stove… it doesn't hurt at first, but still the pain always comes with utmost certainty. Like casting a spell against a mirror."

"And you have had this idea all this time while we have been talking, and still chose to forgive them instead?" Dumbledore asked again, in as much astonishment as his ever-calm features would show.

"Yeah. As I said, I have no desire for revenge. This idea wasn't as much an idea as merely me being curious about what it would take to maybe make them understand." Robin shrugged again, and offered the headmaster a half smile. "I still stick with my choice to forgive. But I also have no intention to let them stab me in the back twice. You were looking for a possibility to prevent them from doing this again, and I merely made a suggestion. If you deem it inappropriate, that's perfectly fine."

"Actually I do deem it very appropriate, even if for the mere sake of your reasoning. We indeed cannot and will never torture a student in this school, but it is our responsibility to act as a mirror for their own choices and actions." Dumbledore said seriously and leaned forward onto his desk while keeping his eyes on Robin. "But are you certain you want them to know of your emotions and memories, Miss Mitchell? Surely the events must have been quite terrible, if not traumatic."

"Well, they only have power over me if they keep me from speaking up, right?" Robin replied with a quick glimpse at the potions professor next to her, barely catching sight of a very subtle not-smirk. He definitely liked her idea, she could tell by the mere fact that he didn't call it idiotic. That was as much approval as she would get with a third party present.

"Placing images and emotions in someone else's mind is a difficult task that takes a long time to master even for doing so with one person at a time. It doesn't suffice to take a mere look, there are higher skills involved." Dumbledore stated with a look at Robin, then at Snape. "With every due respect to Miss Mitchell's skills, I doubt that she would be able to accomplish such a task. By herself, that is."

"If it is your wish that this idea be executed, I will see to its completion." Snape replied dutifully, and Robin wondered for a brief moment if they really intended to listen to her stupid idea. Again.

"Uh, so… my choice to just forgive them is out of the window?" Robin asked before she could help it.

"If it was, I would personally curse every single one of them myself." Snape growled in return, and Robin couldn't help wondering if he was this protective of every student in his house or if it was only her. She hoped for both at once, with different parts of herself, and certainly with different motivations behind it.

"Maybe see this measure as an extension of your choice. They will be forgiven, and therefore given the chance to grow from their mistakes." Dumbledore smiled that small smile at Robin again, and she was starting to believe that it was his version of Snape's scowl and her own neutrality.

"I can do that…" She mused in return. "Thank you, sir."

"So be it." Dumbledore sighed, sat up straight and then leaned back in his chair. "I leave the rest up to you, Severus."

"Very well."

Then they said their goodnights to the headmaster, and Robin followed Snape out of the office and down the stairs in silence for a while, until she just couldn't keep the comment to herself anymore.

"Professor Dumbledore is way too good at twisting realities." She stated, unsure if Snape even heard her despite walking through the empty hallways directly next to her now. "That man could sell you anything and still convince you that it was your own idea."

"Very true." He replied though, and Robin smiled to herself. 

"I hope I didn't disappoint you by choosing forgiveness over revenge." She said after a while.

"You only would have disappointed me if you had chosen like I would have. Now, as… reluctant as I am to admit it, I believe you are correct about sparing yourself pain by forgiving. You made the right choice, Miss Mitchell. Don't let me or anyone else tell you differently." 

"Thank you for giving me the choice in the first place."

"It was the reasonable thing to do." 

"So… do you think my idea will actually make them reconsider their actions?"

"If it doesn't, there is nothing else that could." He sighed, and suddenly stopped walking right in the crossing of hallways. "However I was surprised that you suggested it in the first place."

"Why?"

"Because, all things considered, it could very well have been my own idea."

Robin couldn't help smiling at his words. "It's a compliment that you deem the idea that good, but an insult that you're so surprised about it."

"I am not surprised that you had a good idea!" He rolled his eyes exaggeratedly, and Robin had to smile even more. "I am surprised that you would share your memories and emotions so willingly."

"I won't. You will." She shrugged. "I don't know a thing about legilimency, unfortunately, and definitely not enough to cast a spell over seventeen people at once."

"Indeed. However it is all the more surprising that you seem to have no issue with me deciding what your classmates shall see."

"It's not surprising at all. I trust you, and I trust you to know what they need to see and what not. For all I care, they can know everything that happened up to the point where Hagrid dragged me away from the lake."

"Even-"

"Yes." Robin nodded before he could even say it out loud. "Even that. They must know, and they must feel it. But I'd rather not have anyone but you and me know that I attacked you with a saucepan."

"Likewise." He replied with a not-smirk he didn't even try to hide. "Though we should discuss the appropriateness of your choice of weaponry at some point."

"I literally didn't have any other choice!" Robin protested with a laugh. "I was terrified, and there was nothing else I could protect myself with."

"It is good to see that you chose to protect yourself at all. Doubting reality is a wise thing to do. The world is full of deceit."

"I know." Robin's lips tugged into a small smile, as she wondered whether Snape knew that she was aware in return that his scowls and indifference were mostly facades. He probably knew… their  _ discussion _ in the beginning of the school year had been a good enough indicator. 

"I will summon all seventeen individuals to the potions classroom after dinner tomorrow, then we shall see how well they take the consequences of their own actions."

"Would you like me to be there or stay absent?"

"That is your own choice. But I would prefer to have you there." 

"Okay." Robin replied quietly, smiling, in the hope that her tone didn't betray her. She really needed to find a way to suppress the desperate leaping of her heart, the tingles all over her skin, the idiotic grin on her face. Or simply get better at hiding it, if this would become a normal occurrence now. Somehow, she had a strong idea that it would.


	24. The Dark of Night - Part 7

It was an odd feeling, to ready herself to face the people who had tortured her, even though she had been sitting in class with them all day. Robin felt slightly nauseous as she stood in Snape's office on Monday night, giving herself a mental push to go out into the classroom already. She'd even suggested herself that she would talk to them instead of letting Snape do the explaining… what had she been thinking?! But they had agreed last night that Robin would come to his office after dinner and then talk to her peers first, before Snape would be 'giving them the chance to reconsider their actions', as Dumbledore had so nicely put it. So that's what she had to follow through with now.

"You do realize that you do not have to do this, yes?" Snape asked with a risen eyebrow, arms crossed over his chest as he looked down at Robin doubtfully.

"I do have to. I'd regret it if I didn't, so let's just get this over with. I'm hoping for coffee and reading once the classroom is void of idiots again." She sighed, and opened the door at last to walk into the classroom with quite possibly the best neutral expression she'd ever been able to plaster onto her face. Snape followed behind her with the same scowl as always.

"Alright, if we're only here to apologise to jay, I might just as well go now." David groaned exaggeratedly and got up from his desk just as Robin reached the teacher's desk.

" _ Sit _ .  _ Down _ ." She ordered with a cutting tone and a glare that could have burnt a hole into the wall. David complied immediately, instinctively rather than consciously, which left him looking fairly irritated with himself. But he stayed sitting, and stayed quiet. The other students looked equally confused by the fact that they obviously felt intimidated by Robin, but she only thrived in their irritation as she spoke to address all seventeen people in the room. "You people are bumbling idiots, but not even you could be stupid enough not to know why you're here. What you really don't know is that it was left up to me to decide over your punishment."

Groans and sighs were heard from various people, whispering even, and Robin found herself able to shut them all up with one single glare. She felt mayorly proud of herself for that, but didn't let it slip past her facade as she continued. "My choice might surprise you and probably even make you laugh, but I do not expect you to understand it." She took a deep breath before she finally came to the point. "I forgive you. All of you. For what you wanted to do, and even for what you did. There will be no other punishment than that."

"...  _ seriously?!" _ David frowned immediately, and most of the others also broke into doubtful whispers or simply snorted at her words.

"Seriously." Robin said sharply and luckily she got their attention even without having to fight for it. "Seeing as you have missed most of the results of your efforts however, we shall compensate for that unfortunate loss now. You'll get to experience first hand just how much your little prank scared me, and believe me, after that, my forgiveness will be punishment enough."

Without another word, Robin moved away from the front of the class and made room for what was to follow. Her part was done, over, finished. She really had forgiven them, on the outside at least, and the inside was slowly catching up as well. 

"You should sit down." Snape said as he came to stand next to her, motioning to his desk behind them. "It will be entertaining to observe. In purely educational terms, of course."

Robin didn't need to be told twice and sat down on the edge of the table with a nod and a small smirk. One really had a great view over the entire class from here, and she still stood with her statement from a year prior about switching desks. Maybe she should sit in the chair  _ at _ the desk instead of  _ on  _ the desk though… but Snape wasn't complaining and so she simply chose to observe the scene from up here.

He didn't waste a single word on them, only waited until all eyes were on him before casting the spell. Upon that, seventeen people at once flinched, yelped or cried out in pain. Alright, Robin hadn't been out for revenge, but her lips did turn upwards upon the sight. Maybe that was cruel… but she found the simultaneity of it highly amusing.

For multiple minutes, Robin observed the tormented faces in front of her with serene amusement. She could tell almost exactly at which point in her memory they currently were, and seeing their reactions in comparison to her own was actually quite fascinating. Almost all of them were in tears after a while, some people even straight out sobbing. It was great and scary at once, to see how her own emotions of the past were currently affecting other people. And yet, to Robin, the most fascinating thing wasn't watching the students suffer through the lowest moment in her life, but watching Snape make them do so. It was alluring and intimidating at once to know that he could compel such immense emotional reactions from so many people at once, and Robin found that her heart and mind agreed on the appropriateness to shamelessly stare for once. It was both impressive magic, and weirdly attractive after all.

A few minutes later however the sobs and yelps subsided, and the room fell silent once more as the display of Robin's memories came to an end. Finally she took interest in her classmates' expressions again, only to find that half of them were carefully avoiding her eye while the other half stared at her with teary eyes in return. Well, at least this entire ordeal had done  _ something  _ with them… but only time would tell what exactly that something was.

"While Miss Mitchell, Professor Dumbledore and myself agreed to not give you any further punishment, I still will take fifteen house points from Slytherin for the incident. Each." Snape said after a moment, but nobody dared to complain anymore. Some people even gave small nods in return. "You are dismissed." As nobody made a move to get up, he added in a pointed hiss, " _ Get. Out _ ."

Finally the very much shaken students jumped into action and shuffled towards the door without another word. Some glanced back at Robin, and she made an effort to return each and every glance absolutely neutrally. The sympathy she felt for their teary faces was minimal, and evenly weighted with the remaining hatred she felt for them in general. Maybe this was forgiveness after all, coming out of it more or less neutrally.

"Are you serious about taking 255 house points from Slytherin?" Robin finally asked, once the last person had left the room and even closed the door behind them. They really must be quite out of it after all.

"Reluctantly." He drawled and turned around to Robin at last, giving her a small glare immediately as their eyes met. "Get off my desk  _ right now _ or I will take another fifteen points off."

Robin smirked to herself but obeyed and took a respectful step away from the piece of furniture. "I sincerely doubt that we even have that many points in the first place."

"Maybe you should make an effort to earn some then instead of losing them by sassing me." Snape raised his eyebrows at her in a manner that didn't do more than make Robin smirk even wider, while he now moved back towards his office.

"Well, you could give me house points for not killing myself after what they did, how about that?" She suggested with a mirroring expression as she followed behind him in a saunter.

"And here I was, thinking that  _ my _ humor was inappropriately morbid." Snape replied in a subtle sigh and handed Robin her backpack with a roll of his eyes. "I could give you five points for shutting them up with a single glare, that was fairly…  _ entertaining _ ." Then he grabbed a stack of papers and students' notebooks from his desk, and they made their way back into the classroom. "Coffee?"

"Please." Robin smirked, and sat down at her own desk in the classroom while unpacking the homework due this week. It was good to be back to how things used to be. Well, almost used to be. Because before all of this, he had never been the first to make her coffee.

______________

In the remaining time before Christmas, things went back to normal indeed. Robin started to get more into a mentor role with her new roommates and helped them out with spells, tricks and general advice like she had promised to. In the evenings she went to the potions classroom to work and drink coffee with Snape, and soon she had more than made up for the week of not doing her homework and reading her borrowed books. Snape had actually been right in the beginning of the year, she  _ was  _ running out of books she hadn't read yet, and somehow she was both looking forward to and dreading that moment at the same time. But for now, Robin was happy in her bubble of studying and learning. 

"Will you be staying here over the break again?" Snape asked with an inquiring expression that almost bordered on curiosity, and thereby pulled Robin out of her own mind. It was the evening before the Christmas break would begin, and while there hadn't really been any work for Robin to do, she still had come to the classroom for some reading and coffee time. And as it seemed, the potions professor didn't have too much work on his hands either.

"Yeah, I'll be here as always." Robin answered with a sigh and crossed her arms on her desk to lean on them and over her still opened book. "I will probably spend another year helping out in the greenhouse and the castle gardens… I still owe Hagrid after all. But if you have anything for me to do, I'll gladly postpone everything else."

"I will keep that in mind." He replied neutrally but with an obvious not-smirk, and leaned back in his chair with his coffee mug in his hands. "The castle should be significantly more crowded this year, unfortunately."

"Why's that?" Robin frowned and took a sip of her own coffee. It was the third already… and it was way after midnight. But she just couldn't bring herself to leave tonight.

"Your selective hearing is truly unsurpassed." Snape rolled his eyes, exaggeratedly of course, but chose to answer her question nonetheless. "The majority of students will choose to stay here this year to attend the new year's ball. Obviously."

Robin froze in her movement, and her frown deepened. She had heard people talking about a ball, about dresses and dates and dancing, but to be honest she had ignored it like all the talk about the quidditch parties before that. "There really is a new year's ball? Like… an official school event?"

"It was announced at the end of last term, and again at the beginning of this term. The headmaster addressed it in his speech."

"Well, I… usually read during those speeches." Robin admitted with a shrug while a subtle blush crept up her neck and onto her cheeks. "But that explains why everyone is talking about dresses and dates these days."

"It is remarkable how you notice so much and yet so little." Snape sighed in pretended resignation. "Would you like a summary?"

"Please."

"There used to be a Christmas or  _ Yule  _ ball when the Triwizard Tournament took place, but the entire thing was banned by the ministry years ago. There have been voices ever since to bring the tournament back, at least in parts, and they have been getting louder in recent years. A new year's ball is supposed to appease them and suffocate some of the harsher demands for the entire tournament to be brought back."

"So it's a political thing?"

"You could say that."

"This surely isn't what Dumbledore said in his speech, is it?"

"It is what I say now."

"Then it is closer to the truth than what Dumbledore said." Robin smirked, and earned herself a small but harmless glare.

"The only absolute truth I can give you is that it will be a traditional dance." He stated in an entirely unimpressed manner that was more a statement about his thoughts on the issue than anything else.

"I kinda got that when you said 'ball'..." Robin huffed with a small smile. "But since it doesn't seem to be mandatory, I think I won't be attending."

"Why, pray tell, would you choose not to?"

"I just don't think it would be a good idea." She shrugged and observed how Snape frowned at her in consideration. "I would only spoil other people's fun by being there."

"I think you should attend." He finally said, and now it was for Robin to frown indeed. "This ball is an important event for the students, and it would be a pity if you missed out on it."

"So you wish for me to attend? Or do you demand it?" Robin asked with a quiet sigh and a half smile, caught between the dread for the event and the excitement that he wanted her to be there. For whatever reason, really.

"I would appreciate it if you did." He replied pointedly, and Robin nodded in return.

"Alright… I'll consider it." 

"Good."

"Will you be attending?"

"Professor Dumbledore wishes for all professors to attend. As chaperones and for their own…  _ enjoyment _ ." Snape still didn't look all too interested in the event, but neither did he seem to be dreading it. Maybe Robin should seriously consider going to that ball… if he wished for her to go, her desperately stupid heart would leave her little other choice. Who knew… she might end up enjoying it more than she thought now.

"Speaking of enjoyment, would you like another coffee?" She asked in an attempt to change the topic, and decided to enjoy the now before she thought about the tomorrow.

"Do I even need to answer that?"

… … … 

Just as planned, Robin spent her days helping out where she was needed, going from the greenhouse to the gardens and even to the forest with Hagrid. Her evenings remained the same as during term, but she actually got to write another set of labels for Snape on two nights between Christmas and new year's eve. They'd moved their coffee time to the laboratory for the instance, and while Robin was writing about five hundred labels for three different kinds of potions, Snape worked on making the substances and occasionally explained to Robin what exactly he was doing differently than the textbook suggested. It was amazing.

Only during the very last day of the year did Robin actually think about the ball again. She had already decided to attend the very night Snape had asked her to, seeing as the unruly emotional part of her mind didn't leave her a choice in the matter. But she hadn't wasted any more thought on it after that, and thus she found herself stuck with a bunch of questions and decisions a mere few hours before she would be expected to join the party in the great hall. 

Both of her young roommates had gone home for the holidays, which was reasonable, considering that the years one to three weren't expected to go to the ball anyway. That left Robin alone in her room yet again, and also alone with the dreaded decision of what to wear. People were talking ball gowns, tuxedos and festive robes, but seeing as Robin hadn't had the time nor the mind to acquire either, she was left with her usual every-day wear. Before long, she decided to put on her usual black jeans and a black blouse, which however left her feeling just a bit too underdressed, and a bit too much like a waiter. Thus she spontaneously added a 'casual' white blazer she'd snatched from her mom, using every spell she could think of to make it look somewhat fitting to her slimmer form. Well… it wasn't pretty, but it was more festive than her usual school uniform and thus it would have to be good enough. She wasn't trying to impress after all, only to blend in.

And blending in she did, once she made her way into the intricately decorated hall, however more with the boys in their tuxedos and robes than with the girls in their colorful dresses. Well… she couldn't care less. Most tables were already taken by small groups of people, the remaining seats reserved for their friends, and thus Robin made her way to the very last empty table in the furthest corner of the room. At least she had her peace and quiet here, far away from the area reserved for dancing, and far away from anyone she knew. The festivities began, people celebrated the last night of the year, music flowed through the room… and Robin stayed sitting at her table, alone, observing the other students as they laughed and danced. 

Honestly, it didn't surprise her at all that nobody made an effort to talk to her, for she made no effort to be anywhere near approachable in return. Observing the others was good enough to keep her from being bored, but she could've had that much in her room, or in the potions classroom, and the only truly amusing thing was watching the professors' despair about the students' inability to ballroom dance properly.

After a good two hours of more overall chatting than dancing, the music changed from entirely classical to more universally danceable, and the change was soon followed by students starting to take the dancefloor. Robin however still stayed in her corner, content with observing rather than participating, for there were too many people in the room for her to be comfortable anyway. She hated big events like this, where people constantly moved around in unorganized groups, and it honestly made her almost as anxious as the common room. Hopefully it would be midnight soon, so that she could leave in the knowledge that she had stayed for an appropriate length of time.

"May I?" Snape's deep voice made Robin jump as badly as it could, and her heart almost jumped out of her chest in return. Nobody had spoken to her in over seven hours, since she'd left the greenhouse, and she honestly hadn't been prepared for it now. Her head whipped around to see him standing to her right, and he motioned to the space next to her on the bench.

"Of course!" She managed to say, while her heartbeat slowly returned to the normal pace it had around him. Still too fast. 

"You have been sitting here alone all evening." He remarked as he sat down at an appropriate distance, overlooking the room ahead just like Robin did. "I had not deemed it possible for anyone to be more miserable at this event than I am myself… then however I saw you."

Robin let out a humored huff in return. "Yeah, well, I can't say I'm having a ball."

"Funny." He replied in the most unimpressed tone, and Robin actually had to snort and then smile for real. As she glanced over to Snape next to her, there was absolutely no denying that he was at least somewhat humored as well. Her smile broadened.

"To be honest, I've been waiting for it to be an acceptable time to leave." She sighed and turned back towards the crowds on the other side of the room. "I'm feeling out of place."

"You certainly  _ look _ out of place." His tone was unusually quiet, and followed by a small pause before he continued. "I would like to apologise."

"Apologise?" Robin turned to look at him with a surprised frown. "Whatever for?"

"Asking you to attend this event. I was under the impression that a night like this would be preferable to the last two new year's eves."

"Preferable for whom?" 

"You, obviously."

"I was quite content in the last two years, actually." Robin shrugged with a small smile. "I'd even go as far as to say I was truly happy."

"I really am sorry for asking you to come here tonight." He said instead of giving a direct response to what Robin had said, but she could tell he hadn't ignored it either.

"I'm not." She replied with another smile, one that hopefully was somewhat encouraging. "I mean yeah, I'm quite miserable, but you don't seem to be enjoying yourself either. With me attending this stupid event, you at least don't have to be miserable on your own."

"What if I would  _ prefer _ to be miserable on my own?" Snape asked in a way that made it absolutely clear to Robin that he was merely trying to mess with her, and she had to smirk at his badly feigned scowl in return. He was insufferable, but actually pretty funny once one understood his humor, and the fact that he was replying with humor to her almost affectionate statement in the first place made her heart soar more than she could've guessed.

"Well, if you don't appreciate my company, you could always get up and leave." She stated with an innocent smile, and a tiny bit of fear that he might actually do just that. 

"I could indeed." He replied, but stayed sitting right where he was, in calm observation of the hall ahead. 

Robin couldn't keep the smile off her face as she followed his example and let her eyes travel over the dancing crowd as well. Sometimes one simply had to listen to what Snape didn't say in order to understand what he was trying to say. Why she enjoyed it so much though, that he wasn't ever making anything easy, she didn't know. But she didn't mind at all.

For the next hour they remained sitting next to each other on the bench in the corner of the hall, silently observing the ball rather than participating in it, and nobody paid them any more attention than an occasional passing glance. Robin could have laughed at how much more at ease she felt with him right next to her, and she had the vague idea that Snape knew that at least, if he did not even feel the same. He literally had no reason to sit with her other than either for her comfort or his own, and she appreciated that beyond measure.

"It will be midnight in thirty minutes." He finally spoke up after all this time without a word. "Which means there likely will be a significant rise in clamour very soon."

"Oh please no…" Robin groaned in return and briefly wondered if she should just retreat to her room already. But… would anyone at all be wishing the man next to her a happy new year if she was gone? The likeliness that 'no' was the answer to that question was heartbreaking enough, and Robin decided that she didn't want to find out. With a determined expression she rose to her feet. "Let's go then."

"What, pray tell, do you think you are doing?" He inquired while yet he got up as well and followed her through the room towards the doors without having gotten an answer, and Robin couldn't help the internal victory dance that followed upon his compliance.

"Getting away from the idiots before they go mad entirely. I thought you might appreciate that as well." She replied easily as they left the great hall behind and crossed through the wide hallway, heading towards the courtyard. As soon as they stepped out of the castle and into the arcades, Robin reduced her pace significantly and took a deep breath of fresh air. It was terribly cold without a jacket, but it was quiet and peaceful and that made it just perfect nonetheless. In more of a saunter, she continued walking to her preferred arch, then turned to look at Snape next to her. She hadn't exactly expected him to come with her so easily, but she also wasn't surprised. With a neutral if not yet again enigmatic expression, he walked past Robin to stand in his own arch a few steps to her right, and then turned to look out into the darkness beyond the castle. 

"I would choose this over a ball and a crowd any time." Robin smiled to herself as she observed him for a short moment, then peered out into the night through her own arch as well. "I'd like to think that this is my very own new year's tradition. Being out here with the night and the silence… and you."

"I agree." He mused in return, and Robin closed her eyes with a silent sigh to simply let herself enjoy the moment. "While I generally do not care for traditions, I have to admit that I am rather fond of this particular one."

"You are more than welcome to share it." Robin smiled, and opened her eyes once more. It hadn't snowed this year, but the wind was biting nonetheless and she observed how it swayed the trees in the distance. "It's odd how far one can see from here, even in the dark. I believe I have only ever looked towards the courtyard before, never out in this direction at night."

"The view from the wooden bridge is even better. If one isn't too distracted by the height, the sight you have in the dark is quite worth it."

"Well… if the tradition only entails you and me and the night, maybe… we could go there next new year's." Robin suggested before she could come up with a good enough reason not to. 

"Maybe we should indeed." 

When silence took over, it carried along the calm comfort Robin had been hoping to find out here. The cold covered her skin in goosebumps, and the wind blew loose strands of hair into her face, but Robin was unshakably happy right where she was. She was in one of her favorite places in the school, at her favorite time of day, with her favorite person. 

The noise from Hogsmeade reached them almost at the same time as the noise from inside the castle, and Robin took one last deep breath of calm before the silence would pass entirely. It was moments like this when life was beautiful and cruel at once.

"Happy new year." He was first to say it, and Robin moved out of her arch to stand next to him a second later. "If there even is such a thing at Hogwarts."

"Happy new year to you too." She returned with a sincere smile. "And I think besides the boggart, and Morgan, and my classmates, and almost dying, and attacking you with kitchen tools… the last year was actually quite successful."

"Peculiar take on reality, but I do admire your optimism." 

Robin laughed at that and looked down at the ground for a moment before facing him again. "Well, at least I'm certain that whatever the year brings, it will not be boring either way."

"On that we can agree." He replied with a not-smirk, and Robin returned a real one as he added, "Do you plan on returning to the ball?"

"Not if it can be prevented." She scoffed at the mere thought of going back in there now. "If this is supposed to be a happy new year indeed, I won't set another foot into the great hall tonight."

"Does coffee and a conversation about inventing potions sound more appealing to you?"

"Now  _ that  _ would be a way to start the year off right." Robin grinned in return, and couldn't even be bothered to hide her excitement at the prospect. "Lead the way, professor."

"I regret making that suggestion already." He sighed with an exaggerated rolling of his eyes, but looked undoubtedly humored as they made their way back into the castle and towards the dungeons.

"Yeah,  _ sure… _ " Robin snorted in amusement. "Does that mean I'll be making coffee first, then?"

" _ Obviously _ ."


	25. The Dark of Night - Part 8

It was the middle of April when Robin finished the very last of Snape's book collection. The day she returned the very last book to him was both a sad and an exciting one, for Robin wasn't entirely sure what he would give her to do next. To her disappointment, he merely remarked that she had read everything he could give her at the present time, and then continued with his work as if it was nothing special. Maybe it wasn't… but somehow Robin had hoped for a little praise at least, if not a prospect of what to do next. Thus she stuck to doing class assignments and readings for a while (she managed half a week, which was already more than anticipated), until at last she just couldn't handle the lack of private studies anymore.

She had already finished most of the library books about potions, herbology, and magical creatures, which is why she decided to find a new topic to read up on rather than trying to find more books on the topics she already had studied profoundly. Thus she started reading all the books about the dark arts the library had to offer, but more out of interest in the mysteries that hid behind the generic title than out of preference for the correlating class. And really, it was a weirdly broad topic. Everything that wasn't allowed or was dangerous to use fell into this category, but more often than not Robin wondered why exactly something was considered 'forbidden' or at least unappreciated to use. Sure, most of the things described in her newest reads were potentially harmful for someone involved, but honestly, so were kitchen knives, or golf clubs, or cars. And nobody bothered forbidding them either. 

That's the only revelation she's had by the time exams rolled around, and the exact point where she found herself stuck at now as she sat in the potions classroom like always, on a Friday evening in the second week of June. Not even a week before she would have to go back to her parents' house for the summer.

"Do you have a minute?" Robin asked as she looked over at Snape to her right with an inquiring expression. Some time in March she had started sitting at the side table next to his desk rather than at her usual seat in the students' rows when she came here for coffee and work at night. Admittedly, she'd occasionally been sitting there way before March already, whenever students were in the classroom for detention, but somehow after one particularly detention-heavy week in March, she hadn't bothered going back to her original seat, and he hadn't bothered asking her to. That's how she came to sit at the table next to his desk permanently now, in the evenings at least.

"Of course. I wanted to talk to you about a certain issue anyway, but feel free to start." He replied and closed the book he'd been reading for the last hour to meet Robin's gaze.

"You probably noticed that I've been reading up on the whole 'dark arts' thing over the last weeks, except for the week studying for my exams that is, and well… I just don't understand why there is such a thing as dark arts in the first place." Robin shrugged and closed her own book as well. "It's just more spells that happen to be a tad more dangerous than others. But the danger is just a potential, isn't it? I mean… the magic isn't good or bad in itself, it's the person using it who determines that. And calling it 'dark magic' is kind of taking the responsibility of making this choice from the witch or wizard who makes it."

"What exactly do you mean by that?"

"I mean…" She sighed and paused for a second to think of a good example. "Take a kitchen knife, for example. It's just a tool in itself, and only because some people use it to stab others doesn't make it inherently bad, nor do the people who use it to chop vegetables make it an inherently good thing. It has the potential to be both, and if one isn't aware of that, there  _ always _ is a danger in its use."

"I agree."

"So why do we learn in school that there is good magic and bad magic? Why don't we learn to work with the responsibility of dealing with a neutral magic that leaves it entirely up to us how to use it?" That was the actual question Robin had been meaning to ask, but it had taken a while to find a way to phrase it. 

"Because it is easier to keep people on a predetermined path if you map it out in front of them. Tell them what you think is good by giving them something that is bad in contrast, and the majority will let it guide them according to your very wish. That is how politics work, and as despicable as it is, the school is a political issue no matter what the headmaster says. Also, the dunderheads we teach couldn't deal with such a responsibility."

"That doesn't sound like an answer a professor would normally give." Robin smiled in amusement at his last comment.

"Your questions aren't something a student would normally ask." He returned with a shrug and an expression that made Robin chuckle.

"I guess you're right about that. And I do see your point. Thanks for the honest answer." She sighed and felt like he was probably right. What is taught and what isn't was all politics… and that meant it didn't always make sense. Huh, what a sad end for her private studies of the mysterious dark arts.

"Of course I'm honest with you, there would be no point in anything else."

"So… what issue did you want to talk about?" Robin inquired a few seconds later and tried not to showcase her curiosity all too much.

"There have been rumors for a while now…" He started, and Robin grew nervous immediately. Rumors were always bad, and somehow she always seemed to be entirely oblivious to them. Most of them at least.

"If it's that one that I failed transfiguration, that is entirely made up! I got an 'Exceeds Expectations' on this year's exam, and McGonagall was merely making a joke when she said she would give me a 'Dreadful' if I kept going over the maximum essay length!" Robin blurted out before Snape even had a chance to continue with what he meant to say.

"That is a rumor I have been entirely unaware of, but seeing as I know of your grades, it is also entirely irrelevant." He replied with a doubtful expression. "Is that the only rumor you have heard of?"

"Well, yeah…" Robin shrugged and looked down at her table as she bit her bottom lip. "Recently, yes." Maybe she shouldn't be so exclusively concerned about her own issues and actually start taking notice of the real world more often.

"There has been talk for a good two weeks about an unofficial end of term celebration. A party, hosted by a group of sixth years for the entire house and whoever is invited. Obviously the professors are not to know of this happening, but I like to pay attention to the ongoings within the student community. You don't happen to know anything more about the issue, do you?" His eyebrows rose in question, and for some reason Robin felt as if he seriously expected her to know what he was talking about. 

A Slytherin party everyone was invited to… well, everyone except for Robin as it seemed. She didn't usually care about these things, but somehow it hurt a little nonetheless that absolutely nobody had bothered inviting her. Did her roommates know about this? Or were the first years generally excluded? She had absolutely no idea, she hadn't even heard of it at all. Hell, even Snape knew more about it than she did! A burning shame with a hollowing tail of pathetic sadness crept from the pit of her stomach up to her heart and wrapped it in a veil of unwanted shadows.

"I… didn't even know there was a party at all. This is the first time I hear about it." She finally managed to reply, but her voice was way too quiet for her own liking. Really, this shouldn't even be bothering her! "I would tell you if I knew anything about it, I promise. I'm sorry…"

For a moment, Snape actually looked fairly uncomfortable upon her words, and Robin wondered if she had said anything stupid yet again. But she had no idea what it could be, and therefore she simply looked down at her book in silence. She would like to help him, really… but there was little she could do now.

"Do you even speak to the people in your year at all?" He asked after a moment, honestly inquiring rather than scolding her.

"I  _ do  _ talk to Theresa usually…" Robin shrugged. "Only about class issues though. Some other people outside of my own house too. But the only students in Slytherins I talk to are Cas and Jorien, and while they're both extraordinarily bright and truly lovely girls, they're far from being familiars to me. Maybe they know more about the party than I do though. I could ask them, if you would like."

"There will be no need for that. I was hoping you knew about it, but otherwise I have no intention to intervene."

"You don't?" Robin looked up with a frown. "But aren't they breaking a bunch of rules?"

"I would assume so. However as long as they stay within the castle and do not  _ wander…  _ I usually ignore occurrences like this."

"Why?"

"Because there isn't even half a week of term left, and I would rather spend that in peace and quiet than with fifty students in detention. As long as they do not cause or suffer any harm, I let them proceed and get it over with."

"Then why did you ask me about it in the first place?"

"I was wondering what kept you from attending, seeing as you still were here and not on your way. And I was curious about the specifics of the event, which I unfortunately have not had the luck to overhear." 

"Even if I had known about this stupid party, I probably wouldn't have gone anyway." Robin shrugged with a badly feigned indifference. "I'm no fan of those events, nor would I have been appreciated there as it seems."

"Then why does it upset you that you were previously unaware of it?" 

"I'm not upset." Robin shot right back, but upon his 'who are you kidding' expression, she rolled her eyes and gave a truthful response. "I mean… yes, I'm inattentive to these things sometimes, as I don't particularly care about the students' world, but if even the professors know about this stupid party… I just can't imagine that I merely missed the talk about it, which obviously has been going on if you could overhear it. Which in return means that I was intentionally excluded. That's just… I don't know. I shouldn't be upset about it, I don't even like these people. It's unreasonable to be sad about it."

"Emotions usually are unreasonable." He mused in return and Robin found herself nodding on instinct. Emotions are unreasonable, but they are an unavoidable pain in the butt nonetheless.

"So… that party is tonight?" Robin asked then, for she didn't know what else to say.

"It should be happening right now, however I am unaware of the specific location. You are intelligent though, certainly you could find out where it takes place." 

"Oh, I wasn't asking because of that. I know when I'm not welcome. And as I said, I don't care about parties. Or crowds. Or other people. I'm quite happy with the company I have." She stated and hoped that it wouldn't make him uncomfortable again, but he just listened to her words with the usual undivided attention, which brought a small smile to Robin's lips as she added, "The only thing I miss is the-..."

"Music?"

"Yes!" Her smile widened to a visible degree where it reached her eyes as well. "How did you know?"

He didn't reply, and only kept looking at Robin for a moment in silence accompanied by an expression of contemplation. Finally he turned away, and stood up. "Come on."

"Where are we going?" Robin frowned as she complied though and followed Snape out of the classroom, which he locked behind them before heading down the hallway.

"You will see." Was the only and very much cryptic reply he gave, and somehow Robin didn't feel as much nervous about the situation as purely excited. She didn't bother hiding her smirk, and only ignored the renewing waves of pleasant tingles on her skin as she followed him up the stairs and through the empty castle. 

They passed by any location Robin could've imagined Snape to lead her to, and only moved from one story up to the next until they arrived on the seventh floor. What the hell was he up to? Robin didn't have an inkling, and only grew even more confused when he told her to stay standing in the middle of a random crossing of hallways. But she obeyed without questioning him (he wouldn't have given an answer anyway) and stood frozen to the spot as she watched with a humored frown on her face how he paced up and down the hallway in front of her. Upon her chuckles however, she received a small glare that made her bite the insides of her cheeks to keep from straight out laughing. Whatever he was doing, it was both irritating and amusing.

Both sentiments faded from Robin's mind in a moment's notice however once a large door started materializing in the very wall she stood facing. It was almost as large as the one leading to the great hall, but undoubtedly more ornamented, and Robin's lips parted as she stared at the unusual occurrence in awe.

"After you." He said in manner that for him was unusually smug, and Robin's heart skipped a beat as she moved to open the door indeed. 

What lay beyond it was undoubtedly the most peculiar and yet the most fascinating thing she had ever seen. A room larger than she could fathom currently, larger than she ever would've imagined to be found inside this castle, filled with mountains upon mountains of various objects stacked upon each other in complete randomness. The things found in here were absolutely overwhelming in their incredible amount and diversity, and Robin didn't even know where to look first as she stood helplessly frozen in the doorway. It was rather overwhelming indeed. 

"Welcome to the room of requirement, or in this instance, the room of hidden things." Snape said in a more quiet tone now, as he steered Robin further into the room by her shoulders so that he could close the door behind them.

"What on earth is this?" Robin wondered as she let her eyes travel over the mountains of objects. There was one of everything in existence in here, she was absolutely sure of that. Maybe she was just dreaming all of this. She didn't care to wake up though.

"A mystery, and a secret. The room of requirement is a peculiar piece of magic, as it turns into whatever someone needs the most in the instant. It can be made to appear in the way you just witnessed, by having a clear picture of what it is one needs in mind. The room of hidden things is one of the countless forms the room of requirement can take on, and it has been used to hide and store any kind of thing for centuries."

"It's absolutely incredible, it's…" Robin replied quietly, too awestruck to even bother hiding the sentiment, and finally unfroze enough to saunter through the mountains of things. "Something so entirely impossible that it just has to exist."

"Indeed. It is almost impossible to find by accident, and the vast majority of people is unaware of the existence of this room in the first place. I would like for it to remain that way."

"I won't lose a word about it. I promise." Robin finally could tear her eyes off the room to look at Snape once more. "Why did you bring me here though? If it's such a secret, why take the risk?"

"You are no risk, I am well aware of that." He replied easily, and Robin felt an immediate sense of pride in that. "I brought you here because in a place where there is everything, there is always what you are looking for."

Before Robin could ask what exactly he meant by that, he spoke a few more muttered words and then the deep silence of the huge hall was replaced by a crackle, and finally by the sound of music. Robin looked around to find a possible origin of it, but the source remained hidden from her sight. The sound alone sufficed to brighten her smile though, and she closed her eyes to simply listen in contentment. It had been so long since she had gotten to enjoy music without the disturbing sounds of people talking or dancing or moving… and music at Hogwarts generally was scarce anyway. So now, for a long while, she simply stood there in between the mountains of fascinating things with her eyes closed and let the sound wrap around her senses. She breathed in the music like the cold air of the night that didn't exist in here, for time wasn't a dimension of relevance in this place. Everything about this room was timeless, ancient and modern at once, and Robin felt like she had entered a different reality beyond the limits of imagination. An impossible reality indeed.

It was one of those rare moments where she felt flooded and filled up by an infinite number of highly intense emotions that blended together like colors to form a blinding white light. A moment where an unimaginable intensity of feeling didn't cause her to implode into darkness but to explode into blissful light. A moment she wouldn't forget. At last she opened her eyes again, and found that Snape was looking at her with a doubtful expression yet again. 

"What?" She asked with a smile, frowning at him in return.

"Are you alright?"

"Are  _ you _ concerned?"

"Yes."

"Wow… good to know that me being happy is such a scary sight." Robin let out a laugh she couldn't help and shook her head to herself. "Sorry, sarcasm isn't an appropriate answer to honesty. I'm very alright, actually. As close to perfect as I could be, I believe. Thank you for that."

"Get over it already, will you... It was merely music and a dusty old room, hardly something to be so very delighted about."

"You cannot seriously deny that you did something nice by bringing me here. It's not even possible to deny!" Robin laughed again and didn't even care if he scolded her for it.

"I can try." He replied with a glare and a scowl, and Robin smiled to herself as she looked down at the ground in a defeat as feigned as his distaste. Maybe she should help him with the trying.

"So, if you didn't bring me here to be nice, what did you hope to find in here then? Maybe I could help looking for it." She suggested with an innocent smile she actually could convey for once, even if only due to the fact that she would seriously love to have a look around.

"I shall see to that myself. Go ahead and look around if you wish to though, but I ask you to be careful and not to touch anything. Many of the objects in here are more harmful than they look."

"Well, if something happens to me, you could just leave my body in here and nobody will ever find it. Problem solved." Robin shrugged with a nonchalant expression, but a smirk came onto her lips nonetheless as Snape rolled his eyes in return.

"If you keep sassing me, I might actually consider that." He replied and turned to walk off without another glance, and Robin's jaw dropped in sheer amusement. Then, with the biggest grin on her face, she went to take a look around at last.

… … … 

It was after almost an hour of searching through stuff by herself that Robin found something that made her stop and stare. Not because it was particularly noticeable or interesting in itself, but because it existed in the first place. That was odd enough to give Robin some serious chills. Maybe she should tell Snape about it… or better yet, show him. Because nobody would believe it otherwise.

"Uh, professor?" She called into the open room in the hopes that he would hear her, wherever he might be. "I… found something you should take a look at."

"Is it urgent or merely interesting?" He asked from somewhere off to the left, and Robin thought for a second.

"Well, urgent is the wrong word, but I don't think I want to leave this room without you seeing this. It's… remarkable." She finally replied with an insecure frown to herself, and at the object in question.

"Could you be even more imprecise than that?" He sounded annoyed, but was getting closer at least.

"It's no threat, if that's what you mean. Just… eerie." She finished the statement in a tone too quiet to be heard far, but a mere few seconds later he was standing next to her already.

"Now, what is so remarkable that I needed to see it?" He sighed with a look at Robin instead of the pile she stood in front of, but his eyes followed her line of sight even before she could answer his question and he froze at the sight just like Robin had. "That… is remarkable indeed."

"Told you so." She replied before she could decide better not to, but he let it slip anyway.

What they were both looking at now was a large, framed, but unmoving portrait. A portrait of a young woman who looked exactly like Robin, only perhaps a few years older. But the similarity was undeniable.

"Did you touch it?"

"Of course not!" Robin protested immediately. "I actually do take advice when I deem it useful!"

"Did anything else happen that might be considered unusual?"

"No… I was just looking at all the things, and then I saw this. Nothing moved, or glowed, or changed or whatever it could have done. A perfectly ordinary painting." She shrugged and finally averted her eyes from the image.

"Perhaps it is only a coincidence. Over the course of the centuries there surely have been a few people who look like you." He tried to reason, but also didn't sound too convinced about what he was saying.

"That  _ would _ explain the similarity between her and me. But then how do you explain this?" Robin asked quietly, and pulled her necklace with the locket on it over the collar of her shirt into the open. "Look what she's wearing around her neck… A different necklace, admittedly, but the locket is the very same as mine."

For another two seconds he inspected the painting, then stepped so close to Robin that he could take the small piece of jewelry out of her hand and study it with the same intense gaze. Bloody hell… she would've taken the necklace off if he had just given her a moment longer to do so. Instead, he now stood so close that every single sense of hers was heightened to the unbearable. Hopefully he couldn't hear the ridiculous pace of her heart as it almost leapt out of her chest with every beat… if he did, she might just have to blame it on her scary similarity to the painting.

Somehow, the more she tried to ignore these things, the feelings and tingles and thoughts, the stronger they came lashing back at her in the end. It really was unfair. She didn't want to like him so much… and she didn't want to enjoy it. Hopefully this stupid teenage-crush thing would be over soon; she's had enough after a full year of repressing it.

"You have had this for a while, haven't you?" He finally spoke up again before he looked Robin in the eye for a few silent seconds, then dropped the locket and took a few steps backwards.

"What?" Robin's mind was in a minor haze, and she needed a second to remember how to breathe. Gods, this was ridiculous. It was torture and bliss at the same time. Maybe she could blame it on hormones, or something likely unlikely.

"The locket has been in your possession for how long?" He repeated, but without the feigned annoyance Robin had expected. 

"I… bought it in an antiquity shop in Diagon Alley during the Christmas break of my first year here. That would be three and a half years ago." She finally got her brain to work again, and shook the unnecessary feelings out of her otherwise functioning system.

"And you have been wearing it ever since?" 

"Yes."

"Anything unusual?"

"No. Not at all. I put the same charm on it as on my backpack though, but it has never caused me any problems." Robin shrugged with a calm expression. "Do you think this portrait is anything more than just a big coincidence?"

"I have no idea. But I have seen coincidences far stranger than this one, so it is very much possible that it is nothing more."

"I mean… last year, when we made that potion to see which spells had affected me, there was no influence of another kind on me other than that prank thing, right? So this shouldn't be affecting me, seeing as I've had the locket for far longer than that."

"I hadn't considered that, but I do agree. Perhaps it  _ is  _ merely a coincidence. Still, I-..."

"You expect me to tell you immediately when or if something odd occurs." Robin added before he could.

"Indeed." He replied with a small glare in return, but Robin didn't let it fool her at all as they left the portrait where it was and made their way back towards the doorway back into the real world.

"Did you find what you were looking for, by the way? The reason we came here?" She asked with a new smile, looking up at Snape once they stepped through the doors and into the dark hallway. 

For a moment he simply returned her gaze in silence, giving her one of those enigmatic looks that said everything and nothing at once, until he finally replied with words once they started making their way back towards the dungeons. "Yes, I believe I did." 

And yet, he hadn't taken a single thing out of the room he hadn't brought there himself in the first place; it was only Robin, and the very smile on her lips.


	26. Changing Tides -  Part 1

There was a major difference in the way Robin approached this summer break in contrast to the last years. The dread that usually overcame her even before she stepped onto the train back to London was still very much present and accompanied by a deep sadness at the prospect of not being able to have coffee with Snape every night, but she didn't feel quite as desperate about the length of the break. This year, she actually had something to look forward to.

It had come as a surprise on her last evening at school, when she had been talking to Snape about summer plans, that he had handed her a letter that had originally been addressed to him. At first Robin had been understandably confused why he'd given it to her, but after a moment of explanation, things had started to make sense. It was an invitation to a one-day conference in London, taking place two weeks into the holidays. According to him, it was an 'insignificant' event with a series of lectures and discussions about anything related to the overall subject of potion making. While the invitation was meant for Snape himself, he had made it rather clear that he had no interest in attending and thus wanted to give Robin the opportunity to listen to some of the lectures if she cared to go in his place. Obviously she'd been absolutely delighted by the possibility, and assured him that she would do her very best to lay low and make a good impression for once. He'd told her where to be on which day, then spoken a brief warning about some people he couldn't stand but who likely would be attending, and at last they had changed the topic, talking about the book Robin had just finished that day.

On the train ride home the next day however, she had wondered if he really didn't want to attend or if he merely wanted to give her the chance to go in his place, but seeing as she couldn't answer that question, she had let it go after a while of pondering. But she  _ did  _ take pride in the fact that he obviously believed she would understand whatever would be talked about at this conference, and even more that he trusted her to not embarrass him in his absence. She would definitely try to learn as much as possible from this event, and be noticed as little as possible in return.

The two weeks until the anticipated day passed by slowly, but with something to look forward to, it wasn't quite as dreadful as wishing and waiting for the end of the holidays already. Robin did actually end up telling her parents about the conference a few days before it would take place, and they seemed rather delighted about the fact that Robin was indulging in the same kind of academic endeavours they themselves thrived in so much. To be honest, Robin had merely told them because spending the entire day in London meant that she would be home very late if she took the train after the last lecture would be over, and she didn't want them to worry. They however seemed fairly unbothered by the fact that their daughter would be out and about in the middle of the night, and Robin gave up on trying to get them to take interest in her person as much as they did in her 'career'. Thus they merely talked about proper behavior at an event like this, how to ask questions without being rude or make suggestions without sounding braggy, and Robin did in fact appreciate the advice for once. Who knew… maybe it applied to the wizarding world just as much as to the muggle world.

When the day finally arrived, Robin was nervous and delighted at once. Seeing as she would indeed have to stick to public transportation like the muggle she was pretending to be during the holidays, she opted for a more mundane choice of outfit too. Still, she wanted to make a good impression, and thus she chose to wear dressier clothes for once, which turned out more of a challenge than anticipated, due to an underwhelming amount of options. Eventually she ended up with a black, high waisted tube skirt that ended a little higher than a hand's width above her knees, and an olive green blouse with long bishop sleeves which she tugged into the skirt. Paired with some dressy flats and her usual leather backpack, Robin deemed it fancy enough. Her mom also gave her approval, calling it 'appropriate enough' for someone Robin's age, and thus she was off to London even before it had properly started to dawn.

Finding the place where the conference would take place was actually easier than she had expected, especially if one considered that she had to rely on an ordinary, non-magical street map of London to find the correct building. This rule forbidding underage magic outside of Hogwarts was bullshit, in her eyes, but she also figured that not everyone was being as responsible with their magic as she was… so it maybe  _ did  _ make sense for some people. After finding the right building however, the next obstacle was being allowed in.

"Can I help you?" The first person she tried to simply walk past, once inside the entrance hall, already stepped into her path.

"I have an invitation for the conference." Robin replied as self-assuredly as she could, portraying nothing but calmness on the outside while yet on the inside she felt rather overwhelmed by the whole thing. Too many people, too many strangers especially, and in addition to that a place she wasn't familiar with and a situation nobody believed she belonged into.  _ Great _ …

"May I see it, please?" At least the man was polite, even if a bit too condescending for Robin's liking. Without protesting though, she grabbed the invitation card out of her backpack and held it under his nose with an indifferent expression.

"I apologise for the inconvenience, Miss. The conference room is on the third floor. Just follow the signs and you should find it with ease." He said after but a brief glimpse at the paper, and stepped out of Robin's way while pointing her to the staircase.

It really was beyond easy to find the correct room by following the signs, but before she even could set foot into it, she was held up yet again by a man sitting at a table in front of the room. 

"Good morning." Robin actually addressed him first, with a polite smile, as she came to stand in front of the table. Somehow she had rather hoped that she could just sneak into this like she had done in some lectures at university in the past years… but obviously that wasn't the case.

"How can I help you, Missy?" The older man raised his eyebrows at her with a small smile, and Robin found herself conflicted by his disrespectful way of addressing her in contrast to his kind face.

"I am here for the conference." She stated calmly though, and handed the invite to the man in front of her. 

His eyebrows rose even higher as he read over the card, before he finally turned back to Robin with a surprised face. "What does a lass like you have to do with Severus Snape? You surely know that this is his invite, don't you?"

"Of course I am aware of that." She bit down the snarl and kept her tone polite and neutral like the adult she was trying to be here. "I'm his… friend. He couldn't attend and therefore sent me in his place." There was no need to tell him that Snape had called them an old bunch of idiots and hadn't wanted to come here because it would bore him out of his mind, was there? No, certainly not.

"From what's said about him, he doesn't have a lot of friends I believe." The man mused, but handed the paper back to Robin with a smile nonetheless. "Well, he still seems to have a decent taste in people if he sent you here today, huh? What's your name? For the list of attendees, and the name tag."

Robin almost would've snorted at the statement… Snape and good with people? Best joke she'd heard in weeks. But at least she wasn't questioned any more than that. She would've hated to elaborate on her ' _ friendship'  _ with her professor. One sided as it was, especially…

"Robin Mitchell." She answered with a small smile, and a moment later accepted the sticky tag he was holding out to her. Without questioning why it only read her last name, she stuck it onto her blouse a little below her collar bone, and then was granted entrance to the room at last.

If she'd had any hope to just not be noticed before, it definitely was gone by now. The room was crowded with wizards of all shapes and sizes, mostly of the older generations, and Robin spotted exactly two females other than herself. Age and gender… first things that drew quite a few eyes to her. But then there also was the small but very obvious fact that she was the only one not wearing robes. Hell, even if she'd wanted to, she couldn't have sat in the train for two hours looking like a kid dressed up for Halloween and  _ not  _ panic. Well… she could've changed once she got here. Too late for that idea now.

Many eyes followed her indeed as she walked across the room to sit down as far to the back as possible. At least there were many people scattered around the room, chatting and laughing currently; surely they would just forget that Robin was here at some point. Hopefully, if they didn't ignore her, these people would actually treat her with some professionalism at least, even if she looked like she could be their grandchild. Well, at least she got why Snape had called them a bunch of old idiots now.

After her initial discomfort, the situation improved (fairly little at first) once the actual event began. Robin tried to somewhat keep up with the smalltalk the man next to her was trying to make, but he ended up spending more time staring at her mostly bare legs than listening to what she said in return, so she eventually just gave up on trying to converse in the first place. The lectures however were well worth the trouble, as Robin discovered, and she took plenty of notes about anything that seemed interested or useful to remember. In fact, she  _ did _ understand most of what was said and even recognized a lot of it from her extensive readings. Events like this generally seemed to function more by knowledge than by experience, and Robin had theoretical knowledge in the plenty. Thus she actually had a pretty good time for the majority of the lectures, as it allowed her to completely ignore the fact that other people were present in the same room.

Only when they took a break at noon, she was approached by some people who probably only wanted to be kind and involve her in the conversation, which however served to make Robin feel rather nervous in the beginning. They asked her about her young age, of course, and she tried to politely convince them that intelligence wasn't a matter of age, and neither was passion for a subject. At least the lunch break was spent with conversation this way, rather than awkward silence, and Robin actually found herself enjoying the polite and professional conversations they engaged in soon. Throughout the talking she got involved in however, she tried to share as little information about herself and her knowledge about potions as possible, for she feared that she would only embarrass herself anyway if she said something wrong. She was here to listen, not to talk.

That however changed drastically in the afternoon. After one particularly long lecture about medical potions and strategies of use, the following discussion was a furnace of opinions and arguments. Robin merely listened to the many arguments and counterarguments in silence, just as she'd been doing for the past few hours, and kept her own thoughts to herself. That worked rather well for her, right until the man who had held the lecture in the first place, Kenneth Crowe, said something undeniably wrong and everybody in the room seemed to agree with him. Instantly the desire to at least ask about it jumped to the very front of Robin's mind, but she bit the insides of her cheeks to stay quiet. It wasn't her place to say anything at all, and definitely not to correct a well renowned professional in the field. But it was such an obvious mistake… such a stupid but important little detail. And leaving it in the wrong might actually result in very much real consequences for people, especially in the medical field. Crowe had introduced a new kind of healing potion in his lecture, a revolutionary invention of his that might cure yet untreatable curses… and Robin believed to know that it wouldn't work. At least not in the way he was suggesting. Bloody hell, she just wanted to tell them, but she was also desperately scared to say something stupid. It wasn't her place to speak up, it wasn't her goddamn place to doubt these people!!! But the knowledge that she  _ might  _ be right sufficed to torture her mind more with every second she didn't at least voice the doubt. At last Robin's mind won over her churning stomach and racing heart. She raised her hand, was called on almost immediately, and after one deep and shaky breath, she started explaining to a room full of professionals why they were wrong about the subject. 

"I… would like to ask a question." She started, hoping that her criticism wouldn't come off as such if she phrased it this way. "You, uh… You stated that the petals of the Varilion flower are a key ingredient, and so is the essence of Canticor, yes?"

"Yes. And?" Crowe looked down at Robin from his pedestal with a humored, but undeniably deriding smile. He probably thought that she didn't even understand a word of what they were currently dealing with… oh, how wrong he was. A bit of the reluctance to possibly insult this man fell off Robin's mind at the stupid look on his face alone, and she decided to continue more directly.

"I just wanted to be sure I didn't misunderstand you." She replied with a polite little smile that was born out of her newly arising wish to wipe his own smile off his stupid face. "Because as far as I'm aware, Varilion –as a plant in the family of nocturnal vinca breeds– would very likely cancel out the effects of the Canticor which are needed here. Without the Canticor however, the entire product would likely be unstable and thus lacking the functionality you have described."

"That's ridiculous, I tested the potion myself and it was perfectly stable. You shouldn't make assumptions like that without prior knowledge of the subject, child. This potion will be perfectly stable." He almost snapped back, and a few people frowned at his admittedly harsh reply. Robin didn't let it impress her at all; she was just getting started. Somehow, now that the dam was broken, she really didn't mind speaking up all that much anymore.

"Well, it  _ is  _ stable if the potion is made in a common testing quantity as opposed to an average production size. If one would try to make a sufficient amount of it in order to be able to give it to a human being with the desired healing result, one would run into severe problems, seeing as the Varilion and the Canticor start canceling each other out at an amount that is way smaller than what would be needed indeed. Thus it is not possible to use this formula to even make enough of the potion for one single person. Which, in return, renders the potion quite useless." People stared at Robin with all kinds of mixed and shocked expressions as she spoke, some whispering and turning pages, but she used the opportunity of having the word already to lean just a bit further out of what she had thought to be her place. " _ However _ , seeing as the core problem is merely the radically dominating nature of the vinca breed in the Varilion, I would suggest replacing it with Plangentine. As another nocturnal flower with almost the same properties, as far as I'm aware, it might make a functional replacement even in larger quantities. But that, of course, is only my humble opinion. Thank you."

With that she shut her mouth, leaned back in her chair, and observed how about thirty jaws dropped. Geez, it was hard not to smirk. This really shouldn't be so much fun… What she had done wasn't exactly considered polite, even if she had phrased it politely. Her parents would be disappointed. Snape however would likely be proud. Robin decided to focus on the latter.

For the long moment that followed, nobody said anything at all, and people merely seemed to think about what Robin had suggested. When the discussion was finally continued however, every single person who contributed something spoke in favor of Robin's opinion or at least seemed to accept it as correct. Thank goodness… she would've hated to feel so smug and then be proven wrong. Thus, seeing as she had done her part in voicing her doubt and wiping the stupid smile off the man's face, Robin went back to simply listening to what was said, and meanwhile noted down the discussed healing potion in her journal,  _ with  _ her own suggested change. She'd have to ask Snape about it when she went back to school. Maybe they could even test it, for fun.

The rest of the afternoon flew by just as the morning had, but with significantly more glances at Robin. One time she was even directly asked for her opinion on something, which freaked her out quite a bit on the inside at least, but she still was able to give a reply everyone seemed to be accepting as a contribution as valuable as any other person's. Maybe she had finally gotten herself out of the grandchild box in their minds after all.

After the last lecture was over, fairly late in the evening, the entire group of attendees was asked to come to the podium to pose for a photograph. At first, Robin had respectfully stepped aside to let the  _ real  _ attendees take the stage, but upon multiple people insisting that she had played an important role in this meeting, she had found herself among the group as well. Right in the front. Definitely not as subtle as she'd planned to be today, but seeing as she was a good head shorter than almost everyone else, it did actually make sense to put her up front. Once all pictures were taken, Robin planned to head home, but she was quickly (and more or less against her will) pulled into a discussion about the very same healing potion once more. Now, in a smaller group of far less hostile people, she felt more comfortable with repeating her suggestion and explaining how she had gotten to the realization in the first place. Many people asked for her name, her age, her  _ profession _ … and some went even further and asked for her opinion on all kinds of topics related to potions and even herbology. Robin did her best to answer with knowledge and educated guesses, but seeing as she was actually taken seriously by the people who bothered to talk to her in the first place, she also didn't hesitate to say when she didn't know about something. In those latter cases, she asked the person she was speaking to for suggestions on books or articles on the topic, so that she could one day maybe answer their question on a more profound basis. Finally, some time after eleven at night, she made for the train back to Oxford with a long list of things to read up on, and an even longer one of people she had left an impression with.

… … … 

The days after the conference were as dreadful as the summer usually was, and any opportunity to make something out of the free time stayed ridiculously absent. Thus Robin was bored out of her mind even more quickly than usual, therefore spent more time reading than likely was good for her, and generally found herself desperately wishing to be able to return to school already. Every bit the usual summer. 

After two weeks of this mind numbing madness however, Robin's days became a little more bearable with an unexpected turn of events. She was sitting at breakfast, her parents about to leave for the day, when her mom came back into the kitchen to hand Robin a letter, saying it looked like her friends from school had finally thought of her after all. Robin didn't have the heart nor the time to tell her that she didn't even  _ have  _ friends, so she just took the letter out of her mom's hand with a quiet thank you, shrugged at the question who it was from and merely tossed it onto a stack of books in feigned indifference. Then she wished her mom and dad a nice day at work, and continued to sip on her black coffee.

However, the very second the front door fell shut and the house silent in return, Robin had the letter in her hands again and flipped it over to see her name written on the envelope in the familiar spidery cursive she'd missed seeing in the past few weeks. Her heart skipped a beat, and she didn't know if she should be scared or excited about this letter. Both, probably. Without wasting another second, she opened the envelope with a kitchen knife and fiddled a folded piece of parchment out of it. Yup, definitely scared and excited at once. But if she was in trouble, it surely would've been an official school letter, right? Not just an average envelope with nothing but her name on it… bloody hell, her heartbeat was louder than the silence around her. With a deep breath, she unfolded the letter at last. 

_ Miss Mitchell. _

_ You might find yourself wondering what led me to write to you in between terms, and you will find the main answer to that in the envelope with this letter. _

Robin stopped reading at that point and took another look into the envelope she had carelessly dropped onto the counter. There was another piece of paper in it, folded in half as well, but Robin could already tell by the look of it that it was a newspaper cutout. Once she unfolded it, she found herself both smiling and feeling too warm in the face at once. It was the photograph that had been taken at the conference, with a short article beneath it. It was nothing special, just a little text about how many people had attended and which topics had been discussed, and thus Robin found herself looking at the moving photograph for a longer moment instead. Really, she'd known that she had somewhat stood out from the crowd, but the picture made it undeniably evident. About fifty much older people in thick and flowing robes and with the most serious faces, and Robin right in the middle with her short skirt, victorian style blouse and a small smile. Oh dear… she almost dreaded going back to Snape's letter. He surely would be complaining about her choice of clothes, but she  _ honestly  _ hadn't known better. Her attire would've been perfectly ordinary in the muggle world. Oh well… at least the photograph was a lovely reminder of the admittedly amazing day she'd had at the conference. Careful not to crease the picture any more than the folds it already had, she put it into her most recent journal and then finally went back to the letter.

_ Miss Mitchell. _

_ You might find yourself wondering what led me to write to you in between terms, and you will find the answer to that in the envelope together with this letter. The picture was published in the Daily Prophet the day after the conference. This cutout was sent to me a few days later, by an acquaintance who you should have met at the event, Patrick Isaac. I assume you are not keeping up with the news, not with the Prophet at least, which is why I decided to forward the picture to you directly. Perhaps you would like to keep the cutout, you certainly have more use for it than I do. _

_ Furthermore it might interest you to know that Mister Isaac, together with the picture, sent me a fairly long letter to gush over a certain young witch by the name of Robin Mitchell who attended the conference with him and who obviously was rumored to be a friend of mine. I will spare you the details of his disconcertingly detailed elaborations, but overall it appears that you have earned yourself quite a few admirers among the attendees, if the other six letters that I have received in your praise are any indicator of that. It seems that you have surprised me yet again, which indeed does not surprise me at all.  _

_ However I still would like to know more about the 'remarkable incident' involving a certain new potion that was discussed. Multiple people reference it in the context of your astonishing intellect, yet without ever elaborating on the issue. What did you do this time that rendered competent professionals quite so speechless? I expect your timely reply, seeing as you do not have further plans for the summer anyway.  _

_ Snape _

Robin frowned at the last few lines, then sighed to herself and dropped the letter on the counter to make another cup of coffee first. Well, at least writing a letter would give her something to do. And writing a letter to Snape would give her something  _ enjoyable  _ to do indeed. A smile spread on her lips as she set the kettle on the stove. He could've waited until after the holidays to give her the clipping, and even to ask her about the conference, but he had sent a letter instead and that made Robin smile even more. Maybe, in some reality, he actually enjoyed talking to her too. Seriously enjoyed it, that is, not just because she kept on talking to  _ him  _ first _. _ Once the kettle whistled, she added the boiling water to her instant coffee and then balanced the letter, the envelope, her book, her journal AND the coffee mug up the stairs and towards the desk in her room. She had a letter to write after all.

… … … 

Robin received the next letter three weeks after she had written to Snape about her experiences at the conference. She'd been careful in her explanations to always leave some things unsaid so she would have something to tell him in person, but she  _ had _ elaborated on the conversations she'd had with people he might possibly know. 

This time his letter was dropped off by an owl on a Sunday evening, which almost gave Robin's dad a seizure when the poor animal landed on the windowsill next to his armchair. Somehow muggles just couldn't get used to the post being delivered by owls… People have used pigeons to deliver messages for decades; what was so weird about owls now?!

"Oh look, it has the same illegible handwriting on it as the last one." Her mom smiled as she picked up the envelope that again just had Robin's name written on it. "How come your friend didn't write to you in the last years?"

"We, uh… we've only been friends since rather recently." Robin replied evasively and snatched the envelope out of her mother's hand. "And his handwriting isn't illegible! It's just… kinda squiggly."

"If you say so, sweetie." Her mom shrugged, and turned back towards the living room. "You must have a lot of practice deciphering his handwriting if you find it legible."

"We work together. A lot." Robin mused and thumbed over the rough corners of the envelope. "On… essays."

"Well, if I had to grade his essays, he surely wouldn't come very far." Her dad replied with a snarky expression while he didn't even look up from his book. "I'm surprised that you write essays in that school in the first place. Not just bunnies in top hats then, huh?"

" _ You _ are who wouldn't come very far." Robin whispered to herself with a roll of her eyes as she made for her room with her letter still clasped tightly in hand, not even honoring her father's remark with a reply. Honestly, her dad wouldn't understand a single word about anything magical at all, seeing as he made every attempt not to, nor would he ever understand that she wasn't attending a clown's college but a serious magical academy. And… oh bloody hell, he would probably hate Snape with a passion. Well, good thing they never had to meet. Hopefully. Unfortunately.  _ Ugh… _ that crush of hers wasn't getting any better, rather on the opposite. But she usually could ignore it pretty well these days.

With a sigh she sat down on the carpeted floor, leaning against the post of her bed as she opened the envelope at last. This letter was a lot shorter than the first, but she didn't mind. The sole fact that he had replied even though he didn't have to was enough to make her skin crawl in excitement.

_ Miss Mitchell.  _

_ I cannot believe that you told off one of the best renowned potioneers in the country, and obviously were in the right to do so. What I would give to have been a witness of the incident indeed; I have always had a rather strong distaste for that man. You will need to tell me more on the specifics of the circumstances once term starts.  _

_ Furthermore I have come to the decision that I would like you to assist me in my practical work and studies from now, seeing as I deem any other mode of teaching you insufficient and thus pointless. Your knowledge is already on an acceptable level, as you have once more proven at the conference, and I believe it is time that your practical capabilities keep up with both my standards for your work and your own. You will assist me in my work, and in return I will do my best to teach you everything I possibly can. Seeing as you have run out of books of mine to read, I believe this addition to our already prevalent nightly meetings to be in your best interest as well. I am looking forward to the new term.  _

_ Snape _

Seconds ticked by and Robin stared at the letter in her hands with a positive numbness, until at last her lips curled into a smile, then a grin, and at last she felt an overwhelming excitement at the opportunity that had just opened up in front of her. Well, and the fact that he had in all seriousness written 'already prevalent nightly meetings' without any care in the world. It was amazing how absolutely serious and yet casual he was about it. A pleasant shudder ran up Robin's spine, all the way into her neck. He couldn't mind her presence all that much if he suggested her to spend even more time perched into the minimal space of the laboratory with him, could he?

She had been helping out in the lab on a few occasions since their endeavour with the restored page in her third year, but it by far hadn't been a regular thing nor one that could be described as real practical experience. While she'd been desperately wanting and wishing to do this kind of practical work with Snape again, for a multitude of reasons, she had never actually believed that she might. And now she would. God, she couldn't wait for the holidays to be over already.


	27. Changing Tides -  Part 2

For the remaining month of summer, Robin didn't intend to reply to the letter, for she simply didn't know what to say, nor did she want to annoy Snape by wasting his time on nothing of importance. Instead, she went back to familiar habits and took them a step further: she decided to go on a road trip for two weeks, camping wherever she was allowed to, and seeing how far up north she got by train or bus. All by herself. At first the idea had been nothing but a lovely 'what if', a daydream of hers, but once she had randomly brought the idea up during an otherwise silent dinner, her parents had both only shrugged and said she was old enough to take care of herself if she wanted to. Robin couldn't help wondering if they didn't even care if something happened to her or if they truly believed that she would be fine, but either way she tried to be happy about her freedom. Even if it came at the price of their indifference and a surprisingly hollow feeling in her own gut. As long as she wasn't dead or on the news, her parents probably wouldn't even care if she moved to Australia. But all she wanted was to get out of the city, into nature and to the coast for a while. She missed her peaceful black lake quite a lot, and the rugged landscape as a whole even more. Maybe she would try to get up to the Scottish coast and camp there… 

Her parents merely told her to find a payphone and give them a call whenever she could, but otherwise they had no objections to her adventure. So Robin took her Christmas money, her family's ancient and mostly unused camping equipment, a journal and her entire stash of unread books (all nicely fitting into her leather backpack thanks to the beloved extension charm) and set out for her own little vacation the very next day. And she  _ did  _ get pretty far around, all the way up to Aberdeen, while always staying on the coastline if she could. People did give her weird looks occasionally, for traveling alone and at all odd times of the day, but she didn't run into any serious problems and could enjoy the time spent solely with herself and nature. 

However, despite her initial decision not to, she found herself unable to resist the temptation to send a postcard to her favorite potions professor. She chose the least cheesy one, a simple photograph of the vast nature on the coast she had stayed at for a while, but didn't even write a single word on its back. Maybe he would know who it was from… maybe he wouldn't. Robin smirked at the thought of Snape frowning at it in the utter inability to solve the mystery of its origin. Then again, maybe he simply didn't care enough to try to. She sent him the card anyway, and hoped that it would at least make him raise an eyebrow.

On her way back down to Oxford on the second to last day of her trip, she thought that maybe she should've sent a postcard to her parents too. Oh well… the likelihood that they had missed a gesture like that was close to non-existent, and the chance that they had missed Robin probably even smaller. Once she arrived back at her parents' house at last, she discovered that she was very much right about that, for it was as if she hadn't left in the first place. All she got was an "if you say so, sweetie" and a call in the evening that they wouldn't be home for dinner. But at least there was only one more dreadful week left now, until she could finally return to where she truly felt at home.

… … … 

The beginning of her fifth year at Hogwarts brought more than one change for Robin. Once on the Hogwarts Express, she sat down in just another random compartment that happened to be empty, but unlike the previous years she didn't stay alone for long. In fact, she was joined by Cas and Jorien even before they had left London, and the three roommates spent the entire train ride catching up. Well, 'catching up' might not be the right word, since it mostly entailed the two younger girls raving about their summer and Robin listening patiently to their stories, but she still found herself glad that they were there. In a way she felt responsible for them even outside of school, and she knew that her task to subtly take care of them would carry over into the new school year seamlessly.

At the welcoming feast Robin sat with them as well, upon their very wish, and while they were talking to some classmates of theirs, Robin studied the head table as she always did at the beginning of a new year. Nothing had changed, really, Hagrid still had the bushiest hair of them all, Flitwick was the shortest, McGonagall had the nicest robes and Snape… well, Snape was another issue entirely. He looked as unimpressed and straight out bored as he usually did when he knew people were watching him, but it was just that familiar gesture of his that brought a smile to Robin's face and a faster pace to the beating of her heart. God, she hadn't realized she had missed him quite that much. Not only their coffee time and talks, but just  _ him _ . The uniqueness of his features, his scowls and not-smirks, the intensity of his entire being… 

"Helloohoo, earth to Robin!" Cas snapped her fingers in front of Robin's face, and she blinked a few times as she snapped out of her stare in return. "What are you staring at like that?"

"Oh, nothing…" Robin shrugged and suppressed the burning embarrassment that threatened to rise to her face, while putting up a neutral facade once more. She'd had a lot of practice with that over the summer; every time her parents told her they wouldn't be there for dinner, gave a perfectly generic reply to anything Robin told them, looked at her with the smile of someone who worked customer service… Every time Robin had hidden the complex turmoil of disappointment, sadness and distaste behind a perfect facade of neutrality. Maybe she was getting too good at it. "I was just trying to figure out if there was anything new with the professors."

"And?" Jorien asked in return and rose her eyebrows curiously.

"Nah, you know the deal…" Actually, they probably didn't. It was only their second year here after all. "That means no. There's never anything new."

"Then why are you staring anyway? If you know there's nothing new?"

"Good question. Keep on questioning people, by the way, it'll do you good." Robin sighed with a half smile. "I guess I'm just tired from the long train ride."

That wasn't even a lie, she  _ did  _ feel tired, but more of the amount of people constantly around her than because of actual exhaustion. She didn't want her young roommates to feel unappreciated though, seeing as it really wasn't as much about them as about people in general, so she left it at this poor explanation and simply hoped that the feast would be over soon. Then she could escape into the comfort of the potions classroom at last, into the comfort of the only person she liked having around. The only person she'd ever truly missed.

… … … 

An hour later, Robin let herself into the classroom with her heart nearly jumping out of her chest. Why the heck was she feeling so nervous? Positively nervous, admittedly, but still… she'd spent more time in here than anywhere else in the castle, so why was she feeling like this now? Maybe it was the prospect of change that made her skin crawl like this, or maybe it was just the familiar chill of the dungeons that seemed a little more prominent today than it usually did.

"Coffee?" Came the equally familiar deep voice from right behind her, and Robin jumped with a yelp. Geez, how could that man move so quietly?!

"Well, good to see you too." She replied in a breathy but undeniably sarcastic tone, and actually got a not-smirk in return as she turned around towards him. "And yes, coffee. Always coffee. I'm preparing first."

"Certainly you are." He sounded more humored than usual, or maybe Robin simply had forgotten just how lovely his voice sounded when he was amused. "But I suggest we sit in the office, for once."

"Did I already do something wrong in the mere three hours that I've been here now?" Robin chuckled to herself as she followed Snape through the classroom and then also through the door to his office indeed.

"Most likely, but that isn't the point." He replied and lit the candles in the room before closing the door behind Robin. "The classroom is freezing after being empty the entire summer. The office simply is warmer."

"I hadn't noticed." Robin shrugged, and went to make the promised coffee while Snape sat down not behind his desk, but at the second table in the room that would leave room for Robin to sit on the opposite side. Oh well… she wouldn't complain about that. "I had rather missed the cold anyway."

"Wasn't the Scottish coast chilly enough for you?" He mused in what must be a tease, but Robin couldn't see his expression to confirm it. Obviously she'd underestimated his skills at solving mysteries, or maybe overestimated the mystery behind her postcard in the first place.

"It was a lovely vacation, but unfortunately too short." She thus sighed with a smile, and turned around with the two hot drinks in hands to take her seat opposite of him at last. "And it really was quite chilly in a thirty year old tent on top of a rainy cliff at times."

"Is that your family's idea of having a holiday?" He rose an eyebrow at her, and then took a sip of his coffee. How he could even drink it while it still was this hot was another mystery, this time one for Robin, who however had no intention to solve it.

"God no." She laughed instead and shook her head to herself as she peered down into the swirling black liquid in her own cup. "My parents don't do vacations. When they take time off from work, it's usually because they have to, and they use it to sit in their study all day to do more work."

"Then how did you convince them to take a trip to the coast this year?" The sincerely curious look was back on his face when Robin looked up at him, and she only now realized that they rarely talked about personal things like this. And while Robin didn't usually like talking about her parents or her dreadful life outside of school, she didn't mind with him. Maybe because he was the only person she knew who would at least judge her openly.

"I didn't. I decided to take a two week camping trip by myself, and they had no objections." She shrugged. "But really, I had the choice between sitting around alone in an empty Oxford row house or being out in the world and nature by myself. So… it's not really that much of a surprise that I went alone. It was probably even better that way, my parents and I aren't exactly close."

"Is that why they have never even sent you a letter for Christmas, ever since you've been attending this school?" He wondered, and Robin wondered in return why he knew of that. Maybe the head of the house always knew about the Christmas mail their students received? She had no idea.

"That's nothing worth mentioning, really… They never send me anything for my birthday either." She tried to justify their actions by making it appear like a normal thing, but it ended up only sounding even worse now, and she immediately felt guilty for putting her family in such a bad light. "I mean… They're just very busy with their work and don't particularly care about their own birthdays either. And I  _ do  _ get money for Christmas every year, once I return home in the summer. They're actually being very gracious usually, they even paid for my vacation and the classes I sometimes take during summer… And I'm allowed to do anything I want, basically. They know that I can take good care of myself in any situation. I probably have more freedom than anyone else my age, but then again, I would like to think that I'm also better at taking care of myself than any of them."

"You most definitely are." Snape mused in agreement, and looked at Robin in silence for a moment, before he spoke on with a frown. "Say, did you show them the photo of the conference?"

"Yeah, I did…"

"And?"

"Same answer as always, I suppose. 'That's nice, sweetie' is usually the most elaborate reaction I can get out of them. But they were actually pretty content with me attending a conference in the first place, even though I don't think they ever took it seriously."

"What do you mean?"

"Potions, or magic in general. They don't take it seriously. My dad wasn't too happy about me coming to Hogwarts in the first place, saying that it would ruin my chances of ever attending a proper university, and my mom simply doesn't care about what I do as long as it doesn't get me killed." Robin shrugged, then sighed. "I've kinda given up on trying to tell them what we do here in the first place. Every time I try, I just get a stupid comment in return, about how it's probably not even a real education I'm getting here. They think magic tricks and circus life rather than academia and opportunities they cannot understand."

"Pity." His reply entirely lacked the sarcasm that usually accompanied the word when he said it, but instead it conveyed honest regret this time. "However I believe that you do not need them or their acceptance to know your worth. You fare better without empowering them to influence your emotions on the mere basis of kinship. They are fools if they refuse to see your talent and appreciate your passion. You simply are better than them, and if they cannot accept that, it is their loss and not yours."

Robin finally looked up from her coffee once more and offered Snape a small, appreciating smile. "You really think so?"

"Obviously." 

"But they've taken good care of me for sixteen years, I was never in need of anything… There's so many people who aren't as lucky. I just… feel like I'm not being grateful if I allow myself to be indifferent to them."

"You are aware that caring for someone, and even taking care of someone, extends beyond meeting their basic needs, yes?" He raised his eyebrows in a pointed expression. "Letting you live in a nice house and buying you whatever you want is  _ not  _ caring for you."

His statement caused Robin to feel hot and cold at once, loved and unloved at the same time, appreciated and neglected, and the ambivalence of those feelings took her ability to form any kind of reply. She wanted to agree with him, even knew that he was right, but thinking so also made her feel wrong. This wasn't the kind of conversation she'd expected to have tonight.

"Maybe you would like a cup of tea instead of coffee for once?" He asked after a moment, in a calm tone instead of the previous sharp one, and Robin just nodded a moment before her cup was taken out of her hands. She still couldn't help staring at the wooden tabletop, for her mind needed the capacity usually used for outside functioning to process what had been said, and what it had caused her to feel.

A few minutes later, a cup of steaming tea was placed in front of her and she finally could bring herself to put the turmoil to rest. Working through what she felt for her parents versus what she  _ should  _ feel for them was an issue for another moment. Now she simply wanted to appreciate the time with the person she actually knew her feelings for.

"Thank you." She said, first of all, and observed Snape as he sat back down in his previous place. "And sorry."

"Not for that."

Robin returned a sincere smile, then took a careful sip of tea, and her eyes widened in surprise at the delicate taste. "This isn't the usual tea they serve around here, is it? It's way too good for that."

"It's a personal blend. Let's see what you can identify, shall we?" He raised his eyebrows again, in a way that made it abundantly clear to Robin that he wanted her to guess. Her smile widened for a moment before she took another sip.

"I taste green tea, obviously, but also mint, a subtle ting of rose, and lemon… And if I may make an educated guess, I believe there's also lavender in there." She concluded with a proud smile and her own eyebrows rose in return. "How was that, huh?"

"Surprisingly close, but not entirely correct."

"Damnit…" She sighed, but the smile stayed. "What did I get wrong?"

"It is lime, not lemon." 

"Oh geez, that's unfair." Robin groaned and shook her head. "I was  _ thinking  _ of the green one! I keep confusing them…"

"You can tell apart Abraxan hair from Granian hair, but you confuse lemons and limes?" 

"...Yes?" She replied with a small frown and bit her bottom lip to keep from laughing, especially as he didn't even try to hide his snort in return. Well, he  _ did  _ try, but it wasn't even anywhere close to working, and thus Robin finally gave in and simply laughed. To her surprise, he laughed too.

"Maybe I'll finally remember which one is which, now that it's embarrassed me." Robin finally said once her voice came out without broken chuckles.

"I'd rather you can tell unusual ingredients apart than fruit, but both would be ideal, yes." Snape replied as neutrally as he could. "Now, about the issue I already addressed in my letter to you…"

"You mean me assisting you with your work?" 

"Indeed, and me teaching you in return. I assume you approve of the suggestion?"

"Of course! I was absolutely delighted after reading your letter, even though I deemed it more of an order than a suggestion."

"It was an order I hoped you would approve of."

"I do approve, as much as I possibly can." Robin smiled at him in both amusement and sincere happiness. "It's quite surreal, to be allowed to work with you."

"It is indeed. I always chose to work by myself until now, and despite the headmaster's wishes I have never agreed to tutor any of the students or even the staff."

"I certainly feel special now." Robin chuckled in an attempt to make a joke that really was just deep honesty, and meanwhile tried to keep the heat on her face from becoming too obvious. 

"You should." Was all he replied for a moment, more to himself than to Robin though, and then emptied his by now surely cold coffee.

"I'll do my very best to warrant being an exception to you." She stated in a more secure voice after a moment. "I really do want this with all my heart and mind." Only once the words were past her lips she realized how what she had said might sound, but her worry was nipped in the bud.

"I know." He replied calmly, but with another enigmatic expression. "And I appreciate it."

"Good." Her worry turned into a soft smile, which she directed at the now empty teacup in front of her though. After a few seconds she finally was able to gather her wits and thus found herself able to bring her insides back into being solid once more, as opposed to the mushy goo of tingles he had turned them into moments before. "So, how exactly do we go about it? I mean… what will we be doing, or when? What do you expect of me?"

"I expect nothing of you that you are not already doing anyway." He started, and sat up a little straighter, which Robin unintentionally mimicked. "I suggest you come to the classroom in the evenings as usual, and once both your paperwork and mine is done, we relocate any further studies into the laboratory."

"I very much approve." Robin couldn't help the small, excited grin that came onto her lips. 

"I didn't ask for your approval." Snape drawled in the usual feignedly superior manner, and rose an eyebrow at her.

"But you still expected me to give it." 

"I did indeed."

"You shouldn't be surprised if I actually do something you want me to do, you know." Robin couldn't help the smirk, and she even got one in return before he got up and moved to make more coffee to hide the expression.

"Right now I want you to stop sassing me. And tell me if you would like coffee or tea." He ordered in his bossy professor-tone, but the mere fact that he was using it for such an inquiry as her choice of beverage made Robin almost laugh again.

"I'd like tea, please." She replied with as little amusement as possible, but a moment later her smirk dropped off her face as she watched with a frown how he returned to the table with only his own coffee.

"You shouldn't be surprised if I  _ don't _ do something you want me to do, you know." He mused with an almost pointedly innocent expression, and took a sip of his coffee as if he hadn't just… done that.

Robin's jaw dropped, but her grin returned at the same time and she had to admit her defeat. She couldn't get over the fact that he had sassed her back, and was obviously feeling quite smug for doing so now. At least she wouldn't be defeated without some final sarcasm. "I sincerely apologise for so rudely assuming that you would do something as degrading as meeting my expectations."

"Apology accepted. Now make yourself some tea or I won't be able to enjoy my coffee. And believe me, you do not want to risk that." 

"I would never." Robin replied as exaggeratedly serious as she could, but she had to smile nonetheless as she got up to prepare herself some tea indeed. The idea that he actually wouldn't enjoy his coffee as much if she didn't have something in return made her heart leap up a bit too high, but she ignored it as always and simply stayed in the here and now as she sat back down with her cup in hand. After a moment of mutual but comfortable silence, she had another thought that made her smile. "Would you now like to hear the entire story of how I told a room full of professional potioneers that they were clearly and undeniably wrong?"

"How could I resist?" He mused with a not-smirk, then took a sip of his coffee with an almost content expression. "Go ahead. You have my utmost attention."

… … …

The next month and a half passed like the last soft breezes of summer. Robin noticed how the people in her grade got increasingly nervous about the OWLs they would all have to take at the end of the term, and the classes also were more demanding than they had been in the previous years. But still it was very much manageable for Robin to keep up with her high standards for her classwork and yet always find enough time to spend in the laboratory. And that was what most of her efforts went into indeed. 

Snape was the only person she'd ever met who had equally high standards for his work as she did for hers, and thus there was never much room for anything but the strive for precision and perfection on both their ends. They'd fairly quickly discovered this to be an almost ideal common ground for their work and teaching, and it had been a silent agreement from then on to appreciate each other's work ethic in their many similarities, and respect it in their few differences. Surprisingly enough, the differences soon were entirely absent, even though neither had consciously adapted to the other.

Unlike the last time they had worked on a potion together, Snape spent almost no time scolding Robin for the mistakes she made (unless they truly were ridiculously stupid, even in Robin's eyes). Instead he merely showed her how to do correctly what she was doing wrong in his eyes, and how to do better what she was doing correctly already. The more Robin improved the faster they were done with Snape's work, which either left them to graciously stock up on the infirmary's supplies in healing potions, or simply to experiment. 

That shortage of mandatory work is also what Robin believed to be the reason why Snape finally agreed to try out the healing potion Robin had noted down at the conference. She'd asked him to do it before, in the very beginning of their working together, but he had been quick to decline her request for the sole reason that trying out another wizard's unrefined invention was about as unpredictable as it could get and thus nothing suitable for a school. Even if reluctantly, Robin had had to agree with his reasoning, and thus refrained from asking again. But now, two weeks into October, he was the one suggesting that they might just as well try it out together so that Robin wouldn't do it by herself and possibly harm anyone. It was a poor excuse to justify his change of mind, but Robin knew that Snape knew that she knew that indeed, and so they both simply moved past any legitimization for their common curiosity and just got started with the preparations. 

It wouldn't take them long to actually make the potion itself, they'd discovered that much at first sight, but it  _ would  _ take a long list of uncommon ingredients paired with a rather difficult process of putting them all together. Luckily enough, they'd been able to gather all the ingredients within a mere week, and all that was missing now was the Plangentine, which Robin still wanted to replace the Varilion with. She was convinced that she'd seen some growing in the forest by the lake, it was a fairly common plant after all (if one only knew what to look for), but she only thought of that once she lay in bed on Monday night. Oh well… she could always tell Snape tomorrow evening if she didn't see him before then. They were in no hurry to make the potion, only curious if Robin's replacement of the Varilion would actually work. Snape had already said on the night of the welcoming feast that he believed her to be right about it, but he also didn't know for sure. So they would just have to see what happened, and let that discovery be part of a mutual learning process for once. Robin couldn't help feeling excited for tomorrow. 

But for now she closed her eyes with a smile, and fell asleep in the sincere believe that tomorrow would just be another Tuesday. 


	28. Changing Tides -  Part 3

Robin woke up to her alarm the next morning, bright and early as usual. Or so she thought, at least, until she saw the brightly grinning faces of her two roommates right above her. With a groan, she closed her eyes for another second.

"What time is it?" She managed to mumble into her pillow, and finally blinked up at the two girls who had now taken residence on the far end of her bed.

"Six thirty." Cas replied happily, and Robin groaned again.

"You've officially stolen half an hour of my sleep." She sighed as she turned onto her back and then sat up with a very much tired face and an even more tired mind. "Half an hour might not sound like a lot to you, but it  _ is  _ when one's up with Snape all night." The two girls merely giggled at Robin's admittedly thoughtless statement, and thus made her groan again as she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. "You know perfectly well what I mean! Working until god knows when is bloody exhausting…" 

When her mind finally was somewhere near awake and her eyes also able to actually see beyond a blurry sheen, she noticed that both girls were still sitting at the end of her bed with grinning faces. "What's even going on that you actually dare to wake me up?"

Both girls exchanged a mysterious look, then Jorien placed a small, neatly wrapped present in Robin's lap. "Happy birthday!!!" Cas said at the same time and both girls started grinning again like they had won the lottery.

For a moment, Robin felt shocked, then confused, and finally very much overwhelmed. "It's… it's the twentieth already?" 

"Obviously." Jorien shrugged with a smile, and Robin was determined that the girl had picked up that habit from her and not from Snape. It might still originate from him, but she took too much pride in being a role model to blame it all on him.

"Wow…" Robin finally breathed with a smile, looking first at the present, then at the two girls. "Thank you, both of you. It's been quite a while since anyone has congratulated me on my birthday."

"What?!" Cas replied immediately, with a deep frown on her face. "You mean besides your family and friends, right?"

"No, I mean in general." Robin shrugged, but her smile stayed. This was actually making her happier than she had expected, and there was nothing that could take that from her now. "My parents don't celebrate birthdays, and I don't have any other family or friends who would have thought of it."

"That's cruel of them." Jorien said quietly and her smile turned into a smaller, sadder one. "I'm very sorry that they don't appreciate you like we do. Because we really do. Appreciate you, I mean. As a roommate, and a tutor and a friend."

"Yeah, I absolutely agree!" Cas added with an almost exasperated face. "Does that mean you also didn't get any presents in the last years?!"

Jorien rolled her eyes at her friend and shoved her to the side, which made Robin chuckle. They were so different in the way they were similar and yet they were best friends. It was truly admirable.

"No, I haven't gotten a present in a while." Robin admitted, and immediately had to think of the piece of the book page Snape had given to her a few Christmases ago. It hadn't really been a present, but she still carried it in her locket and treated it as such. She wouldn't tell her roommates that though. "But I'm very excited to see what you have gotten me. May I open it, or do you want me to wait?"

"Open it up already! I wanna see if you like it." Cas grinned immediately and both girls watched attentively as Robin untied the green bow and unwrapped the paper to reveal a small box. Gosh, she hadn't unwrapped a present in ages… the excitement of it was actually quite delightful.

"You've gotten me a box?" Robin teased them with a feigned frown, and both girls rolled their eyes as they laughed nonetheless. With an equally excited smile, Robin opened the lid and her gaze fell onto a seemingly tangled pile of different materials. Upon a closer inspection, she discovered that it actually was three bracelets which she picked up out of the box one by one. The first was made of dark green and black fabric, like a friendship bracelet, but with a more intricate pattern.

"I made it myself. We thought that black and green are the house colors, but you also wear them a lot, so… you must like them too." Cas grinned happily a second later, giving an explanation for the piece.

"It's perfect. Thank you." Robin replied and tied it around her wrist with a smile. 

The second bracelet she went to inspect was made out of black string as well, but it wasn't knotted and instead held together tiny, round shells in a row.

"I… made that one." Jorien said once Robin went to put it on as well. "The shells come from the black lake. They're the smallest ones Professor Sprout could think of that I could gather without going for a dive."

"That's amazing, I cannot believe you guys went through so much effort just for me." Robin smiled at both of them in as much gratitude as she could consciously come up with, but she also still felt quite overwhelmed. If it wasn't for her wish to let the girls know just how thankful she felt for their present, she probably just would've shut off her outside display of emotions entirely to focus on the joy on the inside. It was an odd situation to be given a present like that after all, especially one that actually had  _ thought  _ in it.

"You haven't looked at the third one yet!" Cas smirked mischievously, and that sufficed to make Robin smile in all honesty despite the overflow of emotions already running through her brain.

The third bracelet in the box wasn't self-made like the other two, but consisted of a rather sturdy chain with something that upon first sight looked like a metal coin in the middle. Yet, once Robin took the piece of jewelry out of the box, she realized that it wasn't actually a coin, but an ornamented emblem. The very same one as on her locket, and obviously just as ancient. Robin's lips parted as she stared at the delicate piece of jewelry in her hand, then at the two girls on her bed.

"Where did you find this? How?" She asked in surprise, and a hint of wonder. "I mean… I didn't even know you knew of my locket."

"What locket?" Cas asked in mild confusion that immediately got Robin to frown as well. Jorien however shoved Cas in the side once more and gave her a pointed glare. 

" _ This _ locket." Robin pulled her necklace over her Queen t-shirt, and both girls leaned forward to take a look at it. "You didn't even know I had this?"

"Uh…" Cas gave Jorien an insecure look, who rolled her eyes in return but mentioned for her friend to just go ahead already, which the blond girl did in an instant. "No, we uh… we actually didn't know that you had a locket with the same emblem." 

"Either this is the biggest coincidence in the history of coincidences then, or you're not telling me everything." Robin gave them a pointed look, but it was accompanied by a smile. They hadn't done anything wrong after all, but she knew that they weren't telling her the whole story. And Robin was desperately curious.

"You see, this-..." Cas started, but she didn't get far at all.

"We're not supposed to tell her!" Jorien sighed even though she seemed rather unhappy about it herself.

"It's her birthday, I don't care that we're not  _ supposed _ to tell her!" Cas complained and rolled her eyes at her friend. "With whom does your loyalty lie?!"

"With Robin, obviously!" Jorien frowned in return, and sighed. "Alright… do tell her then."

"I am listening." Robin replied in amusement, and went to clasp the third bracelet around her wrist as well. She had never been one to wear a lot of jewelry, but she had the feeling that she would keep wearing these three pieces just like she had done with the locket. They all were meaningful, even if she still had to unveil the meaning of this last band.

"As I was saying, this third bracelet just… appeared one day. I mean, Jorien found it on her bed a few weeks ago, wrapped in a piece of parchment with a note on it." Cas shrugged. "We have no idea who it's from; we've been trying to guess for weeks now, but with no result. It must've been one of the Slytherins though, if they got in here."

"That's interesting indeed… What made you decide to give it to me instead of keeping it for yourself?" Robin inquired and placed the now empty box and the wrapping paper on her nightstand to cross her legs under the covers like the two others did on top.

"The note was very precise about it being for you and for nobody else." Jorien replied with an equally clueless look. "It actually was what made us aware of when your birthday is in the first place."

"Ah, I was wondering how you knew that it was today anyway. I can't remember telling you about it." Robin smiled. "Do you still have the note? Maybe I can shed some light on your mystery."

Cas jumped off the bed immediately, even before Jorien could, and dug through the drawer of the nightstand next to the only empty bed. It had turned into somewhat of a common ground, but more so for the two younger girls than for Robin. She was quite content with the space she had to herself. Half a minute later, Cas returned and dropped down on the bed again, causing the mattress to bounce up and down while she handed Robin the note. 

"Well, let's see…" She mused, and unfolded the paper with a very prominent idea about its origin in mind already that she only hoped to confirm now. And she could, without any doubt, as her eyes scanned the uncharacteristically neat but still very much familiar scrawled handwriting. Her lips curled into the widest smile as she read.

_ Robin's birthday is on the 20th of October. Make sure that she feels cared for on this day, you certainly will agree with me that she deserves that much at the very least. Ensure that she receives the object accompanying this note, it is meant for her alone. Please do not tell her about my involvement, it isn't of importance. _

That was all it said. Robin looked up from the note towards her roommates, who were now looking both hopeful and a little nervous. Her smile dimmed down at their mixed expressions. "Why are you two looking so worried?"

"I don't want you to feel less appreciated just because someone else told us they care for you too and want you to have a nice day." Jorien shrugged, and Cas nodded. "We didn't give you a present because we felt like we had to, but because we honestly do care for you a lot! You know that, right?"

"Of course I know!" Robin smiled at them encouragingly, and hopefully somewhat reassuringly too. "And I'm very grateful for the gesture, VERY happy about your amazing present and I do feel very much cared for. This already is the best birthday ever, thanks to my three favorite people."

"Even though our presents can't keep up with the fancy one?" Cas asked with a doubtful frown, and Robin wanted to sigh at their worry. If only they could understand how much she appreciated them indeed, not for their presents but for their effort.

"They all hold a different meaning to me, but I adore all three of them just the same." She replied truthfully. "You know I never lie, so you might as well believe me."

"True…" Cas' frown turned into a small smile. "And after all, they actually look pretty great together!"

Robin looked at her newly decorated wrist and smiled as she traced each of her three gifts with her fingers. "I have to agree, they do fit together rather lovely."

"I'm really glad you think so, Jorien was being very annoying about it all fitting together." Cas teased, and earned herself another shove from her friend and a chuckle from Robin.

"So, do you have any idea who the note and the bracelet might be from?" Jorien asked while Cas still tried to shove her back, but seeing as she failed to do so she also chose to listen instead.

"I believe I know who they are from indeed." The wide smile returned to Robin's face, and the flutter to her heart. 

"And?!" Both girls asked at once, while their curiosity was tangible in the entire room.

"It's from my best friend." Robin's smile turned into a sheepish grin, which she directed down at her hands in her lap though. Saying this felt both very much right and yet wrong at the same time. He was her best friend, undeniably and undoubtedly, but also the person she had been crushing on for well over a year now. If crushing even was still the appropriate term for it. And to him, she was neither of that. Which was absolutely fine, really, she wasn't complaining, not even to herself. It just made her feel a little bit weird to consider someone her best friend who maybe, if she was lucky, barely even considered her bearable in return at all. Not nearly weird enough to let it tone down her smile however.

"And… your best friend couldn't just give you a birthday present in person?" Cas inquired in her usual doubtful tone, giving Robin a questioning look along with it.

"Not this one, no." Robin chuckled. "His present isn't that bracelet, that's another issue entirely. It's getting you two idiots to make my birthday the happiest in years."

"Hey!" Cas protested with a laugh. "We're not idiots!"

"To him, pretty much everyone is an idiot." Robin shrugged with a smirk. "Even me."

"Sounds like he would get along really well with Professor Snape."

Robin couldn't help laughing at that. "Actually, I believe they don't like each other all that much." That was only true, really. The many faces of that man didn't always go hand in hand with each other, and Robin had seen them in conflict often enough. Over time it had gotten significantly less frequent however, especially around her, and especially when they were alone.

"Well, let's do what your friend wants us to do then!" Jorien declared, and finally shoved Cas off the bed entirely, with a smirk on her face. "Let's make your birthday the happiest in years."

… … … 

Instead of going to the great hall for breakfast as always, Jorien and Cas led Robin to the kitchens with those same mischievous smiles that made Robin shake her head but follow them anyway. As it seemed, Robin enjoyed an impeccable reputation among the house elves ever since she had given Buttercup the Twirl and the 'order' to share it with her fellows, and thus the kitchen staff had been more than happy to comply to the two young girls' request to make Robin a special breakfast for the occasion. She ate by herself though, as Cas and Jorien wanted her to enjoy her alone time before the school day and retreated to the great hall themselves, leaving Robin sitting at a small table in the kitchens. In all honesty, Robin dearly appreciated eating without a couple hundred people in a noisy hall for once, and made sure the girls knew that she was very thankful for the lovely morning before she was left alone at last. 

The day of classes went by like any other from that point on: her housemates as well as most of her classmates ignored her, the professors on the other hand were as usual very nice (with the exception of Professor Morgan, who had been trying to find reasons to mock or scold Robin throughout the entire last year already and obviously continued to do so this term as well) and Robin hurried even more to finish all homework and assignments before the evening. She wanted to focus on getting the Plangentine tonight, hopefully while Snape was still doing his paperwork, so that they could  _ maybe  _ get started on the potion tonight already instead of tomorrow. It really was a happy birthday she was having, and from time to time throughout the day she peered down at the three bracelets around her wrist and smiled to herself with a soaring heart and the knowledge that at least three people in this world cared about her. In some way or the other. That was the best present she had ever received, immaterial and invaluable.

The next surprise of the day came shortly before dinner. It was still a little while until the meal would actually be served, but Robin had arrived early to do some homework beforehand, and thus she found herself sitting at the very end of the Slytherin table when she heard a not so quiet 'psst' from the head table, followed by Hagrid waving her over once she looked up.

With a half smile and a frown, Robin left her things at her own table and walked up to the head table rather awkwardly. A few professors were there already, others still absent, but it made Robin feel a little weird to walk up front like this, even if Hagrid wasn't a professor, technically. Quickly, Robin moved around to the side of the table where he was sitting, so that at least she didn't have to stand in between the head table and the students' tables in the open space but rather between the teachers' chairs and the large window.

"Ey! 'appy birthday to ya, Robin!" Hagrid cheered once she stood in front of him, and Robin let out a quiet laugh in return as he wrapped her into a bear hug. Hugs were a rare thing, and she appreciated them whenever she could.

"Thank you, that's very kind of you." She replied with a happy smile and just a subtle heat creeping up her neck once she was released from his grasp. She could only guess how he had come to know about her birthday… 

"Couldn't very well forget me best helper I ever had, eh?" He grinned, and pulled a large black feather out of the depths of his heavy coat. "Got somethin' for ya… Isn't the prettiest thing, a feather of a hippogriff, but the most ridiculous prices on the black market these things have! Must be good for somethin' then, I guess… You will know what to do with it, with all ya book smarts."

Robin carefully took the large feather out of his equally large hand, and brushed over the delicate object with gentle fingers in a moment of awe. "Wow, this is absolutely amazing. Thank you! These are hard to come by, because almost no hippogriff wants to part from them willingly and they only lose them very rarely… But they have a very wide range of uses indeed! It's a very valuable gift, are you certain you want me to have it?"

"Aye! Got me an entire box of these, hardly ever had much use for them though… Don't tell anyone I said that, will ya?" He gave Robin one of those funny regretful expressions, and she had to chuckle at the sight.

"I won't tell anyone about your stash, I promise." She replied with a wide smile, and held the feather to her chest in a protective gesture. It would soon join her other precious items inside her locket.

"Ah, Miss Mitchell!" Now it was Professor Sprout's voice that made Robin turn around, just as the herbology professor came walking over to take the seat next to the gamekeeper. "Happy birthday, I hope you had a pleasant day, dear."

"Thank you, professor. I had a lovely day, actually." Robin replied with a smile, and moved out of the way so the woman could take her seat. Honestly, who else knew that it was her birthday?! Throughout the day, neither Flitwick nor Trelawney nor Morgan had known, or simply not cared, and the students obviously shared either of those sentiments as well. Maybe she should just ask them? Would it be rude? But then again… both persons in front of her already knew that she was  _ direct  _ sometimes. 

"If I may ask, how come you two are even aware that it's my birthday?" She asked curiously, keeping her tone polite and respectful though.

Hagrid nodded his head towards the herbology professor with a smile directed at Robin, and she understood where  _ his _ information had come from. That still left her wondering how Professor Sprout had learned of it though.

"I believe Professor Dumbledore himself mentioned it to me this morning." The woman shrugged with a smile, and then frowned at Robin. "Usually I notice things like this when students talk about it in class… However I believe I wasn't aware of your birthday before today."

"My birthday wasn't an actual event until today." Robin shrugged as well, and realized that her statement probably didn't make all too much sense to them without context, but she also didn't feel like providing any. "Anyway, I'm very happy that you two thought of me. It really means a lot. But perhaps I better get back to my table, I wouldn't want to bother you. And dinner should start any moment now."

With another few polite words, Robin said goodbye to Sprout and Hagrid, wishing them a nice evening, and then made her way back towards her own place. Just as she rounded the side of the head table however, the small side door flew open and Robin almost ran into the headmaster himself.

"Oh, my apologies, sir!" She brought out immediately, the surprise making her voice a bit more shallow than normal. "I… should've looked where I'm going."

"All is well, Miss Mitchell." He smiled that small, kind smile again and Robin couldn't help wondering if it was honest or not. If it was a facade, it was a brilliant one. "I see you received a new feather for your birthday, yes?"

Oh bloody hell, he knew too?! Right. Sprout had said he'd told her in the first place. "Yes, Hagrid was very gracious and gifted me the feather of a hippogriff. It's not a feather for writing, but… you probably knew that already. Sorry."

"If you allow me the question, what do you plan to do with it? I'm curious." 

"I will store it where I keep all things of value to me, until the time comes when I need it. Hidden away in a locket." She replied honestly, and wondered where this was going. It didn't sound like mere curiosity to her.

"A feather in a locket?" The old man raised his eyebrows at Robin in genuine interest, which made her wonder even more what the actual intention behind his questioning was. 

Unlike the last time she had meant to show someone the piece of jewelry, which she still had a very vivid memory of, she actually unclasped the necklace first and then held it out to the professor in front of her. "It's charmed. There's a lot of space in there, and it's the safest place I know."

Dumbledore took the piece of jewelry out of her hand, but his gaze also flickered to the bracelets on her wrist for a broken second before returning to the locket. After a moment of carefully studying the object, he returned it to Robin with a smile. "A beautiful piece. But you see, I wasn't quite frank with you in my questions' intention."

"I realized." She replied rather flatly before she could stop herself, but also refused to apologise.

"Did you? I should have known." His smile changed into a slightly more honest one. "I see you also possess the bracelet to match."

"It was gifted to me today, but I've had the locket for far longer." 

"Ever since… Professor Snape came to me with the request to remove the bracelet from the room of hidden things, I have been wondering why he had an interest in taking it. I assume he knew you possessed the matching piece, then?"

"I wear it every day, it's no secret, really." Robin shrugged, and tried to push the images of Snape and herself in the close proximity of him inspecting the emblem on her locket back in the room of hidden things out of her mind. "May I ask, why did he come to you before removing something from the room though?"

"The objects in the room of hidden things are, ultimately, school property. As such, it is for the headmaster to decide whether they may change hands if their provenance can no longer be ascertained."

"Interesting." Robin mused and frowned to herself for a moment. "So you cannot determine who the owner of the bracelet is?"

"I could not, which is why I left it to Severus. And seeing as he gave it to you, that would make you the rightful owner now." Dumbledore smiled again so very mildly, but his eyes were almost uncomfortably probing. He obviously didn't understand.

"You might be interested to know that… Professor Snape didn't actually give it to me as a gift, but rather ensured that I received it without being aware of his involvement." Robin stated then, in an attempt to make this entire thing sound more appropriate than it probably looked. She didn't want Snape to get into trouble… especially not for something that nobody but them could possibly understand correctly. "Most likely seems that he was merely trying to assist my roommates in finding a present for me, seeing as they couldn't acquire one elsewhere." That would have been a straight out lie, had it been phrased any differently. But it really did _ seem _ most likely, even if Robin knew that it wasn't the truth.

"I must admit I was under the impression that Severus had given it to you as a gift indeed." Dumbledore mused as he frowned to himself, and Robin felt the heat rising to her face at his disappointed tone. In the end, Snape  _ had _ given it to her as a gift, even if indirectly… even if he didn't want her to know, and even if she didn't want anyone else to know in return.

Before Robin could give a reply she was yet to think of anyway, the door behind Dumbledore was opened once again, and the very man in question almost ran into the headmaster's back. With an irritated scowl, Snape moved around them though, and his frown only deepened when he saw Robin as well. 

"Ah, Severus, just in time for dinner!" Dumbledore smiled at him like he had smiled at Robin moments before, and every trace of his previous frown or surprise was gone for good. His facades really were impeccable. "I was just wishing Miss Mitchell the happiest of birthdays, actually. You are aware that it's her birthday today, aren't you, Severus?" 

"Yes." Snape replied tersely, and Robin couldn't help wondering why Dumbledore was messing with him like this now. Were these two something like friends? Or did he have another motive? Oh well… who could fathom what the headmaster was up to at any point anyway?

"I, uh… I better sit back down for dinner now." Robin stated a little awkwardly, clasping the locket in one hand and the feather in the other. "If you would excuse me, headmaster…" She gave a courteous little nod to Dumbledore, then turned to Snape with an attempt at a half smile. "I'll see you after dinner?"

"Obviously."

Without spending another second in this awkward situation, Robin skipped down the few steps in front of the head table and sat back down where her things had been pushed together by some other students who had taken their places by now. Geez, that had been surprisingly uncomfortable; Snape wasn't an issue she wanted to discuss with anyone at all, and especially not with Professor Dumbledore. Even if he had reacted surprisingly bemused by the entire ordeal. Robin shook her head to herself as she put the feather into the locket at last, then tied it back around her neck just as dinner was served. 


	29. Changing Tides -  Part 4

Robin left the great hall to head back to her room even before dinner would officially be over, and seeing as Snape was still there when she made her exit, she should have some time before their usual meeting. With a content sigh, she dropped her backpack onto her bed, and then went to change out of her school uniform into something more comfortable instead. Just as she'd grabbed her backpack to head out again, her roommates almost threw the door into her face as they returned from dinner.

"Oh, hey Robin!" Cas grinned as she threw herself onto her bed with a racing speed. "First!"

"In case you didn't notice, I didn't even try." Jorien replied flatly as she walked towards her own bed and sat down more orderly.

"What are you two up to tonight?" Robin asked as she stood in the doorway, crossing her arms in front of her chest as she eyed the girls with risen eyebrows.

"NOTHING!" Cas groaned exaggeratedly and dropped onto her back with a bounce.

"Studying." Jorien shrugged in return and rolled her eyes at her friend one bed over.

"Ah, the same old then." Robin chuckled, but didn't want to straight out laugh at them, even though they were rather amusing in their antics. "Well, I'm off now. I'll be back late as always."

"Are you meeting someone special tonight?" Cas asked as she sat up again with lightning speed and with a very much ridiculous grin accompanied by wiggling eyebrows.

"What? No!" Robin snorted a little too bemusedly to be sincere and frowned at the girl in return. "I'm meeting Snape for studies. As always."

"Oh, right." Cas sighed and dropped back down onto her back. "Boring. How could I forget."

"Why did you think I was doing anything different tonight than what I've been doing for two months now?"

"It's probably just the shirt." Jorien pointed out before Cas could. "You've never worn one like this before, and it looks nice on you."

"It does?" Robin's eyebrows lifted even higher than before. It was just a shirt, really, she hadn't put much thought into what she'd put on, other than that it had to be comfortable. "Thank you, I guess… I bought it just this summer, and I haven't gotten to wear it at school yet. But there really isn't anything special about it."

"Jorien's right, it definitely  _ is  _ the shirt! Henley shirts make your collarbones stand out nicely, but you should consider wearing something other than black, grey or green for once. It makes you look pale." Cas commented with an expertise Robin hadn't known the possessed, and that also left her short of any suitable reply. 

"I… wasn't aware you're so knowledgeable in fashion questions." She finally brought out though, with a small laugh.

"I really got into it over summer!" Cas grinned in return. "If you ever need a shopping guide, you know who to ask."

"I'll remember that." Robin chuckled and offered both girls one last smile. "But I better get going now, birthday or not, Snape doesn't like lateness. Despite being usually late himself. Anyway, if you want to do yourselves a favor, study for transfigurations. McGonagall likes to have her classes write surprise tests somewhere around the end of October."

With that, Robin finally made her way through the soothingly dark hallway and towards the potions classroom. It was no distance, but she wasn't in a haste either. She'd finished her paperwork for today already, and that left her with quite a bit of time at hand before Snape himself would likely be ready to start on the potion. The door wasn't locked, and thus she let herself in even without knocking. All the way back in his office, Snape was just gathering some papers and notebooks as Robin made her way to her usual seat at the side table.

"Hey." She sighed, once he finally stepped out into the class as well and moved to sit behind his desk.

"You're early." He replied as he set up his work for the evening, while Robin merely watched.

"Yeah, I was kind of trying to escape a conversation about my t-shirt." Robin sighed even louder, but then couldn't help chuckling as he frowned at her words and inspected the mentioned piece of clothing for two seconds before turning back to his work.

"What, pray tell, would be worth discussing about it?" He asked, surprising Robin only mildly by actually showing interest in something as pathetic as her choice of outfit.

"Do you really care to know?" Robin smiled in amusement, raising an eyebrow at him which he probably couldn't see though, as intently focused on his paperwork as he was.

"You started the topic, now you ought to finish it."

"Well, Jorien said it looks nice on me, and Cas believes that the style of shirt makes my collarbones stand out, while the dark colors however make me look too pale. You might be able to imagine that this wasn't a conversation I wanted to indulge in." Robin still couldn't hide her amusement. This wasn't a conversation he would want to be having either, and she knew it even without any reaction. But he'd wanted her to tell, and thus she had.

"I disagree."

"What?" Now her own brows furrowed as well, and she couldn't quite tell what exactly he was disagreeing with.

"Dark colors do suit you."

"Oh…" Robin could hear her own heartbeat in her ears, along with the rushing of her blood. It was drowning out almost anything else. "Thank you."

"Will you ever start doing your paperwork tonight? Or do you no longer wish to get started with the healing potion experiment?" The change of topic was intentional, and that was rather obvious in his tone indeed. Snape had gotten better at accepting Robin's words of thankfulness when they concerned their work or studies, but they still weren't near a place where he was fine with accidentally saying something nice. 

"Of course I want to get started with the potion!" Robin replied immediately, in mild protest only. "That's why I finished all my paperwork already."

"Didn't you have anything better to do on your birthday than studying?"

"No." Robin replied with a new smirk. "There's hardly ever anything better to do than studying. But I  _ did  _ spend some time receiving gifts and congratulations, if that's what you mean."

"Did you receive anything worth mentioning?"

"It all is worth mentioning! I was given three gorgeous bracelets, a black hippogriff's feather and a lovely breakfast by myself." She smiled down at her hands, folded on the top of her table, and let the memory of receiving each brighten up her smile a little bit more.

"A hippogriff's feather?"

"Yes. Hagrid gave it to me, he thought it might be of more use to me than it is to him."

"Those are very valuable."

"I know… I told him that much, but he insisted that I have it." Robin said and then looked up at Snape with an almost inquiring expression. "However I couldn't help wondering how half of the staff came to know that it was my birthday today."

"How curious indeed."

"Someone obviously must've told them…" She half mused, half prompted, and observed the potions professor with a curious expression in return.

"It certainly wasn't me." He scoffed with badly feigned scorn, and kept pretending to focus on the papers on the desk. Well, if he wanted to have this conversation like that, Robin would go along with it.

"I'm kind of led to doubt your honesty in this." She replied easily. "You're the only person who even  _ knows _ when my birthday is, and Dumbledore mentioned that-..."

"He did?"

"He did."

"That old fool will hear from me about this." He grumbled, but still didn't spare Robin a single glance. "Would you believe me if I told you it had absolutely nothing to do with you?"

"Nope."

"In that case, I merely tried to win an argument."

"How so?"

"In proving to you that being cared for extends beyond materialism. Your peers and even the staff seem to actually care for you if they sought to make your day enjoyable." 

"Yeah, that seems to be the case." Robin smiled warmly, and smirked as she noticed how he wasn't even reading anymore. "I will consider myself successfully proven wrong, then."

"How  _ gracious _ of you. Will you let this issue go now?" 

"Do you want me to?"

"Obviously."

"Well, you shouldn't be surprised if I  _ don't _ do something you want me to." Robin couldn't help herself, and especially couldn't keep the tease to herself.

"And you shouldn't be surprised if I give you detention one of these days for  _ repeatedly  _ sassing me."

"And what's that gonna do? I spent all of my time down here anyway, it's hardly a punishment for me."

"I could assign you every and any dreadful task I please."

"Don't you do that already though?"

" _ Stop. Sassing. Me. _ "

"Or what?" The smirk was in Robin's voice now as well as on her lips, and she leaned back in her chair with raised eyebrows. She wouldn't even mind getting detention for this, honestly. It was too much fun messing with him.

"Or I will distract you from your work with snarky comments in return."

" _ Don't you do that already though _ ?" 

"You are insufferable." Snape scoffed in half real, and half feigned annoyance, rolling his eyes at the parchment beneath his fingertips. "I have no idea why I even bother with you."

"Because as much as you pretend to despise me, you still like me better than all of the other dunderheads." Robin smirked, and only felt very subtly uncomfortable for making such a bold assumption. But he  _ had  _ to like her better than most other students in some way, or he wouldn't bother with her indeed. 

"I most certainly do not." He protested, but it didn't sound convincing at all. In fact, he had rarely seemed so entirely unconvinced of his own statement.

"Alright." Robin sighed easily in return, rose to her feet, and made for the door without further ado.

"Where are you going?" His eyes finally lifted to stare at her in an instant, and she halted in front of the door to turn back around. The frown on his face very much gave away his irritation, while his tone betrayed him equally to reveal just a subtle hint of panic.

"To a place where you won't have to bother with me anymore." She replied with a small but honest smile, and his frown only deepened at the juxtaposition of her positive expression and the words she had said.

"You  _ know  _ I did not mean that." Snape said in a scolding tone, but Robin guessed that he likely just didn't know how to approach the situation any other way without giving away what he actually thought. She felt a little bad for messing with him… maybe she would apologise for it later. But she had something else to do now.

"Of course I know. But someone's got to go and get the Plangentine, and I intentionally finished my paperwork early so I could do just that now." She said calmly, kindly, in the hope that it would convey the change from joke to seriousness. "I believe I saw some down in the forest by the lake, and since they only can be gathered at night, I was hoping you would let me do that right now while you still have work to do anyway."

"Are you certain you want to go out there by yourself? The forest is a dangerous place at night, and saving a few galleons on flowers is hardly worth taking a risk for."

"I'm very certain. As I said, I will merely go into the part of the forest by the lake, not the forbidden one. I'll be back even before you finish grading those papers." She gave him her best reassuring expression, feeling only glad that he was back to neutral now instead of irritated and mildly panicked or grumbling and scowling. Maybe she would have to be more careful in her sassing in the future… the last thing she wanted was to push him too far.

"It would indeed be useful to have the Plangentine tonight already, I do admit that. Be careful, yes?"

"Of course." Robin gave him another small smile, then slipped out the door into the hallway. As she made her way up the spiral staircase, she let her fingers brush over her wand that was safely hidden in her sleeve, just to be sure that she really was prepared for any instance. She didn't want a repetition of the helplessness she'd experienced a year ago, especially since she'd left her backpack in the classroom with Snape. 

With quick steps, Robin made her way through the silent castle and finally out into the night. It was fairly cold, and she rolled her eyes when she realized that she should've brought a jacket, but then again she wouldn't be out here for long anyway. Going back now would take longer than going ahead, so she took the first few steps away from the castle and sighed instinctively when she was wrapped into the distant sound of rustling leaves and the earthy smell of wet soil. The night really was an eternal paradise for the troubled mind.

After a few minutes of following the path towards the forest however, darkness constantly wrapping Robin into a thicker blanket that robbed her senses, the calm made way for an eerie feeling, the kind of tension one experiences when being watched. In an instant she had her wand tightly clasped in her hand, wasting but a thinking second on blaming it for turning clammy with the pace of her nerves, and her eyes scanned the darkness around her. Nothing. Only the unlit castle towering on top of the hill behind, and the black wall of equally towering trees ahead. With a frown and a significant increase in her heartbeat, Robin pushed the unease away and skipped further down the unevenly graveled path. The faster she got those flowers, the sooner she would be back in the safety of the dungeons. It was ridiculous how the hairs in her neck refused not to stand on high alert, how her mind was spooked by the shadows she was part of. She'd never been afraid of the darkness, especially not the calm of nature wrapped in layers of it! But something was undeniably bugging her subconsciousness right now, something she couldn't put her finger to. As she reached the point where the path split to lead into the forbidden part of the forest on one end and further down towards the lake on the other, she finally had enough. In an instant she stopped in her track and stood perfectly still for a moment to simply listen. Rustling leaves, the icy blow of the wind… a subtle scratch of stone against stone. Without a word, she turned into the direction of the latter and sent a repelling spell at whoever or whatever had dared to sneak up on her. 

A yelp, a thud, and a groan followed right after her spell had hit its target with an accuracy Robin was only lucky to have had, and her breath caught in her through for a broken second. Then however, her wand still raised, she skidded down the hill off her chosen path, making for the direction her ominous opponent had been catapulted into, and inevitably coming closer to the wall of trees that marked the line between forbidden forest and open hillside. The very moment her eyes fell upon the heap on the ground that slowly sorted itself out to rise back to their feet, she wanted to groan her annoyance out into the night. Expensive looking but undeniably cheap robes glistened in the moonlight, and Robin tugged her wand back into the sleeve of her shirt before it could be taken from her.

"How dare you!" The breathless voice of none other than Damion Morgan reached Robin's ears even before she could see his faces. "HOW DARE YOU attacking me!"

"Well, you shouldn't sneak up on me like that in the middle of the night, professor." Robin replied casually, with a small shrug. She honestly couldn't even bring herself to feel guilty about it; he really was rather lucky that she'd only used a repelling spell on him and not something actually harmful.

"Don't you dare talking back to me now!" He spat, and even in the darkness Robin could see the rage on his face. "I followed you out here, because I  _ finally  _ caught you in the very act! You were sneaking out into the forest, it's undeniable at this point! Probably to… to work who knows which horrors!"

Robin rolled her eyes at his exaggeration, and at his prevailing desperation to get her into trouble over any possible thing at all. He'd been trying ever since the thing with the occlumency, but after the thunderstorm of terror Snape must've unleashed upon him after the incident with the self-made curses last year, Morgan's attempts had gotten more subtle yet also more desperate. Only that he'd never actually caught her doing something wrong. Neither would he tonight. 

"I'm sure this looks like a true felony to you, but that unfortunately isn't the case." She replied almost too sweetly, in the most disgusting innocence she could forge her voice into. "I am merely going down to the lake to gather samples of a nocturnal plant. With the very permission of Professor Snape, of course. You can ask him, if you please. He is grading essays in the potions classroom."

Without another word, Robin turned on her heel to head back towards the path that would lead her down to the lake where she was supposed to be now, but she didn't get further than a single step. Then the same strong grasp that had already bruised her wrist once before clasped her shoulder in a grip so tight that she let out an unintentional sound of pain.

"Oh no, you're not going anywhere!" He hissed, and tightened his hold on Robin's shoulder even though she didn't struggle in the slightest. It wouldn't be of use anyway, unless she planned to engage in a full blown fight, which this would definitely escalate into if one of them didn't start acting like an adult at last. And since Morgan obviously refused to do so, Robin rose to the part.

"We can return to the castle and speak to Professor Snape together, if you would prefer that.  _ Sir _ ." She stated as calmly as she could, and without the previous sass or mockery. It wouldn't lead them anywhere, and she couldn't see any advantage for herself should she anger him even more now. This wasn't defeat though, only being better than him.

"You would like that, wouldn't you?" Morgan scoffed, and forcefully turned Robin around by her shoulders so she faced the forest a mere couple steps ahead. "So that he can cover up for you yet again and put all blame for your mistakes on me? No, I don't think so. No one will speak to him tonight, neither you nor I. He clearly is biased when it comes to students of his own house, and as a loyal servant of this school and the headmaster himself, I see it as my duty to rectify this issue before it gets out of hand."

"You might want to reconsider that…" Robin replied, but she had absolutely no idea where this was going. The dark trees towered above her, they were all she could see, and the blackness of the forest as a whole. It drowned out even the whitest moonlight, leaving behind only a black wall indeed. And she stood facing it, held in place by a dimwit with an authority complex. What was it about her that pissed him off so much?! And what was it about the way he spoke now that finally sufficed to scare her?

"Bloody nonsense!" He snapped in return, and Robin didn't need to see his face to feel the anger radiating off him. "I've known students like you before, you won't learn until the right measures are taken. So that's what I'm finally going to do now."

"Could we perhaps discuss this inside the castle if you already insist on discussing it at all? It's too cold out here, and the forbidden forest certainly is no place for yelling, professor." She tried to reason with him, tried to keep her voice steady, tried to keep her teeth from chattering now that she grew increasingly cold from not moving anymore. 

"Oh, we're not discussing this. You won't learn from a discussion; you won't learn from _ anything  _ inside the castle's walls at all. Wasn't it you the staff room gossip claims to have said that the only way for a student to learn is by showing them just what it is they have done wrong?"

"Where are you going with this?" Robin couldn't keep the shudder hidden from her voice, just as she couldn't keep her skin from being covered in goosebumps of both cold and alert. He must've felt it, his fingers were still digging into her shoulder.

"I will help you learn." He stated in a dangerously quiet tone, then his hold on her disappeared at once. But he spoke on before Robin even had the chance to move. " _ Petrificus Glacialis _ ." 

Robin's heart skipped a beat in an implosion of surprise and terror, but the cry that burnt in her throat upon the sudden liquid cold in her veins died right where it was born. Her lips wouldn't open to release a single sound, just as her body wouldn't move even a single hair's width. But she could move her eyes, and she could  _ hear _ .

"Since you obviously intended to venture into the forbidden forest, I see this to be the only appropriate punishment to prove to you how scary such a venture would have been. How… defenseless a young student is against the horrors that dwell within this place. How frightened you should have been from the start." Morgan sighed, but his voice grew more distant as his steps faded into the distance as well. "The spell should undo itself after an hour. Approximately…" 

And just like that, Robin was alone, his steps soon too far in the distance to be heard anymore. For a moment she expected him to come back, to scare her maybe, to release her and tell her she should have learned her lesson. But after almost fifteen minutes, Robin finally had to admit that Morgan wasn't coming back, that he really had left her alone out here. Unable to defend herself, standing petrified at the edge of one of the most dangerous places in this part of the country. How could he?!  _ Why?! _ No matter how much she tried to wrap her mind around it, she just couldn't understand. And it left her equally angry and desperate. Morgan was a bloody idiot! A stupid, irresponsible, despicable pillock!!! 

Another ten minutes passed and she still couldn't move, couldn't breathe, couldn't even think properly. While the first was an actual result of Morgan's spell, the latter two were mere results of her own blind panic. This wasn't… this surely wasn't as bad as it seemed right now. Robin tried to take deep breaths, to count to six and back down to one, over and over again, and it did calm her nerves enough to drown out the panic after a while. But the underlying fear was still there, with every moment she couldn't look anywhere but into the lurking darkness, as was the bone deep chill that was just as numbing and burning at once as she remembered it. Why did she always end up in trouble when she left the castle after hours?! Why did she always end up facing a darkness deeper than night, be it on the inside or the outside, and why on earth did it always have to be Morgan who was the very core of the problem? Gods, she would go mad if she couldn't move again soon! She could feel, she could think and see and hear, and yet her body didn't obey her at all. Hopefully this longest hour would be over soon… hopefully she wouldn't be frozen into oblivion when it was. And hopefully _ , HOPEFULLY _ nothing in this darn forest would try to eat her before then.


	30. Changing Tides -  Part 5

Half an hour passed, or maybe an entire one, Robin didn't even know anymore… the majority of her body was aching, but her legs hurt the most from carrying her weight without moving for too long. At least she hadn't been eaten yet, hadn't even heard anything that could be considered unusual, and the forest ahead was quiet and peaceful. That's what she tried to tell herself, to slow down her heartbeat enough to be able to focus on her surroundings instead of her own panic. It had worked for the time passed already.

It worked, until her ears picked up the tiniest sounds of movement in the distance behind her back, and any positive thoughts made immediate room for a new wave of anxiety.  _ Oh bloody hell… _ Her heartbeat quickened inevitably, and so did her breathing. C'mon Robin, focus on reality for once! No dwelling in her own mind, at least this once. No blind panic. The sound was creeping closer, that much she could tell, but she had no time to ponder who or what was approaching, nor the necessity to.

"What, pray tell, do you think you are doing there?!" Snape's scolding tone almost had Robin weeping in relief. Thank god he was here now… or rather, thanks to his impatient naturell. He'd probably been annoyed that she hadn't returned with the flowers yet, and honestly, Robin had never been happier to annoy him!

A few seconds later his dark frame entered her field of vision, and the first thing she noticed as he moved closer to her with hastened strides was his rapidly changing expression. The annoyance and irritation was replaced by a mixture of wariness and concern, and his eyes sought hers as he stopped a step in front of her. For a few seconds, all Robin could do was stare up at him with wide eyes and wait for him to draw the necessary conclusions on his own. Then, with a sudden jolt of heat in her veins, all tension in her body was removed, and her legs gave out as she dropped down to the ground in a limp pile of flesh and bones. The barely intercepted impact sent a jolt of immediate pain through her entire body, knocking the air straight out of her lungs, but at least, at  _ last _ , Robin found herself able to move her body again. 

"Oh thank you thank you thank you…" She breathed with a raspy voice, and twisted her stinging back and shoulders while sitting up. A new wave of pain caused her to suck in a sharp breath. "Bloody shoulder…"

Snape let his gaze travel over her in a quick inspection of her overall state, and his eyes lingered on her shoulder indeed before moving back to meet her own.

"Are you alright?" He asked quietly, after giving her a moment to sort herself out, with a doubtful look down at Robin. 

"Terribly sore from standing still for so long… how long has it been, actually?"

"Over an hour since you left."

"Ah…" Robin sighed, and finally felt like she might be able to stand up off the dewy soil without her legs giving straight out under her weight again. But before she could make any sort of weak attempt to scramble to her feet, he held his hand out to Robin without a word. 

Her heart skipped a beat at the sight, but she didn't hesitate to accept the help that was offered to her so unexpectedly, in a gesture so unusual and yet so very welcome. Had her hand not been frozen quite so much, she could have enjoyed the feeling of his own wrapped around her smaller one so much more. And yet, the brief touch left her short of breath already, and drowning in a wave of tingling ecstasy.

"You are freezing." He stated neutrally and released her hand once Robin was standing straight in front of him once again. "We should return to the castle. I wish to know what happened here. In detail."

"I'm not going back until I have gotten those stupid Plangentine petals." Robin replied in mild frustration about the delay in her task, and even more about who had caused it. " _ So  _ not going to let him win."

"Who?"

"Morgan." She sighed, and mindlessly traced the spot on her shoulder that he had almost crushed with his ridiculously strong grip. It still hurt, even after almost an hour had passed… would probably be a nice bruise soon enough. "He followed me out here. I sent him flying with a repelling spell because he snuck up on me. He didn't like that, and thus turned me into the statue you found."

Snape's eyebrows rose in surprise for a second, then furrowed into an even deeper frown. "Professor Morgan petrified you and left you here at the edge of the forest? Alone?"

"He was convinced that I was up to no good and committing some felony by being out here. I tried to tell him that-… You know what, just have a look at it yourself." 

"Are you-..."

"Yes. If I have to talk about that man for much longer, I'll get angry, and I don't want to spend the last minutes of my almost perfect birthday being angry. So yes, go right ahead." Robin stated in certainty, feeling almost calm in her own determination, and thus simply looked up into Snape's eyes while waiting for the crawling in the back of her mind. It lasted for only a minute, and once the feeling was gone again, his gaze dropped from her own down to her shoulder for a moment.

"He hurt you." He stated then, with an almost perfect neutral facade for once. It left Robin wondering what he was truly thinking beneath the act, for he only ever seemed to bother putting effort into his facades around her if he intentionally didn't want her to know.

"Nah, it's fine." She shrugged, and regretted it immediately afterwards. "Alright, it  _ does  _ hurt, but I don't mind. I'm fine."

"In that case I shall take you back to the castle to see the headmaster immediately. He will not be able to refuse to intervene in Morgan's doings any longer if he hears of this incident." 

"Or maybe… we could simply go down to the lake, gather the Plangentine and then return to the dungeons and have a nice hot cup of coffee?" Robin asked before Snape could make any attempt to walk away. She didn't need a repetition of last year's never ending night of terror. She didn't need the struggle nor the fight nor the anxiety. But she wanted him to stay with her, and simply let it go for now. "Please?"

"Not only did he completely disregard my own person AND the school rules, but he  _ actively  _ put you into great danger by leaving you here like that! You cannot seriously expect me to ignore that."

"No, I cannot." Robin replied with a small half smile, and a hopeful glance. He wasn't dragging her off yet; her suggestion still had a chance. "But I can hope that you might do me the favor and spare me even more trouble tonight. We can still discuss our plans and plots against Morgan over coffee later."

"I was under the impression that you weren't fond of revenge. Even if it would be very much justified." He raised an eyebrow at Robin in question, but an undeniable expression of amused appreciation played on his features as well.

"In fact, I'm not." Robin shrugged again, with her unhurt shoulder only, and with a growing smile. "But you are, and I'm willing to compromise."

Snape rolled his eyes, even as a clear not-smirk played on his lips. "You truly  _ are  _ insufferable." 

"I know." The smile reached Robin's eyes as well as her voice now. "And still you bother with me."

"Here…" He sighed in feigned annoyance, and before Robin could ask, he untied his own cloak and draped it around her shoulders with an exaggerated rolling of his eyes. "One professor endangering your life is quite enough for one night. And it would be a true bother to explain to Dumbledore why you froze to death out here under my supervision. If you already so stubbornly insist on picking flowers at night, this is the condition. I refuse to have you freezing to death."

"Thank you." She replied quietly, feeling momentarily stunned as she wrapped the heavy fabric tighter around herself, but she offered him a small smile in return anyway. This… was unexpected.

As they started making their way back towards the path to the lake, Robin tried to calm down the reactions literally every part of her body and mind had relapsed into. Everything felt warm, scorching almost, on the outside on her skin, and on the inside deep in her chest. She couldn't help hugging the fabric tighter around herself, blaming the action on the chilling wind but enjoying it for entirely different reasons. Luckily they didn't talk on their way through the dark… Robin doubted that she could've come up with anything witty to say, and Snape probably felt too uncomfortable with his own act of kindness to do so either. All Robin could focus on right now was the overwhelming smell that enveloped her senses, old books and fire and the dungeons and just him to the essence, and the feeling of sizzling flames taking an all-consuming hold of her heart. 

This wasn't what a crush should feel like, was it? It wasn't just giggles and sighs, blushing cheeks and stolen glances… it was so much more than that. It was pleasantly terrifying. Maybe she shouldn't try to fight this so very desperately after all… not on the inside at least, in the depth of her mind and heart. She still had to carefully hide it, of course, but maybe she could also let herself be consumed by it from time to time. In the deepest, darkest corners of her being.

The walk down to the right part of the forest was short. The gentle lapping of small waves on the shore could barely be heard as they passed through the first trees, but it sufficed for Robin to finally bring herself to focus on the outside world and the task at hand again. Even if the comfort and the tingles of wearing Snape's cloak remained on a constantly underlying basis in her mind. After a few steps into the thicket, it was already difficult to see the ground beneath her feet, for the remaining foliage of the autumn blazed trees drowned out every and any moonlight. Smiling, Robin thought that she wouldn't need the light. Maybe Snape would actually be impressed by that for once.

"Do you have an actual strategy for finding the plants in question, or did you plan on searching for them in the darkness like a dunderhead?" Snape asked in the very instant she had meant to answer just that question, and stopped in his saunter with risen eyebrows.

Robin couldn't help looking up at him with a smirk in return. "What do you think?" 

Without further explanations, she drew her wand out of her sleeve, and studied the dark ground for a moment while Snape studied her in an equal manner, without even trying to conceal his curiosity nor his amusement. Finally Robin pointed her wand at one of the small Plangentine flowers, and it glowed up in a faint orange a second later, without a single word being spoken. The glow slowly spread from the petals down into the roots, and from there on it expanded all over the forest floor in fine lines that ran wildly into every direction, peaking into brightly glowing spots wherever a flower was breaking out of the soil. The delicate web of faintly shimmering lines soon illuminated the entire area around them and tinted it in the subtle tones of a fire that seemed to burn deep within the roots of the Plangentine, in the veins of the earth.

"Impressive." He commented, as unimpressed as he could possibly manage to sound, but the way he observed the magic surrounding them told Robin an entirely different story. "I wasn't aware that your magic was advanced enough to work without a spoken word." 

"Well, you hardly ever waste any of your words on spells either…" She shrugged, with a small smirk. "Couldn't be so hard then."

The glare she received immediately in return broadened her smirk even more, and thanks to the dim light she could tell that he was humored by her comment rather than offended. It had been a close call though.

"What kind of spell is this?" He finally asked, with a more neutral expression as he motioned to the glowing lines, and still undeniably interested in what Robin had just demonstrated. She'd known he would like it… and she felt rather proud that he did.

"I came up with it only two weeks ago, actually…" Robin started to explain as she moved to pick up the tiny glowing flowers that each lost their light as soon as she had plucked them off the ground. Too bad, really, it was such a beautiful sight. "As silly as it sounds, I was just messing around with spells for my charms homework, but then I discovered this… phenomenon."

"What, precisely, does it do?"

"Oh, it's fairly easy really. Would you like me to show you?"

"Obviously."

With a silent sigh, Robin placed the already gathered flowers in a small heap on the ground and moved to stand in front of the frowning potions professor. Then she pulled the sleeves of her shirt and his cloak up to her elbow and pointed her wand at the most prominent vein on the inside of her wrist. " _ Annexus Illuminis. _ "

Almost instantly, the same orange glow flared up underneath her skin, starting as a small spark only. She dropped her hand with her wand back to her side and merely held the other arm out in front of her while the glow slowly spread underneath the skin, following the vein she had pointed at all the way up to run on under her sleeve. Still, the faint glow could be seen all the way up to her heart, even through the layers of fabric.

"So… that's how it works. It follows any coherent line, or in case of the Plangentine, the large net of roots that are all connected underground." Robin mused, and willed the glow in her arm to fade as she pushed her sleeve down again. "I came up with it by accident, but that doesn't mean it's not a good spell still."

"Indeed." Snape mused and then looked up from her arm to her eyes with one of his most enigmatic expressions. "It is… remarkable."

A smile spread on Robin's lips, and after a second longer of holding his gaze, she returned to gathering her flowers to not make a fool of herself.  _ Remarkable…  _ That was as good a compliment as she would get, and she felt both content and excited that her small bit of magic seemed to have impressed him indeed. 

However, he really could help her with collecting those darn tiny flowers now. It was as much his work as it was hers, after all, but obviously the fine professor preferred to merely observe her in silent amusement as she moved through the space between the trees and almost tripped over his cloak a few times. It really wasn't her fault that she was an entire head shorter, and she rolled her eyes at his amusement at that. Really, and  _ he  _ called her insufferable. Ironic.

Eventually Robin believed to have enough Plangentine (some time after he had  _ finally  _ gotten over himself and helped her to collect it), and they started making their way back towards the castle. It was another of those shared mutual silences, a moment so ordinary and yet so special that it made Robin believe that she couldn't possibly feel more content anywhere else, calmer at any given point, nor happier with anyone else by her side.

The freezing wind whipped her hair into her face and tangled it beyond what she could repair before she turned into a scarecrow entirely, but then again she had to smirk once she realized that Snape seemed to have the very same problem. If they both looked horrible like that, it really didn't matter at all. What mattered however was the cold. Even with his cloak still tightly wrapped around her shoulders, it was undoubtedly more November weather than late October at this point, and thus, for once, Robin actually found herself glad to be back inside the castle. Soon enough they were headed into the dungeons once more, but instead of the classroom, they went straight into his office for once. While Robin dropped the pile of flowers on his desk and then summoned her backpack over from the adjunct room, Snape moved to prepare the first round of coffee. It really was an odd little ritual they had fallen into, but Robin loved every second of it. At this point, they had given up on the strictly alternating pattern of who made coffee for whom, and instead stuck to the law of opportunity. Whoever had time, or sometimes simply whoever had had the better day, made coffee for the other. It went wordlessly, and it had been working for a good while now. Thus Robin didn't feel guilty at all as she simply flopped down in her chair and suppressed a yawn while she waited for him to sit down across from her. Stupid temperature difference… why did it always make one yawn when coming back inside after being out in the cold for a while?! Before she could suppress it, she yawned again.

"Watching other people work must be very tiring." Snape sighed in that mocking scowl as he finally took his seat and placed a cup of steaming coffee in front of Robin.

"Then you must be quite exhausted." She replied easily, and wrapped her hands around the cup for warmth while her smirk was directed down at the very same object at first, then innocently up at the professor in front of her.

"I really should give you detention for sassing me all the time."

"You could also just tell me which dreadful task you would like to impose on me and I would do it even without detention." Robin lifted an eyebrow at him in amusement, even a little challenge.

"Would you, now?"

"Try me."

"If you insist…" He took a sip of his own coffee and mirrored her expression almost to the point. It made Robin snort. "You can write the recipe for the antidote to common poisons on the blackboard. I'm going to teach the second years to prepare it tomorrow morning, which should be enough punishment for me already as it is.  _ My _ recipe, not that pathetic excuse of one in the textbook."

" _ Obviously  _ not the one in the textbook." Robin snorted and rolled her eyes. "You couldn't cure a flobberworm with that, leave alone prepare the potion correctly without knowing what to alter."

"Indeed." He mused with a not-smirk that actually looked almost like a real smirk for once. Maybe because he only now came to realize that Robin had actually listened to him complaining about the textbook issue a good while ago. "Well?"

"What makes you so sure that I even know your recipe by heart?" Robin asked as she rose to her feet nonetheless, grabbed her coffee mug and made for the door to the classroom. If he wanted to try her indeed, she would prove to him that he would have to try harder. 

"Do you not?" He questioned in return, and the subtle noises of movement behind her told her that he was following her into the classroom.

"Of course I do!" Robin complained with a snort as she skipped the few steps towards the blackboard and picked up the only piece of chalk that still looked usable.

"If you get chalk on my robes, I will personally hold you accountable for your crime." He commented flatly even before Robin could write the first letter, and she realized with a start that she was still wearing his robes indeed. With a subtle sigh under her breath, she took a second to memorize the delightful smell that still clung onto the fabric, then let it slip down her shoulders and placed the piece of clothing over his office chair. As she turned to look at him over her shoulder, he had taken a seat on the edge of the first row desks, coffee in hand, as he once again watched her with subtle amusement. She rolled her eyes in exaggeration while he could still see it and then faced the blackboard again with a small smile to start noting down the recipe.  _ He  _ was the insufferable one here!

_______________

"In regard to the upcoming new year's ball, the headmaster and a few advisors have decided that the heads of the houses shall teach their students the art of ballroom dancing prior to the event. After last year's debacle, it was deemed very much necessary." Professor McGonagall spoke loudly as she walked up and down the great hall, passing through the open space in between the students standing on either wall with bored faces. The side of the hall where Robin was standing was crowded with the Slytherin students of the years four to seven… the other side of the hall with Gryffindor students of the same years.

"We all shall see to it that this year's ball will be a dance, and not a party."

"If the head of the house is supposed to teach us to dance… why are  _ we _ here?" A very familiar voice asked, none other than Alexander Downing, but Robin deemed it a decent enough question to listen to the professor's response. 

"I was just getting to that point, and if you would have shown a little patience, you would already have your answer." McGonagall snapped back at him, and Robin had to smile on instinct at her fierceness. That expression however vanished off her face when the professor spoke on. "Seeing as Professor Flitwick is not able to, and Professor Snape is… indisposed, Professor Sprout will be teaching the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff students to dance  _ properly _ , and I myself shall see to you."

A general murmur went through both houses, and Robin couldn't help feeling a little disappointed. She would've liked to see Snape dancing, even if only to have a decent reason to observe him for once. And yet… seeing him dancing with someone else very likely would've turned her sour for the rest of the weekend, as pathetic as that would be, so maybe it was good that things were this way now. She didn't have to make a fool of herself, and Snape wouldn't be annoyed with a house full of idiots trying not to trip over their own two feet. However the way McGonagall had said 'indisposed' left Robin with a lingering unease, a worry deeply rooted in her heart that she just couldn't shake off. Even as they were asked to pair up to have a go at trying out what had just been demonstrated (which Robin had completely missed due to being stuck in her head) she still could focus on very little but her own concern, but she made an effort to at least take notice of her surroundings again.

Most of the girls were surprisingly eager to find a partner, to dance and learn to do so properly, while the boys however looked like they preferred to do anything but. Robin for her part was mostly indifferent to it, seeing as she already knew how to dance, but she had no intention to do so at the ball anyhow. She would be attending, but only because she didn't like the thought of Snape sulking by himself all night, seeing as he likely would be forced to attend yet again. They'd had a nice time last year, and maybe he would come to sit with her again once the change of years was near. Anyhow, for now Robin merely observed the pairing up of different people, while unsurprisingly nobody asked her to dance. She honestly hadn't expected anyone to, so she sighed to herself and walked up to a redheaded Gryffindor boy who seemed just as out of place as she herself felt. 

"Hey, are you also still looking for a partner?" She asked as nicely as she could, but her voice let on a bit of the dread she felt nonetheless.

"And  _ you  _ want to dance with me? So you can trip me and all of your classmates can have a good laugh? No thank you." He scoffed, and Robin rolled her eyes in return. What a jerk… 

"You don't even know me, and just because I wear green instead of red doesn't make me an instant asshole. But whatever, I was just trying to be nice." She grumbled and turned on her heel to head back to the opposite wall. Wasn't it delightful, in her own house she was despised for not being Slytherin enough, and the other houses despised her for being in Slytherin in the first place… bloody idiots, all of them.

"Wait, I'm sorry." The boy brought out before Robin was entirely out of reach. "You're right, that was unfair of me. I would appreciate if we could practice dancing together."

"Alright." Robin sighed and gave him a half smile. Maybe he wasn't a complete jerk after all, just someone who had unjustified prejudices. And that was rather human, actually. "Let's get this over with."


	31. Changing Tides -  Part 6

Dancing with the boy turned out alright, he didn't step on her feet like most of the others and they didn't speak much besides what was necessary for the task at hand. The afternoon went by otherwise eventless, blending into evening, and once they were free to go, Robin thanked her partner for practicing with her, he returned the favour, and they headed their ways as all of the other students did. Hopefully, Robin thought, she wouldn't have to do this again next year. Even if it had been relatively bearable by chance. Still, she had felt uncomfortable in the overall situation, and she preferred not to be forced to dance with strangers again, no matter if they were actually okay or not.

During dinner, which followed almost immediately after the dancing class, Robin's worry about the potions professor returned to nag at her mind even more strongly than before. Once half of the meal had passed and Snape still hadn't shown up, she started to actually feel nervous. 

"What's up with you, Robin? You look like I feel before an exam." Cas asked with a frown as she sorted the mushrooms out of the stew on her plate.

"Was dancing that bad?" Jorien added, and quirked an eyebrow at Robin on the bench opposite to her.

"Dancing was fine, it's not about that." Robin mused, still frowning. "Well, actually it is. Snape was supposed to teach us, but McGonagall had to do it instead, because he was indisposed. According to her."

"Probably he just didn't feel like dancing." Cas replied easily, and pushed her mushrooms onto Robin's plate. "I mean… imagine Professor Snape dancing! Especially with any of the students. I mean, I can't even picture it in my head, and neither can he, probably."

"I can picture him dancing with Robin, actually." Jorien replied with a shrug directed at her blonde friend. "But I do see your point. He probably simply bailed out and Professor McGonagall had to come up with an excuse."

"Robin doesn't count as a student!" Cas rolled her eyes and finally dug into her second serving of now mushroom-free stew.

"I am a student though, you know that, right?" Robin chuckled, as the girls' words served to dim her nervousness back down to an underlying worry. They very likely were right, Snape really wasn't someone who would take on something like teaching his students to dance if he could help it. He had probably just bailed out indeed. But that wasn't like him at all… he didn't bail out on any responsibility, ever. And then, why wasn't he at dinner now? C'mon, Robin, it was just a meal. He'd missed them before. She rolled her eyes at her overreaction, even if that didn't make the worry go away.

"Of course I know that you're a student, technically." Cas sighed dramatically. "But in my mind, you're just more of a… replacement professor, who happens to be our adopted big sister, who happens to be our roommate, who happens to be a mentor, who happens to be our friend. Like, an adult friend. Who's not an adult. You're just…" 

"Robin?" Jorien suggested with an amused smile.

"Yes! You're just Robin, that's what you are." Cas finished with a grin. "You're Robin."

"Thank you for that observation." Robin couldn't help laughing now, as she shook her head to herself. "I am Robin indeed."

For the rest of dinner, they talked about the two younger girls' potions homework and how they both had no idea where to find books on the essay topic, seeing as the library didn't offer any more than what the textbook did. And since Robin had basically forbidden them to rely on the textbook ever since she had started tutoring them last year, it was for her now to find a solution to the thereby caused issue as well. Short of any other ideas that would not take more time than they had, she lent them one of her own books for now and promised that she would give them an elaborate crash course on the topic tomorrow.

Once dinner was over, or at least once it was acceptable to leave, Robin said goodnight to her roommates and made for the potions classroom without any detours. Stupid worry… it just wouldn't leave her alone, even as her reason tried to convince her that she was being ridiculous. 

As always, she let herself into the room when she found it locked, but this time all there was behind the heavy door was darkness. That hadn't happened in a long time, usually Snape was here at this point, or at least in his office. But the door to the office was closed as well, and Robin only noticed the faint light seeping through the gap underneath it once she approached it with reluctant steps. Something  _ was  _ off today, there was no use denying it.

Careful for once, she knocked on the door before pulling it open, but then let herself into the room anyway. Only one single candle was lit, a large one on the desk, but it sufficed to see the entire room. Snape was sitting right next to it, bent over some paperwork with a grave expression that was only partially hidden by a curtain of raven hair.

"What do you want?" He asked without looking up, without even a hello. Robin's brows furrowed, and her heart did a funny little squeeze that was more painful than pleasant. He looked upset, if not straight out angry. Distraught, in a unique way she couldn't pinpoint, and it troubled her in return.

"I always come by at this time, don't I? For work, studying, coffee…" She replied in a quiet voice, which yet she tried to give a calm touch. "Is… everything alright?"

Now he did look up at her, with a dark and frustrated glare that made Robin's heart skip another beat. " _ Just perfect _ , isn't that quite obvious enough?! Now go and pretend to care somewhere else, I have work to do." He snapped and crouched back over his work while Robin's eyes stayed glued to him the entire time. Something had upset him deeply, that much was obvious, and while she knew that he would never talk to her about it if she asked, the desperate wish to comfort him still flared up in her chest with a very much inappropriate urgency. It wasn't for her to comfort him, if even for anyone at all, but to see him like this, troubled and hurting in a way she couldn't explain but definitely feel… it just pained her equally. Maybe she could at least do  _ something _ about it.

"What work do you have to do? Maybe… I could help you with it." Robin suggested carefully, cautious not to let her own hurt seep into the tone of her voice. He didn't need to deal with her compassion on top of everything else right now, it would only upset him more. And she had helped him with work before, after all.

"Grading essays, preparing classes, answering letters from pathetically clingy parents, restocking the infirmary's potions, cleaning the laboratory, filing in new ingredients… would you like for me to continue wasting my time by listing tasks or will you just _leave_ already?! The paperwork alone will take all night to do, even without you distracting me!" If Robin had ever heard someone yelling in a quiet voice, this was it. And it was both terrifying and heartbreaking at once. "I don't need help, especially not _yours_."

"Okay…" She breathed in return, and looked down to the ground in honest defeat for once. "Sorry that I bothered you." With that she turned on her heels and made for the door to the hallway instead of the classroom. Just as she wanted to let herself out, his voice stopped her once more.

"Ignore what I said, please. Today simply is… not a good day." He stated in a sigh that conveyed just how much he was actually  _ trying  _ to talk to her in a friendlier tone and Robin's heart ached for him a little more.

"I know. I'll be back tomorrow." She replied as comfortingly as she could without slipping into straight out sympathy, then stepped into the hallway and quietly closed the door behind herself. Leaving him like this was more painful than expected.

Her heart felt like it had been wrapped in devil's snare as she sauntered through the hallways more or less aimlessly. She had never seen Snape so honestly upset before. Angry, yes, but not distraught. It worried her deeply, and she just couldn't help the urge to try to make it better somehow. He didn't want her help though… or rather he didn't  _ need  _ it, as he'd said. But maybe Robin wouldn't listen to him this time. Maybe, for once, she would take a calculated risk and do his work  _ for  _ him, not with him. 

The idea didn't leave her mind as her feet carried her towards the infirmary on their own accord. Snape had helped her, had literally saved her in her darkest moments so many times already, and she had every intention to return the favor now. Sure, helping her was part of his responsibility as her professor, and it definitely wasn't expected of the students to care for their teachers in return. But that exactly was the point. Robin didn't want to be just another student, any random recipient of an authoritative and one sided construct of assistance. She wanted to be his friend, truly and honestly, and even if he didn't want to be hers in return, she would still be his. This attitude had worked out for her for the past half of the year at least, ever since she'd so boldly told the people at the conference that she was his friend indeed. Doing some of his work now might not be an acceptable thing for his student to do, but for his friend it was perfectly alright. And while the chance that he would be furious about it was presumably as high as the chance that he would simply accept it silently and move on, both ways would result in him having to do less work. That, to Robin, was worth taking a risk for.

Once she reached the hospital wing, she got Madam Pomfrey to write her a list of how much of which potion was needed, simply by saying that she was here on Snape's behalf. It wasn't a lie, not even a half truth, and it got her what she wanted soon enough. With the list, she made for the laboratory in utmost determination that she would go through with this. He would definitely be mad that she used his lab without permission, even if she also planned on cleaning up and sorting out whatever he had previously mentioned. But he had no say in her decision to help him.

Once she'd lit up the candles, locked the door behind herself and dropped her backpack in a corner where it wouldn't bother her, she finally got started with the tasks at hand. She knew the lab better than any other room inside the castle by now, so it really was nothing to her to gather all necessary ingredients and supplies she would need for the three potions she would now have to make for Madam Pomfrey. It was nothing extraordinary, all three being ones she'd made to Snape's contentment before, and the only true nuisance was the time they would have to simply simmer over medium heat. Robin used that time to clear the table she currently wasn't using, thus to put back various jars and bottles into their rightful places. Some of them were new, she could tell by the date on the labels, but seeing as they at least  _ were  _ labeled in the first place, it was easy to file them into the correct places in the shelves.

Then, once she'd finished that and done some other minor cleaning that wouldn't immediately get messed up by the work in progress again, she started writing new labels for the potions she was currently making. She'd done that way too many times before, it was an easy but dreadfully mindless task, and she wondered if the entire potions stash in the infirmary had her handwriting on it by now. The thought made her smile to herself. 

Eventually, way after midnight as far as Robin's watch told her, the first potion was ready. It looked quite perfect, as far as she could tell, and she prayed to whoever was listening that it was okay indeed. Making a mistake now would be an absolute disaster, and she'd rather screw up her OWLs than fail at this right here. Preferably neither though. But the potion looked, smelled and tasted exactly like it was supposed to, and thus she went ahead to bottle and label it. Still, she felt somewhat nervous. Maybe she shouldn't have done this by herself after all.  _ No. _ She took a deep breath; she knew what she was doing, knew it to the last bloody detail by now. Maybe not the very much advanced potions and techniques they usually worked on in the evenings, but this she had down to the very science it was. So no time for self doubt, not right now. This was bloody routine!

Within the next hour, she finished up the other two potions as well, with the very same result of  _ actually  _ believing it had turned out perfectly, but still with a small hint of doubt on her mind. At last she could get started on cleaning the laboratory, as soon as all the small bottles were safely placed into a box. Cleaning really was one of the easiest tasks, a mere few spells she had memorized long ago to keep her own space tidy, and that was it. She was done with everything she could do in terms of helping him. And yet she still felt like she hadn't actually made anything better for him at all. What she had done was treating the symptoms, not curing the disease, if one could even use a bad metaphor like that in this case. 

As she placed the finished potions in a prominent place on the table closest to the door, she thought that maybe she should at least explain what she had done. And why. Thus she fetched a piece of paper and a ballpoint pen out of her backpack and wrote a note, for she wasn't brave enough to tell him face to face tonight.

_ 'I filed the new ingredients, cleaned the lab and made the potions Madam Pomfrey was missing. I'm not stupid enough to believe that I'm free of errors though, and while I do think that the potions turned out correctly, I would still prefer for you to take a look at them before delivering the stash to her. Or tell me to deliver them, of course. I apologise for using the lab without your permission, and for disregarding what you said, but I thought that being mad at me would be preferable to you to being quite so miserable.  _

_ You might not need my help, or anyone's at all, but that doesn't mean that you don't deserve it.  _

_ Robin' _

With a sigh she dropped her pen onto the table, as she realized that whatever she could possibly write wouldn't get any better than this. Thus she placed the note on the box, grabbed her backpack, extinguished the candles with a mere look at them, and finally left the laboratory to lock the door behind herself. Well… she would have to wait until morning to see if she was in trouble now.

It was nearly two thirty in the morning at this point… but Robin knew that Snape wouldn't be done working for another few hours. Chances were high that he would come by the lab eventually, and she didn't want to be here when he did. Thus she made for the only place she knew where she could find something to cheer her up that  _ wasn't  _ Snape or potions; Robin went to the kitchens.

After a little chat with Buttercup, which was actually quite helpful in terms of cheering up, Robin summoned the usual Twirl out of her backpack to exchange it for a few pieces of cake, which the other elves in the kitchen already were almost finished preparing at this point. Well… seems like Robin was predictable in one regard at least. When she came into the kitchens at night, it was most definitely to bargain for some cake.

Today, instead of the usual chocolate cake, she got one with spices, almonds and orange, and only fairly little chocolate. Right… it was only one more week until Christmas. She didn't mind though, cake was cake in times like these and she would gladly take whatever she could get. Even if chocolate would have been preferable.

After saying goodnight to the house elves, Robin took her pastry back into the dungeons. She didn't feel like having so much company, and as sweet as Buttercup was, spending time around her was always quite exhausting. Thus she made her way through the hallways silently, intending to return to her common room that would surely be deserted by now. That plan dissolved into thin air when she rounded a corner, and almost ran into a wall of black. Robin stood frozen to the spot, clutching her plate in both hands in front of her, and simply looked up at Snape with wide eyes in a nervy expression.  _ Of course _ she had to run into him. What kind of day at Hogwarts would it be if not the most unlikely things happened on a regular basis?

He stood so close to her that she could see all the small details of his face despite the darkness, the buttons on his robe almost touching the other end of her plate, but he didn't make an attempt to move away as he held her gaze with a fairly similar expression to the one Robin wore herself. No trace of the annoyance or anger she had seen him portray hours before.

"Cake?" She asked in a quiet and unfortunately also rather insecure voice, but mostly blamed herself for not thinking of anything better to say.

"Only if you would be willing to share." He replied in a quiet calm, and when Robin nodded in return, he led her back down the hallway towards his office without another word. The silence lingered as they sat down at the small side table like they usually would at the beginning of a work night, not the end of one, without even lighting any of the candles in the moonwashed room. The silence lingered while they each enjoyed a piece of the cake, not bothering with cutlery or such fancies, and it even lingered long after the pastry was history. They didn't need to speak; it was comfortable just like that, a peculiar kind of mutual understanding between them said more than words probably could have. It was an apology, an explanation, a reassurance, and undoubtedly also a form of comfort.

"You did not ask." He finally spoke up, after what seemed like hours of silence, and Robin was surprised by how calm he still seemed to be.

"Sometimes even I remember my place." She replied with a small shrug and a half smile, assuming that he was talking about the fact that she hadn't inquired about his reasons for being so upset earlier. "And even if it was anywhere near appropriate for me to ask, I believe to know you better than to try."

"I wouldn't have told you, had you asked." He simply stated in return, and Robin had to smile for some reason.

"I know. I have to tell you everything you want to know, and you don't even have to speak to me at all if you'd prefer not to. That's just how it is, and it's okay." She sighed softly, positively, calmly. The room slowly grew darker as the moon traveled past the window's reach.

"It seems oddly unfair, does it not?"

"Life isn't fair." Robin shrugged. "It's a game everyone plays by different rules."

"So if I asked you to explain to me why you did my work despite me explicitly telling you not to, would you be following your rules or mine when answering?"

Robin's stomach churned as the elephant in the room was finally addressed. "Depends on the perspective. I would answer because I want to answer  _ you _ , as a person, not because I feel like I have to answer to your position. But since I answer anyway, you might just as well take it as whichever fits better to your own rules."

"I prefer your honest intention over any seemingly more appropriate one. So tell me, why did you deem it a good idea to help me even when I said I didn't need your help?" The way he asked still was only reflecting a sense of calm, of honest interest in what Robin would say, and she had to see that he truthfully didn't seem to be mad at her after all. That was both relieving and frightening at once. Had he been angry, she at least would've known what he thought.

She might as well tell him the truth now. Part of it at least, the part she had tried telling him before. "You might not  _ need  _ help, I know for a fact that you don't, especially not from someone like me. But you still deserve for people to care enough to want to help you nonetheless. It's an act of kindness, not an act of necessity."

"And you care enough?"

"Why else would I spend my entire night doing your work and still risk getting yelled at for doing so?"

"I have absolutely no idea, but please, do enlighten me."

"As hard as it might be for you to believe, I actually  _ like  _ you. And it made me sad to see you so upset." Robin rolled her eyes in that exaggerated manner he usually made use of, thinking how 'liking' him was probably the understatement of the century. But he didn't need to know that, it was enough that she was being this honest already. "My means to make you feel better were limited though, very limited, and they would have been absolutely non-existent had I listened to what you said. But I wanted to help you no matter what. Because yes, I do really care about you, if that wasn't obvious enough already."

For a moment the room remained quiet; Robin looked at Snape in the sincere belief that she had gone too far in her honesty, while he looked down at his own hands on the table with a serene expression that gave away nothing at all. Robin found it very hard to breathe suddenly.

"Thank you." He finally said, and looked up to meet her gaze with a startling rawness that went beyond any facade. Just him, no pretense. A spark of electricity started with a pang in Robin's heart, then rolled through her like a wave in a raging storm. Gods, she should not feel like this. She shouldn't…

"Any time." She replied after a moment, cutting off her own string of thought with a small smile that hopefully didn't let on any of the raw emotions she had to keep to herself at all costs. Because even if the room was only lit by moonlight, it sufficed for them to see each other over the small distance of the table, and it sufficed for Robin to have to force herself not to stare. She saw him indeed. 

A few seconds passed, and his expression was back to the one he usually wore around Robin these days. It was far from the small glimpse of deep honesty she had seen moments ago, but she didn't mind at all. Hell, she even was glad that he was back to the normal composure and neutrality she could only see through shallowly or in small doses. She didn't think she could handle it another time, to stand at the edge of the bottomless abyss that was his true self, without taking the leap. And that was something she could not allow herself to do, no matter what, because it would break every wall that guarded the deepest corners of her being; those stupid emotions she both loved and hated with the strongest passion. But she would remember that look on his face though, even if she never got to see it again.

"The potions turned out quite excellent, in case you would like to know. And the laboratory is as spotless as it hasn't been in years." He commented after a while, leaning back in his chair with an eyebrow raised at Robin. Saving her from her thoughts as always.

"Good." Robin's smile widened ever so slightly as she focused back on the moment. "I was hoping it would take a little work off your shoulders instead of adding to it."

"It did. Otherwise I would hardly be here."

"So, I take it that your bad day got a little less bad after all?" She asked with a crooked smile and a hopeful expression, making a guess she hoped was correct. He seemed to be feeling better at least.

"Indeed."

"I'm sure it was the cake." Robin couldn't help the joke, and raised her eyebrows at him with a small smirk. If he  _ was _ feeling better already, maybe a little humor could do the rest.

" _ Obviously  _ it was the cake _ … _ " He drawled with an unimpressed expression that was so obviously badly feigned that it looked entirely intentional, and it was followed by another not-smirk that was almost a real one. 

"Maybe I should share my cake with you more often, then. Not only when you've had a day that leads McGonagall to make the dramatic announcement that you're indisposed." 

"Did she, actually?"

"She did. But most students believe that it was an excuse she came up with to cover up that you didn't want to teach us dunderheads something as pathetic as dancing." 

"Good. Let them believe that, it's preferable to them knowing the truth." 

"I had no intention to correct them." Robin shrugged, but then her smile dimmed down as she thought of the past day. "I hadn't believed so myself though, you know… No matter how much you dread teaching something or someone, you've never bailed out of anything for as long as I've known you. I just couldn't see you starting to do so today."

"And yet you did not ask for my reasons." 

"We've been at that point already… You said that you wouldn't have answered anyway."

"Indeed, I wouldn't have."

"So?"

"So what?"

"Why do you bring it up again? What's the point in stating that I didn't do something you didn't want me to do in the first place?"

"Does there have to be a point?"

"There usually is with you. You hardly ever do something that's pointless. You always have a reason."

"Do I now?" He lifted an eyebrow at Robin in amusement, but instead of a smirk his lips formed a smile. It was actually quite a beautiful sight, even if oh so rare.

"At least you pretend that you do." Robin shrugged in return, with a mirroring smile that lit up her face on its own account.

"You spend too much time with me if you figured that out."

"Would you prefer for me to pretend that I still believe you to be who you pretend you are?"

"And where would be the point in that?" Now he raised both his eyebrows at her in question, and Robin couldn't help laughing. "Actually, I would prefer for you not to pretend at all."

"As if I would. As if I  _ could. _ " She rolled her eyes with a huff. "I don't even pretend to myself that I have even the slightest idea who you actually are."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean that I am well aware that I don't know anything about you." She stated calmly, with a small smile. He really had no idea where she was going with this, and she liked that quite a lot. "I know  _ you,  _ but only ever a little better than you want me to. I know nothing  _ about _ you."

"You already know me quite a lot better than most other people."

"Maybe, and that is quite overwhelming to think in itself, but it's not the point."

"What is the point then?"

"The point is that I respect that you do not want me to know, be it for the sake of appropriateness or any other. Which is why I usually don't ask about your personal matters. Or about your reasons." She finished with the same small smile, but with a pointed expression directed at Snape. Now he surely must get what she was doing.

"Sneaky." He gave her a small glare that wasn't actually backed up by anything of substance though.

"You distracted from my question about your stating of my lack of question, and I merely led us back to it." She shrugged innocently. "If you're gonna be sneaky, I can be too."

"You certainly can. Consider me impressed."

"So?"

"So what?" 

Robin groaned and leaned her head back to stare at the ceiling in mostly feigned annoyance and a little real one. Did he really want to go through this entire conversation again?! But she had to admit that he was good at evading topics he didn't want to talk about. Maybe she should just give in and forget about it. Would probably be the best idea.

"You know what… nevermind. It doesn't matter." She sighed and finally turned her head back to look at him, only to find that he wasn't sitting in his chair anymore. Instead her eyes followed him over to the desk to her left, and she watched how he snatched a piece of parchment out from under a large stack of books before returning to sit across from her at last. Then he placed the paper in front of her, and Robin could identify it as a fairly short letter at last. The moonlight was long gone, but it was slowly starting to dawn, and the new light sufficed to make out the words on the page.

"What's this?" Robin asked before her eyes would be tempted to simply read, and intentionally kept her gaze locked with his to avoid just that.

"My reason."


	32. Changing Tides -  Part 7

"What's this?" Robin asked before her eyes would be tempted to simply read, and intentionally kept her gaze locked with his to avoid just that.

"My reason." He stated calmly, but before Robin could even voice any of her protests, he added, "Just get over it and read, will you?"

Thus, Robin merely nodded and finally gave in to her curiosity. The crawling of her skin lingered nonetheless.

_I have been lenient in the past years, but this time I need you to take care of an issue I have with the ministry. I believe you know enough people, have enough connections there. It should be easy for you, and thus the very least I can expect of you after so long. I need you to clear up the charges held against me for good, as soon as possible._

_Happy birthday,_

_Mom_

For a moment, Robin kept staring at the words as she waited for them to start making sense to her. When they didn't, she started with the only thing she understood.

"It's your birthday?" She asked in a weirdly croaky tone that was rather reflective of the disconcerting and cold irritation she felt after reading this.

"No." 

"Then consider me entirely confused." Robin's brows furrowed in both concern and insecurity, and she probably conveyed just that as she looked up at Snape at last. He didn't seem uncomfortable at all, even though they were moving into yet uncharted territory. 

"My mother seems to be involved in some kind of conflict with the ministry, but I have no idea what it is about. We haven't spoken a word in many years." He explained with a sigh. "But she seems to believe that I will see to it that whatever charges are held against her will be dropped."

"Will you?"

"Of course not. I have no intention to get involved in whatever business she has gotten herself into this time. Even if she seems to believe that I must."

"She, uhm… she didn't really phrase her request all that nicely." 

"She never has. It seems to be a common mode of speech in pureblood families."

"Oh, so you're…?" She couldn't really bring herself to say it, and she blamed herself for sounding so surprised. It wasn't even unlikely!

He sighed again, rolled his eyes to himself about something, and then leaned back in his chair. "No. My father, _unfortunately,_ is a muggle."

"...unfortunately?" 

"I meant to say that it's unfortunate that he is my father, not that there is an issue with my father being a muggle." He clarified immediately though, as he obviously only now realized that what he'd said might actually be misunderstood. "He isn't what you would call a decent man."

"Seems like an odd couple…" Robin mused before she could help it.

"You could say that, yes. They split years ago; I haven't spoken to either since."

"So this is the first thing you hear from your mother after years of silence?"

"Yes."

The thought angered Robin with a start, and she frowned down at the paper she was still holding in her hands. Sure, her own mother wasn't perfect either, but this woman was just… horrible. Why would someone talk to him like this?! And as it seems, she had always done so. The thought filled Robin with immediate hatred for a person she didn't even know, and it urged her to act.

"Sorry if it's not my place to, but I just have to say that I can't stand this woman." She spoke in an instant, and she meant it to the very bottom of her heart. "I might not know her, but I still think she's a terrible person."

"That is the very conclusion I came to as well." He replied with a small smirk. "And the very reason why I will not help her. She has no right to demand that of me."

"She seems to believe that she does, for some reason I don't understand."

His expression fell into that of disdain, but it was not directed at Robin. "In… my childhood it was expected of me that for my birthday I give a gift to my parents. To prove my gratitude for what they sacrificed for me. It was a pathetic excuse for their own craving for recognition, and it seems that my mother remembered it just in time to wrap her demand in a veil of her own nostalgia."

Robin didn't know what to reply to that; she merely stared at him in a way that couldn't possibly convey her thoughts. What he'd just said was terribly sad on its own already, and together with everything else she was learning right now, it painted a heartbreakingly bleak picture of his childhood, and his family. Even if the fact that he actually shared all this with her was delightful, Robin was very far from happy. But she also was far from pity, because pity was for people who had lost and given in. And he was the very opposite of that.

"Why now? You said that it's not even your birthday…" She finally asked, and even though she didn't want to be inquiring for more than he was willing to share, it still was better than anything else she could have said in return.

"No, but it is my father's. That obviously is close enough, if it's not all the same anyway."

And here Robin was, thinking that her own parents didn't care. Her heart broke even more for him, and she finally understood why he'd been so upset all day. She could only imagine that hearing from someone after such a long time, especially in a way like this, brought back memories, no matter if they're good or bad. In this case, they seemed to be even worse. But he had moved past it enough to even tell her about it, which was something she still couldn't believe was happening.

"When is _your_ birthday then?" She finally wondered, leaning her head to the side with a small smile. Maybe they could move past the darkness, but keep the honesty.

"Why do you want to know that?" He frowned, slightly doubtful but not defensive.

"I'm trying to win an argument." Her smile widened ever so slightly as his frown deepened. "Wasn't that what you said about telling people when my birthday was?"

"It was indeed, but I do not see how you could win an argument by knowing on which day I was born."

"No, but by proving to you that it's not all the same. Because to me it isn't." 

"Will you stop bugging me if I tell you?"

"No." She replied easily, with a smile in return to his exaggerated eye rolling. "Where would be the point in that?"

"I was born on the ninth of January in nineteen sixty, in a town called Cokeworth in England. Are you content now?" He sighed in annoyance that might have been feigned or real, or maybe both.

"I am indeed. Was that really so difficult?" 

"Yes." He stated in absolute seriousness, in honesty, and Robin immediately felt bad for pushing him into telling her. Just what she had _not_ wanted to do.

Her eyes clearly reflected her regret, but she held his gaze nonetheless. "I… I shouldn't have asked. I'm sorry."

"I am not."

"Huh?" At that, Robin's eyebrows rose in surprise.

"I am not sorry that you asked. However I'm not used to conversing about my personal matters, nor do I usually choose to. So this really is… _difficult,_ as you put it." He replied calmly, and Robin felt like she could finally breathe again.

"I didn't mean to be difficult."

"You challenge me, that is entirely different."

"Good different or bad different?"

"That would depend on the person you ask."

"I'm asking you."

"I wouldn't like you half as much if you wouldn't challenge me."

Robin's lips curled into an unstoppable smirk. "So you admit that you do actually like me?"

"I take that back. You are insufferable and I cannot stand you."

"You know that you like me." She couldn't help grinning, especially at his feigned annoyance. It really was reassuring on so many levels.

"Unfortunately." He sighed with a not-smirk, and Robin's heart did an instant happy dance. That he did in fact like her wasn't news, but he had never straight out admitted it before. That was enough reason for her heart to soar. "But do not believe that this… redundant discussing of my personal affairs will be a regular thing now. I was cruelly bribed with cake tonight."

"I really should bring you cake more often then."

"You can try." 

"I will."

"I know." He huffed, but with the tiniest of smiles that made it rather clear that he wasn't actually opposed to the idea. Robin wouldn't push him though, not tonight and not in the future. It was just like with the sassing… there was a line that could be walked at times like this, but it should never be crossed. And just to be safe now, Robin moved a step away back into safer territory. She had learned so much about him, and he had shared more about himself tonight than in the past few years combined. That was already quite enough to turn Robin's insides into a puddle of mushy tingles.

"Do you see the dawn from in here more often?" She asked after a while, and watched the light of morning creeping through the small window more and more. It was incredibly cool toned, especially in comparison to the usual candlelight she had lived by for the past days, but it also brought a breath of serenity into the office. 

"Rarely. Hardly ever."

"Neither do I. See the dawn, I mean."

"Unsurprisingly, I only ever stay up until dawn when you happen to get yourself in trouble."

"Today I didn't." Robin complained lightly with a chuckle, and the desire to go out into the courtyard to watch the sunrise bubbled up within her mind. Probably it was too cloudy for that though, especially now in December.

"Indeed. This time I kept you up all night, which hardly makes it any better, if not all the worse."

"I prefer it, actually. It makes the break of day quite the bit more enjoyable." 

"Still I do not like the fact that you lost sleep because you spent the entire night helping me."

"I absolutely do not mind in the least. Not at all." Robin took her eyes off the window and looked back to Snape at last. "I would do it again any time."

"Would you now?"

"Yes. I would even be happy to." The ease of her voice that yet conveyed absolute certainty lingered in the room for a moment, as its soundless echo was louder than the silence. Snape looked like he was actually short for any decent reply for once, and Robin understood that. She didn't know what she would have wanted him to reply either.

"Will you at least promise me that you will use today to rest?" He finally asked, and Robin sighed.

"I can't. Sorry…" 

"Whyever not? Do you have work to do?"

"No, but I have made another promise, and that makes it impossible to do what you ask for. I make no promises I know I cannot keep."

"What would that be about?" It wasn't an accusatory question, nor a demanding inquiry, but rather sincere curiosity, and Robin had to smile at that. She didn't _have to_ explain herself if she didn't want to, it was her choice. Right now, they were nothing more and nothing less than two people having a chat.

"I promised Cas and Jorien that I would tutor them today, and that usually takes a while. They couldn't find decent books on their current topic, so I will have to teach them a few things myself."

"What subject?"

"Potions, actually." Robin couldn't help smiling at him, and once he raised an eyebrow she straight out laughed. "I told them not to use the textbook for assignments, so now I have to deal with the consequences of that."

"There _are_ decent books on the current second year topic, you know that." He pointed out, but Robin's grin still didn't falter.

"I do know, and I gave them one to start with last night. But as far as I'm aware they have to turn the essay in on Monday, and I can hardly have them read all of my books before then."

"So you will teach them the topic."

"Yes."

"In _my_ subject."

"Yes…?"

"Doesn't that count as cheating?"

"Not if you don't tell the professor." Robin replied with a smirk, and for once she got a chuckle in return. "No but seriously, I don't write their essays for them. I give them information on all subjects they come asking about, and what they do with it is their own business."

"And today you promised to give them a lesson in potions."

"Yes. Right after breakfast so that they can use the afternoon to write the essay. Speaking of breakfast, I believe it has already started… Should we be going?"

"Since neither you nor I are obviously going to find any rest until afternoon, we might as well."

With a smile, Robin rose to her feet and together they made their way towards the great hall in comfortable silence. However before they passed through the huge doorway and thereby into the line of sight of other people, Snape turned to Robin once more.

"Seeing as I obviously could never convince you to break your promise to your roommates, I was wondering if you, perhaps, would be willing to include a few other students in your tutoring today. I happen to have three or four other second years in mind who could use some extra help with the current topic in my class." 

"I… have never tried to tutor so many people before, especially not people I don't even know. But sure, if I'm gonna talk about the topic already, I guess I don't mind if a few more people profit from hearing it. If you really think that's a good idea…"

"I do indeed. I shall see to it that the individuals I have in mind will find their way to my classroom after breakfast; it should be preferable to any other place in the castle for this occasion. And I have work to attend to in my office anyway."

Robin's lips curled into a smile before she knew, then into a smirk as she caught on to what he was doing there. "Sneaky." She said, and didn't even try to hide her amusement. "I'll gladly tutor a few more people, and I'll very gladly use your classroom for it. But you know, you could have just asked if you wanted to keep an eye on what I teach them. Or simply admit that you're curious."

Snape gave her a glare that did nothing but make her smirk even more, then he turned back towards the door with a not-smirk of his own. "You _do_ spend too much time with me indeed."

"Not nearly enough." Robin wasn't sure if he still heard her words or not, as he pushed the doors open to make his way towards the head table with the perfect facade of cold indifference he always seemed to wear around everyone but her. 

But it didn't matter if he had heard her after all, and Robin made her way towards her own table with a lingering smirk. If he wanted to see her taking over his classroom, she would gladly do him the favor. But first, coffee.

_______________

Sooner than it seemed like it should, the day that was long anticipated for most, and long dreaded for few finally arrived. The day of the New Year's ball… a nuisance as always, especially during breakfast and lunch, for the solemn topic of discussion seemed to be who went with whom, and who would be wearing what. Had Robin not been so determined to keep Snape company again, she would actually have fled the castle for the day. Asked for permission to camp in the gardens, perhaps. 

But she had decided that she would attend for his sake, and this year she had come somewhat prepared in terms of clothing at least. During summer she had not felt like it would be necessary to actually go out and buy a suitable dress, which she did kind of regret by now, but instead she'd packed what she had also worn to the conference: the green blouse and the high-waisted skirt. It had seemed like a good idea back then, and even if it seemed a bit underwhelming now, Robin figured that it wouldn't actually matter. She'd just go sit in her corner again, and nobody would see what she was wearing anyhow.

So that's what she did once she arrived down in the great hall, finding herself an empty table way off to the side once again. Nobody paid her attention, and she in return paid close attention to everyone once she was seated. The procedure of the night had been changed in hindsight to last year, and once Dumbledore had made an official welcoming speech, the first dance was announced and only then the music actually started. And as it seemed, the dancing lessons had paid off, for the floor was literally crowded with couples eager to partake in this first dance. 

That was also when Snape found Robin, only moments after Dumbledore's speech –as the only 'official' part of the night– had ended with applause. Without a word he sat down next to her as if it was the most natural thing in the world, and it actually felt like just that indeed. For a while they simply listened to the music in silence, for appropriateness' sake while the first dance was still taking place. But when the last notes passed and the overall chatter in the room picked up in noise instead, they went along with it.

"You are wearing the same… pieces you wore to the conference last summer." He stated first, and Robin let out a humored huff.

"You actually remember that?"

"Only because I received various letters which clearly pointed out the respective addressor's opinion on your choice of garments."

"Oh…" Robin felt the heat rising to her cheeks immediately. Yeah, she remembered the variety of reactions as well.

"Most of them were… positive, in case you care to know. Entirely inappropriate, but positive."

"Inappropriate? In which way?" She couldn't help asking, even if she had a rough idea of what he meant. She hadn't forgotten the weird gazes of the man who had been sitting next to her at the conference.

"The way that will not have me say out loud a single word of what was written in those letters." He grumbled more to himself than to Robin, and her cheeks heated up even more in a weird kind of discomfort. But at least it seemed to make him equally uncomfortable.

"I can go and change if what I'm wearing is inappropriate." Robin suggested with a shrug, and tried to force the heat off her face with her own feigned casualness.

"Don't. You do look very… appropriate."

"Alright…"

He didn't reply, and neither did Robin know what to say to break the for once rather uncomfortable silence that had now fallen between them. Compliments weren't his thing, if that wasn't obvious enough, and Robin didn't even know how she would accept one in the first place if it ever came to that.

"Change of topic?" She thus suggested, with a hopeful half smile.

"Please." He sighed immediately in return, and Robin's smile widened into a full one that reached her eyes as well.

For the next three hours they talked about anything and everything, or sometimes not at all for a while, but mostly they made fun of the other people in the room. And just like last year, just like before, nobody actually paid them any attention. People were dancing, chatting with their friends or eating canapes, and generally having a good time by any common standards. They had no mind for the two distant figures in the corner who came up with new creative and artistic ways to mock the people around them by the minute. Which probably was a good thing.

At some point around eleven, Robin stood up from the table for the first time in hours to get them a drink. Not because she'd been eager to mingle with the crowd at the buffet, hell no, but because she had lost a bet about how many times a particularly clumsy Gryffindor boy on the dancefloor would step onto his date's feet. Robin had put a guess on three times, while Snape had been entirely convinced that the boy would step onto his date's dress, not onto her feet. Unfortunately he had been right, and thus Robin made her way through the hall now, in the hope to be back at her table as soon as possible. Yet, she hadn't even reached the buffet when she was stopped in her track.

"Ah, Miss Mitchell!" Professor Dumbledore smiled at her as he very intentionally stepped into her path. "I hope you are enjoying the ball? If I'm not mistaken, I haven't seen you dancing even a single time."

"Good evening, sir." She replied politely, even if she hoped that the conversation would be over before it even got started. "I'm enjoying the ball, but I'd rather stay at my table though."

"I must admit, I was under the impression that you would be here with Mister Weasley tonight."

"Who?" Robin frowned before she could think better of it. She most definitely wasn't attending with anyone, and she didn't plan to change that. She was only here to keep Snape company.

"Professor McGonagall told me that you danced with him during her lesson, and that quite successfully as well. She seems to have gotten the impression that you two would be a good match." 

Oh bloody hell… so that's who he was talking about; the redheaded Gryffindor boy. Robin had no clue how McGonagall had gotten the idea that they would go to the ball together, but the thought alone made her stomach churn. Staffroom gossip was nasty. "Professor McGonagall was wrong, then. She must've been misled by the fact that we didn't trip over our own two feet like most of the other dunderheads. Students, I mean." 

"I see." The headmaster smiled that stupid small smile again, and Robin wanted to know what he really thought. But he was as enigmatic as ever. "A merely professional encounter by chance then?"

"If you want to phrase it like that, yes." Robin's frown stayed on her face as she answered, and the tiny hairs in her neck rose as a cold heat ran down her spine. She crossed her arms over her chest to suppress the shiver. Why was he trying to converse with her in the first place? Surely he must have better things to do.

"Please excuse my curiosity, Miss Mitchell, I merely could not help noticing how much time you spend not only with additional studies beyond the school curriculum, but now also by helping students in the grades below you. Some teachers seem to give you a surprising amount of additional work, and it left me wondering if you are given enough time to pursue your own interests as well. Social ones, in particular."

Robin wanted to scoff at him, but she bit the insides of her cheeks because she knew that she shouldn't. Social interests? Did he mean dating? Friends? His out of context inquiring made her wish to get away from here grow even stronger, and she instinctively thought that her personal matters were none of his business. Unfortunately, they probably were… especially if it concerned the work that was given to her by his staff. Just give him an answer he wants to hear and it will be over. "I certainly have everything I need, sir. The-… " 

"Excuse me for interrupting your conversation so rudely, but I would have to steal Miss Mitchell from you now, headmaster." Snape's deep voice came out of nowhere, and brought an immediate wave of relief to Robin's entire being as he came to stand next to her. Soundless in his movement as ever, he practically radiated a calm collectedness that erased the discomfort of everything else. And yet the relief turned into electric excitement when he placed a hand on the small of her back. Gods, how could something so minor be so reassuring and yet so… exhilarating?

"I see." Dumbledore's smile widened for a second to look almost sincerely amused. "Don't let me stop you then, Severus. I believe I have kept Miss Mitchell from enjoying her evening for long enough." With a courteous nod and the very same enigmatic smile as always, he turned around and then disappeared in the crowd at last.

Robin let out a breath she didn't know she was holding, trying to clear her mind, but her focus remained on the hand that was still resting on her back. Snape's touch was scorching, even through the many layers of fabric, and she had to remind herself to breathe.

"Come." He merely said, and his hand stayed in place even as he led Robin out of the great hall.

"It's still a good while until midnight, isn't it? Is something wrong?" She finally inquired once they slowed down in the candlelit hallway. At least she could speak again now, without her heartbeat filling the silence between every word.

"You looked uncomfortable." He replied, but obviously tried to keep his voice neutral as if simply stating a fact. "I thought I might as well put an end to that."

"I desperately wanted to get away from there, actually. The crowd, I mean, the conversation… the entire situation probably. Thank you for saving me." Robin smiled as she let him lead her down into the dungeons even though she had no idea what he was up to. It didn't matter; she'd gladly go along with about anything right now. Only once they stopped in the middle of a crossing of hallways, his hand finally dropped from her back and Robin immediately missed the subtle touch. Even if its echo lingered on her skin like an imprint.

"You should go and get your warmest robes, it is dreadfully cold out in the wind." He stated as he took a step further into one of the hallways. "Meet me back here in five minutes." Without another word, he walked on and away, leaving Robin alone in the crossing with a frown on her face. It would be another forty minutes until midnight, and the courtyard was mostly shielded from the wind anyway… but she might just as well question him about his plans after she had done as she was told for once. He'd saved her out of the uncomfortable situation with Dumbledore after all. Without wasting more of her now barely four minutes, Robin made for her room that she resided in alone over the holidays, as always, and spontaneously decided that she would change entirely. Instead of the skirt and blouse, she put on her beloved black jeans and a warm jumper, then her boots and at last her winter robes and Slytherin scarf. One minute left… She locked her door with a wordless spell on the go and then ran back through the dorm, through the common room, through the hallways, and finally came to stand in their designated meeting point at the very same time as him. Robin's chest heaved visibly, and yet she made an effort not to pant while the ringing in her ears slowly faded. Geez, running just wasn't for her. Never had been.

Snape merely raised an eyebrow at her in amusement. "Why the hurry?"

"You said be back in five minutes!" She complained, and the lingering rasp of her voice clearly gave away that she didn't engage in such physical activities all too often.

"Since when do you actually listen to what I tell you to do?"

"Good point. I tried, for once."

"You used the time to change; obviously five minutes is fairly little time to do so."

"Well yeah… Whatever we're going to do now, I didn't want to do it in a skirt." Robin shrugged, and her lungs finally stopped burning with every breath she took. "Skirts and cold weather don't exactly work in any combination for me. I'd rather be warm than well dressed."

"Come on then. I would prefer to be gone before the crowd of students takes over the hallways." He said, and they made their way back to where they had come from, back to the entrance hall of the castle. Yet, instead of the great hall, they ventured out into the courtyard, and bloody hell, it _was_ cold indeed. Robin shivered immediately as the cold air blew into her face, and she was only glad that she had changed. Definitely worth the run.

"What was the headmaster's business with you?" Snape finally wondered as they sauntered through the arcades.

"Are you asking or demanding an answer?"

"Asking. I haven't demanded an answer from you in a long time, and I have no intention to do so in the future."

"I appreciate that, just so you know." Robin smiled, mainly because she knew it was true what he said. Then her smile faded as she went to explain. "Professor Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall were under the impression that I would be attending the ball with someone tonight, and I assured him that they were very much mistaken."

"And whom did they have in mind?" 

"I honestly can't even remember his name." Robin said in subtle annoyance at the headmaster for being so assuming indeed. "Some redhead in Gryffindor. I danced with him during McGonagall's lesson, and obviously our common not-failing led her to believe that we were… better acquainted. A lot better."

"Are you?"

"No! As I said, I don't even know his name nor did I care to find out. He was a decent partner for the dance practice, after I snapped at him for being an arse, but that's it. I really didn't see the point in talking to him any more than necessary."

"I can imagine. Vividly."

"Imagine what?"

"You, snapping at someone for being an arse." He said, undoubtedly humored, and when Robin looked up at him he actually was smirking openly for once. 

"Am I that rude usually or where does the vivid impression come from?" She asked with a laugh in return, just as they reached the far corner of the courtyard. The point where the wooden bridge began. With a start, Robin remembered how they had talked about coming here last year on new year's eve, but never again since. And still he had remembered it somehow, as this clearly was just the place he was leading her.

"You snapped at me for being an arse before." He replied easily, still in amusement, and Robin knew exactly which instance he was talking about.

"I won't apologise for that." She said with a glance at him out of the corners of her eyes. This conversation could take a turn very quickly from this point, and she could only hope that it wouldn't.

"I wouldn't want you to." He stated, almost with a smile, then his expression turned back into neutral territory. "However I still have no idea why Professor Dumbledore would make an assumption about your… _company_ , for tonight."

"He said he was worried that I didn't get to spend enough time doing that pathetic stuff other people my age fancy doing. That, perhaps, you give me too much extra work."

"He said that?"

"In other words, but yes."

"And what did you reply?"

"I was going to tell him that I'm perfectly happy with the way things are, but you came to my rescue before I could make that abundantly clear to him."

"Are you though?"

"Am I what?"

"Happy." He spoke the word like it had a foreign taste to him, careful yet deliberate in a way that conveyed an invisible layer of meaning Robin didn't understand. But it was the question itself that surprised her to a point where she was short of any reply. Thus, for now, she didn't say anything at all.


	33. Changing Tides -  Part 8

They came to stand in the middle of the bridge where the wind was whipping around them in icy streams relentlessly, clawing at Robin's skin and making her eyes water as she leaned on her forearms on the railing to look down into the black ravine beneath. It was scary out here indeed, even more so when the wooden construction swayed under the wind's rapid beating. Robin looked up from the dark for a moment, and instead let her eyes lock with Snape's as she motioned for him to come over to the edge as well. For a second he stayed frozen to the spot right in the middle of the path, safe between the railings, but then he moved to stand next to Robin as her gaze had undoubtedly commanded him to. A mere step away, he mirrored her stance and they looked down into the blackness together. 

"Have you ever considered jumping?" Robin eventually asked without a hint of reluctance. He knew how weird her mind could be, at least to a point where the question shouldn't surprise him anymore. "I mean… do you ever hear that calling? From the bottom of the abyss?"

"All the time."

"The allure of the fall, and the promise that comes with it… It's quite tempting, is it not?"

"It shouldn't be. Not to you." His words touched Robin in a way she couldn't explain, and instinctively her eyes returned to the man next to her with the soaring of her heart.

"It shouldn't be to you either. But obviously we don't have that choice." She said, and for a moment observed with a strange fascination how the wind blew his hair around his face like raging black rivers on a bed of white.

"Most people couldn't handle a choice like that."

"To me, the temptation is so much more frightening than the height or the darkness." Robin sighed. "It's ironic… the scariest things are always just a product of one's own mind."

"I agree. Sometimes what we aren't afraid of what _is_ , but of what could be. What we could do, and sometimes even what we want to do. The human mind is the most dangerous place of all." 

"Exactly." Robin said with both a smile and a huff, but the grim look on his face dwindled her excitement in an instant. Maybe it was time for a subtle change of topic. "I haven't actually answered your question from before."

"I am aware."

"Would you still like to know?"

"Obviously."

"Alright…" Robin sighed under her breath, and focused on one single star in the nightsky as she considered her words. "I can truthfully tell you that I am happy with the work we do, and I'm happiest right where I am." 

"Good."

"What about you?" She turned her head to look at Snape once more, directing the inquiry at him and not the night, but she would have been met by black eyes that seemed to look straight into her soul either way. "Are you happy?"

For a long moment he didn't reply at all. He merely held her gaze in a way that made him seem impossibly close to everything Robin tried to hide, while however he was still standing at the perfectly imperfect distance of one large step away. But like a piece of music, his silence created the distance that the unspoken words behind his eyes pulled her through in a chase of an everfleeting melody. Robin's heart was racing; a sharp contrast to her easy facade that became harder to keep up by the second.

"I am closer to happiness than I have been in a long time. Longer than I care to remember." He finally replied, and the statement was both positive and heartbreaking at once. Robin wanted him to be happy, truly. Not just close to it. But she realized that there likely was nothing she could do about that.

"Well, I'm sure you're gonna be even closer to it later, when you can finally get rid of that insufferable person who keeps dragging you out into the cold every new year's eve." She tried to joke instead, actually having to smile at her own sense of humor, thus also smiling at him.

"I doubt that." He replied though, and averted his eyes to peer back out into the distance. "It will rather be a momentary setback." 

Robin's small smile widened inevitably, radiantly taking over her entire face, but she just couldn't help it. Hearing that her presence at least was preferable to him than being alone was enough to make her skin tingle, and her heart boast in her own happiness. Maybe if he thought like that, they really could be friends somehow. Maybe they already were.

"Quit smiling like a fool, you make me regret saying something nice." He grumbled a short moment later, still staring out into the dark, and Robin finally cracked. With her laughter, the entire tension fled into the open night as well, and it left her feeling finally at peace.

"Well, I'm not going to stop. And you better don't regret it either, because it actually made me happy." She grinned up at him in the utmost certainty that he wasn't even annoyed with her for real. "So just get over yourself, will you?"

As an answer he merely turned his head just enough to glare down at Robin, and she had to grin even more as she turned to look ahead now instead. The view really was spectacular, he hadn't promised too much last year. Even if the swaying of the bridge was fairly distracting, and the cold bit horribly into the exposed skin of her face and hands. But it was beautiful just like that, loud from the wind and silent from the night, cold from winter and warm from Snape's presence next to her. 

It couldn't be long now. Minutes, or just seconds until the year would end. And once again they would greet the new year with comfortable, companionable silence. But this time there were no arches, no columns or masses of stone between them that would give either the illusion of solitude. This time, when a year ended and a new one started, when the sound of fireworks could barely be heard over the wind, they stood on the bridge together. 

"Happy new year…" Robin finally spoke up, once the silence had surrendered to her will. "Or at least one that is a bit closer to happy, if that isn't entirely impossible."

"I stopped using the word impossible when I met you."

"Then I will be sure to challenge you another step closer to happiness." Robin smirked, and turned around to lean her back against the railing.

"Please don't." He sighed and rolled his eyes in the typical exaggerated manner as he stepped back from the railing as well, coming to stand in the middle of the path in front of Robin instead.

"I most definitely will." She smiled innocently but brightly, and while she had no idea how she could accomplish that goal, she was absolutely determined that she would indeed.

"If you insist." He sighed and motioned for her to come along back to the castle. As they walked next to each other through the dark, he added, "You could always start by making me coffee when we are back in the dungeons."

Robin let out a snort, then chuckled to herself, and at last nodded with a sigh and a smile. "If that's what it takes, I'll gladly make you coffee for the rest of the year as well."

"Tonight should be quite enough."

"How gracious of you." 

"Why, pray tell, do you have to sass me at any given opportunity?"

"Someone's got to do it." Robin shrugged with a smirk, as they crossed the courtyard where it was actually quite a bit warmer than it had been out on the bridge. Maybe they would better stay in here again next year… but perhaps without all the columns between them.

"You still are truly insufferable!" He grumbled, but his hand returned to the small of her back at almost the same time nonetheless. 

"It's a new year, not a new reality. What did you expect?" She raised her eyebrows with a laugh, and gladly let herself be led towards the dungeons once more. 

"Of you? Absolutely nothing less."

_______________

For Snape's birthday, Robin had actually come up with three little things that she'd hoped wouldn't make him as uncomfortable in a combination as just giving him one obvious gift straight up. For one, she had throughout the day done her utmost to keep people from bothering him. That had basically entailed sitting around in the hallway in front of his office all day and keeping everyone from entering unless they had a _really_ good reason to. An issue that Robin couldn't take care of herself, without getting him involved. Thus she did a good amount of his work, but without his knowledge of course. Only in the evening, when she had 'randomly' brought chocolate cake to have with the usual coffee, she had admitted that she'd seen to it that he had a quiet day. However she only had told him because he had actually been concerned about the absence of the usual idiots throughout the day, and she'd felt bad to be the reason for his concern.

The third and last thing she wanted to give to him now was an actual gift, and she had been looking forward to this part of the present the entire day. With a mischievous smile, she placed a small jar on the table in front of him, which held nothing but a single golden pearl inside. He stared at the object for a few seconds with that intense but undoubtedly surprised gaze, then directed the very same at Robin.

"What is this?" His tone was unusually shallow, and at the same time his eyes spoke volumes to her, in an entirely different language.

"What does it look like?" Robin asked in return, calm to the core, for she had come somewhat prepared for a reaction like this. It was rather understandable, actually, if not even very much reasonable. "It's my gift to you."

"You cannot seriously expect me to accept this."

"Whyever not?"

"Do you have _any_ idea how rare these pearls are?"

"Of course I do." She shrugged with a smile. "That's why I'm giving it to you in the first place. There would be fairly little use in me giving you something you already possess, and as far as I'm aware, you didn't have any Alteria pearls. Until now."

"If you could come by this, it cannot be authentic." He reasoned to himself with a frown, and at last picked up the small jar with a careful touch to inspect the object inside. "These cost more than I could ever afford, and I actually get paid fairly well. Occasionally."

"It is as real as they get, I can promise you that. But if you don't believe me, you can always check for yourself."

"How can you promise something like that?" 

"Because I know where I got it." Robin sighed, but her smile stayed. Maybe he would stop doubting her if she told him how she had acquired it indeed, but that would also kind of take away her own fun in his incredulous expression.

"You _cannot_ give this to me, Robin, no matter where you bought it. It isn't a gift, but a fortune."

"Value is such a stupid concept." She rolled her eyes at him and leaned back in her chair. "This pearl in itself means nothing to me, I could toss it out of the astronomy tower without a second thought and very likely get me another within a day. But it means a lot to you, obviously, and to me that is where it gets its only value. It's only valuable if you keep it, and if it means something to you."

"You have a strange concept of value yourself." He said, but he couldn't beat Robin's arguments. "If you truly want me to consider keeping it, tell me who sold it to you, and how you could convince them to do so."

"I will tell you anything you want to know, but after that you will keep it, as my gift to you, without remorse, yes?"

"We will have to see about the remorse, but if it means so much to you then yes, I will keep it." A pause. "...Just so you stop bugging me."

"Thank you!" Robin rolled her eyes in exaggeration at his late comply, before she sat up straight once more to start explaining with a sigh. "Alright… First of all, you should know that I agree with you of course. Alteria pearls are extremely expensive if you try to buy them, and I am not crazy or rich enough to do that. Or stupid enough, for that matter. It would truly be a waste of money."

"Consider me confused, then."

"It's not at all confusing, actually, it just seems that something very basic escaped your notice for once. Now, before you get all scolding with me, it isn't a _mistake_ , but more of a… negligence of alternatives."

"And your point is?"

"My point is that everyone tries to find a place to _buy_ the ingredients they need, whether that be plants or animals or something like Alteria pearls. People are always looking for the place to buy it cheapest, or to buy it at all. What everyone, including you, seems to forget however is that _finding_ the ingredients by yourself isn't actually all that difficult if you know where to look. I mean sure, there is the school gardens and the greenhouse, or even Hagrid's creatures, but do you ever go out beyond that to find the ingredients you usually would buy?"

"No… As a matter of fact, I do not." He replied with a mild frown that made him seem almost surprised at the realization. Probably he really hadn't considered doing something like that before. Robin smiled at him in silence while he seemed to think it through.

"Obviously not _all_ ingredients can be tracked down without a trip around the world, but you can come by a surprising amount if you put a little time and effort into it." She went on to explain. "What I mean to say is that I didn't buy the pearl. I merely made an effort to find it for you. Sometimes knowledge is more valuable than money."

"No matter what I believe to know about you, you always manage to surprise me." He finally mused, with the faintest of smiles, as he twisted the small jar with the pearl in his hand. "Thank you for this fascinating gift."

"You are most welcome."

"Will you tell me how you found an actual Alteria pearl without leaving the school grounds? I am curious to know." He inquired with a real smile for once, a small one, but it was most definitely there. Robin's heart melted into mushy tingles once again.

"It takes away the entire mystery, but oh well…" She sighed with a mirroring smile and leaned forward as she started to explain. "I bargained with the Merpeople. Legilimency is actually a pretty good form of communication, and while I'm by no means actually good at it, it sufficed to tell them what I wanted and what I could offer in return."

"How did you even get to that point?"

"Plain old research. I'm actually surprisingly good at that." She laughed and brushed a stray piece of hair behind her ear, only for it to immediately untug itself again. "I read that Alteria pearls grow in some weird kind of oyster. It's black and has blue hair on the shell… looks beyond creepy, if you ask me. I still have it somewhere if you would like to see it, but it's rather useless. The condition under which they grow are very similar to the conditions in the deep parts of the black lake, so I thought my chances were good. I figured that the fastest way to find one was to ask the folks who live there. I've had my share of experience in trading though and thus I looked up something that the Merpeople might actually be interested in in return for their assistance."

"And what did you offer them?"

"Music." Robin shrugged with a smile. "I shared a few memories of music I love, and what that music felt like to me. They love music, sirens and selkies and their whole kin."

"I never would have thought of that."

"Well, I never would've thought of cutting something up instead of squeezing it out, or of heating something up before adding it to a potion to keep the temperature steady; all those little things to make the recipe better." She replied with a smile. "Would be pretty dull if everyone was good at the same thing, wouldn't it?"

"It certainly would be less productive for our work." He mused, and then looked at his empty cup in front of him with a risen eyebrow. "More importantly, it would be a shame if my ability to make coffee was as mediocre as yours."

"Sneaky…" Robin chuckled, but already picked up their cups from the table. "But I'll play along and do you the favor to make you coffee to prove how 'mediocre' my skills really are."

"Do feel free to prove me wrong."

"Oh, I will for sure."

_______________

One of the most dreaded things in the fifth year at Hogwarts –besides the inevitable OWLs– was 'the talk', as generations of students had called the career advice meeting that took place around the end of April. It was obviously supposed to show the students possibilities for what they could strive for after school, and which N.E.W.T. classes they would need to take to have a chance at getting into their chosen career path. Mostly, the students dreaded this conversation, for it entailed talk about grades and the future. Two topics most people at 15 or 16 weren't all too fond of.

As Robin discovered, the professors weren't all too fond of the talk either. At least one certain potions professor seemed to be dreading it quite as much as his students, and he made no secret of that fact either. Not in front of Robin at least, and she appreciated his honesty as always, even if she could do fairly little but listen to his complaints about her classmates over coffee on the night before the endless row of conversations would take place. What she could do and _did_ do, however, was to offer that he could skip out on her own career advice session that was planned for late noon and use the time for a break instead. They could always talk about it after dinner over coffee, after all. 

To Robin's surprise he actually deemed the suggestion a good idea and took her up on the offer, which unfortunately meant that Robin had to attend classes for the entire day, while most of the other students could skip out on at least fifteen minutes of classtime themselves. It was a terribly slow day, and Robin was only glad once it was time for dinner. During the meal, the career advice talks were the number one topic of conversation in every house, even among the lower years who listened curiously, and the higher years who shared their own experiences from the years prior. Robin shrugged most of it off and tried to tell herself that it wasn't a big deal, but she honestly dreaded talking about her future like it was some predictable certainty, something she could actually look forward to.

As it turned out, Robin's 'talk' started just like any other conversation she and Snape had every single night anyway. She made them coffee, mainly because he was looking so annoyed with the entire world already that she took pity on him, and they sat in his office at the small table just like they always did these days. 

"So tell me, do you have an idea for what you would like to do after school?" He inquired with a risen eyebrow, and took a sip of his too hot coffee, only to scowl at it a second later.

"Not really. I don't see the point in deciding on something now only to change my mind later. I'll find something when the time comes."

"I'm certain you will."

"Is that how this conversation is supposed to go?" Robin asked with a humored frown, and crossed her arms on the edge of the table as she leaned forward.

"No. But I see no point in telling you what to do, for you will ignore it anyway and do what you yourself deem best."

"Well, what if I don't know that's best?" Her frown lost a bit of the humor in it. "What if I end up homeless under some bridge because I'm not good enough for anything?"

"Are you asking _me_ or yourself?" 

"Nevermind." She grumbled and leaned back in her chair with a start. One brain cell less, and she would've started pouting. He had a point.

"Going by your grades, you indeed are more than good enough at everything you do."

"That doesn't count."

"No?" He quipped, eyebrows raised in feigned surprise, as he went to recite by memory. " _Exceeds Expectations_ in Astronomy, History of Magic and Divination; _Outstanding_ in Charms, Transfiguration, Herbology, Care of Magical Creatures and quite obviously Potions… That does not count for you?"

"You forgot the _Acceptable_ in Defense Against the Dark Arts." Robin mumbled to herself and stared down at her hands in her lap. Yeah, after the incident with the petrification, Morgan had actually dropped her an entire grade without any good reason. That arse…

"That is hardly your fault and you know it as well as I do." Snape said in an almost scolding manner that obviously did nothing to cheer Robin up. "Is it really so hard for you to be proud of your other grades merely because one isn't perfect?"

"Obviously. But I don't expect you to understand that." 

"I believe I do though. Professor Morgan's unfair treatment of you doesn't pass by me without an equal seeping rage."

"But that's not even the point!" Robin groaned under breath, then sighed. "Sorry. Of course I'm angry about Morgan's idiocracy."

"But?"

"But I'm also angry because I don't have perfect grades in every subject. It probably sounds pathetic to you, especially because it doesn't actually matter for anything. I know that the OWLs will make up most of the final grade."

"Then why does it matter so much to you?"

"Because…" She stopped, thought, but still didn't know how to convey what she was thinking. Feeling. "It doesn't matter why it matters."

"To me it does, if it upsets you." He said, and the statement had Robin's heart skip a beat once more. Great… he was getting too good at making her tell him things without actually demanding it of her. It was unfair, when he used kindness to disarm her, and left Robin entirely defenseless.

"If I'm not perfect, I'm not good enough." She sighed, but couldn't bring herself to look him in the eye. "I define myself over my grades and it's stupid and pathetic and still I do it. When I'm not perfect, I'm nothing."

"Do you actually believe that?"

"I don't _believe_ it, I'm not stupid enough to want to think something like that. I just… feel it." She shrugged, and picked at the corner of the table with her fingernail. "I always have."

For a moment, it was quiet. Snape didn't say a single word, until Robin finally gave in and looked up to meet his eye. "I am surprised." 

"By what?" She asked right back, surprised herself that he didn't straight out tell her how stupid that was indeed.

"You give yourself so confident, and yet you tell me that you think so little of yourself." A pause, a shared glance, a million things unspoken but one. "I had no idea that you were so ridden by self-doubt."

"Sorry to disappoint." Her voice was but a whisper, her tone cold as ice as her gaze dropped back down to the black liquid in her cup. After a moment, it blurred together with the rest of the table, and then the entire thing was washed away by tears at last.

"You are disappointing no one but yourself." Snape finally said. "And you are prone to keep doing so if you measure yourself by impossible standards."

"You were the one who told me to be better! What did you think would happen?!" 

"I expected you to push yourself, yes!" He snapped back with an irritated expression. "But you cannot blame this on me. I never wanted you to be perfect."

"Good for you, because I only would have disappointed you in that as well."

"As well as in what?"

"I don't know! Everything?!" She huffed and rolled her eyes to herself. "I may be quite good at school, _alright_ , but what else is there to be proud of?! I'm terrible at dealing with people, nobody in my grade even _talks_ to me anymore, and I'm probably the worst Slytherin there ever was! I'm _nothing_ like the other people in this house! The stupid hat probably made a mistake by putting me here in the first place."

"You are right. You are nothing of what the general public expects of people in Slytherin. They are supposed to be lazy and irresponsible, arrogant, ignorant and most of all, so very proud of their heritage that they dismiss every thought of being just as flawed as everyone else."

"Thank you for summarizing it so very eloquently." Robin huffed again, but the general unease she felt just wouldn't make way for brighter thoughts.

"That however does _not_ mean that you do not belong in this house." He simply ignored her comment and went on with a pointed look at her instead. "You are intelligent, resourceful, ridiculously loyal to those you deem worthy of it, and determined to reach any and every goal you set for yourself. And if that loyalty, ambition and passion of yours aren't some of the core principles of Slytherin, I would be ashamed to be the head of a house that values those qualities less than egotism and pride."

"Maybe. It doesn't matter." Robin said, even though she didn't believe her own words. Everything he said mattered to her, and especially if it was something that made her heart soar like that. But her brain was stuck in a downward spiral that it would take more to escape from than this.

"Then what _does_ matter? Can you tell me that?" He sighed and leaned back in his chair in what looked a whole lot like defeat. Was he truly giving up on her already?

"No." Robin whispered, and her eyes filled with tears again, simply because of how pathetically annoying she was being. "I'm sorry… maybe I should just go."

"Don't even think that I would let you leave like that." He was quick to reply, and Robin slumped back down in her chair before she'd even gotten the chance to get up.

"Because we haven't finished the talk yet?" She asked with a sigh, and went back to picking at the edge of the table.

"Because you clearly are upset, and I have every intention to change that before I let you leave." He said, and Robin actually had to smile a little at his words. However when he got up from his chair, her eyes followed him to the door with a frown. "I will be back in a moment. You should use the time to think about what it really is that troubles you so much. Then perhaps we can solve the issue when I return."

"Where are you going?" 

"You will see." With that, he closed the door behind himself and left Robin alone in the office. 

A few minutes later, or more like a good while later, he returned and Robin immediately had to smile. He had brought chocolate cake.

"Have you thought about what the real problem is?" Snape finally asked, as they were both chipping off pieces of the cake that he'd placed in the middle of the table between them.

"I'm probably just having a bad day. Somehow, everything makes me nervous and then I say something wrong and then I get angry with myself… And then there's the whole career advice thing on top."

"I believe the cake might be a start on the generally bad day, but you will have to elaborate on what concerns you about the career advice if I shall be of any help to you."

"Alright…" Robin sighed, then finally looked up from the intricately decorated cake fork in her hand. "The whole 'talking about the future' thing is giving me anxiety. I mean, I do have good grades _now_ , but I'm just so scared of failing when it actually comes to something important. And talking about OWLs and N.E.W.T. classes and careers is important enough to panic over. I just try to spare myself the disappointment of making plans and then finding out that I'm not good enough for any of them."

"That is reasonable and yet ridiculous. You haven't ever failed any classes before, not even a single essay in my class, which is remarkable enough on its own… What makes you believe that you might fail now?"

"Nothing in particular. It might be general anxiety, or just my own pessimism. Everyone is scared to fail though, so maybe I'm just being dramatic. Maybe I care too much about being better than everyone else."

"It might surprise you, but not nearly everyone cares about their work and their future as much as you do. Not nearly everyone has the capacity to care so deeply about anything at all, actually." 

"Are you saying that it's a good thing that I panic over possibly screwing up my future?"

"Not necessarily a good thing, but it certainly makes you who you are. People are shallow, and you are the very opposite. I for my part have always had quite a distaste for shallow people. So you might actually consider your ways a good thing, yes." He stated, and waited for her to look at him before he continued. "You have absolutely no reason to be concerned, Robin. Your grades would make anyone go green with envy and I have no doubt that your OWLs will look even better than your current record. If you do not believe your own success up to this point, then perhaps you can at least believe me. And I am absolutely certain that you will achieve anything you set your mind to."

Robin's lips curled into a smile, and she found that she had to believe him no matter what. She wanted to believe him. Maybe worrying too much was a disadvantage she would have to live with if it meant she was granted to have passion in return. And oh, she had so much to be passionate about. So much to care about. Maybe she should pick out some N.E.W.T. classes indeed.

"Perhaps we should start over." He said after a moment, and sat up straighter in his chair. "Do you have an idea what you would like to do after school?"

"I'm always open for suggestions." Robin smiled in return, and her heart did that silly thing again where it probably could be heard in the entire room. "All I know is that I want to do something with potions. And different ingredients."

"Why am I not even remotely surprised?"


	34. Changing Tides -  Part 9

"Do I  _ have _ to?!"

"Yes."

"But WHY?"

"Because being better than everyone else comes at the price of studying more than everyone else. It's as simple as that, and if you want to be better, you'll have to practice." Robin replied with a small smirk which she tried to hide though as she placed the apple in her hand back on the book in front of her where she had taken it from moments ago. "Another ten times."

"Sometimes I hate you, Robin. This is boring as hell!" Jorien sighed, but did as she was told anyway. She was sitting across from Robin on one of the otherwise deserted wooden benches in the spectators' stands of the Quidditch pitch, with her legs crossed underneath her just like Robin herself was sitting. Her closed textbooks in a stack in between them made for a makeshift table, a pedestal for the apple which was soon to be charmed. 

It was a quiet Saturday afternoon close to the end of May, and Robin and Jorien had decided to move their weekly tutoring session outside for once, onto the ranks of the Quidditch stadium, while the Slytherin house team was having a practice before the last game of the term next week. Cas had made it into the team in the beginning of the year, and while neither Robin nor Jorien understood what she liked about the sport, they had for once come out here today as moral support. 

The ranks were almost completely empty, the high towers closed off as always between games, and thus it was merely Robin and Jorien sitting in the spectators' ring surrounding the pitch. Nobody else was stupid enough to be out here to watch a mere bloody practice... Robin was no fan of the game, admittedly, and neither of the stadium as a place to work, but Jorien had wanted some fresh air as a change to the dungeons for once, and thus Robin had let herself be dragged out against her preference. And she had regretted it immediately. The warmth and bright light made her dizzy, the bench she was sitting on had seen better days, and she was only too glad that she only had to give instructions and see to it that Jorien followed them correctly. 

Today they were revising the second year charms for the upcoming exams, and Robin actually found herself fairly amused to let Jorien enlarge an apple to the size of a pumpkin and then shrink it down to a pea. Slowly, that is, which was way more difficult than having it just switch size with a start. It required great focus on one's own magic and the object of choice, and she thought it important for the young girl to learn this now instead of in the middle of next year when everyone else would. Focus was absolutely vital, and the sooner she learned that the better.

While Jorien practiced her spells and obviously tried very hard not to throw the apple as far away as she could instead of changing its size, Robin observed the Quidditch practice. More specifically, she tried to observe Cas, because she didn't care about anyone else on the team enough to risk getting her eyes scorched out by the sun for them.

"Robin?"

"Yes?" She answered Jorien, but kept her eyes in the sky to seek out which one of the small black spots could be Cas.

"Why are you so good at this?" Jorien asked in as close to a whine as Robin had ever heard from her.

"Because I'm three years ahead of you. I've simply had more time to study magic. Obviously I'm better at it."

"No, I mean… why are you so good at making us learn things? I hate you for being so strict about it, but it  _ does  _ work."

"I don't know." Robin shrugged and squeezed her eyes together as the sun hit them full force once again. She knew why she preferred rainy weather; perhaps she should consider buying some sunglasses. "I don't try to make you learn, I just like to talk about the subjects."

"Is that why we're basically two years ahead in everything related to potions and herbology, but not in history of magic, for example?" 

"Yeah." Now Robin couldn't keep the smirk to herself. "I love potions and everything related to it. Could talk about it all day, every day. I probably do, actually."

"You certainly do. God knows why… I find the class barely bearable, and only because Professor Snape isn't as mean to us as to the others. Because he likes you."

"I find that hard to imagine." Robin said and found herself glad for the first time that her face was red from the heat anyway.

"That he's nice to us or that he likes you?"

"I know that he likes me, and I expect him to be nice to you if you're nice to him, but I doubt that there is a connection between those two."

"You  _ expect  _ him to be nice?! I don't know in which world you're living, honestly. He is really scary and mean most of the time, and he usually snaps at people for literally no reason."

"Believe me, he usually has a reason." Robin snorted and shook her head as she finally looked at Jorien once again. "But that reason doesn't always make sense to anyone but him. He isn't an easy person to understand, and he sees to it that no one does."

"You do understand him though, don't you? I mean… you spend an awful lot of time with him, so you guys have to get along somehow."

"We do get along. It isn't always the easiest thing, but we're making progress." And somehow, Robin thought, they had simply refused to give up on each other for so long that by now they were at a point where they had adapted to each other's flaws enough for their rough edges to fit together. Very well even, at least in Robin's eyes. Maybe that was just her feelings getting in the way of her judgement, but would they be working together this successfully if they didn't function well together anyway? Robin shook her head to push the thought back into the depth where it had come from.

"But…  _ how _ ?! Can you tell me that secret?" Jorien asked with more curiosity than Robin would've liked.

"You are trying to distract me, and I can tell you that it's not working. The apple, ten times." She said, and gave Jorien a pointed look.

"But I've already done two! You just weren't looking."

"Have you now? In that case, start over. Twelve times. Starting by one again. Now." Perhaps, Robin thought, she was being too strict about this. But if Jorien couldn't focus for the mere twelve minutes it would take to make the stupid apple grow and shrink twelve times, then she would run into serious problems sooner or later. Charms weren't Jorien's problem, they never had been, it rather was her lack of focus when she didn't deem something important enough. So doing a boring task over and over again might seem like a punishment, but Robin was only trying to get her to concentrate. Even if the task was easy.

This time Jorien didn't complain, only sighed, and actually did fifteen times the task just to prove to both of them that she could. Robin didn't say it, but she knew that she would probably have done the same thing if the roles had been reversed, and she felt very much pleased with Jorien for that ambition. But she also believed that they had done enough practicing for today, especially out in the sun like this, and thus they packed up before finally observing the practice game of Quidditch going on in front of them.

While Jorien seemed almost genuinely curious about the fast pace at which their housemates scored points, Robin found her only entertainment in watching someone getting hit by the bludgers. It just made her snicker to see some of the people she couldn't stand get hit by very heavy flying balls. They should make a sport out of that alone, because then Robin would definitely enjoy watching the games a whole lot more. The visual she had of it in her head alone was more entertaining than the current Quidditch game in the real world, and Robin snorted to herself as she watched imaginary people get knocked off their imaginary brooms by imaginary bludgers.  _ That  _ was fun. Snape would love it, even if he'd never admit it, and Robin made a mental note to tell him about it later. She just loved to make him smirk or even smile sometimes, for it always seemed to brighten up her whole world for a while. And he probably did smile more often these days indeed, when he thought that Robin wasn't looking, but she'd caught him often enough to know. A smile was on her lips before she knew.

"Asshole!!!" Jorien's yell snapped Robin out of her mind with a start, but before she had the time to fully register what or who the girl was yelling at, her eyes were drawn to the bludger that came speeding right into their direction. 

Robin grabbed her wand from the waistband of her jeans, but Jorien was faster to direct hers at the iron ball with a shaking hand. " _ Engorgio _ !" 

Robin's blood froze over with a start when she realized what Jorien had said, but the shock sat so deep in her bones that it robbed her of any ability to react. All she could do was watch how the bludger grew to the size of a wrecking ball in an instant, before it crashed straight through the wooden construction below them with a thunder of demolition. Robin's eyes met Jorien's for a broken second of shared panic, then the stand below them gave way as the entire construction collapsed in itself. One last spark of an instinctive need to act grabbed Robin, as adrenaline accompanied her fall, and she threw a blind spell at Jorien without any fathomable thought in her mind about what she did. When everything went black, she couldn't remember anything but fear.

… … … 

Pain ripples through her body, piercing her from left to right with heated blades that covered her skin in a layer of cold sweat. Robin felt nauseous to the core when her eyes snapped open.

"I don't know what is wrong with her!" An exasperated yell cut through Robin's eardrums and she groaned. What's going on…?

"But we need to do something before her heart rate drops too low, so  _ think  _ of something!" Someone else yelled back, but the voices were moving away rather than closer to her. They weren't talking about Robin… oh god. Jorien!

Robin sat up with a start, yelping in pain as she did, as she scanned the room with frantic eyes in search for her roommate. The collapse, the fall… it came back to Robin with a start, and she went on to ignore her pain as she struggled to her feet. Jorien had been put into the infirmary bed next to hers, and even though it was surrounded by various people trying to help, Robin saw enough. Oh no… this was all her fault. 

"You shouldn't be up!" Someone addressed Robin as soon as she stepped to stand next to Jorien's bed. "You  _ must _ lay back down in this instant until we have inspected your injuries!"

"Don't bother, I'm fine." She replied with a frown, and had to realize that speaking made her feel even more sick. Gods, her entire body hurt. But she was alive, wasn't she? That was good enough for now. Jorien in the bed in front of her perhaps wouldn't be so lucky. She seemed to be petrified, but also not really… Robin's vision went out of focus for a moment, and she aggressively blinked to get her eyes to function again.  _ She _ needed to function, damnit! Jorien's eyes were wide open, her lips parted in a silent scream, and her hair floated around her head in slow motion. "What's wrong with her?"

"We don't know, she was floating in the air while we found you lying in the shatters. She was almost motionless, just like this. Frozen in time…" The nurse with the oddly blurry face replied, and tried to push Robin back down onto her own bed. Robin however had no intention to let her do so, and simply stepped around her with a shiver. Her head was spinning… but she knew that she had to help Jorien. She knew that this was her fault, all of this. She had pushed the girl too far in her practice of the stupid charm. She'd failed to protect her from her own mistake.

"I… I did this." She managed to say in a decently steady voice, and the more she focused, the more she could suppress her nausea and even the burning pain. They could deal with that later. "Before we fell."

"And what exactly did you do?!" Madam Pomfrey asked from the other side of the bed, and let her hands drop from Jorien's neck. "Her heart is very close to not beating anymore, so you better tell me right in this instant!"

Robin blinked a few times, and finally felt her mind clicking into work mode. She moved from her position in the middle of the beds to stand directly above Jorien and across from Madam Pomfrey. "You have tried the anti-paralysis potion, yes?"

"Of course, but it has shown no effect! What did you do to her?"

"It should have worked…" Robin frowned and dug through her memory for a moment, but she couldn't remember what she had done, what had happened. There was nothing, her mind was blank from the moment on when she had looked into Jorien's terrified eyes. "But she is definitely paralyzed rather than petrified. It should be working."

"It doesn't, so lay back down and let us try to save her in another way!" The matron snapped at Robin, who however couldn't care less about what the woman said. The stabbing in her side made it hard to breathe and even harder to think, but Robin only had to look at the girl in front of her and her own guilt and fear pushed any haze out of her mind. Focus… she took a deep breath. What was the problem? The potion wasn't working. Why wasn't the potion working?  _ Not  _ because it was faulty. Which means… Jorien must have something in her system that neutralized one of the ingredients of the potion! But what could it be? Geez… there were endless possibilities. 

"Perhaps we should-... Ah, Professor!" Madam Pomfrey said in a relieved voice. "Good that you show up at all at last!"

"What is this entire ordeal about that my presence was demanded so insistently?" Snape's deep voice finally had Robin look up from Jorien's floating hair, and the room was spinning again at her movement. But her eyes found his nonetheless, and she could tell that his expression went from annoyance to a brief second of shock, then back to the thickest neutral facade. "What happened?"

"Later. Right now we have to keep Miss Blakeley alive." Madam Pomfrey shut his demand for answers right down and turned back to Jorien. "The anti-paralysis potion had no effect, and if we don't find another solution quickly, then-..."

"No, we don't need another solution!" Robin interrupted her with a tone as determined as she could manage. Her entire left side felt like someone had poured liquid fire over it at this point, her throat raw as if cut open and then stabbed her with a million daggers more. "We need Kalinistra." 

"Not now, Miss Mitchell, just move aside and let us do our work!" Pomfrey scolded her, and the nurse next to Robin once again tried to subtly get her to sit down at least, but Robin pushed her hands away and suppressed another whine at the harsh movement.

"I am doing your bloody work for you and if you had any sense in you, you would just do as I say!" She groaned, and blinked the tears away that had sprung to her eyes. "Jorien has a substance in her system that neutralises the potion, and we have to get rid of that."

"Good point, go on." Snape replied instead of the matron, before she or any of the others could even try to put an end to Robin's explanation once again.

"If you look at the… ingredients in the anti-paralysis potion, you see that… that it's mainly based on herbs somewhat related to Pellatium. What neutralizes Pellatium would be something like Mandrake root, and-..."

"And Kalinistra would erase any trace of Mandrake." Snape concluded before Robin could, and she started to nod before she had to stop when it made her ears ring and her head feel like exploding. Another wave of cold sweat broke over her skin, and her breathing grew more shallow by the second.

"Miss Blakeley came here yesterday for some Pepperup Potion, actually…" The nurse said quietly, and all eyes flew to her in an instant.

"That's about seventy percent Mandrake,  _ just so you know. _ " Robin huffed, then rolled her eyes, and regretted it immediately. 

"And you couldn't have mentioned that twenty minutes ago when she was brought here?!" Madam Pomfrey scolded her young colleague, but then turned to Snape. "So your suggestion would be to give the girl Kalinistra and then another dose of the anti-paralysis potion?"

"It is Miss Mitchell's suggestion, but I absolutely agree." He replied with a glare down at the matron next to him. "Didn't you say time was scarce? I would suggest you get started then."

As Madam Pomfrey and the nurse jumped into action, Snape moved out of their way and instead came to stand next to Robin. She noticed his presence close by her side, but kept her eyes fixed on Jorien while waves of cold heat rolled over her continuously and brought back equal waves of dizziness. If she had looked him in the eye, for just a second even, he immediately would've known that something was up with her. She didn't even dare to brush her hair out of her face, nor away from where the sweat made it stick to her neck.

"Kalinistra was a brilliant idea." He mused after a while, as they both watched how Madam Pomfrey gave Jorien another vial of anti-paralysis potion at last.

"Hope so." Robin pressed out in as neutral a tone as possible, but there was no way he could miss just how fake her entire demeanor was. Every breath hurt like a knife stabbed into her ribcage, and it was hard enough to breathe at all. Talking was worse.

"What happened to her?" He asked another time, clearly addressing Robin, for his voice was too quiet for the other two to hear. She loved that he actually talked to her, but right now she just couldn't keep up with that on top of everything else.

"I happened." Robin whispered, in a new wave of guilt, and wrapped her arms around her middle only to jerk them back when an overwhelming pain rippled through her torso upon a mere touch. She bit her lip to keep quiet; this was not good. But the current moment wasn't about her. This was about undoing what she had done.

A gasp cut through the silence then, and it was followed by a violent quake going through Jorien's body. Then her eyes closed and snapped open again as she started blinking rapidly, breathing hard as if someone had made her jump only moments before. But she was moving again, at a normal speed, and Robin could have cried in relief. The quiet sighs of the others told her they shared that sentiment.

But Jorien for her part looked around with frantic eyes, her features dominated by sheer panic until at last her gaze fell onto Robin. Then, within a second, she sat up in her bed and wrapped her arms around Robin as tightly as she could.

Robin's lips parted in a silent scream that fortunately no one paid attention to, then she bit her lip tightly enough to taste the bitter sting of copper. And yet, the faintest sound must have escaped her, for Jorien let go of her immediately and instead stared up at her with teary eyes. 

"I'm sorry…" The girl choked out. "I… I didn't…"

"No, it's nothing. Don't worry." Robin replied immediately, with a small smile and a mild tone she had no idea how she was capable of right now. Ignoring everything else, she sat down at the edge of the bed and allowed Jorien to cling onto her again, while she tried to comfort the girl in return. Robin knew that she wasn't good at this, wasn't someone others came to for comfort. But as it seemed, she was what Jorien wanted right now, and she could never deny her that. Not after what she had done to her. Not even as the taste of copper in her mouth grew stronger, and her pain was fueled by the squeezing arms around her ribs.

"Miss Blakeley, how do you feel?" Madam Pomfrey finally asked, but the voice sounded dull and distant in Robin's ears even as Jorien finally let go of her.

"I'm good." The girl replied with a small sigh, and looked from Robin to Snape, then to the matron at last. "Confused, and my eyes hurt a little, but otherwise I'm good." 

"That's amah-..." Robin said as she forced herself back onto her feet with as little swaying as possible. "Amazing."

"I expect an explanation. What exactly led to this chaos?" Snape asked at last, and while Robin wanted to give him an answer to that, she found herself too busy trying to keep the room from spinning. So she simply stared down at the ground with wide eyes while Jorien and Madam Pomfrey explained how the bludger had destroyed the wooden construction and how Robin had somehow frozen Jorien in time and space to keep her from falling, which had resulted in the paralysis. That Robin herself had fallen into the ashes however remained unsaid, and honestly, she barely took notice of it anyway. The voices were a white noise to her own alternating waves of cold heat and pain, a drowning echo in a sea of sound.

"But… I shouldn't be feeling perfectly fine, should I?" Jorien frowned suddenly, and tugged at Robin's hand. "We were falling, and I was paralyzed and…"

"You might feel good, but you still need to rest! You have been through a lot, and perhaps it is best if we continue this discussion at a later point. Try to sleep now." Madam Pomfrey cut in before anyone else could reply, and Jorien reluctantly laid back down as she was told.

"I'm okay though, right?" She inquired before everyone else could move away. "Robin?"

"Don't worry. We gave you a little sip of a potion I made, against the paralyzing charm and now you're all good again." Robin replied with a badly feigned smile that however seemed to suffice.

"Thank you for saving my life..." Jorien offered her a small smile in return, and finally closed her eyes with a surprisingly peaceful expression that squeezed Robin's heart in a death grip.

"You shouldn't thank me." She breathed to herself, far too quietly for Jorien to hear. "Not when I'm the one who almost got you killed in the first place." Then, at last, she let herself be shooed away into the wide aisle in the middle of the infirmary, where she wouldn't stand in the way any longer. Perhaps they had forgotten that she had been part of the accident too, not just its cause… but Robin wouldn't draw attention to it. In her eyes she wasn't the victim, but the one to blame. In her eyes, she deserved every bit of the pain she felt. 

So she merely kept standing in the aisle like she was the one frozen in time now, hollow eyes staring at nothing while her own arms wrapped around herself in a vain attempt to make it easier to bear the nauseating waved of cold sweat. But every shallow, rasped breath still hurt like a new knife between the ribs, and made brilliant spots of shadow and light dance across her vision in a swirling haze. She blinked them away, and her focus returned barely when Snape's eyes found hers as he came to stand a mere step in front of her.

"Are you alright? You look-..."

"It's nothing. I'm fine." Robin snapped before he even had the chance to finish the sentence. She didn't deserve concern, or sympathy; she deserved to be yelled at as if she wasn't hurt. In defiance of her own state, she dropped her arms to her sides and turned to look towards the distant windows instead. His eyes were too much to bear, they could shatter her with all the things he would never say out loud. 

And yet when cold fingers brushed against the heated skin of her neck, a force beyond her drew her gaze back to his. His touch both pleasure and pain brought the sweetest agony of doubling heatwaves to her body, and her lips parted in both a silent sigh and weeping. His fingers traced over the curve of her neck, barely touching upon her collar bone as he pushed away the strands of her hair that clung to it. Then finally the touch disappeared altogether, all too soon. His gaze dropped from her neck to his hand between them, then he met her startled eyes at last.

"Is this nothing to you?" He asked, in a low tone that was both accusation and inquiry, and finally Robin could pry her eyes away from his to let them drop to the hand he held out to her. The sight of deepest crimson on his fingertips let her shudder while a new wave of cold heat ran over her. The sticky feeling on her skin… her neck and ribs and shoulder blades… it had never been sweat. Her hands rose on their own account to cradle his between them, trembling fingers clawing at his skin in an attempt to steady what she saw. But it was her own vision quivering, not his hand.

"Tell me the truth, Robin." He demanded after a moment, but never removed his hand from hers.

Robin looked up at him then, but her hold on him only tightened as gravity seemed to change by the second. Her stomach was at war with her lungs, was at war with her entire left side. "Jorien-..."

"I understood what happened to Miss Blakeley. I need to know what happened to _ you _ ." 

"I was terrified and I don't know what I did to her... There is pain everywhere, and I feel sick, and... and… your face is getting really… blurry... Maybe I should just-..." Robin gasped, and Snape's features above her turned into a swirling explosion of color before it faded to all black. With a start, all the tension in her body was gone.

… … … 

"Why do you have to be so stupid… so stupid and so ridiculously brilliant." The deep voice of her favorite person was the first thing that wrapped Robin in an immediate cloud of comfort as her senses slowly returned to her, rising up from the depths of sleep.

"Why do you do this to me?!" He asked quietly, but it still cut through the silence like a clean silver line. "Couldn't you have cared about yourself at least half as much as you care about the ones you choose as yours?"

"No." Robin replied in the same quiet, and finally opened her eyes to look up at the ceiling of the infirmary once again. A single candle was lit on her nightstand, and it made the shadows dance on the cold stone high above. 

For a moment there was nothing but silence, no reply to Robin's answer, and she turned her head on the pillow to look at Snape to her left. He was sitting on the backrest of a chair, and looking at her with an almost startled expression.

"How much did you hear?" He asked at last, but made no move to leave nor to sit down properly.

"More than you would like and less than I would." Robin offered him a small smile, and tried to sit up a moment later with surprisingly little pain. Her ribs ached a little, her neck felt itchy, and her wrist did a weird clicking sound when she moved it, but otherwise she could sit up and even cross her legs without any problems.

"I see you're feeling better." Snape commented in regard to her movement, and when Robin motioned for him to have a seat across from her, he reluctantly obliged to sit down at the far end of the bed.

"Physically, yeah… But it still is my fault that Jorien almost died." Robin sighed in defeat when the memory hit her, and quickly scanned her surroundings in the dim light of the one candle. The room seemed to be entirely empty but for the two of them, and she found herself relaxing as her eyes returned to Snape. "I screwed up."

"That you did."

"At least you admit it. But I'm drowning in guilt as it is already, there's no need for scolding me."

"You screwed up because you were stupid enough to pretend that you were fine. Not because you saved the girl's life."

"No! I screwed up when I was too slow to stop that bloody bludger, and then Jorien mixed up her spells because she was panicked and I hadn't taught her any better, and… I cursed her, in our fall. I remember it now. I studied relative time spells and curses just last night, it was the first thing that came to my mind. Throwing experimental magic at her was fucking stupid."

"Seeing as she is perfectly fine and back in her own room right at this moment, while you are here with two previously broken ribs and a scar to remind you of the events of today, I wouldn't necessarily consider the last part as screwing up." He said, and turned entirely towards Robin in his seat on the bed at last. "It might not have been an ideal reaction to blindly throw a spell at her, but you did prevent the worst. If you hadn't acted, she might still have died from the fall.  _ You _ might have died either way."

"But I didn't. I'm fine, for real this time. I promise. I only feel like it would have been my job to protect her, and I let her down when I didn't stop the bludger before she did. I'm guilty of that no matter what, and I'm guilty of not teaching her better. I know that it is my fault, no matter what you say."

"I wouldn't dare to disagree. I know exactly how you feel."

"Do you really?"

"Yes." He stated, and at last dropped his gaze from hers down to the wrinkled sheets before he continued. "You feel an oppressing guilt for letting something happen to her while you could have prevented it if you had acted differently. You feel remorse for the pain you caused by not preventing her from being hurt in the first place. And when she still looks at you like you were the one thing saving her, you know that all you deserve is the very worst, but not her thankfulness." 

"That's… yes." Robin breathed, and her throat felt too tight, her lips too dry, and she wet them before she spoke on. "So you do feel like that as well? When your students get hurt?"

"Only when it's you." He replied before he thought better of it, and his honesty surprised both himself and Robin as their eyes met once more. After long seconds of silence, he spoke on. "I do feel responsible for what happens to all of my students, in a general manner, especially for the ones in my house. But of course it just  _ has _ to be entirely different with you. It always is."

"Obviously." She gave him a small smile in return. How could one single person make her feel so incredibly safe and set so exhilarated at once?! He didn't even do anything but look at her… and say that she was different to him than anyone else. "Perhaps it's not a matter of responsibility. Maybe it's trying to protect someone you care about. And when you fail, it hurts so much more because you didn't just fail a responsibility put upon you, but because you failed the one you care about. The thought of losing someone you care about is always scary… if not straight out terrifying."

"You scared me today. I want you to never do that to me again."

"I'll do my best." Robin said, as both his words and the sincerity in his face melted away the last bit of sadness left within her. Her lips curled into a wider smile at last. "Don't worry, your reputation as the emotionless, scary professor who doesn't care about anyone won't be damaged."

"I am not concerned about my reputation. And it seems that people are already well aware that you are my favorite."

"Your favorite nuisance, perhaps." She laughed, and yet the uproar of her heart couldn't be fooled by humor. "But any kind of favorite will do, really."

"If nuisance is the word you would like to go with, I will not stop you." He replied with a small smirk, which only made her smile even more. "But anyone else who dares to say so would make an enemy."

Robin bit the insides of her cheeks to keep from grinning like an idiot. Perhaps it wasn't such a good change that he was getting better at saying nice things to her… it only made her love him more.

A spark of electricity started in her heart, and then crawled through her body in an expanding wave that gained momentum with every fiber it consumed. She really did love him, quite desperately so even, but her mind had never dared put that term to it before now. Before it was finally absolutely impossible to deny. Bloody hell… one stupid term for what she felt changed everything, and yet it changed nothing at all. She still wouldn't do anything but keep it as a dark secret in the shadows of her mind. Perhaps it gave her the permission to dwell in those shadowy places more often… and it definitely would make it harder to leave them again. But she'd never quite minded such a sweetest kind of torture. 

"You should rest now. It is three o'clock in the morning and I know you better than to assume that you won't want to study and work as soon as the sun is up." He finally said with a sigh and stood up from the end of the bed.

"Don't go." Robin said before she could convince herself not to. "I'll lay down if you insist, but I can't sleep. Not right now. Can we just… talk? Like always?"

"Do you seriously believe I have nothing better to do at three in the morning than that?"

"Well, seeing as you have been here even since before I was awake, I would dare to say no." Robin raised an eyebrow at him with a smile, and when he rolled his eyes exaggeratedly but sat back down anyway, she knew that his entire protest was merely for show. 

"In fact, I do not." He sighed, and quirked an eyebrow at her in return. "What would you like to talk about then?"

"How about some defense against the dark arts revision? OWLs are in two weeks, and I could use some help."

"How  _ fortunate _ for you that I am well versed in the subject."

"How very fortunate indeed."


	35. Of Dusk and Dawn - Part 1

The weeks at the end of the term flew by like a soft summer breeze. After the accident in the Quidditch stadium, Jorien really had been entirely fine and back to her normal self within a day after the incident in the infirmary, while Robin had been left with a clicking wrist and a small, ragged scar on the side of her neck. It luckily wasn't all too visible unless someone stood really close to her, and she soon had developed a habit of absentmindedly tracing it with her fingertips when she was lost in thought.

Robin had spent the last weeks of school mostly in the potions classroom again, studying for the impending OWLs instead of working in the laboratory, and occasionally she had even gotten Snape to quiz her on other subjects than his own. Then finally, during the week of the theoretical and practical examinations, Robin had been entirely shocked by just how  _ easy  _ the OWLs were in comparison to what she had imagined them to be. It had just been ordinary tests and tasks like she had always received throughout the years, in a bit of a different format perhaps, and she had done her utmost to ace them all. 

In the evening after her last exam, while everyone had been out and about celebrating with their friends, Robin had come to the office as always, and when Snape had brought her chocolate cake and coffee for their own kind of celebration, she had finally started crying as all the stress of the past few days and weeks melted from her at last. He hadn't lost a single word about it, and merely had seen to it that her coffee still was hot when her emotional catharsis had been over with.

And just like that the term had ended, and Robin had found herself  _ almost _ crying again when she had to get on the train back to London. While Cas and Jorien had gone on and on about their summer plans during the ride, Robin had merely stared out of the window and watched the landscape fly by in a calm haze. Putting more and more distance between her and everything she loved.

Finally before she had parted from her role as mentor for the summer as well, she had let the two girls talk her into giving them her address so that they could write letters to her. Robin didn't expect them to actually do so, but oh well… they had been happy when they'd parted at the train station, and that's what mattered.

But only upon her arrival back at her parents' house hours later, Robin had to realize that this summer might quite possibly be the worst one yet. Suitcases everywhere, boxes of books and folders stacked on the stairs, almost empty wardrobes… for a moment, she had believed that either they were moving house, or that her parents were getting divorced. As it turned out though, neither was the case. Her parents simply hadn't deemed it necessary to inform her any sooner that they would be leaving for a research stay in the United States in two days, joining a project at some university in Iowa until their own term here in England would resume. Meaning they would be gone for the next three months.

Honestly, Robin hadn't even been surprised to hear that they hadn't deemed it necessary to ask for her approval, seeing as Robin herself never asked for theirs either. To them, their behavior was perfectly justified by the fact that Robin was almost seventeen and thus old enough to keep the household on her own, and even more so because this research project they were supposed to work on in the states was a 'once in a lifetime opportunity'. To them, Robin obviously had to understand that. And honestly, she did. She understood perfectly well that their careers meant more to them than she ever had, and she'd come to terms with that long ago. 

That was why two days later she merely wished them good luck with a feigned smile, assured (but never promised) them that she would call if she had any problems, and waved them goodbye until in a year perhaps, when they would maybe see each other again. Because by the time they would return from the other side of the world, Robin would long be gone back to Hogwarts. 

Admittedly, Robin at first wasn't even upset that they were gone. She might not know how to properly do laundry, or how to fix something around the house, but she was a quick study after all. She'd be alright. And there still was the small but pleasant fact that instead of simply giving her an allowance like they had done the years before, her parents simply had given her full access to their general finances and bank accounts for the duration of their absence. At least they seemed to have unconditional trust in her in that regard, that much was obvious. 

And yet, the first week of being entirely alone in the large house was challenging. She had to learn to make meals for herself, which honestly wasn't so hard with the help of her mother's cookbooks, as it turned out to be just like potion making. But with food instead of stuff that could kill you. Overall, her first attempts at cooking were mediocre but edible. What turned out to be a bigger issue however, especially in the second week, was the cleaning. She'd only ever  _ manually  _ cleaned her own bedroom before, and seeing as the stupid law about underage magic prohibited her from cleaning the rest of the house with spells, she had to learn on the go how to do it the muggle way. Which was absolutely dreadful. She much preferred the cooking.

It was at the end of her second week of living alone that she received a letter from school. She didn't even bother returning back inside to open it, and simply sat down on the sun heated stairs in front of her house, placing her coffee mug next to her before finally ripping the letter open. Indeed, it was the results of her OWLs… With every line she read, her smile widened a little bit more. She'd received an  _ Exceeds Expectations  _ in astronomy, divination and history of magic, very much as expected, and an  _ Outstanding  _ in charms, transfiguration, herbology, care of magical creatures and potions, also as expected. But she had also received an  _ Outstanding  _ in defense against the dark arts, and she had definitely not expected that. Perhaps Morgan really was the only reason why she'd never gotten more than mediocre grades in the subject, and now that he wasn't the one grading her, it actually made a huge difference. 

Robin couldn't stop grinning, and almost forgot her coffee on the stairs as she finally headed back inside and straight to what had once been her parents office. Now it had come to be hers for the time of their absence. She had to tell Snape about this success! Or did he know already? Even if he did, this posed a good enough reason, an excuse to write to him no matter what. So that's just what she did. 

She told him of her other grades too and how these results would allow her to take all the classes next year that she had hoped to. After the bittersweet evening that had been her career advice talk, Robin had actually made an effort to come up with a plan of action for the N.E.W.T. classes. She still wasn't entirely sure what she wanted to do after school, but she had figured that it would definitely be something that fell into her prevailing field of interest. Which is why she had decided to definitely continue potions, herbology and care of magical creatures, which she'd honestly never even considered dropping in the first place. Then she had discovered that for sixth and seventh years students, an entirely new class was offered that however required an  _ Outstanding  _ in both potions and transfiguration, and she had very much hoped that she would meet the requirements. Seeing as she did, alchemy was also on her list of classes for next year. Finally, she had decided that she probably could make good use out of continuing charms class, even if it wasn't technically one of her interests. That had been it for the list she'd made. But now, with the results she had received… she seriously started to consider continuing defense against the dark arts as well. She had always enjoyed the class itself greatly, for the topics had actually interested her and she had deemed the contents useful enough, more so than charms even… but she just hadn't been able to imagine willingly putting up with Morgan any longer. Now however, as she saw that her final grade wasn't actually for him to decide over and that she must have learned something from the class (even if she'd done so by herself and outside of class time) if she had received an O, she seriously considered putting up with Morgan for two more years. For the sake of learning.

All of that Robin wrote in her letter to Snape, and it turned out to be quite a bit longer than she would've expected, but she also couldn't really care less. She sent him the letter as it was, and then went ahead to put her exam results on the fridge. It wasn't an official certificate anyway, only a notice of her grades, but she found this small act of protest against her parents' preferences quite gratifying. They  _ hated  _ it when people put stuff onto their fridges, and they would have no choice but to look at Robin's grades if they wanted to remove the paper from its place once they returned. 

Two days later, Robin received a letter from Snape in return. He congratulated her on her remarkable results, of course unable to refrain from saying 'told you so' along the lines, and then commented on her intended choice of classes for the next year. Potions, herbology and care of magical creatures he deemed good and reasonable choices, his opinion on charms could be simply put as 'if you really want to', while however he deemed alchemy a nonsensical subject and thereby a waste of her time. Robin considered his words, but decided that she would see for herself if it was worth her time and effort. She could always drop the course after a few classes if she didn't like it. His opinion on defense against the dark arts however wasn't as distinct as Robin would've expected. He saw her point in wanting to learn and enjoying the contents, but he also couldn't deny that –while perhaps he should officially be saying something different– he didn't like the idea of Robin suffering under Morgan for two more years. That didn't make Robin's choice any easier, until she got to the next point in his letter, where he wrote that if she should choose to continue the class indeed, he would help her to deal with it in regard to both Morgan and to the contents. That settled the issue for Robin; she would continue defense against the dark arts, and she would be great in it despite whatever Morgan might do to make her suffer. With Snape on her side, she believed she could get through anything at all. But his letter didn't end with the comments on her class choices, as Robin would've expected. He went on to say that he'd only now received the usual invitation to the conference, belated for whatever screwups there had been, and that he would give it to Robin once more if she wished to attend and didn't already have other plans. The letter ended with that indeed.

What he obviously didn't know was that Robin had received her very own invitation just this morning, and she had every intention to attend either way. Actually, she rather hoped that Snape could be convinced to attend as well. It was just three more days until the conference, and if she wanted to actually receive a reply from him, she would do well to hurry. Thus she sent him a letter in response immediately, telling him of her own invite and that she would attend for sure, but also how that meant he could attend too and that she'd actually like it a lot if he did. She joked in her letter that she'd rather embarrass him in his presence than in his absence, hoping that it would make her sound a little less pleading and a lot less clingy in her request for him to attend together with her. But really, for Robin it all was just a matter of missing him a lot more than she should and hoping that she would get to see him in a few days rather than in two months. It was worth a shot, and the worst he could do was to say that he didn't want to go.

One day later, Robin received the shortest answer she had ever gotten:  _ Meet me in the entrance hall at seven thirty. We will go together. _

… … … 

On the day of the conference, Robin got up at four in the morning. Going from Oxford to London by train meant she had to waste quite a while on transportation alone, and then she also had to find the right building once again. All that before seven thirty, obviously. 

Due to a prevailing lack of dressing options, she went with the very same skirt from the year prior once again, but paired it with a cream white lacey blouse this time. Victorian style, obviously, for she didn't even own any modern style dress shirts. They were boring, and she felt like the old fashioned style at least gave off the illusion that she belonged into the wizarding world a little more than she felt like she did. It was closer to robes than a t-shirt, after all, and together with her locket and the bracelets, she actually did look fancy enough to fit in with the dress robes everyone else would likely be sporting. The only flaw was the lack of dressy flats that was a direct result of the absence of most of her mother's wardrobe, and thus Robin had to make do with her own low top Doc Martens. What she lost in elegance, she gained in comfort though, and that perhaps was even better. What the old men thought of her clothes wasn't her problem, after all, but theirs. After grabbing her backpack, she locked the house behind herself and was on her way to the train station, even before sunrise.

She arrived at the correct building at precisely seven twenty, and once she walked into the entrance hall, she already spotted the familiar frame clad in black. The smile was on her face before she knew, and she tried to tone it down a bit as she approached him.

"You're early." Robin said once she was close enough, his back facing her until he turned around at the sound of her voice.

"So are you." He replied with risen eyebrows, and a surprisingly well hidden not-smirk. Right… they were among people again. "And quite obviously you never learn." A quick glance down to her apparel had Robin rolling her eyes at him openly.

"Not everyone possesses dress robes! This is the best I can do, alright? I don't come in a deluxe edition." She sighed, but his choice of words had made it obvious enough that it was a humorous complaint rather than a serious one, and thus Robin's smile lingered on her lips. 

"I am merely concerned for those old creeps' dusty hearts. They might suffer a seizure because of you, and I am not in the mood to hide a body today." He said in feigned annoyance, before placing a hand on the small of Robin's back as they made for the stairs. The touch had her skin crawling in an instant, and her own heartbeat echoing in her ears despite the noise of the people around them.

"If they're being creeps in the first place, I honestly couldn't care less what they think." She finally replied, confidently for the most part, once they stepped into the correct hallway. "This is a potions conference, not a fashion show. And I expect to be respected no matter what I wear or how old I am."

"Doesn't it ever get annoying?"

"What?" Robin frowned at his out of context question, and the short halt in her movement had his hand pressing against her back just a little firmer. It wasn't intentional, but she wouldn't complain either.

"Being right all the time." He sighed quietly, and Robin had to smile. Good to hear they were on the same page. "As long as I do not receive letters from people gushing over you again, I couldn't care less what they think either."

"What's so bad about people gushing over me?"

"Perhaps we should discuss this at a different time." He mused, just as they stepped up to the table in front of the conference room again. The same old man Robin had met last year was sitting behind it, with a friendly smile and studious eyes.

"Ah, Miss Mitchell! How delightful to see you here again." He said even before either Robin or Snape could as much as show him their invitation cards. "I needn't see your invite, I am well aware that you must have received one."

"You remember my name?" Robin asked with a small frown that gave away just a hint of her surprised confusion, and accepted the name tag the old man held out to her. He really  _ did  _ remember her name…  _ R. Mitchell _ , written in perfect cursive.

"I doubt that a single person in that room doesn't remember you, dear." He laughed in return. "And those who pretend they don't, you can kindly ignore."

"Thank you." She returned with a small smile, and then looked up at Snape while she stuck her name tag onto her blouse. He looked as annoyedly unimpressed as he always did around his students, and Robin's smile turned into a smirk.

"You are the one who gave Miss Mitchell the invitation last year! Lucky fellow you are if you have a friend like her…" The old man addressed Snape then as he had looked at his invite for a second, and Robin could've straight out laughed at the scowl on Snape's face. 

"Indeed." He said however, in a neutral drawl that let on neither disapproval nor actual agreement. Perhaps he simply didn't want to bother correcting the man, or perhaps he did see her as something like a friend by now. Who knew. Either way, it filled Robin with a joyous excitement.

Once they went on into the conference room, they barely had time to find two empty seats at the back before people Robin vaguely remembered started entrapping her in conversations. A few people who seemed to know Snape also approached him, but he got to take his seat eventually while Robin was more or less unwillingly passed on from wizard to wizard for the sake of conversations she didn't want to be having in the first place. But she'd promised herself to be polite, and so she smiled and sometimes suffered through all of them until at last they were asked to take their seats for the lectures to begin.

With a sigh of relief, Robin finally found her chair next to Snape and dropped down in contentment at being done with the smalltalk.

"I had no idea you were so… in demand." He commented quietly while Robin dug out a notebook and pen from the depths of her backpack.

"I wish I wasn't! Honestly, I couldn't care less about which great jokes someone came up with, or who else had mentioned my name in whatever conversation." She groaned under her breath, rolling her eyes at the insane amount of nonsense she had previously been exposed to. "Like I am anyone worth bragging to…"

"You are the only one who lets them brag without cutting in with your own great achievements."

"Right. Because I don't have any in the first place. I passed my OWLs, that's as good as it gets."

"You discovered a spell for finding nocturnal flowers almost effortlessly. Improved a healing potion. Discovered how to come by Alteria pearls."

"I discovered how to make you smile." Robin added quietly, and instantly bit her lip as if that would take the words back.

"That surely is your greatest achievement of them all, yes." He scoffed in dripping sarcasm, and Robin had to snort at his words, which drew a little too much attention to them, but only for a short moment.

"At least it's my favorite one." She finally said, shrugging a little as she stared down at her notebook with a smile of her own.

"Good." He replied, in that way that said more than he did. "Now focus on the lecture or I will make you."

"I'd like to see you try." Robin smirked, but turned her attention to the person on the pedestal nonetheless, who had only just gotten past an introduction.

"I am sure you would."

… … … 

The lectures were fairly interesting as they had been in the last year as well, but the discussions were merely mediocre. That was why throughout those parts, Robin and Snape kept on making comments to each other about the people around them as well as the topics discussed, at every given opportunity. It was hilarious, even if not the nicest thing to do, or rather especially because it wasn't. But it truly was inevitable, for every time Robin tried to stop the comments from spilling past her lips, he tripped her back into it and the other way round as well. During the lectures however they truly stopped humoring each other in order to listen, and as a gesture of respect for the person talking.

It was only in the afternoon, long after the lunch break, that the good mood was threatened by the next person taking the speaker's desk; Kenneth Crowe, the very man Robin had embarrassed last year. And obviously he as well as everyone else in the room seemed to remember that in the same moment she did, for multiple eyes were on Robin in an instant. She sat up straighter, subtly shifting in her seat in discomfort. They seemed to expect something of her, something specific, but she couldn't fathom what it was even as they kept glancing at her while the man started his lecture. Just to give her hands something to do, Robin tied the wavy mess on her head into a bun and fixated it with her pen. Then she dug out another one from her backpack, twisted it between her fingers as she tried to focus on the lecture, but eventually put it down on her notebook and instead let her fingertips trace over the delicate scar on her neck. The certainty that at least one pair of eyes that wasn't Snape's was on her constantly made her heart rate explode, and everything was suddenly louder than the lecture. Her heartbeat, the rustling of paper, the low humming of the ventilation system… 

"Remember to breathe." Snape's deep voice barely reached her ears, be it for his quiet tone or her state of distraction. "You have nothing to fear."

"But what if the idiot up front asks me something I don't know the answer to? As a late revenge? I will embarrass you and everyone will laugh at me." 

"How likely is it that he will ask you a question that neither you nor I can answer?" He asked in return, and Robin had to admit that he had a point. "In the worst case, you do not always need to know the answer to a question to reply to it. Distract them; tell them something you  _ do  _ know instead."

"I can do that, I think…" Robin nodded to herself, and the relentless racing of her heart was slowly calmed down by a warm blanket of reassurance. 

"Obviously you can. You play other people's games by your own rules all the time, and I do not know anybody else who is nearly as good at it as you are." He said, as if it was just another fact, a natural law he didn't doubt, and Robin smiled down at her notebook for a moment. His trust in her abilities was reassuring, if not delightfully empowering. And she couldn't help smiling on, as she finally turned to listen to the lecture. 

Kenneth Crowe presented the very same healing potion as last year, in a revised version with improvements and the most recent developments in his reach. And while he did admit to the mistake that Robin had called out last year, he claimed that her suggestion to use Plangentine had, in fact, not worked out, which for him had resulted in a multitude of partially still unsolved problems. Robin's jaw dropped at that, and out of the corner of her eyes she saw that Snape wore his usual irritated scowl as well; They had used Plangentine, and very much succeeded in it. However, it hadn't technically been legal that they had even made the potion in the first place, and thus they both remained silent about it. At least towards Crowe and the other attendees in the open discussion that followed upon the lecture, which unfortunately consisted mostly of praise for the man and his work.

"They kneel before his throne unaware that it was built on lies." Snape complained quietly, glaring at Crowe who bathed in the attention he was getting. It really was a mystery why he would lie about the Plangentine… either he hadn't even tried it out, or he was trying to hide that it had worked indeed.

"Worry not, for they will see his lies to be but the ashen path to our castle of masterful deceit." Robin replied with a small smile as she looked at Snape next to her, and he raised an eyebrow in surprise as he returned her gaze at last.

"Where did you get that from?"

"Oh, you know... the craters of hell." She smirked, shrugging a little. "No seriously, I just made it up to humor you."

"Pity. I was wondering what our castle of masterful deceit might look like." 

"Oh I do have an idea for-..."

"Miss Mitchell, if I may  _ request _ your attention for a moment…" Crowe spoke up loudly enough to interrupt Robin in her quiet explanation, and she tried not to look too startled as she turned to look at the man at the front. "I would like to give you the  _ opportunity  _ to defend your proposition of the last year, even if proven wrong, if you please. Perhaps your idea can still prove useful in its origin?"

Something small within Robin snapped, and she remembered just why she had never regretted embarrassing this man. He was an arse from top to bottom, and gone was her decision to try not to upset him further. He was begging for it, and Robin would let herself be dragged into his pettiness for once.

"If you expect me to defend myself for something I still believe to be correct, you are mistaken. I will not. I stand with my suggestion from the previous year to use Plangentine." She started rather diplomatically, testing the waters Crowe was willing to enter here. It sufficed to raise some whispering.

"Well, seeing as it obviously did not work, you would do well to let go of such childish stubbornness and adapt to the methods of science! This is a professional event and not a tea party!" He replied in a sharp tone, and honestly Robin simply had to smile. This was ridiculous… how could adults indeed be so incredibly childish? She couldn't even feel properly insulted when he said things like this!

"May I?" Robin asked with a smile, turning to Snape with a humored expression.

"Please do." He replied with equal amusement. "I would do it myself, but I gladly surrender him to you."

With a deep breath and a polite smile, Robin turned back to Crowe. She had every intention not only to blow holes into his ship, but to send it to the bottom of the goddamn ocean of his own tears. 


	36. Of Dusk and Dawn - Part 2

The discussion had begun and ended with Robin's monologue on why exactly Plangentine _did_ work, a variety of possibilities for what Crowe might possibly have done wrong in his attempts, and a list of reasons for why he might otherwise be lying about the success of the revised brewing method. All obviously worded in an eloquent string of the most sweetly worded professional insults previously unknown to mankind. Politely, of course. It left the other attendees positively stunned, and Crowe beet red with anger and embarrassment as he straight out fled the room. The best part however, to Robin at least, was that it left Snape actually smirking for real even though they were in public. She considered it a success, while yet she hoped that she wouldn't have to deal with Crowe again any time soon, for if they met again, the conflict would likely escalate into something Robin quite honestly didn't want to deal with if it could be prevented. She knew it was partially her fault too that things had even gotten this far, as she let herself be provoked so easily sometimes… but she also couldn't help the desire to destroy him when he did. Somehow, it was a certain type of person that pissed her off so much, and both Crowe and Morgan belonged to that type. Or perhaps her vengefulness was part of the things she had to work on at some point.

For now, the conference went on without any further disturbance. Snape and Robin went back to sassing each other during the discussions and listening during the lectures, until at last the conference came to an end and they all assembled at the front for the picture to be taken. Snape obviously didn't want to participate in such a redundant ritual, or perhaps he just didn't want any proof of him attending an event like this, but Robin insisted quite vehemently that he should be in the photograph as well. At last they agreed on standing at the very edge of the group, together, but still in the picture after all. Robin already couldn't wait to find an example of the Daily Prophet in a few days to cut out the article; the idea of having a picture of them both was pathetically exciting. The rational part of her mind felt stupid for wanting something like that so badly, while all the other parts were giddy with excitement. 

She gave in to the excitement eventually, letting it brighten her smile just a little as she was dragged into more conversations by people she couldn't really remember but pretend to anyway. This time Snape stayed by her side though, which meant that nobody really dared to annoy her with nonsense and instead they all stuck to either talking about the day of lectures or asking about Robin's work. Robin was beyond thankful for his presence, especially since she knew how much he actually dreaded both the people and the conversations. Still, as soon as there was an opportunity to leave politely, Robin saw their chance, and they more or less subtly disappeared from the room to head back down to the entrance hall. Just like last year, it was almost eleven o'clock when they finally left the building.

"What, pray tell, are you doing?" Snape asked in mild irritation as Robin turned to walk down the street she had come from in the morning.

"Uhm, I have a train to catch? Don't you as well?" She replied in the same confusion about what  _ he  _ was doing by simply standing there like a pillar of salt, until at last her brain untangled itself. " _ Right…  _ I keep forgetting that apparition is a thing other people can actually use to get around." She rolled her eyes at her own stupidity. "Probably means I better say goodbye now, huh?" Gods, she didn't want to…

"Are you seriously considering taking the train at this hour?" He raised an eyebrow at her in question, and his tone made no secret of his weariness and distaste for the idea.

"I'm not just considering it, I have every intention to." Robin chuckled, and mirrored his expression. "I do have to get home somehow, don't I?"

"And you think you can just wander around London in the middle of the night without a concern in the world?"

"As I said, I'm not doing it because it's so much fun, but because I need to get around  _ somehow,  _ safe or not." She shrugged, and her amusement turned into a frown. "I hardly have a choice other than taking a bus or train, and I went home by train just fine last year. There are some creeps out there for sure, but nothing a mean glare couldn't handle. I literally went on holiday by myself, so a silly train ride is nothing to me at this point."

"How long until you would be at home?"

"Well, it's twenty minutes to the station here in the city, then a two hour ride to Oxford because they're stupid and only let the slowest trains run at night, and then I have to walk home for another forty minutes. Thirty, if I'm spooked enough to run from time to time. But I-..." Robin's words trailed off when Snape held his hand out to her, and her heart leapt out of her chest. "What, uh… what are you doing?"

"Take my hand." Was all he said instead of answering her question, giving her a certain look that left no room for doubt, nor for argument. 

A rush of warmth spread through Robin's chest when she came closer, moving to stand by his side as she slowly placed her hand in his. His skin was warmer than her own in the most pleasant way, and while the touch sent a new wave of electric sparkles up her arm and all over her skin, she didn't get to dwell on it. 

"Do  _ not _ let go." He finally said in a shallow tone, and Robin could only nod as his hold on her tightened even more. 

A second later the world was a swirling storm of colour, infinitely small and infinitely large at once, pressing and pulling at her bones at the same time while her nerves were pushed oh so close to discomfort but never quite there so that it threatened to throw her into madness. But it was over before she could lose her mind, the world stood still around her once more and her gaze fell onto her house on the other side of the street. Bloody hell, she felt sick… her stomach was in knots of protest and her head was spinning. 

"Oh fuck…" She grumbled before she could think better of it, and pressed her free hand against her forehead to make the world stop spinning. Only then she realized that she was still holding Snape's hand, tightly as if her life depended on it. The pleasant warmth in her body was back in an instant, rinsing out every discomfort she had previously felt. She should probably let go though… but he hadn't let go either, not yet, for whatever reason he might have. Perhaps she could have just one second longer if she kept her eyes closed.

She got three more blissful seconds indeed, before they let go of each other at the same moment in the silent agreement that it was due time. Robin opened her eyes, and looked first at her house again, then at the man next to her.

"I… have never apparated before. Does it always make one so terribly sick?" She asked with a small smile and a frown at the same time.

"It gets easier the more you do it." He replied quietly. "A few seconds of dizziness should be preferable to hours alone in the dark though."

"Most definitely. Thank you for bringing me home." Robin's smile widened while the frown disappeared. "It probably isn't more than a small detour to you, but I still appreciate it very much."

"I would have hated having to find me a new assistant after the summer if something had happened to you." He said in Robin's favorite feigned indifference, and she had to grin as he couldn't even hide the half-smirk for longer than two seconds.

"Care for a coffee?" She asked on instinct, turning to face him with a smaller smile as she walked backwards across the street towards her house. "Would at least make the detour worth it, now. Because as proven on multiple occasions, my coffee making skills are  _ amazing _ ."

For a moment he truly hesitated, with another unreadable expression on his face as his eyes stayed on Robin. Then he followed her across the street, but stopped on the sidewalk a few steps away from her.

"I doubt that your parents would be in favour of guests at this time of night. And quite honestly I would prefer to spare myself any more human interactions tonight." He said in a decent neutral facade, and Robin just knew that he was hiding something. But she also knew better than to push him.

"Reason number one isn't really relevant in this case, but I definitely understand if you've had enough of me for a day. I'll make you coffee when summer's over." She smiled, half in humor and half in sadness. Not having to be alone again so soon would've been nice… and having Snape as company would have been even better.

"What do you mean it isn't relevant?" 

"I mean that it is my house currently, and thus I couldn't care less about my parents' preferences. They're gone, so I guess they couldn't care less what I do either."

"What on earth do you mean by that?"

Robin sighed and leaned against the half wall which surrounded the lawn. "I mean that I live alone, so it really doesn't matter who comes and who goes. Not that I usually invite people into my house for coffee, actually I've been entirely alone for the last three weeks, but-..."

"Perhaps you should explain it to me over coffee indeed." He cut in, still unreadable in his tone, but his words were good enough for Robin and she smiled as she motioned for him to come along. Ten minutes later, they were both seated at the grand kitchen island with a coffee each.

"So you really do live in this… urban mansion by yourself?" Snape inquired with a risen eyebrow as he let his gaze travel around the spacious kitchen.

"Yup… not by choice though, I don't like all the space and the splendour. My parents moved here when I was a baby, but I didn't really have a say ever since then either."

"What is it they do again?"

"They're professors, actually." Robin smirked and took a sip of her coffee. "Plain old muggle university professors. Something boring and sciency I never bothered to ask about."

"Very precise." He rolled his eyes, but finally the neutrality made room for honest expressions like the infamous not-smirk. "You never struck me as someone who grew up surrounded by money."

Robin almost spit out her coffee with a laugh. "What?!"

"You are almost as penurious as I am. If you look at some of your classmates however, they seem to believe that money can buy them the world."

"You haven't seen my extensive collection of books yet. They might well be worth a small fortune." She smirked, but her smile dimmed down almost immediately as she thought of something far less amusing. "People who categorise in who grew up with money and who didn't are usually condescending assholes who take pride in their wealth, or the ones who grew up without a penny. And you don't strike me as the former."

"No comment." He replied in an instant and took a long sip of coffee before his demeanor went back to an average ease. "You wanted to tell me why your parents aren't living here currently. Now would be a good time for that."

"Right…" Robin said, and stored the previous conversation away in her mind to focus on the now. "They left like a day after I got back from Hogwarts. Doing some research project in California for three months, their  _ opportunity of a lifetime _ … So in short, they're living in the US currently."

"And they left you here to look after yourself and their mansion." Snape scoffed. "Are you sure they don't know what a house elf is? Because they certainly treat you like one."

"I  _ wish _ I was a house elf!" Robin laughed to herself, then sighed. "If I was I could actually clean this stupid place with magic. Wouldn't that be amazing? But with my luck, I'm living the life of a muggle currently."

Snape merely sighed and rolled his eyes. "You are aware that almost nobody actually follows the rule about underage magic that strictly, yes?"

"I don't care what the others do." Robin shrugged. "If I allowed myself to break a rule willingly, the entire dam would break."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean that I either follow all the rules to the very detail or I break every single one of them. I don't particularly care which option it is, for me it's not about doing the right or wrong thing." She explained, "You see, I will either have something entirely and as intensely as I can, or I do not want it at all. There's no in-between. But since I would like to continue attending Hogwarts, I better hold off with the magic use entirely for another three months until I'm seventeen and officially allowed to use it outside of school."

"There we would have another piece of proof that you are the least shallow person I know."

"I take that as a compliment."

"You should."

"Still doesn't change that I had to learn housekeeping the muggle way." Robin sighed, with a small smile. "At least I enjoy the cooking."

"You do?" He asked, quirking an eyebrow with a humored expression.

"Cooking is quite like brewing potions, a lovely way to distract yourself from your own thoughts... It requires so much focus, attention and passion that there's no room for anything else in the moment."

"Perhaps that is why I enjoyed it so much as a child. Other than having to, of course, if I didn't want to starve." He mused, and Robin immediately had to think back to what little she knew about his family. His childhood truly must have been a horror show, and she didn't even doubt anymore that he had grown up without a penny indeed. Not that it mattered, but it surely didn't help either.

"Perhaps you could get into potions because you knew cooking, and I could get into cooking because I knew potions." She tried to brighten up her own thoughts, and the inversion really did make her smile. 

"I would not go as far as to say that you  _ know _ potions, but generally… perhaps." He smirked, and Robin's jaw dropped in amusement.

"Hey! You know very well that I do know potions! I didn't get an  _ Outstanding  _ for nothing!" She laughed, and finally took the pen out of her hair as it started hurting her head. The mess of waves stayed in place for a moment longer, then slowly cascaded down her back.

"Grades do not impress me." He replied, watching with a frown how her hair slowly detangled itself with the mere help of gravity. For a brief moment Robin wondered if he had always observed her like that, but then shrugged the thought off before it could be fostered into something she really didn't need.  _ Hope _ .

"Nothing impresses you." She said instead, with a humored smirk. "Doesn't stop me from trying though."

"You should not try to impress me, that would merely be a waste of your effort."

"I've been trying to impress you since first year, and seeing as you're sitting in my kitchen right now, it seems to have done  _ something _ at least. Perhaps not impressing you, but something."

"You impress me all the time, Robin. You do not have to  _ try _ ."

Robin's eyebrows rose in surprise for a moment, then she smiled down at her coffee mug. "Thank you."

"It wasn't a compliment but a fact."

"And I was thanking you for telling me, not for its existence."

"Fair." He replied with a small sigh, and emptied the last of his coffee. "I should be leaving. Will you be alright on your own? I know you will, but I would like to hear it from you nonetheless."

"I'll be fine." Robin looked up at him at last, still smiling in bittersweet serenity at the impending goodbye. "Bored and lonely, but fine."

"I have a few books at home that might interest you. If you wish, I could lend them to you. It would help with the boredom, at least."

"I would love that, actually!" A little touch of bitterness faded from her smile in an instant. "Books on topics that interest me are hard to come by in the muggle world."

"Muggles do have a lot of information about topography and natural history, more so than the wizarding world, so perhaps you could make use of that in your studies. Uncommon ingredients and how to find them is what you are most interested in, is it not? As well as the specific properties and effects of ingredients used in potion making in general, I presume."

"I… think so, yeah…" Robin frowned to herself, as she came to realize that this indeed was exactly what she had been researching throughout the last year. Just more eloquently summarized. "How do you know?"

"I pay attention." Was all he replied to the question, before he went on. "As you mentioned before, my area of expertise lies more in the methodology and technical application, while yours seems to be the study of ingredients. But I believe I have books that could be of use to you nonetheless."

"I would love reading them; not just because of boredom, but out of general curiosity." She smiled in sincere appreciation, and perhaps a little excitement. It's been a while since she'd borrowed anything from him.

"When shall I bring them to you? I think they would be a little heavy to send per owl… And you can hardly pick them up without magic."

"Any time is fine, really." Robin shrugged, "I'm always here anyway. But, I mean if you'd rather not I understand, perfectly well even, it's not that it would be unreasonable, but if-..."

"Breathe, Robin."

"Yes. Sorry." She took a deep breath, clearing her head of the mess. "I was just thinking, if you're not too busy, perhaps you would care for coffee again sometime? When you bring me the books, or… anytime, really."

"With your mediocre coffee making skills?" He quirked an eyebrow at Robin with a small smirk. "I will think about it."

… … … 

Snape brought Robin an entire box of books two days later, with topics ranging from subtropical herbs to extinct types of cave snails. He stayed for coffee indeed. 

From then on, Robin spent her days with gathering information on any and every kind of ingredient possible, looking in Snape's books, in her own, and even in the university library. She had done this kind of research before, when trying to find the Alteria pearl, thus it was a roughly familiar process of digging up facts and thinking around multiple corners at once. And while she couldn't actually prove any of her theories yet, she still wrote all of it down in a notebook for a time to come when she could go out into the world and see if she was right. Put shortly, she wrote herself a _ useful _ handbook on everything one could possibly ever need to know about an ingredient.

But she kept her efforts to herself for now. She wanted to actually have something to show, something  _ worth _ showing, before she told Snape about it. And thus, when he came over for coffee every Friday night, they never spoke of Robin's research even a single time.

The coffee Fridays really had started when he'd brought the books on a Friday night. They'd had coffee out on the stairs in front of her house, under the roof of the porch while it had rained like there would be no tomorrow. They hadn't spoken much, but before he had left, Snape had asked if he may return the following Friday, without any pretext for the request, and Robin had replied that he was always welcome to. That was how Fridays became the light of her weeks, and how the weeks of summer became bearable.

Still, some days in between were darker than others. There was nothing like lying in bed late at night, staring at the ceiling out of tear stung eyes, not seeing, nothing but the lifeline of memories in her head. The faint prospect of light after dark, a sunrise after her beloved night, and the deep down knowledge that it wouldn't always be like that. Wasn't always like that. For every Friday at least, she would remember what it felt like to live.

It was only on the last Friday of the holidays that Robin found herself doubting if he would come. She would be returning to Hogwarts herself on Sunday, but she had no doubt that the professors were supposed to be there already. And honestly, she doubted that he would make the effort to leave the school grounds in order to come all the way back to England, just for coffee with her. 

That's why after a day of doing all the necessary shopping in Diagon Alley for the impending school year, she returned home from London rather late in the evening. Deciding that she would pack her trunk and backpack tomorrow, Robin just threw on her pajamas and then went down into the kitchen again, putting on some music before she got started on cooking a pasta dish for a late dinner.

One of the great advantages of being alone in a large house was that she could sing along to her music as loudly as she wanted to, even hear it as loudly as she wanted to, and nobody would hear her nor try to stop her as a result thereof. So that's exactly what she did as she started cutting up some tomatoes, singing along to  _ Somebody To Love _ without a care about who might hear. She really should have cared.

"Singing really is not your strong suit, but I appreciate your taste in music."

Robin's heart almost stopped when she heard the deep voice behind her back, and she dropped her knife as she jumped around to face its origin. A twisted shatter rang out over the music as the metal blade hit the tiles. She couldn't speak as the rush of adrenaline numbed her body, so her lips remained parted in silence as she stared at the humored expression on Snape's face. Honestly, she couldn't tell what surprised her more; that he was an hour earlier than usual or that he had shown up at all. Why again had she been so sure that he wouldn't come over today…?

"I have to say, startling you is… amusing." He said with a not-smirk, and Robin finally unfroze as she became aware of multiple things at once. One, her face probably looked as red as the tomato that was now squeezed everywhere on the counter. Two, she had shattered the tile next to her bare feet with the handle of the knife. Three, and probably worst of all… she was wearing her pajamas.  _ Again. _ However this time she wasn't lucky enough to wear flannel bottoms, but jersey shorts with her Queen t-shirt.  _ Why _ again had she been so sure that he wouldn't come over today?!

"Hey." Was all she finally got out in a croaked voice, eyes still wide and still breathing too fast. At least she could blame it on the scare. 

"Obviously you did not expect me today." Snape raised an eyebrow at her as the amusement on his face faded. "If you would prefer for me to leave, then-..."

"NO!" Robin interrupted him so impulsively that she wanted to slap herself for the urgency in her voice. But instead, she finally went to pick up the knife from the ground to hide the new wave of heat rising to her cheeks. "Stay. Please. I mean, if you don't mind. I just… lost track of the time." 

"I will do you the favor and refrain from questioning that poor excuse." He replied easily as he moved over to Robin, fixing the broken tile next to her wordlessly.

"Thank you." She sighed, for both what he'd said and done, then went to rinse the knife in the sink. "I actually got home only half an hour ago, so it really is the truth that my feeling for time is absent currently."

"What did you do today that had you returning home at such a late hour?" Snape asked in an almost curious tone, while he observed Robin's effortless handling of the blade.

"Went all the way to London in the morning, did some shopping in Diagon Alley… the usual books and supplies for the new school year, new black robes. But I also could muster up the motivation at last to buy some dress robes for the next new year's ball. Cas has been bugging me about it ever since she learned that I didn't actually wear anything particular the last two times. Then a train broke down and I had to wait forever for the next one." Robin explained while she went to collect the tomatoes that had rolled everywhere. "I was going to make some dinner just now, but oh well…"

"Don't let me stop you." 

"Coffee for dinner works just fine."

"Not nearly. If I am what keeps you from eating, I will be gone in an instant."

" _ Fine _ …" Robin rolled her eyes to herself, but then had to smile. "Would you care for some pasta with your coffee?"

"Are you asking me to eat dinner with you?"

"All I'm saying is that if you'd fancy something to eat, I'd be willing to share."

"So you  _ are  _ asking me to eat dinner with you."

"I'm asking you to  _ make  _ dinner with me first of all, because you obviously refuse to have it any other way!"

"I'm a Potions Master. Not a chef…"

"I won't tell anyone."

" _ Fine… _ " He grumbled with a glare at Robin as he took the knife she held out to him. "You better give me something to cut so I don't stab you instead."

"You would never do that." Robin laughed as she handed over the remaining vegetables as well. This was almost exactly like working in the lab, and yet it felt entirely different… not better or worse, just different. "Too much effort to replace me."

"I am seriously starting to believe the effort might be worth it. You are insufferable."

"Keep insulting me and I might let slip that you enjoy cooking."

"You wouldn't dare."

"Is that a challenge?" Robin raised an eyebrow at him with a smirk, and Snape merely rolled his eyes in return. But he had to try very hard not to look humored.

"Just shut up, will you?"

"Would you rather I sing again?"

"Why did I ever return to this purgatory?!" He sighed exaggeratedly, while taking the second knife out of Robin's hand as well, before she could continue working on the onion on her cutting board. "Your cooking skills are as mediocre as your ability to make coffee, by the way."

Now it was Robin who rolled her eyes, but she also had to try hard not to grin at the same time. "At least  _ I  _ can tell the difference between over a hundred different kinds of onions and what they're good for."

"And yet you couldn't cut a single one of them correctly."

"That's what I've got you for, isn't it?" Robin smirked up at him with a quirked eyebrow. She knew that she was playing with fire… But the flames were too bright to resist. And yet she didn't burn, not today, as he laughed for once in a million years and made her heart soar even higher.

"Teasing will get you nowhere." He said, and gave Robin a pointed look as he tried to regain some of his neutrality. The not-smirk betrayed him.

"Actually, it has gotten me quite far already." She grinned back up at him and leaned against the counter. "And  _ by the way _ … my cooking skills aren't half as bad as you pretend they are."

"Unfortunately I cannot even disagree."


	37. Of Dusk and Dawn - Part 3

For the very first time when stepping onto the Hogwarts Express, Robin felt old. The majority of students were younger than her, and it made her painfully aware of how this was the second to last time she would ever feel the happiness of returning to Hogwarts. Luckily that only did little to taint her current excitement, and she mentally patted herself on the shoulder for being at the station so early. Most of the train was still empty, and thus Robin picked a cabin that promised the least walking traffic. Gosh, she couldn't wait to be back at school… as pathetically nerdy as that was. 

"Robin!!!" Cas beamed the very second she opened the sliding door, and already had Robin wrapped in a tight hug before she could say hi in return. It was only then that Robin noticed just how much she had missed a simple hug. The luxury of a comforting touch was hard to come by these days, especially since the one person whose touch she craved the most stayed at a constant distance. But hugging Cas was lovely in its own right, and no less overwhelming in the sudden affection. Robin's eyes watered in an instant, but not enough to form real tears. God, hugs were nice…

"Hey Cas." She finally said, once the girl had let her go and now took the window seat that wasn't already occupied by Robin herself. For a few minutes they chatted about the postcard Cas had sent her, and then the entire process of being hugged was repeated as Jorien joined them in their compartment. Robin didn't mind in the least, she baked in every bit of affection she got.

"Your hair has gotten so long!" Jorien remarked, addressing Robin once they had gotten comfortable in their spaces for the long ride. Soon enough, the landscape flew by outside the window, and the sun blinded Robin enough to be a bother.

"I forgot to have it cut over summer this year." She shrugged in return, crossing her legs on the seat. "Perhaps I will do it myself at some point, I'm quite good with a knife by now."

"Don't you dare!" Cas intervened immediately. "It looks amazing just like that! All lush and bouncy and messy… You really don't know a thing about what looks good on you and what doesn't, huh?"

"Thanks." Robin replied flatly and rolled her eyes, which only made Cas groan in return.

"Come on, I didn't mean it as an insult! Your style is perfectly alright; it suits you well with all that… chromatic elegant grungy-ness. But you could use some help with the  _ implementation  _ of that style." 

"I didn't even know I had a style in the first place." Robin shrugged and wrapped a loose curl around her finger only to release it again a few seconds later. Her hair almost went down to her waist at this point indeed, but if Cas thought it looked good… oh well. She could still cut it later in the year if it started bothering her. "I just wear whatever I like, usually."

"Which is perfectly alright." Jorien added in with a pointed look at Cas. "Not everyone thinks that school is a fashion show."

"Duh…" Cas rolled her eyes with a huff, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "I'm just trying to help. Maybe get Robin a little more  _ male  _ attention this term."

"Yeah, no, we are not having this conversation." Robin said before they could go any further into that direction. "So tell me… what did you guys do over the summer? Anything exciting?"

"What's even more interesting is what  _ you _ did over the summer." Jorien smirked at Robin with just a little too much mischief in her eyes, but at least she was going along with the change of topic. "Melissa told me that she saw you in the newspaper!"

"Who's Melissa?"

"A classmate of ours." Cas sighed, finally letting go of her feigned pout. "She's become somewhat of a friend recently."

"Good!" Robin smiled, looking at the two girls sitting opposite to her with a hopefully encouraging expression. "I'm glad you're making friends other than me at last! Perhaps your peers are finally grown up enough to be real friend material."

"Don't distract from the question." Jorien cut in, and Robin sighed. She'd taught her too well. "Were you in the Daily Prophet or not?"

"I was indeed." 

The two girls' eyes lit up in an instant. "Tell us all about it! What did you do, win some prize for your presumably amazing OWLs? Get arrested for thinking too fast? Cure some deadly disease?"

"Close." Robin laughed, and before she could think better of it, she pulled her locket out from under her shirt to summon up the rolled up picture she had put in there when she'd first cut it out of the newspaper. With a soft smile, she looked down at it for a moment, then handed the photograph to the two girls. 

"Now that is a lovely outfit you're wearing here! But… wait a second… Is that Professor Snape standing behind you?!" Cas asked incredulously after a few seconds of staring at the picture. "Did you meet there by coincidence or something? Because in comparison to all the old men, you and him actually stand out quite a bit."

Robin bit her lip to keep from laughing. They indeed were by far the youngest in the picture; and it was close to impossible to miss them even in a group of over forty people.

"The picture was taken at a conference about potions, which we attended together this year." Robin explained, and went to store the picture back in her locket once Jorien had done her fair share of staring as well. "No coincidence about any of that. We went together on purpose."

"Boring…" Cas sighed, and leaned back in her seat. "I wouldn't dream of spending time with a teacher outside of school, nor to spend more time on potions than I have to. But I know you're crazy enough to enjoy both, so nevermind. Anyway, what else did you do during the holidays?"

"I had coffee with a friend, occasionally." Robin smiled to herself, thinking back to Friday. How they'd made the best pasta she's ever had, without any magic at all. How they'd just sat in the open window in the dark living room, listening to the rain drumming on the stone tiles of her patio while a chilly wind contrasted the warmth of the tea in her hands. How when he had left, it had been late enough to say  _ until tomorrow _ .

"Uuhh…" Cas wiggled her eyebrows in the most ridiculous manner. " _ That  _ kind of friend, yes? Your smile is such a tell."

"Not even close to it, Cas." Robin quirked an eyebrow at her in return, with an expression entirely humored and entirely feigned; no need to turn into a blushing mess in front of them. And except for the overall existence of such, her and Snape's Friday meetings had been painfully appropriate indeed. Still, they had a silent agreement that it would be best not to mention them to anyone. "We are not even on a hugging kind of level in our friendship, which is perfectly fine though. We talk about books a lot."

"Was it the same friend who gave you the bracelet?" Jorien inquired pointedly innocently, motioning to the three pieces of jewelry Robin still wore around her wrist every day.

"The very same. I don't have friends other than you and him."

"Why do you never talk about him if he's your only  _ real  _ friend? Besides us, I mean… but we're different." Cas frowned. "Will you at least tell us who he is?"

"It wouldn't help you even if I did… You don't know him at all." Robin said, thanking the English language for allowing her this equivocation.

"Is he in Slytherin too?" Jorien tried inquiring in a careful tone, with a curious expression she couldn't quite hide.

"Yes. No. Not  _ exactly _ ." Robin replied and rolled her eyes at herself. She should just shut the questions down immediately; this was coming dangerously close to a place in her mind she didn't want to speak of. But they would never stop asking if she shut them down  _ now.  _ Not like this.

"Not exactly? What's that supposed to mean?!"

"It means that he isn't a student at Hogwarts anymore." She said truthfully. "He graduated long before your first year even started." 

"Darn it…" Cas groaned and rolled her eyes. "So that's why you never hang with him during the school year."

"Wait a second, if he graduated before we ever came to Hogwarts, how did he know that I was the right person to give you that bracelet last year?" Jorien frowned, giving Robin a highly questioning look. The girl really was too smart for her own good.

"I talked to him about you, silly!" Robin replied easily enough, as if it was the most obvious thing in existence. Always telling the truth was only difficult if one didn't practice it. "You've been my roomies for a while now, did you seriously expect me not to mention you?"

"Right… that makes sense." Jorien sighed, and her desire to question Robin disappeared along with her frown. "Anyway, what else is new?"

"Got me some new robes. Just because the school says we need black robes doesn't mean we all have to have the same boring students' robes they sell in Diagon Alley, eh? Also got dress robes for the new year's ball at last… you'll be positively surprised by those." Robin shrugged with a smirk, and now the sun finally bothered her enough to make her summon the small round sunglasses she had recently acquired out of the backpack next to her. As soon as she'd pushed them up her nose, the layer of darkness brought an immediate relief to her sore eyes. Who cares if it would get her some weird looks; not everyone could be a worshipper of the sun. "That's about it for me and my summer. What's new with you guys?"

_______________

The best thing about being in sixth year now was that Robin only had to take the subjects she actually cared about. No more history of magic, no more astronomy, no more divination… school was  _ way  _ more fun without those redundant classes. With the list of courses she wished to attend already being fixed, it had been ridiculously easy to set up her schedule on the first day of classes, and the week had started off relatively smoothly. 

Professor Morgan's jaw had dropped quite literally when Robin had sauntered into his classroom on the first day of defense against the dark arts class, sitting down in her usual spot and looking indifferent to him as ever. Honestly, she couldn't have cared less if he was upset that she was continuing his class. She was here to learn, and if he couldn't be professional beyond his hatred for her, then she would just have to do the same thing she'd done since first year: study for herself and ignore Morgan as much as possible.

Other than that, Robin loved the courses she was taking; N.E.W.T. level classes were a lot more demanding in their magic and assignments, but still no real challenge to Robin no matter how much she'd hoped they would be. They were fun though, and the assignments were actually enjoyable to complete most of the time. 

Outside of classes, she continued working on her handbook whenever she could, adding details and new information on a daily basis, and somehow she'd also ended up adding little drawings or clippings she'd been able to get her hands on to the correlating pages. By the middle of October, Robin felt like her project had finally reached a presentable state, and while she wasn't nearly done in her own eyes, the thick journal she had used was almost completely filled up by now. It was only then, on a lovely bleak Saturday, that she finally decided it was time to show her work to Snape at long last.

Saturday meant that Robin first of all spent a good while after breakfast tutoring Cas, Jorien, and Melissa (who somehow always tagged along with the two of them now) in transfiguration. When they moved on to potions after that, a few other third years overheard that Robin was very much knowledgeable in the subject, and they reluctantly asked if they could join the  _ class _ . The shy request made Robin smile to herself, and she graciously agreed to accept them as her  _ students _ for the day. In the end, they needed to move to a bigger room, for Robin ended up with sixteen students of various houses who wanted to listen to her going over the last month worth of third year potions class. 

So really it was only after lunch when Robin finally had the time to find Snape in his office. Just out of a spree, she actually knocked before she entered for once, then however continued on in as usual, without waiting for a reply. 

"Hey…" She smiled at him while she moved over to the side table to drop her backpack on her chair. "What are you doing?" 

"Inflicting terror and remorse, one idiot at a time." Snape sighed in a pointed tone, and Robin had to chuckle. It shouldn't amuse her so much that he was so annoyed with his students… but after three hours of tutoring, she was simply amused by the fact that he looked just like she felt.

"Ah, same old then." She grinned, and was just about to grab her secret project out of her backpack to proudly present it to him as a hopefully welcome distraction, when he muttered something under his breath, subconsciously, followed by a quiet sigh that was almost plaintive even. Perhaps… this wasn't a good time. Robin let her notebook drop back into her backpack and turned around to look at him instead, sitting down on the edge of the small table. 

Snape was bent over some parchment on his own desk with a deep frown on his face, looking partially annoyed, mostly frustrated and entirely done with whatever it was he had to do. Robin could practically feel the stress radiating off him, and it strongly supported her decision to lay off with her plans of showing him her project for now. Presenting him with more research and books surely wasn't something that would better the situation, which in return was all Robin could currently think of doing. 

"Can I do anything to help you?" She asked first of all, raising her eyebrows in a hopeful expression when he looked up at her for a few short seconds.

"Not unless you want to suffer the same slow death by utter nonsense that was forced upon me with these second year essays." He replied in an annoyed tone, frowning back down at the desk and aggressively scribbling an overly large  _ Dreadful _ on the parchment in front of him. Robin found that she pitied Snape just as much as his students in that moment, and she knew that for everyone's sake, she would have to come up with something other than chocolate cake.

"Alright, come on." She said determinedly, then pushed herself off the table and brushed imaginary dust off her black jeans. "There is something way more important to do than grading second year essays right now."

"And what would that be?" He raised an eyebrow at her in return, but already dropped his quill on the desk so abruptly that little sprinkles of ink dusted over the next essay paper as well as his hand.

"Going for a walk with me." Robin grinned as she summoned a jumper out of her backpack and then moved to put it on over her henley shirt. The second one she owned now, thanks to the positive remarks she had gotten for it. "I want to show you something."

Admittedly, that  _ something _ probably wouldn't impress him nearly as much as her handbook would, and Robin had never really considered showing it to him in the first place, but somehow the little sprinkles of black ink on his pale skin had convinced her that it might be worth a try. What she wanted to show him was neither related to potions nor to anything else in that regard at all, it was practically useless but for its potential to delight with its mere existence. So really, all Robin hoped for was that he wouldn't be mad at her for dragging him outside for something as pathetic as that. And still, a part of her couldn't wait for him to see it. With a grin, she motioned for him to come along as she made towards the door.

Snape didn't even try to protest as he rose to his feet to go along with her plan, keeping his eyes on her with a subtly curious frown. Meanwhile Robin wondered when exactly she had reached a point with him where she could just burst into the room and suggested something like this, and he would drop what he was doing in an instant to go with her. Alright, she would do and had done the very same for him as well, but that was different! He just could've told her to scurry off and stop distracting him from his work. But he hadn't, and that made her heart swell in the most pleasant way as she sauntered out into the hallway, where he soon followed before locking the door. 

Together they made their way through some of the most desolate corridors and passageways, avoiding as many people as possible until they arrived under the blindingly white sky at last. A chilly wind, swaying trees and the smell of impending rain greeted them, wrapping around Robin's senses like a silken sliver of liquid calm. A perfect day for a walk, and an even more perfect one for what she wanted him to see.

"Lead the way then." He said as they gained a distance to the walls of the castle. "Or is there no precise destination you wish to go?"

"Not really, no." Robin chuckled in return and crossed her arms over her chest for some warmth. It wasn't freezing, but her jumper was  _ barely _ warm enough. "It's a spell I want to show you."

"A spell that requires us to leave the castle?"

"You'll see, believe me. But other than that, I simply wanted to take a walk and you looked like you could use some air as well."

He returned a quiet hum in acknowledgement, perhaps agreement even, and they continued to make their way down the hill in comfortable silence. It really had been a while since they had taken a walk like this, just for fun. A while long enough for Robin to forget if they had always been walking next to each other so… closely. It was quite distracting to feel his presence next to her on a constant basis, scorching her entire right side and making her skin crawl. But then again, the mere fact that he was here with her was quite delightful on its own.

For a while they aimlessly wandered through the landscape, sometimes following the paths and sometimes straying away on purpose, through the trees that were torn between an early winter's desolate death and a late autumn's colourful beauty. When they finally found themselves on the shore of the black lake, the place that seemed to hold an inevitable gravity on Robin, the October chill was already sitting deep in her bones. But so was the calm.

"Perhaps we should return to the castle before it starts to rain." Snape remarked, but made no attempt to turn around as he stood with Robin on the waterline, overlooking the mildly crinkling but ever vast surface of the lake. A black mirror.

"I still want to show you that spell." She replied easily, smiling to herself as her eyes lifted from the deep dark grey of the water to the almost blinding greyish white of the sky above them. "I merely had to wait for the right moment."

"And when would that be?" He inquired with a layer of curiosity in his tone, as a crashing thunder rippled through the bubble of serenity that surrounded them.

"Now." Robin replied with a soft smile, then she pulled her wand out of her sleeve and pointed it up at the sky. All she heard for a few seconds was her own breathing, her own heartbeat, and the faint lapping of water at the stones beneath her feet.  _ Focus… _ Breathe. " _ Lux obscurius _ ."

The white sky, blinding in its cold brightness. A black lightning, a bolt of utmost darkness, cutting through the white and splitting time for a broken second. Veiling the world in darkness. And then, light again, accompanied by absolute silence. The drowning out of every sound, every noise absent and gone for the duration of this negative of thunder. A heartbeat later, the wind whispered again, the water rolled over the pebbles, and Robin let out the quiet breath she had been holding. A perfect lightning of darkness, a perfect thunder of soundlessness.

"It's quite useless, is it not?" She chuckled nervously after a moment, turning to look at Snape with a small frown and a weak half smile. Damn his enigmatic expression, damn his silence; she had no idea what he thought. "I was just experimenting. Again. It really isn't anything special, it's just-..."

"It is a piece of art if I have ever seen one." He interrupted her, holding her gaze with the barest hint of sincere awe shining through the intricately woven layer of burning emotions Robin couldn't separate into graspable strings. A layer that she only now understood to be the very same as his facade of neutrality. "You should show it to someone who is capable of being moved by such delicate beauty."

"I believe I just did." She replied with a small smile, and his brows furrowed into a frown that was more defense than accusation. Robin understood that he didn't want her to know… but she wanted him to understand that she knew anyway. "You are bleeding emotions, you know… Out of invisible wounds that are unfathomable in their origin to me, but still I can feel you bleeding like you saw the crimson on your fingertips when I did."

For a moment he just stared at Robin, and she in return observed how his chest rose and fell with every breath he took. It was a calming sight, intimate and distant at once. They still stood on the shore, still tempting fate to open up the skies in an orchestration of water, sound and wind. But for the moment, time was frozen.

"You are so very receptive of some matters, and yet so very blind to others. Why, pray tell, do I fall into the former category?" He finally inquired without any spite, and Robin realized just how much she had hoped that he wouldn't just shut her out entirely. Relief drowned that spark of fear before it could root.

"Because I care to look, and you allow me to see." She replied easily, confidently almost, in the knowledge that it was true what she said.

"That's ridiculous… I most definitely do  _ not!" _ He scoffed with a sullen look, but as Robin quirked an eyebrow at him in doubt, he rolled his eyes exaggeratedly. "Fine, perhaps I do. Unintentionally, I should say. What you are  _ supposed _ to see is annoyance, and occasionally anger."

"Anger is the only emotion that doesn't make you vulnerable by showing it." She shrugged, offering him another small smile that hopefully portrayed understanding rather than disregard of what he was saying. "And the more vulnerable you feel, the more anger comes pouring out of you. Always lashing out, before anyone else has the chance to hurt you first. It's only self-preservation, really. I tend to do the same."

"How do you do it?"

"What?"

" _ Knowing. _ "

"As I said, I care to look." Robin's smile widened a little, and she shrugged one shoulder. "And you let me see."

"Don't get me started on what  _ you  _ let me see." He huffed, but there was undoubtedly a spark of humor in his voice, now made room for by the vanishing defensiveness. He didn't deny her statement, not again. "For example, I can always tell when you so desperately try to hide your wish to disagree with me in class."

Robin's lips parted as they curled into a large smile, then she had to laugh after a second of surprise. "Well, at least I  _ try  _ not to be an insufferable know-it-all in front of the entire class!"

"You are quite insufferable as it is, but you do know a lot indeed. Next time you want to disagree with me, humor me by trying, will you?"

"You know I'll succeed anyway."

"We should have to see about that." He quirked an eyebrow at her with a not-smirk, clasping his hands behind his back just as the first raindrops ruffled the surface of the lake.

The wind picked up as well, blowing Robin's hair into her face despite the ponytail she'd put it into, but she kept on smiling even as heavy pearls of water hit her lips, her neck, her lashes, each one a beautiful reminder of how intensely and desperately alive she felt in that moment. Sometimes the world ended with a bang, sometimes with a whisper. And perhaps it was reborn the same way. 

A bright flash cut through her vision, lightning followed by a deafening thunder, and hell broke loose at last. In an instant the rain doubled in speed, faster and louder and stronger and colder, but Robin only closed her eyes as she smiled up at the sky to let the rain pearl down onto her face. The water soaked through the fabric of her jumper in an instant, stinging her skin in a sodden cold, but it held nothing against the pleasure of raw passion that tided through her at the same time.

When Robin opened her eyes at last, an entire legion of dark lightnings surged through the sky in a web of black ink, hitting the world in a display of brutal fragility. Soundlessness, inevitably drowning out the rain and the wind, as loud in its silence as a crash of thunder in its noise. Then it was just the rain again, putting everything into perspective as Robin finally lowered her gaze from the skies to look at Snape.

He still seemed to be mostly dry, standing under the faint glow of his umbrella spell, and he observed Robin with an expression that,  _ for him _ , looked almost sincerely happy. The sight squeezed Robin's heart in pure adoration, and she couldn't help but smile while rain dropped down from her lashes and onto her lips. 

"You are insufferable." He mused with a small smirk and the most obvious teasing expression.

Robin chuckled in return, shaking her head to herself as she crossed her arms over her chest to at least keep some of her warmth. By now, she was entirely drenched. "What did I do this time?"

"For one, you showed me one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen."

"The spell?"

"Passion." He said without the slightest hint of discomfort, as if it was just another easy fact, and that one mere word set Robin's skin ablaze and her heart under electricity.  _ Damn… _

"But…" He added before long, and Robin got the impression that he finally caught on to what he had said. "You are also entirely sodden, and I have to return you to the castle somehow before you turn into an icicle. So get yourself an umbrella before I take pity on you."

"Sure, as soon as you tell me the spell to do so." Robin smiled, giving him a small shrug while she leaned her head to the side. Really, they taught spells for turning animals into drinking cups at school, but not how to conjure up an umbrella.  _ Education… _ Ironic.

"Perhaps another time." He replied with a hint of a smile as he took the one remaining step to stand next to her, then he wrapped his arm tightly around her shoulders at last.

Robin let herself be pulled close more than gladly, under the dry space of the umbrella and into his side. A moment later the water melted off her skin, fading from her clothes into a thin mist that was blown into the wind and disappeared altogether within a few seconds, leaving her dry enough to bask in the warmth that radiated off him. Gods, he was warm indeed… and his touch still heavenly as ever. She smiled down at the path beneath her feet then, and leaned into his side just a little bit more than she had to as they made their way back towards the castle. If he noticed at all, he made no attempt to protest.


	38. Of Dusk and Dawn - Part 4

The moment they were back in Snape's office, Robin got started on making them coffee. It was early afternoon by now, and she was well aware that there still was plenty of work to be done before they could move on over to the lab. Once again she offered her help with his work, but his (admittedly very much justified) objection remained that he couldn't let her grade other students' essays, and Robin had to accept that. Thus she merely sat down at the smaller table with her own coffee after handing him his, and henceforth listened to him complaining about the many stupid mistakes the second years had made in their essays. Eventually it became a real game between them, to keep a list of the most ridiculous things people had written in their essays, and to rank them by their level of idiocy. Robin, void of anything else to do for once, actually wrote it all down on a piece of parchment, both the most ridiculous statements and the ranking points they had given them.

In the end, they successfully managed to miss dinner entirely, as their game was more entertaining than either of them had anticipated. But the work was done, and Robin was proud to say that she had made it less dreadful for him after all. Even if not entirely on purpose, but still very much willingly.

"You know, you could probably fill an entire lesson just with reading out the dumbest quotes on this list and have the students figure out why it's so wrong." Robin sighed with a smirk as she stretched in her chair. The piece of parchment in front of her looked almost like a piece of art at this point, littered not only with the most desperately wrong quotes from the essays, but also Robin's corrections of them, as well as some extended elaborations on the matter and little drawings of ingredients. Yes, she had been  _ that  _ bored between judging ridiculous quotes. 

"I could. Should I, however?" He raised an eyebrow at Robin with a not-smirk while he got up from behind his desk at last, only to sit down again across from her at the small table. Without taking his eyes off hers, he snatched the piece of parchment out from under her fingertips and only then lowered his gaze to inspect it. A few seconds passed before he frowned, and Robin smiled.

"I think you should." She remarked innocently, replying to his earlier question while leaning back in her chair. "Have them correct the mistakes, that is, not mock the person who made them."

"I am surprised that  _ you _ bothered to correct them."

"Didn't have much else to do between judging students' idiocracy. Besides, at this point I really should know the second year topics, shouldn't I? Did them twice, after all." 

" _ Twice _ because…?"

"Once in my own second year and then again last year when tutoring Jorien and Cas. So technically I only  _ did  _ them once, and then tried to teach them a second time."

"You still tutor your roommates regularly?"

"Yeah." Robin shrugged with a smile. "Not just them though, and by far not only in potions. Just this morning I actually had sixteen students, can you imagine?! Sixteen thirteen-year-olds! And they actually  _ listened  _ to what I said!!!"

Now Snape's eyebrows rose in surprise, but the not-smirk turned into a real one; small, but definitely visible. "I had no idea that was even a possibility."

"Me neither!" Robin laughed, then kept on grinning. "So, just in case you get a suspicious amount of high quality essays from your third years next week, you know who to blame. Or who to thank."

"We will see about that." He replied with the same smirk, but then continued on a more serious note as he took another look at the parchment in his hands. "May I keep this?"

"Sure." Robin shrugged easily, and for whatever reason her heart skipped a beat. "I hope you can decipher all of it… I didn't specifically try for readability."

"I have been reading your handwriting for years, Robin. Not only in tests or essays written specifically to be handed in, but in scribbles and working notes as well. I would even say I know it quite as well as my own."

"Good." Robin couldn't help grinning at him with enough excitement to make him frown a little in suspicion. Before he could ask however, she had already summoned her handbook out of her backpack and dropped it on the table in front of him with a dull thud. "Because there's something else I have been dying to show you."

_______________

A quiet rustling of sheets, soft breathing, hushed whispers. "Robin…" The mattress dipped gently at her side. She smiled, curling a little closer around the new source of warmth. "ROBIN!!!" 

She jumped at the loud voice, sitting up with a start, and her head bumped against something hard in an instant.

"Ow…" She grumbled with a deep frown, rubbing her now aching forehead in an instant, while her eyes finally went into focus enough to see Cas sitting in front of her on her bed, rubbing her forehead just the same. Jorien sat on the other side, laughing at both their misery without a hint of guilt or pity.

"Very funny, you guys…" Robin groaned tiredly as she crossed her legs underneath her to make room for the two girls. "The last time you woke me up like this was-..."

"Happy birthday, Robin!" Both girls cheered before she could finish her sentence, and Robin had to smile despite the small mishap. 

"Thank you! Is it really the twentieth already? _ Again _ ?" She sighed, but by now she knew that resistance to Cas was hard, and resistance to Jorien was entirely futile.

"Twentieth of October, six o'clock in the morning!" Cas grinned, and crossed her legs as well while Jorien followed suit a few seconds later.

"Six?! Good gods…" Robin groaned exaggeratedly and frowned at them with a desperate smile. "Why on earth would you wake me up this early?"

"Because it's Thursday and our present for you requires some time before breakfast." Jorien replied factually, and Cas nodded in her usual giddy eagerness.

"Do I need to be scared?" Robin inquired with a raised eyebrow and an amused smile. She knew that look on their faces, and she knew that they were up to something. A second later, a small box very much like the one she had received last year was placed in her lap and Robin opened it with a curious smile. When her eyes fell onto the contents however, her brows furrowed, and she looked up at Cas and Jorien with a big question mark on her face.

"We're not doing anything you don't want to, of course… But you liked those onyx earrings so much when we went to Hogsmeade, so we decided to get them for you." Cas shrugged with an excited smile, and Jorien merely nodded in no less amusement.

"That is very sweet of you, but you realize that I don't actually have any holes in my ears but the ones nature demands, yes?"

" _ Yet _ . That is part of the present." Cas replied mischievously, and both girls smiled at Robin in a way that made her realize that they were absolutely serious in what they were planning to do. It humored her more than it probably should have.

"Alright." Robin said with an easy smile. "Thank you for the lovely present. If you take joy in stabbing holes into my skin, feel free to. I don't mind."

"Wait… really?!" Cas frowned incredulously. "I thought you were going to protest! I prepared an entire speech to convince you that it was for the best!"

"I told you she would be all for it." Jorien shrugged at her friend, with a humored smile similar to the one Robin wore herself. "And you didn't write a speech, you practiced saying 'please' in as many ways as possible."

"Don't tell her that!" Cas protested with a roll of her eyes, and Robin merely had to chuckle at the two of them. They were like an old married couple sometimes, and it was hilarious and adorable at once to observe. Cas turned to Robin once again. "Anyway, we asked McGonagall for a spell to pierce your ears that wouldn't blow your head off along the way, so you don't have to worry about a thing. It's all approved and safe for use."

"I'm not worried." Robin replied easily, and really she thought the idea was rather sweet. It was such a typical teenager thing to do… something of the kind she had never spent a second thinking about before now. But to Cas and Jorien it actually seemed to be of immense importance to do this themselves, and Robin felt touched that they included her in their spark of youthful rebellion. And she wouldn't mind getting her ears pierced after all. "So… You  _ actually _ asked McGonagall for a spell?"

"Who did you expect us to ask?! What Professor Snape is for you, McGonagall is for Jorien. I'm just swimming on her wave." Cas explained, then motioned for Jorien to go ahead and do the actual work. A typical Cas move, giving the speech and leaving the work for someone else. "This is probably going to hurt, so you might want to grab something."

"Don't worry, it takes a lot to hurt me these days." Robin sighed and for once, she would just have to trust them; there wasn't much that could go wrong anyway. "But try to keep my head intact, alright?"

Ten minutes later, and luckily without any accidents, Robin had two neat holes in her ears and could at last make use of the gift she'd received. Two studs of black onyx, small but just as gorgeous as she remembered them to be from the two times they had looked at them through the shopwindow in Hogsmeade. She smiled when she looked at herself in the mirror, admiring the subtle new detail about her appearance. The deep black really was a sharp contrast to her ashen skin, but so was her dark hair anyway. The new piece of jewelry probably wouldn't be all too noticeable in comparison to that.

"You look absolutely gorgeous, birthday girl…" Cas declared dramatically, still lounging on Robin's bed even while Robin herself had gotten up. "Now we just need to get a little colour onto your face and you're ready to seize this day!"

Robin spun around to face them in an instant, glaring at the two girls in both horror and defense. There was a lot she would let them do to her, but that most definitely did not include turning her into a canary! "Cas no!  _ Absolutely  _ not!"

"Cas yes!"

"Jorien?" Robin pleaded with both her tone and her eyes while moving back over to her bed and to the girls. "I already let you make holes into my ears!"

"Sorry, but it's all part of our present." Jorien shrugged with a sympathetic half smile before she moved off the bed to get ready. "Just let it happen."

"What  _ is  _ your present if it includes piercing my ears and painting my face?!"

"We're making you pretty, dumbass! Like they do in the movies!" Cas groaned loudly and rolled off the bed as well to pad back towards her own. "You're bloody 17 now! And you _ still  _ don't have any dates! We're trying to get you one."

"Not that again…" Robin sighed in return, hiding her head in her hands for a moment to regain some composure before she started getting dressed for the day of classes. "Don't you guys have anything better to do than meddling in my affairs?"

"No." Both Jorien and Cas replied at the same time, then giggled at their synchrony, and Robin finally had to realize that resistance was futile indeed. Sometimes living with thirteen-year-olds demanded a sacrifice; sometimes Robin just had to make concessions to their youth. And honestly, she couldn't deny them a thing, being as excited as they were about this now.

"Fine…" She sighed at last, mindlessly buttoning up her blouse with long practiced moments, then tugged it into her trousers. "You may paint my face if it means so much to you. But I'll get the bathroom first, now and all to myself. And I forbid you to use anything actually colourful."

"But colour is the best part! It's ALL colour!!!" Cas cried as she struggled into her tights. "Some charcoal would do  _ wonders  _ on your eyes!"

"Black isn't actually a colour but a value." Jorien corrected with a roll of her eyes. "So technically you can use all the black, white and grey you want."

"Precisely! Thank you, Jorien, your thought-out input is always very much appreciated." Robin smiled proudly at the girl, who in return grinned to herself upon the praise. "Now, do we have an agreement? I get the bathroom first and you will use  _ no  _ colours, but you may otherwise do with my hair and face as you please. Deal?"

"Deal!"

… … … 

In the end, Robin had to make another compromise: in exchange for not getting any brown paste and powder onto her face, which Cas seemed to be very fond of unfortunately, she had to agree to let them use colours, _dark_ colours, on her eyes. Thus Robin ended up sitting on her bed, sighing repeatedly, while Cas painted her face and Jorien braided her hair. Honestly, she still didn't know how or why exactly she _(the older one!_ ) had become their dress up doll, but under the pretext of 'making her look pretty for her birthday', Robin still found herself unable to deny them. Even if, on the inside, she very much felt like running.

When all three of them made their way towards the great hall for breakfast at last, Robin still felt mildly uncomfortable. The braid Jorien had forced her hair into was rather charming actually, and also very much useful to keep the wavy, bushy mess out of her face, but she wasn't so sure about the 'smokey' black, brown and green Cas had layered around her eyes. Robin felt more like a raccoon than herself… but in comparison to what some (few) of her classmates wore on a daily basis, or those women in the magazines Cas read instead of books, it still was subtle enough to tolerate for a day. Makeup may be fun for some other people, which was fine, but it most definitely wasn't for Robin and she had a rather strong interest in not repeating this masquerade. Oh well… she still would be racoon-Robin for a day now. Besides, it would break the girls' hearts if she didn't suffer through it with a smile on her face, so that's what she did as they hurried to breakfast.

"And where would we be coming from?" A taunting voice stopped all three of them just outside the great hall, and Robin had to smile while the other two looked rather panicked upon the unexpected appearance of their potions teacher. "Miss Miller, Miss Blakeley… Punctuality is a virtue, not an option. Breakfast started fifteen minutes ago. You are late."

"So are you,  _ professor.. _ ." Robin replied with an innocent smile, which however turned into more of a smirk as soon as her eyes met his. "Isn't that a funny coincidence?"

Snape approached them with long strides and his usual public facade, and the closer he came, the more Cas and Jorien hid behind Robin. She still didn't understand how they could miss the humor in his face that even now was obvious as day! All they saw was the menacing scowl he wanted them to see. That  _ they  _ probably wanted to see as well; expectation and prejudice were the masters of deceit in one's own mind.

"Funny." He said to Robin in a particularly flat tone that made her bite her lip to keep from laughing, then he turned to look at Jorien and Cas instead. "You two would do well to be on time from now on, even if for a mere meal. I tolerate no slacking. Now find your seats before your classmates leave nothing but their empty plates for you." With that, he motioned for them to get going, clasping his hands behind his back with that indifferent look that made Robin smile even more.

"Robin…? Are you coming?" Jorien asked carefully while Cas straight out started walking off already, gaining as much distance to Snape as possible until she disappeared out of sight. Jorien still stood between Robin and the doors, looking at her insecurely.

"You should be fine without your precious Robin for five minutes, or is that too much to ask?" Snape drawled in feigned annoyance, and Robin gave him a look before turning to Jorien.

"I'll be there in five minutes, just save me a seat and some toast, will you?" She smiled at the girl as positively as possible, who only nodded with a weak smile in return before quickly following behind Cas, out of sight.

"Did you have to scold them for something so minor?" Robin finally asked as she turned back to Snape with a small frown. "They were only late because of me, or rather because of what they did for me. Today, at least…" Really, they were usually late for _all_ meals. No matter what day it was, and no matter if they were with Robin or without her.

"Had they been any later, all they would have found left is scrapings. It might have slipped your notice, but their classmates are more animals than civilised beings when it comes to meals." He pointed out calmly, and Robin had to sigh. He was right. "Unless you wish to show them how to use the kitchens or leave them to fend for themselves in the future, I would prefer to teach them punctuality."

"Yeah, alright, I see your point." She said with another sigh. "Nevermind. I usually prefer being early anyway."

"I am aware." He replied with a not-smirk, upon which Robin had to smile again as well. "Is that colour in your face the reason for your mutual lateness?"

"Ah, well, yes." Robin chuckled awkwardly, and before she knew her fingers nervously brushed over the rough spot of skin on her neck again. "It is, uh… it's part of their birthday present to me, I guess. They insisted on it."

For a moment Snape observed her closely, with a curious frown that made Robin feel both nervous and tingly. He leaned a little closer for a second, then back again. "Sometimes else about you is different than it was yesterday evening, but I cannot tell what it is."

"Well, uh, I also let them pierce my ears, because they really wanted to, so it's probably that." Robin shrugged with an almost apologetic frown. Did he observe everyone that closely? Probably.

His eyebrows rose in surprise, torn between incredulity, humor and irritation. "Why would you let them do all that to you? I was under the impression that people did  _ nice _ things for others on their birthdays…"

"They gave me earrings, so they also had to make sure I could wear them. And as for the colour in my face… you better don't ask what made them do that to me." She shrugged again, deeming the way he said 'nice' highly amusing. "I let them do it because it quite obviously made them happy."

"It is _your_ birthday. People are supposed to ensure _you_ are happy."

"Oh, I'm quite happy as it is." Robin replied with a small smirk, and a soaring heart once more. "I can manage looking like a raccoon for the day. Perhaps it'll scare Morgan off at least."

A quiet snort escaped him before he could make an effort to remain stoic, and even then he seemed to struggle not to smirk. " _ Raccoon _ certainly is not what I think of when I look at you, Robin. But you make me curious about their reason to obviously try for exactly that."

Now Robin had to snort as well, shaking her head to herself. Damn, she didn't want to tell him… but she also knew that she could deny him even less than the two girls. What was it about the people she cared about?! The only weak spot she knew of, and they all were entirely oblivious to it.

"If you have to know, they wanted to make me look pretty for the day." She sighed, but as soon as he even made an attempt to reply, she added, "Don't. Please. No scorn or mocking on my birthday. I have to make concessions if I want to keep my sanity when living with them, and this was such an instance. I could have looked far worse."

"I was merely going to say that they obviously have a strange concept of beauty if they are blind enough to try to cover it up with  _ paint _ ." He said as if it wasn't enough to make Robin's entire body feel too hot all of a sudden. Actually, he didn't even seem to realize what exactly he had just said in the first place as he went on. "I do very well understand your need to make concessions, and your diplomacy is certainly appropriate. However you don't have to tolerate everything they do to you merely because I told you to watch over them."

"I know. That's not why I do it, not at all." She sighed, regaining control over her heartbeat by simply ignoring what he hadn't even said on purpose. "They care about me, they really do, and they only want the best for me in their own kind of way. A thirteen-year-old way, which unfortunately entails trying to draw more  _ positive _ attention to me."

He frowned at that, with a lingering hint of amusement. "They paint your eyes black to draw positive attention to you? How… curious."

"I know, right?" She huffed in both humor and dread. "I for my part like black better than anything else they could've put on my fave, but it's probably the wrong colour to make other people think 'pretty' and not 'scary'. I forbid them to use bright colours though, so perhaps it is my fault that I'll scare people off all day, which I do almost every day anyway, so-..."

"Robin." He quirked an eyebrow at her, and Robin took a deep breath to untangle the mess in her head that caused her to ramble.

"Yes. Sorry. Nevermind, just forget about it." 

"Give me your hand." He ordered calmly an instant later, holding his own out to her with his palm facing up. Robin's heart skipped a beat, but she did as he said without question, placing her hand in his only to feel the familiar surge of electricity running up her arm and through her body.

To her surprise, he turned her hand around to rest in his with the inside facing up as well. Then, without a word, a small spark of light flickered to life inside her palm. It glowed softly in different colours that came and went so quickly it left the light white, an addition of all colours, and yet black at once in its subtraction. Robin couldn't have described it even if she'd wanted to, for her eyes and mind were too drawn to their hands to even try such a thing. The spark grew, not into a bigger light, but into a shape, a web of atoms that made up matter one by one. It grew,  _ blossomed  _ and rooted until at last it took on the unmistakable shape of a flower. A flower Robin had never seen before, one that was entirely black in its impossible existence, but yet consisted of all the colours in existence indeed. She couldn't take her eyes of it as it rested in her palm, all light gone but the impossible colours remained. His hand was still curled around hers, long fingers brushing against the delicate skin of her wrist beneath the cuff of her blouse… Robin didn't know which of the two fascinated, enchanted her more. Perhaps both did, in a different way.

"Now, would you expect someone to deem this flower scary?" He asked after a few seconds, dropping his hand from hers at last.

"No…" Robin replied quietly, holding the blossom in her palm like the greatest treasure. "It's beautiful, breathtaking even. I've never seen anything like it."

"Because it stems from your mind alone, which makes it entirely unique in its existence." 

"But, how… I mean…" She didn't even know what to say, leave alone what to think, neither in a positive nor in a negative way. Why had he shown this beautiful piece of magic to her? Why hadn't she known that he  _ could  _ do something like this in the first place?! The overwhelming urge to be closer to him overcame her when she looked up at him, and it couldn't even be lessened by his perfect neutral facade. Gods, why did he always hide when she wanted to see him the most?! "Why?"

"It is nothing but a reminder that darkness does not scare everyone." He replied neutrally, neither bothering to feign indifference nor to let his honest expression shine through. A few seconds passed in silence, and they merely looked at each other as they did so often. 

"Thank you." Robin finally said, giving him the most sincere smile that had graced her lips all day. "It's a lovely gift."

"It isn't a gift." He was quick to respond though, frowning first, then looking almost humored again. "But it might counteract the racoon visual nonetheless."

Robin chuckled, closing her eyes for a second to dwell in the happiness of the moment. The overwhelming bunch of emotions tied to the impossible flower in her hand. "Well, thank you either way. I appreciate your help with my facial issues."

Finally the not-smirk was back on his face, and if Robin wasn't mistaken, so was the humor in his eyes. "What kind of…  _ person  _ would I be if I didn't help you even with the most obscure problems?" Again he raised his eyebrows at her, and she smiled brightly enough to light up the entire hallway, until he spoke on. "That, among other things, is why I want you to be prepared at two o'clock this afternoon."

"Huh?" Robin's brows furrowed into a deep frown in an instant. "Prepared for what?"

"To play along." He smirked for real this time, quite obviously basking in her confusion. "You will see."

Then, without another word, Snape turned on his spot and disappeared down the hallway towards the dungeons before Robin could say another thing. Two seconds later, the doors to the great hall were opened by the first students already leaving breakfast, and they stormed the hallway with enough noise and chattering to break Robin free of her frozen state. Did Snape actually enjoy being that cryptic?! He probably did; insufferable idiot. 

Robin sighed to herself, looking at the flower in her hand in careful consideration, then moved to tie it into her hair with a smile. Having this little piece of magic with her,  _ his  _ magic, would certainly make her day a lot better, even if it was prone to cause her constant tingles. Who cares… it was her birthday, she could allow herself to enjoy one single day of dwelling in her feelings. And besides, nobody had to know who had given her such an impossible flower; it wasn't a gift after all, just a point proven.

As Robin made her way into the great hall at last, hoping that at least some kind of food was left for her, she wondered what would be happening at two o'clock. She really couldn't wait to know. Then again, the anticipation and excitement of not knowing was also quite delightful. Two o'clock… that was a third into her defense against the dark arts class. And that meant whatever was going to happen, it could only be an improvement.


	39. Of Dusk and Dawn - Part 5

Five minutes to one thirty, the beginning of defense class. Robin sauntered towards her second row seat with a sigh, dropping down with a smile. Not even half an hour until  _ something  _ would be happening at last, and she already couldn't wait anymore. The entire day had been filled with little but guessing what would be happening, with anticipation and giddiness. Good thing that Morgan wasn't here yet; at least she could keep smiling for another five minutes before it would bring her into a vulnerable position. Or so she thought.

"Hey." A hoarse voice sounded from right next to her, and Robin jumped on the inside, however not even remotely on the outside. At least for Morgan's classes, she always plastered on her thickest facades, and that was her luck now. In an instant Robin turned her head to who was now sitting next to her, surprised to be spoken to at all, and her eyes fell onto the last person she would have expected. Alexander Downing.

For a moment, she just frowned at him in silence, unsure what to say or even if to say anything at all. She hadn't really spoken to him ever since he had stopped bothering her somewhere in her earlier years at Hogwarts, and he had never made an attempt to converse with her either. Until now.

"Uh, I heard it's your birthday today, is that true?" He asked after a moment of awkward silence, with a nervous half smile. Robin's frown only deepened in confusion. What advantage would he gain out of that knowledge? Little… so it was safe to answer.

"It is." She replied neutrally, in her best facade, politely and calmly but without any hint of emotion. Those she had enough on the inside. This surely wasn't what was  _ supposed  _ to happen in half an hour, was it? No… she couldn't imagine that. 

"Happy birthday, in that case." He smiled at her, a crooked smile that conveyed enough nervousness to make Robin question his intentions even more. Just out of instinct, or should she call it habit, she held onto her backpack a little tighter, kept tension in all important muscle groups and always had an eye on her surroundings. Whatever he was trying to distract her from, she wouldn't be fooled.

"Thank you." She said though, with a polite but cold smile in return.

"I, uh… do you mind if I sit here with you for today's class?" He asked after another pause, balling the fabric of his trousers in his fists only to release it again a second later. "I forgot my textbook and I thought perhaps… we could share for today?"

Robin wanted to say no. Everything within her said no. "Certainly." Damnit, brain! If only she had the heart to be mean now, for her own sake. But somehow she could only ever be mean in return, never the one to start.

"Thank you…" He let out a relieved breath and another nervous laugh. "I really wasn't sure if you would be willing to."

Instead of giving a verbal reply, Robin summoned her book out of her bag, then placed it on the empty desk in between them. Another minute of silence passed.

"You know, I… uh…" He started again, and Robin dutifully turned to give him a suitable amount of her attention, eyebrows risen. "You have a pretty flower in your hair."

"I am aware. Thank you."

"I'm not good with flowers, or plants in general… but you're really into herbology, aren't you?"

"I deem it highly useful as a study of ingredients for potion making."

"Ah." He said awkwardly, looking down at his desk for a moment before he got out parchment and quill at last. Scribbling the date on top. "So, uh… potions, huh?"

"What about potions?" Robin frowned at him in question and still hugged her backpack to her chest. What exactly did he want from her? Uphold a conversation? Ask for tutoring? He most definitely wasn't sitting here because of a forgotten book.

"You liked the subject before? Or did you… I mean, do you take the N.E.W.T potions class?" He inquired, tapping his quill on the parchment in a way that almost smudged the entire page. Robin shuddered inwardly.

"I continued potions class, yes. It is my favorite subject."

"Cool…" He nodded to himself, turning back to his desk. It was absolutely obvious that he wanted to say something, Robin could tell even without looking at him. He made an attempt to start speaking a few times, subtly, in the belief Robin hadn't noticed. Only when the clock told them it was time for class to start, he finally found his voice again. "Uh, look Robin, I… you…"

"I am listening." She said, once he stopped with a frown to scratch his neck, but she kept looking at him in cool consideration.

"You are-..." He was cut off then by Morgan, who came sauntering down the few stairs from his office.

"Good morning, class!  _ Beautiful  _ day, is it not?" The professor smiled brightly and feignedly as ever, and the usual bunch of girls in the back rows started giggling. Robin groaned under her breath, rolling her eyes when nobody was looking, and then went back to perfect neutrality. Less than thirty minutes. She could do that.

… … … 

Honestly, she couldn't focus. Fifteen minutes had passed, crippled away in a slow death, and every new minute had felt longer than the previous one. If Morgan made any more useless comments just to hear the girls in the back fawning over him, Robin would hit her head against her desk until either broke into pieces.

Twenty minutes into class… oh bloody hell, waiting was painful. 

Twenty one… She had already read the chapter they were being introduced to now, and it was dreadfully boring to hear it all  _ again _ , at a pace even the last idiot could follow.

Twenty two… Alexander next to her was actually taking notes of what Morgan said. Robin hadn't even bothered getting out parchment and quill in the first place.

Twenty three… His handwriting was messy. Not the nice kind of messy that held a certain aesthetic of knowledge and experience, like Snape's, but the kind of messy you would expect from a child in kindergarten.

Twenty four… The stupid paint on her face was starting to itch, and she had been  _ dying  _ to rub her eyes all day, only to be reminded by her subconscious mind that she would smudge the entire makeup thing.

Twenty five… Morgan was demonstrating a spell, but Snape had shown Robin a far better one that did the same thing, when they'd talked about the current dada subject in the lab three nights ago.

Twenty six… A tap on Robin's shoulder. She turned around to look at Melody Sparks in the row behind her. Gods, she couldn't believe that she had actually  _ lived _ with that girl for over three years. Luckily that was long over now. Alexander turned around to the girl behind them as well.

"Hey jay…" Melody sneered with a crude grin. "Cute flower you've got there. Did you steal it from a graveyard?"

Robin gave her a cold glare for a moment, one of the kind that conveyed a bone deep chill, and Melody actually did look mildly frightened. Content with the reaction, Robin turned back around, even if the sight of Morgan wasn't any better.

"Alex!" Melody said quickly, before the boy could turn back to the front as well. It didn't need more than that one word for Robin to know that the girl was head over heels for him. Geez… she had no intention to get involved in any of that. "Alex, do you wanna hang out later?"

"Uh, I…" He croaked out, looking from Melody to Robin and back. Robin didn't look at either of them. "Sorry, Melody, but I really have to study for… charms."

Melody scoffed and leaned back in her chair, and Robin's neutral indifference took on a slightly more humored tone.

Twenty seven… Robin's heart picked up speed in anticipation once again. Three more minutes until precisely two o'clock. What would happen? Would anything happen at all?

Twenty eight… Alexander turned to Robin once again, with a nervous frown on his face.

"Uh, Robin?"

She returned the gaze expectantly and with seemingly more attention than she actually was willing to give him. But pretending to listen was a skill she had acquired long ago.

"I know I wasn't always nice to you and… all that… but look, I don't care what people say about you! You're not as terrifying as everyone claims, leave alone as obnoxious!" He said, and almost stumbled over his own words while he made small tears into the page on the desk in front of him. Robin didn't know what brought her more discomfort, his words or that maltreatment of parchment. "Actually… I think that your mysterious and… kinda scary demeanor is rather... attractive? I mean… crazy is kinda hot, right? Eh… I know that the others make fun of your hair, or… or call you a corpse because of your skin tone, or joke about where you got that scar from… but I don't mind at all! So… I was just wondering if you'd like to… you know… study with me, sometime?"

Twenty nine… Couldn't he have waited another freaking minute with… whatever he was doing here?! Robin felt overwhelmed, more insulted than flattered, and thus she simply stared at Alexander with a frown. Was he trying to mock her? Because nobody could seriously believe what he'd just said to be a compliment. Honestly, she hadn't known half of what he was saying, hadn't heard a word of it, for people usually didn't dare to insult her straight up. That was only left for Morgan to do. 

"Am I boring you, Miss Mitchell?" The man in question asked sharply as he stepped up to Robin's desk with a piercing glare.

"Yes." She replied without pulling a face in the slightest, as she merely turned to look up at him with her perfect neutrality as always. Around her, the classroom burst out into whispers and snorts, quiet laughter even. Morgan looked entirely appalled.

Thirty… It was two o'clock at last, and Robin's heart skipped a beat. She ignored Alexander's questioning looks as well Morgan's angry glares, they both didn't matter right now, for she had no intention to make friends nor enemies today. The seconds ticked by, slower than her heartbeats… she was prepared for anything, anything that wasn't nothing. And just when Morgan moved to unleash his wrath upon her, the door finally flew open with a start.

A spate of billowing black took over the room, followed by a wave of immediate silence and attention, and Robin had to clench her teeth to keep her face neutral instead of grinning like an idiot. What Morgan couldn't do with a hundred words, Snape did with his mere presence. It was a feast for Robin's pride in her allegiance. 

"Severus!" Morgan actually seemed to be just as startled as most of his students, and no less intimidated by the dangerously grave expression on Snape's face. "I… I'm in the middle of a sixth year class. Is whatever brings you here important enough to warrant such a… sudden disturbance?"

"Obviously." 

"What is it I can help you with, then?" Morgan raised his eyebrows in a ridiculous gesture of defiance, which was the last thing Robin saw before he moved to stand with his back to her. That put him right in between her and Snape, as if blocking either from the other, and Robin couldn't tell if he was doing it intentionally or not, and even less to whose benefits his actions might be in that case.

"The headmaster wishes to speak to Miss Mitchell. I ought to see to it that she finds her way to his office… immediately." Snape replied tersely, and every single thing about his demeanor conveyed the gravity of the issue. "And for her not to let  _ fear  _ dictate her actions."

Robin's heart stopped for a second; had she actually done anything wrong? He knew that she wasn't scared of anyone but herself… and he very well knew that Morgan was the last person she wanted to know of her weaknesses. So why that last sentence? Let fear dictate her actions? Then it dawned on her:  _ play along _ , Snape had said this morning. And playing along she did now, blindly trusting him in this act as she put on her best frightened face. A dash of guilt, a layer of despise… the perfect 'bloody hell I got caught' facade. 

Admittedly, she had previously worked very hard on her indifference around Morgan, on the  _ irradiation _ of any visible weakness, but if Snape deemed it important to change that strategy now, she would trust him with it and play along indeed. He was the true master of deceit, after all, and he knew of the recent increase in her troubles with Morgan. Perhaps that's what this all was about, a change of strategy to deal with him. She would have to ask Snape later.

Morgan moved a step to the side then and looked at Robin just in time to get a good glimpse of her best act. His lips immediately curled into a dark grin that was dripping with bitter spite. "Look at that, the little songbird has finally been caught. One can only hope you don't lose your voice when they put you in a cage."

His words sent a cold shiver all the way along Robin's spine, and while she didn't let that get to her for real, it served her to step up her act even more. With huge, frightened eyes she looked up at the two men in front of her, making herself as small and fragile as possible. It contradicted everything she had tried to display before, everything she was and had done until minutes ago, but still it was terribly easy to play the part now. And while Morgan basked in her feigned vulnerability, Snape's grave expression actually gained a subtle touch of hesitation. Not enough to be known, by far not, but enough for Robin to catch.

She averted her eyes then as she grabbed her book off the table painfully slowly, sighing inwardly in relief when she rose to her feet and held her backpack in her hands in front of her. The act was pathetic, but obviously necessary for some reason she was yet to understand. But at least the situation allowed her to withdraw herself from both Alexander and Morgan, as well as from the room overall. The entire class was still dead silent, and when she subtly looked around at some of the faces, all she saw was pity. They might not like her much, but obviously nobody despised her enough at this point to wish her a fate like the one she seemed to be facing. Little did they know that Snape had come as her salvation, not as her doom. But he did play his part magnificently indeed, and when he pushed Robin out of the room by her shoulder without another word to Morgan, she had to remind herself for a moment that she wasn't actually in trouble. Hopefully.

… … … 

The heavy door fell shut behind them and they were alone at last, out of sight with a mere few steps along the hallway. Only then Snape stopped pushing her ahead of himself, dropping his hand from the top of her shoulder to the small of her back as he came to walk next to her instead. The touch left a burning trace along her back even in its subtlety, eradicating every bit of cold Morgan's words had left behind. Robin let out a long but controlled breath as they sauntered down the hallway next to each other; she didn't know what to ask first, so perhaps she should start with the obvious.

"That really was a save in the last second…" She said with a half smile directed at the man next to her. He still looked upset, but his lingering touch on her back was a good indicator that he wasn't upset about her, at least. "I'm not really in trouble, am I? Because you surely are very convincing in your resentment even now."

"You are free of any admonition… It is Morgan who concerns me."

"Why? What's with him?"

"Does he always speak to you in that manner?"

"Not all the time, but it isn't unusual either." Robin shrugged with one shoulder. "He seems to take great delight in my suffering though. Not just academically, but in seeing bad things happening to me in general. Remember the one time I got knocked into a wall during his class? About two weeks ago?"

"You mentioned it, yes."

"He actually smiled the entire time while I was crippled on the floor and hardly able to breathe." 

"And you expect me not to be concerned about that?" He frowned at Robin, steering her into a hallway to the right.

"Well… I told you it's been getting worse since the beginning of the year. So in a way, you could say I'm concerned as well. But more for my nerves than my health; that man is mental torture!"

"Either way, today's… theatre should keep him at a distance for a while." He mused with a small sigh that was both annoyed and hopeful at once. An odd combination. "Say, was any of that real?"

"What do you mean?"

"Were you actually quite so… terrified?"

"No. Uncomfortable and a little annoyed perhaps, but not scared." Robin replied with a growing smirk. "You couldn't tell if it was feigned or not? That has to be a new personal best in my acting skills! If I can make you believe it, I can fool anyone."

"I rather hope you will not test that theory. Especially not on me."

"Don't worry… All you see is sincerely me." She smiled at the accidental rhyme for a second, then her brows furrowed ever so slightly. "Why did I have to play that pathetic, terrified girl though? Why destroy the perfect indifference I have actually managed to make him believe? Why today?"

"Damion Morgan is the kind of person who will torment you until he believes you to be broken and subdued. At this point, your only chance to be left alone is to make him believe that he has won at last."

"But I don't want to surrender to him! I'm not scared of him or whatever he'll do to try to drag me down. I can handle him." Robin protested mildly, even if she understood his reasoning very well. "You were the one who told me to be better than him, so why do you want me to just give up now?"

"I'm not asking you to surrender and give up, but to  _ pretend _ that you do. I know that you could very well drive him to insanity without an actual effort, but I ask you to make him believe that he has the upper hand."

"But why? I can handle him!" Robin asked in almost a whine. She had fought so hard to be better… to let Morgan run into walls no matter from which side he tried to come at her. She had always succeeded as of yet, sometimes with more losses than gain, but she had always stayed on top. And now Snape wanted her to give all that up? "I'm just annoyed by him, that's all. I don't care if he laughs at my pain or makes scary comments about my impediment demise."

"But I do." Snape said so sincerely that a little bit of Robin's resistance melted away immediately. " _ Please _ , Robin… Pretend to surrender."

"Everybody will believe me to be vulnerable if I pretend to be! What if, in addition to Morgan, everyone else starts picking on me again as well?"

"Why do you have to be so ridiculously stubborn?!" He grumbled and rolled his eyes at her, but at the same time his fingers dug into her back just a little bit more. It sent a new heatwave through her body immediately. "You do not have to be vulnerable or submissive in order to let him believe he has the upper hand! Use that brilliant mind of yours, you can find another way to fool him into thinking what we want him to think."

"I don't know…" Robin sighed, and before she knew, he had stopped her in her track and turned her around to face him. Another heatwave.

"Do you want me to beg you?!" He asked while his eyes dug soul deep into hers. "Because I will if that is what it takes. You  _ need _ to convince him that he has the upper hand."

For a moment, Robin's heart stopped beating and time froze to a stillstand. She had never seen him quite so desperate about anything, even if it was still hidden under a layer of composure that was surely exhausting to uphold. Why did he want her to make Morgan believe he had won quite so badly? It didn't matter… not really. 

"Alright." She said in a quiet voice, sad eyes holding his gaze. "I'll lay low. Pretend to surrender. Neutrality has barely worked up to this point; perhaps your approach will prove more successful."

"Thank you!" He rolled his eyes exaggeratedly, then his hand found Robin's back again as they continued on down the hallway, as if nothing had disrupted their walk in the first place.

"Sorry…" Robin breathed with a small spark of guilt nagging at her conscience. She'd really been rather difficult about this, especially when he just wanted to help her. She had even  _ asked _ him to help her with Morgan! And obviously he took that task seriously.

"I would rather you scrutinise me than blindly follow any order." He replied with a sigh. "And as for your question about why  _ today _ , I thought it would be obvious enough, on the surface at least."

"Enlighten me."

"It is your birthday. I was under the impression that you would rather spend it anywhere but in Morgan's classroom." 

"Oh,  _ definitely  _ the right impression!" Robin chuckled, and finally the smile returned to her face with the sound. "I was stuck between Morgan's wrath and Alexander's… I don't even know."

"Alexander Downing?" Snape quirked an eyebrow at her in clear distaste for the subject. She couldn't blame him.

"Unfortunately. He was sitting next to me, as you probably saw, because he wanted to share my textbook. But then he kept on talking to me." Robin rolled her eyes now, still feeling irritated by the boy's odd behavior. "It was awful."

"What did he want? I haven't seen you two… conversing before."

"Because we haven't! And I honestly don't know what his true intentions were; he was nervous the entire time and his words left me no wiser."

"What did he say?"

"Well, first he…" Robin stopped in her sentence for a moment, considering if she really wanted to tell Snape what Alexander had said, in all its irritability. Oh to hell with it, why not? "First he said that – and I'm quoting here – I'm  _ 'hot' _ despite being terrifying and crazy, in his opinion. Then he said people make fun of my hair and my complexion, and finally he asked me if I would fancy to study with him some time. I have absolutely no idea how his mind could even try to put that into a coherent, logical statement."

"Have you considered that he simply might be… interested in you?"

"Interested in  _ mocking _ me, yes. But I rather think he was trying to get me to help him with his homework, you know, by flattering me. Or what he imagines to be flattery anyway."

"Either way, it makes me believe that my entrance was indeed a… save in the last second, as you put it."

"Yes! Absolutely!" Robin laughed, and when she looked up at Snape, she saw a not-smirk playing on his lips as well. Always a reason for her own smile to brighten inevitably. "So… now that you saved me from a horrible class, a madman and a teenage boy, where exactly are we going?"

"Precisely where I said we were going. To see the headmaster." 

Robin's eyes widened in an instant, and her heart skipped a beat in a subtle touch of anxiety. "But… you said I wasn't in trouble!"

"You aren't. I do not lie, just as you don't."

"Then you're confusing me on purpose, already for the second time today!"

"And did the first time end so badly for you?"

"Well-... No." Robin sighed with an exaggerated eye rolling. He was insufferable when he was right.

"In that case, you might want to consider simply trusting me." He replied with a smug expression and a small smirk, and just from the sight of it alone Robin had to smirk as well. Whatever he was up to, it certainly wouldn't end to her disadvantage.

… … … 

Robin was the first to enter Dumbledore's office after knocking and  _ not _ getting a reply. Snape had told her to go in anyway, and he followed shortly behind her himself. While he closed the door, Robin walked ahead, scanning the crowded space for a moment and letting her eyes travel over the obscure objects she had never really had the time to inspect. This place was like a miniature version of the room of hidden things… so much to wonder about, yet so much to frown upon. Eventually her eyes fell onto the sorting hat high up on a shelf, and she stared at it for a moment before turning back to Snape.

"Is the sorting hat just collecting dust up there all year until the beginning of a new term? Or does it have any other purpose than that?" She asked in a quiet tone that just seemed appropriate for the thick silence of the office. Before Snape had any chance to answer her however, a different voice did just that in his turn.

"I am not a useless piece of decoration, Miss Mitchell." The hat grumbled, and Robin jumped around to stare at it again. No matter for how many years she watched the sorting ceremony, she couldn't get used to a talking accessory. "And neither am I an accessory!"

Behind her, Snape let out a humored huff that threatened to make Robin smile as well, hadn't it been for the hat who still gave her the chills.

"You have nothing to be amused about, Severus Snape!" The hat addressed Snape and Robin's eyebrows rose in surprise. Now she did smirk indeed, and it immediately drew the hat's attention back to her. "Neither have you!"

"Well… uh, sorry." Robin said with a small frown directed high up at the hat. "I… we… didn't mean to insult you. But you can't really expect us to know any better if all one sees of you is the sorting ceremony."

"I see you haven't let your house taint your candour in the least." The hat replied in a tone that made Robin frown even more. "The little girl I placed in Slytherin has risen to her grandeur indeed."

"What do you mean by that?" Robin inquired and crossed her arms over her chest while she felt Snape's presence coming closer behind her. She liked that they were on the same side of the conversation for once. And she liked that he was having her back.

"I mean that the girl I placed in Slytherin was by far not a perfect fit for the house of the serpent."

"Then why did you do it?" She asked, trying to keep her voice neutral instead of letting on how the air seemed to vanish out of the room. "Why place me in a house you don't think I belong into?"

"You need to listen more carefully; I said the girl I placed in Slytherin did not belong there. I never said you do not belong there now." The hat replied in an almost scolding manner. "I placed you in your house not because of who you were, but because of who you were going to be. Who you are now."

"That doesn't make any sense. You said that the house hasn't changed me, and yet I didn't belong here before I was who I am now. You have to see how that's contradictory, don't you?" 

"The fact that you do not understand it as of yet does not make it any less sensical. Placing you in Slytherin was the necessary thing to do, and it is more obvious now than ever." The hat stated in such a certainty that Robin didn't know what to reply, so she left the talking to the odd piece of clothing. "A mistake made in the past has been corrected at last."

"But-..." Robin started, however she didn't get further when Snape's hand returned to the small of her back and he leaned in close enough for her to hear his words.

"Arguing with the hat is pointless. It will never reveal to you what it does not want to be known." He spoke quietly, and his breath fanned against the delicate skin of her neck in a way that sent a pleasant shudder through her in an instant. Hopefully the hat didn't read her mind  _ now _ , out of all times _ … _ that would not only cause her trouble, but be terribly embarrassing as well.

"Please excuse my delay, I was kept busy by an urgent owl from the ministry." Dumbledore's voice from further down into the room startled both Robin and Snape for once, and in an instant there was an ineffable amount of space between them again. She surely hadn't imagined the whole thing now, had she? There was no time to dwell on it, for Dumbledore was a man who demanded the full attention of everyone present, and now was no exception to that.

"Headmaster." Snape greeted politely, with a hinted nod in acknowledgement. "Thank you for agreeing to hear me about my inquiry."

"Now, Severus, that certainly is nothing to thank me for." Dumbledore smiled that stupid small smile again, and Robin couldn't help deeming him just as deliberately inconcise as the hat had been. The thought lingered only until he turned his head to look at her however. "Miss Mitchell, what a delightful surprise to see you. Given the chance, I would like to wish you a truly happy birthday."

"Thank you." Robin replied with a half smile. "I appreciate that."

"What a lovely flower you have there… A gift, I presume?" The old man raised his eyebrows at her almost knowingly.

"Not a gift." Robin replied quickly as she dropped her arms to her sides to at least somehow demonstrate a subtle touch of confidence. "Merely a point proven."

"I see." Dumbledore's smile widened for a moment, then he went back to his constantly mild facade. "It suits you rather well, if I may say so."

"Certainly you may. Thank you."

"Headmaster, I would like to ask for your permission on an issue of importance to me." Snape finally said, changing the topic as he most definitely picked up on Robin's discomfort even if he stood a good four steps away now. Gods, she was glad for that talent of his.

"What issue?" Dumbledore turned to look at him, releasing Robin from his focus and she honestly felt grateful for that as well.

"I would like to take Miss Mitchell on an…  _ excursion _ this Saturday." Snape said ever neutrally, and Robin's heart skipped a beat. He wanted  _ what?! _ "She has made remarkable progress in her studies of uncommon substances, and I would like to give her the opportunity to test one of her theories at least. Under my supervision, of course."

Robin merely blinked at Snape at first, stunned to silence, then she looked over to Dumbledore with no less surprise and back to Snape at last. He actually wanted to do this?  _ Together _ with her?! Sure, she was aware that he had liked her handbook, he'd told her that much without words even, but she hadn't known that he deemed her studies worth this effort and trouble. 

"Is that so?" Dumbledore smiled at Snape first, then at Robin. "How many theories do you have?"

"How much  _ time _ do you have?" Robin returned in a huff without thinking, and out of the corner of her eyes she saw the not-smirk on Snape's face. When she looked at him in a silent question, asking ' _ should I?'  _ with her gaze alone _ , _ he replied an unmistakable ' _ yes. _ ' the same way, and Robin's lips tugged into the slightest smile upon their ability to understand each other even without words.  _ Especially _ without words. Then she summoned her handbook out of her backpack, and walked the few steps to Dumbledore's desk to place it in front of him. 

The headmaster looked partially amused, partially surprised when he pushed his reading glasses up his nose and started scanning over the many pages filled with Robin's writing, drawings and cutouts. For a few minutes he flipped through the book carefully, much to her appreciation, until finally he returned the journal with a sincere smile and a small nod. 

"Impressive. A thorough and professional study indeed." Dumbledore mused while Robin moved back to stand next to Snape, a good step closer than before, but she could always blame it on coincidence. "I could not say that I know even half of these matters half as well as you obviously do."

"Thank you." She finally replied, giving the headmaster a nod in acknowledgement before she moved to store her journal back in her backpack. "I have been working on this for a while now, but I haven't been able to verify any of it yet."

"Which, precisely, is why I want to encourage the effort to do so." Snape added not even a second later, and they both looked at Dumbledore expectantly, who however only smiled at them for a moment in return.

"Did you two plan this inquiry ahead of time?" He asked with a sincerely humored expression, observing both Snape and Robin with a carefully considering gaze.

"No." Both of them replied at the same time, upon which their heads turned to look at each other in an instant and synchrony. Robin bit her lip to keep from smiling, which only worked partially however when she saw Snape's surprised face.

"Either way," Dumbledore said with another sincere smile, "I believe your wish to encourage Miss Mitchell in her studies to be justified, Severus. I very much approve of your inquiry, and I would like to encourage it even. Take all of Saturday, both of you. Perhaps you could bring back one or another specimen for the greenhouse, if your excursion should prove any of your theories correct."

"Thank you, headmaster." Snape was first to reply, back to stoicism as ever.

"Yes, thank you!" Robin also added, even if it hadn't been her inquiry in the first place. But it was  _ about  _ her, after all. "I'm sure we can find something new for the greenhouse."

"I have no doubt you will." Dumbledore returned with a nod, and leaned back in his chair at last. "Good luck to you, but do be careful. Straying off the common path proves a risk at times, even for the most… accomplished witches and wizards."

Both nodded, and after saying their polite goodbyes, first Robin and then Snape left the headmaster's stuffy office to skip down the narrow spiral staircase until at last they were back in the hallways.

"So…" Robin started with a small smirk as they were once again sauntering through the empty space. "You couldn't have told me of that plan beforehand?"

"Would it have changed anything?" He quirked an eyebrow at her. "Besides taking away from your suspense and my amusement?"

"No… not really." She chuckled in return. "May I consider this as a gift then, at least?"

"Yes."

"In that case, thank you very much. I already can't wait for Saturday."

"As… reluctant as I am to admit it, I am rather looking forward to it as well." He sighed, but it couldn't lessen the fact that his subtle smile was obvious as day to Robin. Her heart soared at the sight. It didn't even matter that he was probably looking forward to some practical research rather than to spending time with her, but either was perfectly fine in this case.

"And now?" She finally asked, leaning her head to the side as she looked up at him. "There's still twenty minutes of class time left, officially."

"In that case, we perhaps should see to it that we get out of the castle before the students flood the halls." He mused as he returned her gaze with a humored expression. "Care for a walk?"

"Obviously." She grinned as she finally swung her backpack over her shoulders where it belonged. "I take it then that you're not returning me to Morgan's purgatory? I'm surprised.  _ Professor.. _ ."

"As if I would even consider that in the first place… I am the only one who may torment you." He rolled his eyes at her exaggeratedly, but with a not-smirk nonetheless. "Happy birthday, Robin."


	40. Of Dusk and Dawn - Part 6

"Why again do you have to get up this early on a bloody Saturday?" Jorien groaned quietly from her spot hidden under the covers in her bed, while Cas was still sleeping soundly as ever in her own. It wasn't even dawning yet, still hours until breakfast, but Robin had been up for a while already and was just now returning from getting ready in the bathroom.

"I told you, I'm going on a field trip for my research." Robin whispered back, while she got dressed in some slim fitting black jeans that were comfortable enough to move in and sturdy enough to suit the occasion. "We need to get going before the sun is up."

"You're crazy." Jorien groaned again and dug her head into her pillow, face down. "Hwow gih juh gweh hwiwh gu gwu gwif whih juh?"

"What?" Robin hissed back with a questioning frown, while she layered her favorite jumper over a long sleeved shirt and then went to put her hair up into a ponytail that ended up more messy than neat.

Jorien turned her head back to the side with a sigh. "How did you get him to do this with you?" She repeated her question tiredly, but with a spark of sincere curiosity nonetheless. "Snape, I mean."

"I didn't  _ get _ him to do anything." Robin shrugged in return and sat down on her bed to lace up her boots. "I did a lot of research over the summer and I showed it to him last week. He made me show it to Dumbledore and that settled the issue."

"So it's just you and him today, huh?"

"Yeah."

"I would say poor you, but I get the impression that you are rather happy about it."

"I am. He is the only one who understands what we're dealing with; it would be a true nuisance to have to explain it all to someone else." Robin replied easily as she finally went to put on her rain jacket instead of her robes for once. The highlands were no place for a cloud of fabric that would soak through in under a minute. Then she hid her wand up her sleeve as always, and finally grabbed her backpack from the end of her bed. All set to go. "Wish me luck!"

"What do you need luck for?" Jorien yawned and hugged her pillow under her head. "I thought you guys know what you're doing."

"Obviously we know that we're going." Robin rolled her eyes with a smile. "But we're doing this entire thing to prove a  _ theory _ , which means that there is a chance that I was wrong and we won't find what we're looking for."

"Alright… good luck then." The girl yawned again, and closed her eyes with a sigh. "Am glad that Snape is there to bring you back in one piece. McGonagall says you're a magnet for trouble and the obscure."

"Does she now?" Robin's lips quirked into a smirk, but she could tell that Jorien was already falling back asleep. She didn't want to seize any more of her sleep though, and thus she finally made for the door, leaving a few minutes earlier than planned. Oh well... One didn't leave adventure waiting.

… … … 

Robin met Snape at the bottom of the spiral staircase that led out of the dungeons. He was wearing different robes than usual, warmer ones, and Robin found herself glad that she wasn't the only one who had planned for a long day out in the cold. They greeted each other with a silent gaze that said enough, then made their way through the empty hallways and out into the courtyard. 

The very second Robin stepped out into the open, she realized that it had been a good idea to wear her jacket and not the robes. It wasn't raining yet, but the air smelled of water, soil and electricity in a way that went beyond the morning dew, and the grey sky waiting for the break of dawn was an envoy no less of the impending storm. She breathed in deeply, and had to smile. This was the best birthday present ever.

They had to leave the school grounds in order to apparate to their first destination of the day, and thus they didn't waste any time to make their way down the path to wander beyond the gates. Still, neither spoke a word, and neither did they have to. The serenity of the morning was too calm, too peaceful to disturb with any words spoken in redundancy. They would have all day to chat if they fancied to; why waste words when the silence was enough for now? 

It had all been discussed in advance anyway; both Thursday and Friday night, they had sat over Robin's documentations and discussed their options for which plant they should try to find, and thus which theory to prove. They obviously had been limited to the British isles for reasons of time and distance, and also to the acquisition of a plant on Dumbledore's wish. That, and some ambition on Robin's part, had led to their current target and thus their plan of action: they would try to find wraiths' moss today. And ambitious that was indeed, but Robin felt like she had something to prove; to Snape, to Dumbledore and mostly to herself.

It didn't take them long to get away from the castle, to a place beyond the gates where they finally stopped in their track. There was no need to haste, they still had enough time before sunrise. But as they had discovered on multiple occasions, they both preferred being too early over being too late in situations that actually mattered. 

This time when Snape held his hand out to Robin, she didn't hesitate to take it. She might be old enough to legally apparate by herself now, but she still had to wait until after the Christmas break to take the twelve week class to get her license to do so, to officially _learn_ to do so. Until then, she would gladly enjoy the privilege of holding his hand for the fleeting moment of traveling. However, even now, she had to painfully remind herself to refrain from lacing their fingers together, a gesture way too intimate to be anywhere near appropriate, and yet one that most of her being was trying to urge her into anyway. But she did hold on tightly, _for safety_ _reasons_ , and was barely able to catch the not-smirk on his lips before the world was torn into a swirling storm of colors and strange sensations.

When Robin's eyes went into focus again, she found herself overlooking the vast sea, and to her great luck a whipping wind blew away most of her nausea after a few seconds of struggling to stay standing upright. She let out a groan as she closed her eyes for a moment, willing away the churning of her stomach while she focused on taking deep breaths. Then she looked back ahead. 

They were standing high up on the edge of a cliff, over three hundred meters above the furious black waters that were relentlessly crashing against the solid rock below. The vastly desolate grassland behind their backs was but an illusion of peace in contrast to the ragged and riven stone wall that dropped in a straight vertical a mere two steps ahead. The Scottish east coast; their first destination.

As soon as the dizziness was gone to the point where she didn't feel like she would break down any second, Robin let go of Snape's hand with a silent sigh. The few seconds of having his skin touching hers had once again sufficed to leave her entire self consumed by ridiculous rushes of energy and tingles, but she pushed it to the back of her mind for now in order to do her work. That's what they were here for, after all, to gather the petals of a Haramith flower. 

Haramith itself was a plant rather useless for potion making, and thus generally not something anyone would have in stock, but it was essential for Robin's theory on how to find the wraiths' moss. Getting the petals was only step one of many on the road Robin had built in theory to acquire one of the rarest mosses in this part of the world, and now with every step they followed through with successfully, they paved a bit more of that theoretical road into reality.

The good thing about Haramith was that it grew in many places, wildy sprawling on even the poorest soil, and thus it generally wasn't too hard to find. The bad thing however, and the very reason why Snape and Robin had come to a desolate cliff on the eastern shore of the country before sunrise, was that Haramith only blossomed for one single minute of the day. It grew its petals when the sun rose over the horizon, no matter if a single ray of sunshine even graced the earth that day or not, only to lose the petals again after exactly one minute. And when the petals died, they faded into dust within seconds. Which, precisely, was what made it nigh impossible to gather them if one didn't come prepared, which in this case meant knowing exactly when the sun would peek over the horizon. And where better to be precise about that than on the shore?

Robin moved along the very edge of the cliff, looking down the stone wall in search for any specimen of the desired plant she would be able to reach when the sun would rise in approximately two minutes. Due to their sun oriented nature, Haramith flowers were prone to grow on walls like this that were open to the east; at least that's what Robin had read. Indeed, it didn't take her long to find a small patch of green between the ragged stone, but it was further down the wall than she was able to reach. However luck was on her side for once.

"There's a ledge a bit further down the wall." Robin said, looking back over her shoulder at Snape while she took off her backpack and set it down at a good distance to the edge. "We don't have much time left, and there's plenty of Haramith down there. I'm going."

For a moment Snape looked like he wanted to protest, a deep frown settling on his face, but then he moved to stand next to Robin instead of voicing a complaint and glanced down the wall for a second before his eyes were back on her. "Be careful, yes?"

Robin nodded with a small smile, then sat down with her legs dangling over the edge and finally pushed herself over entirely. It really wasn't a far drop, she landed on her feet without any effort and crouched down immediately to keep her weight close to the wall and her body's centre of gravity as low as possible. She wasn't an expert in rock climbing, but she had read about it at some point and she usually remembered what she had read. That really came in handy at times.

Just in the moment she reached out to touch the Haramith, the small flowers beneath her fingertips started to stir. Her eyes widened immediately, and she couldn't help the small smile that fell onto her lips when tiny beads of bright ultramarine started to blossom out of the greyish green stems. It was a beautiful sight, watching them grow and gain in size while never losing their delicacy. After but a moment they were at their final but oh so fleeting state, and Robin almost felt sad to pluck out the petals. But they would grow new ones tomorrow morning, and every day after that as well, so it was more gain to her than loss to them. 

Carefully, she placed the fragile objects in a vial she pulled out of her pocket, gathering quite as many petals as she could before all too soon, the remaining ones turned into dust right beneath her fingertips. The ones she had collected however remained perfectly intact, their bright ultramarine piercing her eyes in contrast to her ashen skin as she closed the vial at last and put it back into her pocket. Good… now she just needed to get back up the cliff somehow.

An idea entered her mind, a stupid idea, and she pulled her wand out of her sleeve before she could think better of it, pointed it upwards and closed her eyes for a second in a silent prayer to whoever was listening. Then a wordless  _ ascendio  _ sent her upwards, lifting her over the edge of the cliff and unfortunately even higher, which made the landing quite unpleasant, as she came crashing down onto the grass with a dull thud.

"Bloody hell, I've always hated that charm…" She grumbled to herself, sitting up on the ground with a quiet groan as she rubbed her hurting limbs.

"You could have asked me to help you, you know…" Snape quirked an eyebrow at her, mildly amused by the sight in front of him.

"And you would have done so without mocking me for the next few hours? Doubt it." Robin replied with a small snort, and still let him help her up to her feet the next moment. "I've got the petals, plenty of them even."

"Good." He mused with a not-smirk, observing how Robin dusted off her jeans. "Shall we proceed to the next destination then?"

"Yeah, just… give me a second to breathe between jumping down a cliffside, flying through the air and crashing down on the ground, before apparating again." She sighed, then went to pick up her backpack to throw it back over her shoulders. "Next time, you can do all that and I'll stand up here and watch."

"Professor's privilege. I get to let others do the…  _ unpleasant _ work." He shrugged with a real smirk now. "However it isn't nearly as entertaining to watch the dunderheads as it is to observe you."

"I don't know if I should feel offended or flattered by that." Robin laughed and shook her head to herself, biting her bottom lip as she had to grin at her own thought. "It certainly is more flattering than what Alexander said to me on Thursday."

"You are aware that I could push you off this cliff in an instant for comparing me to that imbecile, yes?"

"And you're aware that you would be terribly bored without me." Robin quirked an eyebrow at him with a smirk. "Besides, there are four people at least who would most likely come at you if you pushed me off that cliff."

"They obviously do not know you half as well as I do if they would seriously hold it against me." He replied in an instant, and Robin's jaw dropped, a second before she had to laugh. Alright, perhaps he had won that round… which only meant she had to switch the game.

"Fine, do it then." She shrugged with a daring expression, showing but exaggerated casualness as she made calculated steps backwards, blindly nearing the drop with every word while her eyes stayed on his. "I'll even make it easier for you, if you want to get rid of me quite so desperately that-..."

His hand was around her wrist in an instant, pulling her away from the edge while he shot her a glare that was both warning and a plea to stop. They both knew that they had walked the line between tease and seriousness too far; it was time to stop, time to return from the place they had gotten themselves into.

"Sorry." Robin was the first to speak, in a whisper only, as she stood a mere step in front of him now. She gave him a sad half smile, but didn't miss the fact that he was still holding onto her wrist as if he was actually afraid she would jump over the edge if he let go. "Sometimes I just…"

"I know." He replied almost calmly, without a trace of actual anger. "But you are right. I would indeed be terribly bored without you."

Robin's smile lost its sadness in an instant, but her heart gained a fullness and warmth instead that made it beat so strongly, she was sure he must've heard it. Still, she would spare him any teases in return for once; if he was being sincere, she would be too. "Good. I would've hated to be the only one who would miss this." 

For once he did smile too, a little at least, and he still held onto her wrist, consciously or not. "Are you ready to proceed to the next destination now?"

Robin nodded, upon which he moved his hand from her wrist down to hold hers again, making her heart flutter even more at the deliberately slow touch. But instead of focusing on it, she closed her eyes and prepared for the oddness of apparating, with a frown on her face in anticipation of the discomfort that would soon follow.

"I very likely should  _ not  _ be telling you this before you pass the according class..." He sighed, and Robin quirked an eyebrow but kept her eyes closed nonetheless. "But there are a few things you can do to make the process of apparating less… unpleasant."

"Enlighten me."

"Release the tension in your body, and try to keep it at that state. Clear your mind but for the place you wish to go." He ordered, and Robin tried to focus on relaxing every muscle but the ones in her hand that were needed to hold onto his. "Breathe in deeply, then out again and hold your breath. Keep your eyes closed."

She did as she was told, and an instant later she felt the strange pulling and pushing sensation around her again, the swirling in her mind however was a lot milder already, and the cramping of her stomach barely even there. Before she knew, her feet were on solid ground again, and while her head was very mildly spinning, she didn't feel sick at all when she opened her eyes. Her lips curled into a wide smile.

"I  _ actually _ didn't experience the discomfort! That's incredible!" Robin beamed up at Snape, who in return rolled his eyes with a not-smirk. 

"Bold of you to doubt me." He replied, and this time it was him who let go of Robin's hand first. Not in a haste, but rather because it was the right thing to do. "However I still do hope that this was the second to last time we apparate today."

"Since it doesn't make me feel sick anymore, I actually don't mind it quite as much." She grinned back at him, and only then at last she took the time to look around. 

They were standing in the open space of a valley in the middle of the highlands, precisely where they had planned to go. Hills, mountains, stone and green, topped off only by the low hanging grey clouds that came down almost as a shallow mist. Perfect. If it hadn't been for their mission, Robin could've stayed here for hours to drink in the overwhelming beauty of nature. But they had work to do.

"Since you were so  _ keen _ on helping me earlier, why don't you work the tracing spell now?" Robin quirked an eyebrow at Snape, of course with the ever teasing smirk still playing on her lips, while she took a step away from him to take off her backpack. 

"You are insufferable." He rolled his eyes in return, but still took the handbook out of Robin's hand when she held it out to him. "But if you cannot do even this simplest of spells by yourself…"

"You bloody well know I can." She replied with an easy smile; she also knew for a fact that he was just trying to mess with her. But he wouldn't succeed this time. 

Without letting his teasing distract her in the slightest, Robin summoned a larger jar which they had prepared in advance last night out of her backpack. Four out of five ingredients for the tracing spell were already inside, perfectly measured of course, and when Robin crouched down to place the whole thing on the ground, she pulled the Haramith petals out of her pocket to add the fifth at last. 

"Do you think I can add all of them?" She asked on a whim though, with an inquiring look up at Snape. "I mean… Do you think the measurement of the Haramith even has any impact on the results in this case? I  _ did  _ calculate a specific amount, but measuring it would be such a hassle out here. And now that I think about it, I see no reason why a precise measurement would be necessary in this case. What do you think?"

"It is  _ your _ tracing spell and  _ your _ preparation; why are you asking  _ me _ ?" 

"Well sorry, but last time I checked  _ you _ were the potions master." Robin rolled her eyes at him, even if the gesture felt a little silly while kneeling on the ground and looking up at him like that. "Besides, I wasn't asking because you would know any better than me, but because I care about your opinion. But I could also stay sitting on the cold ground to measure the damn thing, if you'd prefer that."

"I believe you could add the entire Haramith without any negative impact."

" _Thank you!_ Was that really so hard?" Robin replied with a smile, before she carefully shook out the petals from the vial into the larger jar. Measuring the flimsy little things would have taken ages indeed, and the knees of her jeans were sodden already. 

Without wasting time, she then went ahead to shred all ingredients into tiny pieces until they were a mere blended dust of the same piercing ultramarine as the Haramith itself. So far so good. Before she handed the jar with the mixture to Snape however, she filled a small amount of the dust into the now empty vial, closing it up tightly before she sorted it into a shelf inside her backpack. When she rose to her feet again, Snape shot her a questioning look while she handed him the jar at last.

"I just thought in case this actually works, or even in case it doesn't, it would be nice to have a reference for the next time either way." She shrugged, holding onto the straps of her backpack that she'd placed back over her shoulders. "There's always something to improve on, you know…"

He quirked an eyebrow at her with a not-smirk, holding her gaze for a moment before he finally placed the jar on a rock next to him, then flipped her book open at the marked page that described the tracing spell. It was an uncommon charm, woven together quite messily at the first glance, but it was the best one Robin had found. Snape made quick work of it, speaking the foreign words so easily as if for the millionth time, and Robin couldn't help being mesmerized by the bright blue dust that rose up into the air in a faint line upon the sound of his voice. It was working… bloody hell, it was  _ actually _ working!

Robin followed the line in the sky with her eyes up to the point where it faded in the distance, then she looked back to Snape with an excited smile. "Ready for a little walk?"

"I am right behind you."

… … … 

Walking they did then, following the blue line that faded behind them only to grow longer in front of them in return. Wherever it was leading, their destination was further away than anticipated. After three hours of scrambling through the sheer endless grass and rock, it finally started to rain as if the skies had turned into a waterfall, and they decided to take a break under a small ledge. It wasn't much, but the driest space they had been able to find before hell broke loose. To Robin's great luck, the tracing spell seemed to be entirely unbothered by the train, as the powdery line still remained hanging in the air as clear and smoky as ever. But what use would its persistence be if water in their eyes made it impossible to follow? Even more impossible without getting hurt out there. Thus a break it was, to wait for the worst to pass. It shouldn't take more than a few minutes… the weather in Scotland never stayed the same for long. 

The long walk had taken a toll on both of them already, as neither was used to this kind of exercise, but Robin was too determined to see this through, too stubborn to admit that she was exhausted, and she assumed Snape simply was too proud to. It didn't matter either way, she was only glad to be sitting on the insulated blanket that she'd placed on the ground now, and Snape seemed to be equally appreciating of it as he sat next to her with a more or less content expression. Robin still couldn't quite believe that he was actually putting up with all this for her theory. Perhaps even for her as a person. And he seemed to be enjoying himself even! 

Sighing quietly in contentment, Robin leaned back against the cold stones behind her and watched the rain. Yes, she was enjoying this. More than she could put into any words. 

"I would like to think that the sound of the rain is the universe applauding us." She said instead, with a small smile at the wall of water before she looked over at Snape next to her. "Rain is so full of life, I don't know why people won't appreciate it more."

"Most people see the world differently than you do." 

"What about you? Do you see it differently?"

"I used to believe it to be a terribly unfair place. Cold and cruel and indifferent to those who live in it."

Robin's heart squeezed together in a stab of sadness. She hadn't meant to upset him… but the longer she observed his expression, the more she got the impression that he was still calm and content as before. Curious. "You  _ used to _ believe that? And… what do you believe now?"

"I don't know. The world will always be indifferent to us, but I am not so certain I still stand behind the rest of it."

"Well, it certainly is cold  _ now…  _ With the rain and wind and all that." Robin mused with a small smile, giving him a look that hopefully conveyed lighthearted humor better than her words did. Indeed, a hint of a smile graced his lips in return, and she decided to go on. "But when I think of the laboratory, for example… a crackling red in the fireplace, mixing with the faint bubbling of whatever potion we're making that day and the sound of your voice when you're annoyed with me, but also a silence made of softest velvet. It smells like coffee and books and fire and stone and all the subtle nuances in the potions' fumes. We sit at the table and wait and read and drink coffee and talk, until the next step has to be taken. When I think of that… the world, to me, is nothing but warmth."

A moment of silence followed upon her words, a thoughtful and contemplating silence, which was only broken when the rain lessened and Snape replied at last. "Perhaps you are what renders it warm."

_ It? _ The lab? The world? Her own perception? "Perhaps." She replied. Perhaps, his world as well. She shook the thought out of her head as soon as it appeared. Wrong direction to go into, and the wrong time to do so as well. They were here to work. Not to dwell on impossibilities.


	41. Of Dusk and Dawn - Part 7

Another five minutes later the rain stopped altogether, and they finally continued their journey along the blue line. Eventually they also started talking again, falling into the usual easy teasing that always left them both trying their hardest not to smirk all too much. But it  _ did  _ definitely make the walking a lot more enjoyable. Two hours passed like that, and seeing as the tracing spell still guided them on relentlessly, they decided to take another break. Honestly, Robin couldn't remember when she had last walked for such a long time, and even if her feet didn't hurt too much, her back was starting to ache from the weight of her backpack. It wasn't made for hiking, and neither was she obviously.

"Is there any spell to make something lighter? Or at least  _ feel  _ less heavy?" She asked with a small groan while she rolled her shoulders to somehow loosen up the aches. It didn't do much to help.

"Not that I am aware of." He replied in a mildly concerned tone, while watching her pace up and down in front of him with a frown. "Why do you ask?"

"Nevermind." She sighed in return, and finally gave up in her attempts to reduce the soreness in her body. "Isn't anything of importance."

"If it causes you pain, it most definitely is."

"It's not  _ pain _ , really. Just… my shoulders." She shrugged, then winced at the idiocracy of that move when the pain crawled through her back. "My bag's not made for hours of walking. That, or I'm just weak."

"I would assume a bit of both in this case."

"Funny." Robin rolled her eyes at him, but she also couldn't help the small smile. "Do you want me to challenge you to do better?"

"It would be an idea."

"Fine… I doubt that after two hours with my bag, you're still thinking it's my  _ weakness _ causing me pain."

"We shall have to see about that."

When they finally decided to go on, Robin let him carry the bag, and she walked next to him with a smug smile on her face, upon which he merely rolled his eyes. Of course he wouldn't have admitted in a million years that he was only doing this to spare her the pain, but they both knew it perfectly well nonetheless, and that sufficed to keep the smile on Robin's face for a long time. 

Two more hours down the road however, or rather the non-existent road in this case, and Robin didn't feel like smiling anymore at all. They were taking another break, a very much needed one after this torture of walking up and down hills. It was three o'clock in the afternoon by now, but they  _ still  _ had gotten nowhere near the end of the stupid line. Stupid tracing spell. The sight of the blue dust didn't fill Robin with excitement anymore, but with the urgent wish to cry. She was exhausted and hurting and honestly starting to doubt if the stupid spell was even working as it should. Finding the wraiths' moss shouldn't have taken this long, by far not. Perhaps they were being led nowhere. Perhaps this was all just one big, stupid mistake.

Robin didn't even look up from where she was ripping grass out of the ground in frustration when Snape sat down next to her. Honestly, she wanted to be excited about the closeness between them now, which would very well have been evitable if he'd wanted to stay away, but all she could find within herself was tiredness and despair. Thus she merely kept on sulking and occasionally blinking away angry tears.

"Did you have anything for breakfast before we left the castle this morning?" He asked after a while, and Robin frowned immediately as she turned to look at him at last.

"What kind of stupid question is that? No, I did not. There were more important things on my mind than food _. _ "

"Then perhaps you should consider having one of the snacks you tend to carry around now."

"I'm not hungry." She mumbled and looked back down to the ground, but he ignored her and placed her backpack right in her field of vision.

"You will feel better nonetheless."

"How I'm  _ feeling  _ is not the problem!" She groaned and rolled her eyes to herself. "The problem is that this stupid spell obviously isn't working! We have been walking for hours and where has it gotten us? For all we know, not the least bit closer to  _ anywhere _ !" 

"So you are giving up?"

"No! I don't know…" Robin's tone deflated in an instant, and her eyes started watering again. Damnit. "Look, I don't want to give up! I  _ never  _ give up, it's not something I do, but… everything just feels so terribly far away from me right now."

"It certainly would be ironic if you gave up on an obviously functioning spell after a mere few hours." He said in a calm certainty that made Robin frown again.

"Why would it be ironic? You can see that it's _obviously_ not going anywhere!" She argued back, looking up to study his face for any hints of where he was going with this.

Instead of letting her drag him into an argument however, he returned her gaze in an almost soothing calm. "It has been years and you still haven't given up on _me_ for a single day, even if the prospects of any result were far worse than they are now. A line of floating blue dust certainly is more than I have ever given you to warrant that faith." 

Robin's heart skipped a beat, and her mind became a tangled mess of things she wanted to say and things she definitely should not say. A chaos of emotions, and a chaos of impulses. But the sincerity in his words finally became a beacon for her mind to line up for sorting.

"My refusal to give up on you has really gotten us quite far, huh?" She mused after a moment, managing a half smile even. "One could even say it's a good thing I'm too stubborn to give up."

"One could indeed."

"So… if I follow that tracing line to the other side of the country because I refuse to give up on my theory…"

"I will still be right behind you." He added in, remaining in absolute sincerity, and Robin's eyes would've almost welled up again for entirely different reasons, had he not saved her from that fate by speaking on. "However, only if you eat something now."

A sound between a sob, a laugh and a snort escaped her before she could help it, and while she blinked away the totally unnecessary moisture in her eyes, she also had to bite her lip to tone down her smile. Really, for someone so desperately serious most of the time, he was getting exceptionally good at cheering her up. With a dutiful nod, she finally dug through her backpack until she stumbled upon an apple she had snatched from dinner last night, and a packet of Twirls that had only been mildly smashed by her books. As was so often the case, her appetite came while she ate, and the apple was gone in a blink. The Twirls however she insisted on sharing, and after evading the minor protest she could convince Snape to take the second bar. Upon that it didn't take long for the sugar to find its way into her blood and the smile its way into her mind, and mere minutes later the sulk was all but forgotten. 

When they went on to follow the blue line with renewed confidence on Robin's part, she was the one to carry the backpack again. Snape had of course had to admit that it was the bag rather than Robin's shoulders that was the root of the problem, and perhaps that is why he had been reluctant to let her carry it again. But seeing as it was her bag, her expedition and thus her lead, he had very little choice but to let her proceed. After all, her shoulders had rested quite enough to hurt only very little now, but she still hoped that their hike would come to an end soon.

They got exactly ten minutes of mostly easy walking before a distant thunder announced the inevitable. The sky darkened immediately, a ceiling of the deepest grey looming over their heads, and half a minute later it started pouring again as if there was no tomorrow. This time however there was no shelter, no time to take  _ another  _ break either, and thus they continued on despite the rain. Robin luckily had her rain jacket to keep at least her torso dry, but she had to wear her hair down in order to fit the hood over her head enough to keep the water out of her eyes, which in return meant that the part of her hair that hung over her shoulders and down over her chest was drenched within seconds. So were her jeans, which now stuck to her thighs quite uncomfortably, clinging onto her skin like wet fabric always did. Snape for his part had the umbrella spell to protect himself from the rain, but even that didn't keep him dry for all too long. 

Thirty minutes into the downpour, and Robin thought she might as well be walking through an ocean. At least the line was still there, even if it was slowly getting too dark around them to see it without squinting. 

"Do you think it is the rain or the sunset that causes the darkness?" Snape asked eventually, while they tried to move up the steep hill the blue line sent them over instead of leading them around it for once. The higher they ventured, the more the grassland became ridden with rocks and ragged stone, and with the constant rain and growing darkness, it soon became a nightmare to move on. Robin did so anyway, walking a good few steps ahead in stubborn determination to follow this bloody line to the end now.

"Currently? The rain." She looked back over her shoulder at Snape, who had mostly given up on his umbrella and was scowling up at the sky now instead, as if that would do anything but get water into his eyes. "It should be around four o'clock right now, which gives us another hour until sunset. Approximately. I actually looked that up, you know, because-..."

Robin was cut off in her sentence when her foot slipped on a wet rock and she lost her balance before she could find something to hold onto. With a helpless yelp, she came crashing down onto the sodden ground, hitting her entire right side on the very stones she had slipped on. For a broken second, she didn't feel anything but the shock. Then however the impact got through to her, and the burning and stabbing in her side seethed through her entire body. 

" _ Fuck… _ " She hissed through clenched teeth, but tried to scramble back to her feet anyway even before the wave of pain decreased. Adrenaline did funny things to both body and mind sometimes.

"For God's sake, Robin, can you please refrain from getting hurt for once at least?!" His voice was ineffably close to her suddenly, exasperated and yet undeniably laced with deep concern, and she almost would've slipped a second time once she stood on wobbly legs again. "Are you alright?"

A few seconds passed in silence, and Robin inspected her aching side first of all before allowing herself to give an answer. Other than a little mud and water, there wasn't even a single hole or tear in her jacket nor in her jeans. Always a good sign. 

"I'm fine, it's nothing." She said quickly, taking a few steps and swinging her arms a little just to make sure that statement was true. "I'm fine."

"The last time you said that, you broke down two seconds later and I had to catch you." He quirked an eyebrow at her in doubt, which however looked funny enough as drenched as he was, and Robin had to smile at both the sight and the thought that she probably didn't look any better. Even worse, likely, with the mud clinging to her now.

"I promise that I actually believe I'm fine this time." She replied, while the smile still stayed on her lips. The pain was fading already, and as long as she didn't get a punch to the side now, she'd be good. "I just slipped. It  _ really  _ is nothing."

He kept frowning at Robin in mild doubt even upon her words of reassurance, but they continued their way up the hill anyway, side by side from now on. Her ribs and hip kept stinging for a few minutes, but after a while even that decreased and soon enough the only reminder of her fall was the mud lingering on her clothes.

When they reached the peak of the bloody hill at last, Robin's eyes lit up immediately and her heart skipped a beat in excitement at the sight that was finally revealed in front of them. A large building of wrought ancient stones, the ruins of a long abandoned castle, nestled into the slopes of the very hill they stood upon. It wasn't quite as large as Hogwarts, but large enough to be considered a castle nonetheless. A million questions ran through Robin's mind in an instant. Who had lived here? How long has it been abandoned? Why has it been abandoned? _Was_ it even as abandoned as it looked?

The most important thing however was that the tracing line led straight to the castle, ending in a smoky blue cloud right above the ruins. That was all Robin could see in the dark, but it was by far enough to delight her. The tracing spell had actually worked after all! With an excited smile she turned to look at Snape, blinking away the rain that finally had started running into her eyes as well, and he returned her gaze for a moment until her continued grinning made him roll his eyes with a hint of a smile of his own. They didn't need words in order to understand what the other thought; and they still didn't say a thing as they made their way down the hill, slipping and stumbling more than walking at this point. 

The good thing was that their downhill track went a lot faster than the slow way up, and mere minutes later they passed through the woven front gate of the castle grounds. The very moment they stepped into the entrance hall however, the tracing line above their heads quivered and balled together into a thick cloud of blue dust, stilling for just a moment, before at last it spread into all directions with a start, vanishing between the gaps and cracks in between the stones. Robin observed the ongoings with a smile. While she hadn't quite expected the tracing spell to work just this way, it certainly made a lot of sense that it would.

The thing about wraiths' moss was, as the name already suggested, that it wasn't exactly from this world, neither dead nor alive. To be exact, it was  _ almost  _ entirely invisible to the human eye, not graspable with the mere hand, which is precisely why it was so incredibly rare and so very difficult to find. And that in return was the very reason why Robin had decided to prove her theory about it today. 

The way the tracing spell was supposed to work (in her theory at least) was quite simple really: the dust in its specific mixture should be attracted by a substance in the wraiths' moss, which then results in the dust gathering on top of the invisible plant. Afterwards it should be beyond easy to make it both visible and touchable with a simple charm. So far Robin's theory, and as of yet, everything was going according to plan. Brilliant!

"Don't you just love it when things go my way?" Robin grinned as she pushed the hood off her head, then let the water melt from her clothes and hair with a wordless spell. Thank God they were out of the rain at last.

"For your notice, all I just heard was an invitation to mess with you. However, I will kindly refrain from doing so for once." He replied in subtle amusement, and when Robin turned to look at him with an exaggerated eye rolling, he actually let out a quiet snort in return.

" _ Anyway _ … now that we're both dry and out of the storm, we might wanna search for the dust before it's entirely too dark in here to find it." She said at last, and once Snape merely motioned for her to lead the way, she finally stepped further into the entrance hall.

It was a truly amazing place, derelict and long seized by nature as its rightfully reclaimed property. But the cold, moist masses of stone held an ineffable mystery to them, a tingle at Robin's senses she couldn't quite explain. Everything about this place was looming, lurking,  _ waiting _ … yet she could not tell for what. 

They made their way through the empty hall with quietly echoing steps, in a conscious effort not to disturb the ancient silence. Robin walked ahead, a mere two steps, but she was well aware of Snape's constant presence behind her, and she honestly was grateful for it. Something about this place was odd… intriguing beyond measure, but eerie and coiled up, ready to jump into their faces if they made one wrong move. The small hairs in Robin's neck stood on high alert, and her mind followed suit.

"What are you noticing?" He asked then, in a whisper only, and from the mere tone of his voice she could tell that he was no less alert than she was herself.

"The same thing you do, obviously." She breathed back, while however keeping her eyes on the hallway they were following into the unknown.

"All I notice is your concern, that is unsettling enough to me."

"I can feel them… The secrets dwelling in the halls around us, some of which are beautiful, others that will haunt you till the day you die." She said, and a shiver ran down her back at the very moment the words left her lips. Haunting… that was precisely the place one would expect wraiths' moss to grow, wasn't it?

They made their way through multiple hallways, crossing through rooms both empty and filled with long rotten furniture, but there was no trace of the familiar ultramarine that should have settled by now, and thus no trace of the moss anywhere. The castle was huge though, too large to search entirely, and Robin soon realized that they would need a strategy if they didn't want to continue blindly roaming through the sheer endless number of rooms.

A look into her journal proved to be helpful. The moss seemed to grow best in dark and moist places, protected from both light and wind, and ideally ones that still were cool enough to keep it constantly chilled. Robin read this part out to Snape, and they only needed one look at each other to know exactly where they were heading next. 

The castle's dungeons proved to be exactly what the word promised, rust ridden shackles and chains on moss covered walls, endless tunnels and tiny cells. And yet the dungeons were unreasonably large for a castle of this size, digging deep into the hills and likely well beyond, a true maze of rooms and corridors. For exactly this reason, they decided to split up for the search. 

Robin had seen enough horror movies in her summer breaks to know that splitting up was probably the worst thing one could do when already spooked, but she had also read enough accounts of successful field research to know that efficiency was a key to success. Thus she moved down the dark hallway alone now, wand raised with a bright  _ lumos _ that unfortunately didn't light the path far enough ahead for her liking. Beyond carefully, she looked into every room she came across, never making an uncalculated step, and yet…  _ Nothing.  _ No wraiths' moss, nor anything else that was worth even a second glance. A few times she believed to see a shadow moving, out of the corner of her eyes, but every time she whipped around to catch it, there was the same nothing as everywhere else. All this search was doing was make her nerves stand on edge, and her heart rate go through the roof. After half an hour of following the pitch black corridor, she still hadn't reached the end of it but decided to turn around anyway. The plants she had seen growing down here hadn't changed in the last fifteen minutes of walking, and thus she deemed it highly unlikely that they  _ would  _ change even if she moved on now. Thus she headed back towards their meeting point. Damnit… she had been so sure about the moss being down here, but there wasn't a single speckle of her tracing dust to be found anywhere! The thought made her halt; if the dust wasn't here,  _ where _ was it then? 

She had already been walking for a good while when a distant sound echoed off the stone walls, and she froze in her step immediately. Silence. Her heart picked up speed in an instant. It stayed silent, the narrow hallway closing in on her in an uncomfortable way, and she walked on with a frown on her face. Then the echo reached her ears again, clearer this time, she heard her name… and she started running. 

A million scenarios ran through her mind in time with her path through the hallways, and she could only hope that this was one of the kind that would make her regret running, not one that would make her wish she had been able to run faster. Blindly she followed the maze of corridors now, rounding corners without a second thought about what she might find behind them, until at last she saw a light shining in the distance. With burning lungs, she came closer fast until…

"Stop!" His voice made Robin freeze in an instant, and she did stop indeed right in her spot in the middle of the hallway.

"What's wrong? Are you alright?" She asked, still not daring to move, but she needed an answer. Now.

"I am fine, the situation however is clearly not." He replied in utmost annoyance, and Robin felt immensely relieved at that. As long as he was upset and complaining about  _ something _ , the world wasn't ending. So far so good.

"Can I move again?" She inquired carefully, trying to get her breathing back under control. Gods, running really wasn't for her, leave alone after a day like this. But adrenaline was a nice little helper in this case. "What's going on?"

"You can move, yes, but do  _ not _ come near this door." 

Still panting, Robin moved the remaining few steps down the hallway until she stood facing the room the light was coming from. There he was, standing in the doorway a step into the room, looking entirely furious but otherwise fine. Robin still didn't understand, but a good bunch of negative scenarios were proven wrong right then, and it honestly came as a small relief no matter what. She observed him for a quiet moment, her chest still heaving pathetically, but slowly the terrible burning in her lungs decreased.

"You… you scared me." She finally admitted, on a whim, but she thought that he should know nonetheless.

His anger seemed to lessen up upon that, as if it hadn't even occurred to him what she might be experiencing in this situation, until he looked almost sincerely sorry. "That wasn't my intention. I heard a noise and it left me thinking that you were nearby."

"Well, I… wasn't. It doesn't matter." She huffed and finally brushed the hair out of her face that had become stuck and tangled everywhere in her blind chase through the dungeons. "I hurried either way, so what's the trouble?"

"I cannot get out." Was all he said for a moment, and when Robin frowned at him first, then at the doorway that didn't even have a door hooked inside it, he finally elaborated. "I could come in here without trouble, but there seems to be a spell placed on the door that prevents me from  _ leaving _ again. As if that wasn't bad enough, it so happens that everything I have tried to remove this barrier has failed."

Robin's frown deepened, and she chewed on her bottom lip as she thought about his words. A magical prison… that means someone who had lived here at some point had been a witch or wizard. Or would a visitor bother to set up a room like this? Unlikely. That didn't help much right now either way; the only question of relevance was how she could take this barrier down.

"Robin…"

"Yes, I'm thinking! Just give me a moment…" She spoke without even paying attention to what she said. Which spells did she know that blocked magic? The apparition jinx on Hogwarts, for example. But how to find a counter curse when she didn't know which curse had been placed on the door?  _ Damnit _ … she still felt so desperately on edge down here, the dark closing in on her, and the hallway seemed to shrink as well.

"Breathe, yes?" He said in a surprising calm, and Robin finally looked up at him once more. "None of this is your fault. It was I who was idiotic enough to wander in here without precautions."

"Perhaps. But that doesn't change the fact that I need to get you out of there, and I promise you that I will." 

"Removing an unknown spell is an immensely difficult and highly unlikely procedure. You cannot promise me that."

"Watch me." She replied with a newfound determination that came along with a sudden idea. Snape was right, removing an unknown spell was practically impossible and would take ages of trial and error. But perhaps she didn't have to go down this road. "You might want to get as far back into the room as possible."

"What is your plan?" He asked, but still moved away from the door like Robin had told him to, retreating into the far corner.

"I'm keeping my promise by thinking outside the box." She gave him a small and weary smile, but a smile no less as she pointed her wand not at the doorframe, but at the wall next to it. "You, uh… better conjure up some kind of shield now." She took a deep breath, steadying her shaking hand in between heartbeats. " _ Bombarda Maxima _ ."


	42. Of Dusk and Dawn - Part 8

She took a deep breath, steadying her shaking hand in between heartbeats. " _ Bombarda Maxima _ ."

In an instant, a loud explosion echoed all throughout the dungeons, reflecting off every wall and every stone, and for a moment Robin's ears rang with an impossibly high frequency. But as the dust of destruction faded, so did the ringing in her ears, and Robin coughed for a moment until the air became breathable again. Where once had been a wall was only a large hole now, and before she could make an attempt to move any closer, a light surfaced from the darkness behind it, then Snape came into view.

"The door was jinxed, the room was not. Quite careless for a magical trap, wouldn't you say?" She quirked an eyebrow at him with a breathless chuckle, letting herself fall against the stone wall behind her as he stepped over the rubble and out of the room indeed. "Promise kept, I'd say."

Snape approached her with a mildly concerned frown, but luckily without as much as a speckle of dust on him. He must've taken her word for it and used one or another shielding charm, and Robin felt rather pleased that he trusted her even so spontaneously.

"That was dangerous. Very much so." He remarked once he stood directly in front of her, and their eyes met through the darkness that was only brightened by one  _ lumos  _ now.

"Nah, I directed it into the opposite corner of where you stood. I am very certain that even without any shielding, you would've been perfectly fine."

"I'm not talking about  _ me _ , but you!" He complained with a returning frown, and his angry gaze moved away from hers to inspect her for any physical damage. "You could have been severely injured. Causing an explosion directly in front of you, in a hallway as narrow as this… It was beyond reckless, if not straight out stupid."

"Well,  _ sorry  _ for not getting you out of there the fun and fancy way." Robin scoffed and crossed her arms over her chest as she rolled her eyes, looking down the hallway instead of at him. "I'll keep it in mind for the next time you need me to rescue you."

"I didn't mean it like that and you know it." His words got her to look back up at him, and she found that while his tone was a complaint, his eyes were a plea. "You  _ know _ ."

"Yes." She found herself sighing, understanding. He was insufferable no less. "Still, a  _ 'thank you for saving me, Robin'  _ would've been a better reaction, a better  _ immediate _ reaction at least, than a complaint about my inability to keep myself out of harm's way."

"Thank you. For thinking outside the box and for always keeping your promises. For being insufferably  _ you _ ." He returned sincerely, and she had to smile a little even though she didn't want to. At least he seemed to be actually trying; that was all she could and would ask for. Hell, she actually shouldn't be asking for anything if one was taking everything into consideration.

"Anytime." She said with a small smile, and she absolutely meant it as well. No matter what. A few seconds passed in silence, the dungeons became the echo of nothing once more, and the returning eerie, cold calm settled back into Robin's bones.

"I assume you had no luck with the moss either?" Snape finally asked as he took a step backwards to give her the room to move away from the wall, and upon that they started to head back to the staircase to the upper floors.

"None at all. Neither did I see any of the blue dust however, which means it must be somewhere else in the castle. And seeing as it is highly unlikely that the moss grows in any of the upper stories…"

"...it leaves one to wonder what could have attracted the dust if not the moss."

"Precisely." Robin smiled at him as they reached the stairs and made their way back to the ground level. "I believe we need a change of strategy."

A strategy, however, usually entailed some kind of knowledge of at least one of the factors that were to be dealt with. Seeing as neither Robin nor Snape had any actual knowledge of their current situation, they settled for a logical assumption instead. The plants they had discovered in the dungeons and the ground floor respectively had all been the same ones over and over again, which now led them to believe that they didn't need to search all individual rooms, but rather a few select ones that would serve as an average sample. And while Robin was well aware that it wasn't a real strategy, it was a plan of action nonetheless.

When they reached the first story hallway, it was still incredibly dark all around them. The rain and storm hadn't let up by the least, and the impending sunset slowly turned the grey into black. Robin was now using her own  _ lumos _ once more, keeping her wand risen in front of her as she walked ahead through the surprisingly narrow hallways. They were still there, the shadows, the  _ secrets… _ but she forbid herself to show any signs of fear. She was here to find a plant, not to play hide and seek with the demons in her own mind! But she was careful, even more so than before. If one room had been jinxed, who knew what other surprises might wait for them in the corners of this place?

For that exact reason, Robin went into the rooms alone at first, and only once it was proven that she could also get back out again, they started searching the space together. Occasionally they heard the wind whipping around the castle, or the distant thunder, but otherwise every dead and living thing seemed to respect the silence that ruled around here. They moved on to the second floor after the first had proven empty, and to the third once the second had as well. And still, no moss. No dust. Only the timeless chill of an unknown history.

It was the fourth story then that turned out to be a lot more decayed than the others had been. Clawed at by wind and rain for years on end, many of the outer walls were missing stones and entire parts even, and some rooms seemed to have collapsed for good under the weight of time. A few corridors however seemed to be as untouched by destruction as the lower floors had been, and the adjunct rooms along with them.

The third and final of those rooms they searched was larger than the others had been, a hall almost rather than a room, and going into the hill beyond the far side of the castle. Robin's steps echoed through the empty space as she walked along the left wall, moving further and further until she reached the back at last. No dust. Snape had seen to the right side, but he also reached the far corner without any results. Damn… this had been the last chance, the last place to look. Nothing, the very same nothing as everywhere else.

"We could take a look into a few more rooms on the way back down, if you would like to." He suggested as they both met up in the middle of the wall. "Perhaps we missed something."

"You know that we didn't. It would merely be redundant." She sighed softly, sadly. "I simply was wrong. Perhaps the dust dissolved before we could find the moss, or perhaps it never worked in the first place. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Your theory was brilliant, the tracing spell you came up with was as well, and so was the quest. I have no doubt that you will eventually discover what went wrong. After all, wraiths' moss was perhaps the most difficult thing in your entire book you could try to find. Nobody can blame you for coming closer to it than most before you have."

"How would you know if we were anywhere close to it at all? We might as well be miles away."

"You had a very reasonable plan and put it into action perfectly. That is more than most others can pride themselves with."

"Well, I guess so…" Robin shrugged with a still sad half smile. "I just really wanted to prove that I could actually do it. Find even the most difficult thing with my methods. Perhaps one day I will."

"I have no doubt that you will indeed."

"Thank you. Makes at least one person who believes in me." She said with a bittersweet huff as she walked backwards through the middle of the room towards the large door. Once at a distance to the back wall however, she stopped in her spot and frowned at the sight in front of her.

"What is it?" Snape asked an instant later as he picked up on her hesitation to go on, but he remained standing with his back to the wall until Robin motioned for him to stand next to her.

"Look at the wall…" She mused quietly, and he quirked an eyebrow at her in doubt, but turned around anyway upon her request. "Do you see that?"

"What, pray tell, are you talking about?"

"The stone pedestal that was probably built for a throne to stand upon…"

"Yes?"

"It's not in the middle of the wall." Robin concluded, and then went to count the large stones on each side of the pedestal up to the walls on the side. Eight on the left, ten on the right. Curious.

"I am not even going to pretend that I have the slightest idea about what you are referring to with that."

"Well, it's easy." She started, turning to Snape to explain herself without sounding too condescending. "Asymmetry as an element of style was only introduced in the eighteenth century, starting with landscapes and such. Before that, symmetry and axes were the ruling principle of European architecture, dating back a _really_ long time. Don't ask me how long though, my memory isn't _that_ good. Anyway, every room in this castle and even the entrance hall has followed a simple but strict symmetry up to this point. Now, why on earth would they build the pedestal for the bloody throne _not_ in the middle of the wall if quite obviously they could have?"

"How on earth do you always know these things?" He asked with an incredulous frown in return, though Robin believed to see a subtle touch of wonder in his expression no less.

"I attended some summer classes at university all those years back, remember? We didn't just cover the Renaissance, you know…" Robin shrugged with a smirk. "I just happen to remember a lot of things that interest me in one way or another."

"You really are the most curious creature I have ever met."

"Thank you, but I wasn't going for compliments with this." She smirked, but continued before he could complain. "I did mean it, why isn't the pedestal in the middle?"

"How would I know?"

"Perhaps it's nothing… but maybe I can at least solve one riddle today." With that, Robin walked back to the wall, into the right corner, and stopped right in front of the last two stones. It didn't look any different than the rest of the wall, there was nothing here, no mystery and no secrets. She was probably just making things up now to ignore her failure with the moss, but honestly, what did she have to lose in going after a few more ridiculous theories?

Snape came to stand next to her again a second later, and once the echo of his steps faded, the room fell silent. With the silence, the eerie feeling returned as well, and Robin wondered why she hadn't noticed before. As long as there was silence, the inexplicable  _ something _ that she had called secrets and shadows filled the room and made her nerves stand on edge. When there was noise however, talking or even too loud footsteps, the feeling was gone. It wasn't just imagination or distraction, a shift of focus or anything of the sort… it was an actual, physical change. Like a light switch activated by sound. And now that it was silent, Robin could feel the  _ something  _ stronger than ever. 

"Are you just going to stand there or-..." He started, but Robin sent him a glare immediately, one that actually did shut him up straight away. She didn't have time to take pride in that however.

The something stirred but lingered, and she could feel it almost like a presence now that she focused on it. When she reached her hand out towards the wall, a cold shudder ran down her back without any other reason than because the something had caused it. Almost like it didn't want her to touch that wall… no, that was ridiculous. But was it really?

Robin looked up at Snape for a moment, and somewhere deep within her mind, beneath the layers influenced by the something, she was relieved by knowing him right next to her. But when she reached out another time, not quite touching the wall, her breathing turned shallow and her heart started to race on its own account. But it wasn't her mind that caused these reactions, not truly. With another glance up at her company, she pushed through the terror that was starting to spread within her now, and finally placed her hand on the wall in front of her. But her hand went right through the strone as if it wasn't even there.

The sheer confusion upon that had a hold of her mind for but a second, before a loud bang echoed through the room and through Robin in equal measure. A painful jolt of electricity snapped within her and she let out a startled and terrified shriek in return. What was that?! Oh bloody hell… her heart skipped multiple painful beats and her body was so filled up with adrenaline that she felt like bursting and crying at once. Taking deliberately deep breaths, she tried to calm herself back down to a workable state, a  _ functioning _ state, but it was a very slow road.

"Robin?" Snape's deep voice was as soothing to her as anything could be, and she finally felt herself breathing again. "What happened?"

"You didn't… How did you not hear that?!" She looked up at him in confusion and exasperation. "That sound just a moment ago? Like a door being thrown shut very strongly?"

"I did not hear anything." He frowned in return, looking as concerned as Robin was confused. "It was completely silent and you merely stared at the wall."

"No, I touched it! I mean, I… I  _ tried _ to touch it!"

"You didn't, Robin. You were only staring at it without even blinking."

" _ Fuck _ … This castle is driving me insane." She breathed and closed her eyes for a second to regain some composure at least. Only then she finally realized that her left hand was still tightly clasped around his arm, that she was clinging onto him as if her life depended on it. Oh bloody hell indeed. She let go immediately, and at least her body had the decency to blush now, while it had in her panic gladly found a shortcut around her brain. "I, uh… I should probably apologise for that." 

"Don't." He replied in an instant, but after a few seconds he added, "Fear seems to be a reasonable reaction in this case. I cannot say what happened, if your mind was tricked or mine."

"Let's try again and find out." She sighed with a more or less insecure frown, but with some effort it turned more and more into determination. This was ridiculous, she wouldn't let the something scare her off now, that was precisely what it wanted. And if doubt and fear allowed it into her mind, she would do the very opposite. Without as much as a word of warning, she walked straight ahead into the wall, and straight  _ through  _ the wall indeed. 

She let out a breath she didn't know she was holding as she reached the other side a broken second later, and then scanned her surroundings. A tunnel lay ahead of her, narrow and pitch black. _Hell yeah_ , a secret passage, she had been right about one thing at least! Behind her, the wall she had come through looked exactly as real as it had from the other side. Just like the wall leading to platform 9¾, she realized just now. Perhaps it even was the same spell. Her brows furrowed then… Snape wasn't following behind her. Without a second of doubt, she walked back through the wall to where she had come from, only to see a variety of emotions flashing through his face upon her return.

"Was that necessary?" He inquired with a mediocre neutrality, but Robin could tell that she had upset him in one way or another. "You didn't know what you would find on the other side." 

"Yes. It was necessary." She returned however, giving him a look that hopefully conveyed something calming. "If you hesitate, it blocks you out. But I could've given you a warning, I admit that, and I'm sorry that I didn't. However, you wouldn't have let me go if I had told you what I intended to, so I'm not too sorry, actually."

"You are insufferable." He sighed and rolled his eyes in his typical exaggerated manner. "What did you find behind the wall?"

"Oh, so you didn't want me to investigate, but you _ are  _ curious nonetheless." She couldn't help the smirk spreading on her face, but then continued on earnestly. "I got in and out without trouble, so it should be safe for us to go and investigate together. Okay?"

"Yes." 

They made their way behind the wall without wasting any more time, Robin going ahead and Snape following closely behind her. He still didn't seem too fond of the entire situation, Robin could tell without even looking at him, but he also wouldn't be able to deny his curiosity. Not to her at least. Thus they followed the narrow tunnel until they came to an even narrower spiral staircase, which led them upwards for a surprisingly long time until they arrived in a chamber that was all but surprising to both of them. The most surprising thing was how different it looked to the rest of the castle they had just come from, almost as if it was from a different time altogether. Nothing was destroyed or rotten… no, it looked like a chaotic person's study that had been worked in until minutes ago. 

"Consider me impressed." Robin mused to herself as she looked around with huge eyes filled with wonder. There were books and parchments, objects and artifacts of all kinds assembled and stashed everywhere. It could've been a miniature version of Dumbledore's office back at Hogwarts.

"Consider  _ me  _ surprised." He returned with a pointed expression, but Robin's attention was caught by something else. In the middle of the room, a circle seemed to be burnt into the ground. And right in the middle of that circle rested a small heap of ultramarine dust.

"Uh, I know where our dust went…" She said, and motioned to the now motionless heap on the ground. Snape followed her gaze, and they both stepped closer in a wordless agreement.

"There is nothing here that could've attracted the dust… I don't understand why it's gone straight to the center. Or to this room in the first place! What's behind all that?" Robin frowned, but she also realized that this very likely meant that her theory might not be so wrong after all. At least her tracing spell seemed to have traced  _ something _ , even if certainly not the wraiths' moss.

"Good question. Perhaps the knowledge of what this circle does will shed some light on it." He replied while he studied the lines that were burnt into the stone in front of them.

"So you haven't seen anything like this either?"

"I have, which is why I know that there's more than one answer to it. They were used for a great variety of spells in times long passed."

"How do we figure out what this one was used for then?" 

"The writing around the outline should be good indicator, wouldn't you say?" He quirked an eyebrow at Robin in the most annoyingly teasing manner, and she rolled her eyes partially at him and partially at herself for not seeing it herself. A closer look at the letters however proved that the joke was on him indeed.

"Can you read Latin?" She smirked up at him in return, just in time to see his brows furrowing. "Because this looks a whole lot like Latin to me."

"I attended the same school as you, what do _ you  _ think?!" He rolled his eyes with a scoff. "Obviously I cannot read Latin. Not fluently and without help, at least."

"Well, and what are we going to do about that?" She smiled innocently, but upon his annoyed expression she sighed and opened her backpack with a roll of her eyes. "I have a dictionary."

"You will never cease to surprise me, will you?"

"What's so surprising about a dictionary? I for my part know what I don't know, which is why I come prepared."

"Let me guess, you also carry one for ancient Greek?"

"Yeah… along with Spanish, French, Italian, German and Chinese. I'm still trying to find a Russian and a Japanese one." She shrugged in complete honesty, and didn't miss the small smirk on his lips as she handed him the book. "Don't you dare making fun of me, we wouldn't get anywhere without my tendency to be over-prepared."

"I wouldn't dare to make fun of you. For once."

"Good." She said with a small smirk, then walked around the circle to read the entire writing that wrapped around the outline. " _ In girum imus nocte et consumimur igni _ … Whatever that's supposed to mean."

In the next fifteen minutes, they lit the candles that had prevailed in the room just like the other objects, untouched by time, and tried to make sense of the sentence. They translated the words the best they could, which worked better than expected, until at last they came to a translation that roughly said 'we enter the circle after dark and are consumed by fire'. But even then, they were left no wiser.

"After dark, or at night… does that mean any time after sunset?" Robin asked with a frown, pacing around the circle and passing by Snape again and again until he handed her the dictionary for her to put back into her bag. "Because I'm sure that the sun has set by now, it's seven thirty."

"Perhaps."

"So, we enter the circle after dark. Let's do it then." She said and took one large step forward into the circle before Snape could make any attempt to stop her.

"Rule number one in an ancient castle full of foreign magic: do  _ not _ step into ominous large circles painted on the ground!" He scolded her action immediately, everything about him screaming irritation, alertness and tension, but once he realized that absolutely nothing had happened, he seemed to relax ever so slightly. Robin once more felt guilty nonetheless, and a little annoyed that he was being so overly cautious this whole time. He'd always pushed her to do and try things, theories… Why was he holding her back now?

"Sorry. I didn't think that just standing here would make a difference." She replied with a sigh. "And as it turns out I was right about that. Isn't proving theories what we're here about in the first place?"

"Yes. But I would like to hear your theories first before you try to prove them."

"Because you wanna keep me from trying?"

"Because I cannot help you when I don't know what you are up to. And neither can I protect you should things go wrong."

"Oh…" Well, she hadn't really seen it that way yet, even though she most definitely should have. How many times in the past had she complained to him about his tendency to  _ not _ talk to her and simply do the work in the lab alone, leaving her entirely unable to help? More than a year had passed since that had been an issue, but now the problem had obviously returned with switched parts. Perhaps he was right and she needed to communicate her thoughts and ideas better. He had learned to include her in his world, and she needed to learn to do the same now. "I believe I understand that. Actually understand, I mean."

"Good." He said, and finally turned to look back down at the burn marks and letters in the stone. "Now, do you notice anything that could explain the 'fire' part of the sentence?"

Robin concentrated on herself and her surroundings, but absolutely nothing seemed different than at any other point or place. Even the  _ something  _ she had noticed all the way back in the hall was gone now, and had been ever since they'd stepped behind the magical wall. 

"No…" She replied at last, frowning down at the writing that surrounded her now, searching for the 'igni', which supposedly meant fire. But as she spun around in one direction, then in the other, she noticed something else. "The sentence is a palindrome!"

"What?"

"The Latin sentence! You can read it both forwards and backwards and it reads the same."

"I know what a palindrome is." He rolled his eyes, but without any actual annoyance. "I am merely surprised."

"See here… You go 'In girum imus' yada yada forwards, and backwards it's…" Robin grinned down at the floor in excitement as she read the sentence forwards, then spun the other way around again to try without the correct gaps in between the words. " _ Ingi rumimusnoc te etcon sumi murig ni _ ." 

The very second the words had left her lips, a bright flash blinded her enough to make her shut her eyes tightly, and when she opened them again, everything stayed pitch black nonetheless.

Her heart stopped for a moment and her breathing hitched, but even as she frantically looked around herself, then touched her face to make sure she was actually opening her eyes, there was nothing but darkness. In an instant, she clawed her wand out of her sleeve with shaking hands before lighting a  _ lumos  _ as fast as possible.

In the limited spark of brightness she could not see far, but it was enough to realize that she was not in the study anymore. This place didn't even resemble it, all moist and dark and rotten smelling, and the oh so familiar cold heatwaves of panic surged through her body even faster upon that realization. Oh god… she should've listened to Snape, she never should've stepped into that bloody circle! It was of no use now. She was alone in the darkness.


	43. Of Dusk and Dawn - Part 9

At the first glance, Robin believed that she had been teleported into a forest. A dark one that is, with roots or vines creeping across the floor like serpents, and mountains of trees towering around her to unfathomable heights. But when she looked down at the ground beneath her feet, trying to suppress the tears that so desperately wanted to fall from her eyes, she realized that she was standing on the same stone as in the castle. And she realized that she still stood in a circle of very much the same nature as the one she had left through. A sudden and desperate hope grabbed her and she pushed the fear aside as she repeated the very sentence that had brought her here. The same bright and sizzling flash around her, the same odd feeling, and she was back in the study half a second later.

Snape still stood in the same spot where she had left him, her eyes found his in an instant, and while Robin did her best not to break down crying, his expression turned from something she could only describe as horrified desperation to a mixture of relief, concern and irritation. In a blink, he was in the circle with her, not even a step away.

"What were you thinking?!" He barked, gripping her shoulders in both hands while he stared down at her with an expression so intense it made her heart skip a beat. "Do you enjoy ignoring everything I say to put yourself at risk?  _ Again? _ Or do you just want to torture me?"

Robin opened her mouth to reply, to explain, but all that came past her lips was a strangled sob. She didn't want him to be mad at her, not now, not when she hadn't even meant to do anything wrong! Not when she needed him to feel safe. Not when she had just found a way back from a place like that, dark and scary and alone… Her chest hurt from the still relentless racing of her heart, and she felt too hot, out of breath. Screw this, screw everything! Whatever this bloody circle had done with her, it had scared the living hell out of her even more than anything else. The tears of shock spilled over her cheeks at last, hot and relentless and angry and she couldn't stop them even as she tried.

His features softened immediately in return, every trace of anger and annoyance blown into the wind until only the concern lingered. And a subtle touch of fear. "Don't…" He started, more a plea than an order, and Robin couldn't help averting her eyes from his at last. The look on his face just broke her heart, unguarded and honest, and that made her want to do things she knew she shouldn't even consider. But his hands stayed on her shoulders and upper arms, and she allowed herself to enjoy the comfort of that lingering touch at least.

"I didn't mean for that to happen. I didn't mean to worry you. I promise." She breathed after a moment, in a voice still laced with tears as much as her eyes were. She still couldn't look at him. "I don't know what happened, I just said that bloody sentence and then it was bright and dark and I was alone… Please don't be upset with me."

Robin could feel him hesitating for a moment, a stillness going through his being, before his grip on her loosened up, but didn't disappear even as he answered at last. "You vanished into a darting flame right in front of my eyes and there was absolutely nothing I could do but watch." A pause. "I am not upset with you, Robin. I was terrified. And that isn't an emotion I take well to."

Her eyes were back on his in an instant, and it was him now who struggled to hold her gaze. But he did, and it meant more to her than she could put into words. "I understand." She said quietly, and it really did make a ridiculous amount of sense now. Of course he wouldn't show fear as fear itself… not until now at least. Robin understood indeed. 

He let out a barely audible breath, as if those two words were so very surprising to him, but perhaps they were. Robin's heart sighed again, and now she was the one who wanted to comfort him instead of the other way round.

"I was terrified too." She said, allowing herself to lean into his touch ever so slightly. "As I said, it wasn't something I wanted to happen either. And it was… scary over there."

"I am sorry for yelling at you." He replied much to her surprise. Apologies were still a rare occurrence, especially ones not asked for. "I didn't mean to make matters even worse for you, and I certainly did not mean to make you cry."

"You didn't, not really." She offered him a reassuring half smile upon his conflicted expression. "It was just the surprise, the shock… the fear that resulted of being thrown into a pit of darkness that overwhelmed me for a moment. Not you. Your presence was comforting, actually. It usually is…" 

He stilled once more, and Robin regretted saying those last two sentences immediately. Of course he wouldn't want her to be comforted by his mere presence, gods, he probably thought she was either lying or making some kind of twisted joke. What had she been thinking?! She hadn't been thinking at all.  _ Idiot… _

"Do you actually mean that?" He asked after a moment, having retreated to the safety of his perfect neutrality, and finally dropped his hands from her shoulders. At least no scowl, no disgust, no scorn…

"Of course I mean it. You know that I don't lie." She replied openly, calmly. But then she had to smile ever so slightly at a thought that would hopefully take the edge out of the situation. "And since you seem to believe that I don't listen to what you say anyway, I wouldn't even know that you yelled at me in the first place now, would I?"

That finally made the corner of his lips quirk upwards. "How would you know I made that assumption if you did not listen indeed?"

"Damnit…" Robin's smile widened a little at first, but more and more once his neutrality ebbed off again to be replaced by the ease that was solely reserved for her. "I was going to let you win this once."

"As if I would need your help for that." He replied with a huff and a not-smirk, and Robin could tell that he was glad for the change of topic. Still, for such a major slip up on her part, the situation had gone surprisingly smoothly.

"What would you have done without my dictionary, huh?" She quirked an eyebrow at him. "Or without me ever finding the passageway to this room? We would still be searching for the tracing dust, and…"

She stopped in her sentence upon her own words, looked down at the stones beneath her feet, and finally back up at Snape again. "The dust is gone. I must've taken it with me to the… other side. It must've moved away before I returned though, so…"

"Whatever attracted it is still on that other side, as is the dust." He finished her sentence, with a curious frown that made Robin smile again. Somehow it was beyond endearing to her, but she was rather sure that nobody else would even be able to differentiate it from all those other frowns of his.

"Precisely." She finally said. "And as much as I hate the prospect of that right now… perhaps we should go through the circle once more. It's not dangerous as far as I could tell. It works a little bit like floo powder but without the fireplace and without the powder. It's only a two way portal, and I guess that's why the sentence to activate it is a palindrome. Forwards and backwards the same. Like… a magical door to another room."

"Is that a theory?"

"Yes. You wanted me to share my thoughts, so there you go."

"And you believe it is safe?"

"The circle, yes. The place it leads to… I'm not so sure. It reminded me of the forbidden forest back at school, but I was quite panicked for the few seconds I was there, so that evaluation should be seen with that in consideration. Objectively, I can tell you that there was no immediate threat or danger, no movement and no sound."

"Would you like to return there for the sake of the tracing spell?" He raised an eyebrow at her in question. "You are aware that you do not have to, yes?"

"I know… But I want to see this through to the end now. I'm not giving up on the last string of my theory just yet." She sighed, more so to herself than to him. "I want to go. But I don't want to go alone."

"You aren't alone." He said, and stepped closer so that they were both standing in the middle of the circle. After dark, ready to be consumed by fire indeed. "I am right here with you."

Robin nodded, unable to speak now without saying something even more impossible, and upon her silence he spoke the sentence to take them away instead.

The flash, the odd feeling, and then the darkness, just like before. This time however, Robin had her wand in her hand already and the  _ lumos  _ on her lips from the very moment they faced the darkness. Much better.

"Finding the dust in this place should take a while." He mused as he started off into a random direction. Robin however stayed standing in the circle for another moment, digging through her backpack and making him turn back to her with a frown.

"Who knows how far we have to go. Without hallways or a clear ground or floor structure, we might never find the circle again if we wander off like that." She explained, and finally pulled out a rock shaped like a pyramid along with a heavily wrinkled piece of parchment. The rock she set down inside the circle, and shoved the parchment into her pocket. " _ Now _ we may go."

"What, pray tell, did you do back there?" He asked in sincere curiosity as they made their way through the darkness side by side. This place seemed to be a garden of sorts, or at least it had been once upon a time. By now, it was a wilderness inside a stone hall of ineffable size.

"Oh, nothing special. A mapping charm. It draws a temporary map of the area we walk through now, so that we can find the way back later. Makes it  _ really  _ hard to get lost." She shrugged, staying close by his side nonetheless. Honestly, she was done exploring on her own for today, and definitely done walking ahead so very bravely and even more stupidly.

"Where on earth did you find a map like that?"

"Nowhere. I created it myself out of a piece of parchment that had crumbled up in my backpack, and a random paperweight I bought in a Hogsmeade. Made it for Cas, when she kept getting lost when taking walks in her first year, and she just gave it back to me some time ago." Robin explained while keeping her eyes open for the blue dust, but she also didn't miss the small smile that fell onto Snape's lips when he thought she wasn't looking. Perhaps he  _ actually _ didn't mind her constant over-preparedness, or her repeated improvisation and invention of random pieces of magic. Perhaps he might appreciate that about her even. Robin surely hoped he did.

For quite a while they moved through the various plants, weeds and  _ species  _ that couldn't even be identified anymore, and the further they walked the more obscure their surroundings got. But finally,  _ finally _ they found the tracing dust that had spread among a group of bizarre flowers. Bright ultramarine, slightly glowing, and impossible to miss. The flowers in return were equally impossible to overlook themselves: Scarlet petals, full and lush and pointed, on long white stems with blue thorns. Amazing, but definitely not wraiths' moss.

"Any inkling what kind of flower this is?" Robin asked with a small doubtful frown directed at Snape, who however looked equally puzzled as she did herself.

"I am afraid I have no idea."

"Somehow… I feel like I've seen it before. It looks so unique with its contrasts and especially the light blue thorns…" She closed her eyes for a second, scanning her mental index. "Blue thorns… it rings a bell."

"How many books about plants have you studied, exactly?"

"I looked through a couple hundred." She sighed, pinching the bridge of her rose. " _ Read _ in their entirety though… A few more than the ones you have lent to me over the years." 

Again, her own words rang a bell in her mind, and she knelt down on the cold stone to dig through her backpack once more. Seconds later, she pulled out three books of considerable size and an even more considerable page count. 

"Aren't those mine?" He quirked an eyebrow at her, undoubtedly humoured, but also inquiring enough to make her look back down at her bag in a rush of embarrassment.

"Uh, yes. They are." Robin replied, forcing the heat away from her cheeks before it would turn her into the same colour as the flowers in front of them. "I meant to return them to you after summer, but I wasn't done with the handbook yet, so I held onto them for a while longer… Anyway, the point is that I am absolutely certain that I've seen the flower before, and I assume it was in one of those books. So we better start looking."

It took them less than five minutes to find the correct page. The specimen in question was a blue thorned Siazella, a subtropical flower that wasn't even supposed to be growing here. But it was, undoubtedly, and while neither of them had an idea why that was the case, they soon discovered why the tracing spell had sought it out at least. And upon that, everything else became clearer as well.

The tracing spell, or rather the specific dust Robin had come up with for the occasion, was supposed to trace an attribute that in Europe  _ only  _ appeared in wraiths' moss. The Siazella however, as an alien to the natural landscape of Scotland, just so happened to share this very attribute. Even worse, it ran way stronger in the Siazella than it did in the moss, which precisely is why the dust had found its way into this unlikely place, and right to the Siazella. That explained why there had not been a speckle of blue in the entire castle but in this very place. 

"If Siazella grows here in this place, it should also be able to grow in the greenhouse." Robin finally reasoned, glancing up at Snape. "So… how likely is it that we would ever come across it again? I mean… It originally grows in the Vietnamese highlands, not the Scottish ones. We weren't looking for it, technically, but I would like to take a few samples nonetheless. It would be a reasonable thing to do."

"I agree. It could be interesting for us to experiment with, and Pomona would certainly appreciate a new kind of flower to study as well."

"Exactly!" Robin grinned at him, delighted by how little she actually had to say for him to understand her so well. "I am thinking along the lines of three entire flowers, is that agreeable?"

He nodded, and upon that Robin got to work, carefully digging out one plant after the other, roots and all, and she actually managed not to sting herself on the thorns. Then she shrunk them down to a workable size and packed them up in a random jar in her backpack. If anyone would've asked her just how many jars, vials and boxes she carried around on a constant basis, she honestly wouldn't have been able to tell. But that's what she had the shelves for, after all.

After this unplanned but still quite impressive success, they decided to return to the circle. Robin's map turned out to be most helpful indeed, in this dark maze of madness, for they definitely would've lost their way without it. At least that's what Robin reasoned when Snape told her he would've chosen to walk into the opposite direction of where they needed to go. 

Once back in the still candlelit study, they returned everything to the state they had found it in, much to Robin's disappointment. She would've loved to take some of the books, but she also understood that it would be better not to. Foreign magic was better not to be messed with, and ghosts of the past were sometimes better left alone. Perhaps she would come back here at some point to study them though.

"So I'm wondering… if the Siazella simply has a stronger pull on the tracing dust than the wraiths' moss does, we could be surrounded by the bloody stuff and wouldn't even know." Robin mused when they walked back through the narrow passageway. "I'm just saying… The Siazella got in the way of proving my theory, it didn't actually falsify it."

"Yes, that thought had crossed my mind as well." He mused in return, and Robin's skin tingled upon the realization of just how close behind her he was. If she had stopped walking, he most certainly would've ran straight into her. Maybe they both weren't all too fond of the idea of letting each other out of sight another time tonight after all. "What do you suggest we do about it?"

"If we could somehow narrow down the attribute searched for by the dust, we could try the tracing spell again. But I have no idea how to do that, I would need to study the Siazella's specifics more thoroughly." Robin replied with a sigh, then stepped through the magical wall and back into the actual castle. The eerie  _ something  _ returned to her conscious mind in an instant, but she knew better now than to be afraid. It was a protective spell most likely, placed upon the secret study to keep people as far away as possible. Quite clever, really.

"Since you already know more about these plants than I do, it is needless to say that I am of no help in that regard either. But how would you like to limit the existing tracing spell to the dungeons instead?"

"You know how to do that?!" Robin's head whipped to the side to look at him with big eyes, a spark of hope blossoming in her chest.

"Oh, don't pretend to be so surprised…" He replied with a pointed expression that made Robin smile. "I know magic you cannot even dream of."

"I'm all ears."

"You do a surprising amount of talking for that."

"...said the person who wanted me to share more of my thought process." She quirked an eyebrow at him in amusement, while they made their way back down to the stories below. "You really are one big contradiction, you know that?"

"Only to you, it appears."

"Curious, isn't it?" Robin smiled, but she didn't get any answer and honestly didn't expect to either. It was obvious enough that they both were aware of the fact that she knew him quite a bit better than most other people ever would, and that thought made her smile even more.

They reached the dungeons not long after, without even considering splitting up this time around. Snape placed his spell on the entire level, upon which Robin dug out the sample of the tracing dust she'd actually meant to take back to the lab, as well as her handbook for the spell. She repeated the process they had gone through this morning, upon which the dust assembled into the infamous blue line at first, then however turned into a smoky cloud immediately afterwards and finally fanned out into all directions as it had upon their arrival at the castle. This time however, the effects were visible immediately. All around them, in all the rooms, cells and even the hallway, the blue speckles settled down near the ground, on top of invisible objects, giving them both shape and texture. Robin's anticipating and hopeful expression turned into one of excitement and glee, and she grinned at Snape for a second before moving straight ahead to inspect their new find. 

"It appears that your theory was just proven correct indeed… I cannot say that I'm at all surprised." He said while Robin charmed the first patch of moss to become both visible and harvestable. "It is a truly admirable achievement. Congratulations."

"Thank you." She smiled up at him over her shoulder for a moment, then went back to packing up as much of the moss as she could. "I can't quite believe that it actually worked after all. It has been such a hassle… but it definitely was worth it."

"Some things are worth every effort." He mused in return, almost quietly, while Robin finished packing up the second patch of moss. "And some turn every effort into a pleasure."

Robin smiled down at the box in her hands, which was now filled to the brim with wraiths' moss. It would last them  _ years _ , most likely, and buying the same amount would've cost more than either of them could ever afford. Her heart danced in happiness, and her mind in giddy excitement. She had done her job well, had proven that it was possible to find even the rarest plants with planning, research and unconventional thinking. For once, Robin was actually proud of herself.

… … … 

Fifteen minutes later, they finally left the heavy masses of stone behind, making their way out of the castle, through the ancient gates, and out into the night. It had stopped raining, but the sky was still clouded and the air still cold and moist in a way that inevitably crept up your sleeves and beneath every layer of clothing. Robin shivered, but she reasoned that they would be back at Hogwarts soon enough… no need to start making a fuss now.

After looking so bleak for a moment back then, their mission had turned out to be a huge success after all. Her theory was proven, her methods working (with some necessary but minor revisions for the tracing dust still due) and they had acquired not one but two rare plants they could experiment with in the future. On the other hand, they had hiked for  _ hours  _ on end, gotten caught in the rain and been drenched entirely, and finally had encountered more strangeness than they usually did in a year. It had been a perfect day, to Robin at least, and she couldn't stop smiling as they finally came to a stand outside the gates. Time to apparate back to Hogwarts.

Robin focused on releasing the tension from her body like she had done this morning, trying to relax her muscles, but when his hand brushed against hers so very gently before slowly taking a hold of it, all efforts were drowned out by the surge of electricity rippling through her once again. His touch was surprisingly reluctant, more so the closer they got, a contradiction within his person yet again. But Robin wouldn't even think about complaining. His contradictions were part of him, a confusing and beautiful part she loved dearly.

"Ready?" He asked if on cue, tightening his hold on her hand which led Robin to do the same.

"Definitely." She smiled, then relaxed again and held her breath, a broken second before she was pushed and pulled through the dimensions of open space once more.

Their arrival in front of the Hogwarts grounds became most evident through the immediate rustling of trees, and even before Robin opened her eyes, she had to smile at the familiar smells and sounds that undoubtedly spoke  _ home _ . She blinked, a second of dizziness passing, and wondered if apparating became easier the more often one did it, or if she was simply getting better at it. It didn't matter, not today. A few seconds passed, and she was still holding Snape's hand, but more importantly he was still holding  _ hers  _ as well. 

"Home at last, huh?" Robin smiled up at him, expression soft, warmth in her gaze. "It's been quite a day. One I certainly will never forget."

"Neither will I." He replied in an equal serenity, still keeping his chilled fingers wrapped around hers to the point where Robin  _ wished _ that he was doing it intentionally. But she couldn't let herself believe that. 

She gave his hand a gentle squeeze then, a soft reminder of what he was doing, accompanied by the same positive smile that hopefully covered up the hint of sadness she felt upon doing the right thing. He let go of her in an instant, just like she had thought, but the irritation or at least the neutral facade she had expected never came.

Instead he returned her gaze calmly, and finally quirked an eyebrow at her.

"Do you plan on standing outside the gates all night or are we finally heading towards the castle?" 

Robin frowned at him, but the humor returned to her smile at the same time. "Well, you could get going first yourself if you're so desperate to."

"You've been dragging me through the country all day; you might as well lead me back up the final path now."

"You're right." She smiled, then took a leap of faith by nudging him in the side with her shoulder as she started walking. "C'mon then."

In companionable silence they made their way through the night and up the paths towards the castle, and climbing the hill admittedly took a lot more effort than it usually did, with a full day of hiking already sitting deep in their bones. At least Robin guessed that he must feel the same, going by the way he moved no faster next to her. It thus came as a relief when they crossed the courtyard, walking on even stone towards a place that was full of life at last.

As soon as they stepped into the entrance hall, Robin's eyes fell onto two dark spots sitting on the grand staircase, which jumped into action immediately upon her entry. Her eyes widened for a second, then she couldn't help but smirk a little.

"Robin!!!" Cas squealed in excitement while she skipped ahead towards them, with Jorien following more moderately a few steps behind. "You're back! Took you long enough…"

"Hey guys! What are you doing here?" Robin quirked an eyebrow at them in amusement. "Shouldn't you be  _ at least  _ in the common room at this time?"

"We waited for you." Jorien answered with a shrug, giving Robin a small smile before she looked up at Snape with an insecure frown. "I… I asked Professor McGonagall when you would be back, and she asked Professor Dumbledore, but neither of them knew for sure what exactly you were doing in the first place, so we kinda just… stuck around here after dinner."

"Your intentions do not justify a breach of curfew." Snape returned seriously, but with a calm tone the two younger girls obviously weren't used to. They looked irritated for just a moment, but it sufficed already and his expression immediately turned back into the usual scowl he put on for almost every social interaction. That seemed to be more familiar to them already. "Has nobody seen to it that you return to your dormitories?"

"It's still before nine in the evening!" Cas protested immediately, but her mouth snapped shut when she realized just who she was talking to.

Snape frowned in return, sincerely irritated by the comment as if the concept of time was entirely foreign to him. Robin's smirk widened, for she too had lost every feeling for time long ago. When he turned to look at her in the same confusion, raising an eyebrow at her, she could help but sigh and chuckle at the same time.

"I know. Me too." She said to him, and –paying attention to him like she always did– she didn't miss the corner of his lips twitching upwards for a broken second.

"You too what? Nobody's even said anything." Cas wondered then, disrupting the wordless conversation between Robin and Snape.

"You just didn't hear it, Cas." Robin smiled at the girl then, turning her attention back to her roommates entirely. "We are merely surprised by how early it still is."

"You are?" Jorien frowned at her, then up at Snape a little more carefully, and finally back at Robin.

"Obviously." Snape was quicker to reply, and Jorien's cheeks tinted pink in return.

" _ Really? _ Both of you?" Cas asked in obvious ignorance of her friend's flustered expression as well as Snape's scowl, as she let her gaze flicker from Robin to Snape and back, unsure of who she was addressing with the question in the first place.

"Would you prefer to have it phrased even more easily, Miss Miller, or is the time of night clouding your judgement of who to pester with redundant questions and who  _ clearly  _ not?" 

" _ Either way… _ " Robin intervened in an attempt to save both Snape and the girls from each other right now, giving him a pointed look first before turning to address her roommates once more. "You guys should return to the common room nonetheless, it  _ is _ rather late after all." Only then she checked her watch at last to make sure if her statement even made sense. Quarter to nine… good guess on her part, as it seemed.

"What about you?" Jorien picked up on the attempted rescue immediately, and Robin felt a little proud of her for taking an opportunity when provided with one.

"We still have work to do, so you'll have to go on ahead without me for now. I'd appreciate it if you could take my jacket back to our room though… Just toss it onto my trunk, yes?" Robin raised her eyebrows at the two of them, looking from one to the other while she took off her jacket indeed.

"Sure, will do. We already kinda guessed that we won't get to see you again before we go to bed. So we at least waited here for your return, to make sure you got back to the castle in one piece." Cas sighed heavily, with a crooked smile on her lips.

"That's very kind of you, honestly. I will tell you about today's story tomorrow, alright? After tutoring." Robin smiled back, handing over her jacket to Jorien, who was faster than her friend, just as always.

"I… had also kinda guessed, or rather hoped, that you would forget about tutoring for once." Cas shot Robin an exaggeratedly hopeful smile, a touch apologetic even, as if she already knew that it would be a request in vain.

"Not in this life, and not in the next." Robin smirked in return, feeling actually humored more than offended by the weak attempt to evade tomorrow's lessons. "Tutoring, tomorrow after breakfast."

" _ Alright… _ " Cas groaned, rolling her eyes before she smiled in equal amusement. "Whatever you say,  _ Professor Mitchell _ . See you tomorrow then. Can't wait for the stories of your adventures!" With that, she turned on her heels and tried dragging Jorien off with her, but then simply walked ahead when she wasn't successful at the first attempt.

"Goodnight, Professor." Jorien said, addressing Snape with a polite little nod before turning to Robin with a kind smile. "I'm really glad you're back. Good luck with your work." Then she hurried down the hallway as well, trying to catch up with Cas before she was entirely out of reach. And as much as Robin had grown to love her roommates over time, she couldn't help sighing at the realization that an entire day alone with Snape had been but a glimpse into a perfection she could never have.


	44. Of Dusk and Dawn - Part 10

"Are you actually going to tell them the entire story?" Snape asked curiously once the girls' footsteps had faded entirely, turning to Robin with a not-smirk.

"Nah… I will tell them exactly what they expect to hear. Spells and plants and old castles and spooky dungeons. They have no use for anything that happened in between." Robin shrugged with a sigh, swinging her backpack back over her shoulders now that her jacket was gone.

"Clever." 

"Did you expect anything else?" She smirked, giving him a smug look along with it.

"I wouldn't dare to."

"It seems I've taught you well after all."

"You're insufferable."

"Obviously." Robin laughed, leaning her head to the side and motioning down the hallway. "Let's get the Siazella to Professor Sprout, and the moss to the lab."

"Eager now, are we?" He smirked in return, without even attempting to hide his humor.

"Would be a true pity if I was eager only  _ now. _ " She teased right back, then sighed with a softening smile. "On a serious note, I actually can't wait to be back in our own dungeons. It's been a long day."

"In that case, lead the way."

To their luck, Professor Sprout was still in her office when they reached the greenhouse. It took a minute of explaining what exactly their matter was, but after that the herbology teacher was all smiles and excitement. Robin handed her the flowers, unshrinking them, and while she explained their specifics to the professor, Snape merely listened with a minorly amused and majorly proud expression on his face. 

Robin for her part was surprised by how easily it came to her to talk to Sprout like an equal, which she probably shouldn't be doing, but the herbology professor didn't seem to mind, and actually took on a similarly proud expression to the one Snape displayed. Still, in an attempt not to completely overstep her boundaries, Robin merely stated the facts about the Siazella, carefully giving her own theory about how to best grow them as well, and then let Sprout take it from there. Shortly afterwards they bid their goodnights, agreeing that Robin would come back tomorrow afternoon to check up on the flowers.

When they finally made their way down into the dungeons and towards the lab, Robin felt like she hadn't been down here in ages. Like they had been gone for  _ weeks _ . But it wasn't even ten o'clock in the evening when they finally entered the dark laboratory once again, and thus not even 24 hours since she'd last been in here.

The fire in the fireplace was lit in an instant, as were the candles spread around the room, and sooner rather than later, the room was filled with a soft comfortable light and a pleasant warmth. Robin sighed in contentment when she dropped her backpack onto one of the tables, summoning up the box with the moss while Snape threw his robes over the other table as he usually did. 

"I suggest we do half and half." She mused, pushing the moss into the middle of the table before she also got out her notebook and a pen. "Gives us the widest range of possibilities to work with, in my opinion, but you'll probably know better."

"I agree, actually." He sighed, in tiredness not in annoyance, and went ahead to separate the moss into two piles. "Do you have a specific preserving technique in mind or may I suggest one?"

"No, go right ahead, the choice is all yours. I've done my part for today. The rest is up to you now." Robin smiled, and handed him one of the empty jars from one of the shelves even before he could ask for it. It was an every-day procedure to dry plants, and Robin knew enough about it to be one step ahead already. They would dry half of the moss, and then preserve the other half in whatever way he saw fit.

While Snape took care of the to be dried patch for now, Robin wrote a label for the jar and stuck it onto the glass, then a minute later sorted the finished thing with the moss in it into the shelves with the ingredients. Drying really was easy and fast, no thinking involved. The preservation process however took more effort.

The idea was to place the moss into a larger jar, which then they would fill up with a potion for long term storage. That potion however they needed to make first, and thus they both got started on cutting up the required ingredients. Before long the preparatory work was done however, and all that was left to do was waiting and adding things into the cauldron in the right order and at the right time. So far so good.

After a day out in the cold, the many flames' warmth that now filled the small room soon made Robin feel  _ too  _ warm for once, and she thanked herself for wearing layers that could be taken off individually. Sighing, she stepped over to the side where she wouldn't knock things off the tables, and grabbed the hem of her jumper to pull the thick fabric over her head at last. What she unfortunately hadn't considered was that the t-shirt she wore underneath was a loose fit. And that said t-shirt would ride up along with the jumper. 

At first she didn't even take notice of the situation, but when she simultaneously heard a small gasp from off to the side and felt the direct heat of the fireplace in front of her brushing against the skin of her stomach, the situation became abundantly clear with a start. Her arms snapped back down to her sides in an instant, while an unstoppable heat rose to her face. Oh bloody hell… If anyone could be more awkward, she didn't know how. At least she was facing the fireplace, squeezing her eyes shut and clenching her jaw, and not looking at Snape who was standing a few steps to her side, and that was the only reason why she could suppress the burning embarrassment enough to make another attempt at shedding her jumper. Holding her t-shirt down, this time around. 

Then she took a deep breath to fight the heat on her face, dropping the stupid piece of clothing into the corner she was facing, and finally turned around as if nothing at all had happened. That usually worked well with him, just pretending that certain things hadn't even happened. But as it seemed, she wasn't so lucky this time.

Snape stared at her in a mixture of embarrassment and discomfort, but mostly in concern and surprise. Definitely not what Robin had expected… annoyance, disgust, indifference perhaps… but why on earth did he look so worried?!

"Is, uh… Is everything alright?" She asked with a small frown and a slightly too high pitched voice while crossing her arms over her chest for a moment. But she just couldn't stop fidgeting and thus she went to trace the scar on her neck with her fingers once again. At least she was wearing a rather pretty lacy bra and not one of those granny ones…  _ as if that would make it any better! _ She suppressed the urge to roll her eyes at herself. Her brain did weird things when tired.

"Your side." He finally said with a very much concerned frown. "It seems that your fall did leave a mark after all."

"What?" Now Robin frowned as well, glad to abandon the awkward situation so very quickly even if in replacement for a confusing one. 

"You promised you were fine, and yet your entire right side obviously is not." He explained pointedly, and Robin's eyebrows rose in surprise. Before she could think better of it, she took a glimpse at the damage, and indeed, her entire right rib cage as well as what she saw of her hip was starting to colour deep violet.  _ Oh great… _

"I promised that I  _ believe _ I'm fine, which is the truth. I'm feeling perfectly alright, actually. This looks far worse than it really is." She said when she looked back up at Snape with a small shrug. "It doesn't even hurt. I wouldn't have noticed had you not pointed it out."

He kept frowning at her, but the look of betrayal vanished from his face at least, and Robin wondered once again if he had always been so very concerned about her wellbeing. Perhaps she was seeing more of it now because they actually were something like friends at this point. The thought made her smile, and her smile in return finally got him to stop frowning.

"If you say so." He mused, moving around the table in time to add the next ingredient to their potion. "You would tell me if you ever found yourself being any less than fine, wouldn't you?"

"Of course I would." Robin replied sincerely, giving him another smile that hopefully didn't reveal just how touched she felt by his words. Maybe it was the overwhelming tiredness that was slowly taking a hold of not only her body but her mind as well, but she felt incredibly cared for in that moment. In a way she hadn't ever before, with no one else before. 

"Good."

"I know you won't, but…" She said then, halting in her movement of picking up her notebook from the edge of the table, "Just know that it goes both ways, yes? You can talk to me about anything at all, should you ever find yourself not repelled by the idea. I'm right here."

He froze for a moment, in the same way he had back in the study when Robin had told him that his presence was comforting to her, but soon enough this tension melted away again and he returned her gaze in the same way as always. "I know. Thank you."

"Anytime." 

Smiling, and perhaps a bit surprised at how easily he had accepted her words, Robin grabbed her notebook and then sat down on the ground by the fireplace, sighing deeply. Sitting at last; what a wonderful feeling. While waiting for the potion, she might as well start noting down the minor alterations she had to make to her theory after today's excursion. Five minutes of scribbling down quick notes and small reminders of what she would still need to look up later however, she started to yawn. Once, twice, five times, eight times… until the words on the parchment in front of her started swimming together suspiciously. Sighing, she placed the notebook down by her side. Geez, she was tired… the day truly had taken its toll. Her eyelids felt heavy as lead, and her head was almost too heavy to keep upright.

"Tell me something." She yawned again, looking over to Snape who had sat down at the table with an equally tired expression. "Anything. Please… I'm falling asleep."

"Perhaps you should retire to your room then."

"And leave you to do the work and suffer alone? Hell no!"

"You truly are too stubborn for your own good." He sighed, but quite obviously was too tired to argue with her. "Ask me something then, if you want me to talk."

"Alright…" Robin chewed on her bottom lip for a moment, trying to think of a question that would be appropriate and not all too teasing for once. They both were too tired for that. "Why do you always wear black? I mean…  _ only  _ black."

"Habit."

"And how did that habit develop?" She rolled her eyes, stifling another yawn.

"As a student, I eventually took to wearing black whenever I could because it was easier to hide the blood stains." 

Now that got Robin's honest attention, and she frowned up at him in surprised concern. "What? Why on earth was that something you had to worry about?"

"I wasn't as fortunate as to get rid of my tormentors like you did, before… matters degenerated." He replied in a surprising amount of honesty, especially since it obviously wasn't an easy topic for him. "Perhaps I simply wasn't as adept back then as you have proven to be."

"I…" She didn't know what to say. Nothing she could say would change the past, nor would her pity do anything but embarrass them both. "Perhaps I was just lucky enough to have you to help me, that's more like it. I am everything but adept at dealing with people."

"You seem to be doing just fine with your roommates. They undoubtedly adore you."

"Yeah, but I'm their  _ adult  _ friend, as they like to call it. A big sister. Not an equal." She sighed, and rubbed her eyes to perhaps get her eyelids to stay open a little while longer. "It doesn't matter, I appreciate them and they appreciate me. We're good. Tell me something else. Something funny."

"I'm hardly the person to ask in that regard."

"I have absolutely no idea what you mean by that." Robin grinned to herself lazily. "You're the funniest person I know. Your humour just takes a while to understand."

"And you believe to understand it?" He quirked an eyebrow at her in amusement.

" _ Obviously _ ." She replied with a smirk, upon which he just had to return the very same gesture. "You always tell me serious stories. Tell me a funny one for once."

"I would rather drown myself in a cauldron."

"Oh come on… I insist."

"Fine." He was surprisingly quick to give in and yield to her request, and Robin felt affirmed in her suspicion that he had never truly meant to decline her in the first place. A warm rush of pride welled up in her chest, and a smile came to her face as he spoke on. "What have you heard about the man who I superseded as potions professor at this school?"

"Not much. Actually, I don't even remember his name… something odd which reminded me of snails."

"Close enough; His name is Horace Slughorn. A peculiar man, with a rather twisted idea of making himself important in a carefully woven net of dependency and liabilities. Either way, he had a way of picking favorites. Students who excelled in classes, who had a promising future ahead of them in a field he deemed profitable for himself, or who simply were born into influential families. He hosted various festivities for those individuals, which I can assure you were dreadfully mindless and generally far more interesting for those not invited. Logically, the ones  _ not  _ in his favor did not take particularly well to the exclusivity of his attention and assistance. Which, precisely, is why at one point in my sixth year, a few students decided to mess with him. They brewed a decent enough Veritaserum after stumbling upon the recipe, and poured it into his tea just before potions class one day. It was pure chaos. He had to lock himself in his office until the effect had worn off, or he might just have spilled all of his plans and secrets to the prying ears and eyes of his students. I still remember the horrified look on his face when he realized he could speak nothing but the truth… I believe he always carried an antidote with him after that day."

"I can very well imagine. Just fabulous…" Robin chuckled, having closed her eyes halfway through the story when they had become too painful, too heavy to keep open. "I assume you were part of the group of students he favored?"

"Unfortunately. We weren't particularly fond of each other though."

"You were the one who gave those students who pranked him the recipe for the Veritaserum, weren't you?"

"I will never admit to such a thing." He replied after a second of silence, pointedly innocently, and Robin had to smirk. She'd definitely caught him right there.

"That  _ was  _ a fun story, by the way." She said instead, yawning again. "I enjoyed hearing it, thank you. Isn't it, the time for the… uh… next thing in the… in the potion now?"

"Indeed. Would you like to or shall I?"

"Feel free to. Don't even remember..." Robin mumbled, unable to open her eyes or lift a single finger at this point. Even talking seemed too much of a hassle now that her mind was barely still awake. The warmth of the fireplace to her right was making her drowsy more and more, and the soft bubbling of the potion, a comforting rhythmic pattern, was only adding to it. 

And then there was Snape's voice, muttering under his breath about something she couldn't make out clearly, which was wrapping around her senses like a calming blanket of safety and comfort. Just like that, his voice was what finally pulled her over into the realm of sleep.

… … … 

A soft rustling of fabrics, a quiet mewl. Warmth. Labored breathing. The sizzling of a dying fire. Movement.

Robin's eyes fluttered open for a broken second, lids still heavy and unwilling, and she dug her face deeper into the scratchy fabric balled up beneath her head. The sounds that had woken her up reached her ears again, and she shifted on the hard ground, hugging the fabrics wrapped around her even more tightly. That smell… it was so familiar. So comforting.

Her eyes fluttered open once more upon a new crackling close by, and they stayed open at last. The things she was feeling, was noticing, were starting to make sense at last, as her tired mind processed her surroundings. She was lying on the ground in the laboratory, close to the fireplace that was barely even lit at this point. Her jumper had been placed beneath her head as a pillow, and she found herself wrapped up in a cloud of black fabric. The colour, the smell… her mind filled with impressions of Snape. Her heart skipped a beat, and she couldn't help hugging his robes even more tightly around herself.  _ Good gods…  _ she felt overwhelmed with love and affection in an instant.

A sharp intake of breath, a barely audible whine. She wasn't alone.

Robin turned onto her other side upon the sound, urging her tried muscles to function for the small movement at least. The laboratory was mostly dark, filled with silver moonlight more than with the dying fire's golden glow. She first spotted the large jar high above her on the table further down in the room, filled to the brim with a bluish liquid and the almost black moss at the bottom. Her heart squeezed together for a second; he'd finished the potion, finished their work for her. Relief and thankfulness took over her mind for a moment, crawling through the tiredness into her cocktail of unsuppressed emotions.

Then her eyes fell onto something far more interesting, and she couldn't help but stare with every speckle of awe she found within herself. She really wasn't alone after all. Not far away from her, the faint light that had lingered illuminated the sleeping form of none other than the potions' master himself. Robin held her breath for a few long seconds, observing his distressed expression, the subtle movements of his closed eyes, the frown on his face.

He must've been leaning against the shelf on the wall behind him before falling asleep, just like she had hours ago… Now however he was lying on the ground as well, his head resting on his arm while the other was stretched out into the open space in front of him. His dark hair was splayed out on the stone beneath him like black rivers, always the contrast to his pale skin, especially in the soft silver moonlight. Robin couldn't help being inevitably and utterly mesmerized. This was the person she was in love with, the person she  _ did _ love so very much, and she had never been prouder of her heart for that judgement.

And yet, when he made another heartbreaking sound that might be born of pain or fear alike, Robin found herself more lost than ever in return. He must be dreaming, tormented by his own mind, and as much as she yearned to, there was absolutely nothing she could do about it. At least nothing that he would not behead her for once he woke up. Well, that wasn't true… she could simply wake him up in this instant. She  _ should  _ wake him up,  _ should _ return to her room and he to his. But what difference would it make if he was having nightmares here with her or alone in another place? The thought pained her no less, rather more even. No, she wouldn't wake him up, wouldn't leave him alone. But she also couldn't watch him suffering, not if there was a chance that she could –perhaps– make it better in another way.

Robin took a deep breath, pushing past her nerves and worries, and finally scooted herself closer to him. Not much, not enough to be  _ next _ to him entirely… but enough so that when she stretched her arm out towards him as well, her fingertips touched his. She would never dare to be so bold as to hold his hand, not now, not like this, but the light touch of her fingers resting against his would be alright for the moment. For both their comfort. 

For a moment, Robin focused on the lingering touch, focused on letting her own calm and comfort ebb through her and carry over to him from there. After a while, the frown on his face eased up and his breathing slowed down in accordance, to the point where he almost looked entirely at ease. Without the mountains of facades, Robin couldn't help marveling at how vulnerable he looked. Almost like that one time, that one moment a long time ago… she indeed had never forgotten that look of rawness and intensity on his face. Neither would she forget this one now.

Even though he looked so peaceful now, Robin kept her hand right where it was when she closed her eyes once more. They would both move away eventually, long before morning… he would never need to know. But she would grant herself this one dream, this one time of falling asleep next to him. Even if that happened to be two arms' length apart.

… … …

When the heavy cloud of sleep lifted from her mind again, and she slowly rose from the deepest unawareness, the first thing Robin noticed was something warm by her side. Without thinking, she instinctively tried to curl around it, savouring every bit of warmth she could gain.

"Robin…" 

She hummed in return, smiling softly at the familiar voice, but didn't move in the slightest. Her mind was at perfect ease, telling her that she was right where she needed to be.

" _ Robin… _ " He repeated more loudly, and she did wake up just enough to notice that he couldn't make himself sound as annoyed as he was obviously trying to. "Wake up now, will you?"

Finally she opened her eyes, and once she realized that she had curled around  _ Snape _ in her still half asleep state, she sat up immediately and pushed herself to an appropriate distance.

"I, uh… Sorry for… that." She croaked out, pushing her hair out of her face as she stifled a yawn. 

"Good morning to you too." He merely replied, quirking an eyebrow at her in subtle amusement. "It really is ridiculously difficult to wake you up."

"Perhaps you're just doing it wrong." She replied before she could help it, but once the heat rose to her head half a second later, she hid her face in her hands. "Ugh, my brain isn't fully awake yet. I'm so sorry… again."

"Don't be. I find it rather amusing, to be honest."

"You do?" Robin frowned at him in mild doubt while he rose to his feet with a surprising grace for… whatever time it was. All she knew was that rays of sunshine were falling through the small window by now, creating soft illusions on the stones beneath her.

"Obviously." He answered with a small smirk, which Robin could barely see as he walked over to the other side of the small room.

"Thank you for finishing up the potion last night, by the way, even though I imagine you must've been rather tired as well. And thank you for staying, instead of just leaving me here. I hope you at least slept well, despite the cold floor, and, well, my presence." She finally said with a surprisingly insecure chuckle, while she also rose to her feet, picked up his robes that had slipped off her shoulders, and then straightened out her own clothes after placing the bunch of black fabric on the table.

"Indeed, unusually well even. The ground was a nuisance…" He mused, then added more quietly, "But your presence was not."

"That's… good." Robin found herself smiling down at the ground for a moment, then finally remembered how to human and moved to pick up her jumper. "I did sleep well too, actually, but I'm still way too tired."

"Likewise. However, we are already more than fashionably late for breakfast, and I believe you have made an appointment for after the meal."

" _ Right _ …" Robin sighed, closing her eyes for a moment, before she tied her jumper around her hips instead of putting it back on. "Perhaps I should just skip breakfast and go change before tutoring."

"I would prefer for you to have a decent meal for once. An apple and a candy bar hardly count in that regard." 

"Well,  _ you  _ won't stand out negativity, looking just like any other day, with your same outfit as always! But people might actually  _ notice  _ that I didn't spend the night in my own room if I'm looking like yesterday's messier version." She protested, then tied her hair into a ponytail to give her fidgeting hands something to do. It would at least help with the mess her hair had turned into overnight.

"If I remember correctly, nobody saw you yesterday other than your roommates and Pomona. As for her, she usually cannot even remember having prepared herself a cup of tea five minutes after making it. And as for the former, I believe you have quite the authority over them. Simply do what you do best."

"Which would be?" 

"Playing their game by your own rules. Outsmart them; you are quite brilliant at that."

"I don't know… doesn't change the fact that I probably look like a scarecrow." Robin sighed, but she had to agree that an actual meal sounded  _ amazing  _ right now. And she did see his point in it as well.

"You look perfectly fine, Robin. Stop worrying over nothing." He replied while he placed his robes back over his shoulders like he so often did, but this time it made Robin's heart skip a beat. How did he mind so ironically little that she'd been wrapped up in it all night?! It was as if he'd forgotten about it, or perhaps he simply didn't care. He didn't seem bothered by it in the slightest either way.

Thus she picked up her remaining things, stuffing the notebook and pen into her backpack, and then followed him out of the lab a moment later. They made their way up to the great hall quickly, in companionable and mostly tired silence, until they parted for the first time in over a day before entering the hall. Robin went in through the main doors, Snape through the one to the side that was closer to the head table. 

The very moment Robin sat down next to Cas and across from Jorien, she knew that this conversation wouldn't be as easy as Snape had made it seem. She'd been gone the entire night…  _ obviously  _ they would be curious!

"Hey there, stranger." Jorien greeted her first, with a small smirk on her face. The girls had finished eating for the most part already, while Robin just now got started to pile foods onto her plate. 

"Hey guys…" She sighed with a small smile she just couldn't get rid of. "Ready for some tutoring after breakfast?"

"Oh no, we're not doing that." Cas intervened immediately, staring at Robin with a smug smile on her face. "We are not talking about us until you spill where you've been all night. And don't even try to tell me you came back to our room in the meantime, because I know you didn't."

"No, you're absolutely right, I didn't come back to our room last night." Robin shrugged with feigned ease, taking a bite of her toast. "I was in the lab. We worked on a potion that felt like it might very well take forever, even though it wasn't particularly complex. When I think about the preparations, my legs hurt just from the memory of standing at that table for ages... But anyway, all is finished by now, and I'm left feeling very much tired."

Both girls seemed sincerely surprised by Robin's easy and honest reply, and that was exactly what Robin had counted on. If she just pretended that it wasn't a big deal, that she was happy to share all those irrelevant details, they would lose interest without realizing the extent of matters she  _ wasn't _ telling them.

"So you were just in the lab with Snape all night?" Cas sighed, and once Robin nodded with an innocent expression, her sigh turned into a groan. "How boring is that! I was hoping for something unusual… a secretly passionate romance with a handsome prince, or seeing as it's  _ you  _ we're talking about, at least some kind of adventure. Not just an all-nighter, and the same old."

"I think both Snape and I had enough adventure throughout the day yesterday… We were glad to be back in the lab with the 'same old' as you call it." Robin shrugged it off, enjoying the scrambled eggs even though they had long gone cold and soggy. But any food was good food right now.

"I think you're the first person to ever spend more than 24 hours in a row with Snape,  _ happily _ ." Jorien snickered, and Robin let her eyes flicker to the head table for a second, only to see Snape looking as indifferent as ever while he was talking to McGonagall. Actually, McGonagall rather was talking to him for the majority of it. Robin smiled at the sight, and then turned her attention back to her roommates.

"I think she's the first person who  _ survived  _ more than 24 hours with him!" Cas snorted in return, lazily swirling pumpkin juice around her glass. "I don't know how you do it, Robin… Two hours per  _ week _ is quite enough for me."

"You're getting it all wrong, guys… He survived 24 hours with  _ me _ . That's the real challenge." Robin smirked at them with a wink, and both girls laughed.

"Well, there's no disagreeing with that. Especially when you're being so very strict about literally everything! Do you still insist on tutoring after breakfast?"

"Obviously."


	45. Of Dusk and Dawn - Part 11

It was that time of the year again before Robin knew. As always, christmas had approached fast and suddenly rather than steadily, but the festive spirit had been long evident throughout the entire month of December. The holidays this year looked a little different than usual though; Cas had been asked by a fifth year student to attend the new year's ball with him, upon which she spontaneously had decided to stay at Hogwarts over the holidays. Robin had offered to take Jorien to the ball as her plus one, but the girl had decided to just go home as planned. So it was just Cas and Robin who would attend the ball this year.

Honestly, Robin felt weary of the boy who had asked Cas out. He seemed nice enough at the first glance, but something about him was ringing an alarm bell in the back of her mind. Cas obviously didn't care about Robin's words of warning, saying how  _ she _ at least had a date for the ball, which probably should've hurt Robin more than it did. After this rather uncomfortable conversation however, she had decided to keep her concerns to herself, but an eye on Cas nonetheless. She didn't want her to get hurt, not even by something that, to her, was so ridiculously irrelevant as teenage drama. Because she knew that to Cas, it wasn't irrelevant at all.

The last day of the year came, and before long Robin thanked herself for actually bothering to invest in a dress this year. And she foremost thanked herself for having the endurance last summer to actually make an effort and not just get the first best one in Diagon Alley, which would've merely been a differently coloured version of what pretty much all of the other girls wore (with a few honorable exceptions, of course). No, Robin had made the decision to go with her own taste rather than the attempt to fit in, and she still stood behind it to the fullest. 

Cas on the other hand had about five different dresses lying on her bed and was desperate to pick one, which did not even come as a surprise to Robin. The girl's love for fashion had exploded rather than faded, and while Robin had no idea why Cas had packed so many pretty dresses  _ unaware  _ that she would be attending the ball, it also didn't particularly surprise her. 

"You should wear the dark blue one." Robin commented from her seat on her own bed, while she unsuccessfully tried to untangle her hair. "It reminds me of the nightsky. And who doesn't love the night?"

"Most people don't, actually." Cas sighed in exaggerated despair. "I was thinking about the peach coloured one with the ruffles."

"You're the fashion guru." Robin shrugged. "But I think darker colours are more classy. And the ball is  _ very  _ classy, most of the time. Or trying to be anyway."

"Classy or stuffy?" 

"A bit of both, perhaps. Foremost, it is entirely what you make of it."

"In that case, I'll wear the peach coloured one." Cas decided with a more or less determined expression. "What about you? We're gonna be late if you don't get started at once!"

"Well,  _ I  _ don't have an entire wardrobe of dresses to pick between. I showered and sorted out my hair; I'll literally be done within five minutes from this point on." 

"What about makeup? What about hairstyles?! What about  _ shoes _ ?!" Cas asked in return, incredulous about Robin's lack of enthusiasm about these things. "Seriously, aren't you gonna make any effort at all?"

"As you said, I don't have a date anyway. Nobody expects me to make an effort." Robin shrugged in return, unbothered by her roommate's comments. "And since you obviously didn't see me for the last few years, I will kindly let you know that putting on an actual dress this year IS me making an effort."

"I cannot believe you. I just  _ cannot  _ believe you…" Cas rolled her eyes as she muttered to herself, but then went ahead to get ready herself and leave Robin reading on her bed in peace for the next hour and a half. That's how long it took Cas to go through all of her extensive preparations and procedures, and Robin thought it was admirable how much effort she put into this indeed. 

Finally, twenty minutes before the ball would begin and while Cas was  _ still  _ in the bathroom making 'last minute' adjustments to her colorful eye makeup, Robin got up from her bed with a sigh, put her book down and dug her dress out of her trunk at last. Like most things she bought these days, it was almost entirely black, but for the silver ornamentations and spiky flowers sewed onto the shoulders. Everything from the waist down was flowing black fabric, as was the long pieces that attached to the shoulders instead of sleeves, billowing down the arms like a backless cape. That precisely was also what made it difficult to put on, without stepping onto the piles of fabric that however barely brushed the ground once she pulled it up. The neckline came in high at the sides, almost high enough to cover up her scar, while the front was curved into a low V shape, that had always reminded Robin of spades. The solid black of the simple corset made up for the detailing on the shoulders and the heavy billowing fabrics of the skirt, and its snug fit and the thick fabric were comforting rather than confining to her. For once, Robin actually felt powerful through wearing a mere piece of clothing. And while perhaps she might not fit in with the other students, she definitely would with the professors. 

"Bloody hell!" Cas suddenly exclaimed, and Robin jumped in return, twirling around to face the girl who spoke on in the meanwhile. "How  _ dare  _ you looking that gorgeous?!"

Robin's face heated up in an instant, and even though it was Cas she was talking to, she couldn't help being flustered. "Uh, thanks, I guess."

"I mean, I still stand with my statement that you shouldn't wear so much black, but good gracious… that dress is a piece of art. And it just screams 'Robin' to me, so you actually did pick well for once!"

"Don't sound so surprised." Robin rolled her eyes, while she had to smile nonetheless. "But thank you anyway. I wanted to look like myself tonight, and not like I dressed up as someone I'm not."

"But dressing up as someone you're not for one night is the entire point of it!" Cas replied with a grin, then dimmed it down to a smile. "But I understand you, and I think you look exactly like yourself. Just more beautiful than usual."

"Thanks…" Robin scoffed in humour, torn between sarcasm and honesty, and thus settled for both. " _ Again. _ "

"So tell me, who do you wanna impress with that dress?" Cas quirked an eyebrow at Robin, smirking while she observed her closely. "And don't tell me no one, because I know you, and you wouldn't have made an effort just for yourself."

"Everyone." Robin answered instead, deeming it just as not-saying as 'no one'. Meanwhile, she tried to find a place to store her wand, which was turning out to be an actual problem now. No sleeves, no _ real  _ sleeves at least, and no hemlines or pockets. Great. Then however an idea struck her, and in no time she had twisted her hair up into a bun, which she could easily fixate with her wand indeed. Two problems solved with one action, wonderful. 

"I cannot believe you just did that." Cas commented on Robin's action in an instant. "And I cannot believe that it actually looks  _ good!  _ I spent an hour doing my hair, and you just… use your wand like a hair accessory within two bloody seconds."

Robin sighed in return, but she had to smile once again at Cas and her view of the world. "Your hair looks a million times better, believe me. I'm not trying to look good, I'm only trying to look acceptable while being functional. That's a difference."

"If you say so…" Cas sighed, and the two girls finally started making their way up to the great hall. "Coming back to my question though; who do you  _ really  _ want to impress? Is it that boy who's sitting next to you in Professor Morgan's class since recently?"

"Alexander? God no!" Robin snorted, shaking her head to herself while she actually enjoyed striding through the hallways quite so elegantly for once. "If you must know, I'm not trying to impress someone, but to prove a point to someone."

"Uuh!" Cas squealed quietly, skipping in her steps next to Robin in glee. "To whom? And which point?"

"You would do well to focus on your own date for now. Where did he want to meet you again?"

"Just outside the hall. You won't scare him off, Robin, will you? I know you don't like him, but he's really cool and so are his friends, and I don't wanna be the stupid third year whose big sister has to watch over her."

"You won't even notice me tonight, unless you need me. Good?"

"Yes. Thank you." Cas smiled, then took a deep breath while her smile widened even more. "I'm actually going to the ball! With a cute boy! Can you believe it?! I've waited for this moment for months!!!"

"I hope tonight is everything you dreamt of." Robin replied with a small smile, but it was tainted by concern no less. Just shortly before they reached the last crossing before the great hall, she turned to Cas once more. "Don't get into trouble, and don't do anything stupid. I don't want to find you drunk in our bathroom later or anything of that sort."

"Yes,  _ professor. _ " Cas rolled her eyes exaggeratedly, but gave Robin a small hug nonetheless, before she skipped ahead and towards wherever she would meet her date.

Robin decided to give Cas a little while at least, to spare her the embarrassment of arriving with her watchdog indeed. When she finally did make her way into the great hall, she was barely still on time, with two more minutes to go until the festivities would begin. The very moment she entered the hall, a few more eyes were drawn to her than in the last years, but not enough to make her feel observed. At least Robin didn't  _ notice  _ enough eyes on her to feel like people were actually paying attention to her. In an instant, she moved to stand off to the side and let her eyes trail over the crowds in the search for her own company.

"Looking for something?" Snape's voice was so close behind her that Robin jumped for the second time that evening _ , _ but then turned around to him with a smile. The very moment she did, she believed to see a glimpse of sincere awe flashing through his eyes, but she might as well be mistaken. She probably was, unfortunately. It might just be the candles and some wishful thinking.

"Looking for  _ someone _ ." She smiled up at him in amusement. "But it seems that someone found me first."

"How very fortunate for you." He replied with a not-smirk, as much of it as he would show in public at least, and his gaze flickered over her garments for just a second before returning to her eyes. "Did you have to choose black?"

"Obviously." She smirked, feeling highly amused by his difficulty to show a suitable reaction to her choice of outfit.

"It suits you."

Now, that she hadn't expected, but she appreciated it nonetheless as her smirk turned into a smile. "Thank you."

"How… came the change in your choice of attire for tonight's event?"

"You complained last year that I was wearing the same thing I wore to the conference the summer before." Robin shrugged, observing his almost uncertain expression. "Thought I'd prove to you that I can look nice too, when I actually try."

"You didn't need to." He mused, but before Robin could give a reply, both their attention was drawn to the front of the room where Dumbledore was getting started with his welcoming speech.

Robin turned towards the front to at least pretend to listen, and a few seconds later she noticed the gentle hand that came to rest on the small of her back. She had to smile in an instant, glancing up at Snape out of the corners of her eyes, but he was looking towards the front as neutrally and indifferently as always, always the contrast to his lingering touch. Oh, how she had missed this.

… … … 

As soon as the possibility had come up, Snape and Robin had moved back into their usual corner and to their usual table. For a good two hours they stayed sitting there like always, in their usual habit of gossiping and teasing, until at last the inevitable happened, the one thing Robin had indeed seen coming all along.

With the saddest face in history, Cas came approaching them with an expression showing precisely that she was barely able to keep her tears from spilling over. Robin's immediate line of thought went along the path of 'told you so', but she frowned it away and out of her mind, and instead jumped to her feet in honest concern. 

"I'll be back in a second." She said to Snape, who nodded in return, then she went to meet Cas a few steps further down the wall. They weren't technically out of sight, but out of earshot at least. "What happened?" 

"As if that would be so hard to guess." Cas replied with a scoff, crossing her arms over her chest but making herself so small at the same time that it appeared more as a gesture of holding herself together than defiance. Robin simply went ahead and hugged her then, out of an impulse, and Cas immediately clung onto her in return. "You were right… He's an asshole."

"What did he do?" Robin asked softly, drawing reassuring circles on her friend's back, while on the inside however, she felt furious. Whatever that boy had done, he would pay for making Cas cry. Even if it was just teenage drama, Robin wasn't having it tonight. Or perhaps she just needed a deserving victim for her own annoyance at Cas for not listening to her any earlier.

"He and his two stupid friends wanted to go and hang out somewhere else, somewhere more interesting than here and 'have a little fun'. I said I didn't want to, so they just made fun of me for being such a prudish child and dreadfully boring. Then they just laughed at me and Jos said he should never have asked me to the ball." She mumbled into Robin's shoulder, and only a few seconds later she looked up at her again. "I'm not boring, am I?"

"Not at all." Robin replied with a small smile. "I'm very proud of you for not letting them drag you into something you didn't want to do."

"It's not even that I'm scared to do something forbidden… I couldn't care less, honestly, unless it's something  _ really _ bad. But I just want to stay here for a while, you know… to enjoy the ball. I like the ball." Cas shrugged, still looking sad about it. "No need to insult me for that, right?"

"Nothing gives them the right to insult you at all." Robin replied pointedly, then let her eyes trail over the room for a second before turning back to Cas. "Did they leave already?"

"No… they wanted to find some other people first who would actually be willing to go with them for their private party." The girl scoffed, pushing her hair behind her ear with a bit more confidence already. "Why?"

"I should have a little talk with Jos, and with his friends as well if needed." Robin stated in a dangerous calm, then started pulling Cas along, back towards her table. Without making much fuss about it, she sat Cas down next to Snape. "Wait here, yes? I'll be right back."

"You don't have to, Robin, really, it's-..."

"Yes, I do have to." She replied calmly, ignoring both Cas' insecure look and Snape's mildly irritated one, and then turned on her heel to find the boy in question. They really needed to have a talk; no one mistreated or ridiculed her friends.

Jos really wasn't too difficult to find, his group of friends practically entertained the entire section of the room. 'Cool and popular' Cas had said… more like 'jocks and jerks'. Robin approached him without slowing down, and even though the boy was only a fifth year, he was a good head taller than her. That didn't intimidate her in the least however, and while being surrounded by so many people, so many  _ strangers, _ would've made her nervous in any other situation, it did not do so now. She was on a mission, and somehow her body seemed to understand that. 

"Jos?" She merely asked in a cold calm tone once she stood facing the boy.

"Uh, yeah? That would be me." He quirked an eyebrow down at her in amusement, while his pals nudged him in the sides with utterly pathetic grins. "The one and only."

"I thought so." Robin returned, then didn't waste a second to follow her impulses once again. The thing about physically strong people was that they usually spent ridiculously little time guarding their minds. Thus it was but an effortless thought on Robin's part, and she was in his mind, staring him down at the same time while he stumbled backwards against a table, then slumped down on the bench behind his legs. She felt his mind trying to lock her out, but it was a pathetic attempt at the most, and thus she went ahead to give him a very clear visual of what would happen to him should he ever dare to say a single bad word about Cas again, in her presence or not. After half a minute of this the boy was a terrified mess, half sitting and half sprawled out on the bench, looking up at Robin with teary eyes while she withdrew from his mind at last. Then she turned to his gawking friends, who hadn't even  _ tried  _ to help their pal.

"Would anyone else like to know what happens when you mess with the wrong people?" She asked politely, and five people shook their heads immediately. As much as she wanted to smirk at that, she kept her face neutral. "Great. Have a nice evening."

Without waiting for their reactions, she turned around once more and made her way through the hall and back towards her own table, feeling her confidence fade the moment she was out of their sight. Geez… she really shouldn't have done that. All those years she'd been doing her best to stand above such impulsive behaviour, and here she was now, mildly torturing a lower year. Letting off steam on other people.  _ Great job, idiot _ . Perhaps it was the dress that gave her the illusion of too much power. Perhaps it was Snape's company.

"And? How did it go?" Cas asked the very second Robin approached them, and the girl luckily looked a lot more like herself already. Not sad and small anymore, but excited and almost happy again, and Robin found that this was what had made her own uncharacteristic behavior worth it in the end. To see her friends happy, she would gladly go against her higher standards.

"I made him cry." Robin sighed in resignation, and sat down on the bench in between Cas and Snape. "It was a very wrong thing to do though, so don't take it as an example. A negative one, perhaps."

"I don't care if it was wrong, you made him cry for me and that's awesome." Cas grinned, then almost knocked Robin off the bench with a tight hug. "Thank you! I really should have listened to you earlier…"

"It's nothing, really. But yes, you should have." Robin huffed in amusement, even though she still felt mildly concerned about the entire 'revenge leads to more revenge' thing. But she hadn't seen any speckle of that in Jos' mind, so perhaps it really wasn't an issue for once. Not when it was about something so minor, with somebody so imbecilic.

"Uhm, sorry to, uh… to interrupt…" A foreign voice drew Robin's attention to a blond curly haired boy she couldn't remember seeing before, and Cas followed suit while she let go of Robin. The boy obviously seemed unsettled either by Snape or Robin, perhaps by both of them, for he only glanced at them nervously from time to time and otherwise focused on Cas entirely. "I, uh… I couldn't help noticing what my idiot classmates said to you, and well… I just wanted to ask if you were alright?"

Cas blushed a deep crimson, and Robin had to subtly nudge her in the side eventually to remind her that she could speak. "Uh, yeah, I… Thank you. That's… very nice of you to ask."

Robin could practically feel how Snape rolled his eyes at the scene, but she was also very much aware of the fact that he was still here despite everything that had happened in the past minutes. She couldn't help nudging him in the side as well, smirking, and he gave her a glare in return. Robin smiled even more.

"Would you… uh, would you care for a dance perhaps? With me, I mean? I could try to cheer you up with my horrible dancing skills and ridiculous jokes." The blonde boy finally got out with a crooked smile, and Cas nodded immediately. Then she gave Robin a questioning look, but she just motioned for her to go ahead already. Thus, within seconds, Cas and the boy vanished in the crowd. 

"I have never seen something more pathetic in my entire life." Snape finally remarked dryly, and Robin had to snort at the comment. It was absolutely only for show, and she knew that just as well as him.

"Oh come on, I think it was adorable." She replied with a smirk. "I feel a lot better about this one than that prick she came here with."

"You are aware that I missed the important bits of the conversation, yes?"

"I know." Robin sighed, then turned to him to explain. "Fifth year, straight brown hair, very tall, called Jos. Might be a nickname though. You know him?"

"Yes. I could've told you from the start that he is a complete dunderhead."

"I for my part knew that from the start as well, but Cas didn't want to believe me when I told her. Either way, he asked her to the ball, she had high hopes, but then he and his friends made fun of her, right before she came here. So much for the pre-story." Robin sighed again, her smile faltering. "Then I did something stupid and very much unlike me. I went over there and basically bashed him in the head with a few pictures strategically placed in his mind, of what I would do to him if he kept on being an arse."

"So that's what got him to shiver in fear at the mere sight of you." Snape mused with a not-smirk, and Robin was twice surprised in return.

"You saw that?" She asked first of all, frowning.

"I did indeed. Most of it, at least."

"And you're not disappointed? Not even telling me how idiotic that was? How imbecile and irresponsible and redundant?" She added the second question right on, and part of her hoped that he would do just what she'd said, and part of her hoped for the opposite. "You've been telling me since first year how stupid impulsive reactions like this are!"

"Why would I need to tell you something you are already well aware of?" He quirked an eyebrow at her, but upon her defeated expression, he finally sighed as well. "Sometimes we do a wrong thing for the right reasons. You defended someone you care about. I doubt that could even be considered wrong in the first place."

"And using legilimency on lower years? How are you going to justify that?"

"I won't, that certainly was wrong by any means. But I enjoyed watching it nonetheless." He said with another not-smirk, which finally got Robin to smile as well. "You certainly know how to intimidate people. It's quite impressive."

"I learned from the very best." She replied with a smirk, and he rolled his eyes in return, while his own smile still lingered on his lips.

They just kept on chatting for a while then, the incident soon forgotten and insignificant, and before long things returned to normal.  _ Almost _ normal, for they were left sitting closer together than ever after Cas had left, shoulders almost touching now, heat brushing against the bare skin of Robin's arms when her robe sleeves moved out of the way. She knew that he must take notice of the closeness as well, of her shoulder gently brushing against his arm from time to time whenever she moved, and yet he didn't move away at all. The thought made her smile.

They had been listening to the music for a while, merely enjoying each other's company like they did so very often, when Robin caught sight of Cas dancing with the blond boy again. It had been an hour at least since they had left to dance; obviously it was going quite well, and Robin couldn't help being curious.

"Who is the boy dancing with Cas anyway?" She asked Snape, while still keeping her eyes on the couple on the dancefloor.

"Curious, are we?" He mused in return, undoubtedly humoured. "His name is Simon Durrell, fifth year. Ravenclaw. He is quite horrible at potions, but smarter and therefore less of a nuisance than his peers. Wears his heart on his sleeves quite like your friend."

"Good." Robin smiled up at Snape at last. "I would've hated having to behead him if he was a jerk to Cas. She looks happy dancing with him."

"You should be dancing as well." Snape said in a sudden feigned neutrality that made Robin's smile fade in return. "One doesn't wear a gown like that only to hide in a corner all night."

"Why not?" She shrugged, focusing on her hands in her lap. Was he trying to get rid of her? Find a polite excuse to get away? No, that wouldn't be like him at all. He would just get up and leave if he wanted to. Robin didn't know what he wanted to hear. "Nobody's ever asked me to dance anyway."

"Oh please... You are by far better than waiting for some dunderhead to ask you for a dance. Go and ask someone first, someone who deserves your company." His tone turned from neutral to grave in a broken second, as he turned to look away along with it. "Or at least someone who knows that they never will."

There was something ineffably sad about his words, his voice, his eyes when she looked up at him once more. He wasn't trying to get rid of her… He was giving her the chance to be happier elsewhere, without him. Robin's heart skipped a beat, then squeezed all air out of her lungs. If only he knew; if only she could make him understand. Then again… Perhaps she could.

"You know what? I will." Robin replied determinedly, and rose to her feet with one graceful move. Taking a deep breath, she smoothed out her dress with shaking hands, standing straight after sitting for so long, and then finally turned back around to Snape. Gods, he looked so sad under all those facades. She took another deep breath, then held out her hand to him. "Would you do me the honor and dance with me?"


	46. Of Dusk and Dawn - Part 12

She took another deep breath, then held out her hand to him. "Would you do me the honor and dance with me?"

For a few seconds, Snape merely stared up at Robin in both shock and awe. Then he glanced down at her hand, and back up to her face with an entirely incredulous expression. "You cannot be serious..."

"You know me far better than to doubt that." She replied in utmost sincerity, then gave him that certain smile that was only reserved for him. "Dance with me."

He hesitated for another second, or perhaps merely used the time to wonder, but then he slowly placed his hand in hers and rose to his feet while his eyes never left hers. Only when they started making their way through the hall, towards the open space and the music, he wrapped his hand around hers entirely, switching their positions to take the lead. Robin didn't mind in the least, in fact she could hardly believe that she had found the courage to ask him at all, and even less that he had agreed.

They arrived on the dancefloor in perfect time with the end of the song, and Robin suddenly found herself incredibly glad that she didn't have the mind to pay attention to her surroundings. She had no doubt that people were staring, at both of them, at them  _ together. _ But she found that in the very moment, she didn't care.

His eyes stayed on hers as he moved in closer, holding onto her hand while placing his other on her back ever so carefully, on that delicate part of her ribcage, and her body responded with an immediate shiver in delight. Honestly, dancing had never felt quite so publicly intimate, so wonderfully close and terribly far apart at once. Taking a deep breath, Robin got into position as well, just in time for the music to start.

"Are you certain you want to ruin your reputation by dancing with me?" He asked quietly, and yet his hold on her tightened ever so slightly as they started to move.

"I'm certain that there is nothing left to ruin." She replied with a small smile, the barest hint of a tease, and yet the deepest truth. "There is no one I would rather be with than you. I don't care what anyone says about that."

The barest hint of a smile ghosted over his face, for only a speckle in time, before fading from his lips and lingering in his eyes alone. He didn't say any more after that, and neither did Robin, as they danced only for themselves in a world of music, a world without people. Who needed a ball when two beings and a simple melody sufficed to delight one so entirely? Robin couldn't have cared less if the world around them had ended, she wouldn't have noticed in the least. 

But once the music was what ended, the piece finished, and they came back to stand still while the world began moving instead, she unfortunately had to resurface from her illusion. The world wasn't just the two of them… they were but grains in the social machinery around them. 

"Thank you for the dance." Robin said quietly before he could, smiling, even though she missed the warmth of his hand on her back when he let go. 

"I believe that should be my text." He quipped in return, and Robin's smile widened ineffably.

"Well, I was the one asking you to dance in the first place, so I ought to thank you as well. For doing me the honour, and for making it such a pleasure." She reasoned, amused by his attempt at keeping a straight face. It was entirely adorable how he got flustered over compliments every single time, and even more endearing how hard he tried to hide it. But he couldn't hide from Robin, not truly, not without immense efforts.

"Minerva didn't exaggerate last year when she gushed about your skill at dancing. You are… good, indeed. In fact, I believe I have never had a more adept partner." He finally replied, and a warm rush of pride filled Robin's chest immediately. That certainly was a reputation she wanted to uphold. Not just in dancing.

"Makes me wonder what horrible partners you must've had before." She smirked, quirking an eyebrow at him in an obvious tease, and they started making their way off the dancefloor. "Actually, I-..."

"Excuse me…" None other than Damion Morgan stepped into their path, out of nowhere, and strategically blocked their escape from the open space. Every muscle in Robin's body tensed in an instant. "Seeing as Miss Mitchell is without any  _ permanent _ company tonight, I believe I may very well steal her from you for a dance, huh, Severus?"

_ No!  _ No no no no… Robin's mind screamed in protest, but her body seemed unwilling to transmit the statement. She wanted to tell him to fuck off, or at least to  _ ask  _ her for a dance instead of assuming that he needed someone else's approval but  _ not  _ hers. Even then she would've said no, or at least she would've wanted to. Ever since her birthday, she had been following through with the change of strategy and laid low, playing the submission almost too well. It disgusted her, quite honestly, but she had promised to Snape that she would do it, and it actually had resulted in less trouble with Morgan indeed. The dynamics between them had definitely shifted, on the surface at least, but Robin wasn't quite sure what actually lay beneath that. Damion Morgan still was a mystery to her, and not one of the good kind. And he was still waiting for an answer.

The fact that Snape was hesitating made Robin look up at him, but quite honestly she understood his struggle. It was safe to say that neither of them wanted her to dance with Morgan, but on the other hand, her act demanded her to agree to do so anyway. Robin knew that Snape had absolutely no reason to say no, no means to save her. It wasn't his decision, and Morgan very well knew that. He was playing his own game with them, and this time Robin couldn't change the rules without losing her own game in return. So when she looked up at Snape, he returned her gaze as both an apology and a warning. There was no decision to be made.

"As you quite correctly observed, I am not accompanying Miss Mitchell to the ball tonight. That however does not change the fact that you should be asking  _ her  _ if she will dance with you." Snape finally turned to scowl at Morgan, giving a reply as monotonous as ever, and yet he gave Robin's hand a subtle squeeze before letting go. She knew he was sorry for this… She was too.

"Well?" Morgan turned to Robin without wasting a heartbeat, smiling widely as always and holding his hand out to her, and she knew that she had no choice. With a polite but cold smile, she accepted his hand and let him lead her back to the dancefloor.

They got into position without further ado, and when the music began, they followed the gestus of the dancing couples around them. All the while, Robin had to suppress the desperate wish to chop his hand off for lingering on her waist. Better her waist than her ribs though, even if he was technically doing it wrong. She had no intention to tell him, and kept her nervous and fragile facade up like she ought to.

"Do you have any idea how many girls would love to switch places with you right now?" Morgan smiled at her smugly, and Robin only shook her head. She knew that he was right, the females of Hogwarts adored him, but she had never understood why. Never would want to understand it either.

"You know why I picked  _ you _ though?" He asked on, but didn't give her any time to answer before doing so himself. "Because I took pity. When the only man willing to dance with you is Severus… Let's say I thought even you deserve a little better."

For a moment, Robin wondered if he was serious about this or if he had seen through her act and was trying to break her facades. Because honestly, he was getting dangerously close to that point right now. And if Robin had given in to her impulses yet another time tonight, she wouldn't have stopped at such simple torture as she had before. How dare he insult Snape like that… it filled her with a seething heat and anger. But she forced her emotions behind the walls in her head, swallowed both her pride and the blinding white hatred, and instead looked up at Morgan with a blinding smile instead. Always the damsel in distress.

"That is very considerate of you." She said in a whisper, for she wouldn't have been able to keep her voice from rasping. "Perhaps… Professor Snape too only danced with me for pity's sake."

"You don't know Severus, my dear…" Morgan huffed out a bitter laugh, sneering to himself as his hand dropped even lower to rest on Robin's hip. "He sets fire to the world around himself, but he never lets a single flame touch you."

The words sent a chill down Robin's spine, neither in fear nor in excitement, or perhaps it was both. Was it really that noticeable that Snape treated her differently? Probably. He never made a secret of it in class either, even if he usually called her by her last name then and kept the dialogue to an appropriate minimum. Somehow, at this point class felt more unnatural than their other meetings did. But that didn't mean that Morgan ought to know how close they were.  _ Did  _ he even know? 

Robin kept her head straight either way, which allowed her to barely gaze over Morgan's shoulders. When they turned, her eyes found Snape standing among the observing crowd at the edge of the dancefloor, conversing with Dumbledore while still keeping an eye on her though. She was glad he was still nearby and not back at their table, even if in the company of the headmaster. The only other person whose mystery Robin couldn't quite solve. But at least Dumbledore was a neutral mystery, not a dreadful one.

"You never talk much, do you?" Morgan asked, sighing, and a mere moment later he almost made her trip over his legs. Very much on purpose, of course.

"I doubt that you would find interest in anything I have to say." Robin replied politely, and she had to admit that while she hadn't said much but for the occasional snarky comment during her time of superior neutrality over Morgan, she now said even less. Almost nothing, actually.

"Oh, don't make yourself so small, little songbird." He chuckled in an almost condescendingly empathetic manner. "I have always enjoyed that sharp tongue of yours… your crude little comments… the stepping out of line in the past few years."

"My behavior wasn't appropriate." 

"No." He sighed, smiling. "But that's why it was such a delight. It's a shame that your…  _ resistance _ against me has dimmed down so much recently."

Robin couldn't quite believe what he was saying. Didn't want to believe what he was saying, actually. And suddenly her act gained a whole new dimension of relevance, as she finally understood why Snape had insisted on it quite so vehemently. Morgan  _ enjoyed  _ torturing her. And he liked it better the more she fought back. The thought made her shudder, and for the first time ever she actually felt something like fear of the man currently holding her hand. She feared what she  _ didn't _ know about him, in a twisted kind of way, and that perhaps was even worse. Her only chance was feigned submission, as disgusting as it was.

When the song ended, and the end of Robin's suffering was near, Morgan finally removed his hands from her hip and she could breathe again at last. His touch on her had felt like acid seeping into her skin, all the way through her dress even… She could only hope it wouldn't happen again.

"You are going to be a great partner, with a little more practice." He remarked, catching her wrist before Robin could excuse herself. "I very much look forward to our next time."

Robin's stomach twisted with a sick feeling, and yet she smiled at him politely, giving a courteous nod. "Have a nice evening, sir." She said, and at last he let go of her wrist, then bowed quite ridiculously and vanished off the dancefloor without another word.  _ Finally, _ goddamnit _ …  _

Robin gathered her thoughts for a second, closing her eyes, breathing deeply. Then she made for the direction where she had seen Snape and Dumbledore. Honestly, she just wanted to get away from everything right now, away from the dancing and the music and the  _ people _ . It was stupid how ten minutes of Morgan could overwhelm her quite so much, but the knowledge of the stupidity of the feeling unfortunately didn't change the feeling itself, and thus her heart picked up speed uncomfortably while it became harder and harder not to yell at everyone who stepped into her way. But she couldn't leave yet, couldn't… Until she finally found the two men she'd been looking for.

"Ah, Miss Mitchell, I knew we wouldn't have to wait for you long." Dumbledore greeted her even before she came to stand next to Snape. 

"Good evening, headmaster." She replied, sounding too out of breath for her own liking, too annoyed, but when everything was starting to be too much, it usually happened faster than anticipated, and a lot less subtle than appreciated. "I hope I didn't interrupt your conversation."

"Not at all. Actually, I was just about to take my leave, and thanks to your impeccable timing, I do not have to worry about leaving Severus to himself. He will be in good company now." Dumbledore said to Robin, with his signature enigmatic smile, then gave Snape a look as well and finally nodded at both of them. "It is surprisingly warm for a December night, wouldn't you say?" Then, without another word, he turned around and sauntered off towards the buffet. 

Robin let out a long breath once he was gone, vanished between people who didn't pay them any attention, before she turned around to Snape at last. "Thank you for waiting… I saw you kept an eye on me, that helped."

"Are you alright?" He asked in return, frowning at her in badly veiled concern. He was always so very observant… always knew when she wasn't feeling well. Robin could have cried for that reason alone.

"Not really. All these people are driving me crazy." She huffed, annoyed by the crowds and herself, and thus she crossed her arms over her chest. "This room feels like it's imploding, and I've been trying very hard for the last ten minutes not to burst into tears in front of everyone present. He didn't make it any easier for me."

"Morgan?"

"Morgan." She breathed in return, both ashamed of how easily he had gotten to her and how defeated she felt upon that.

Something in Snape's expression changed for a moment, lost in whatever string of thought he was following, but then his attention was back on Robin. "Are you going to leave?"

"Yeah… It's still some time until midnight, but I'm done with this bloody ball already. I just want to go."

Silence. For a few seconds they just looked at each other. "May I come with you?" He finally asked, carefully and almost reluctant. As if he would truly expect her to say no.

"I had very much hoped you would." Robin replied, and his question finally managed to bring a small smile to her face. He did want to stay with her after all… he wasn't tired of her company. "But don't you have to stay until shortly before midnight to chaperone this whole thing?"

"Considering I have hardly paid attention to anything but you this evening, I would say they are doing fine without me." He mused in all honesty, and his hand found its place on the small of her back again as they made for the doors. Upon his words Robin had to smile again, a little brighter than before, while a good chunk of the misery Morgan had caused her melted under Snape's touch, cleared away by his words, to leave nothing but warmth, and perhaps even a little excitement.

They soon left the great hall behind, passing by a group of chatting students, and finally made their way outside, towards the courtyard. Alone at last; some time shortly after eleven o'clock, no people, no music. Just Snape and Robin and the night. It really was surprisingly warm, especially for December, and the fresh air gave them no more chill than it had back in October. Even September, perhaps. Curious… 

"Feeling better?" He finally asked, as they sauntered across the uneven stones and towards nowhere in particular. 

"Mostly, yes." Robin sighed in return, and would've almost sighed again when his hand dropped from her back as they left the courtyard behind, and followed the path that led down the hill. Going nowhere, going everywhere. "It's just… nevermind."

"I'm listening. To anything you have to say."

"It's about Morgan. I think I'm starting to hear shadows speak when I'm around him."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that I don't think he just wants me low and broken for him to come out superior… I think he wants me to keep up my resistance because he likes the fight. He enjoys being cruel to me, but only when I fight back." She said, crossing her arms over her chest once again. "He believes my act, but he still tries to break it. Tries to get me to react."

Silence. "What did he do?"

"Other than not knowing or not caring about where not to put his hands on my body? Just words… words about you, mostly."

Silence. "I'm sorry. I should have found a way to spare you from that dance."

"It's not your fault. There's nothing you could've done about it." Robin shrugged and gave him a half smile. "I kept up the act, at least. Even though I wanted to chop off his hands most of the time."

"Remind me of that next time I make the mistake of touching you."

"It's not a mistake when  _ you _ do it! I like your touch..." She protested instinctively, but a second later her mind caught on and her face heated up in an instant. "And… I should probably not have said that. But really, I was one hundred percent referring to Morgan and  _ only  _ Morgan!"

"I was merely joking. Trying to, anyway." He said in as much awkwardness as Robin had ever heard his tone take on. "But I'm not particularly good at conventional humor, nor at cheering you up as it seems."

Now that in return brought a smile to her face, and she could almost forget the mild embarrassment of what she'd previously admitted to. "It really was a terrible attempt at a joke. But you're doing good in the other regard." 

"You're too easy on me, Robin."

"Not at all. You are just too hard on yourself." 

He didn't reply, and thus Robin took his silence as agreement, or at least as him believing in her sincerity. While they made their way down the path, she could feel his eyes on her from time to time, and every one of those instances made her smile a little bit more. Whatever he was thinking about probably included her in some way, and that was quite enough to keep Robin's own mind pleasantly busy.

After a while, they found themselves returning to the courtyard as instinctively as they had left it. By now Robin was feeling rather cold indeed, chilled but not entirely frozen, but it was only twenty more minutes until midnight anyway. She could do that.

They sauntered through the arcades as they had done quite so often already, until at last they arrived at the very arches they had long before chosen as theirs. Snape went ahead to sit down like it was the only logical thing to do, facing the open distance beyond the castle, but Robin behind him hesitated.

"Just ask, instead of standing there like a dunderhead." He said calmly, and while Robin couldn't see his face, she was sure that he was smiling a little at least. 

"If you already know what I want to ask anyway, I shouldn't have to ask in the first place." She replied with a small smirk of her own, and a moment later he moved over wordlessly to make room for her to sit down next to him.

Robin didn't hesitate to climb into his arch then, heart skipping a beat even though he had literally given her his permission, and she came to realize that the space between the columns wasn't quite as large as she had been led to believe. Thus when she did sit down, her entire right side was pressed up against his left. He didn't seem to mind though, his calm prevailed as it only ever did around her, and Robin wondered if he could hear her heart racing. She definitely didn't feel cold now.

"I can't believe a whole year has passed yet again." She said after a while. "We were out on the wooden bridge just yesterday."

"Seems like it, doesn't it?" He mused in return, then folded his hands in his lap. "And yet so very much has happened."

"Has it, really?" 

"You saved a life, aced your OWLs, made some amazing discoveries and became a very much respectable professional in the field. You even impressed Professor Dumbledore,  _ seriously  _ impressed him, which I can assure you is a very unlikely thing to happen. And not to forget, we went on a very memorable excursion."

"And we had an accidental sleepover in the lab after that." Robin couldn't help adding with a small snort and a smile, upon which she got a low chuckle in return. The sound of it alone made her sigh in contentment. "It really was a good year."

"Except for the times I thought you might die, or the times I wanted to strangle you myself, or any instance involving a certain colleague of mine…"

"You really should stop focusing on the bad things." Robin protested with a roll of her eyes, and out of another of those nasty impulses, she leaned her head against his shoulder, or rather his upper arm. Should he shove her down the abyss in front of them for that, if he wanted to. But he stayed perfectly still instead, a little too still even, before relaxing again at last when Robin spoke on. "There are so many wonderful things to focus on instead, and it's those that matter in the end. In a few years, I won't be thinking about Morgan, or Jos, or the crowds… I'll think about dancing with you, and mocking people, and sitting here together. In the end, all I will remember of tonight is you and I."

Snape hummed in return, quietly, but Robin still felt the soft vibrations going through his body and resonating all the way in her chest. The feeling made her shiver, and she closed her eyes for a moment to make sure to remember. To savour every single feeling, every speckle of emotion, every little sensation.

"So did I succeed?" Robin finally asked, opening her eyes again to look out into the night.

"In what?"

"Getting you closer to happiness, even if just a single step."

"You did." He replied after a moment of silence, almost serenely in a way, and Robin had to smile. At least she hadn't imagined it.

"Good." She said, and for the moment she felt truly proud of this achievement. She had succeeded once… she had no doubt that she could do it again. "On to another step next year then."

In that moment, the faint noises from inside the castle picked up, and a few seconds later the sounds of fireworks carried over from Hogsmeade as well. Another shiver ran over Robin's skin, but she smiled anyway as she took one more deep breath, then lifted her head off his shoulder at last. 

"Happy new year." She looked up, with a calm and serene smile that was content no less. "I'll be here to make sure that it will be one indeed."

"Indeed…" He mirrored, but when his gaze met hers, lingering and observing her like he was seeing her for the very first and yet the very last time at once, there was nothing happy about his expression at all. No, he looked quite as troubled as Robin had ever seen him, and just as torn.

Her heart skipped a beat upon the sight, and her brows furrowed into a concerned frown. Had she said something wrong? Done something, perhaps? Maybe she shouldn't have told him that he made up the majority of her happy memories these days… Maybe she shouldn't have allowed herself to get so close to him, physically and through her words. Or maybe this wasn't about her in the first place, maybe he was only thinking about the year ahead. Who truly knew what went on in that man's mind after all?

"It's getting quite cold out here… Wanna go back inside for the first coffee of the year?" She asked eventually, in an attempt to brighten up the moment after a good five minutes had passed in silence. But he just looked at her like one looked at a picture of something long lost. "Or… would you like to talk about it?"

"Perhaps another time." He replied quietly, taking one last glance at Robin before getting up in a graceful move she could only hope to imitate.

"The talking or to coffee?" She chuckled while she fought to get back onto her feet as well, trying to avoid stepping onto the hem of her dress that pooled around her legs. Dresses really weren't made for violating the suggested functions of architecture like this. "Nevermind, stupid question. Coffee sounds pretty amazing right now, all warm and comforting and calm. I'm making the first, just for tradition's sake."

"I was referring to both." He said once Robin's eyes met his again, in an expression as grave as his voice. The smile faded off her lips in an instant and a cold heat rolled over her, cursing through her veins like a liquid poison. It never meant anything good when he looked at her like that; rather on the contrary. He usually would start raging now. But it was the absence of even the smallest speckle of anger on his part that truly scared her this time.

"So… no coffee?" She croaked out, brows drawing together in confusion while her arms crossed over her chest on their own account. "We could also have tea, or-..."

"No." His eyes stayed locked with hers for another few eternal seconds, digging through her soul in their dark intensity, and while he wore his strongest facade of cold neutrality, even he couldn't keep it from quivering now. "Happy new year, Robin."

Without another word he turned to leave the arcades, hurrying off to become one with the darkness while Robin stood frozen to the spot, watching his billowing robes and long strides until he was gone entirely. If confusion had ever been this allconsuming to her, now it was an unbearable torture.


	47. Of Dusk and Dawn - Part 13

The following day, Robin went to meet Snape in his office like she always did in the afternoons and evenings, only to find that he wouldn't even see her. No word, no explanation, no reason; he didn't even open the door. The confusion that had prevailed after the previous night deepened to the point where it turned into sincere hurt, but if he didn't want to see her, he probably had a reason. She darn well hoped that he would explain it to her soon.

And yet, when he kept avoiding her the next day, and the next and the next and the next, Robin fell deeper and deeper into a hole of heartbreak and doubt. What had she done to upset him this time? Had it been her words? Those little glimpses of emotions she had so foolishly allowed herself to show? Had he perhaps guessed her feelings at last, that impossible ceaseless love that was more difficult to hide the stronger it grew, the ridiculous amount of adoration and affection she had for him? She didn't know, couldn't ask him, couldn't even apologise… He avoided her entirely for the remainder of the holidays, didn't even show up to the meals, and kept his office locked with spells she couldn't undo. 

When term resumed, Robin found herself looking forward to the first potions class almost desperately. From the moment Snape entered the classroom to the moment he hurried back to his office, her eyes stayed on him the entire time, while he however didn't spare her a single glance. It was almost painfully obvious that he ignored her, avoiding her at all costs, not addressing her with a single word even if she cut in with an answer, nor scolding her for interrupting him. Robin could've started crying right on the spot, out of hurt and despair and frustration, but she stuck to observing him as carefully as she could instead… Not that it helped much. He wore neutrality like an opaque cloak, indifference like an indestructible armor, a scowl like a knife. Facades too strong even for Robin to see through. And no matter what she did, how much she tried to get through to him, he showed absolutely no reaction.

The closest she got to grasping his attention, even if by coincidence, was when she accidentally grabbed her knife by the blade instead of the handle, cutting into her palm to draw a slow trail of crimson blood. A pathetic mistake, a sign of nothing but missing attention. Her focus in class was long absent and on other issues, lacking especially for any practical assignment she had long before completed to perfection anyway. Long ago, in the lab. Long ago, with him. And while he _almost_ showed a glimpse of a reaction to the incident, it was but a fleeting shadow on the wall, neither graspable nor real.

It didn't change in the following week, nor in the ones after that. Snape always kept class time to a minimum, treating her like she was nothing but empty space to him, while he did keep up scolding the other students at every opportunity however, perhaps becoming even more sinister and punishing than before. If Robin would've had the choice, she would have preferred the scolding. She would've gladly surrendered herself to his wrath, if only he would stop ignoring her. Because honestly, indifference was even worse than hatred. 

During the days in between his classes Robin didn't get to see him at all. He kept avoiding everyone and everything, even Sprout said she never saw him anymore when Robin asked, and while the office was permanently locked, the lab and the classroom were open to Robin as ever. She had no idea why he had left her this last refuge, the place that had been her safe haven for so long, but after trying for half a week to study in the common room once again, she had given up and gone back to her beloved potions classroom.

Thus she merely sat in the empty room every night, trying to study, trying to work, only to let herself get distracted by her own mind every single time. He hadn't spoken a word to her since new year's… and honestly she missed him terribly. But the more time passed, the more upset she grew about his behavior in return. Why was he avoiding her like that?! After all this time they had spent together, all those years of being friends, didn't she deserve a chance to make up to him whatever she had done wrong? She had always been open and honest with him, and eventually that favor had even been returned; why the sudden change? They'd had such a lovely night at the ball, if one ignored the instance with Morgan, so at which point had things started going so terribly wrong that they led to how things were now? Robin didn't understand any of it, didn't know what to do about it, and perhaps it was this hopelessness that hurt the most. 

The hopelessness and the anger and the nagging guilt. They all pained her in wicked chases of mingled emotionality, and while she eventually could get her mind to focus on other things during the day, it was always the evenings, the nights that brought the pain and sadness back with renewed strength. It was then when she ceased to be angry, ceased to wonder what she had done wrong, and started to just miss him most terribly. 

After a month of this misery however, it got even worse in an entirely different way. Cas started dating Simon, the boy she had danced with at the ball, which meant that Robin hardly got to see her anymore. Cas was gone during the day, no matter if weekend or schoolday, and in the evenings her body might have been present, but her mind was not. And honestly, Robin understood her. She understood her painfully well even, but hearing Cas gush about the wonders of love while Robin was so very heartbroken herself, without ever being able to say a word about it, was another stab to the back which she honestly didn't need, didn't deserve even. 

With Cas mostly gone, Jorien started blaming Robin for the development of this relationship, and thus for Cas' negligence of everything that wasn't Simon. She never said it directly, but Robin knew that Jorien was mad at both Cas and her equally. It might have been unfair to blame Robin for Cas' behavior, but then again, Robin felt like she was being blamed for everything these days. In her defense classes, Morgan had switched strategies and tried to coax a reaction from her now, with any means available to him. Giving her unjustified detention, now that Snape wasn't around to stop him from doing so, lowering her grades, rising her grades again, flirting with her, insulting her… Robin believed she'd seen it all at this point, but Morgan kept things interesting with alternating patterns at least. Honestly, January had been hard, but February was even worse.

She spent more nights lying awake than sleeping. Evening after evening she stared at the canopy of her bed, hot tears running down her face out of tired eyes, in traces like rivers, unbothered and never wiped away. She had taught herself to cry silently long ago. But even when her breathing hitched from time to time, when she had a particularly rough night, Cas would be too far gone on cloud nine to notice, and Jorien would most likely be either too angry to care or long asleep. Robin had never felt so consumed by sadness, by pain and confusion, to the point where she just felt numb to everything. She hadn't felt so alone in a long time.

February brought a glimpse of light at least, after a long and somewhat exhausting conversation with Professor Dumbledore, but it also was just a pause on her inner downward spiral. She fell back into the habit of studying more than sleeping, and drowning herself in work to get away from her own thoughts for a while. Being tired all the time like that, she started skipping meals, more and more each week, until she hardly could remember when she'd been in the great hall the last time. When she was feeling hungry, she would just go to the kitchens and bribe Buttercup for a sandwich, usually in the middle of the night. Then she would go and sit in the dark potions classroom, grasping for straws in her mind, until she would either fall asleep at his desk or retreat to her bed to lay awake there instead.

It was the beginning of March then that promised to bring relief, but served only as an additional weight on her drowning soul. A twisted occurrence, so much so that Robin found herself on the shore of the black lake, actually wearing a jacket for once, long after three o'clock in the morning. She certainly wasn't allowed to be out here alone at this time, but after the many years of doing as she pleased under Snape's protection, she had become somewhat unimpeachable to the professors, and even to Filch. Nobody questioned her doings, as long as her actions caused no consequences for anyone but herself.

So she stared ahead over the lake, letting snippets of parchment fly out into the night, only to fire a variety of destructive spells at them as soon as they were at a good distance. Some vanished into flames, some were cut into even tinier pieces, some dissolved like dipped in acid. They all deserved it. They all had her mother's handwriting on them, they all belonged to the bloody letter her parents had sent her that morning. Gods, she had been so excited to hear from them… But as she'd read the scribbled words, the smile had faded, the hope had vanished, and the little care she'd had for good old mom and dad had once again been shattered entirely. 

It was the first letter they had ever sent to her, and it couldn't have been more disappointing. They didn't ask about her wellbeing, nor did they mention their own. Didn't waste space on the paper with any words of affection. The letter was only intended to let her know that they would have three scientists from the States coming over in the summer, for a project like they themselves had joined last year, and that they would like to renovate Robin's room into a second guest bedroom before that. In their opinion, she could still use it after that, when she came to visit them at another time. Next year, perhaps. In their minds, Robin would surely want to spend the summer traveling with her friends anyway. _Gracious_ as they were, they of course offered to pay for any expenses, offered to pay for whatever she chose to do. Or she could come home and sleep on the couch. 

They had signed the letter with 'love, mom and dad', and while those were the only non-factual words written down, they were the only ones that felt entirely dishonest. The only words of emotional value, the only sign of care, and they were a lie.

Robin had scoffed, bitten back the tears while scribbling a quick but nicely worded 'whatever' in return, and then moved on with her day. Only at night she had been consumed by anger once again, swallowed by an overwhelming sadness upon that realization that there was truly nobody who wanted to be a part of her life any longer. Thus she'd gone out for a walk and taken the letter on impulse, and when she'd ended up at the shore it had turned into a true catharsis to rip the bloody piece of writing into shreds and punish it for everyone else's sins.

She returned to her room feeling a lot better that night, and while she still lay awake for a long time, she came to the realization that none of this was her fault. It wasn't her fault that Cas was being a stupid little girl in love, it wasn't her fault that Jorien was jealous and angry at everyone, it wasn't her fault that her parents didn't care, and it definitely wasn't her fault that Snape had abandoned her for no bloody reason. Because as much as she'd thought about what her mistake had been that evening, as much as she'd blamed herself and her emotions, she finally started understanding that she hadn't done anything wrong at all. While that realization didn't take away the anger or the prevailing hurt that kept on chipping away more of her heart every day, it at least got rid of the guilt.

And without the guilt, Robin finally started getting back into somewhat normal sleeping patterns, started eating during the regular meals, started being herself again rather than a mess of confused emotions and helpless strings of thought. If everyone else had left her already, she would at least keep her sense of self and sanity. Thus she started functioning again, finally, some time by the middle of March, but no matter how much control she regained over her life, over her emotions, there was nothing that could take that sadness away, nor the loneliness. There was nothing that could make her feel better about the situation with her roommates. And no matter how angry she was with Snape, how hurt by his cruel ignorance, there was absolutely nothing that could make her stop missing him quite so terribly. Nothing that could make her stop loving him despite it all. Perhaps she was the stupid one here after all.

… … … 

It was the end of March, on a late Saturday evening, when Robin made her way back towards the dormitories, finally returning to her room after studying in the potions classroom all day. What she found waiting for her in the common room however, or rather _who_ she found there waiting for her should have been warning and sign enough for her to just turn around and run.

The common room should have been long empty at this time. But today, she found Julius Campton leaping to his feet the very moment she came striding through the password sealed door. Robin's head snapped around at the unexpected movement, which had startled her more than she would've liked, and certainly more than needed. Great… with all that adrenaline in her blood now, she would need hours to fall asleep! Annoyance made her roll her eyes, but she walked on anyway. Until a hand on her arm stopped her.

"Hey Robin…" He said in a quiet voice, but with an insecure smile that didn't suit Robin's impression of him at all. Somehow, this guy had nothing in common with the boy who had pushed her into the whomping willow all those years ago. "I… I waited for you. Almost thought you wouldn't come at all, or that I had missed you perhaps… Where have you been all this time?"

"Studying." She replied neutrally and in a tone as calm as possible. She wasn't in the mood for conversation, at least not with a bully like Julius. Because that's still what he was, even in his seventh year, and he demonstrated it often enough on younger students during the meals. She was just fortunate enough that it didn't hit her these days… nor on any days, in fact, since the incident in fourth year. People still were afraid of her, after all this time.

"Ah, I see… You, uh… you study a lot." He mused, and finally let go of her arm. "Look, I was just waiting here for you, because, well… because I was hoping I'd catch you alone at last."

Ironic. Robin was always alone recently, everywhere, all the time. He wouldn't have had a hard time getting her alone even if he hadn't tried at all. A glimpse of overwhelming sadness bubbled up inside her, but she put a lid on that pot before it could boil over entirely. Not now… perhaps not ever.

"So you caught me. And now?" She asked almost a little annoyedly, and most certainly unimpressed by his boyish behavior. 

"I, uh…" He stammered, rubbing the back of his neck in either nervousness or a pathetic display of what he surely must think to be a good looking body. Girls in all grades were crushing on him, and Robin had honestly lost count of how many times she had heard someone fawning over him in the hallways. To her, he was just a bully with a too large ego for his own good. Just like Morgan. But he was being nice to her currently, thus she decided that she would hear him out at least, in an attempt at politeness.

"You?" She prompted after half a minute of him just staring at her, raising her eyebrows in a manner that reminded her uncomfortably of Snape. Bloody hell, she'd picked up too many of his little mannerisms over the years… but every time she sat in class, she was made painfully aware that he too had adopted some of hers in return.

"I like you, Robin." Julius finally got out, giving her another shy and crooked smile. Not the smug one he usually wore around his friends. "I mean… I _really_ like you."

"If you want me to do your homework for you, you should do us both the favour and skip the act now. Just get to the bloody point." She sighed, rolling her eyes at him.

"Wha-... No!" He looked sincerely repulsed by the idea, which made Robin frown even more. This entire conversation was messing with her means of repression, and she didn't like it at all. But Julius didn't seem to notice her discomfort. "This isn't about school! I… I just needed to tell you that I'm really into you, actually."

Robin couldn't help but scoff. Her eyes searched the room for a moment, looking for places where his friends could be hiding to enjoy the comedy. Or rather the tragedy, in her mind. This was pathetic! Even if there was nobody observing them, she was sure that people would hear about it before morning.

"Look, I'm not in the mood to be the subject of your friends' jokes tonight. I get it, it must be hilarious for you to mess with the odd girl who doesn't have any friends to defend her, but I'm not up to play the part tonight." She stated as factually as only she could, then sighed. "Go ahead and tell everyone I fainted with excitement, or whatever makes a good story in your opinion. Tell them anything you want and I won't even deny it. But just leave me alone."

"No! You… you don't understand! This isn't some stupid joke, I'm entirely serious!" He insisted, without the slightest trace of humour. "I love you, Robin, and I will not leave you alone until you believe me."

Robin groaned under her breath, and then studied Julius more carefully. He actually believed what he said, that much was obvious to her upon a closer glance. Gods, she really didn't have the energy nor the emotional capacity to deal with this right now. Hearing someone say such things while knowing that _never_ , not in a million lifetimes they could be true was a new weight on her soul. A new stab to the heart, no matter who said the words. She couldn't care less about Julius, honestly, but what he did here was messing with her way too much for what she would still be able to bear.

"Well, we can start by sitting down, yes?" She suggested then, deciding that she might fare best to undo this mess if she played along for now. A little, at least. Julius nodded in an instant, giving her another smile while they both took a seat on the two sofas by the fireplace. At as much a distance as Robin could put between them.

"I have always admired that about you…" Julius said while Robin merely observed his behavior and expression. "You're always so rational and unbothered by emotions… Do you even feel things? Like… like normal people, I mean?"

"No." Robin replied in all honesty; she didn't think that she felt like normal people did. She felt so much more, so much more _intensely_. "I do not."

"And you're always honest, no matter what! Even to the professors, I've heard!" He went on with a smile on his face. "How could one not love that? You are so smart… smarter than any professor!"

"You say you love me, but you don't even know me at all." She replied in a neutral calm, trying to estimate his heart rate by his breathing pattern. But she needed to keep him distracted for that. "Tell me about that, would you?" 

Unfortunately, he took her observation as returned interest, and thus he got up from his sofa and sat down next to Robin before she could move away. "What do you think why I kept teasing you years ago? I've always had a thing for you… And I believe you like me too, don't you?"

Robin groaned under her breath and tried to stop herself from rolling her eyes. His heart rate was perfectly alright for someone professing their love to their crush, he wasn't loopy at all and his pupils were dilated merely to adapt to the dim light of the room. No sign of forced infatuation; no sign of a love potion. He actually seemed to be sincere about it.

"You know what, yes, yes I like you too." Robin said then, and rose to her feet in one quick move. "Come on, I know the perfect place to find out just _how much_ you love me."

There was no way in heaven or hell that he actually loved her. She didn't want him to, couldn't stand the thought even. Not because it was Julius she was dealing with; the thing that was tearing down her walls right now went far beyond a shallow distaste mixed with a never ending indifference for him. No, what she truly couldn't stand was the thought that she was capable of being loved. Because if she was, then it became painfully obvious that everyone she loved had chosen to deny her such sentiment in return. And it was much easier to live in the belief that they had never had the choice to stay with her in the first place.

Without wasting any more of the fragile time before her walls would break, Robin grabbed her backpack with one hand and Julius' arm with the other, and made her way out of the common room once more.

"I… I don't think we're supposed to be out here in the hallways right now." Julius whispered after a moment, but let himself be dragged along by Robin nonetheless. "Do you do this more often? Breaking the rules?"

"It's not much of a breach of rules for me. I have my own rules I live by. People accept that." She replied as a matter of fact, never slowing down in her haste. 

"You're really attractive when you're being like this, you know that?" 

"No, I do not." She sighed in annoyance, and finally she reached her destination. The only place she could truly think.

"What are we doing here?" Julius frowned. "Aren't the classrooms locked at night?"

"As I said, I live by my own rules." Without further explanation, Robin opened the door wordlessly to keep the spell disclosed as it should be, then pushed Julius in before her and closed the door after them once more.

"Woah!" Julius almost screeched when the candles around the room lit and flared up suddenly, once again without a word, and Robin rolled her eyes at him. Honestly, had that guy never seen applied magic before? Seven years of magical education wasted… geez.

"Robin?" He asked again, sounding almost insecure, while she simply went ahead to start on an antidote for love potions. She didn't feel like explaining, and at this point she didn't even have to act anymore. The door was locked, Julius couldn't run even if he tried. "Robin, what are you doing?"

She still didn't answer, and started pulling ingredients out of the classroom stock. It by far wasn't as good as the lab, not even remotely close, but it would have to do. The lab was her sanctuary and it always would be; she wouldn't violate it by bringing in an outsider. Thus the classroom would have to do.

When she moved towards her desk again, setting everything down to start cutting it up, Julius came closer to her again and tried pulling her into some odd kind of hug, but she pushed him away with a repelling spell before he could get _too_ close. A mild one, admittedly, and he merely landed on his butt in the aisle between the students' desks.

"You know that I'm going to love you no matter how many times you try to push me away, right?" He asked, staggering to his feet before moving in closer to Robin once more. "Honestly, do you even know what love is? Because I _do_ love you, and there is nothing you can do about it! I will-..."

Julius was interrupted when the _other_ door in the room flew open suddenly, startling Robin luckily only on the inside while Julius however jumped in fear.

"How dare you breaking into my-..." Snape bellowed as he burst into the classroom, a display of anger and threat, but the very second his eyes fell upon Robin, he shut up with a start. For a few seconds he froze entirely, holding her gaze in an expression so startled and full of pain that Robin's heart squeezed together immediately. Oh no… she had missed those eyes so impossibly much, seen them in her dreams way too often, and not once had she imagined them to be stricken by so much agony. Did he truly dread her like this? Hate her even? What on earth had she done to make him hate her?! Fuck… not that again! She hadn't done anything wrong! But her eyes betrayed her nonetheless.

Robin finally looked down at her cauldron again with an angry frown, directed entirely at herself. She wouldn't get sucked into feeling guilty another time. And she was here to get rid of another issue entirely, so she forced herself to focus on that now. Without a word, she chopped up the remainder of the ingredients and simply ignored Snape like he had done with her for months.

"What, pray tell, are you doing here, Mr. Campton?" Snape asked in a grave and undeniably threatening tone, and Robin heard movement enough to assume that he moved further into the room. Probably to hide behind his desk like he always did these days.

"I… uh…" Julius hardly got out a word, and Robin rolled her eyes without looking up from her cutting board. "Robin… I mean, she dragged me here and now… I don't even know what she's doing. You really should be asking her, professor."

"He won't." Robin replied instead, voice as cold as ice and her words just as cutting. "But considering my specific selection of ingredients, you should be able to guess what I'm doing."

"Well, I can't. I'm not as smart as you are. But you really should stop this nonsense, Robin." Julius sighed, approaching her once again only to be pushed away as soon as he tried wrapping an arm around her shoulders. He tried again, and Robin turned to face him with an angry glare.

" _Sit._ " She commanded in a cold tone, pushing him back onto the bench in the opposite aisle with a single wordless spell. 

"When will you just accept that I love you?" He sighed, but stayed sitting where he'd been placed nonetheless. "I admit, I think it's adorable that you're so stubbornly trying to prove me wrong… But no matter what you do, you won't be able to. I love you, Robin. And I want to be with you."

"Oh just shut up, will you?" Robin groaned with an angry frown while she stirred the bubbling liquid in her cauldron. Five more minutes… she could suffer through five more minutes of all this. "You don't know what you're saying."

"Of course I know what I'm saying!" He protested, and Robin sighed in return. This was getting more exhausting by the minute, and trying to avoid looking at Snape –who surprisingly enough was still around but yet chose to remain silent– was getting almost impossible. And Julius really wasn't making this any easier for her. "I know what I'm saying, Robin, and I know that you like me. You're not good with emotions, I get it, but I know that you could love me if you tried!"

"You know nothing about me!" She finally snapped, yelling at him out of anger that he was annoying her so much, anger that she was losing a hold of her emotions. Anger and hurt and hopelessness. But as soon as the echo of her words faded from the room, the walls were holding up again. The catastrophe averted. "You know nothing about me, and you know nothing about love."

"Of course I know love! I've been in relationships before. I've felt the sparks and butterflies and all that shit. Just like I do now!" Julius shrugged, frowning as he crossed his arms over his chest. "Have you? How would you know love if you've never… _been_ with someone? Intimately?"

"Bloody hell, you're as shallow as a person can be." Robin huffed and shook her head to herself. "Love isn't tingles and butterflies, idiot! That's infatuation. But I guess some people never get to experience more than that, so don't bother."

"What's the difference between love and infatuation anyway? Both makes you wanna be with someone, doesn't it? I'm sure I have both!"

"That would be like comparing a bathtub and an ocean." Robin scoffed, staring down at the potion that just wouldn't change colour to release her from this misery while her thoughts spiralled deeper and darker. "If you don't know how to swim, or are too afraid to learn, you'll have to be bored in the shallow waters until they evaporate right under your nose. If you learn to swim, to sail, to build a bridge… you can survive in the ocean, but you will always be held back, always fail in your attempt to control something that was never yours to rule. But if you're ready to surrender, to drown and discover unimaginable depths, you will be consumed by an entire ocean of raw intensity."

"What the hell are you even talking about? Who would willingly want to drown themselves?!" Julius asked in full on irritation, and Robin snapped out of her head in an instant. She hadn't meant to say any of this in front of him, but it didn't matter either. Quite obviously, he didn't understand a word of what she had said anyway. Perhaps it was better like that.

"Nevermind." She mumbled, stirring once more to keep her project simmering. "Most people will never know the difference anyway."

"How do you know?"

"That is none of your concern." Robin grumbled, and a moment later her eyes flickered up from her work to spot Snape leaning on the edge of his desk, staring at her with the same expression that would make her cry if she let herself dwell on it. She looked back down at the swirling liquid in her cauldron instead. After three months he was finally looking at her again… and she couldn't bear it without breaking. So much for getting better.

"Tell me how I can prove it to you. Tell me how I can make you see that I love you." Julius asked all of a sudden, as he jumped to his feet again to approach her once more. This time Robin didn't push him away, but skidded around her desk to the opposite side of where he came to stand. "Tell me, Robin… I will do anything!"

"Shut up and drink this!" She ordered harshly, filling a beaker with the antidote she had just made, and then pushed it into his hand. "Drink it, and I'll believe whatever you say afterwards."

Julius scoffed at the glass in his hand, but Robin gave him a glare that didn't leave room for arguments. Thus he sighed, looked at Snape who still didn't give any reaction but what to Julius must have looked like a normal scowl, and then finally he drank the red liquid indeed. For a few seconds, absolutely nothing happened, and he merely looked at Robin while making a face at the unpleasant taste. Then however he frowned to himself, then at Robin, and finally at Snape.

"What are you freaks doing with me?!" He spat at them, slamming the beaker down on the desk before staggering a few steps backwards. "Fuck… My head is swimming. Did you poison me?!"

"Still in love with me?" Robin asked him in complete disregard of his comment, quirking an eyebrow at him in nigh indifference.

"In love? With _you_?!" Julius looked absolutely horrified at the mere thought. "What the hell is wrong with you, jay? I can't stand you most of the time, and for the rest I'm bloody scared of you."

"Good." She sighed, then approached him with fast steps while he at the same time backed off until his back bit the door. Admittedly, it was good to see him terrified of her like that. Without a word, Robin unlocked the door and then opened it, which caused Julius to fall backwards into the hallway with a yelp. "Return to your room. _Now._ I might or might not have added a sleeping draught to the antidote, and I believe you don't want to be found snoring in the hallway tomorrow morning."

Julius nodded in fear, then tried to regain some of his dignity while rising to his feet, but before he could make any attempt to give a probably rather hostile reply, Robin shut the door in his face and left him standing in the dark hallway by himself.

On the other side of the door, inside the classroom, Robin closed her eyes for a second and took a deep breath. Obviously she hadn't added anything to the antidote, hadn't even had the time to, but she might as well make use of his fear for her in that regard. He undoubtedly believed that she had given him a sleeping draught indeed, and she was glad for her bad reputation for once. Even more, she was glad that it had just been a work of magic. There was still nobody who sincerely cared about her, and she found herself almost relieved at that, even if for a reason she did not quite understand. Perhaps because she wouldn't have to deal with Julius anymore, nor any other idiot, if she just was incapable of being loved. Or perhaps because it was what she thought she deserved after all.


	48. Of Dusk and Dawn - Part 14

On the other side of the door, inside the classroom, Robin closed her eyes for a second and took a deep breath. Obviously she hadn't added anything to the antidote, hadn't even had the time to, but she might as well make use of his fear for her in that regard. He undoubtedly believed that she had given him a sleeping draught, and she was glad for her bad reputation for once. Even more, she was glad that it had just been a work of magic. There was still nobody who sincerely cared about her, and she found herself almost relieved at that, even if for a reason she did not quite understand. Perhaps because she wouldn't have to deal with Julius anymore, nor any other idiot, if she just was incapable of being loved. Or perhaps because it was what she thought she deserved after all.

"How did you know it was a love potion?" Snape's deep voice ghosted through the room, quiet and haunting.

Robin's blood froze over with a start, and she stood perfectly still in her spot. "What?" She asked in a whisper while her heart exploded into a frantic drumming. There was nobody here but them… There was nobody he could be speaking to but her.

"He didn't show the usual signs of forced infatuation, so how did you know his affection wasn't real?" He asked in quiet sincerity, uncharacteristically quiet even, and Robin's eyes flew open in time to observe how he moved from the edge of his desk to a stool behind it.

"Oh, come on... As if anyone would actually care about me like that." She scoffed quietly, and her legs started carrying her through the room on their own account until she stood next to her own desk again.

"Whyever not?"

"Because nobody even likes me at all these days! I'm hardly tolerated wherever I go, and even that is only because people are too scared to send me away. There's nobody who actually wants to be part of my life."

"I sincerely doubt that." He said quietly, and something within Robin finally and irredeemably snapped.

"How would you know, huh? You haven't talked to me in  _ three bloody months!!!" _ Robin yelled at him without a single care in the world if it was in the middle of the goddamn night or not. "Cas is always gone since she and Simon started dating, Jorien is blaming me for her best friend's absence, and don't even get me started on my bloody parents! So yes, there is  _ literally _ nobody who cares about me at this point!"

She was tired of the anger, of the pain, and of her own crumbling walls that lay in ashes at last. She didn't even notice herself moving in closer to him until he turned in his seat to face her. She didn't notice until it was too late to go back.

"I care about you." Snape replied instinctively upon her words, a blurt of truth that had evaded his facades, and he seemed surprised himself that such a thing had escaped his lips so freely after so long. His torn neutrality started crumbling slowly, when finally he added, "A lot." 

"Do you, really? Because as far as I'm aware, people don't just ignore someone they care about without any bloody reason! From one day to the next you just cut me off entirely, from our work and from talking, and from yourself! Do you have any idea how much that  _ hurt _ me?!" Robin's voice grew thicker, laced with tears that started falling from her eyes with all the anger and hurt she didn't care to hide anymore.

"I was wrong, and that is painfully obvious to me now." Snape said, and while still spoken in honest certainty, his voice grew more quiet with every word. "I made a mistake."

"You damn well did!"

"I know." He held her gaze for a moment longer, eyes like a mirror of her own emotions, until at last he had to look away. But his voice equalled his eyes in sadness either way. "I am truly sorry."

"Sorry doesn't nearly cover it this time! You used to ask for my honesty, so here you have it now: I cried myself to sleep more often than I care to admit ever since new year's. I was lonely to the point of shattering, and I kept asking myself just what I have done wrong. What could I possibly have done to deserve to be treated like that, by someone I care about so deeply." Robin started out loud and ended in a whisper, honest words spoken for him to hear and yet as her own catharsis all over again. A better one, this time. A crescendo of emotion. "But then I realized that I hadn't done anything wrong at all. I didn't deserve to be treated like that, and I didn't deserve the pain. I still don't."

"I never thought that you would blame yourself for any of this. I never meant to hurt you." His gaze still lingered on the ground, but what Robin saw of his face was painted in sorrow. The last walls crumbling, facades but burning ashes. "I was wrong in all I believed, and I made the most terrible mistake by doing what I did. You didn't deserve any of it, which makes it all the more reasonable that you must hate me now."

"Sometimes it's easier to hate something you know you can't have anyway." She replied in an almost quiet calm, allowing the pain that lingered to wash over her while the anger faded into shallow dust and smoke.

"I know." He breathed gravely. "All too well."

"And you know that I'm not one to take the easy way out of anything of importance." Robin took a deep breath, then moved again closer to him in certainty. One step, then another, while her voice stayed steady as herself. She had made up her mind, she had long ago. "I could never hate you. I promised you that I wouldn't give up on you, and I won't. You really screwed this up, you hurt me, and I'm going to be mad at you for a while... But I still forgive you."

"I don't deserve your forgiveness, Robin. Not this time." He finally looked up at her in that rawest kind of honesty, his voice both hoarse and laced with equal sadness as still consumed his eyes. His soul was bleeding, seeping emotions pouring into the open in a way Robin had never seen before. Not like this. It broke her heart to see him like that, and she wanted to make sure she never had to again.

"Forgiveness isn't something that's deserved. It's given to those who need it." Her words were gentle, her voice soft in ways she had never risen up to until now. Without a speckle of doubt on her mind she took the one final step to stand directly in front of him. "Mistakes are the foundation of change, and also of improvement if only they are forgiven first. I'm not going to stand in the way of us being better than this,  _ both _ of us, and I need you not to either." She held his gaze of drowning sadness with a deep intensity in return, and every bit of desperate hope she felt was out in the open now. Forgiveness really is the highest art of loving. "Be better with me. Please." 

Snape merely stared up at her for a few seconds, in that overwhelming unveiled honesty, until at last he nodded, slowly, but in growing certainty no less. Robin released a breath she had held without her knowing, fighting the tears that lingered in her eyes, but it was a fight she was doomed to lose when he dropped his head once more. 

Slowly as if afraid to break her, he rested his forehead against her torso in a tender touch, without a word, without a breath. Robin's heart skipped a beat, and another and another, and it now was her who seemed to be frozen by a single touch. She understood him now, understood what such a simple gesture could do to you. Her chest filled with the unceasing warmth of pure adoration, and she slowly placed her hands on his shoulders first, careful in the unusual touch, before she allowed herself to gently wrap her arms around him entirely.

A few seconds passed while Robin drew soothing circles on his back, and she kept reminding herself to breathe. A terrible idea, really, for her breathing hitched the very second she felt his arms encircling her in return, large hands resting on her back while pulling her ineffably closer until she had no choice but to stand flush against him. His hold on her waist tightened, more and more while yet his forehead remained pressed against her upper stomach, keeping his gaze directed to the stones beneath them. Robin closed her eyes against the waves of roaring tears, and gladly let herself tighten her hold on him in return. 

"I missed you." Snape finally said, barely above a whisper, but he managed to hold her closer still, clinging onto her almost as if she would vanish any moment now.

"I missed you too." Robin breathed back, and her voice cracked when her tears finally won the fight, spilling down her cheeks only to catch on her lips and drip down her chin into rivers of black. Finally, she couldn't help the small smile that took over her lips no less. 

They both were too overwhelmed to say any more after that, for seconds, minutes, eternities… and the silence had mercy on them for the longest time while they simply held onto each other. They needed this, both of them.

"Will you stay with me if I let go of you?" Snape eventually asked, quietly but also calmer than before, less shattered but still uncertain of what the answer might be.

" _ Obviously _ ." Robin smiled in return, as she couldn't help teasing him even if just to bring a little light into the moment. A few seconds of silence passed, she almost feared that she had actually done wrong this time, but then he started chuckling softly. At first Robin felt it more than she heard it, but after a moment when it became audible indeed, she had no choice but to laugh as well. For no reason, and yet for all of them at once.

They did let go of each other then, reluctantly, but in the knowledge that it had to be. Robin took a step backwards to give him some room which he used to rise to his feet, finally lifting his gaze as well to meet hers once again. The openness had prevailed, but the deep sorrow was retreating, and taking the hurt with it. Good. A sight to behold.

"I better go clean up my desk, huh?" Robin stated more than asked, giving him a half smile while she walked backwards to keep her gaze locked with his. Somehow the idea of letting him out of her sight right now seemed entirely impossible. 

"Don't bother, I will have the third years take care of it in detention tomorrow." He replied as his eyes followed her every movement as well. "I believe I still owe you a coffee. How would you like that instead?"

"You owe me far more than  _ one _ coffee. More like… three months of coffee." Her smile widened a little as she only grabbed her backpack before moving back towards him. "But we've got to start somewhere after all."

He looked relieved upon her words, more so than she had expected, and Robin once more had to realize just how afraid he actually was that she would change her mind, would choose to hate and abandon him after all. But she would never, couldn't for anything in the world, and she would do her best to make him understand that from here on. She wouldn't make the same mistake he had, only to send them both into a devil's circle of common misery. No, she would be better than that.  _ They  _ would be.

As they ought to, they moved over into the office for coffee, to sit at the small table in their usual spots, and in a way, it felt like it had been just yesterday that they had been sitting here last. Snape made coffee while Robin let her gaze wander around the room, taking in its deterioration in comparison to her last visit. It was almost amusing to her in a way, that whoever else came in here surely must deem the space tidy at the least, if not even pedantically organized and neat. To Robin however, who had spent more time here than she should probably admit, the difference was undeniable. Usually the only space that would be a small mess was the lab, and she was sure he only allowed it to be because nobody but him and her ever came in there, but now the office had become more of a mess than the lab had ever been. She found herself curious to see how it would develop from here on.

Finally a mug was placed in front of her, and she was drawn out of her head when Snape took his seat across from her. Taking a deep breath, Robin looked down at the steaming black liquid and smiled, then frowned a little.

"This doesn't smell like I remember it to… Is it the same instant coffee we've always had?" She looked up with a smile and slightly raised eyebrows, inhaling the unusually rich scent of the coffee once again.

"No… this is  _ real _ coffee, for once. It should taste better than what we used to have." 

Robin's curiosity got the better of her, and she took a careful sip even though it was still way too hot. And indeed, it did taste better, a million times even, and that made burning her tongue worth it as she took another sip. They both stayed quiet for a while after that, in the simple enjoyment of the situation that used to be such an essential part of both their days. Somehow, Robin knew that it would be again after today. 

"Will you tell me why you put us through all this?" She asked after a while, a calm and careful inquiry only. "As much as I can't quite grasp anything that happened in the last three months... I am starting to understand that this hurt you just as much as it hurt me." 

"It did." Snape replied quietly, while his expression turned into seriousness instead of sorrow at least. "There were multiple thoughts involved, but none of them are reason nor excuse for what happened. I simply was wrong, and I did wrong in return."

"I would still like to know." Robin insisted with a half smile. "Please?"

"The easiest one happens to also be the gravest." He sighed, peering down at his coffee, his hands, the table… anywhere but at Robin. "I was afraid. And fear makes people do terrible things."

"Afraid of what?"

"A variety of matters, really, but ultimately only of myself. Of how attached I have gotten to you without even being aware of it."

Robin frowned while yet her heart skipped a beat upon his reply, but she tried to understand instead of basking in it. "Why is that something to be afraid of? Isn't attachment an essential part of every close… friendship?"

"Certainly, yet that is the other issue... I believed that it might make your life easier if you didn't have to endure me as a friend."

"Well, we both saw how not having you in my life turned out." Robin rolled her eyes before she could help it, but when he looked up at her once more, her expression softened immediately. "You see now how stupid that thought was, don't you?"

"Yes."

"Good." She gave him a half smile, in an attempt to cheer him up. "Who else would have coffee with me in the middle of the night, huh? You're my best friend; that's in your job description."

His lips tugged upwards into a small smile, which yet grew tainted all too soon. "Unfortunately, I am also your professor as for now. For a class you don't need, in a subject you know just as well as I do. Perhaps even better, in some regards. It really is a ridiculous predicament we are in... It has been for a while now."

"It won't be for much longer." Robin shrugged, looking down at her almost empty mug while swirling the remainder of the coffee around the bottom.

"What do you mean by that?" Snape asked almost reluctantly, and his tone took on that barest hint of fear again that made Robin look up at him in an instant.

"I mean that Professor Dumbledore approached me a while ago and suggested that I take the N.E.W.T.s for potions and herbology this year already. He brought forth pretty much the same argument, actually, saying that it simply wouldn't make sense for me to attend those classes for another year, and he believes that the extra time I'll thereby gain would be better spent with my own studies. I agreed with him, and he had it approved by the ministry a few weeks ago."

"I had no idea..." Snape mused quietly, surprised and even a little hurt perhaps, then however his brows furrowed into a deep frown. "Have you been preparing for those exams all by yourself this entire time?"

"Obviously. N.E.W.T.s are a real challenge even for me, and if I'm skipping a year of classes, I have to work even harder." Robin shrugged yet again, but tried to keep her face positive nonetheless. "I might be good in the subjects themselves, but there is still a lot of work to do before the exams. Either way, the excessive studying has been quite a good distraction over the past few weeks."

"I should have been there to help you from the start." Snape avoided her gaze yet again, and instead frowned at the bookshelf on the opposite wall. "But I had to be a pathetic fool and turn a blind eye to everything that involved you."

"Perhaps it's a minor form of punishment then that I've been doing pretty well without you, actually. Academically, I mean... Everything else not so much. Or… not at all." 

"Why would that be a punishment? I couldn't see your success as anything other than delightful even if I tried." His eyes were back on hers in an instant, questioning, frowning.

"Well, I know how much you enjoy knowing better, or elaborately telling me all the ways in which I'm wrong." Robin said with a small smirk, teasing him yet again even if it probably was the last thing any sane person would do. "It must be a setback for your pride to see that I don't need your knowledge to be good at potions."

"I believe 'good' is an understatement." Snape replied in pointed factuality, with the worst feigned innocence ever, which in return contradicted the fact that he was being entirely honest. "And quite frankly, I could not be more relieved to know that you do not need me at all to be beyond outstanding in any subject."

"It's not fair if you're being all honest with me now..." Robin protested with a groan and a laugh, and an equally feigned pout. "How am I supposed to tease you without feeling like an idiot?"

At that, Snape actually did smile. "You will find a way."

"You can be certain of that."

… … …

They stayed sitting in the office for hours, slowly catching up on all the things that had happened in the past months, while Snape kept on making them coffee without a single word of complaint or tease. Robin appreciated it, both the gesture and the coffee itself, but she also kept on telling him that he didn't have to, that there were no conditions for her to stay. (Nor for her to love him, which her eyes kept saying but her lips wouldn't dare to.) He kept on making her coffee nonetheless.

It was dawning when they noticed how much time had passed, and it was three seconds later when they decided that they didn't care. They kept on chatting about Robin's situation with Cas and Jorien, about the impending detention for whoever had given that love potion to Julius, and lastly also about Morgan's eclectic behavior ever since the ball.

It took Robin a while to convince Snape that while it certainly had been horrible to deal with Morgan and his crude shenanigans alone, she yet had come out alright after every instance of confrontation. Nonetheless, neither of them had to mention that things would hopefully be better again from now on. Morgan didn't stand a chance against either of them, but together they were better nonetheless.

When it was about time for breakfast at last, they wordlessly agreed that it probably would be better to get cleaned up and changed first, for they both had a long night painted on their faces, and the smell of fire and coffee clinging to their robes. But at least Robin did get him to agree to actually attend the meal for once, which in her opinion was about as good a start into the day as she's had in a long while.

When they parted in the crossing of hallways at last and Robin henceforth made her way towards her room, she couldn't help wondering where exactly Snape's quarters were located in the castle. Probably in the dungeons somewhere, sure, but where exactly? There were too many hallways, too many locked doors and ineffable possibilities for secret rooms behind uncountable pictures and stones. Perhaps, one of these days she would actually muster up the courage to ask him. Just out of curiosity. As reference for a future that would never come to be.

When Robin entered her room, Cas was painting her face with that horrible brown paste while Jorien was just getting dressed. A normal morning, then.

"Hey guys." She greeted them with an almost happy little sigh, but her mind soon came back to reality and she had to realize that the conflict with her roommates hadn't just disappeared overnight. And it definitely hadn't solved itself just by talking about it with someone at last.

"Oh look, she's happy." Jorien grumbled to herself, then turned to walk away. "Who cares."

"Hey Robin! You won't believe what happened last night!" Cas started in excitement, but kept her eyes trained on the small mirror in her lap.

Robin ignored Jorien's comment for now and dropped her bag onto her bed, then went on to change into something less wrinkled. Meanwhile, she only partially listened to Cas rambling on about whatever it was that Simon or one of his friends had done this time.

"Isn't that just the cutest thing ever?!" Cas finished at last, while Robin was about to make an unnoticed excit.

"Yeah, perhaps. You must know best, huh?" She replied without actually knowing what she was agreeing to, but Cas didn't pay much attention to her reply anyway, and thus Robin could slip away into the bathroom without being held up by any more questions.

When she returned ten minutes later, both Cas and Jorien were ready to leave for breakfast, but neither of them spoke to the other nor made any attempt to even acknowledge the other's existence. And honestly, Robin was fed up with the childish behavior of all individuals concerned, herself included. She had been able to sort out the far larger problem last night, and she would be able to solve this one as well. Really, she should have done this long ago. Would have, hadn't everything else come in the way.

"I would like to see both of you after breakfast. We haven't done proper tutoring ever since Christmas, and I believe it would be a good idea to start with it again. Foremostly because the three of us seriously need to start talking to each other again." She said into the open room while effectively blocking the door to the hallway. Gods, she hated playing the superior part in this, but quite honestly she didn't see another way. A simple attempt to talk to either of them hadn't worked in the months prior, and it surely wouldn't work now.

"Can't." Cas was quick to reply, shrugging. "Sorry, I'm meeting Simon after breakfast."

"You surely can meet him just a little later for once, can't you?" Robin sighed with a neutral expression and an attempt at a calm smile. "All I'm asking for is one hour."

"Just because you're all happy again for once after being gone all night doesn't mean you can order us around like that!" Jorien snapped an instant later, and Robin honestly felt as startled by the sudden outburst as hurt by the comment itself. 

"Have you gone mad or what's your bloody problem?!" Cas yelled back at Jorien before Robin could intervene. "Honestly, what's gotten into you?"

"What's gotten into YOU is the real question here!" Jorien returned, ignoring Robin now just as Cas did. "You and your pathetic excuse of a relationship! Do you even realize that there are other people on this planet than bloody Simon?!"

" _ Stop. It. Now. _ " Robin cut in before either of them could continue, in a tone as sharp as a dagger and likely as dangerous, but she didn't yell. She didn't have to, for both girls turned their attention to her immediately with almost startled faces; Robin never spoke to them like that, and she honestly regretted that she had to now. "If you act like children, I will treat you like children. And since you refuse to settle this like adults, I will be seeing both of you for detention after breakfast."

"You can't give us detention." Jorien scoffed and crossed her arms in defiance. "Don't make yourself more important than you are."

"I most definitely can, so you better find yourselves in the potions classroom after breakfast if you don't want me to drag you there while your friends are watching." Robin said in the cold calm she usually would use on people she wished to intimidate, and it honestly felt weird to use it under these circumstances now instead. But she would rather have both girls be friends again and hate her together for what she was doing to them now, than to watch their friendship crumbling apart over a relationship that probably wouldn't last until the end of the school year. Either way, she saw no version of this that had all three of them being good with each other again, and if that's what it took, she would gladly sacrifice her own connection to them to save their friendship at least.

"Okay." Cas finally replied quietly, staring at her own feet with a small pout.

"Not okay!" Jorien protested however, and Robin had to do her best not to roll her eyes. The girl really was quite as stubborn as Robin herself could be, and Robin honestly understood why Snape had been so annoyed with her at times in the more distant past. But Jorien wasn't giving up on it. "I refuse to have a bloody student on an ego trip give me false detention for  _ nothing _ !" 

"You insulted me twice now, does that make you feel better about yourself? Or is it part of your own justification for the anger you direct at me?" Robin merely asked her in return, entirely calmly (as difficult as that was), and turned on her heels to open the door. "If you don't want to believe me, we can ask someone who most definitely will confirm that for you two, my word is law indeed."

"I'll believe it when I see it." Jorien scoffed and left the bedroom after Robin, following on her heels while Cas closed the door after them and even then stayed a few feet behind.

Robin counted her breaths as she made her way towards breakfast, calming herself down as much as possible, while she felt bad already for what she meant to do. Really, bothering Snape with this had not been on her agenda for today. They had been good again for mere hours, and now… oh well. Perhaps it did have a positive side to it though; at least it would be another piece of proof to him that she definitely didn't withdraw from him at all. Things were going to be alright again from here on; she was going to see to that at last.


	49. Of Dusk and Dawn - Part 15

They hadn't technically agreed to meet again before breakfast, but Robin almost counted on it that Snape would be waiting for her at some point between where they had parted half an hour ago and the great hall. And indeed, it was the entrance hall where they crossed ways as if by coincidence, and for a brief moment Robin wondered how he always did that. Snape seemed surprised to see both Jorien and Cas following after Robin, which was understandable after what she'd told him a few hours ago, and Robin didn't waste time to address the matter at hand.

"I gave both of them detention for today." She said with a small sigh. "And now they-..."

"She _can't_ actually give us detention." Jorien cut in, glaring at Robin, then turned to face Snape. "Right? There's something called _rules_ , which Robin obviously has never heard of before! She's in no position to give us orders!"

"And what, pray tell, gives you the audacity to judge that?" He replied with a sharp glance at Jorien, and it took the wind out of her sails immediately. "If you had questioned my decisions like that, Miss Blakeley, you would be serving more than one day of detention."

"So she's actually allowed to do this?!" Jorien looked entirely exasperated now. "Her word is law?"

"Obviously." Snape scowled at her in his usual manner. "I will be seeing you in my classroom after breakfast."

"That's got to be a bloody joke!" Jorien groaned and stormed off without another word, entering the great hall with anger radiating off her in palpable waves.

"I, uh… Sorry, for… her." Cas said quietly, giving both Snape and Robin an apologetic look. "We, I mean, I… will see you. Both. After… yeah." Without another glance at either of them, she made her way through the large doors as well, disappearing into the direction of the Ravenclaw table.

As soon as the doors fell shut again, Robin closed her eyes and sighed deeply. After a night like the one she's had, this is _not_ how the morning was supposed to go. And it certainly wasn't a good idea to treat the healing wounds of one relationship with the cutting edges of another.

"I'm so sorry. This wasn't supposed to happen, and it certainly wasn't supposed to happen like this." She finally said as she opened her eyes again to peer up at Snape. "Thank you for having my back nonetheless."

"Any time." He replied calmly, as if he hadn't just given Jorien a death glare half a minute ago. "And don't be sorry. This conflict obviously has great significance to you, and therefore I would like to see it solved as well."

" _Thank you_." She sighed softly, then ran a hand through her hair while collecting her thoughts. "I just wanted to sort this out… but then things escalated and I did the only thing I could think of."

"You gave them detention."

"Yeah." Robin still was entirely unhappy with that fact, but she would make the best of it now. "Cas was quick to accept it, but Jorien…"

"She reminds me of you in your first year."

"Ugh… I know." Robin groaned, rolling her eyes, but she still couldn't help smiling a little. "She's heard too many of the cutting remarks I direct at other people. She's gotten rather good at hurting people with her words herself."

"Perhaps I should indeed have given her even more detention for her behaviour then." 

"Nah… Wouldn't fit in with your punishment policy, would it? She would hardly have learned from that; her problem is her anger, not discipline or authority."

"Indeed." He mused, watching how Robin leaned against the wall behind her with a sigh. Almost curiously, he raised his eyebrows at her then. "So why did you choose to give them detention in the first place? Not that I wouldn't approve of that decision, but it surprises me nonetheless."

"It's the only possibility to get them to stay in the same room, with each other and with me. The only legal one, at least." She shrugged, clasping her hands between her back and the wall.

"Clever. As always."

Robin's lips tugged upwards into a small smile upon the comment, but she tried not to let it cloud her focus on the problem at hand. "I'm going to make them talk to each other, and it won't be pretty. I've gotten a good glimpse of it already, and I'm honestly not looking forward to the entire thing unraveling. But they've got to stop what they're doing to themselves, and to each other."

"Their actions have an effect on you even more than on each other, I believe."

"Yeah… But they don't know that, and they don't have to. I'm good if they're good with each other, and I'm willing to do a lot to get them there. They won't have to thank me afterwards, not even talk to me if they'd prefer not to."

"You'd be surprised by how much some people are willing to forgive." He quirked an eyebrow at Robin, and she had to smile yet again. Alright, he had a point.

"We should go in, or breakfast will be over before we've had a bite." She finally said and pushed herself off the wall. "Should be dreadful as always, without anyone to talk to." 

"Actually, I would be glad to miss the inquiries about my whereabouts that are certain to come up at the head table."

"Since when do you bother with inquiries about anything at all?" Now it was Robin who quirked an eyebrow at him with a small smirk.

"Just because I have no intention to reply to them unfortunately doesn't spare me from _hearing_ them."

Robin couldn't help laughing at the pout in his tone, and she found herself wishing that she could just fight off all the inquiries he didn't want to hear. She didn't particularly like answering annoying questions either, but she didn't dread it nearly as much as Snape did. Somehow, she thought it to be her task, her _privilege_ to spare him from that.

"You could always pretend to be listening while really thinking of something else. With your usual range of reactions in public, nobody would notice a difference." She mused with even more of a smirk, and for a short moment, she even got one in return. 

They entered the great hall then, each moving to their respective tables in silence, but as far as Robin could tell, both in as much contentment as the situation allowed. Of course, both hid it in their own way. Snape with the usual public scowl, and Robin with the usual calm neutrality. She would get Cas and Jorien to talk to each other today, there was no doubt in it. She would make sure that this would be a good day after all.

… … …

The detention served its purpose wonderfully indeed. Being forced to stay in the same space for an entire day meant that Cas' and Jorien's conflicts were prone to escalate eventually, and once they did, it was also inevitable for the storm to pass. Even better, they were quicker to forgive each other than Robin had anticipated. By lunchtime they were mostly talking to each other again, and by the time detention was over they were back to being best friends after all. 

Neither remembered to apologise to Robin when they left detention that evening, they didn't even acknowledge her involvement in their conflict at all. But on the flipside they were quick to treat her as their adult friend again, their big sister rather than their enemy, which left things off as if nothing had happened in the first place. To Robin that was a good enough result, she didn't need an apology nor a thank you. Only for things to return to normal between the three of them, and she had definitely achieved that.

So when she sat in the office again that night, drinking coffee with Snape while refusing to leave just yet even though she was tired enough to fall asleep over her mug, she knew that she had been lucky. From here on, things would start to be alright again indeed.

_______________

Robin cursed under her breath when she flipped the book in her lap shut with a bang that was loud enough to echo through the curves and edges of the arcades around her. Her free period was about to be over, having passed all too soon, while yet the dreadfully slow pace of her classes on this mid-May Friday seemed to be trickling by like endless seconds turned to dust. It was just two more weeks until the end of term, until exams. Two more weeks until her N.E.W.T.s in herbology and potions. She had been studying relentlessly ever since February, and ever since that day in March she's had Snape by her side again to help her as well. Still, she felt like there wasn't enough time to cram all that unnecessary and redundant theoretical knowledge into her head. All those facts she _knew_ would never be of any relevance to her, or some of which she straight out believed to be wrong. But she still had to know them if she wanted a good grade, and thus she used every minute of every day for studying.

Things between Robin and Snape had returned to normal quickly after their shared crash-and-burn experience in March. Well, perhaps not _quite_ back to normal. There were certain things that were different now, positively different. Honestly, they were closer than ever, and Robin couldn't be more glad about that. Ever since the beginning of May they had paused their usual evening lab work (which usually was of a more experimental nature by now, if not mandatory restocks or preparations), and instead started trying to perfect Robin's skills in making every and any potion that might possibly come up in the practical part of her final examination. It was a great way to practice, and she was thankful beyond measure for his help, but still Robin couldn't help feeling entirely unprepared. Snape kept on telling her that she would be fine, but honestly it didn't ease her nerves too much. She would never be as good as him at actually _making_ potions, and she would never be as good as she wanted to be either. If that was even possible in the first place. 

So when another free period ended with an entirely unproductive feeling, she climbed out of her arch in the arcades with stiff limbs and a scowl. Stupid textbooks… who the hell wrote these bloody things anyway? They were practically useless for anything other than passing standardized tests. She seriously considered writing a potions textbook herself at some point, while she made her way towards her charms class, just for the sake of it. Perhaps she would keep it in mind as a career option. 

Luckily charms was the last class of the day, but it would still be a dreadfully long afternoon if Flitwick would continue his endless lecture about a spell to write in different fronts on blackboards, which he had started last week and never quite managed to finish. Robin sat down at her desk with a sigh, but only took off her sunglasses at last when Flitwick gave her a pointed look for it. Yes, perhaps it wasn't polite to wear sunglasses inside, but had _he_ ever tried to see anything while facing a window the sun was shining through?! Obviously not. Thus, Robin was left squeezing her eyes together to keep looking at the charms professor while he started the class. But her misery didn't last long.

Two minutes into class time, the door flew open and in strode the only saving grace that was even better than sunglasses right now. Still, his trademark billowing robes and overall dramatic entrance made Robin smirk way more than she probably should have. Without even knowing what Snape was here about, she started packing up her things already on instinct. If this was coming to be a repeating pattern, she would gladly oblige.

"Severus?" Flitwick asked in mild surprise that equalled that of his students. Perhaps it was the fact that Snape never bothered to knock that came as such a surprise to everyone, or perhaps they simply were scared to be in trouble.

"I'm afraid I need to steal Miss Mitchell from you, Filius." He stated as neutrally as ever, and Robin tried her hardest not to smile like an idiot. Of course he was here because of her… he would've sent one of the second years he was supposed to be teaching right now for anything else. Robin took a quick moment in her mind to pride and chide herself for the fact that she knew his class schedule better than her own.

"Uh, certainly! I mean…" The slightly dumbfounded charms professor glanced at Robin who had already gotten up and shouldered her backpack without a concern in the world. "For… for how long?"

"The entire lesson, of course." Snape drawled in feigned annoyance and gave his colleague a look that made it abundantly clear that he wouldn't answer any more questions. Thus Flitwick merely nodded, averting his eyes from the intense gaze, and then continued his lesson as if nothing had happened.

Robin followed Snape out of the room, and only once the door had undoubtedly fallen shut behind them and they were alone in the hallway, she allowed herself to smirk up at him. "Am I needed somewhere or did you just miss me?"

He rolled his eyes exaggeratedly in return, a shadow of a half-smirk ghosting over his lips for a second, but then he started leading her down the hallway with a serious expression. "I have a favour to ask of you."

Robin's eyebrows rose in an instant, and she looked up at Snape again instead of where she was walking. "Do go on."

"I need you to take over the second year potions class that I am supposed to be teaching right now." He said in an instant, as if glad to get the request out at all, but after a moment of silence, doubt obviously made him continue. "If you are in your right mind, you will straight out decline any participation in this and-..."

"I'll do it." Robin cut in with a small smile that threatened to grow into a smirk. When he gave her a surprised glance, she added, "Have I ever been in my right mind?"

"Probably not." He mused, and finally the doubt faded from his face to be replaced by subtle relief. "Thank you."

"Anytime." She smiled, then quirked an eyebrow at him as they made their way towards the stairs to the dungeons. "Might I ask though, _why_ do you need me to watch over your class?"

"Because I need to teach Morgan's seventh years." He sighed, obviously discontent with the fact. "Morgan reported that he was feeling ill after lunch, and Professor Dumbledore asked me to take over the class in respect to the impending final examinations. That, however, leaves my own class unattended, which I strongly disfavour for the very same reason. Even second year students should be well prepared for their exams."

"And why would you ask _me_ , out of all people, to teach a class? Don't get me wrong, I'm honoured… But why choose the one person who has close to no experience with this thing, while there's a bunch of competent professors at this school?"

"They are _not_ competent." He said, but when Robin gave him a look, he rolled his eyes and added, "They are competent in _their_ subjects, not in ours."

"Alright, so you picked me because I'm good at potions. Better someone who knows the subject and nothing about teaching than someone who knows teaching but nothing about the subject. I get that. But what if I'm horrible at both?"

"Keep in mind that they made _Morgan_ a professor. I think you should reevaluate your perception of what it takes to teach a class around here."

Robin let out a snort at the comment, shaking her head, and she did indeed feel more comfortable with the circumstances in an instant. If bloody Morgan could do this, she could too.

"I can only hope I won't screw this up." She finally sighed when they reached the crossing where they would need to part ways. "But I'll do my best to fill in for you. Even if the gap is quite a bit too large for me."

"Thank you." He was quick to reply, but then paused for a second. "You will be perfectly fine; the gap isn't nearly as large as you believe it to be. In any case, you can always scowl and have them write an essay should you find yourself uncertain what to do next. Works every time."

"I'll remember that." Robin huffed with a small smile, and only when Snape moved on to his own class, she remembered to ask the important questions. "What am I supposed to teach them anyway?"

"Revision of the term, ideally." He replied over his shoulder, and Robin couldn't help wishing he wouldn't go. "But try to remember that they aren't you. Lower your expectations, or teach the students to meet them."

With that he was gone, rushing up the spiral staircase while Robin made her way down. Oh God… had she actually agreed to teach a freaking potions class?! Second years, admittedly, but still! What was she supposed to do, make an entrance like Snape and scare the hell out of them? Actually… no no no, she couldn't do that. _Fuck_ . She should just try to do the same thing she always did when tutoring Cas and Jorien, that had always worked just fine. Even with up to twenty people at once! Wasn't much of a difference to an entire class, was it? Only that they were actually going to expect her to teach them something, not just help with revision. But then again, it was supposed to be revision after all. _Breathe, Robin…_ She could almost hear Snape's voice in her head by now, as often as he had said that to her over the last few weeks when she started panicking over exams. And breathing she did indeed, as she stood in front of the door to the classroom. She could do this. It was potions, she loved potions. She knew potions. It would be alright.

With a perfect calm neutrality she opened the door, and made her way towards the front without a hint of doubt shining through. At least she _finally_ got the desk she's always been meaning to trade for.

… … …

A little more than an hour and a half later, Robin was surprised to find that everything had been alright indeed. Nothing had exploded, nothing had been damaged, and everyone had come out alive and a little smarter than before. She had done a revision of the entire school year with them like she was supposed to, and surprisingly enough, the students had actually been more than willing to accept her as their teacher for the day. A good mixture of calm politeness and menacing scowls had kept everyone in line without making them despise her, which was as good an outcome as Robin could've hoped for. And perhaps some of them had actually learned from her explanations and little tricks after all.

It was only when the students started leaving the classroom that she allowed herself to feel out of place again, being the teacher, and sitting on the edge of Snape's desk like that. He surely wouldn't approve of such a thing, but for some reason Robin was intrigued to find out what he would do about it. Unfortunately, she wouldn't get to. Just when the last student had left the classroom, someone else came in instead.

"Professor Dumbledore!" Robin jumped off the desk immediately when the headmaster came sauntering through the aisle between the students' rows. "I, uh… Sorry, I didn't… What brings you down here? I mean, is there anything I can help you with?"

"Good afternoon, Miss Mitchell." He bowed his head ever so slightly with that small smile of his. "Actually, I-..."

He was interrupted by a knock on the door. Robin looked at Dumbledore almost expectantly, uncertain what to do or how to react, but he merely mentioned for her to go ahead before retreating to a shadowy corner of the room, picking up and studying a few jars in well feigned interest.

"Come in." Robin thus called out, feeling like an idiot to do so when there was an _actual_ authority figure in the same room, but Dumbledore's wordless prompt for her to see to whatever was the issue had been clear enough.

"Sorry… if I'm interrupting." A small voice spoke from the door, and a second later one of the girls who had been part of the class just moments before reluctantly came back into the room. "I… uh, I was just wondering if perhaps… you had a minute?"

Oh god. Robin's mind raced with a million questions in return. She wasn't supposed to be a replacement for Snape! Well she was, in a way, but just for the revision part of the class! But as long as he wasn't here, she might as well fill in as good as she could for this as well. 

"Wouldn't you like to speak to… Professor Snape about whatever the issue is instead? He should return soon, you can wait here if you wish." She asked, but the girl shook her head vehemently in return.

"No, I mean… do _you…_ uh, have time for me perhaps? Before he returns?" The girl asked again, barely loud enough to be heard, and Robin did her best not to display any of the unease she felt. This wasn't her place… but she wasn't one to let people down who asked for her help.

"Certainly I have, if it really is me you wish to talk to." She finally replied with a calm little smile, much like the one Dumbledore had shown her seconds before. Sometimes inspiration was drawn from the most desperate of places. With a certain glance at the young girl who only nodded, Robin motioned to the chair in front of the desk. "Come sit down then. I don't bite."

The girl quickly scurried to the place she was pointed to, then looked up at Robin who sat down on the edge of the desk again like it was the only suitable place for her to claim. Really, she wouldn't dare to take a seat on the other side of the desk. She didn't want to give off the impression that she actually had anything to say around here.

"What can I help you with?" She prompted when the girl still wouldn't speak up after a while of quiet observation. Bloody hell, this felt odd… she wasn't supposed to be in this position.

"Well, I… uh, I noticed that you are… explaining things differently than Professor Snape, and you know so much, and I… I'm just horrible at potions!" The girl broke into tears so suddenly that Robin had a hard time keeping up with the sudden shift. "I always feel like I don't understand anything at all, and everyone else got what you explained today so well and I just… I didn't understand at all! I will fail my exam for sure! I just… I don't even understand why I have to learn all this nonsense! All those stupid little details… Why is that even important for anything?!"

While the girl kept sobbing relentlessly even after her rant, Robin honestly just felt lost in return. For a moment she was frozen, then she frowned, and finally she simply felt helpless. What was she supposed to do now?! What's one supposed to do with crying children? _Bloody hell..._

"I am certain the situation isn't half as bad as you make it out to be." She started, trying to use her most comforting voice, but the girl just kept on crying and crying as if she had been holding off just to unleash it all on Robin now. Oh geez… what was a professor to do in a situation like that? Use their brains. So Robin did. "Hey, look at me for a moment, yes?"

The girl did look up indeed, which was something at least, and Robin grabbed the first object on the desk she could get a hold of (which happened to be a burning candle), then held it out in front of her. "You know this spell?" She asked, while at the same time turning the candle into a drinking glass.

"Yes…" The girl sniffled, looking first at the glass and then at Robin. Without hesitation, Robin handed the object to her. 

"How about this one?" She asked again, and this time she filled the glass with water to the brim.

"No…" The girl replied in a quiet voice, and while the water didn't spill over the edges of the glass, tears kept spilling over in her cheeks nonetheless. She looked at the glass in confusion for a moment, then back at Robin.

"Drink it." Robin ordered calmly, keeping her eyes on the girl who frowned a little at the odd request, but obliged without protest. Half a minute later, the glass was empty and Robin took it from her to set it aside. By now the girl had stopped crying and merely looked a little confused, but by far not as devastated anymore. So far so good. "Do you feel better?"

The girl nodded quietly, so Robin went on.

"See, you knew the charm to transform the candle into a glass, yes? It is a very basic spell, one of the fundamentals of transfiguration, you could say. The second spell I used served to fill the glass with water. You didn't know that one, but I can assure you that you will learn it sooner or later. But now imagine… What would you do if you knew how to conjure water first, but nobody had ever taught you how to get yourself a glass? Would be awfully hard to drink, wouldn't you say?"

Again, the girl nodded, and she even smiled a little at the image Robin was painting with her words.

"So we need the basic spell first, to make any use of the more advanced ones after that. Because without the basics, the difficult things wouldn't be of any value to us. Do you understand where I'm going with this?"

"I think so… It's important to know the basics, because you need a ground and matter to build on and work with."

"Exactly!" Robin offered her a small smile, even if it was feigned. "And it is exactly the same with potions. You need the basics and the details first, if you want to understand the complex structures later on."

"I can see that, I guess…"

"Good!" Robin sighed under her breath. "Now, did I understand you correctly that you're afraid of the exam for this class?"

"Yeah... I've been having problems in potions for a while now. I just don't understand how things work together and how they relate to each other. And you obviously are great at it, so I just… wanted to ask for help, I guess. Or even just some advice."

"If you have problems in a subject, you shouldn't hesitate to talk to the professor as soon as possible. Not just two weeks before the exams." Robin replied, but tried to keep the accusation out of her tone at least, if it was already so very present in her words. Calling out wrong behavior probably wouldn't help right now.

"I know…" The girl peered down at her hands in her lap, picking at the edge of her skirt while effectively avoiding Robin's eye. "But I was too scared to say anything, before now. I just… I thought I would only get yelled at anyway."

Again, Robin wanted to sigh. Somehow, she always ended up stuck between what people believed about Snape and what he wanted them to believe. There was fairly little she could do in between those two, without disregarding the reality of either. "I understand. And I won't tell you to talk to anyone you feel afraid of, even if I probably should. But I will say, out of my own experience and sincere belief, that people sometimes will surprise you if only you give them the chance to."

"Really?"

"Yes. No matter what you believe to know about someone, you must always leave open the possibility for them to change your mind. Nobody likes being trapped inside a box not made for them."

"You mean people should stop categorising?"

"No. Categorising is important for us to function in a world of such complexity. It would completely overwhelm us if we didn't categorise. What I'm saying is that you should keep in mind that you never know all there is to someone, that the picture you have of them isn't necessarily who they really are. And that when you put the world into boxes in your mind, you should always leave the lid open."

"I've never thought about it like that… but I guess you're right. Thank you." The girl gave Robin a timid smile in return. "I will try to talk to Professor Snape tomorrow afternoon. Perhaps he can help me find a point to start catching up with the class."

"Make that tomorrow morning and you might actually find him in a good mood." Robin said before she could help it, and upon the girl's confused face, she added, "When you've known someone for a while, you also know the best time to talk to them about certain things. Tomorrow morning, yes?"

"Yes! Definitely!" The girl nodded and rose to her feet with more energy than anyone should have at this point. "Thank you, professor!" With that she grabbed her back and skipped down the aisle towards the door, where she disappeared and was gone two seconds later. Only then Robin's mind snapped out of it, and she frowned to herself for a moment. Had the girl actually called her 'professor'? Robin shook her head at the odd encounter and turned the glass back into a candle before she would forget about it.

"That was quite impressive, if you allow me that one remark." Dumbledore's voice startled Robin enough to make her jump off the desk once more, heart jumping into action equally while a rush of adrenaline spread in her veins. Bloody hell… she had completely forgotten about him. And honestly, Dumbledore was remarkably good at making himself practically invisible. Perhaps _actually_ indivisible, who knew.

"I wouldn't call it impressive. Self-defense would be more like it." Robin replied sincerely, while trying to keep up her facades nonetheless. There was no use trying to fool Dumbledore, but she wouldn't make it easy for him to see through her either. "I really just wanted her to stop crying already. It made me uncomfortable."

"Still, your advice was remarkable, even if perhaps a little difficult for a child to fully understand. Say, what did you put into that water?"

"Nothing." She shrugged, crossing her arms over her chest. "It's something my parents did with me when I was little. Just give a crying child a glass of water and they will stop crying to drink it. That means they will stop crying for crying's sake, and a great majority of children's problems will already be solved at that point. At the very least, it'll be easier to have a calm conversation from there on."

"Interesting. After long years of teaching at this school, I still find myself learning something new about human behavior every day. Even if by now, I believe to have quite a bit of insight into the… mind of the common person."

"I don't. I mean, I'm not good with people, neither with children nor adults. Remembering little tricks like that, or making use of logic and knowledge to manipulate someone for their own good… Some people might call that insensitive or rude, but it really only is a means to function like any other." She said, as the question about Dumbledore's presence here came back to her mind. "Anyway, I think the girl will be fine if she actually takes the advice about keeping an open mind. But what was it you wanted to say, before we were interrupted in the first place?"

"I meant to say that I came here looking for Severus." Dumbledore smiled, and finally sauntered out of the dark corner he had been dwelling in. "I believe he might be in the possession of a book I would like to borrow for a few days."

"May I ask which one?" Robin inquired, curiosity winning over reason and definitely over manners as well. "I've read all of them at this point, so I'll probably be able to tell you if what you're looking for is part of his collection."

"Of course you have…" Dumbledore's smile turned into a sincere one, and Robin couldn't help wondering why he seemed to be so very amused by what she'd said. "The book I am looking for is a collection of spells about literature and literary mediums. You see, I unfortunately made the mistake of leaving a book of great value too close to Fawkes when it was time for him to burn… You certainly can imagine the outcome."

Robin eyebrows rose in surprise at first, then she had to smile at the coincidence, and finally her brows furrowed into a frown. There was no such thing as a coincidence when it came to the headmaster. And even if that story was true, a great wizard like him surely didn't need a random book about literature spells to help him out. Curious… 

"I believe I can help you with that. As it happens to be, I'm in the possession of the very book you are looking for as well. That might spare you plenty of waiting time." She said anyway, putting on her own calm neutrality once again as she turned to summon her copy of the book out of her bag. Then she skipped down the two steps in front of the desk and approached Dumbledore, handing it to him with a smile that mirrored his own. "Well, actually I was the first to have the book, but then I gifted him a copy as well… Anyway, you might find something suitable on page 46… or perhaps it was page 64, it's been a while since I've read it."

Dumbledore accepted the book with a small bow of the head, and a peculiar glance at Robin that to her was more unsettling than reassuring. "Thank you, Miss Mitchell. I will be sure to return it to you before the end of term."

"Oh, don't worry about it, Sir. I know where another copy is, should I need it."

"Of course you do…" 

Somehow Robin found herself annoyed by the many times he said that, by the _way_ he said it even more, but she didn't let it on. Instead she merely held his gaze, unfaltering and steady even though it was still so very unsettling. Deeply inquiring and invasive even, while yet hidden behind the calmest contentment and innocence. He was so much more difficult to read than Snape was. For Robin, at least, but she knew that it was an unfair comparison to make from her perspective. She was as biased as she could be.

"Is there anything else I can do for you, Sir?" She finally asked, after what seemed like hours of silence. 

"Not that I am aware of. Thank you for the book." He mused with a knowing smile, then turned around to leave. As soon as the door fell into its lock behind him, Robin let out a long breath and returned to the desk in a slow saunter. What an odd encounter. _Another_ odd encounter.

When she took her perch on the edge of the desk again, putting the books she had used during the class back into their place, she finally realized what had bothered her about the entire thing. Dumbledore had been the one to tell Snape to take over Morgan's class, and therefore he must've known that he wouldn't find him down here. That means he had either come here to wait for Snape, which was highly unlikely, or he had meant to seek out Robin in the first place. In which case he must have known that she possessed the particular spellbook as well. And he had lied to her without her noticing even in the lightest. But… why on earth would he do any of that?


	50. Of Dusk and Dawn - Part 16

When Robin took her perch on the edge of the desk again, putting the books she had used during the class back into their place, she finally realized what had bothered her about the entire thing. Dumbledore had been the one to tell Snape to take over Morgan's class, and therefore he must've known that he wouldn't find him down here. That means he had either come here to wait for Snape, which was unlikely, or he had meant to seek out Robin in the first place. In which case he surely had known that she possessed the particular spellbook as well. And he had lied to her without her even noticing in the slightest. But… why on earth would he do any of that? 

She frowned to herself, lost in thought until the door was opened once again, without a knock this time. Robin didn't even have to look up to know who it was, but by the time she did, he was standing in front of her already.

"What is it with you and that desk?" Snape quirked an eyebrow at her, and while he was undoubtedly humored rather than annoyed by her having claimed it as her seat yet again, Robin could also see that Morgan's class had taken its toll on him.

"It's the best spot in the entire room. Of course I had to have it." She shrugged with a smile, but stayed right where she was. "How did the seventh years fare with you?"

"It is safe to say they weren't too fond of having me as a replacement. Perhaps because they are unaccustomed to having a competent teacher, or perhaps because I simply demanded more of them than what they are used to. But truly I think it was a matter of personal distaste in the end." He replied in a sigh between exhaustion and annoyance, and Robin suddenly realized that she enjoyed being trapped between him and the desk way too much. She pushed the inappropriate thought out of her mind in an instant, and at the same time he did her the favor of sitting down next to her instead. "I tend to forget that people other than you and me are quite fond of Morgan."

"People other than you and me are bloody idiots."

"Indeed." He looked down at Robin with a not-smirk and an almost openly curious expression. "So, how was having your own class full of idiots?"

"Not half as bad as I expected, actually." She smiled up at him in return. "I did a revision of the entire year with them just like you suggested, but I tried to explain things a bit differently than you do. Perhaps it helped some of them understand it better."

"Did you really?"

"Yes! But honestly, I was more surprised by the fact that they respected me as an authority in the first place. Which means that, other than them being complete dunderhead like almost all students are, they were actually quite manageable."

"I am not sure which class you taught, but it certainly wasn't mine."

Robin laughed at the comment, and nudged him in the side with her shoulder. Something she had dared doing more often recently, and he had never protested. "It most definitely was your class of dunderheads! But they seemed to appreciate having me as a replacement. One girl even came to talk to me afterwards, and after getting her to stop crying, I told her to see you tomorrow morning."

"Why, pray tell, would you do that to me?"

"She needs help!" Robin rolled her eyes at him exaggeratedly, a statement in both directions. "And I already did the hard part for you, so you really only will have to tell her what she can do to catch up with the class."

"Who was it?"

"How am I supposed to know!?" Robin huffed with a laugh. "They're your students, not mine. She was tiny and cried a lot."

"They are twelve-year-olds, they all are tiny." Snape quirked an eyebrow at her. "Could you be a bit more specific?"

"Black hair, bushy eyebrows, really tan skin… Ravenclaw I believe."

"I see. She is rather clever, but has been doing poorly in class for a while now. And she came to you asking for help?"

"Basically, yes. I already explained to her why she needs to learn the basics of potion making, but you will know better what she can work on to actually improve. So I told her to see you tomorrow morning to get the help she needs."

"I was under the impression that you and I were friends. Why would you put me through that?"

"Because you're the professor! Dealing with students is your job!" Robin laughed, shaking her head to herself as she finally got up from the desk once more. "I'm not going to do all your work for you, you know."

"I never expected that of you." He replied in a sudden seriousness. "I never expected any of this, in fact, nor would I ever take your help for granted like that."

"I know." She gave him a small and hopefully reassuring smile. "And you hopefully know that I'm always more than happy to help you, no matter what."

"I do. Thank you." His grave expression made way for the usual calm, which in return made Robin sigh under her breath as he spoke on. "Still, you went out of your way to do me a favor, which means I owe you."

"Hardly." Robin replied with another humored huff. "You help me all the time, in so many ways, this really is the least I can do for you in return. You don't owe me anything."

"In my humble opinion, I very much do."

"Fine, if you insist on it… I will keep it in mind." She sighed, in the knowledge that arguing with him was pointless whenever he had set his mind to something. Instead she came to stand right in front of him now and motioned toward the office. "How about pre-dinner coffee? I still haven't told you about the little visit Dumbledore paid me after class."

"Why do I get the feeling that your afternoon was way more interesting than mine?"

"You're already right about that and you haven't even heard the story yet. Impressive."

"Let me prepare the coffee and you will have my fullest attention."

… … … 

The last two weeks before Robin's two N.E.W.T. exams were filled with too much studying and too little sleep. From before breakfast until after dinner she studied for the theoretical part, often enough without actually attending the meals, and after dinner she would practice for the practical examination with Snape. He ended up giving her a mock exam based on what he remembered from his own N.E.W.T.s a few days before the tests, and Robin had a very hard time not crying over how much effort he actually put into helping her. It probably was a bit unfair, especially since he most definitely would never do this for any of the other students (nor any other person in general), but since he wasn't going to be the one testing nor grading her in the end, they both simply chose to ignore that fact. Life just wasn't fair, and if Robin was on the losing end so very often, she believed that she could also allow herself to be on the winning end for once. And really, if one looked at it in a different light, the only advantage she had in the end was that she had the most capable and competent study partner possible.

But there also was another problem, of an entirely different kind. Robin still had to take the normal end-of-the-year exams for all her other sixth year classes, which meant that times were prone to overlap. Once she had realized that a few days in advance, she had straight out panicked, right until Snape had dragged her to Flitwick's office and seen to it that the sixth year charms exam would be moved to a different time. Really, Flitwick was a helpful person in the end and once Robin had managed to state the situation more or less calmly, it had been beyond easy to reschedule his exam. 

With the second test that needed to be moved however, they weren't so lucky. Morgan, of course, saw no reason to change the time of his exam just to accustom the 'pathetic ambitions' of one single student, and even Snape couldn't get him to change his mind. By that time Robin was on edge enough to burst, anxious beyond reason, and of course Morgan didn't have a hard time noticing and taking advantage of it in return. He didn't move his exam, and probably hoped that it would cause as many negative consequences for Robin as possible in one way or the other. Unfortunately for him, he had made that calculation without Dumbledore, who upon hearing of the issue demanded for the test to be rescheduled indeed. 

Finally, and luckily enough, alchemy and magical creatures had originally been scheduled for such odd times anyway that they didn't pose a problem, and thus eventually all exams fit into Robin's week without overlap. Thank God… or rather, thanks to Snape. While Robin had always done the talking and made the requests, he had been the one to drag her around and make her do so in the first place. He had seen to it that she didn't just stay hidden in her rabbithole of anxiety and stress, and Robin was eternally grateful for that.

The exams came, and Robin found that NEWTs were exactly the same as the OWLs, just a tad more difficult. Fine, a lot more difficult. But she was well prepared, and sincerely believed that she had answered everything to her best abilities. The sixth year exams in comparison to that were a mess. She had spent so much time preparing for the two, way more important NEWT exams that she had hardly studied for the sixth year subjects at all, and she definitely noticed that during the tests. Too bad the bloody day only had 24 hours for her to use to study… But oh well, the sixth year exams didn't actually count for anything other than her pride after all, so perhaps it was alright not to get perfect grades in them for once. Or so she tried to tell herself, at least.

Practical potions was the last examination of the bunch, on Friday afternoon, and it honestly was the easiest out of them all. They were asked to brew a variety of minor draughts and serums, all of which Robin had excessively practiced for, and both she and the examiners (those nasty folks sent by the ministry) were surprised when she finished more than half an hour earlier than any of the regular seventh year students. Uncertain of what to do with her, the ministry workers had her check her work again, but Robin still discovered no flaw in it, so they reluctantly let her go already.

A week later, Friday in the second week of June, the normal exam results were released, and Robin found herself mostly devastated. She had been able to uphold her  _ Outstanding  _ in magical creatures, but that was the only good result she had gotten and the only thing that kept her from crying. In charms and alchemy she had barely made it to an  _ Acceptable _ , while Morgan had actually gone all out and given her a  _ Dreadful _ . Really, in Robin's eyes it couldn't have gone much worse.

When she sat in the office with Snape the night after the results had been released, sulking and trying very hard not to cry, the only thing that made her smile in the end was when he offered to break into Morgan's office and steal her exam to have a look at it and quite possibly prove that Morgan's grade was unjustified. While the offer was tempting, and it astonished Robin to see that he was actually quite seriously about it, she declined nonetheless. He would only end up getting in trouble for that, and she wouldn't have that for anything at all. It was only a bad grade that didn't even matter. A grade that counted for nothing. But it was very hard to remind herself of that from time to time nonetheless.

Sunday was the last day of the term, and as always it was accompanied by the obligatory end-of-term feast to celebrate the evening. It usually was a dull ceremony for everyone but the seventh years, so Robin found herself paying little to no attention to the lengthy speech and words of wisdom Dumbledore had to offer to this year's graduates. Neither did she listen to Cas and Jorien though, who were discussing Cas' failed attempt to convince her parents to let her visit Simon over the summer. They still were together and happy in their relationship at this point… obviously Robin had been wrong about them. At least Cas had started treating her boyfriend AND her friends as equal parts in her life after the incident in March, so it was a good thing that both had prevailed after all.

For the moment, Robin found herself amused at the sight of a seventh year Hufflepuff girl who clumsily made her way towards the front after being called up. Time for this year's honour roll, it seemed. All the seventh years had dressed up in their fancy robes and ball gowns for the night, a thing that had only started becoming an actual  _ thing _ last year. But obviously not everyone could or  _ should _ walk on high heels just because it was allowed on graduation night, and the sight just was too amusing to Robin not to snicker over. Poor Hufflepuff…

A boulder of a boy followed a few seconds later, a Gryffindor this time, and he came to stand next to the tiny Hufflepuff girl in the front. Robin wondered which subject he had been best in to make it onto the list, but to get an answer to that she would've had to start actually listening from the start. A few more people followed upon that, and Robin thought that this really was the most dreadful part of the evening, until a particular name caught her by surprise.

"Julius Campton," Dumbledore called out, "Top of the year in Divination."

The majority of people applauded like they had before, and Robin found herself frowning deeply as the boy in question made his way towards the front. She hadn't expected him to be good at anything, especially not divination. It was an easier subject, admittedly, but one needed to be a certain kind of person to actually be more than just good in it. And Julius wasn't that kind of person. Oh well… obviously she had been wrong about that yet again. Should the arse enjoy his honours, who cares…

"Lucinda Sparks," The headmaster went on in the same loud voice that Robin couldn't ignore anymore now, "Top of the year in Arithmancy and History of Magic."

If Robin wasn't mistaken, this was the older sister of her ex-roommate Melody. Who would've thought that their family also had children who weren't bloody idiots? Definitely not something Robin had expected. And anyway, why did those seventh years have their N.E.W.T. results already while Robin was still anxiously waiting for hers?!

"Robin Mitchell," Dumbledore called out, and Robin's blood froze in her veins while half of the Slytherin table fell into dead silence alongside her, "Top of the year in Potions and Herbology."

Oh god. What? No way… This was some practical joke, it had to be. Perhaps there was someone who had the same name a year above her. But when she looked around, nobody else was getting up from their seat, and when her gaze met Dumbledore's, he gave her the subtlest nod in history. Oh bloody hell… This wasn't supposed to happen.

Robin's legs made her get up on their own account, while her mind still wouldn't quite grasp the situation. She wasn't part of this graduating year, she wasn't supposed to be on the honour roll! At least not now… not when everyone looked at her like she was an alien amongst them. Approximately six people clapped as she made her way towards the front, four of them being seated at the head table, which however was barely registered in her head. She took her place next to the other students by Dumbledore's side, while the next person was called on already, but she still couldn't focus on anything other than the racing of her heart and the churning of her stomach. 

This perhaps was even worse than her first ever day here. Because back then, she had just been one of many, a new face like everyone else. Now however most of the people (who still hadn't ceased gaping at her) knew exactly who she was, and it gave them all the more reason to hate her for standing here. In a place she wasn't supposed to be in, a place meant for some seventh year who was probably working way harder to get here than she ever had. Honestly, the honour roll had been an annoying joke to her until five minutes ago. She hadn't even listened to the bloody ceremony for that past six years, for heaven's sake!!! But now she stood up here in front of the head table, next to people who didn't know why she was here, looked at by people who didn't think she  _ deserved _ to be here, and yet she was. Top of the year in potions and herbology. Bloody hell.

Three more people took their places next to Robin in the line of students, and it was only then that she realized that she was the only one wearing her school uniform. Everyone else was elegantly clad in dress robes.  _ Great… _ At least the fitted black robes she had been wearing throughout the entire year were actually fancy enough to somehow keep up with the ball gowns of the other girls. Not that it mattered much in this case, she couldn't care less about  _ looks _ , but it was something to ease her anxious nerves at least. Something other to focus on than the jealous and distasteful looks the people were throwing at her from the students' tables.

People applauded once more, for all the students up front, while Dumbledore and McGonagall handed out a certificate to each student. Robin took hers from McGonagall thankfully, and the professor offered her a small smile before moving on to the next person. At least Robin wasn't as unpopular among the professors as she'd thought… the head of Gryffindor seemed to like her well enough after all, even if she was in a rivaling house. Half a minute later, everyone went back to their seats without any ado, and Dumbledore went on with his speech for the graduates for a little while, but ultimately declared the beginning of the feast.

Robin didn't feel hungry anymore, even when she was safely sitting together with her two roommates again, who however were happily indulging in the meal themselves. They'd congratulated her for her honours, being sincerely happy for her in that at least, but ultimately they had no mind for the actual meaning of it. It was just a piece of paper after all, and they were still so far from away graduating that Robin honestly couldn't blame them for their short lived interest in the topic. Her mind however couldn't quite put the issue to rest, especially since she didn't even know her grades yet. How could they declare her best in a subject if she didn't have a grade? Or did Dumbledore know more than everyone else did, like always? From what she picked up out of snippets of conversations at her table, nobody else had their results yet either, so that at least was good to hear. Perhaps she should just be happy about her success, and let it be reassurance enough that her hard work had paid off. No matter if she thought she deserved it or not.

When she finally dared looking towards the head table, her eyes met Snape's immediately and that alone melted some of the tension in her body and mind in an instant. At least one person in the room seemed to think she deserved the honours, going by the barely-even-there expression of pride on his face. Then he quirked an eyebrow at her in feigned surprise, putting on that mask of perfect indifference, and Robin finally had to smile again. He just had a way of cheering her up in any situation, without even doing much at all. For another moment they simply looked at each other through the busy space between them, then the corner of his lips twitched for not even a broken second, and Robin looked back down at her yet empty plate with a smile. If that hadn't been an invitation for coffee later, she would return those honours straight away.


	51. Of Dusk and Dawn - Part 17

When the feast was finally over, and the majority of students had left the great hall to pack or move the celebration to their common rooms, Robin was as eager to get down into the dungeons as she could be. Honestly, she couldn't wait for Snape's reaction to her making it onto the honour roll, his  _ sincere _ reaction, which she was sure to get as soon as they were alone again. But unfortunately, life hardly ever played by her rules or wishes.

"Miss Mitchell!" Professor McGonagall stopped Robin before she could leave together with Cas and Jorien. "Professor Dumbledore would like to see you in his office, as soon as you can. He already left, and it would be best if you didn't leave him waiting for too long."

"See me about what?" Robin frowned in confusion and concern even, trying to remember if she had done anything very wrong or very right lately.

"He didn't say." McGonagall answered almost kindly, and she gave Robin an encouraging look. "However it surely won't be to your disadvantage after receiving such honours already."

"Alright… Thank you. I better get going then." Robin sighed, and after motioning for Cas and Jorien to go on without her, she made her way to Dumbledore's office as commanded to. After knocking, she was called in to find the headmaster flipping through a pile of loose papers on a narrow console. 

"Ah, Miss Mitchell, just in time!" He started even before Robin could say any proper words of greeting. "I don't mean to hold you up for long on this night of celebration, so I will get straight to the point. For once, I would like to return your book. Thank you once more for letting me borrow it, I must say it was most helpful indeed." 

"You're welcome, I'm always glad to be of help." Robin replied easily while he handed her the book, then retreated to his desk.

"Secondly, I would like to…  _ personally _ inform you that your grade in defense against the dark arts has been corrected."

Robin's heart skipped a beat, and she felt the colour draining from her face. "...What?"

"You see, it was brought to my attention that Professor Morgan might have let his personal biases influence his grading, which is an issue I do not take lightly. So, having taught the subject for a few years myself, I decided to reevaluate your and a few other exams, and correct the grades if necessary. Your grade has been changed to an  _ Acceptable _ ."

Robin frowned to herself; Snape had told her he wouldn't get involved in this! She had even asked him not to!  _ Breathe.  _ Perhaps she should simply ask instead of making blind guesses. "May I ask, sir, who brought this issue to your attention?"

"It wasn't Severus, if that is what you are concerned about." Dumbledore replied with a peculiar little smile. "Is that enough of an answer for you?"

Robin's eyes dropped to the floor in an instant while she nodded, and the colour returned to her face together with a burning heat. Why the hell did he have to look so  _ knowing?! _ And knowing of what? There wasn't anything to know! Still, she undoubtedly looked guilty right now, like some bloody teenager who had been caught doing something wrong. And she wouldn't have that.

"Thank you for letting me know, I appreciate your effort in seeing to fair grades for everyone." She looked back up at him with a calm and polite smile that didn't let on any of her previous thoughts, and for a brief moment she believed to see actual surprise on Dumbledore's face. He surely hadn't anticipated that she would not play this game by his rules. "And it certainly must be a relief for you to know that Professor Snape takes it seriously when a student doesn't wish to report on a matter." 

That was the best save she could come up with for the situation, and it actually was a decent one. She mentally patted herself on the shoulder.

"Indeed." Dumbledore mused, without a smile for once, as he watched Robin for a moment in silence. Then his expression lost all that feigned innocence and the small smiles for good, and left what to Robin looked a whole lot more like honesty. "I can see why Severus is so very fond of you."

Robin didn't reply, but held his gaze in silence. He wasn't done with what he wanted to say, and she wanted him to know that she knew that. Even if his words made her heart jump out of her chest.

"You manage to surprise me, Miss Mitchell, again and again, and that isn't something many people can pride themselves with. I would be lying if I said I can see through you like I see through most people." He did go on indeed, and continued studying Robin openly as he spoke. "And because I respect you, I will spare us both the time and effort and get straight to the point. I am well aware of the…  _ situation _ between you and Severus, but unlike a few other people, I have no intention to discourage those ties. Rather on the contrary. Yet, and this is why I am addressing the issue in the first place, I would like you to continue keeping it behind closed doors for the time being."

"And why is that?" Robin asked in return, sticking to honesty if he was doing the same already. He certainly had earned himself more of her respect by being honest at last than by any feigned kindness. "Because I don't see the advantage it would bring for you, and that's enough to make me wonder."

"You are thinking into the right directions, but in the wrong dimensions." He finally did smile again, but out of honest amusement upon her statement and not as a tool of deceit. "Rather than asking what advantage I gain of it, you should start by asking yourself what advantage it might create in general, and who in return might profit from that. Who then would profit off that person's profit. And if you follow the chain upwards long enough, you will find that the waves caused by each of those steps grow stronger, and reach deeper waters."

"I understand what you are saying, and I understand what you aren't saying. You didn't answer my question."

"Oh, but I did answer your question. Just not in the way you wanted me to."

"You pointed me to a deliberate string of causes and effects estimated from a specific point you will not reveal to me. I don't see how I could follow it the wrong way up and reach the same destination."

Dumbledore huffed in amusement, and gave Robin another studious glance in careful consideration. "And again, you surprise me. We should continue this discussion, at some point in the future. For now however, I believe you are expected elsewhere."

"I apologise if I have offended you, that wasn't my intention."

"Honesty doesn't offend me, Miss Mitchell, nor does intelligence. I would merely like to see that we come to an agreement on the issue in discussion, so let me make a different suggestion. You will keep your ties to Severus under lock and key as long as you are a student here at Hogwarts, and I shall see to it that those individuals in disfavour of either of you will bother you no further."

"I do accept that proposition. But may I ask one more thing nonetheless?"

"Certainly."

"Why are you concerned about me telling anyone that I'm friends with him, but not the other way round?"

"As you surely know by now, Severus isn't someone who chooses to address private matters at all unless necessary. I have known him for a long time, and I believe to understand him fairly well at this point. Your behavior in that regard however I find difficult to estimate, and thus I chose to approach you directly."

"I see. Thank you for being honest." Robin replied calmly, and she decided that returning the favor would bring her more benefit than loss. "I tend to be very particular about the people I surround myself with, and even more about those I choose to trust. As a matter of fact, you wouldn't need even a hand to count those I discuss private matters with."

"A wise decision… Trust is a fragile thing, given with great care and so easily broken if not accepted and protected with the very same. A sharp weapon in the hands of the wrong person." He mused, smiling yet again at a thought Robin couldn't follow. "I believe we have more in common than you think."

"Perhaps. We certainly have a mutual and respectful not-understanding of each other."

He chuckled at her comment, and finally sat down behind his desk with a sigh. "You should come by for tea at some point in the next term. I appreciate a good conversation without the redundancy of formal pretense. For now, I wish you a good evening and interesting holidays to come."

"Likewise, thank you." Robin gave him a single nod, clasping her book and certificate against her hip while she walked backwards to the door. "Goodnight, sir."

… … …

As soon as she was out of the headmaster's office, Robin skipped down the spiral staircase in a haste to get down to the office she was supposed to be in right now. Gods, that had been a strangely fascinating conversation… not necessarily a nice one, but an interesting one for sure. While Dumbledore's feigned niceness never failed to make her nervous, the honesty he had finally started showing her had not. Indeed, she was still highly dubious about him and the entire aura of power that surrounded his person, but she felt like she had finally gotten a glimpse of the man that hid underneath the act of the kind old professor. That was a start, at least.

It was his words that had surprised her though, his obvious knowledge of her friendship with Snape, and foremostly the fact that he was encouraging it even. If anything, Robin would've thought that she would eventually get called out for inappropriate behavior… But obviously Dumbledore had different motives behind letting them be, motives that were important enough to put their 'ties' as he had called it under his protection despite seeing a risk in their revelation. Robin would have to think about that more thoroughly at some point… but not right now. Now, she had more important things to do.

When she arrived in front of the office, she already had a hard time keeping the much too bright smile off her face. She couldn't wait for Snape's reaction to her success, to  _ their  _ success that he had been such a big part of… But when Robin entered the office, she found it empty. So was the classroom. 

Frowning, she locked back up behind herself and made for the lab instead. How odd… they didn't have any more work to do on this last night of school, and even if, he surely would've waited for her. Right…? When she unlocked the door and let herself into the room in question, her eyes fell onto Snape's back immediately. He stood in front of one of the shelves, looking through the many labeled jars, but when Robin closed the door behind herself more audibly than she had opened it, he spun around to face her with a start. Why exactly did he look so surprised to see her?

"Are you alright?" Robin asked in a concerned tone before she could help it. "I didn't mean to startle you… I just thought you would be waiting for me in the office, like always. Is something wrong?"

"I… didn't believe you would come by anymore." He finally replied, frowning to himself deeply after a while of silent glances. "Nevermind."

"No, not nevermind!" Robin protested immediately, dropping both her book and the certificate on the table carelessly as she crossed the small room to stand right in front of Snape. "Why on earth would you doubt that? I was held up, and I'm very sorry for that, but that's nothing that hasn't happened before."

"It isn't important." He sighed and offered her a tiny smile that did inexplicable things to her heart without a chance of resistance. "I'm glad I was wrong, even though I knew I would be."

"It is important to me, and I won't stop asking about it until you tell me. So if you eventually want to talk about other topics tonight, you better tell me  _ now. _ " Robin insisted and gave him the most inquiring look she could muster up.

"I got hung up on a pathetic line of thought upon my return to the office. A mere infestation of the mind. Nonsense. Nothing more."

"But it sufficed to upset you.  _ Deeply _ upset you even, if you chose to rearrange the shelves instead of doing something productive." Robin quirked an eyebrow at him. "If it's as pathetic as you say, I'm sure it wouldn't even have crossed your mind. You know I can tell when you're keeping something from me, especially something that troubles you. It's alright… You can tell me, I won't judge you, whatever it is. I promise."

"I thought perhaps… you would prefer not to associate with me anymore, now that I am no longer of use to you." He said reluctantly, as if he dreaded every word that crossed his lips, detested ever having thought such a thing, and he kept his eyes fixed on the opposite side of the room the entire time perhaps for exactly that reason. Robin felt like all cheerfulness was about to be ripped from her immediately, as a hollow feeling threatened to take over every bit of warmth inside her. Threatened, but yet did not.

"That is a terrible thing to think…" She whispered, more to herself than to him, feeling both hurt by his words and hurting for him in return. "I… can imagine how painful that thought must've been. Do you really doubt me like that?"

But when he looked at her once more, his face a mirror of his thoughts almost openly now, Robin understood that he didn't doubt her. Not at all, to be exact. He only doubted himself, what he was to her, what she wanted him to be now that the thing that had formally tied them together for six years was gone. All bitterness, all hollowness and hurt vanished from Robin's mind before it ever had the chance to root, as she finally understood what he had  _ meant _ instead of what he had said. He was scared… and terrible at expressing that.

"Don't do this to yourself." She said quietly, soothing almost, as her voice turned into that liquid calm again that she had only ever used with him. "There is nothing to doubt. Nothing to fear. And nothing that would change that."

"I know." He replied equally quietly, and just like Robin, he settled back into calmness at last. "But sometimes emotions simply refuse to follow reason. They infest the rational mind no matter how much one tries to separate the two."

"Yeah, I know." Robin gave him a small smile, and a shrug with one shoulder. "Emotions are inevitable, but we can decide how we let them influence our behavior. How we act on them is entirely up to us."

"I tried to do better than last time I had doubts about my place as your friend." 

"You did!" Her reassurance came in an instant, without even having to think. "As much as I hate that you're obviously used to having friends who would take advantage of you like that, I am very glad that our current reality made you question that thought. In your rational mind you knew that you are my best friend, and that's what matters. Is that why you didn't want to tell me?"

"Yes."

"I can see why you chose not to, to be honest… It's difficult to explain to someone that you believe and  _ don't _ believe something at the same time. Especially when it's quite painful already as it is to be at war with yourself like that. Who would understand all that, after all?" 

"You do. Somehow, you always do."

"I try." She shrugged with a smile. "I by far don't understand everything, and what I do understand is usually in bits and pieces… But I try to be the friend you deserve."

"I wish I was better at returning the favour." 

"I wish I could hug you when you say things like that." Robin blurted before her mind could filter it out as a thing to think but not to say.  _ Never  _ to say. Too late for that now. Sure, they had somehow slipped into territory where it was fine to sit or stand closer together, to nudge each other in the side occasionally, and he still placed his hand on her back when they were walking… But those were the only touches, the only physical closeness existent between them. Other than that one time in March, which had imprinted itself in Robin's memory so very vividly, things even as simple as a hug only ever happened in her dreams. By now she was beyond starving for a simple touch, and more so with every day. Perhaps that's why her mind had finally given in under that weight of her yearning now.

To Robin's surprise, Snape didn't reply to her words at all. Or so she thought when she studied his face in mild panic, searching for any disdain, but finding none whatsoever. There was only the neutrality he still hid behind sometimes, as he stood frozen and stared right back at her much in the same manner as her. For a moment, Robin felt frozen as well. She didn't want to disrespect his distaste for touches… didn't want to make him shut her out again. But then she realized that he's had his chance to stop her, that he could've told her off easily if he had wanted to. And he hadn't done anything but look at her.

While her heartbeat could probably be heard everywhere in the castle at this point, she took a determined step towards him and was certain that he stopped breathing for a moment when she stood on her tiptoes and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him closer until she could rest her cheeks against his shoulder that she was barely able to reach even on her tiptoes. But she couldn't bring herself to look at him. Not when she still didn't know if she had gone too far by embracing him like that.

Her doubt was washed away but a second later when he leaned into her ever so slightly in return, then more and more while his arms wrapped around her waist and shoulders in a tightening hold. He pulled her closer like that, leaning down enough for Robin to tighten her arms around him as well, until there was no space left between them at all. The feeling of being held like this almost brought Robin to tears, and yet she could have laughed at how desperate she was for his closeness. How pathetically beautiful her body responded to his touch, and her mind as well. But when she felt his breath gently fanning against the delicate skin of her neck, his tight hold on her unfaltering, she only closed her eyes and smiled instead of laughing or crying for now. For seconds, hours, eternities.

"I apologise for ruining your night." He was the first to speak up eventually, so close to her ear that even the quietest tone seemed loud to supersede the silence. "I should have been congratulating you on your remarkable achievement the moment you came in."

"You didn't ruin anything… Please don't think that." Robin replied in a whisper; she didn't trust her voice enough to speak normally just yet. "It's only a piece of paper, it doesn't matter."

"A piece of paper worth celebrating nonetheless." He objected in sincere conviction. "It is something you should be proud of, Robin. I am."

"Priding ourselves in my success, are we?" She couldn't help teasing him, she never could, and her smile sounded in her voice so clearly that she didn't doubt he heard it as well.

"I am proud of  _ you _ , you dunderhead." He grumbled into her shoulder, annoyed but not really, and Robin couldn't help chuckling to herself.

"I know." She finally sighed, as her grin slowly turned into a smile. "And that means more to me than the honours ever could."

They held onto each other for a moment longer, a beyond blissful moment, but when they eventually had to let go, Robin missed his warmth and his arms around her immediately once they pulled back from each other's personal space. Perhaps she should ask for a hug more often… but would he still grant her such sentiment if she did? That was one thing she still hadn't figured out; he was so very reluctant about any kind of touch, completely avoided them at all costs from anyone but her, and yet when given the chance, he held onto her so very tightly as if he didn't want to ever let go again. But he was never the one to initiate it, only to comply. Who knew… perhaps the summer would shed some light on that mystery.

"So all's good again?" She asked with a small smile up at him, in both encouragement and returning excitement. "No actual doubts about our friendship?"

"Never. You know that."

"I do." Robin's smile brightened in an instant. Oh, how well she did know indeed. A spark of hope flared up in her heart, a hope that perhaps it wasn't entirely impossible that he might actually grow to feel more for her than just friendship, but she quenched it immediately. He was already giving her so much at this point… and the very least she could do was to be the friend he deserved by not asking for even more. "So, what now?"

"Now that I am  _ officially _ no longer your professor, how about we have a very much necessary celebration of that over coffee?" He quirked an eyebrow at her with a small smile in return. "I believe we still have a summer and one or the other adventure to talk about."

"Sounds perfect to me."


	52. More Than Words - Part 1

Robin slumped down in her seat with a sigh and the oddly bittersweet feeling of melancholy mixed with excitement. Over the rim of her sunglasses, she observed how Jorien rolled her eyes at Cas, but helped her stow away her enormous bag in the overhead compartments nonetheless. It was still before noon, but the sun was already scorching Robin's skin as it flooded the compartment of the Hogwarts Express they had chosen to claim. The school year was over. Time to head back to London.

Minutes later, when the train slowly started moving and the two other girls finally sat down as well, Robin couldn't help feeling more excited than sad at last. Sure, leaving Hogwarts had always dimmed down her mood quite significantly, but this year it was a bit different. For one, she had intentionally _ chosen  _ to take the train back to London together with her roommates. She also could've apparated back home, now that she had passed the class and gotten her license, but she had decided against it. Perhaps for nostalgic reasons, perhaps because of her constantly babbling but very much appreciated company. But most importantly –and therefore the real reason why she was more excited for the summer to start than dreading to part from her beloved castle– she actually had plans for the holidays for once. Plans which included two of her favorite things in the entire world; potions (in the broadest sense) and Snape. The latter obviously being more reason to her current excitement than the former, but ultimately she was very happy about both.

Really, she had been planning it for a while now. Robin wanted to continue her hunt for rare ingredients, or rather her studies thereof, and after the by now renown success she'd had last October, she had been quick to decide that she would spend the summer with the same kind of expeditions to confirm her theories. Obviously she wouldn't be able to work her way through the entire handbook, which she had kept on expanding and improving throughout the last year, but she would just start somewhere and work her way through as far as she got. Fortunately, from the very moment she had told Snape of her plans, he had been dead set on coming along, saying how it was far too dangerous to deal with some of the things she would necessarily have to encounter on her own, and after a while of teasing and prodding, he had also admitted that he simply wanted to do this together with her either way.

To Robin, the prospect of that, of their plans, was enough reason to keep smiling to herself from time to time, or really any time she thought of it. The only dimmer on her mood was that their adventures would only be able to start from next weekend on; before then, Snape was still stuck at Hogwarts for whatever boring thing Dumbledore had the professors do after the students had left, and Robin for her part had promised to wait until then. For his sake more than her own, and unfortunately, that left her with a week to spend with her parents. Lovely.

"Earth to Robin! What are you all smiley about?" Cas wondered loudly, snapping her fingers in front of Robin's face to get her attention.

"Oh, just excited about my plans for summer." She shrugged in return, yet again unable to stop grinning to herself. Damnit, she really was as subtle as a pink elephant.

" _ You  _ actually have plans for once? After years of saying you literally don't care? Spill the tea, what's the story?" Jorien quirked an eyebrow at her in doubt and question, and Cas nodded in agreement to the objection.

"No story, I'm just excited, that's all."

"What's your plans then?"

"Proving my theories about different substances and ingredients, testing methods and means to find them, and improving all of it based on the results of practical research." Robin explained in one breath, and received two questioning looks in return. With a sigh and a smile she added, "I will travel around and look for plants and animals I can use for potions."

"Uuh, going on adventures! Why didn't you just say that!" Cas beamed in return, then went off into her own direction with it. "You should write a book about it! Or better, a comic! With moving pictures and all that kinda stuff! 'Robin the lone scientist'... How about that?"

"More like 'Robin the mad scientist'." Robin laughed in return, letting her head fall back against the seat for a moment until she could tone down her grin a little. 

"Perhaps you should let us come with you! Then you certainly won't be alone anymore." Jorien mused carefully, more hopeful than intrusive, and Robin's eyes fell onto the two grinning girls again.

"I won't be alone at all, actually… My best friend is coming with me." She finally allowed herself to admit, and the words were already enough to make her skin tingle. Geez, she really shouldn't be this excited about it… but it didn't hurt anyone either.

"Oi, that mysterious guy you never lose more than a word about?" Cas' eyes lit up, and she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. "Perhaps you will finally get that passionate romance I've been hoping for!"

"Speaking of which, have you made plans to visit Simon?" Robin inquired, brutally changing the topic before they would try to snoop any more.

"Unfortunately, my parents aren't too fond of the idea of me having a boyfriend." The blonde rolled her eyes exaggeratedly, falling back into her seat with a huff. The grandeur of the gesture made Robin want to snort, but she suppressed it for empathy's sake. "So I probably won't see him at all until summer's over. I hope he doesn't find someone better than me in the meantime!"

"You can always write letters to him." Robin suggested with a shrug. "The anticipation and delay in that can be quite exciting as well. Carefully chosen words, the time taken to share a piece of one's mind with the other, the reassuring physicality of someone's handwriting on parchment…"

"You're terribly romantic, you know that?"

"Don't tell anyone." Robin replied, rising her eyebrows at them with a small smirk. "I have a reputation to uphold."

… … … 

The one good thing once they arrived back in London, after Cas and Jorien had found their parents who had come to pick them up like always, was that Robin didn't have to deal with her trunk anymore. With a swoop of her wand, it shrunk down to a miniature and disappeared in the depth of her backpack. Thank God she was finally over seventeen… had been for a while now, actually. The summer would be so much more enjoyable now that she could use magic outside of school.

Instead of taking the first train back to Oxford like she usually did, Robin spent some time strolling around London. After all, she could be at home in a blink now whenever she fancied to be, and she didn't have luggage other than her backpack either. When she eventually sat down in a small cafe with a book Cas had practically forced upon her (not without making Robin actually promise to read it over summer), she couldn't help wondering what Snape might be up to right now. It was around this time when they would usually have pre-dinner coffee, or take a walk around the grounds, or set up for that evening's work in advance… oh bloody hell, she missed him already. But in the light of the impending week with her family, she also found herself missing Jorien and Cas. Anyone was better company than the people who were (probably not even) waiting for her in Oxford. For a moment, she wondered if they would care if she didn't come home today. If they would even  _ notice _ .

Sighing, Robin ordered the largest coffee on the menu and then went to distract herself from the inevitable necessity to go home by reading Cas' book for now. It was the kind of read Robin wouldn't pick up even with her eyes closed; a cheesy romance novel about a girl around the same age as her, who slowly discovered the 'wonders' of love and physical intimacy in a plot that otherwise didn't even fit the romance. Robin couldn't help rolling her eyes every other page, but she had promised Cas that she would read it, and thus she had to suffer through all the drama and badly phrased make-out sessions now. Why on earth was this Cas' favorite book?! Admittedly, the girl deemed fashion magazines the high art of literature, but this… ugh. Sometimes Robin wished she didn't take her promises quite so seriously.

When her coffee was empty and a good third of the dreadful book behind her (which at some point had gotten a little less dreadful… not that she would ever admit that to anyone), she decided that it was late enough to make her way home at last. If she didn't want to sleep in the gutter, there was little else she could do. Well, technically she could camp out somewhere up north… she had everything she needed in her backpack… but some stupid part of her mind wanted to give her parents another chance to care. Some sparks of pathetic hope had crept through the cracks in her walls once again, even if she knew that she would only be disappointed again. It couldn't be helped either way. After paying for her coffee, she sought out the first space away from prying eyes, and finally went home in a swirl of time and space.

… … …

It had been three days, and Robin was already going insane. During her absence, her parents' house had turned into an outpost of the local university, or so it seemed. Not only had her bedroom been unrecognizable and all her things were packed up in boxes in the basement upon her arrival, but there simply were too many people around her on a constant basis, and no possibility to hide; Robin's parents, the three American scientists currently living with them, and usually two to five other people working on the same project even after hours. Begrudgingly Robin had accepted that she no longer had her own room in this house, and even that she had to live out of cardboard boxes for the moment… But the five other people living in this house with her currently were just too much. 

The moment she'd come home on Monday evening she had noticed two things right away: One, her parents hadn't expected that she would actually want to sleep on the couch for more than a night. Two, the people from the States were _assholes_ , to stick with their language. Well, two of the three, at least. A married couple who had moved into her old bedroom, and honestly, they could be summarized as mainly three things: religious, respectless and rude. Right on the first evening, they hadn't hesitated to make not so subtle but very much mocking comments about Robin 'attending a boarding school for special children', as her parents seemed to have explained the situation to them. Then they had gone on to comment on her 'disorderly choice of clothing', which they deemed entirely unsuitable for a _young lady_ of any respectable family. Them finding out that Robin, in fact, didn't pray before meals (nor at any other time really), and also had absolutely no intention to, had resulted in a lengthy speech about the importance of God's guidance for a _young lady_ (that term again…), especially when she was constantly tempted by vicious males around her. (They had also found it outrageous that the school she attended wasn't just for girls!) At that point, Robin had regretted ever coming back to this place, ever allowing herself to hope that it might not be completely awful. That had been three hours after her arrival.

Three days later, she was going insane for real. The only good thing was that every one of them was gone throughout most of the day, which allowed her to take a break from the constant orders and remarks given to her by four people by now, none of which actually had the right to do so. Honestly, she didn't know why she didn't just leave. Pack up the boxes in the basement and find some other place to live, where she wouldn't be either entirely ignored to the point of feeling invisible or pestered with disdainful comments. And now, four days into this mess, she made the decision that she would have to adapt her plans if she wanted to survive this summer.

"I'll be leaving tomorrow. I'm going to travel the country with a friend until the end of summer." She declared out of the blue, during dinner on Friday evening, after being silent for over three hours. Originally she had planned to take day trips with Snape, and come back here in the evenings to spend the days in between excursions at her parents' house. But now she just wanted to have a decent enough reason to leave and stay gone for as long as possible. Perhaps forever.

"That's amazing, sweetie! I'm glad to hear you have plans." Her mom was the first to reply, smiling in what looked like sincere relief upon the prospect of having her daughter out of the picture at last. 

The conflict growing between the American couple and Robin hadn't passed by her parents unnoticed, indeed they were as well aware of it as everyone else, but they had always made an effort not to get involved, always avoiding to possibly upset their guests, even when they had clearly crossed a line. To Robin, they had thereby picked their side, and it had never been hers.

"Traveling the country… Spending your parents' hard earned money, eh?" The scarecrow on the other side of the table scoffed in a too high pitched voice, and Robin had to make a conscious effort to keep her facade of perfect neutrality plastered onto her face. "If I was your mother, I would see to it that you find yourself a job and get working as soon as possible!"

"We offered to pay for her expenses, should she wish to spend the summer elsewhere, because we had to clear out her room for you." Robin's dad explained almost apologetically. "But it might as well be a belated gift for… two birthdays and two Christmases, I believe."

"Never coming home and then expecting to be paid for nonetheless…" The scarecrow made a face at Robin as she let out a scoff. "Children, they're all the same no matter where you are in the world. I know why I never wanted any."

Robin's jaw clenched for but a second, the only tell of her true emotions, but then she calmly went back to cutting her chicken into neat pieces of exactly the same size as she had previously cut her vegetables and potatoes as well. "I won't need any of your money, thank you for the offer nonetheless. I believe it would be best for everyone if I was…  _ financially independent _ as soon as possible. I'm an adult, so I might as well pay for myself."

"Oh, you're one of those types." Scarecrow's husband mused in an unsuccessful attempt at  _ subtle _ distaste. "Traveling around like a gypsy, always deep in someone's pocket for a dollar… The youth these days just doesn't know what work is anymore." 

"Actually, I work hard and earn my money like everyone else does." Robin replied coldly, not even honouring the man with a glance. It was a very twisted version of the truth she was presenting here, but it would have to do. "Just because I attend a school quite far away from the larger cities doesn't mean there is no opportunity to make a living on the side."

"Yes, and we all know how pretty young girls can make a living the easiest way, don't we?" Scarecrow scoffed, and the entire table fell silent for a moment. Nobody dared to speak, and all eyes eventually sought out Robin, who in return was desperately glad for her years of practice in looking entirely indifferent. On the inside however, her mind was raging. How dared this woman to make such accusations, or even hint at something like that?! A small part of Robin wondered what would happen if she simply cursed everyone in the room, and took their memories of it afterwards. But instead, she settled for merely being silent and clinging onto the thought that she would be gone tomorrow.

"Do you by any chance work in a kitchen?" The third American, the only decent human being in the room and the only person Robin wasn't currently mad at, asked and thereby broke the uncomfortable silence. "Because I couldn't help noticing how adept you are at cooking. The dinner you made last night was amazing, and I've never seen someone so skilled with a knife."

"Thank you." Robin offered him a small smile, and inwardly thanked him for saving her from the ridiculous situation like that. "I really do sort of work in a kitchen, actually. For the past few years I have been trained quite a bit in addition to the normal school curriculum, to properly select and prepare ingredients for example, but by now, I actually get to make entire recipes by myself." Again, not a lie. Cooking and potion making were quite similar in a lot of ways, and she would shamelessly take advantage of that now.

"I didn't know you were training to become a chef." Robin's dad frowned at her, then shrugged and continued eating at last. "But I'm glad to hear that you are looking into a serious and decently paying career path. Not that… odd stuff they teach you at school."

"So, who's the friend you're going to be traveling with?" Her mom asked, changing the topic and the tension that had been hanging in the hair was resolved as the others continued with their meals as well.

"You wouldn't know him; someone I know from school." Was all Robin replied, but perhaps she should've thought better of it.

"A boy?! Excuse me, but I just have to intervene here again, entirely for your own good…" The scarecrow was quick to respond, and Robin cringed at every single part of the vile woman's sentence. "Just imagine how that might look to some people! A girl and a boy, traveling the country together all by themselves… Do you truly want to have such a poor reputation?! Just think about the disgrace it would be for your parents! Or for your future husband! People might assume you were dishonored!"

If that woman knew that Robin was going to travel with Snape, a man who was eleven years older than her and who used to be her professor until a week ago, she surely would combust in outrage, or faint in shock. Robin had to suppress a snort at the thought, and the idea of telling her suddenly became very tempting. But she wouldn't, as that would surely only end to her own disadvantage. After all, it would put reality into even more of a false light… they were still going to part ways in the evenings to meet up again on another day. Either way, Robin had quite enough of the woman sitting across from her at this point.

"Bold of you to assume that I have any honour left for him to take in the first place." She said nonchalantly, in perfect indifference, and while four jaws dropped just like intended, the nice American scientist merely let out a snort. At least one person understood the joke inherent in this bloody situation… Still, this probably hadn't been the smartest thing to say if she ever wanted them to stop bothering her, but as it seemed, her reputation among them had been ruined long before she had arrived here in the first place. And it was the truth after all; at almost eighteen, it wasn't unlikely that she would have a lot more experience than she actually did. It wasn't her fault that a hug was the only form of physical intimacy she'd ever lived to share with anyone… even Cas had more experience than that, and she was only fourteen! Not that this bothered Robin in any way… it was just a fact, and she might as well use it to her advantage at this point.

Dinner continued quietly from then on, and while the silence seemed to be uncomfortable for everyone else, Robin actually found herself feeling more at ease than she had all evening. When willingly allowing yourself to sink quite so low in someone's eyes, even if based on false information and half truths, the result for your own self was quite liberating. No reputation to uphold, no need to impress, nothing to justify. Honestly, she just should've done this from the start. But then again, she had still wanted her parents to pay for her travels at that point. Still had hoped that the boxes in the basement would be unpacked again eventually, once the esteemed guests were gone. Now however, the idea of cutting herself off from her parents entirely had a shocking appeal to it, and she couldn't quite bring herself to step back from it again. Didn't even want to. No, she still had some Christmas money left that she had saved over the years, and from there on she could find some sort of work to make ends meet. Tomorrow morning, she would take the boxes in the basement with her and leave for good.

… … …

If there had been any doubt left in her mind by Friday night if she actually should go through with it, it was blown away Saturday morning when the only thing saying goodbye to her was a note on the kitchen counter that told her to put the rubbish out before she left. Thus she spent the early hours of the day gathering everything that was hers and storing it away in her backpack, while also taking some minor things that surely wouldn't be missed around here. An old record player and a few of her favorite records (both which weren't used anymore), that chipped mug she had been using when she was here for as long as she could remember, but also a photo album that only had the first five pages filled with pictures of her as a baby and toddler. If this was all that would be left of her childhood other than her own memories, she wanted to be the one to have it. She added in a picture of her parents that had been in one of their own albums, then hid the entire thing very deep down in her bag, in a box of things she wanted to keep but still forget about.

When finally she shouldered her bag to leave, she didn't even feel sad. Only bitter and, in a way, deeply hurt that it had come this far. Perhaps it had been her fault, partially at least. Perhaps it had been inevitable. But if the last five days had proven anything, it was that they would be better off going separate ways from here on. Maybe one day, if by that time they still remembered that they'd had a daughter once, she would come back to visit them.

… … … 

Half an hour later Robin sat high up on the cliff on the Scottish east coast where their first adventure had started last year, legs dangling over the edge against the stone wall that dropped down way too far, as she waited for Snape to show up. They would have to meet somewhere after all, and this place had seemed like a good idea. Both of them had been here before, it was practically deserted, and thus it was easy to find each other. 

The wind whipping around her cleared some of the bitterness the morning had left, dried some silent tears, and it was a reminder of the bigger picture, a reassurance that her problems weren't the end of the world. As dark as things might seem, the planet was still spinning and the only way to move was forward. She took a deep breath, and when the sun broke through the clouds at last, she put on her sunglasses and let it warm her face for once.

"You're early… A bit excited, are we?" Snape remarked the very moment Robin heard him arriving somewhere behind her, and even just the sound of his voice made her smile in an instant.

"So are you, in case you haven't noticed." She replied, leaning back on her hands to look up at him upside down when he came to stand behind her. Surprisingly enough, he was clad in ordinary black bottoms and a simple long sleeved shirt of the same colour. "I think I've never seen you in anything other than those robes you always wear at school…"

"Yes, well, our last…  _ expedition _ has proven my usual choice of clothing to be rather unsuitable for the occasion." He mused, and finally sat down next to Robin so closely that their shoulders almost touched. "That, and muggles tend to be irritated when one wears robes around them. Since we haven't decided where today will take us, I thought it best to be prepared."

"Clever. As always." Robin smirked, and he rolled his eyes at her using his own expression on him, which she however didn't mind one bit. "How was your week?"

"Dreadful. Yours?"

"Even worse."

"Good."

"Hey!" Robin protested with a laugh, then with a grin she just couldn't fight. "What's good about me being worse than dreadful for a week?"

"It means that no matter if we succeed in our goals today or not, it will still be a better day for you than the last few were."

"Of course it will be better! An infinite number of times better even! Spending time with you is better than anything, you dunderhead."

"Call me that one more time and I will shove you off the cliff."

"Shove me off the cliff and I'll pull you down with me." 

"I expect nothing less. That is what I'm here for, after all." He stated with an expression that was too serious looking to actually be serious at all. The not-smirk was an even better tell of that.

"You're here to jump off a cliff?" Robin quirked an eyebrow at him with a teasing smirk.

"I'm here to make sure you aren't alone when you do."

"So if I jump, you will too?"

"I would rather keep either of us from doing something ridiculously stupid as that, but generally, yes." He said, and the fact that he actually seemed to mean every word of that sent a wave of electric sparkles all through Robin's body and mind. She couldn't even put into words how much she adored him for that, and how infinitely glad she was to have him with her. If this was what being his friend was like, she couldn't even imagine how it would be to be more than that. Then again, she shouldn't imagine it in the first place. They were friends. Best friends, but  _ only  _ friends. That had to be enough.

"Good to know." She finally replied, allowing herself to smile at least, so very brightly that he almost had to smile in return. "So… what theory are we looking into today?"

"Get out that handbook of yours and we shall see."


	53. More Than Words - Part 2

Robin and Snape went on a different excursion every day for the following two weeks, sometimes finding what they were looking for, sometimes not. Either was fine, really, for either allowed them to improve Robin's theories as well as their methods and work together. The things they were looking for were minor for the most part, as they had decided to start small and work their way up from there, but every single day was a true joy nonetheless. Because of the research, and especially because of the company. 

Instead of being gone from dusk till dawn like they had on the hunt for the wraiths' moss, they usually only needed a few hours to prove or falsify whatever theory they had picked that day now. That in return gave them enough time in the afternoons and evenings to just pick a quiet place and have a coffee or three, almost like they usually did, until it was time to call it a day, or more often, a night. Then at the end of each day they agreed on a place to meet up in the morning, and finally apparated to their homes respectively. Only that Robin's home currently was the tent she carried around in her backpack.

Throughout those two weeks, she hadn't been able to bring herself to tell Snape that she had left her childhood home for good, and was basically living in the streets for now. It never came up in conversation, never was of relevance nor being questioned, and with every day she didn't tell him, it became more and more difficult to approach the topic at all. Especially without any context. After a few days then, she simply felt too conflicted to mention it at all anymore. Gods, he would probably have talked her into going back if she'd told him… And if he did, she knew that she couldn't say no to him, even with such a thing. If Robin had told him, and he would've insisted that she had to go back, she knew she would have. But she couldn't let that happen, couldn't go back, couldn't bear hearing him ask her to. There was too much fear, too many worries, too much anxiety. She couldn't tell him… He would only worry too much and smile too little. Thus Robin always apparated to any random place when he went home at night, mostly choosing a destination as far away from people as possible, and set up camp there in the wilderness.

Honestly, magic was what made it bearable. Almost okay, actually, and sometimes even fun. She could extend the inside of her tent to the point where she could fit all her belongings in quite comfortably, and thereby turn it into something very much acceptable to live in for the next few weeks. It wasn't comfortable in a common way, but all she really did in there was sleeping and working on her handbook anyway, and for that it sufficed. Every couple days she would find herself in a nearby city or town, to restock on foods she couldn't just conjure, and by only eating one meal per day, she thought she could actually make do with the little money she had until the end of the holidays. It wasn't perfect, but it worked just fine for the time being. That was enough.

After those first two weeks of their adventures it soon enough was time for the yearly potions conference again, and Robin insisted on going even though she didn't hope for it to be too interesting this time around. She was sure it would be fun though, just like the year before, if only they made it to be. Obviously Snape and her would be attending together once more, it hadn't even been up for debate for either of them, and the night before the actual event they agreed to meet up in front of the hotel where the conference would take place like every year. The only downside was that Robin would have to get her invitation from her parents' house, as well as her NEWT scores that surely had arrived by now. In the light of everything that had happened since the end of term, she had completely forgotten about the honours and exams, about which grades she had received, and it only had re-entered her mind when Snape had asked about it the previous night.

Thus, just like that, Robin found herself getting up at ungodly hours on the day of the conference yet again. That really was becoming a thing by now. For simplicity's sake, she wore the same skirt as in the previous two years (even if people might slowly start to believe she didn't own anything else… which was perfectly true), and paired it with a black lacy blouse that was quite low cut, much like her ball gown actually, but would surely do the trick of distracting from her choice of footwear. Boots and dressy clothes weren't usually appreciated in combination by anyone but her, it seemed. Besides, some stupid part of Robin's mind simply wanted to see if she could get a reaction out of Snape by wearing something nice like this for once. It was a pathetic attempt at something she shouldn't even think about, but it wouldn't hurt anyone either. If he didn't notice, nothing was lost. If he did, however, then… well, she didn't know what would be then, and she didn't allow herself to hope for it anyway. It was just a piece of clothing. He probably couldn't care less about what she wore.

After packing up her tent in her backpack with but one wave of her wand, Robin was off to Oxford first thing in the morning. Really, had she thought about the invitation card or her scores any earlier than last night, she might have had a chance to sneak into the house some time during a work day when everyone was gone. But no, she had to do it today, on a bloody Saturday, when everyone was at home but luckily still asleep. She found what she was looking for quickly enough, in a box of paperwork put off until later. Just like expected, there were the two letters from school and from the society that hosted the conference respectively, but there was also a third one from Cas. Robin would recognize the large and loopy handwriting anywhere. With a small frown, she grabbed all three letters when she heard noise raising down the hallway, and without wasting another second, she quickly left the house she had never meant to return to in the first place. Invisible as she was to her family anyway, they likely wouldn't even notice that she had been there at all. Good. She took a deep breath, always careful to avoid the prying eyes of any neighbours who might be up at this time already while she made her way down the street and to a lesser vulnerable place. Forty minutes until she would be meeting Snape in London. But oh well, she might as well be terribly early as always.

When she arrived in front of the hotel, she still held her letters tightly grasped in her hands. The street was deserted, the building as inconspicuous looking as ever. Early summer mornings did that to far off streets. Seeing as Robin had quite a bit of time left before Snape would make an appearance, she decided to attend to her mail for now, and the first letter she opened was the one from Cas. Might as well start with the (hopefully) easiest one of them. The first written page was filled with complaints about Cas' parents and their obvious disdain for their daughter's relationship with a boy they didn't know, followed by Cas' complaints about parents in general. Robin had to smile at that, even if sadly, and she found herself wondering what her parents would have done if she had been in any sort of relationship when she'd been younger. Nothing, likely. As always. Whether that was a good or a bad thing she couldn't decide.

Cas went on to explain that she had thought about Robin's letter idea, and that she indeed wanted to try writing a nice letter to Simon, not something cheesy and cliche like the books and movies did, but something classy and sincere. But she also wrote that she had absolutely no idea how to do that, nor who but Robin to ask for help. Sighing, Robin already knew what was coming before she read on. Cas was asking for her help to write at least one nice letter to Simon, or even just to help her find some good starting point for it. A way to write something that would actually be meaningful. And romantic.  _ Great… _ as if Robin knew any more about that than Cas did. But she decided that she would try to help anyway, in whatever way she could come up with until then, before perhaps writing back tonight or tomorrow morning. Just because Cas had actually made the effort to ask Robin for help for once. She couldn't let her down now.

With another sigh, Robin put the papers back into the envelope and went to open the invitation card to the conference next. What she found however wasn't only the invitation card. A weight heavier than stone settled in her stomach the moment her eyes flew over the words written on the additional page, and the cold sweat that broke over her skin in an instant did nothing to drown out the heat of pure adrenaline rushing through her veins. If there was such a thing as fate, it obviously wanted her dead. With the shrinking ability to breathe, Robin merely stared at the brick wall on the other side of the street until a black frame blocked her view and the most familiar deep voice pulled her out of her numbness.

"What happened?" Snape asked without any unnecessary words of greeting, as the expression on Robin's face surely said enough to let him know that something was wrong. Silently, Robin handed him the page she was still holding onto, and even as he read, she could hear every written word that was still ghosting through her mind.

' _ Dear Miss Mitchell, _

_ it has been brought to our attention that in the past year you have made remarkable progress in the research and study of a rare specimen commonly referred to as wraiths' moss. In relation to this year's overall topic of discussion, being the importance of the study of ingredients throughout time and cultures, we would like you to give a brief lecture on your research and discoveries. Please be prepared to present your findings during this year's conference, between eleven and twelve o'clock. In case of absence, we would appreciate a notice in advance. _

_ Sincerely, _

_ Robert Preston, head of the scientific committee _ .'

When he finished reading, Snape's eyes sought out Robin's once more and they merely looked at each other for a moment in silence. Honestly, there were no words needed to know what the other thought. Then finally he handed the letter back to her, and thereby broke the frozen state they had both fallen into.

"Dumbledore." He stated without any other context, but Robin understood him anyway. There was nobody else who had both knowledge of her research and the influence to make it known.

"Dumbledore." She confirmed with a sigh between dread and annoyance. That man was an enigma, and she didn't have the slightest idea why he would do this to her.

"Why didn't you tell me before?" Snape asked then, frowning at her in question, but not in blame. A little irritation, perhaps, but that much seemed rather justified at the moment.

"I didn't  _ know _ before! Honestly, I thought it was just the invitation card in the envelope, like last year… there was no reason to open the letter before now." She protested, careful to keep it to the truth. He didn't have to know that she had only just now gotten around to collecting the letter in the first place.

"So I take it then you don't have any kind of presentation prepared?"

"I opened the bloody letter ten minutes ago, what do you think?!" Robin rolled her eyes, but immediately felt bad for snapping at him like that. It wasn't his fault that she had messed up, nor that she had to improvise now. "Sorry, that was unfair. But the situation is really just making me feel sick to the core, and I'm bloody nervous. What the hell am I supposed to do now?"

"You go in there with me and do what you always do." He was quick to reply, not quite calmly, but in a surprisingly reassuring way nonetheless. "Being better than everyone else, or put simply, being Robin."

She couldn't help the smile his words brought to her lips, and her eyes turned down to the letters in her hands and the pavement beneath. Gods, how could he be so… him. It was unfair, for it always left her entirely defenseless. And he wasn't even trying! Nor did he seem to be aware of what he was doing to her.

"Simply imagine telling me about it instead of a room full of strangers. You talk to me about your research every day, have been doing it for over a year, and you can certainly do it now." He added a moment later, and Robin looked up at him again with a still slightly weary expression. It was true what he said, she did basically ramble on for hours and hours about whatever thing they were looking for or working on, and it never had failed to entertain him. He had never once told her to stop, nor had he ever looked bored in the least. With Snape, that certainly did mean something after all.

"You really think I can do this? Without anyone noticing how embarrassingly unprepared I am?" She asked quietly, frowning, but at least the sickness was making way for a lesser form of nervousness.

"If anyone can, it has to be you." He said, calmly and confidently and Robin couldn't help but believe him. "I will be there, the entire time. You will be fine."

"Okay." A small smile tugged on her lips, and she believed she had never felt safer with him by her side than now. But she thought that every time he was there for her, there  _ with  _ her, and every time it was true all over again. Perhaps that was a positive side effect of loving him quite so desperately, for once. He made her better.

"Any more surprises in those?" He asked after a moment, and motioned down to the other letters in Robin's hands with a quirked eyebrow and a not-smirk.

"I don't know, actually…" She shrugged. "One's from Cas about some girly things she probably wouldn't want me to tell you about, and the other one I haven't opened yet. Should be the NEWT scores."

"And you haven't opened them yet?"

"No."

"May I?"

Robin's eyebrows rose in surprise and her heart skipped a beat, but she also had to smile a little more brightly as she handed him the letter just as asked. "Feel free to. Can't be all too bad if I received honours for both subjects."

"Indeed, but you see, due to obvious reasons I happen to know the common scores of the students receiving honours in potions… And I have reason to believe you might be well above that."

"Probably not. How would we know anyway?"

"Because, as you can see here, even the ministry keeps track of these things." He said and held out the paper to her after studying it thoroughly himself. "You received the best potions score out of anyone in the last ten years."

"99 out of 100… That's quite good actually, isn't it?" Robin smiled as her eyes flew over the page. "And 97 out of 100 in herbology, not bad either."

"Your definition of good and bad is still a riddle to me." He sighed exaggeratedly. "In ten years, nobody has managed to receive a score that high, but of course, it is only  _ 'quite good' _ ..." 

"Well, what score did you get then?" Robin quirked an eyebrow at him. "If you think this is such a special occasion."

"99 out of 100. Precisely ten years ago." He replied calmly, but the smirk on his lips wouldn't stay hidden for long, especially when Robin's jaw dropped and she shook her head to herself with a quiet laugh.

"Damnit, I should have known..." She finally groaned under her breath, still chuckling. "And here I was hoping to be better than you for once."

"I was above average in my other subjects, but not quite as good as you are. And I did not skip a year in potions either. Which, one could argue, means that you are indeed better than I was."

"That doesn't count! I meant that I would've liked to get a perfect score in potions, just for the sake of it."

"I have reason to believe that getting a perfect score is, in fact, impossible."

"Just because you didn't?" 

"Because neither you nor I did. Nor does anyone else in any other subject, as far as I'm aware of."

"Curious… Why do you think that is?"

"The ministry doesn't like people being  _ too  _ good at a subject on the papers, thus they most likely hold off the last five points for ridiculous criteria nobody but them knows about."

"Weird… What do you think one has to do for that one last point in potions?"

"I have no idea." He mused, and when they finally made their way inside, his hand found its place on Robin's back like it had always belonged there. In a way, it really had. Smiling, Robin let herself be led through the entrance hall and towards the grand staircase without anyone even daring to step into their path. It might still turn out to be a good day after all.

… … … 

The first half of the conference went by like a breeze, even though Robin had to give her highly improvised presentation. She did just what Snape had said, pretending to talk to him alone while everyone else was merely a bystander, and that worked out well enough after all. The handbook and her revision of the methods used last year were a good basis for her to build upon, while she however never actually mentioned the book itself. Instead, after explaining only the theory behind her research and not her modes of documenting it, she spent the remainder of the time telling the story of how they had found the blue thorned Siazella instead of the wraiths' moss at first, and how they in the end had been able to acquire both by cheating a little. Finally she elaborated on how her current (and functioning) method to find wraiths' moss had come to be and how it could be applied in further research. Ironically, she spoke for exactly forty five minutes, just like she was supposed to and as if the entire thing had been planned all along. Then in the remaining fifteen minutes she answered questions, which surprisingly enough came in the plenty, but unsurprisingly revolved around her personal life way too often. She was asked how old she was again, if she was still attending Hogwarts despite her research, what her teachers had to say about the issue, if she wasn't afraid to be one of the very few women in the field, what kind of robes she wore on her excursion… quite a few things she had no intention of answering, and thus she rigorously shut down any questions that were irrelevant to her research. While that got her a few scowls from particularly curious individuals, it earned her even more respect among the  _ serious  _ scientific community. That, to her, was a success. In the end, when she went to sit down in her back row seat next to Snape again, she was glad to be done and out of the limelight at last nonetheless.

"I hope Dumbledore is happy now." She huffed under her breath as she slumped down, dropping her notes on the table in front of her. "I didn't do too badly, considering the circumstances, did I?"

"You did better than everyone speaking before you today." He replied quietly, while the next person took over the stage for the last presentation before lunch break.

"Oh come on, exaggerated compliments aren't your thing." Robin chuckled softly, and dropped her head onto the backrest for a moment to relax her tense muscles. "Glad you aren't disappointed though."

"Actually, I am by no means exaggerating. Your presentation certainly differed from the common ways of presenting and discussing research, but that precisely is what made it better than everyone else's. While half of the room was falling asleep throughout most of this morning's lectures, there wasn't a single yawn during your hour on stage. As far as I could tell, the majority of people was sincerely fascinated by your presentation, while the rest seemed to be more enchanted by your… person."

"I can live with either, as long as they're content with my presentation. I wondered if it would be appropriate to tell a story like that, but if the people liked it… I would say I did well." 

"Indeed." He mused, observing the crowd for a moment longer before turning to Robin with what would have been a smirk had they been on their own. "Then again, I had no idea you were so intent on pleasing people."

"Oh  _ please… _ The only one I'm intent on pleasing is you!" She was quick to protest, scoffing at him quietly while rolling her eyes, but half a second later her mind actually listened to what she had said and a burning heat crept up her neck while she hid her face in her hands for a moment. "That sounded  _ very _ differently in my head…"

The only reply she got was a low chuckle, one that barely even carried over the sound of the beginning presentation in the front, and yet all Robin could think in return was that perhaps embarrassing herself had been worth it for once. Going by the lingering not-smirk on his face, it definitely had.


End file.
